The Audacity of Blog

Where else but on a blog could the average Joe sit down in front of a computer and singlehandedly solve all the world's problems? The power of this new technology is simply amazing. Global warming got you down? Just ask a blogger - he's got the answers. Want to know the best way to run your business? The blogger hasn't been born who doesn't know the best way for other people to conduct their affairs. No doubt about it. Blogging is the miracle of our times, and attributable, I suppose, only to the fact that there are millions of people scattered across the globe with nothing better to do.

I do a bit of blogging myself, and being the moody, ruminating sort I too have been known to volunteer opinions neither sought nor welcomed. It's a selfish sort of thing, of course, or rather a self-absorbed sort of thing, but having no other serious vices I suppose a blog or two offers little chance of being my ruination. With that in mind I thought I'd do my part and offer up some of my ideas for solving the world's problems.

The problem at the top of most people's list seems to be the price of gas, and wouldn't you know it, I just happen to have a solution. Actually it's quite a brilliant solution, and as we are in the middle of a presidential race I think it's a solution that would work equally well for the Democrats or Republicans. My solution, you see, is predicated on these two theses, namely 1) Sen. Phil Gramm was right and high gas prices are really just a figment of our imaginations and 2) Americans are terrible at math.

The solution, you see, is simple. All we have to do is what the rest of the world is already doing. Instead of selling gasoline by the gallon, we sell it by the liter. I did a rough calculation and gas selling for $4.50 a gallon would sell for only $1.20 per liter (Did I say gas? Sorry, I meant "petrol"). All the next president has to do is make the changeover and he can quite rightly proclaim that since taking office he has reduced the price of gas from $4.50 to $1.20, and before you can say "let me check those numbers" America will be right back at the dealership buying up those Lincoln Navigators and Chevy Tahoes. The voters are happy, the oil companies are happy, and Detroit is happy. I call that a win-win-win.

Okay, now that the energy crisis is solved let's move on to the next challenge. This is a big one. It's the housing crisis. I saw a guy on the news today who said that if his candidate is elected he'll push for new bankruptcy laws that will allow the bankruptcy courts to set aside mortgages. I'm trying to be non-judgemental and non-partisan here so I won't name the candidate (Obama), but that's a hell of an idea, and I'm more than a little disappointed that I didn't think of it myself. As I understand it, under this plan you go to the bank, they lend you a half-million dollars or so you can buy a house, you buy the house, you file for bankruptcy, the judge sets aside the mortgage, and then you get to keep the house without having to pay the money back. Now that's a great idea. It's no wonder that America loves this Obama guy.

Personally, I think the banks probably won't be making many loans under those circumstances, but I still like the thinking behind it. I might suggest a little improvement, however. Instead of forcing people to file for bankruptcy and ruining their credit records (would you take a free house if you knew it was going to ruin your credit record - me too), why not just cut out the middleman. I mean we've got all these empty houses just sitting around, so why not just have the government give them to people. It could be like the 21st century version of the Homestead Act. You go down to the county clerk's office and file your claim, and the house is yours. Home ownership is good for America, right? If we keep making people pay for their houses then some people are never going to be able to afford one.

Problem solved.

Let's see, what's next. How about the Health Care crisis? That's an easy one too. First we need some historical perspective though. You see, back in the old days we used to have this thing called "inflation" that was measured by an index called the CPI, or Consumer Price Index. The CPI had been around since around 1919 and was used to measure changes in the prices of things. That was fine until the 1970's when we had our first "oil crisis". A cartel of oil producing countries decided to cutback their oil shipments and the price of gas shot through the roof (does anyone remember gas lines and "odd and even" days?). Unfortunately, not only did the oil shortage inflict the Ford Pinto and the Chevy Vega on us, it also triggered a round of inflation that by the 1980's took the CPI to around 20%.

Well, that wouldn't do so somewhere it was decided that in order to get prices under control we needed to make some changes to the CPI. What happened next is something we now call the core inflation rate. The core inflation rate, we were told, was more accurate than the CPI because it didn't track prices that were deemed "volatile" like energy prices or food prices. The government liked the new core inflation rate best of all because it was substantially less than the CPI and significantly reduced the amounts it had to pay for entitlements programs that linked to the inflation rate.

