Where Does It Hurt?

"Back from death's door, tonight's guest has been gracious enough to take time from his busy schedule and spend a few moments with us. Won't you please help me welcome the author himself, Mr. Dead Cat. DC, nice of you drop by."

"Well this is my blog."

"Yes. Before we get started let's talk about you for a second. We've all been following the news of your recent hospitalization. The equanimity and courage you've shown during what must have been a painful and frightening ordeal has been an inspiration to us all."

"I just did what anyone would have done. After all, what is it to be alive but to suffer, and struggle, and overcome. Yes, I have looked into the jaws of death and felt the cold, black chasm of eternity, and though I stood upon the very precipice of hell, the ordeal has only made me stronger. No matter the cost, my mind is sound and my resolve is strong."

"The reports have been vague as to exactly what it was that brought you so close to your death."

"At first they thought it was my heart, but all the tests have come back negative. Looks like it may have been a bad case of gas."

"Nevertheless, your story has reminded many people how precious and fragile a thing life is. You know, with the economy being the way it is, people are worried about what will happen to them if they should lose a job and find themselves having to go to the hospital without the benefit of health insurance. Are there any words of advice you can give them?"

"$5,184.00 a night."

"$5,184.00 a night? Is that what hospitalization costs these days?"

"No, that's just what the bed costs. Everything else like care, feeding and medicine is extra."

"And how much does all that come to?"

"I couldn't tell you. You see, that's the funny thing about hospitals. You don't get just one bill like you do at a hotel or something like that. You get a whole series of bills. You get bills from doctors and technicians and radiologists and all kinds of people you never heard of. It's like you're in there thinking you're going to die and all these people are telling you that you need this done and that done, and not a one of them is quoting you a price. Then when it's all over, they just keep sending you these bills. It's like every day I open the mail and it turns out I owe someone else money. I think I've paid the last of them, but who knows what will come tomorrow."

"How much have you paid so far."

"I was in the hospital for a little over 20 hours, and so far the bill is up around $26,000. However, that does include a breakfast, lunch and dinner."

"What if you can't pay it?"

"The bottom line is that if you don't have health insurance, get it. Even if you can't afford it, you still need to get it. On the other hand, if you do have health insurance then be glad, because you have no idea how expensive this stuff is."

"And if you can't pay it?"

"My advice for those who absolutely can't afford or get health insurance is to hire yourself a crooked lawyer and see if he can move your assets someplace offshore and off the books. That way you can at least plead poverty when the bills start rolling in. Otherwise, there's always bankruptcy."

"Good advice. Anything else you'd like to add?"

"Yeah. If you're uninsured and you find yourself having a heart attack or stroke or whatever, you might want to consider your situation before you call the ambulance or make that trip to the hospital. Ask yourself, "would I be better off dead, or would I be better off financially ruined", and then consider the consquences of each. You know, $5,184.00 a night will get you a nice hotel room most places, and it might be better to die comfortably in some tropical paradise than to spend the rest of your life sleeping in doorways and eating out garbage cans. Also, let me add one more thing. Don't forget that medical care is much cheaper overseas than it is here and medical tourism is a popular option. If you're planning to have a heart attack or seizure, you might want to put it off for a while and explore Bangkok or Acapulco. Even after adding in the cost of travel, they may be a more affordable option."

"That's certainly food for thought and something we all should keep in mind. But let's move onto some other topics, shall we? Everyone's concerned about the economy these days, so what do you think of this whole idea of bailing out the Big 3 auto companies. Good idea?"

"Funny you should ask that because, as you know, I know absolutely nothing about cars. But I did attend the SF Auto Show recently and came away with a few impressions."

"Such as?"

"It's not just GM, Ford and Chrysler that are pushing the trucks and SUV's. Just about every auto company out there had plenty of big iron to peddle, and I'd say about at least 3/4 of the show space was dedicated to "non-green" technologies. In fact, despite all this talk we've been hearing about "the cars of the future", I bet you could have taken all the high mileage, low emission vehicles at the show fit them in a room no bigger than the little cafeteria they had set up next to the escalators (where you can buy a week old $9.00 tuna sandwich and a $5.00 watered down soda, and still get change back from your twenty). Seems to me, if you're an auto executive sitting in front of a bunch of Congressman you'll gladly talk about "green", but when you get to the sales floor you still give the American public what they want, and that's big ol' engines and two tons of steel."

"Didn't you see anything you liked?"

"Yeah, I thought the Ford Fusion Hybrid made a nice showing, Better looking than the Camry and better mileage too. Of course, first impressions can be deceiving. I don't know how it'll do over the long haul, but I was a little surprised how nice it was."

"So you'd buy the Fusion Hybrid?"

"No, I didn't say that. I think I'd rather have one of those Ducati Desmosedici's like Jay Leno has. You know, a red one that'll do a 150 mph just pulling out the parking lot. Besides, I've owned a couple of Fords and I'm not sure I'm ready to own another one. "

"How come?"

"Well, my first Ford was an Escort, so what can I say. It was all I could afford at the time. My second Ford was an 85 Mustang. Not the GT, but an LX with a five speed and the 5.0 engine. Man, that was a beautiful car. In fact, every month when I'd go down to the shop to pick it up, I'd see it up there on the lift and say "Man, that's a beautiful car". Then I'd pay the repair bill and drive it for a month until the next thing broke."

"Not too reliable, huh?"

"If you like to turn wrenches and scrape your knuckles, then Ford's are great. Otherwise, ... Anyway, as for this whole bailout thing, has anyone stopped to ask the taxpayers if they really want to invest in an auto company? And if they do, do they really want to invest in GM or Chrysler? I mean, if you're going to be putting 40 or 50 billion into an auto company, wouldn't you rather invest in Toyota or Honda or BMW or someone like that? I went by the GM display at the show and was not impressed at all. They had one actual working Hybrid, and it only got 2 mpg better than their regular car. I think it was a Chevy Malibu or something like that. Either way, if GM wants to sell Cadillac Escalades then more power to them, and if they turn a profit then that's even better, but why in the world should the taxpayers subsidize them. That's what I don't get. If it helps the country use less gas and keeps the air clean then invest a few billion, but we don't need spend billions of dollars just so they can put more tanks on the highways. That's my personal opinion, of course."

"But what about the auto workers? We could lose millions of jobs."

"Yeah, you know it was really touching to see the auto workers come out in support of all those people in the service sector who lost their jobs this year. It really warmed my heart to see their outpouring of sympathy for the hundreds and hundreds of thousands who've hit the unemployment lines with no health care or pensions or job banks to fall back on. I guess if it's service jobs that are lost then that's just tough luck, but if it's auto worker jobs that are going then it's time for everyone else to bail them out because, lord knows, auto workers are special."

"You sound awfully bitter."

"Really? I thought I was being nice. You should hear what I'm really thinking. Anyway, the auto workers have a union and the union has lobbyists and that's the way the world works. I'm sure they'll get the money, and the lobbyists will get their bonuses, and the Congresspeople will get their important Midwestern swing state votes, and sooner or later the rest of us will get stuck with the bill."

"You are bitter."

"It's been a rough year."

"Any last thoughts?"

"Yeah. When I think about all those health insurance premiums I paid over the years and never got to use because I never needed to, and now that I find myself needing the insurance, the insurance is gone and all money they took out of my paychecks is down the drain, well... If I ever hear another Congressperson or Senator telling me what a wonderful health care system we have in this country, I swear I am personally going to fly to Washington and start throwing shoes. That's all."

"Thanks DC, and have a happy holiday."

"You too."