Hello America, This...is London

I've got another blog called Fiddlenews, and unlike this blog it appears that Fiddlenews actually has an audience. At least I think so because today I got a real life, bona fide press release from someone representing a major classical recording star (and I do mean Major). You know what that means America, don't you? Yep, that's right. Dead Cat is now an official journalist.

Whoopee!

I couldn't believe it when I opened my inbox tonight. Geez, someone thought Fiddlenews was important enough to merit an actual press release. I couldn't believe it, and let me just say to my fellow journalist's - the Jim Lehrer's and William Safire's (can I call you Bill) and Maria Bartiromo's of the world - let me just say that I take my journalistic responsibilities seriously and am proud to call you my colleagues. I do have one question though. Can we still wear our press passes in our hatbands or is that considered passé?

Anyways, it's an awesome responsibility that's been placed on my shoulders, and I just want to remind all the musical artists out there that I'm with the press now, and I can make you or break you. Keep that in mind.

No, I'm just kidding. The next step is the book deal, I guess. That'll be cool. Probably have to do a book tour and appear on some of the talk shows and things like that. Hey, maybe I'll be on Fresh Air. Wow, that would really be cool.

TG: Tony Myers, welcome. Why did you decide to start Fiddlenews?

TM: Well Terry, it was a story that needed to be told. More than that, though, I just felt it was important to show the world that one blog can make a difference. That's been my mission and it's all there in the book. The corruption, the greed, the incompetence, the double-dealing, the cruel ambition, the abuse of the public trust, the behind-the-scenes scandals that have rocked the classical music world. I don't hold anything back.

TG: Don't you fear for your life? It must be very dangerous to be doing what you're doing.

TM: My life is unimportant, Terry. What matters is the truth. The people deserve that, and I don't really stop to consider the risk. I'm a professional.

TG: May I just say that I admire your courage and am humbled by your honesty and dedication.

TM: Thank you, but I don't do this for the laurels or the accolades. I do it for the people.

TG: Well, Tony Myers it's such an honor for me to talk to you today.

TM: Thanks for having me.

And that's the way it is. Look for more postings over at Fiddlenews, and until next time Good Night, and Good Luck.

Become a Celebrity in the Comfort of Your Own Home

Did you bum rush the charts? I was going to, but I forgot. The idea was that last Thursday everybody who supports podsafe music was supposed to buy this certain song off of Itunes so that it would move up the charts and prove the power of podcasting. I don't if it proved anything, but it did get the song into the top 100.

Like I said, I was going to do my part, but it slipped my mind. Sorry about that. Anyways, at this point in time I don't know if podcasting or podsafe musicians have anything left to prove. Podcasting has established itself as a viable alternative to traditional radio, and music sites like Garageband.com and Podshow have proven that they can help independent artists find their audience. Of course there's still plenty of room to grow, but the model is working, albeit on a small scale.

"Bum rush the charts", however successful or unsuccessful it may have turned out to be, did point out a couple of things. First, the hegemony of the traditional music industries over the music market is gone. Declining CD sales show that, if nothing else, and if you consider all the choices we consumers now have in the music marketplace it's clear that there's nowhere for the old business models to go but down.

Just think of it. We can still buy CD's and listen to over-the-air radio as we've done in the past, but we can also stream internet radio, or subscribe to services like Napster or Rhapsody, or listen to satellite radio, or download podcasts, or purchase digital downloads from online stores like Itunes, or download from various BitTorrent sites, or download from social networking sites, or download podsafe music from independent artist sites, or just trade songs with our friends. There's no need to listen to traditional radio or buy CD's from the record store anymore, and now whole new generations are coming along who think it's kind of weird to actually pay for music. That can't be work very well for the old business models either.

Which is just to say that podsafe or non-podsafe, indie or big label - it doesn't make any difference to me. The consumer is holding all the cards now, and that's just fine as far as I'm concerned. If I was a working musician I might be a little confused, though. Used to be that you got discovered and signed a big record company contract, and they made you a big star, and if you were a big enough star you might even make some coin out of the whole deal. Now that's all changed, and a musician's gonna need to be a little more creative to make it in this environment. Ah well, so be it.

On the other hand, what scares me a little about "Bum rush the charts" is the kind of power that Apple now has over the music market. I mean, they don't have a monopoly or anything even close, but as CD's sales continue to decline and digital downloads continue to increase, their power just grows and grows. That will make it a little easier for the record labels, I suppose. When Apple finally does own the entire music franchise then the labels won't have to travel the country dishing out payola and greasing the palms of every program director between Miami and Seattle anymore. They'll just have to grease the palm of the guy who runs Itunes, whoever that may turn out to be. Now that will be a position of power. Just imagine having the final say over what artists make the front page of Itunes - you could write your own ticket. Hmmm, I wonder where you send your resume?

Anyways, I'm slowly coming to the opinion that with the arrival of the digital age we don't need to buy music anymore. Why should we when we have all these tools to make our own music with? I've been surfing a lot of musician sites lately, and I know I've said this before but it's true: there's never been a better time to learn music or at least learn a musical instrument than right now. It's incredible what you can buy these days for very little money.

You want to put together your own recording studio? You can do it. Everything you need is out there and available - from mixer/recorders to audio interfaces to preamps to microphones to acoustic tiling to studio monitors to...well, doodads that I don't even know what they do. Guitars, synthesizers, drum machines, modeling amps (with built-in DSP's), pedal effects, software...it just goes on and on and on. So what I say is "who needs to buy music, just make your own." Check out a magazine like Electronic Musician or Recording if you don't believe me. I read both of them, and I didn't understand what the hell they were talking about.

But it was fascinating.

I'd like to put together a little recording studio myself. Nothing fancy or expensive, but just something to fool around with. As you know I've been trying to get back into music, and I'm pleased to say that my guitar muscle-memory is starting to come back. I still can't remember any songs, but with what I'm learning I think I should be able to pick up the songs again pretty easy. In fact I need to go practice now, but I'll just mention a couple of sites before I go.