So that's why nowadays when people are shopping at thrift stores and taking out payday loans at 400% interest just so they can put some gas in the tank and maybe buy a box of cereal, the government can happily report that prices are stable and inflation is a mere tenths of a percent. What's even better is that now our economists have come up with a newer way to measure to inflation that reduces the numbers even more the core inflation rate. It's called the PCE, and is based on the notion that when the price of something goes up, people will buy a cheaper alternative rather than pay the higher price. For example, when the price of, say, laundry detergent goes up, people tend not to buy laundry detergent anymore but will just go down to the river and use a rock instead. Therefore you can't say that the price of laundry detergent is inflationary because nobody is buying it. Pretty smart, huh?

The reason I'm mention all this is simply because I think we can use the same logic and apply it to the health care system. If people can't afford prescription drugs anymore because the cost is too high, then simply don't include it in health care costs. Likewise if people can't afford health insurance or hospitalization, cross 'em off the list. I think you'll find if you eliminate these and other volatile items from the health care equation, the cost of health care will be substantially reduced. With enough adjustment to the numbers, I think we can bring down health care costs to no more than the price of a Band-aid. Remembering once again America's poor math skills and I'd say the health care crisis would be solved.

I could go on but I think that's enough for today. Besides, solving the energy, housing and health care crises is more than enough for any blog.

The Ride So Far

It's been a year this week since I took my MSF Basic Riding Course and got my motorcycle license, so now you're probably wondering what kind of advice a noob like me can pass along to those other noobs still on the BRC waiting list. Well, since I'm still learning I don't know what advice I can give, but I'll do my best.

"Dear Noob,

With the price of gas being so high I was thinking about saving some money by two-wheeling it. What do you think? Do I really need to take the MSF course? Would a 900 - 1000 cc sportbike be a good bike for a beginner?

motogpwannabe
Decatur, IL"

Well wannabe, you're doing the right thing by asking a stranger on the internet for advice. To answer your question, no you don't need to take the MSF course to learn to ride. Why I remember in the old days all you did was ask an uncle or a friend to take you out to the local parking lot and give you the instruction you needed. Just remember to wear a helmet. As for your second question, I think a liter class sportbike would be an excellent bike to learn on. Just look at this video and see how easy it is.





"Dear Noob,

I saw that video you posted, but I don't want to go racing. I'm an older guy and I just want to get a nice looking bike so that I can cruise and feel virile again. I cashed out my stock options and was wondering - do I need the MSF course? I saw this really cool looking Harley the other day and I think it would make the perfect beginners bike. What do you think?

checkmeout
Covina, CA"

Well checkmeout, I wouldn't bother with the training if I were you. After all, riding a Harley is just like riding a bicycle, only it's 700 pounds heavier and has an extra 100 or so horsepower. If all you're going to do is cruise, then I say go for it. Just look at this guy - fully dressed and ready to go (the bike I mean, not the rider).




And finally this last letter:

"Dear Noob,

I've read that with the all the new riders on the streets today, the number of motorcycle accidents is rising fast. Is motorcycling safe? I'd like to start riding myself but I don't know where to start. Some people say that it's better to start riding on a smaller bike that will be easier to handle and will keep me out of trouble, but other people tell me to get a big bike that I won't grow out of once I learn to ride. What's your advice?

normalguy
Denver, CO"

I can't tell you what to buy, normalguy. I started out on a small bike, but there are plenty of people out there who learned on bigger bikes and never had a problem. It's true that a small bike with less weight and less power can keep you out of trouble in certain circumstances, but that doesn't necessarily make it a "safe" bike. I've only been riding a year so I can't really say what makes a bike "safe", but I think that for the the most part safety has more to do with the person sitting in the saddle than it does with the bike. Any bike can be ridden safely, and any bike can be ridden stupidly.

Whatever you're going to ride, my advice would be to get some professional instruction before you go out and start shopping. Not your uncle or your brother, but someone who's job it is to teach noobs like you and me how to safely ride a motorcycle. After you take the course you'll have a better idea of what sort of bike you can handle, or you may even decide not to ride a bike at all.

I'm going to post this last video just for you normalguy. The other two videos were on the humerous side, but this one is dead serious. Other than some scrapes and bruises and a broken leg, the guys on the first two videos ended up relatively okay. Unfortunately, one of the guys in this video ended up dead. (WARNING! This video is not for the squeamish - you've been warned).

