Messopotamia

What a strange war indeed. Let me ask you ask you a question. Would you rather suffer the kind of militantism and mass protest and violent confrontation that this country endured during the Vietnam War, or would you rather have people so busy watching American Idol that they can't be bothered worrying about soldiers dying in faraway places? Yeah, me too. I hope Kellie wins.

No, that's not true. Here at Dead Cat we scoff at the frivolous pursuits of the public at large and choose to focus instead on the important issues of the day. That's why we've asked two United States Senators to be our guests tonight to talk about the Iraq War. They are Senator Rose, Democrat of Massachusetts and Senator Hammer, Republican of Ohio.

"Senators, welcome."

"Thank you Dead Cat."

"Thank you Dead Cat. Pleasure to be here."

"Senator Rose, let's begin with you. We're now in the fourth year of the Iraq War with some 2400 U.S. soldiers killed and perhaps 8 or 9 times that number wounded. Where should America go from here?"

"Let me first say that there were no WMD's. The American people were lied to. Saddam was not a terrorist and posed no threat."

"Yes, but I was asking more about the present, Senator. Like it or not and regardless of the causes, we're over there now and people are dying. What should America's strategy be now? When the President wakes up tomorrow morning what should be his plan?"

"Well, he shouldn't be misleading the American people about WMD's, that's for sure. We have proof that..."

"Dead Cat, may I interrupt for a moment please."

"Yes Senator Hammer."

"It's a misstatement to say the President lied to the American people. He was working with the same faulty intelligence that everyone else, including the Congress, was."

"Yes Senator, but my point is not to keep rehashing the past but to look at the present. Senator Rose, what is the Democratic plan for victory in Iraq."

"Victory?"

"Well, perhaps I'm putting words in your mouth. What is the Democrat's plan for ending the war?"

"I think we should be working with the other countries in the region and strengthening our relationships with our allies and start being honest with the American people."

"That seems kind of vague Senator. Do you have anything more specific to offer?"

"You mean, like a strategy?"

"Yes, a strategy if you like, but even a single practical idea would suffice."

"Well, if we can't win the war then it seems the best thing to do would be to get the hell out of there and go home to our mothers."

"Go home to our mothers? Then you're advocating a gradual pullout?"

"Hell no. I say we should drop our weapons and run like hell."

"You know we have a lot of liberals up here in the Bay Area and I've always thought that's what they secretly believed, but I'm suprised to hear a U.S. Senator actually say so for the record."

"It's always been the liberal position that America owes the world an apology, and I think going home and telling the world we're sorry would be the humane thing to do."

"Senator Hammer, you've heard what Senator Rose just said. 'Drop our weapons and run like hell'? Would that be your strategy?"

"No, I think we've got a good strategy in place. We're seeing the Iraqi people go out and choose their leaders in free and open elections. We're seeing progress being made in the capabilities of the Iraqi security forces. I think if we just stay the course here then we'll achieve our goal of a stable and democratic Iraq."

"How long will we be staying this course?"

"Well, I can't make predictions but..."

"One year?"

"No, not that soon."

"Five years?"

"I think five years is a possiblity."

"You think the insurgency will be broken within the next five years?"

"It's hard to put a timetable on these things."

"And meanwhile, what about our troops? Will we continue to see them taking casualties in roadside bombings and such?"

"Of course no one can guarantee that more casualties won't occur but..."

"How many casualties? Will we continue to see the kinds of numbers we've seen so far? Will there be more? Less? Everyday we see news of more bombings and more killings over there. Can you reassure the American public that at some point we are going to see these bombings and killings stopped?"

"Well, sure, there are bombings and killings, but you know there are also a lot of positive things going on over there that the media never reports. Did you know that in Bagdad yesterday there were over 15 new puppies born? And that's just in Bagdad alone."

"You mean instead of reporting on the bombings and killings you think the media should be showing America puppy pictures?"

"I just think there needs to be more balance in the coverage, that's all. Present both sides of the picture. Sure show the blood and fear and suffering, but show the puppies too. Just think what that does to the moral of our troops to see that kind of news being reported back to the people at home."

