The Dogs Have Their Day

As far as numbers go it's not a very interesting one. It's not the square of anything, or the cube either for that matter. It's not some kind of mystical ratio, or fibonaccian in any way. It's just one of those nice, round numbers that come up every now and then and just seem to tickle the senses and delight the mind. All you have to do is look at it, and think about it, and let it rattle around your brain for a while.

DOW 13,000.

Ahhhh, that's a nice number, and it's a nice, solid 13,000 too. Not some kind of 13,000 bubble, but a 13,000 with some real reasons behind it. The economy is growing, companies are earning money, and the DJIA is going higher. How's that for in-depth analysis.

Let me say this, though. Isn't it nice, every now and then, to be proved right. I'm talking now to all of you foolish investors out there who've suffered through the great collapses of the past and have had to endure the doubts of the more cautious souls around you. Today is your day, and I think it's important when a milestone like this is achieved to surf over to your online brokerage website, get your account summary on the screen, sit back, relax, and then let out a nice big grin of satisfaction. Why not, you earned it. Scan those big black numbers (at least I hope yours are black) and take some time to enjoy the moment.

Are you enjoying it? Good, and don't worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, or what you should do, or what you could have done better. Just forget all that, and give yourself a nice pat on the back because you did it. You decided to take some of your hard-earned money and invest at least a portion of it in the American economy, and, like it has so many times in the past, the great American economic engine has came through again, proving that this economy which is the envy of the entire world, just might have a future after all. So savor the good times, dear investor, at least for now.

Sure, there will be some profit-taking down the road, and we'll have the usual ups and downs, but if you're an investor and can't take delight in a day like today, then I don't know what to say. Why are you even in the market if you can't kick up your heels every now and then and shout out a little whoopee!

Oh well, enough of that. Just remember that there are people out there who hate people like you. Congressmen and Senators who find the very idea of investing in America's future to be odious and selfish, and when they see your risk-taking rewarded they gnash their teeth and strain at their leashes for a chance to tax some of your ill-gotten gains. Save? Invest? Why, that's the most unamerican thing they've ever heard of.

So just keep that in mind when the next election comes around. There'll be plenty of folks wanting to repeal the dividend and capital gains tax cuts, and they're gonna be asking for your vote. You done good today, but you best steer clear of them kind of folks. You tell 'em no thanks, you hear. You tell 'em that investing in America's future don't make us the enemy, and you tell 'em if instead of fattening their own wallets they was to invest a little more themselves, then maybe they'd understand that it weren't nothing to be ashamed of.

In Cupertino, Under the Apple Tree

What got Bernie Ebbers and Ken Lay into so much trouble wasn't that they cooked the books, but rather that they let the stock price go down. At least that's the way it looks from Silicon Valley where the big news is the statement by ex-Apple CFO Fred Anderson that Steve Jobs approved the backdating of stock options at the company. So what does this mean?

Apparently nothing, because as every Apple shareholder knows, if Steve Jobs falls, Apple falls, and what's a little shareholder fraud compared to a PE over 38? So what if Jobs skimmed a little shareholder equity to pass out to his buddies in the executive suite, just look at how the company's doing. The executives won and the shareholders won, and as long as nobody got hurt then who cares.

We call this sort of rationalization "moral relativism". As opposed to "moral absolutism" that holds that good is good and evil is evil, the relativist asks how does this transgression rate against other more heinous sins, and the answer, of course, is that as long as everyone's making money then it's a pretty minor offense. If the stock were plunging then things would be different. In that case the shareholder's wouldn't be satisfied until they saw Jobs tarred and feathered and led off to jail in handcuffs.

But Apple is doing just fine, and as it stands now the odds are pretty slim that any further action will be taken against either Jobs or the company. I'm not a shareholder myself, so I don't have much of a position one way or the other, except that I think it just goes to show one thing: When a poor person steals it's called crime, and when a rich person steals it's called cunning. I'm not sure whether that makes me a moral absolutist or not, or just another jaded, disillusioned, 21st century cynic.

Where the apple reddens, never pry - lest we lose our Edens, Eve and I.

