Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

So I told you I was selling a house. Did you think I'd have time for blogging too? Sheesh, I barely have time for sleep, let alone profound blog thoughts.

Anyways, in case you were wondering I've been doing this house thing, and let me tell you, it's no fun being a seller. You just keep worrying and wondering if it's going to sell and if anyone's going to want to buy it, and it certainly doesn't help that every night some gloomy gus comes on the news and starts telling you how lousy the housing market is now. "Why, you'd have to be some kind of moron to try to sell a house in this market."

"Gee, thanks. I feel better now."

Now I'm sure that there are lots of people who have no problem selling their house. They just go with the flow and let the markets work their magic. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. I'm the type that when the house inspector comes out I'm just sure he's going to find major damage -

"Say, Mr. Myers, we checked under the house and it looks like the whole thing has fallen off it's foundation."

"It has? Is that what that big crack in the living room is?"

"Must be. It'll cost you three million dollars to fix it."

"Anything else?"

"Well the upstairs plumbing is leaking and you've got water damage in all the walls and floors."

"So that's why we haven't had any water pressure."

"Cost you three million dollars to fix it."

"Anything else?"

"Oh, and about that roof."

"Yes?"

"Well, have you noticed you don't have one?"

"To tell you the truth I haven't really looked."

"Yeah, it looks like the termites and the roof rats have eaten the roof all the way down to the rafters."

"Don't tell me. Three million do..."

"Cost you five million dollars to fix that."

Yeah, it's no fun to be a seller. It's kind of like going in front of St. Peter and answering for all your sins, you know what I mean. You know that Judgment Day is going to come, but you just keep putting things off. Then, you decide to sell and find out that all those little jobs you meant to get to sooner or later are written right there in that book. On the other hand, I am blogging tonight so I guess that can only mean one thing. Yep,

Someone actually wants to buy the house!

In fact it's better than that. Lots of people want to buy the house. Hmmm, seems to me that maybe that old saying is in need of a rewrite. Happiness may be a warm puppy, but true happiness is a good location and multiple offers. Anyways, that's why I'm blogging tonight. The house is sold, and for 3% over the asking price. So much for the great housing collapse of 2007. It might look like that in Detroit, but here in the Silicon Valley jobs are plentiful, demand is high, and folks are flush with cash.

Of course, the fact that it was...I mean is...I mean was...a great house might have something tgo do with it. I'm gonna miss my little castle in Spain. I really am, but life goes on. Still, I get a little misty eyed just thinking about how the new owners are gonna feel on that first peaceful morning when they look out their window at that serene little yard and see the dew on the grass and roses in bloom, and the deer out in the front yard eating all their exotic flowers and fancy ornamentals. Damn, I'm gonna miss those #$@^! deer.

But I don't want to talk about selling the house because, frankly, who cares. I've been thinking I should start a blog about books that came out four years ago and that I'm now just getting around to reading. I mean, that's how most books get read, isn't it? Most people don't read a book the day it comes out (except for Harry Potter). They hear about it or read a review, and think "Sounds good. I should read that sometime", and then four years later they finally get around to reading it.

The book I just read is The Devil in The White City by Erik Larson, and it was great. I know that's not much of a review but the book came out four years ago for crying out loud. At this point, what more can I say?

Anyways, the book is about the Great Columbian Exposition of 1893 and mass murder. It seems like a strange combination, but it works (and it's nonfiction, by the way). The thing that got me was how magnificent that World's Fair must have been. Think about it. People from farms in Iowa, Indiana, and Illinois who had no running water and only kerosine lamps to light their houses, got on trains and traveled to this fair in Chicago and saw these huge buildings lit with electric lights, saw safety elevators take people up and down in little cars, saw electric boats gliding silently on Lake Michigan, saw a giant wheel lift people three hundred feet in the air (Ferris' wheel was the tallest structure in Chicago at the time), saw kinetiscopes displaying moving pictures, and perhaps most amazing of all saw Thomas Edison's new invention that could actually capture and store the human voice. They say the people who saw the fair never forgot it.