"Are you saying the troops aren't aware of the bombings?"

"No, I'm sure they are. But that doesn't mean they want their families talking about it. It's very damaging to the morale of the troops."

"Perhaps the Pentagon should give them all puppies."

"Seriously, Dead Cat. This whole idea of Generals criticizing the war. It's unamerican and it's got to stop."

"But Senator Rose, Generals have spoken out before. Didn't General McClellan speak out against President Lincoln during the Civil War? In fact, if I recall my history, he even ran against Lincoln in the national election."

"And history hasn't been kind to McClellan, has it?"

"But did it hurt the morale of the troops? As I recall, the Union won that war."

"It's unamerican, that's all I'm saying."

"So then let me get this straight. Senator Rose, your Iraq strategy is to run like hell, and Senator Hammer your strategy is to stifle dissent and focus more on puppies. Four years into the war that is where the political leadership in Washington stands? Senator Rose?"

"Yes, just about. You see Dead Cat, this isn't your ordinary kind of war. By that I mean unlike wars in the past, this is a war that a lot of Americans are largely indifferent to. It's like a forgotten war, and we haven't even finished fighting it yet. And that's a good thing for those of us in Washington because it lets us off the hook. You see, it allows us to focus more of our attention on the things the public really cares about."

"And that would be?"

"Why, the next election of course."

"And is that why we sent you to Washington? So that you could spend six months analyzing the last election and 18 months planning the next?"

"Yes, I think so. Senator Rose don't you agree?"

"Yes, pretty much. There's also the fundraising, of course."

"Well Senator Rose and Senator Hammer, thank you both for being with me tonight. "

"Thank you, Dead Cat."

Creative Traveldock 900 Speakers


And now for today's tech news. The blogosphere is full of techie stuff and I try to avoid the subject as much as possible, but I haven't seen much on the Traveldock 900 speakers from Creative so I thought I'd do a mini-review.

Let's see, I got mine about 2 weeks ago and they work great. So go ahead and buy 'em.

Oh, wait, I should probably give you a little more information than that (har, har, har). The Traveldock 900's are portable, battery-powered speakers that connect to your Zen Muvo or other MP3 player. I could give you the specs that I found on the web but the last time I did that I ended up publishing some incorrect information. Let me get out my ruler instead and give some approximate dimensions instead. It's around 5.75" long by about 2.5" wide and about 1.5" deep, and weighs about 10 ounces or so. About the size of a large power brick, I'd say, but weighing less.

Whatever the actual dimensions it fits easily into a coat pocket or briefcase and runs on 4 AAA batteries. Creative is claiming 32 hours of battery life but I haven't changed batteries yet so I can't confirm that. Based on my experience I'd say you can count on at least 20 hours of battery life, and probably a lot more. There is also a DC power jack on the back of the unit but no power adaptor is included.

The unit contains a front connector for certain Creative Zen players that have headphone connectors on the bottom of the unit. For other players like my Zen Vision M, Creative also includes a patch cable that will allow you to connect any MP3 player to the speakers using a line-in jack on the back. Either way, you cannot control the player using the Traveldock 900 and there is no remote included. These are simply speakers. They also include a special cable for the IPod Shuffle, a player I don't know anything about, but I'm sure there must be a special reason why the Shuffle needs its own special cable.

So how does it sound? Well, the thing to remember is that these are battery-powered portable speakers that will fit in your pocket. If your expecting room shaking sound to come out of these then you're going to be sorely disappointed. That said, they actually do deliver a very clean, audible sound, noticeably lacking in the low end that a subwoofer would normally provide. Is it enough sound to overcome the rush of the faucet when your running your bathwater? I don't know. I haven't tried it. But it's more than enough sound to fill a quiet room or back patio, and I haven't noticed any distortion when cranked all the way up, although I wouldn't call it a pleasant sound. At a reasonable and listenable volume level, however, these speakers sound good. Much better than I would have expected from such a small unit. There is also a Wide Stereo button on the back if that's to your taste.