Song of Myself

Like I was saying, I've been playing around with this demo of a program called "Band-in-a-Box". It's not a new program - in fact, the interface looks like it's circa DOS 3.3, but it's not about the graphics. What BiaB does is play accompaniments on your computer. You input the chords you want it to play, and it plays them back for you. You can also add melodies (more on that later) and change styles, etc... You can either play your BiaB songs through the computer speakers, or better yet, pipe them into the line-in jack on your instrument amplifier and start jamming away. Pretty cool.

(Oooh, wait. I've got the news on right now and there's a psychologist talking about the events of this past week. I want to hear this. Be back in a minute.)

"Based on your experience, what can cause a person to commit these violent acts, Dr. Greene.?"

"Well, often these problems go back to a person's childhood. Many such violent acts are a result of abuse suffered as a child, perhaps by a parent or relative or priest, for example. The person can feel victimized and powerless and look for some means of striking back."

"Do you think this student was abused as a child."

"Well, it's a strong possibility. My concern is what was the parent's role in all this. We often find serious problems arising from neglectful and abusive parents. If that's the case, then this young man would have been like a bomb just waiting to explode."

"I see, and what sort of warning signs should we look for if we suspect a child may have been abused as a child."

"Well, often times such children become rebellious and withdrawn."

"Is that what your examination showed?"

"No, I never actually examined the young man. I'm just offering an opinion."

"Oh, then what is your opinion based upon?"

"Well, you see I'm a media psychologist. You know, a TV psychologist. When these tragedies occur people like you call me up and I appear on their shows to offer my expertlike opinion."

"So you've never actually talked to any of the people involved in this tragedy?"

"No, not actually, but I read about it in USA Today."

"I see. What should we as parents and teachers do in response to what has taken place?"

"Well if you see a young person moping around or talking back to an authority figure, then you should see that as a danger signal. I'd suggest talking to the individual or taking him or her to a health professional to be evaluated and medicated."

"Good, practical advise, but as I understand it, this guy wasn't just moping around. He was stalking young women and was obsessed with violence and killing."

"Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Well I'd definitely consider that a further warning sign."

"Thank you for talking with us."

"My pleasure."

(Sheesh. Sometimes those TV psychologists scare me)

Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, "Band-in-a-Box". One of the strangest features of the program is that you can type in a chord progression and then tell BiaB to generate a melody for it. Just like that! You can't do it with the demo, but I was watching a little tutorial video they have and it works. You give it some chords, and it comes up with a unique melody for it, which can only lead me to one conclusion:

We're all doomed.

Think about it. Music has become so mechanized and pre-programmed, that it's now possible for a machine to apply a little logic and come up with a pop tune or a country tune or even a jazz tune without any need for human intervention. Man, that's depressing, and maybe that's one of the reasons that I'm so drawn to classical music and opera. I mean, you can give BiaB some chords and have it come up with a hillbilly tune, but you can't just give it a bunch of chords and have it come up with Beethoven's 9th.

Not yet anyways.

(Oooh wait. Now they've got a security expert on. I want to hear what he has to say).

"What can we do to keep our schools safe?"

"Well, of course no environment can ever be 100% safe. However there are some steps that can be taken to minimize the risk that someone can penetrate a secure area and commit acts such as we've seen in Virginia."

"What would those steps be?"

"Well, I've been looking at a map of the campus and what I'd recommend are machine gun emplacements here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. These would create a kill zone that could cover all the major entrances to the main campus area. Of course perimeter fencing would need to be erected to restrict movement to these pressure points. No more than a dozen K-9 units would be needed to effectively patrol the perimeter area, and metal detectors and bomb sniffing dogs would be used to inspect everyone entering the secure area. Mines could be placed around the outside of the perimeter fencing to keep anyone from straying to close. I would also recommend snipers placed here, here, here and here for early detection of any possible threats."

"Machine gun emplacements? Is that what our society has come to? Do we now need armed troops to keep our schools safe?"

"It's a balancing act. Some people may see .50 caliber machine guns as a menacing presence on their campuses, but if we're serious about safety then we have to take appropriate measures."