Now here we are a little over a hundred years later, and that kind of awe-inspiring spectacle will never be seen again. It can't be. We've now become so accustomed to technological change and the pace of technological change, that most of the wonder and the magic are simply gone. Well not gone so much as mass-produced into irrelevance. Isn't that what the Iphone is really all about? Nowadays, "wonder" is focus-grouped and field-tested and produced in such a machine-like fashion that real "wonder" is just a relic of a bygone era, replaced by "hype" and "buzz". Or do you think it's just a coincidence that the Iphone is being released at 6:00 pm just when the local newscasts are going on the air? Do you think that Apple is going to complain when all the local news shows send their live crews down to the local Apple store to provide breaking coverage of "Iphone mania"?

It's the age we live in. The age of "Buzz". Man, what I wouldn't give to have lived a hundred and fourteen years ago, to have been ignorant and unknowing, and to have traveled to the World's Fair.

The Prince and the Pauper

"Hey! What the ... How did you get in here?"

"Sorry Senator, but the door was open. I thought it would be ok."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No. You see I just wanted to talk to you for a sec..."

"Justin... Justin... JUSTIN!"

(a reply comes from another room)

"Yes Senator?"

"Justin. Who let this person in my office?"

(Justin enters the room)

"What? Hey, you can't be in here."

"If you don't mind I just wanted to ask the Senator a few questions."

(Justin replies)

"Look, you'll have to leave. No one is allowed in here without an appointment."

"But..."

"I said you'll have to leave. Do you understand?"

"Sure, I understand. I'm going, ok? But, first I wanted to ask the Senator a few questions. It'll only take a minute. I promise."

(Now the Senator starts speaking)

"What did you want to talk to me about? If you need a pass to visitor's gallery Justin can get you one from the front desk."

"No, I wanted to ask you about health care reform."

"I don't discuss policy - not without an appointment."

"But I'm one of your constituents. Don't you have time to talk a voter?"

"Yeah, sure. What's this really about? A hospital? A clinic? Let me guess, you need some help from Washington. A few dollars to get you going, or waiver of some kind. Right?"

"No, nothing like that. I just..."

"Justin, maybe you should explain the proper procedures to this gentleman."

(Justin turns to me)

"The senator is always glad to listen to the needs of his constituents, but you've got to understand that the senator is a very busy man and there are lots of people asking for his time. He can't just talk to every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes walking into his office. Of course, if someone was to do the senator a little favor, then I'm sure he'd be happy to offer whatever assistance he could."

"A favor? Like what?"

"Oh any little thing. It doesn't have to be much."

"You mean money? You want me to give the Senator some money?"

"No, no, no. A favor is all he asks."

"Well, I could give him twenty bucks."

Twenty dollars? Is that some kind of a joke? You're offering us twenty ..."

(The Senator bursts out laughing)

"Ah hell, Justin. Let the man have his say. Besides, twenty bucks might come in handy. Tell you what, just put the money on my desk there and I'll see what I can do for you. And that's a campaign contribution, you understand. I don't want want you to get the wrong idea."

"Yeah, sure...here you go."

"So you want to talk about health care reform, do you. Ok, what do you want to know?"

"Well Senator, I mean, you know, somethings gotta be done. Health care costs are going through the roof, and everybody's paying more and more and lots of employers are dropping health care coverage altogether, and people need help."

"Rumors, all rumors. I can assure you our health care system is the best in the world."

"Excuse me Senator, but they're not rumors. It's getting bad out there."

"Well then it's those damn illegals. They come over here just so they can get sick."

"With all due respect Senator..."

"Justin, get Fred Blake over at the National HMO Association on the phone. I want to see if he's heard anything about this health care problem."

"Sure Senator...I'm dialing...Hello, this is Senator ____'s office calling. Is Mr. Blake available. Yes, sure, thank you...Hello, Mr. Blake? Hello sir, I've got Senator ____ on the line. Just one moment...Fred Blake on line 1 Senator."