The first is Break Down Way. If you're old enough to remember The Jefferson Airplane then you probably remember a guy named Jorma Kaukonen. Turns out that he's still around and teaching a little guitar on the side, and if you go to this site and pay the $19/mo subscription fee you can get some online lessons from him. They're not really lessons but he does show you how to play a few tunes. Probably not for the beginner, but if you're interested in fingerpicking it might be a site you want to check out.

The second is Guitarschool.net, a site run by Guitar Center stores. I don't know if it's the best online guitar tutor out there (probably not), but it's free and they do show you some licks. It's good for the beginning guitarist as well.

Anyways, time to get back to my scales.

Congress Goes On The Record

Dr. Samuel Johnson once famously said that "there is nothing so hopeless as a scheme of merriment", but then Dr. Johnson never heard of the 110th Congress of the United States of America. In yet another symbolic gesture by a Congress which is quickly establishing its reputation as the king of symbolic gestures, an political maneuver called the war funding resolution was passed last week along mostly partisan lines. I'm sure you heard the news but I just thought I'd mention it in case you missed it.

The centerpiece of the resolution, of course, is the requirement that all U.S. troops be withdrawn from Iraq by September 2008, a date conveniently close to the next election (a coincidence, I'm sure). Oops, I should apologize for that parenthetical remark. I'm sure this resolution, despite the fact that it narrowly passed the House and has little chance of passing in the Senate and absolutely no chance of overriding a presidential veto, has nothing whatsoever to do with the next election. I'm sure it is not intended to put the Democratic Party on the record as being against the war or to provide a platform from which they can attack the Republicans in the '08 campaign, which, believe it or not has started already (here's hoping that the next round of presidential candidates waits at least until the next president is sworn in before launching their 2012 campaigns).

Ok, I'm kidding. It's a purely partisan political resolution. Why else would the House waste the people's time and money passing a bill that has no chance of being enacted. Because they actually think that announcing a ending date for the war is a good idea? I wouldn't be surprised if Nancy Pelosi is already rehearsing her convention speech.

That said, the resolution does put the Democrats in a very awkward position, doesn't it? I mean if at some level the Dems have to be hoping that the slaughter in Iraq or else they're going to look mighty foolish come election time.

Can you imagine? If some actual semblance of peace is restored to Baghdad and we do manage to get the electricity turned on and the water running and at least a faint pulse of commerce and employment pumping through its veins, then the Democrats are going to look downright peevish for wanting to bail out in March of '07. Of course as things stand now that doesn't seem likely, but who knows? Let's just hope for the Dems sake that radicalism spreads and thousands more Iraqi's die before the next election. Well, not really, but let's face it, after taking this position the only good news for the Democrats is going to be more bad news from Iraq.

Getting back to the real world and the real issues at hand, though, wasn't that an interesting idea that King Abdullah II of Jordan raised last month. In case you weren't paying attention, he suggested that perhaps one of the answers for all of this instability in the Middle East would be to resolve the Israel-Palestinian conflict. He seemed to think that finding some settlement to that decades old conflict could relieve a lot of the tension that's been festering in the Arab world, and maybe help combat the rise of radicalism in the region.

Well the nerve of that guy. Coming here to the United States and trying to tell us how to manage our relations with the Arab world. Luckily the Congress didn't pay him no mind. Nope. They just sat down with their political consultants and, after reviewing the poll numbers, decided that peace in the Middle East wasn't going to resonate with the voters in the '08 campaign, so they quickly scrapped that idea and went back to work on their resolution.

Then again, what that Abdullah fella was saying did make some sense. After all, these Al-Qaeda folks ain't like your conventional type armies. As one person said, they're more like the internet. That is, they're distributed, and there's no central place where you can strike and deal a death blow. It's just a bunch of independent cells, and if you kill one then the other cells still go on and grow even more cells.

Seems to me that the best way to fight something like that is to starve them out - you know, deny them the recruits they need to grow. I mean, how many people are there in the world who are willing to tie a bomb around their bellies and go blow themselves up. I bet there's a limited pool, and since radicalism thrives in a climate of poverty and anger then a peaceful and economically viable Palestinian state might not be such a bad thing, especially if the prosperity managed to spread itself throughout the Middle East. Well, it ain't gonna happen in a day and it ain't gonna happen by the next election, so for America, at least, that whole idea is a nonstarter.

The only thing that matters now is that we make Bush pay for this war. After all, it's all his fault. It's his war and we had nothing to do with it. Why we were out there in our yards pruning the roses and we come back inside and find out he's got us in this war - out of the blue, just like that. Caught us completely by surprise. So now we've got to get Bush and pay him back for hornswaggling us that-a-way. At least that's the politics of it, and until we get the politics right then nothing's going to get done.

Not by the 110th Congress that is.

Perspectives on Economics

"Hello, and welcome to Business Roundtable. My name is Tony Myers and my guests tonight are Harold Smith, chief economist at Fred, Wilma and Barney Associates, and Mary Ann Moore, chief investment strategist at Penny Bank and Trust. Harry, Mary Ann, thanks for stopping by and welcome to Business Roundtable."

"Nice to be hear"

"Always a pleasure, TM."

"Let's start with the news that's on everyone's mind these days - namely, the subprime mortgage crisis. There's a lot of worry on the street that if New Century Mortgage goes bankrupt it could cripple the entire global economy. What's your take on that? Harry, let's start with you."

"Well, what's happening in the subprime market is unprecedented. There's never been a crisis like it in the entire economic history of the civilized world. The idea that a bank could make bad loans and go out of business is simply unheard of, and I'm afraid that unless Congress intervenes we could be looking at mass unemployment, bread lines, and nuclear winter."