And that's about it. I'm not sure what the real need is for portable speakers such as these, but I see all different brands and models of them for sale in the electronics stores. Obviously, somebody wants them. I bought them mainly for watching video on my Vision M, and although they weren't specifically designed for that purpose they work really well (I snapped this little photo to show you my setup. Notice the clean, uncluttered workspace). The little connector in front works perfectly as a little stand to hold the Vision M in place, and the patch cord slips right into the top of the player. As long as I can find a flat place to put it down then I'm all set to go. And, best of all, I don't have to sit there and hold the player while I'm watching the video. Very nice!

I've also used the speakers to listen to music and, in a pinch, they are a good thing to have. But it bears repeating that these are not going to give you the same quality as your home theater or music system. For listening around the house you'd be much better off getting a ten dollar mini-jack to RCA patch cord and hooking your MP3 player directly to the stereo. That's what I do and I won't pretend that these little $80 speakers are going to give you the same experience.

And that's my review. And for more info here's the link.

Things a Good Son Never Tells His Mother


1. Frank and Joey are best friends

"Hey Frank, are you still grounded."

"Joey, come here. I wanna show you something."

"What?"

"Just come here and I'll show you."

"Is your mother home?"

"Yeah, but it's ok. Just knock on the door."

(Knock, knock, knock. Frank's mother opens the door)

"Why hello Joey. I'm sorry but Frank can't come out to play today. He's been grounded."

"Ah, mom. I just want to show him something. Can't he come in. We won't leave the yard."

"No, you heard what I said."

"Puleeeeeeezzzzzeeee...."

"Ok, but you two stay in the backyard, you hear me. I don't want you wandering off."

"C'mon Joey, let's go out back."

"What did you want to show me?"

"Look here, in this bucket."

"What is it?"

"A lizard."

"A lizard?"

"Yeah, I caught him and put him in this bucket."

"Man, I've caught lots of lizards. So what?"

"I don't know. Let's do something with him."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. How about we tie him to a kite and fly him up in the air."

"What for?"

"I never seen a lizard fly before. Have you? C'mon, it'll be cool."

"Ok, I guess so. Go get the kite"

(Frank gets the kite and some string)

"Alright, now what?"

"We take some string and tie him on to the tail. Yeah, like that. Alright, now let's see if we can get it up in the air."

(Joey takes the ball of string and ties it to the kite. Frank takes the kite to other end of the yard and waits for a gust of wind. Soon, the kite is in the air)

"Ok, now what? He's just hanging there. He ain't doing nothing."

"Let's get it higher. Let out some more line.

(Joey lets out more line)

"Man, he's way up there now."

"He's just hanging there. This is stupid."

"What a dumb lizard. He's not moving around or nothing. He's just...oops!"

"What happened? Where'd the lizard go?"

"He fell off. Didn't you see him? I think he fell in that sticker bush over there. Go see if you can find him."

"You go see if you can find him."

"I can't leave the yard. Hurry, go find him before he gets away."

(Joey jumps the fence and approaches the sticker bush)

"I don't see him."

"Keep looking. He fell right in there."

"I don't see...wait. Is that him?"

"Did you find him?"

"Yeah, but I think he's dead. He's just lying on his back and not moving or nothing."

"Aw, crap."

"Yeah, he's dead."

"Ok, c'mon back

(Joey jumps back over the fence and stands next to Frank as they both look at the kite flying lizardless in the air)

"What do you wanna do now?"


2. Frank and Joey in High School

"Act straight. You're blowin' it man."

"What?"

"Act straight, Frank. g0ddam it. Mr. Sweeney's coming. You wanna get busted?"

"Mr. Sweeney ain't gonna bust us."

(Mr. Sweeney approaches the boys)

"Hi Frank, how's it goin?"

"Great Mr. Sweeney. I finished all the problems last night."

"Good. Uh, Frank, can I talk to you for a second."

"Sure."

"I mean in private. Your friend won't mind, will he? I just want to talk to Frank for moment."

"Sure. Go ahead."