"Hello Fred? How 'ya doing you ol' fart. Yeah...what?...oh yeah, she's fine. Yeah, they're fine too. My oldest is starting college in the fall. Yeah, Harvard, wants to be a lawyer. I told her she ought to try to find some honest work instead. Hah, hah, hah...What? Are you kidding? Gonna cost me an arm and a leg...yeah, well...yeah, we're both very proud...Listen Fred, the reason I'm calling is because I've got a citizen in my office now and he's telling me there's something wrong with the health care system in this country. No...no...of course not, I'm just telling you what he said... What?...Yeah, I got it...Yeah, it was. It was very generous, and believe me I'm not gonna forget you for this...Huh?...No, that's not necess...well, yeah, sure. I appreciate that. You know how expensive these campaigns are getting nowadays...What?...The Bahamas? Let me check my calendar and get back to you on that...No, I haven't heard anything. I tell you, I don't think anything's going to happen until after the election...No, don't worry. That's not going to be a problem...Well thanks. I'm always glad to help. But listen, about this health care thing...well, you see, that's what I thought. You know how these news shows are. Getting people all worked up over nothing. Christ, they can't find any real news to cover so they've gotta start making things up and getting everybody in a panic... Yeah, I know, I know, it's those damn illegals. Listen, I gotta go, but I'll get back to you on that Bahama's thing...Sure...no problem. Say hello to the missus for me. Alright Fred, great talking to you."

(The Senator hangs up and talks to me)

"That was Fred Blake, and believe you me he knows everything there is to know about the health care business. You know he lobbies for over 100 different HMO's and PPO's in this country. There isn't anything he doesn't know about health care, and he tells me there's nothing wrong with the system. Says it's just these news people who are creating the problem. If I were you I'd just stop worrying and let the government take care of things. And don't believe everything you read in the paper."

"But Senator, it's real. People are afraid of getting sick because they don't have insurance. People are scared to death that something's going to happen to their children and they won't have the money to pay for it. Old people are spending their food money on drugs. The newspapers aren't making it up."

"Look, I'd like to help you but..."

"But what?"

"But you're out of favors, if you know what I mean. Look, I answered your questions so why don't you just let me get back to my business."

"No, you haven't answered my questions. You're just burying your head in the sand."

"..."

"Senator? Did you hear me?"

"..."

"Oh, I get it. You need another favor. Sorry, I don't have any more cash on me."

"..."

"Look, you can see for yourself. My wallet's empty."

"..."

"Geez. Ok, is there an ATM around here?"

"There's a bank around the corner."

"How about a check. Will you take a check?"

"How big of a check?"

"Uh, a hundred dollars?"

"..."

"Five hundred dollars?"

"..."

"A thousand dollars? I can't go any higher than that."

"Don't make it out to me. Make it out to 'The American Freedom Coalition'. They'll see that it gets to the right account."

"The American Freedom Coalition. Right...Here you go. One thousand dollars. Now can we talk?"

"Justin, get Gloria Palmer of the American Pharmaceutical Association on the phone...What line?...Line 1?...Hello Gloria, this is Senator ____ calling. How are you today?...Yes, yes I did. That was very generous of you...Of course...I'm behind you 100% and I promise I'll do everything in my power to...Where? Where's that?...Oh, the South of France. Sounds nice. Let me check my calendar...Of course I will, just as soon as I...no, you don't have to thank me. It's my pleasure. Listen Gloria, the reason I'm calling is I've got a citizen in my office who's telling me that there are uninsured people in America who are having a hard time affording their medications. Have you heard anything about that?...Uh-huh...Uh-huh...Is that so. No I didn't know...Well that's outrageous. Someone's got to put a stop to that...I see...Well, I'm glad you told me. I had no idea...Uh-huh..Ok, I'll get in touch with you later. Alright, bye-bye."

"So what did she say? I was right, wasn't I?"

"No, you were totally wrong. She told me that the reason the health care system is in so much trouble is because people are importing dangerous drugs from overseas. Did you know that? They buy 'em cheap and import them illegally into this country. Why, that's the most underhanded thing I've ever heard of. I can tell you right now, we're going to put a stop to that."

"You're pathetic, Senator."

"What did you say?"

"I said you're pathetic. You don't care about the people at all, do you? You just take care of your rich and powerful friends so that they can take care of you, and you don't care about the needs of the average working person at all. You're pathet..."

"Now that'll be enough of that. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and listen to you whine like a little baby just because the world doesn't cater to your needs. Is that what you think we're here for? Is that what you think Congress is supposed to do? Take care of you like your mommy and your daddy? Quit you're crying and get the hell out of my office."

"You're supposed to lead us and find solutions to the nation's problems. Instead you just stuff your pockets full of money and do nothing."