"Mary Ann, do you agree with Harry. Will this be a crisis of apocalyptic proportions?"

"It's revolutionary, TM, however I don't think it would be proper for Congress to intervene at this juncture. If New Century goes under we're advising our clients to secure their doors and windows, make sure they're well armed and well supplied with food and water, and not look to the government to provide security or assistance."

"Sound advice, but what does this mean for the housing market Harry?"

"Housing prices will go up. I mean, they may go down a little at first, but then they'll go up again. They always do."

"Do you also see a recovery in the housing market Mary Ann?"

"Of course. All that this subprime mortgage crisis has done is create a pent-up demand among buyers vainly hoping that houses will become affordable one day. As soon as they get tired of waiting they'll be off to the races again and housing prices will shoot through the roof. I've been around a long time, TM, and I've seen it happen over and over again."

"How about the mortgage lenders? Will they have the money to lend?"

"Are you kidding. If you've got a job and a pulse, there'll be someone there to lend you money (at the right interest rate, of course). Lenders are feeling a little chastened right now, but as soon as the next housing rush starts they'll be as careless with their money as ever."

"Turning away from the subprime mortgage crisis for a second, Fed chairman Ben Bernanke was at a MacDonalds today and was overheard asking for a condiment. What do you make of that? Mary Ann?"

"I believe the exact quote was 'I need more ketchup', TM. I tell you, I didn't overhear the complete conversation but I think the fact that he was low on ketchup and needed more has a lot of significance for the financial markets."

"Why is that?"

"I think it clearly signals that we'll see a rate hike - perhaps as soon as this summer."

"Harry, do you think the chairman was signaling a return to higher rates?"

"Well clearly he didn't say 'we need more ketchup' but rather 'I need more ketchup'. There's been a lot of talk about a rift within the Board of Governors, and by going out his own and saying that 'I need more ketchup' the chairman was at least raising the possibility that he was going to split the vote and make his own decision about interest rates. Whether that's up or down is pure speculation at this point."

"No I disagree..."

"Mary Ann you wanted to say something?"

"I disagree with Harry on this. Chairman Bernanke said I 'need' more ketchup, not I 'want' more ketchup. I think that is a signal to the markets that a rate hike is not an option at this point, but a necessity. I think it's safe to say that another 1/4 point rise is a done deal at this point."

"What about that Harry? He did say I 'need' more ketchup. Doesn't that imply that a rate hike is almost compulsory at this point?"

"We shouldn't forget that he was talking about ketchup here TM. My question would be 'what did he mean by ketchup?' Some, like Mary Ann are arguing that ketchup implies blood and suffering, but I think what Chairman Bernanke was really talking about was liquidity. Ketchup is, after all, a liquid, and by signaling that we need more of it I think he may in fact have been signaling a rate cut in the near future."

"A rate cut, Mary Ann?"

"Highly unlikely, DC. Inflation is still a concern, and I think by saying 'ketchup' what he was really talking about was adding some thickness and gooeyiness to the economy. I'd be looking for either a rate hike or at least another quarter or two of the status quo."

"Ok, we'll have to leave it at that. I want to thank my guests - Harold Smith, chief economist at Fred, Wilma and Barney Associates and Mary Ann Moore, chief investment strategist at Penny Bank and Trust. Thank you both for being here."

Here, There, and Everywhere

(It's been a while since Dead Cat sat down to talk with Google co-founder Sergey Brin. Since he lives in the area we thought it was time we caught up with him and find out what's cooking at everybody's favorite search engine company. Although he's worth an estimated 16 billion dollars, it's a little known secret that Sergey likes to lunch on 49 cent Jack-In-The-Box tacos. That's where we sat down with him for this interview.)

DC: Sergey, good to talk with you again.

SB: Thanks. Hey, they didn't give me any hot sauce.

DC: Want me to get some for you?

SB: No, it's not important.

DC: So, other than the taco, how are things going? Are Google's plans for world domination still on schedule?

SB: C'mon, you know we're just a search engine company. When you get to be a huge multinational company people tend to overreact, but underneath it all we're still just an internet company, and we certainly don't have any plans for world domination.

DC: On the level?

SB: I've got no further comment on that.

DC: Ok, how about this rumored "Google Phone" that we keep hearing about. Any truth to the rumors?

SB: As you know, Google is constantly researching new technologies and new opportunities for growth. We have been taking a look at the mobile phone market, but it's way too early to know if anything will come of it.

DC: Why the phone business?

SB: Well it's been estimated that there are roughly 2 billion mobile phone users around the world today. That's about 1/3 of the earth's total population. With those kind of numbers it's only natural that advertisers would want to tap into that market, and Google thinks that is going to be a significant market in the future.

DC: You mean ads on our cellphones?

SB: Yes. Traditional advertising to be sure, but we think that with more and more people using their phones for internet access, something unobtrusive like Google AdSense would be a nice fit.

DC: Google's going to put ads on my cellphone? I already pay out the wazoo for cellular service, and now Google wants me to pay to get ads too?

SB: Let me ask you this. How would you feel about a free phone, with no contract, in exchange for a few AdSense ads appearing on your phone? I think many people will find an offer like that very appealing.

DC: It sounds fascist to me. A little big-brotherish, if you know what I mean.

SB: Why would you say that?

DC: Because, it's my phone. I don't want to walk around with a little billboard in my pocket that's constantly messing with my head and trying to get me to buy stuff. A phone is supposed to be something you talk into, not something that's trying to sell you a big screen TV.

SB: I don't think the younger generation sees it that way. I think advertising and brand awareness are very important to them. Let me ask you something, have you ever seen a young person when he's not being advertised to? Have you ever seen them when they're not plugged into something? What happens. They get bored, that's what happened. They get sweaty and anxious without a constant stream of commercials coursing through their brains. That's why branding is so important. A young person today doesn't ask "who am I" or "where did I come from" or "what will I do with my life" - they ask "what's my brand identity?" That's their whole concept of being.