(Mr. Sweeney and Frank step down the hall and have a private conversation. When they're finished Frank walks back with a big grin on his face)

"What's so funny?"

(Frank is stoned and starts to giggle)

"What are you laughing about? What did Sweeney say?"

"He wants me to join his Bible Study Group."

"What?"

"Yeah, Sweeney goes to my church and he wants me to join his afterschool Bible Study Group. He says you're a bad influence on me."

(Now Joey starts to laugh. Frank joins him and they both start coughing and turning red from laughing so hard)

"You're gonna go to Bible Study Class with Sweeney?"

"Yeah. Why not. You're a bad influence, you little shit."

"I'm a bad influence. How about all those dopers at your church that you're always partying with."

"Fucking Sweeney. Can you believe that guy? It's like he wants to save me or something. C'mon, let's cut school for the rest of the day and go finish this lid."

"Naw, I can't."

"Why not?"

"I got a book report due 5th period. If I don't turn it in today then Garcia is going to knock off 50%."

"So what?"

"Man, I put a lot of work into that thing. I don't want to get 50% off."

"Alright, how about after school then. We'll finish the whole lid."

"Right on. We can't go to my house, though. My mom's home."

"Okay, we can go to my house but my grandmother's gonna be there. She won't bother us but we have to be quiet. You can't be blowing it, alright?"

"Yeah, alright. I won't blow it."

"I mean it."

"Ok. I swear I won't blow it. You got any munchies at your house?"



3. Frank and Joey after High School

"Hey Frank, where were you? Man, this party is dead. Everyone's all passed out."

"Hey Joey, come here. I want to show you something."

"What?"

"C'mon, upstairs."

"What do want to show me?"

"In here."

(Frank opens the door to one of the bedrooms)

"Who is that?"

"I don't know. Some chick. She's all passed out, man."

"So? Hey, wait a minute. I know that chick. She was in my chemistry class. Her name is Linda or Laurie or somthing like that."

"Who fucking cares, Joey. C'mon, let's do her."

"What?"

"Man, that chick is lights out. She ain't gonna know nothing."

"Are you fucking crazy?"

"No, I ain't fucking crazy. What's the matter with you? You turn queer or something?"

"C'mon Frank. Let's close the door and split, ok."

"Fucking eh, are you some kind of wuss or something? Are you gonna chicken out on me? Shit, I always knew you didn't have any balls, chicken-shit motherfucker."

"And what are you Frank? A rapist? Is that what you are?"

"Oh, excuse me Mr. High and Mighty, but it ain't rape. It ain't our fault if she can't hold her liquor. Shit, what's a chick like that expect?"

"Fuck you Frank."

"No, fuck you Joey, you little faggot. You don't want to do her than fine. Just walk on out of here and go find yourself some little queer boy to go fuck."

"Yeah, that's right. You know some time you might wanna try and get laid by someone who's actually conscious. Oh shit, that's right, I forgot. No chick would want to fuck you if she's conscious. Not when she gets a look at your ugly face."

"Man, that was funny. That was soooooo funny. How about I kick your ass or something? How funny would that be?"

"Shit, I don't know. That'd be pretty funny 'cause I'm just so scared of you. But I guess if you want to try then go on ahead."

"Fuck off, Joey."

"You always were all piss and no balls."

"Why don't you just get the fuck out of here, huh?"

"You coming with me."

"No. You gonna make me?"

"You're a fucking asshole, Frank. Find your own ride home. I'm taking off."

"Yeah, see you later shithead."

"You coming with me?"

"No."

"You're such an asshole."



4. Frank is married now and has a son

(Ding, dong)

"Who is it?"

"It's Joey. You there Frank?"

"Yeah, just a minute...hold on"

(Door opens. Frank stands there looking red and flustered)

"Hey Frank, what's happening. Sorry for dropping by without calling."

"Yeah, what you want Joey?"

"Nothing. I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by. Sorry, I should have called."

"Come on in."

"Who is it?" comes a voice from another room.

"It's Joey."

"What does he want?"

"Nothing. He just stopped by. Come on down."