The situation is so typical of a Sunday ride. Twisty two lane highway, heavy traffic, and lots of bikers out riding. The guy shooting the video has a camera mounted to his bike, and he's all set to record his nice little cruise up in the mountains on his fine machine. He's going along pretty uneventfully at a nice, easy pace until suddenly he's passed by another rider twisting and weaving through traffic on his hot little ride. Now it's no more Mr. Nice Guy for our camera biker. His racer blood is boiling, and the next thing you know he's into the throttle and hellbent to show the little twerp that he's got a pretty hot little ride himself.

Problem is, camera biker doesn't have the skills he thinks he does. It's pretty obvious just by watching the video that he's in deep doodoo and trying to ride way beyond his limits, but he's got a fast bike and he's not going to let anyone show him up. You can predict the outcome. When it was all over, our camera biker wound up in the hospital, and another guy wound up dead. So, was that the bike's fault?



Even though I have a year's worth of riding and about 7,000 miles under my belt now, I know I''m still a newbie. I just try to become a better rider every time I ride, and if I never remember anything else from the MSF course I'll always remember their two most important lessons:

One: Search, Evaluate, and Execute - always keep an eye out for trouble and have a plan for getting out of trouble if trouble comes. Assume your invisible and stay alert.

Two: Ride within your limits - if you watched the last video you'll understand why. That video says is all.

Get some instruction and remember those two rules, and you should be okay normalguy. And don't forget to enjoy yourself. No one would argue the point that cars are safer than bikes, but then again they aren't nearly as much fun. Just remember that safety starts with that gray stuff between your ears, and don't forget that for every idiot you come across there are perhaps a hundred or more sane folk who've been riding for years and loving every moment of it. Call it the the luck of the draw, but you know maybe sometimes we make our own luck. Either way, the BRC and some common sense has kept me safe so far (knock on wood).

Top 5 Things You Should Do In These Troubled Times

With food and energy prices soaring, we all need to do some belt-tightening these days. But what to do? To help you get through these troubling times, Dead Cat asked our consumer reporter (that would be me) to offer up his top 5 money saving ideas.


1. Steal Donuts from the break room:

Your boss is a nice guy, so every Friday he brings in a box of donuts for the staff to enjoy. Well here's an idea that can save you hundreds of dollars on your next grocery bill. When Friday comes around, get to the office a little early and wait in the parking lot for the boss to arrive. When you see him, say a friendly hello and offer to take the donuts up to the break room. He'll be glad for the help. When he hands you the box, tell him you forgot something in your car, and then after he leaves place the donuts in a paper bag and stash them in your trunk.

Be careful to leave one or two of the donuts in the box before taking it up to the break room. That way when he sees the almost empty box he won't think the donuts have been stolen, but just assume that the staff wolfed 'em all down and left none for anyone else except a couple of the crappy ones.

Although it may not seem like much, there are enough calories in the average box of donuts to feed a family of four for an entire summer.


2. Take the train instead:

It's no secret that the fuel prices are higher than they've ever been before. Most of us would like to cut back on our gasoline usage, but we've still got jobs we have to get to and places we have to go. Is there some other more fuel-efficient means to travel? Sure there is, and it can be found in every city and county of America.

It' called the freight train, and for well over a hundred years people like Woody Guthrie and Steam Train Maury have hitching rides back and forth all across this great nation of ours. Don't worry about the price or the mileage, just hop aboard. There's no waiting in line and no ticket to buy, and as energy experts will tell you, trains are still our most energy-efficient means of motorized transportation.

That's great you say, but how do I get started. First, check with your local rail yard and see if they have a list of freight trains that will be running through your area. Also find out if they have a map showing the rail lines that connect the areas that your interested in travelling to. Look for sharp bends and steep uphill climbs as these will be the easiest place for you to hop on board. Then, just bundle up some clothes and tie them up in a bandana, attach it to the end of a pole and you're ready to travel.

3. Save on cleaning supplies:

Along with everything else, the cost of cleaning supplies keeps rising. All those disinfectants, tile scrubbers, stain removers, countertop cleaners, air fresheners, etc... can really put a dent in the household budget. Well why not take a tip from that bachelor friend of yours. He's savings money because instead of wasting countless hours scrubbing and washing only to have to do the very same thing all over again next week, he just don't bother.