DC: You're mad, Sergey. You know that don't you?

SB: Ad supported is the wave of the future, Dead Cat, and Google is going to be a leader, not a follower.

DC: So what else are you guys working on besides the "Google Phone"?

SB: Well we do have one project that I'm particularly excited about but I'm afraid I can't discuss that now.

DC: Oh c'mon Sergey, you know that no one reads this blog. Believe me, your secret is safe here.

SB: You're sure no one reads this?

DC: Positive.

SB: Ok, try this on for size. How does "Google Dreams" grab you?

DC: "Google Dreams"? You don't mean...

SB: Exactly. Just think about it. We spend 1/3 of our lives sleeping. That's 1/3 of our lives that's been out of the reach of advertisers. At least, until now.

DC: No, no, no...Now wait a minute. Are you saying advertisers are going to put ads into our dreams?

SB: There's been some very exciting work in this field, and we think the technology is just about ready to roll out. What do you think of an AdSense ad that not only appears on your computer screen, but also embeds itself into your subconscious and waits there for you to fall asleep before re-emerging in your dreams?

DC: I don't think I'll ever want to fall asleep again.

SB: The money Google can make from selling AdWords would be enormous. How much do you think it would be worth for a brand like Folgers or Maxwell House to buy a word like "coffee" and insert it in your dreams, so that when you wake up in the morning the first thing you're thinking is "Mmmmm, I sure could go for a cup of Folgers." Or MacDonalds, maybe. They might like to buy "hungry" so that you'd wake up craving one of their breakfast combo meals. I tell you the potential is enormous.

DC: Or Pfizer could buy the words "Angelina Jolie" so that everytime you dream of her you'd get a Viagra ad.

SB: Exactly! Something like that.

DC: Google ads on my desktop, Google ads on my laptop, Google ads on my cellphone, and now Google ads in my dreams. My God, you guys really are planning to take over the world.

SB: We're just bringing new efficiencies to the market, that's all, and the internet has made it possible.

DC: Now you've got me scared, Sergey. Anything else on Google's radar screen?

SB: "Google Graves"?

DC: Google what?

SB: You know funerals are very expensive. I think a lot of people would gladly accept some discreet, tasteful advertising in exchange for a free funeral service and grave site.

DC: Advertising? Where?

SB: On the headstone. You know, maybe a 1-800-flowers ad or something like that. Very respectful. Or maybe a health spa ad. You know, a 24 hour Fitness or someone like that could place something on the headstone as well.

DC: You mean something like "Don't end up like Fred. Call 24 Hour Fitness for your free trial membership."

SB: Sure. Something like that.

DC: Well thanks for talking with us Sergey. As always, it's been a frightening look into the future.

SB: Don't be frightened. When the world finally let's go of its fear and goes Google, it will be a better place.

DC: Now I'm really scared.

More Boring Guitar Stuff

F G A B flat C D E F

Oh, hello. I hope you don't mind if I practice my scales while I post tonight. The weather's been so nice that I haven't felt like staying inside and practicing my music, so I have to do a little multitasking if I want to blog and still get in my scale work.

F E D C B flat A G B

As you know I got this book called "Beginning Jazz Guitar" so I could bone-up on my music theory, and exercise my fingers at the same time. The book is called "Beginning Jazz Guitar", by the way, and not "Jazz Guitar for Beginners" because you have to know the basics before you can start in with it. Anyways, it starts you off with scale work (the chromatic scale, for those following along at home), and the first lesson was learning the chromatic scale with what is called 6-2 fingering.

G flat A flat B flat B D flat E flat F G flat

So all last week I practiced the 6-2, and when I finally had it down I put the DVD back in the machine and played back the lesson, and, wouldn't you know it, I had been playing the fingerings all wrong. That's the problem with being self-taught; if there had been a live teacher then he/she would have pointed out the problem immediately. Instead, I went the whole week doing it wrong and now I've got to go back and learn it all over. Grrrr.....

G flat F E flat D flat B flat A flat G flat

But I really like the book. In fact it's part of a series put out by the National Guitar Workshop and published by Alfred Music. There are other supplemental books that go along with it on theory for guitar, fretboard knowledge and ear training that provide more in-depth material on the concepts covered. I got the theory and fretboard books, and I learned the best trick yet for learning the guitar fretboard.

G A B C sharp D E F sharp G

Yeah, I know, who cares, but listen, people pay 50 or 60 bucks an hour to learn this stuff, and I'm giving it to you for free. Besides, if you're learning the guitar you'll want to know this, and if you have a child that's learning then it's important for you to sit down and talk to them about this. Believe me, they'll be glad you did, and, let's face it, practicing scales gets a little boring so I need something to keep my mind busy.

G F sharp E D C sharp B A G

The concept is called the "Warped W", and it is handiest thing I've ever seen for learning the guitar fretboard. As some of you may know, because of its system of white keys and black keys, it takes about 5 minutes to learn the names of the keys on a piano. All you have to do is learn the pattern and you instantly know the name of any key on the keyboard. Unfortunately, on a guitar you don't have any white keys and black keys, so that makes learning the notes a little more difficult.


A flat B flat C D E flat F A flat

The "Warped W" is a pattern on the fretboard that allows you to visualize the notes, just as the white and black keys do on the piano. The system is easy. You start with string 6. Hopefully you know the notes going up the fretboard on string 6 just from playing your basic barre chords, but if you don't it'll only take you a few minutes to memorize them. So, you start with string 6, at, say, fret 1, which would be an F.


A flat F E flat D C B flat A flat

Now, to find the other F's on the fretboard going across all six strings you just need to know these four shortcuts: 4(2), 2(3), 5(2), 3(2), 6(2). Since string 1 is just 2 octaves above string 6, you don't really need to worry about that one. If you can find the note on string 6, you can find it on string 1. So what do the funny numbers mean?