(Sandy comes down the stairs. Her complexion is white and her hair is a mess but she doesn't fuss with it. Joey notices a welt under her left eye)

"Hey Sandy. Sorry for dropping by like this. Something happen to your face?"

"Oh, I tripped in the bathroom. It's ok. It's just a little swollen."

"Oh. It's no big deal. I just sort of noticed it, that's all."

(Frank asks Joey to come in)

"No, that's ok Frank. Look, I've come at a bad time."

"No, no, we were just watching TV that's all. Come on in."

(Frank turns around, looks at Sandy, and suddenly becomes very angry)

"Sandy, shit. What the fuck's the matter with you. Go fix up your hair or something. You look like a fucking mess."

(Sandy goes back up the stairs. Joey hears a baby start to cry)

"Sandy, goddam it. Will you do something with that baby. God Damn It. DO SOMETHING WITH THE BABY! Son of a fucking bitch!"

"Alright, alright" comes a voice from upstairs.

(Frank turns around to face Joey)

"Come on in, Joey."

"Look, this was a bad idea. You know, I was passing by and...

"No, c'mon in. It's not a bad time."

"Say Frank, I'm not trying to butt in or anything but were you and Sandy having an argument?"

"Nah, just husband and wife shit. You know. It wasn't nothing."

"Yeah. Hey, tell you what. I better go. I'll call next time, ok?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Ok. Well good seeing you."

"Good seeing you too Frank. Take care."

"Yeah, sure thing Joey. We'll go shoot some pool or something."

"Yeah, I'll give you a call. See ya' Frank."


5. Years go by and Joey comes home for Thanksgiving

"Hi, mom."

"Joey, you made it. Oh, it's so good to see you."

"Where's dad?"

"He's in the other room watching the football game. Eddie and Barbara and Louise aren't here yet, and Jeff and Karen and the rest of the kids will be here a little later on. Did you have a good drive over?"

"Yeah, it was fine. No problems. Boy, the house sure looks good."

"Oh, it'll be so good to have all my children and grandchildren back here again. All the Smiths in one house again."

"You look good mom. How ya' feeling?"

"The doctor's got me on Calcium, you know. And of course my blood pressure's still high."

"Can't they do something about that?"

"Well, he gave me some pills and told me to cut down on my coffee. I'll be alright I guess."

"You know I was reading in the paper that drinking coffee isn't really..."

"Oh, guess who I saw yesterday. You remember Mrs. Wilson? You know, Frank's mother?"

"Yeah, sure I remember Mrs. Wilson."

"Well, she was at the store yesterday and I about fell over when I saw her. I almost didn't recognize her at first."

"Oh yeah, how's she look?"

"Oh she's much heavier now. And of course, a lot older too. But then aren't we all. And you know, she was telling me about Frank. You know he's working with lasers now, or something. She tried to explain it but I didn't know what she was talking about, but she said he's doing very well. He's got a nice house up in Fremont and travels to Europe and Asia for his business and doing really well. He's divorced too. Imagine that. Little Frankie, and I didn't even know he was married."

"Sure you did. Don't you remember I went to the wedding."

"Did you? I don't remember. Do you two still stay in touch?"

"No. Not for a long time."

"Why not. You two were such good friends, even when you were little babies. Frank was always so nice. And courteous. I remember he'd always say 'please, Mrs. Smith and no thank you, Mrs. Smith.' Such a nice young man."

(Yeah mom. Real nice. When he wasn't busy torturing animals that is, or using drugs, or raping unconscious women, or beating his wife? Other than that he was a real nice fella)

"Yeah, that was Frank. A real sweetheart."

"Oh, stop that. He was a very nice boy, and now he's doing so well. Why didn't you ever try lasers the way Frank did? Weren't you interested?"

"What? Are you saying I should have been more like Frank?"

"No, of course not. I'm very proud of you too. I'm proud of all my children. It's just that it seems like if Frank could do it, then you could have too."

"Oh bull, mom."

"What?"

"You want to know what Frank was like? You want me to tell you what he was really like?"