"Look, I'm going to tell you something, and then I want you to leave. Ok? Congress is not here to solve the nation's problems. You're thinking about it all wrong. Congress is like...like...like a venture capitalist. People come to us with their projects and ideas, and we provide the investment capital to get them going. If you need a few highway jobs in your district, we earmark a little investment. If you need some help for your pig farmers, we earmark a little for them too. You see, that's what keeps the people happy and the nation growing. We take your tax dollars and we invest them back into the community. Is that such a bad thing?"

"So you're not going to do anything about health care reform, are you? Or social security, or immigration reform, or energy independence. All you're gonna do is bring home the bacon for the folks back home, and hope nobody notices that nothing ever gets done. As long as the voters are complacent and lazy, that's all that matters."

"I believe you're finally catching on. Look, you want some advice? Don't take things so seriously. Sure we got problems, but who doesn't? Forget all that, and just concentrate on what's really important in life."

"Like what? Paris Hilton?"

"Yeah, like Paris Hilton. Like Lindsay Lohan. Like Brittany Spears. That's what people care about. They don't sit around and think about all the problems in the world. What for? As long as Paris Hilton is in jail and they're not, then how bad can things be."

"It's not always going to be like that. One day the people are going to wake up and see how people like you are getting fat and rich while they're just getting by, and they're gonna go to the polls and vote. And then where will you be, Senator?"

"I'll be right here in my office, and if they come looking for me, tell 'em to bring cash."

Whatever Happened to Bobby Sherman?

The latest craze seems to be these eating contests. Do you have those in your area? They get a bunch of contestants together to see who can eat the most hot dogs or buffalo wings or whatever in the least amount of time. I don't know why, but for some reason news directors all seem to think that these eating contests make good TV. Personally, I think they're some of the grossest things I've ever seen. I sure hope this fad runs its course.

And the quicker, the better.

But on a evening like this, who cares about greasy slobs pigging out on TV. It's pretty redundant at this point to say that we've been having some weird weather, but, you know, the weather's been really weird this year. Here we are in the middle of June (almost), a season when we'd normally expect hot days and warm summer evenings, and yet the weather couldn't be milder or nicer. Right now I'm sitting out on my patio and the sun is just starting to set and there's a cool breeze blowing down through the pine trees and...man, this is about as good as it gets. In fact, if I had to describe it I couldn't, except to play you this old song that keeps bouncing around my head. For some reason an evening like this makes me think of this song.

So, I'll probably go to jail for posting this, but go ahead and download this. It's an old Afro-Cuban lullaby played on the guitar by Christopher Parkening. As it's playing close your eyes and imagine yourself sitting with me under the trees and staring at the stars. Just the two of us. Ooh, it's a little chilly - would you like to borrow my coat? There, that's better. Oh yeah, this is nice, isn't it?

(Ahem. Sorry about that. I was just having one of my little fantasies again)

So what's new. Well, let's see. I finally got my cable installed. I know, I don't watch much TV but Comcast has a pretty good deal going. It's $29.95/mo for digital cable with HBO and DVR. Not bad. That's about half of what I used to pay for DirecTV without HBO. Anyways, I've got this Comcast DVR thing setup and it's not too bad either. I'd heard horror stories about it, but I haven't had any problems with it at all. The UI isn't as good as my old TIVO, but it's not that hard to figure out.

The best thing is that Comcast gives you dual tuners and you don't have to pay for an extra line. That means is that you can watch one channel while you're recording another, or just record two shows at once. Pretty convenient, but overkill for me. I'm lucky if I can find even one thing on TV that's worth watching, let alone two things at once.

Which leads me to whole Letterman vs. Leno thing. Now that I've got my new DVR I can finally watch both shows, and, more importantly for me, I can see the bands they each have at the end of their shows. I don't know why they always put the bands on last, but that's what they do. Whatever the reason, I think it's clear that in terms of musical quality there's just no comparison between the two shows. Frankly,

Where does the Tonight Show find those godawful bands?