A B C sharp D sharp E F sharp G sharp A

Well if string 6, fret 1 is an F, then to find the next F up the neck you up 2 frets and it will be on string 4, then go up 3 frets and it will be on string 2, then up 2 frets to string 5, and up another 2 frets to string 3, and finally up 2 more frets and back to string 6. If you draw that out on a fretboard diagram it will look a little like a "W" tilted to the right, hence the name "Warped W". Now, if you've got that memorized you can start to do some advanced note finding.



A G sharp F sharp E D sharp C sharp B A

For example, your playing the 6th fret of string 4, what note is that? Well, if you look at the diagram you'll see that all you have to do is subtract 2 frets from string 4 and then read the note off of string 6. In this case, 4 minus 2 equals 2, and the 2nd fret on string 6 is an F sharp, so you're playing an F sharp. With a little practice you can find the notes very quickly. On string 4 you subtract 2 frets, on string 2 you subtract 5 frets, on string 5 you subtract 7 frets, and on string 3 you subtract 9 frets. So, if your playing fret 6 on string 3, you subtract 9 frets which gives you a negative 3, which is the same as 3 frets below fret 12 (think about it) or fret 9. Fret 9 on the 6 string is a C sharp, so you know your note is a C sharp.


B flat C D E flat F G A B flat

It's sounds complicated the way I explain it, but it's very simple. Just remember 4(2), 2(3), 5(2), 3(2), and 6(2), and you'll see what I mean. It also makes it easy to do things like chord inversions because you can always find the nearest alternate finger position for any given note. Very handy, and I'm giving it to you free of charge.

B flat A G F E flat D C B flat

Sorry for such a boring post tonight, but this is what's on my mind. I feel like a kid again learning all this music stuff that I should have learned years and years ago. I even went out and bought a copy of Guitar Player Magazine the other day. I haven't read that Mag since I was about 13 years old, and it's still as useless as ever, but it's like I'm reverting back to my teen years. That's not necessarily a good thing, but it has me feeling young again.

By the way, they now have 2 versions of Guitar Player Magazine - one is the same old rock 'n roll magazine it's always been, the the other is called "Guitar Player Magazine Acoustic". The difference between the two is that the regular "Guitar Player" talks about musicians before they've entered rehab, and "Guitar Player Acoustic" deals with musicians after they've left.

It's true. You look at "Guitar Player" and it's all these rock 'n roll, party animal, trash the hotel room types, and you look at "Guitar Player Acoustic" and it has these old gray-haired guys who've showered and shaved and are into organic foods and herbal supplements.

Oh well, we all get older don't we.

Man Candy

Did I just spend $1,100 for a pair of sunglasses? Well, yes, I did, but thanks to the miracle of modern health care they only set me back $400 bucks. I don't know how I ended up with such a generous vision plan, but all I can say is "thank god for full employment" (knock on wood).

So what do you get for $1,100 that you couldn't get for $9.99 at Walgreens? How about a pair of Maui Jim's with a flexon titanium frame and polarized, polycarbonate progressive lenses. These things are light and strong (unbreakable, or so flexon claims), and, if I do so myself, very sexy looking.

I mean, let's be honest here; I look good in these glasses. What can I say. Some people are just naturally cool, and these are some cool looking shades. That's a picture of me over on the left there. Well...almost. It's basically what I look like if instead of a young, hunky looking guy wearing his Maui Jim's you imagine some old, fat guy wearing his Maui Jim's, but the basic idea is the same.

Yeah, the chicks dig me, and why not. You take all that raw, animal magnetism and dress it up in a pair of Maui Jim's, and the ladies don't stand a chance, you know what I mean. You don't? You think I'm kidding? Well, I just want all you guys out there, all of you losers who don't have a cool pair of shades, to take a look at the picture below and see the kind of action I'm geting. Ha, eat your heart out.

(Maybe with a facelift and some liposuction I could be getting that kind of action)

Anyways, I think I'm gonna go down to da' club now and hang for a while. Not to drink or anything like that, but just to stand there with my Maui Jim's and strike sexy poses. You know, with one hand in my pocket and a sort of masculine stare on my face that betrays nothing but promises everything. Yeah, the chicks really go for that sort of thing.

So see ya' later, and if there's no blog post tomorrow that just means I'm busy with the ladies. Oh yeah.

I Read The News Today, Oh Boy

As if people talking on their cellphones while driving wasn't bad enough, read this article from the Wall Street Journal (subscription required) that describes the new phenomena called DWT, or Driving While Texting. Yep, that's right. It seems that increasing numbers of drivers are either checking their email or SMS'ing or IM'ing while driving their vehicles. According to the article, 37% of drivers between the ages of 18 and 27 do it, and why not. What better thing to do while you're screaming down the highway at 70 mph than squinting down to look at a little 3 inch screen. I tell ya', with all the distracted drivers on the roads it's getting to the point where it's just not safe to leave your driveway anymore.

Of course nowadays your higher-end cars you have radar that can detect when you're getting to close to another vehicle, and I guess they should probably get those things installed on all new cars as soon as possible. That way you can be talking on the phone and checking your email and eating your lunch and watching TV and playing video games, all while reading the paper or putting on your makeup, and if you get too close to another vehicle the radar will kick in and perform some sort of evasive maneuver for you. That's what it's gonna come to, you know. Instead of attentively streaming through the capillaries and arteries of our roads and highway systems, we'll all be doing other things as our cars electronically bounce off each other like a bunch of ping pong balls. Probably take a half a day just to go 2 blocks, but hey, at least we'll be entertained.

Ooh boy, I wanna tell you...

(ding-dong)

What's that? Uh-oh, someone's at the door. Maybe if I'm real quiet they'll think nobody's home.