"What do you mean, dear...Oh, here's your father. Henry, look who's here."

"Well Joey. You made it."

"Hi dad. Good to see you. Who's winning the game?"

"Dallas. They're killing 'em. How was the traffic."

"No problem. No problem at all."

And The Ancient Empty Street's to Dead for Dreaming

There are probably holier places to spend Easter weekend than Las Vegas, but that's where I am. The reasons are simple, really. Some friends asked me if I'd like to use their timeshare in Las Vegas for a couple of days and I said sure. Why not? Do you think I'm crazy? Actually, since they had to be back in L.A. for the Easter weekend, and since the timeshare was already paid for, and since they hated to see it go to waste, and since they are very nice people, well...

Here I am. Vegas baby!

Let me say right off the bat that it's nice having rich friends. Trouble is I didn't know they were rich until I got a look at this condo. Wow. They must be loaded. You should see this place. It's on the 16th floor of the Las Vegas Hilton Resort with 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, kitchen, washer-dryer and a big old jacuzzi next to the master bedroom. I swear I feel like Howard Hughes living up here. Maybe I should show you a picture.

Hilary Hahn always takes these shots out of her hotel room window and posts them to her journal and I always wondered why anyone would want to do that. I still don't know why except, well, it's an internet thing I guess. Anyways, as you can see I'm a block west(?) of the strip, right next to the convention center. There are no conventions going on right now so it's very, very nice here. Close to the action but quiet, with no traffic or craziness going on outside.

So, that's the view out of my hotel window.

Other than that I don't have anything really profound to say about Las Vegas. It's not really a very profund town when you come to think about it. You've got your fake Mediterranean village, your fake Paris, your fake New York, your fake Monte Carlo, and on and on and on, and it's all meant more as a distraction than anything else. It's been about 15 years or so since the last time I was here and I can't believe how big it's gotten. I'd describe it as Orange County in the desert, because that's exactly what it is. All you need to do is add Disneyland and about a dozen more freeways and bingo, you'd be in Anaheim.

Of course these Las Vegas are smart and they've been careful not to repeat the mistakes that California made when it got big.

Right.

How about housing tracts and strip malls for as far as the eye can see, and no mass transit anywhere except for a privately funded monorail system which really only serves the needs of the big hotels. I hope these Las Vegans know what they're doing. I really do. I tell ya' if they keep building like this then in another 10 years or so this place is going to be just as gridlocked and smoggy as any Southern California megalopolis. And between the smoke inside the casinos and the smog outside don't be suprised if one day this town finally chokes on it's own fumes.

But that's in the future. Right now I'll just post some pic's I took up at Red Rock Canyon. It's not nearly as scenic as some other Red Rock areas in the Southwest (like Zion or Bryce Canyon), but the weather was beautiful and it was a great day to get out the ol' camera and do a little hiking. Happy Easter from Las Vegas.















From the Visitor Center




















Ah, Sandstone. The Great Basin is full of it.






















Ever driven across Nevada. This scene will probably look familiar.





















I give up. What's that supposed to be.




















It's a waterfalls, dummy. Pretty impressive, huh? Well, for Nevada it's impressive.

Meet John Doe

Once again it's time to check the ol' mailbag. Our first letter comes to us from our freinds Ken Mehlman, Bill Frist, J. Dennis Hastert and John Boehner over at the Republican National Committee.

"Dear Fellow Republican," they write,

"You are among a select group of Republicans who have been chosen to take part in the official Census of The Republican Party."

Select group? Who, me? Gosh, such an unexpected honor for someone so humble as myself. To be asked to take part in "The Official Census of the Republican Party." Such an awesome burden. I don't know what to say guys. I...I...I..., guess I'll just try to do my best. Better yet, why don't I ask the readers to take the Census along with me. You know, sort of play along at home.