After all, as most undomesticated males can tell you, that black grime building up on your floors, sinks and countertops may look unsightly, but it probably won't kill you. Those bathtub stains may make your skin crawl, but they aren't fatal. That putrid stench rising up from the garbage piled up under the sink may be unpleasant at first, but only if you forget to hold your breath. By just letting nature take it's course, you will not only save on cleaning supplies, but lower your water and electricity costs as well. Relax, have a beer, and save money in the process.

4. Saving on that next vacation:

Summer's here and it's time once again for that dream vacation. I mean the neighbors dream vacation, of course, not yours. You can't afford a vacation this year. Well, you could afford a vacation, but only one that doesn't involve flying, driving or eating. No, looks like you'll be stuck at home while the neighbors are out on their Polynesian cruise, so why not use their absence to do a little savings while they're gone.

Chances are the neighbors won't be taking their pet along with them on vacation, so why not offer to watch little fluffy or fido for them while they're away? They'll be relieved to have someone close by to watch their pet, and you can use the oppurtunity to ask for their housekey in case an emergency should arise. Then, as soon as they leave, shut down the water and electricty at your house, and go move into theirs.

Forget about paying the utilities. It's their bill, not yours. No more of this turning the air conditioning off. Turn that sucker on, and leave it on - the lights too. Turn on every light in the house and leave them on day and night, take 45 minute showers, run a hose from their yard to yours and water your lawn as much as you like - make it look like the Everglades if you want to. If they've got a pool, crank up that heater and have a pool party. Call up a caterer and have them send the bill to your neighbors address. Live it up. While they're having their vacation, have a little vacation of your own.

Finally, when the neighbors return home, don't admit to anything.

"Say Bob, you know it's the strangest thing. While we were away in Tahiti, our utility bill almost tripled."

"Yours too? Man, I thought it was just us. These utility rates are ridiculous, aren't they?"

5. Children are our most precious asset:

They never listen, they're always mouthing off, they think they know everything, they won't stop fighting...yes, our children are precious to us. But aren't there times when you'd like to be able to just sit down with your kids, as a family, without any of the distractions or the hustle and bustle of daily life, and...

wring their little necks.

No, I'm kidding of course. You don't want to harm your children, but what if you could sell them instead? Pawn 'em off on some poor, unsuspecting couple and let 'em drive someone else crazy for a while. Well, that's what couples in third world nations have been doing for centuries. By selling their children to unscrupulous middlemen, they not only get a cash payment up front, but save thousands and thousands of dollars on the care and feeding of the ungrateful little buggers.

And what a valuable life lesson you'll be passing on to your kids as well. As they spend then next 5, 10, or even 20 years of their lifes in indentured servitude, down on their knees scrubbing some rich woman's floors, perhaps then they'll finally start to appreciate how good they had it. Perhaps then they'll learn to have a little respect for the mother and father who provided for them all those years (the ungrateful little buggers). Money in your pocket and a valuable life lesson as well. It's a win-win situation for both parent and child.

The Green PC

I love a financial panic, don't you? Yeah, there's nothing like the sight of an angry mob breaking down the doors to the bank to put a little drama in your life - like something out of those old Hollywood movies. The most amazing thing to me, though, isn't the lines of people, it's that there are actually people in this country who still have any money left in the bank. Geez, after gassing up the car and paying for my groceries, I'm pretty well tapped out.

And what's even more amazing is that in this new electronic age there are still people who go to the bank at all. Maybe it's just me but I always assumed that pretty much everybody does their banking online these days. Well, maybe not. Apparently a lot of people are doing their banking the old fashioned way - they get in their cars and drive to the bank and fill out their little deposit/withdrawal slips and go stand in line - just like grandma and grandpa used to do.

That's so weird.

You know, people, you don't have to do that anymore. They have these things called ATM's now, and direct deposit and the internet and all kinds of neat stuff. If you want to take your money out of one bank and move it to another, you can even do this thing called an ACH transfer and the banks take care of it all electronically. It's so much easier than grabbing a baseball bat and running down to the bank to demand your money back.

Anyway, I must be out of step because I have at least a half dozen bank accounts and I haven't set foot in a bank in years. No, that's not true. I did have to go into my Credit Union to open a checking account, but then Credit Unions always seem to be a bit behind when it comes to new technologies. Other than that I don't think I'd know what the inside of a bank looks like. Do they still give you cookies? Do they still run passbooks through big noissy machines that stamp your balance on little pink pages?