"And if people don't want their schools turned into armed camps?"

"You've seen the pictures on TV. The world's a dangerous place."

"Thank you for talking with us."

(Sheesh. Sometimes those security experts scare me).

So like I said, classical music may be the last bastion of humanity left in the humanities. Computer generated this and computer generated that, but you can't computer generate a Wagner or a Shostakovich. Band-in-a-Box is a handy little tool, but it can't replace the complexity and beauty of the human soul. Call me elitist, but I like complexity, especially in the arts. All this push button simplicity and ease of use is boring and a little alienating at times. Where's the humanity?

(Oooh wait, now they've got a media critic on the news. I want to hear this).

"Does the media have a role to play in these tragic events?"

"No, not really. They've got a script, but not a role."

"I don't follow."

"First they bring you the newsflash, then they show you the pictures, then they start filling in the story, then they confirm the numbers, then they bring on the analysts and experts. It's not a role - just a process, like getting a haircut or washing your car."

"But by making celebrities out of disturbed and violently anti-social individuals, doesn't the media contribute to the problem?"

"No. Look, most of us are thousands of miles away and don't know the people involved, but we want to feel involved. That's what the media provides. By doing things the way they do and by having these discussions on our TV screens, they make us feel personally connected to these tragic events. We want that. It's a basic human need, sort of like sitting around the table and talking about Aunt Clara's hip operation. Even if we aren't that close to Aunt Clara, she's family, and because of the media these people on TV are family. That couldn't happen without the media process."

"Even though the event itself is truly horrible."

"Especially if it's horrible. Trouble always brings the family closer together."

"How about bloggers. Is it in bad taste for a blogger to talk about an event such as this so soon after it's happened. Are people right to feel offended to see such a thing discussed in a blog?"

"Perhaps, but not if the blogger is being honest about his reaction."

"Well, my reaction was more of shock than surprise, to tell you the truth. I mean, I'm shocked at what happened, but not really surprised."

"That's a horrible thing to say. Would you say that about Aunt Clara?"

"No, I guess not."

"Okay, then."

(Sheesh. This blog scares me sometimes).

Now Everything Is Easy 'Cause of You

You know I can be broken down by the side of the road, with my hood raised and my flashers blinking, being held at gunpoint by two armed gunmen, in broad daylight, and do you think a CHP officer would ever pull over to see if I needed any help? Hell no. They just drive on by. So why is it that today I'm driving down the freeway and this cute little blond in a rather shapely pair of blue jeans is broken down by the side of the road, and not one, but two CHP cars pull over to the side of the road to give her a hand. Explain that.

You don't believe me? It's true. I saw it happen. These two patrol cars were riding along in the fast lane, one behind the other, when they saw this young woman broken down on the right shoulder and immediately hit their brakes and crossed four lanes of traffic just to render her some assistance. Hey, you know, I pay taxes too. Would they have stopped for me?

Yeah right.

Today's news item comes courtesy of the San Jose Mercury News. If you've been reading this blog for a while (and don't lie because I know you haven't), then you'll remember that on more than one occasion I've predicted that all the creative financing people were using to buy and refinance their homes was going to come back to bite them someday. This was back before "subprime" was in the news, and I also predicted that when these loans started to go bad it was going to be up to the taxpayers to bail these homeowners out.

Well, guess what. Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY), a walking, living, and breathing cliché of a political opportunist if I ever saw one, is proposing a federal bailout of hundreds of millions of dollars for these distressed homeowners. Well, if you've been reading this blog then it's no surprise to you, and my next prediction is that this thing is going to sail on through without even a second thought.

But why?

It's because the picture we're going to see on TV is going to be an elderly retiree lady about to lose her home after some fast-talking loan broker talked her into a mortgage he knew she couldn't afford. Fine. I agree, something ought to be done to help her out, and I also think the loan broker involved should be prosecuted for elder abuse. Anyone who would sell an adjustable rate loan to a retiree on a fixed income is a snake in my book. But let me ask you, is this the typical case?