Ready, here goes:

1. Do you support President Bush's initiatives to promote the safety and security of all Americans?

Well, heck yeah. At least I think so. Actually...truth is, I get a little worried sometimes when this Administration starts talking securty, you know what I mean. To me security is being able to walk down the street without getting mugged or murdered. Unfortunately, I think the Administration is a little more ambitious when it comes to security. They see it as being more about secret courts and secret trials and spying on citizen's and things like that. I think I'll have to take a pass on this question until I get some more information. Are we talking about the Sheriff Taylor kind of security, sort of friendly and neighborly, or are we talking about Robespierre and the Committee of Public Safety? Clarify please.

2. Do you support the use of air strikes against any country that offers safe harbor or aid to individuals or organizations committed to further attacks on America?

Sure, if you think it'll do any good. How many airstrikes have we launched against Osama bin Laden? Guess that taught him a lesson.

3. Do you continue to support increasing the amount of security at airports, train stations and all government buildings including monuments and museums?

I think I'll turn this one over to the audience. What do you think people? Anyone here want dangerous museums?

4. Should the Inheritance or "Death Tax" be permanently repealed?

No. The Inheritance Tax affects a very small and wealthy portion of the population, like Senators and Congressmen and National Committe Chairs. Next question.

5. Do you support President Bush's pro-growth policies to create more jobs and improve the economy?

I support common sense, and I support policies which encourage saving and investment and discourage mindless, rampant borrowing and consumpti0n. Is that what President Bush supports?

6. Do you think Congress should focus on cutting the federal budget deficit by reducing wasteful government spending?

No, I think they should cut the budget by increasing wasteful government spending. Geez, what kind of question is that?

7. Should students, teachers, principals and administrators be held to higher standards?

I'm all for holding the other guy to higher standards. Now, if we're all through here I'd like to get back to other room and watch that new Rob Schneider movie.

8. Do you agree that teaching our children to read and increasing literacy rates should be a national priority?

Yes, but give them something interesting to read. I wonder if any of these education reformers has ever actually read a textbook (and stayed awake long enough to reach the end of the chapter.)

9. Do you support President Bush's plan to make our schools more accountable to parents and to restore local control of education?

Are we talking about banning biology in Kansas? Please, let's not be coy, ok. Here's where I part company with the Republican Party.

10. Do you support the law, passed by the Republican Congress and signed by President Bush, that bans partial-birth abortions?

I wouldn't touch that question with a 10 foot pole. In my life I've known people on both sides of this issue, and I've never met a one that's ever changed their mind. Let's just leave it at that.

11. Do you support the President's efforst to save Social Security for future generations?

Is that what he was trying to do? Could have fooled me. I thought he was trying to privatize it.

12. Do you think Congress should pass legislation on the Federal Marriage Amendment?

I feel kind of stupid for admitting this, but I don't know what that is. Could you please explain?

13. Do you think U.S. troops should have to serve under United Nations commanders?

I think that's a question for the next war. Right now we should concentrate on how we're gonna get the hell out of Iraq.

14. Do you agree that our top military priority should be fighting terrorists?

No, our top military priority should be figuring out how we're gonna get the hell out of Iraq.

15. Should the U.S. continue work on building a defense shield against nuclear missle attack?

Where did that question come from? I think a shield against nuclear missle attack is a great idea, but I don't think it should be limited to the U.S. As long as we're building a shield I think it would be a good faith gesture to extend the umbrella to all the peoples of the world.

16. Do you support the election of Republican candidates across the country and rebuilding our majorities over the next ten years?

Sure, but not in Kansas.

17. Did you vote in the year 2000?

Yep. Wanna know who I voted for?

18. Will you join the Republican National Committe by making a contribution today?

Ok, alright, I get it now. "Select group" you said. "Official Census" you explained. Hah! I see what's going on around here. You guys just want more money. Money, money, money, money, money, money. That's all we ever hear from you. I guess now that Jack Abramoff is in jail things are getting a little tight up there in Washington, eh? Well, tough. You guys don't care what I think. You were just jerking me around, trying to shake me down for more cash. Huh. Go beg somewhere else.

Please make your personal check payable to: RNC

Is that before or after I toss this Census of yours in the trash.