I just did a google search and according to a 2006 study the percentage of online banking customers back in 2005 was around 40%. Hmm, I guess I was wrong. It looks like most people do still do their banking the old fashioned way. Go figure. Maybe people don't know about this thing called electronic banking. You know maybe...just maybe...this would be an opportunity for me to actually post something useful to this blog. Wouldn't that be something? No guarantees mind you, but why not give it a try.

Let me start by telling you about this guy I saw on the news. He had a CD with Indymac Bank for around $220,000, and when Indymac went belly up he was only able to recover about $170,000 of his deposit. He may get more in the future, but that's all he's gotten so far. Clearly, that guy was doing his banking under the old "sit down at the desk, open an account, get your little book stamped (and ask if they have any cookies)" model. Mind you, there's no law that says you can't do it that way, but you see what can happen.

Nowadays, you have other options. If he had come to me with his money and sought my advice I would have sold him some life insurance. No, no, I'm just kidding. I would have shown him how CD investing works in the modern world.

His first mistake, you see, was going to the bank. I figure he saw an Indymac ad in the paper advertising some ridiculously high CD rate and decided to take all his money and go for it. That's perfectly understandable, particularly if you've looked at some of the pitiful rates that savings and money market accounts are paying these days. However, what he should have done instead of going down to the bank is go online.

Once online he could have gone to a website like bankrate.com and compared Indymac's rates to some other CD rates currently on market, and he could have even bought most of them right there over the internet if he wanted to. Yep, he could have done that, but then he might have ended up in the same fix he's in now. Unfortunately, just because a CD is listed on bankrate.com, that doesn't mean the issuing bank is any more fiscally sound that Indymac was.

With $220k to invest, what I would have recommended instead is that he ladder his CD's, and the easiest way I've found to do that is with an online brokerage account. Most, if not all, online brokerage accounts can be set up online, and in many cases can be linked directly to your bank account, making it easy to transfer cash back and forth between the two. Once you have set up and funded your account, then CD laddering is as simple as it gets.

Maybe I should explain laddering. The whole idea behind CD laddering is to spread your interest rate risk over a group of CD's, trading some upside (and downside) potential for a better average return over time. For example, suppose you put $220,000 in a 12 month CD paying 3.8%. That's great, but let's say that a couple of months after your purchase interest rates start to rise. Now instead of paying 3.8%, newly issued 12 month CD's are paying 4.0%. Oops. By locking yourself in to that one CD, your going to miss out on an extra .02% of interest for the next 10 months until your CD matures. Then let's say that interest rates continue to rise and a couple of months later 12 month CD's are paying 4.2%. Now you're really starting to feel screwed.

If instead of putting all of your $220k into that one CD, though, suppose you laddered your money instead. That is, instead of buying 1 CD you buy 4 CD's of varying lengths. For example, you put $55k into a 3 month CD paying 2.5%, another $55k into a 6 month CD paying 2.9%, another $55k into a 9 month CD paying 3.4%, and finally the final $55k into the 12 month CD paying 3.8%. Obviously, your not going to make as much money laddering as you would by putting all your money into one 12 month CD, but now what happens if interest rates start to rise.

Well, in 3 months the first CD matures so you invest the proceeds from that CD into a new 12 month CD paying 4.0%. In another 3 months the second CD matures and you invest the proceeds from that into a 12 month CD paying 4.2%. In another 3 months the third CD matures and you invest it into a 12 month CD, and in another 3 months the fourth CD matures and you invest it in another 12 month CD as well. As you can see, now instead of having all of your eggs in one basket, you've got a situation where every 3 months one of your CD matures and gets reinvested, allowing you to take advantage of rising interest rates.

Of course, interest rates can also fall, but by laddering you insure that as they fall at least some part of your investment is either at or above the current rate. That's the whole idea behind laddering, and this is just one simple example of how it can be done. By averaging your purchases over time, you guard against fluctuation.

So why do you need an online brokerage account to do that? You don't, but brokerage accounts make it much easier. I'll use Charles Schwab as an example, since that's the broker I use. You might not know it but Schwab isn't just about stocks and bonds, and in fact has a whole section of their website dedicated to CD's ( I'm pretty sure that Ameritrade and Etrade and all the others do as well). If you go to Schwab's CD page you'll see that they offer a list of CD's of different interest rates and maturities offered for sale.