Not that all the bands on Letterman are picked from the top of the talent tree, mind you, but they do have some pretty good bands on that show. I don't remember their names, but I like most of 'em. The Tonight Show, on the other hand, has some of the worst bands I've ever seen in my entire life, and what really bothers me is that most of them can't play. It drives me crazy. Especially the guitarists. They line up there on stage with all these fancy axes and effect pedals - thousands of dollars worth of equipment, just so they can play a couple of chords and make it sound really cool. It drives me nuts. Why don't they learn to play first, and then move on to all the fancy doodads? Too old school, I guess.

The way it works, I think, is that someone from the Tonight Show staff goes down to the local modeling agency and finds a bunch of twenty-somethings with the right "look". When they find them they take them back to the studio, give them an instrument, teach them each a couple of notes, find some insipid little teen pop ballad for them to play, and then put them on in the last 3 minutes of the show when they think no one is watching. I'm watching, though, and let me tell you it's painful.

What I don't get, though, is that both shows have pretty good house bands but they never let them play on TV. All you get is a little snippet here and there, but never the full song. I remember Johnny Carson used to let the band play every now and then, but I guess those days are gone. Audiences are too fickle these days, and if you start indulging the band and let actual musical talent go out over the airwaves, then people are going to start reaching for those remotes. Ah well, there's no business like show business.

One last thing before I go. It's pretty obvious I don't have anything to talk about tonight, but I thought as long as we're talking about guitars I might as well mention this. Sid McGinnis is one of the guitarists on Letterman and he plays a Strat. At least I think so. Either it's a Strat or some kind of clone. Sounds like a Strat though. Felicia Collins is the other guitarist on the Letterman and she plays all different kinds of guitars. Mostly Gibsons, though, as far as I can tell. I've seen her play a Les Paul and a SG, and sometimes she's got a Strat and who knows what else. Might even have an Ibanez around somewhere when she's ready to do some heavy shredding. Kevin Eubanks is the guitarist for the Tonight Show and he plays a custom guitar. Looks like a hollowbody or a semi, I can't tell. It's got a big, fat sound though. Eubanks also has a doctorate in music. Go figure, huh? Makes you wonder why they can't get decent bands for that show.









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The Poor is Hated Even of his Own Neighbor

The thing about moving is that it really disrupts your routine. First there's the hassle of loading all of your stuff and shipping it off to a new location, then there's the hassle of unloading it and trying to fit it all into your new surroundings, and finally there's the hassle of readjusting your life to fit in with all the changes. Fact is, for the first few weeks after a move it always feels like I'm staying at a hotel or something - like I'm just here temporarily until I can get back to my real home.

Anyways, the move is done so I figure it's time for me to start blogging again. I don't know why, but that's what I figure. Let's see, what can I talk about.

Well, of course the new immigration bill is all over the news these days. Personally, I want to congratulate the Congress for finally taking on this enormous problem and trying to find some kind of reasonable path to citizenship for all those Phd's and software engineers standing out in front of our local Home Depots. Now America can rest a little easier knowing that our immigrants have the proper job and educational skills they'll need when mowing our lawns or picking our strawberries.

Is it a good bill? Before I go any further let me just relate this little anecdote. Back when I was in the first grade we had a kid in our class who came from Mexico and didn't speak English too well. The only things I remember about him were that he used to wear the same clothes to school every day, and he wasn't in our class anymore when we started the second grade. But even back then, though I was only six years old, I knew what Congress is only now realizing. I knew that he, this skinny little kid with the simple clothes and the heavy accent, yes he was the great problem confronting our country. Who knows how rich and powerful I could have been if it hadn't been for the burden that kid imposed on me. Yes, even at that tender young age I realized that the great obstacle before me in my great struggle was...

Those People.

Let us give thanks that Congress has finally seen the light. Let's face it, all these illegals do is come here and sponge off of hard-working taxpayers like you and me. Right? Take, take, take, that's all they do and give back nothing in return. Right?

It's too bad that Latinos don't participate more in the elections. I mean, they're numbers are going up, but as they approach 25% of the population they still only account for around 8% of the voter turnout (please don't check my facts - they're mostly accurate, I think. Hey, I'm a blogger not the U.S. Census). Whatever the numbers are, it seems that if the Latino participation in the elections were commensurate with their participation in the overall economy, then these balding white guys from Georgia and Oklahoma wouldn't be so quick to insult them. I mean, they talk about 'em like they're some kind of criminal class or something.