(ding-dong, ding-dong)

Crap. I wonder who it is? You know, maybe I told you this story, but one time around New Years the doorbell rang, and I went down to answer it, and when I opened the door there was one of the most beautiful Vietnamese women I ever saw in my life standing on my doorstep. Apparently she was looking for her friend's house and got the addresses mixed up, and it was like -

"Hello. Is this the Tran residence?"

"What."

"Does Linda Tran live here?"

(Now keep in mind this woman was incredibly fine. What us old timers would call a looker, with long, silky black hair, gorgeous eyes, a beautiful face and a sleek, slender body. Grrrrrrr......)

"The Tran residence?", I said, my eyes staring right at her and my pulse running about 300 beats per second. "Yeah, this is the Tran residence. Sure, why not. C'mon in."

"No, I'm looking for Linda. Is there a Linda here?"

"Oh, you're one of Linda's friends. She's my sister...my, uh, older sister. She just went down to the store but she should be right back. Why don't you come in and wait."

"No, I think I must have the wrong house."

"Oh, don't say that. It's the right house. Believe me, it's the right house. This house. This house is the right house."

"Is this ____________?"

"___________? Um, um...no, I'm sorry. _________ is the next street over."

"Oh, I thought this didn't seem right. I must have missed my turn. Well, thank you. You've been very helpful."

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to come in? (Please, please, come in. Don't make me beg.) You know, warm your bones a little. It's pretty cold out tonight."

"No, no thanks. Maybe some other time. Well, thanks for your help."

"Some other time? Did you say some other time? When? Tomorrow? Next week? How about later on tonight? I'll be here. I don't have anything to do except post to my stupid blog. Please come by again. Please. Do you need my number? Please come back. Please"

And she was gone.

(Unlike 90% of what I post that's a true story. Well, more or less.)

(ding-dong, ding-dong)

Alright already. Hey, wait a minute. Maybe that's her. Maybe that's that Vietnames girl. Maybe she decided to come back after all. I better go answer the door.

"Hello, is this the Myers residence?"

"Yes."

"Mr. Myers my name is Bob and I'm doing a survey for BigMedia, Inc. I wonder if you'd have a couple of minutes to answer a few questions about public sentiment?"

"Public sentiment?"

"Yes, that's right. We're trying to get an overall picture of just how the public is feeling these days. It won't take more than a minute if you don't mind."

"I don't mind."

"Good. First, can I ask you how you are feeling about life in general?"

"Pretty good. It's a beautiful day, I got my health, and nothing to complain about."

"Well, as you know the stock market has been taking quite a tumble lately. How does that make you feel?"

"Yeah, well that's kind of a bummer. But hey, it'll come back, and besides, I still got the house."

"What about housing prices? As you know they've been falling and foreclosures are on the rise."

"Yeah, I guess that's kind of a bummer too. I am feeling a little poorer come to think of it."

"Has the rising price of gasoline affected you in any way?"

"It's getting pretty expensive. Forty bucks to fill my tank, and I drive a fuel efficient car. Man, stocks are down, house prices are down, gas is up, and..."

"How about the war in Iraq? Are you comfortable with what's being accomplished there and the mounting casualties?"

"Well, no, how could I be. Yeah, come to think of it we've got falling stocks, falling house prices, rising gasoline, a war in Iraq, and ..."

"Does the gridlock in Washington concern you?"

"You know maybe I'm not that happy after all."

"Crime, pollution, corruption?"

"I think I'm getting a headache."

"Terrorism?"

"I think I need to go lie down."

"Corporate greed, government incompetence?"

"Please, no more, no more."

"Declining standards, failing schools, global warm..."

"All right, all right. You win. I feel terrible, ok. I feel just awful."

"Then you'd say you're feeling pessimistic about the future?"

"Yes, yes. We're all doomed."

"Thank you, that's all we wanted to know. BigMedia would like to thank you for your cooperation. Have a pleasant evening."

"I think I'm gonna go down to the garage and shoot myself. Good night and thanks for stopping by."

Well, that was certainly interesting. Let me see, what was I talking about before I got interrupted. Oh yeah...ah, who cares. We're all doomed, and nothing can save us except...

I wonder if that Vietnamese girl meant it when she said "some other time"?

River City's Gonna Have Her Boys Band

The problem with the weather being so nice is that I don't feel like sitting in front of my computer and posting to the blog. I'm guessing we were in the low 80's today, and should be in the high 70's tomorrow with nothing but clean air and blue sky. Ahhhh......

About the only thing that could make it any nicer would be to sit out on the porch and read the New York Times for free. Hey, wait a minute. I almost forgot. I can sit down on the porch and read the New York Times for free. In case you haven't heard (and since I'm always the last person to know about the really cool stuff I'm guessing you already have), the New York Times is now available for free over the internet. No, I'm not talking about the website - I mean the actual paper.

Go to this website, download and install the software, and you'll see what I mean. If you've ever tried Zinio then you're probably pretty skeptical about this stuff. I know I was, but it looks like the NY Times finally got it right - no zooming, no pan-and-scan, or any of that garbage. It's as close as anyone's come to as making the onscreen version of their publication as easy to use as the paper version. Download it and try it and see what you think. I think you'll like it, and, of course, it's free. I don't know how the NY Times can afford to give away their paper for free and still make their payroll, but like someone once said, "it ain't my problem."

(The preceding infomercial was brought to you by the New York Times Company. Heh, heh, heh, more of that viral marketing...)

Speaking of things online, as you know I've been trying to learn the piano. As you might also know, I recently bought a guitar and have started playing again after about 20 years away from the instrument. As you might not know, the only real music training I've had was a Music Appreciation class they made me take back in the 7th grade (that was back when public schools not only taught music, but made art and music mandatory requirements for graduation. How times have changed.)