It may well be. I don't know myself, but the typical case might also be the real estate speculator looking to flip properties, who didn't much care what type of mortgage he got since he was just going to turn around and sell the house six months later for an obscene profit. Should we be bailing that guy out? No way dude. You roll the dice and you take your chances - that's the way I look at it.

Of course there are probably a lot of naive first time hombuyers getting into trouble too, and I'm sure they could use some help. However, as cold as it may sound, I'm not so sure we should be bailing them out either. You know there just may be a valuable lesson in all this. Namely, when you're negotiating for a house or a car or anything else for that matter, the person sitting on the other side of the desk may not necessarily have your best interests in mind. Just because someone qualifies you for a loan, that doesn't mean you can afford it. Hell, I must get six or seven credit card offers in the mail each week, but that doesn't mean I can afford to go around with thousands of credit cards in my wallet. There's something to be said for being careful with your money, and as these first-time buyers go back and sample the rental market they may just want to keep that in mind.

As for the homeowners who got sucked into these loans when they went looking to trade up to a bigger box, well, sorry, but you can't tell me you didn't know the risk. C'mon, you've had to make a house payment before, and you had to know that one day you'd have to come up with the additional cash when these things adjusted. So why should we bail you out? Honestly, what did you expect?

So there you go. Without a doubt there's going to be some kind of massive federal program coming down the pike, but I wonder if all of you homeowners are going to be any wiser when the next mania comes along? I didn't think so. Not as long as someone else is there to pick up the bill.

And other than that all I can say is I could be sitting by the side of the road and my car could be on fire, with thick, black smoke drifting across the lanes, backing up traffic for miles and miles, and would a CHP officer come to help me out? Not unless I put on a wig and gave 'em a little wiggle.

I Love You California

Greetings from California, where the latest news is that we Californians are once again out of step with the rest of the nation. This time the issue is Immigration Reform, and wouldn't you know it, a recent Field Poll found that around 83% of Californians favor some kind of comprehensive immigration reform. That means a tighter border combined with some kind of guest worker program that will allow people from south of the border to come up here legally to work and pay taxes.

So while the rest of the country is trying to build walls and spread fear about the brown invasion coming up from the south, Californian's are having none of it, and are still willing to open their doors and welcome those who come to work and earn a living. The majority who feel this way is not small, either; it's over four to one. Kind of makes me proud to be a Californian and live in the middle of this multicultural mess.

Unfortunately, from what I hear the Guest Worker legislation doesn't have stand much of a chance of becoming law, so it's all moot. Once again California is way ahead of the curve. Other states may call themselves progressive, but we've been progressive even when progressive isn't cool.

There's another interesting little movement going on out here you might not have heard about. Seems local Assemblyman Ira Ruskin created quite a stir with a proposal to impose a penalty on the purchase of gas guzzling vehicles. The way it would work is that gas guzzlers would pay a penalty of up to $2,500, and that penalty would then be rebated right back to purchasers of fuel efficient vehicles.

Of course the auto dealerships are screaming bloody murder. They're calling it a new tax, but everyone knows that they're just worried about hurting sales of their SUV's and other luxury gas guzzlers, which coincidentally just happen to be the vehicles with the highest profit margins for the dealers.

Being the owner of a fuel efficient vehicle myself, I think it's a great idea, and if I were the auto dealers I wouldn't be too worried. With gas at well over $3.00 per gallon out here, anyone who has the financial wherewithal to buy a SUV isn't going to think twice about paying an extra $2,500 penalty. If you've got that kind of dough then $2,500 will be a drop in the bucket. On the other hand, a $2,500 rebate might make a big difference to a college student or young family, and might get them into the dealership to buy something new. Who knows, it could work both ways.

So there you have it. Sounds like a great idea to me. If mom is going to insist on using a monster truck to get her back and forth from the grocery store, then I say she ought to pay the rest of us for the inconvenience of having to maneuver around her. Don't you think that's fair?

Well, that's all I have time for tonight. It's time for me to practice, practice, practice. Actually, my right hand finally healed so I'm back to my piano lessons again. For a while there I thought I had some kind of RSI because my right hand was really giving me a lot of trouble, but 3 weeks off seems to have healed things.