Breaking News



Ask and ye shall receive. Just to prove that the Lord really does read this blog and hears my whining complaints about the lousy weather we've been having around here, the rains stopped and the clouds parted and we had a lovely day here in Northern California. On my daily walk the sun was shining and the birds were singing, and I snapped this washed-out picture with my crappy camera phone just to prove it.

Ah, the sun at last.

Oh, and note the water level too. During the summer this creek is usually just a skinny little stream at the bottom of the creekbed, but as you can see the persistent rains have filled the creek's entire u-shaped bowl with water. I'd say the waters are a good 10 to 15 feet above their usual levels, and the bushes you see off to the left are actually the tops of trees that have been submerged beneath the rushing creek. Unfortunately that's not really clear from this picture.

Anyways, that's all for my quick little follow-up from Northern California where the skies have cleared but more storms are predicted for the weekend. And here's a handy little travel trip for those who might be planning a trip to the Bay Area this summer.

*Tip* If ever there was a year to see the Yosemite Valley, this is the year. With all this rain and snow we've had I guarantee you that the falls will be full of gushing water. Sure, that's bound to mean long lines and traffic jams, but there are always long lines and traffic jams in Yosemite. At least the views will be worth it this year. Pack the kids and bring your camera.

Washed In Life's River

Ok, enough is enough. You know this isn't funny anymore. I just hope you folks out there in the rest of the country are enjoying the sunshine wherever you're at because up here in Northern California we haven't seen the sun since February. I'm not kidding. One day it's cloudy then the next day it rains. And then the next day it's cloudy again and the day after that it rains. It's been going on and on like this for over a month now and the ground is soaked and the streets are soaked and I'm soaked, and even though I don't live anywhere near a creek or a river it sure was peculiar to look out my front window this morning and see Burt Reynolds go paddling by in a canoe.

Ah, enough about that. I'm tired of talking about the weather but since I'm stuck here inside tonight I thought I might as well write about something. All I need is something to talk about. Hmmm, here's a semi-interesting topic:

The cost of things.

If you've been watching the news lately doesn't it seem like every other story is about how much it's gonna cost to fix something that's broke. Billions to fix New Orleans, billions to fix the infrastructure, billions to secure our borders, billions to rebuild foreign countries, billions for health care and homeland security and education and blah, blah, blah... I wonder if anyone's thought about hiring an auditor or home inspection type person to just go through all the things that need fixing and total up the costs. I bet it would come to petillions and petillions of dollars if you were to actually add it all up.

Which leads to one obvious conclusion. Namely, America needs some cash. Sure we could save more or we could sell more and try to raise some money that way, but I have a better idea. I think we need to do some empire building. Think about it. That's what the Romans did, isn't it. That's what the British did. That's the way you did things in the old days. When you needed cash you'd raise an army or build a navy and go colonize someone, and that's what America needs to do now. We need to find some country that we can subjugate and exploit and go invade them.

I nominate Canada.

Canada's got lots of natural resources and more than a little gold in their treasury, and we wouldn't even have to invade them. We could just send our armies up their dressed as tourists and they'd never know the difference. And then one day BAM, we take off our disguises and overrun them in a suprise attack. Easy as pie if you ask me. Venezuela would be another good country we could invade. They've got plenty of oil and hell, they aren't doing anything with it. I bet there's all kinds of countries we could occupy and loot and lord knows we could use the cash. Time to do a little empire building if you ask me.

Just something to think about, and not much of a topic really. Oh well.

Hmmm...

I got this new CD from the record store today. It's called Songs of Innocence and of Experience by the composer William Bolcom. I heard some excerpts of it on a podcast and it sounded pretty interesting. Won a grammy too. In case you're completely clueless let me explain that this is a huge work based on the writings of William Blake that spans 3 CD's and manages to incorporate just about every musical style in the book from "intense dissonance to folk, rock and reggae" (that quote is from the back cover). I was paging through the b0oklet and it says that it takes close to 450 people to perform it live. Pretty amazing. I can't wait to hear the whole thing.

Yeah, I know. Pretty exciting, huh? Well, what else is there to do on a rainy night?