Needless to say, I've long since forgotten almost everything I learned in the 7th grade, including my Music Appreciation class. In fact the only thing I really remember from that class was learning to read music. You know, A B C D E F G, clefs, time signatures, whole notes, half notes, quarter notes, quavers, semiquavers, whole rests, half rests, and on and on and on..., the whole bloody lot.

I also remember that for some reason dotted notes never made sense to me, and used to trip me up every time. We had these exercises where you had to count out the rhythms, like one, two, three, four, one, (two), three, (four), one, (two), (three), four, and so on, depending on the type of note. I'm sure if you ever had to learn standard notation you'll know what I'm talking about. Anyways, I never had a problem with rhythms except for those damned dotted notes. I hated those things because every time I saw one it meant I had to do math. It's like you have to divide it by two which is the same as multiplying by one-half, or something, and then you've got to take the result and multiply it by the sin of theta over pi r squared, or is that the cosine of theta times two pi r? Crap, I forgot. Oh well, then you take the cube root of the inverse ratio of that and round it to the nearest positive integer, and that's how many beats you count.

Or something like that. I'm telling you those dotted notes are complicated and have ruined many a promising musician. I mean, I just wanted to learn how to play "Louie, Louie", not have to do a bunch of math, and yet here they were throwing a bunch of screwy notes at me. I also remember when the music teacher handed out the exercises, the first thing I'd do is look for dotted notes so I could plan ahead.

"There's one. Okay, that's a dotted half so that means I gotta count to three. Remember that, when you get to that count to three. Count to three. Count to three. Okay, remember. Count to three. I got it. Here it comes. Alright. Ready. Here it is. Oh crap, what was I supposed to do. Count to five? Damn. I can't remember."

Music Appreciation class messed me up for years and years with stuff like that. I was pretty traumatized for a while, but eventually I got over it. So now here I am all these years later, and what am I doing? Learning music theory of course, which brings me back to the topic of online sites and the fact that I haven't really found a good one for learning music theory.

What I did instead was buy a book/DVD course called "Beginning Jazz Guitar" by a guy named Jody Fisher. It's pretty good, but you have to know how to play the guitar to use it. It's lots of scale work, which is to be expected because it's hard to learn theory without knowing your scales upside-down, inside-out and backwards. Of course it's hard to really learn your scales if you don't know the fretboard, and that's what I'm working on now: memorizing the fretboard. It's not that hard, but I bet you not 1 in 3 guitarists have the fretboard memorized. Most are like me and just know some chords and some licks and weird stuff you can do by playing with the knobs. It's too bad that most guitarists aren't taught the same way other musicians are. I wish that I was taught theory when I started out instead of having to learn it now, but, as you know, guitarists are stupid and can't handle all that music stuff.

But that's all water under the dam. Like I said, if you want to learn theory then there really aren't any great websites out there. However, there are some that are useful. Musictheory.net has some basic information for raw beginners, but what I like are their free training exercises. The note trainer is especially nice for a beginning pianist, although my problem isn't so much seeing "G" and knowing "G", but rather seeing "G" and playing "G". I can see a G on the staff and know what it is, but somewhere between the brain and the fingers the signal gets garbled and I end up playing and "E" instead. If I had a penny for every time I did that, then, well, that would be a lot of copper. Still, it's a good little trainer.

For the guitarist trying to learn his key signatures (uh, that would be me), then Zentao.com has a nice little tutorial page on the Circle of Fifths. It has the usual information and the wheel and all that, but if you scroll down to the bottom of the page it has one of the simplest diagrams of the circle of fifths and circle of fourths I've ever seen - for a guitarist, that is. If you don't play the guitar the diagrams won't do you a bit of good, but if you do play, then just look at those things. They're easy to memorize, and you'll have your major key signatures down in no time. I still don't know who Father Charles was, though.

And finally, for musicians or anyone else who needs ear training, take a look at Ear Master Pro. It's probably the best ear training you can get outside of a classroom, and costs around 70 bucks. I've been using it for a couple of weeks now and can say, without a doubt, that it hasn't done me a damn bit of good. But, this is hard stuff, my friend. I expect it will probably take years for me to really develop my ear, but the program promises that when I'm through with it I'll be able to hear a song on the radio and take out a piece of manuscript paper and write it down on the spot. We'll see, we'll see.

Anyways, that's all for a Monday. Gotta practice my scales, you know. Oh, and one more thing. I don't know where I read this, but someone did a survey and found that one of the things most people regret is not learning music. Sounded a little fishy to me at first, but you know there are probably a lot of people out there who regret never learning to play a musical instrument or learning how to read and understand music. Maybe someone like you. So, I say, get off your butt, go buy a piano or a guitar or a recorder or whatever, and learn to play. Sheeesh, don't just think about it - do it.

So there, don't you feel motivated now.

Elgar Was Self-Taught You Know

They sent Scooter off to jail today. Well, not really. They convicted him, though, and I'm sure everyone in America is relieved to know they got the mastermind behind the whole Valerie Plame affair.

What's that? You think this thing doesn't stop at Scooter? You think there might have been higher-ups involved? Tsk, tsk. What a skeptical public we've become.

Oh well, it was Scooter that got thrown to the lions, and that's the game they play up there in Washington, I guess.

Anyways, you're probably wondering how my piano practice is going. Pretty good, actually, except that I've completely lost the use of my right hand. Well, not completely, but it's awful hard to make a closed fist or hang on to a can of soda (damn things keep slipping out of my hand). What's even worse is that picking up a guitar again after 20 years of not playing has had the opposite effect on my other hand. Fingering the strings seems to have put my left hand into a perpetual state of close-fistedness.

So there you have it. In medical school I think this is a situation they call "the mind is willing but the body says 'Dude, what are you doing?'" If you don't know what I'm talking about then you just wait. You'll start piling on the years and you'll see what's it's like to need a magnifying glass to read food labels or a few extra seconds to work your way out of the easy chair. You just wait, 'cause it'll happen to you.