You know what I like about the piano as opposed to the guitar? The piano is so easy. On a guitar you have to find a fret and press down on a string with one hand and then pluck it with other, and that's a lot of work. On a piano all you have to do is touch a key and out comes this beautiful sound. Compared to a guitar, it's almost effortless.

That's why pianists always looks so relaxed when they play. You ever notice that? They just sit there with their eyes closed and their heads swaying to the music as their fingers delicately dance over the keys. Guitarists, on the other hand, always look like their struggling. They're gritting their teeth and sweat is running down their foreheads and they've got these sort of constipated looks on their faces, and you can just tell that it takes a lot of work to get a good sound from a guitar. Pianists just let their finger fall on a key and they're done.

Come to think of it, pianists are really kind of overrated, aren't they.

No Time Left For You

I remember when I used to have time for blogging. When was that? It doesn't seem that long ago, but it must have been, because I don't have that kind of time anymore. Instead I seem to have that common disease of the internet age - so many things I'd like to do online and so little time to do them, with the dream of leaving the daily grind behind and just doing the things I'd really like to do.

Oh well, not in this lifetime.

I wish I knew how that Father Roderick guy does it. I don't know if you've ever listened to his podcasts, but the guy is unbelievable. His main podcast is called "The Daily Breakfast", but lately it's been more like "The Occasional Brunch" instead. It seems even Father Roderick is having trouble keeping up these days, which is no surprise because the guy is a priest with four parishes to run who also produces two or three podcasts, runs a podcasting network, plays videogames, and, judging from his podcast, still manages to watch about thirty hours of TV each day. It's amazing, and enough to make even the most jaded non-believer think that perhaps there's a divine force in the universe after all.

Anyways, I'm just a frail, mortal being, and it seems my life is getting away from me. Videogames? TV? Are you kidding? Where do people find the time to watch TV? I hear people talking about this or that show and I can't figure out how anybody can find a free moment to just sit in front of the tube. Father Roderick does, somehow, and what's funny is that I don't even know why I listen to his podcast. I mean I have nothing in common with the guy. He's catholic, watches TV all the time, and likes to get up bright and early on a cold morning to go for his daily jog. In comparison, I'm not catholic, rarely watch TV, and like to spend my cold mornings snoozing safe and warm beneath my blankets (thank you very much). I guess I listen because he's just so entertaining, regardless of what he's talking about.

But I didn't fire up my laptop just to talk about some podcast, so let's see what else is happening in the world. Actually, I've been spending a lot of time on my music so I'm a little behind the curve as far as current events go.

Let's see, oh yeah...Iran seized some British sailors, didn't they? Those Iranians, you gotta love 'em. Their solution is always to go out and take some hostages. Maybe I should try that. Tired of paying taxes? Go out and take some hostages. Sick of being stuck in traffic? Just take some hostages. Upset that Gina Glocksen got voted off of American Idol? Storm the studio and take some hostages. It's all so easy when you stop and think about it.

Anything else happening? Well, let's see. Over there in Washington it looks like Congress set a couple of deadlines for withdrawing the troops. Of course the Republicans are calling it a "quit" date, and the Democrats are bending over backwards and doing everything they can to avoid using the "Q" word. What are they calling it? Oh, that's right, they're calling it a "victory" for the American people. You see, it's not a defeat, it's a "victory", that's how we'll spin it. Either way I think most people are getting bored with this war and just want someone to change the channel.

Stay tuned folks.

Let's see, what else...I can't think of anything. Anyways, my 15 minutes of blogging time is all used up so I'll have to end this little post. Before I go, though, I should probably post some sexy pictures. No, not those kind of pictures (I'm getting too old for that stuff). I'm thinking more along the lines of rosewood and pearl. You see I've been looking at my old Takemine F260 and it's seeming pretty simple and unseasoned. What I need is something with a little more maturity and polish, you know. So what do you think? The Collings on the left, or the Martin on the right? The Collings would set me back about 4 grand, and the Martin about 7 grand.

Hmmm, come to think of it my Takemine is lookng better all the time.