As you know I'm a native Californian so this whole immigration debate seems a little pointless to me. The whole cross-border thing has been a part of California for my entire life, and I honestly have to say I've never felt threatened by it. Let's just say I'm kind of multicultural that way, and if anyone in Washington DC thinks that some convoluted point system is going to change the dynamics of what's happening down at the Home Depot, then they're sadly mistaken. People will do what they have to do to survive, and the best this Congress can hope to achieve is to drive immigrant workers further underground.

My suggestion to Congress - I mean if they really want to deal with what's wrong with America, would be to take a good, hard look in the mirror. Now, there's an idea. Maybe instead of walling off the border, Congress should build a gigantic fence around Washington instead. Yeah, give the people some relief from these money-grubbing politicians, and then maybe we can get on with solving real problems.

And you know what, if someone wants to come up here to pick strawberries, then why don't we just figure out a legal way for them to do it.

There, how was that for a blog post. I'm a little rusty, but, yeah...I'm feelin' it.

Dubya's Last Stand

"Hi George. Damn, you look awful."

"I've gotta go to Germany. They all hate me you know."

"Who does?"

"All them Europeans. They all think I'm some kind of Yahoo or cowboy or something."

"It's the war, George. I told you that was gonna be trouble."

"You did?"

"Yeah, don't you remember. I told you it was going to be our Northern Ireland, only, it turns, I was being way too optimistic."

"Now the country wants to bail out on me. Instead of sticking it out, they want to turn tail and run. Thank God you're still on my side. At least you don't think we should surrender to these sons of ..."

"Well, actually..."

"Actually? What do you mean? Don't tell me..."

"Look, George. There are some really savage, murderous, people in the world. People who don't think twice about strapping a bomb on someone, yelling 'God is great', and sending them into a crowded market to kill helpless men, women and children. People who would cut your throat just for the thrill of it and the chance to be on national tv. People who rule by terrorizing the innocent. I hate to see the U.S. back down from people like that and let brutality win the day. But facts are facts - we're not making any progress. The enemy seems to grow stronger while we seem to bleed a little more each day. All I'm saying is maybe it's time to rethink our strategy."

"No. We can't surrender. We can't let the world think the U.S. is nothing more than a paper tiger. If we do, we just invite more attacks and more terror. We have to stick it out."

"I didn't say surrender, George. Sticking it out is one thing, but we're not getting anywhere. You know I'm all for making a stand and not yielding to ruthlessness and cruelty, but this war of ours is starting to look less like a brave stand and more like Pickett's charge. At some point we've got to regroup and rethink our options. Instead of calling it surrender, maybe you should think about whether or not Iraq is the right place to fight these guys in the first place."

"If we leave Iraq, then that's it. The democrats will never authorize another deployment. We'll have been defeated, and all those soldiers will have died in vain."

"How do you know? Losing the battle doesn't mean the war is lost. C'mon George, let's be realistic. Iraq is like a dream come true for these terrorists. They have cover, freedom of movement and a seemingly inexhaustible supply of arms and equipment. Meanwhile, we're the the big, foreign superpower, and, for crying out loud, we can't even keep the lights on and the water running. That's not the way to fight these guys, George. Face it, a big show of force is just a bigger target to attack, and the terrorists have all the time in the world to hit us and then disappear into the desert. It's futile."

"But we're there and we can't just walk away. Not without finishing the job."

"Yeah, we've go to finish the job, but not there. Not when all we're doing is squandering ourselves. Maybe it's time to find a new strategy, only this time we take what we've learned and get smart about it. You know, as this radical Islamist movement gets stronger and we continue to beat our heads against the wall, there is a possibility that we could lose this fight. We seem to be taking it for granted that we could swat Al-Qaeda like a fly if we so choose, and yet what kind of victories have we won? Where's our track record? For all the heated rhetoric after 9/11, what lessons have we taught them about invading our country and attacking our citizens? Yeah, I know that the democrats think that if we just ignore the problem it will go away, but we've got to be more responsible than that. We've got to figure out a winning strategy and put the terrorists on the defensive, and we're not going to do that by spilling our blood all over the Iraqi desert."

"It's too late for that now. If we don't beat them in Iraq then it's over. We've got to stay the course. We've got to beat them there. Whatever it takes."

"But General Lee, I have no division. "