So if I have any words of advice for all you elder statesmen out there who might decide to start playing the piano at an age beyond what common sense would otherwise dictate, it would be this: Go slow- very, very slow. For starters, I'd say a half hour of practice three times a week would be plenty. Then, after a month, maybe a half hour every other day, or something like that.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT make the mistake of thinking that your fingers don't know that you're not a ten year old kid anymore. I've been there and done that, and now it's all I can do to get enough grip in my hand to keep from dropping my fork at the dinner table.

Still, that keyboard is lots of fun. If you don't have any worthwhile hobbies or pursuits and you're looking for something to do with your time, then I'd highly recommend getting one. Just to play around with, if nothing else. I probably shouldn't mention this but that software I'm using taught me how to play the "Ode To Joy" the baby way, but, and I don't want to brag here, I figured out how to play it the right way - using two hands no less. Ha, is that talent or what?

Anyways, sore fingers means less piano practice which means more blogging time, so look for more to come here at the Dead Cat and over at Fiddle News. I know how excited you must be to hear that. And of course, I've still got that opera to write. I hope I can learn the piano real quick 'cause I want to get started on that. Right now, though it's time for me to go soak my fingers.

It's such a pain getting old.

The Hottest Spot on the Web

If you've ever read this blog then you know that one of my big interests is classical music, and, in particular, violinists. Unfortunately, I've never been able to find a single resource where I can track down all the latest violinist news from around the net. That is, until today when I found this great new site called...

Ah, this isn't working. Please disregard the previous paragraph. It was my feeble attempt at what the web people call "viral marketing". You know, you post something on a blog or a forum that's supposed to look innocent and unrehearsed, but which is actually a cleverly disguised advertisement. Well, I can't do it. I'm just too honest.

So instead I'd like to announce that I've started a new blog called Fiddle News which can be found at www.fiddlenews.com. It's not a blog like this one, but a real blog - what's called a "link farm" or something like that (I'm not too hip to all this Web 2.0 stuff quite yet). Basically, since I like to surf around for interesting violinist stories, I thought I might as well post what I find to a blog somewhere, hence Fiddle News.

It's nothing heavy. Just a short paragraph and a link or two to an interview or review or something like that about a well-known violinist. I was taking a look at it and I think it's a nice, breezy little browse. Something you can come back to every now and then if you're interested in that sort of thing. I can't claim it's comprehensive because there are probably a couple hundred thousand violinists in the world, but it covers most of the major ones - at least those that are known to most U.S. audiences.

So there you have it. I'll still be here at Dead Cat blogging as usual, baring my soul to an uncaring world. Fiddle News is more of sideline sort of thing, but I think it'll be fun. I just started it on Saturday so there's still a lot of work to do, but if you feel like it why don't you check it out.

It's Right Because I'm Special

Hey, am I at the right place? Something looks peculiar around here. It's like, all different. Oh yeah, that's right. Winter's almost over and I switched over to my new spring wardrobe. How do I look? You don't think this makes me look fat, do you?

Actually, I was sitting around the house listening to Pink Floyd and staring at my black light posters and thought "hey, why not try a new template." So that's what you're seeing. Pretty trippy, huh?

Speaking of Digg.com, is this really the future of journalism? In case you've been living under a rock, Digg is the site where rather than have editors decide what news stories make the front page, the users vote on the stories that interest them the most and create their own hierarchy of what is important and what isn't. For instance, as I write this the lead story on Yahoo News is the tornado that killed 19 in Alabama, while on Digg the lead story is a man who smokes through his eye socket (I'm not making that up).

So what conclusion can we media critics draw from the Digg phenomena? Hell if I know, but I'm from that generation that grew up with Walter Cronkite and Huntley and Brinkley filtering through the days news and separating out the important from the trivial. When I think of the news I think of the major events of the day, but for the Digg generation that is strictly "old school". Thanks to the internet we are now free to choose what is important to us, not to Walter Cronkite, and that's a good thing, right? Are there consequences we haven't considered?

Well, first off, we can forget about this notion of the internet creating a global community. In one sense it has because the entire world is now interconnected, but in the more profound sense the internet, rather than creating a global community, has instead created global networks of special interest sub-communities. Digg, for example, is primarily a tech site, and serves a worldwide community of tech enthusiasts, while a Ionarts.org might serve a worldwide community of classical music enthusiasts or a Myspace.com might serve a worldwide community of perverts and pedophiles. There are hundreds of thousands of other sites each catering to their niche, and it's all very specialized and very fragmented. For the techie looking for the hot hi-tech news or the music geek looking for the latest concert review, though, the internet is a dream come true.

So what's my point. Well, it seems that as we each begin to customize our global view and narrow our focus, we just might be losing the forest for the trees. Take the Iraq war, for instance. As I've said before this has got to be the strangest war in American history. We have armed forces overseas and people dying every day, and yet outside of the occasional speech or bumper sticker, the American public seems largely unaffected. I know some people like to compare this war to the Viet Nam war, but, on the home front at least, it's not even close. Believe me, back then the Viet Nam war was topic number one on everybody's agenda, and when Walter Cronkite hinted that the war might be a lost cause, everybody paid attention.

That's not true of this war, and I'm proposing that maybe it's because of the changing nature of how we receive our news. The war in Iraq isn't topic one because it simply isn't on our home pages, or in our RSS readers, or at the top of the list at Digg.com. It's not part of this little niche that occupies so much of our lives, and I suppose that the big news organizations are the primary reason we are so distracted. After all, for a generation that has been raised on "news as entertainment", why shouldn't the big story of the day be some guy who smokes through his eyeballs?

Well, it's just a thought, and I'm not criticizing Digg.com. Even though I'm not enough of a geek to use if much, it's pretty clear that the Digg model of user edited content is the future. I'm just not sure where it's all leading.