To set up a ladder, all you do is search the maturity your looking for, compare the rates from the different banks, and press the "buy" button. There are no transaction costs involved because Schwab has an agreement with certain banks and the banks pay all the fees. In the above example, you could buy a 3 month CD from Bank A, a 6 month CD from Bank B, a 9 month CD from bank C, and a 12 month CD from bank D, which not only spreads out your interest rate risk but also keeps all your money fully FDIC insured if the individual CD's are with different banks and under the $100k limit.

So you see, there was no reason for that gentleman to lose the money he did. He could have gone online and laddered his CD's and saved himself a lot of grief. It's all about risk management, and I bet you there are a lot of people out there making all sorts of fancy trades who don't have a clue about simple cash investing. It's certainly not very sexy and your not going to sell a lot of copies of Money Magazine by putting CD Laddering on the cover, but with the way things are today and everybody ducking for cover it might not hurt to learn a little about the less glamorous side of investing.

Hope that was useful.

I Got My Acme Toaster

The thing is, I'm an Acme guy. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but for some reason whatever Acme makes I gotta buy it. That's just who I am. People say, like, "Oh, he's just an Acme fanboy" and things like that, but I don't care. Acme makes the coolest stuff out there, that's all. It's not like someone buys a Samsung or a Sony and I say "Oh, he's just a total Sony fanboy" or something stupid like that. It's just that, for me, life really comes down to just three things - the times when Acme announces a new product, the times when Acme ships a new product, and then all the lonely, meaningless, hours in between.

So like I said, I'm an Acme guy, and this new Acme toaster is just so cool. All the Acme rumor sites were speculating about it last year, but when Acme finally announced it last spring's AcmePlanet conference it just blew everybody away. I mean, everyone knew it would have four slots and all that, but no one predicted it would have an automatic french toast feature. Man, that is awesome. None of the Acme rumor sites predicted that. Of course to make french toast you have to activate the toaster and buy this special Acme bread, and when you can't activate it you have to sign up for a monthly "Ac-ME" subscription, but that doesn't bother me. It's just a matter of time before someone figures out a way to hack the toaster to use regular Orowheat or Wonder Bread instead.

That didn't stop me from buying mine, at least. At first I was just going to go down to Walmart about 2 hours before they opened up and then stand in line, but I guess I started getting a little anxious so I decided to go down the week before and sleep on the sidewalk instead. Some people think that's weird, but, I dunno. I suppose on the scale of human achievement, camping out in front of the store just so I could be first to get an Acme toaster isn't really all that much. It's roughly equivalent to being the first one on the schoolbus just to get a seat by the window, but, I dunno, I just had to have one. You know?

But I got one now and it's so cool. I should probably do a review but I just got it so I haven't really used all the features yet. You can get them in white or stainless steel, and I got one of the stainless steel ones. What's so cool about it, though, is that it doesn't have any buttons. It's just got these lights on the side and you touch them whenever you need to do anything, like change modes or adjust the temperature or things like that. Even if you don't want to make any toast it's still fun just to play with the buttons.

What's kind of a drag, though, is that it uses this really weird cable to plug into the wall. You have to use this special adaptor that goes into the wall socket and then the cable plugs into the adaptor, and if you lose either the cable or the adaptor then you have to buy a totally new power kit from Acme. I think they cost like $40 too, so you gotta be careful not to lose it.

The french toast thing was cool too, but you have to activate your toaster before you can use it. That was kind of a pain. When I got home I tried to activate it, but Acme's servers were down. It took me like 3 hours before I finally got through, and then I had to download the code to my toaster and install it, and that took like another half-hour. Then when I finally got everything installed, I found out that I needed special Acme bread in order to make french toast. I'm going down to the Acme store tomorrow and pick some up and I'll let you know how it turns out. I don't like french toast all that much anyway.

That's all I've got so far. I don't think anyone else has got their toaster post up yet so I'm pretty sure I'm the first. I hope so. That would be killer. Either way I think I'll go take a shower now because, like dude, I've been sleeping on the sidewalk for a week, you know? After that, I dunno, maybe I'll play around with my toaster for a while and then check out the Acme sites to see if there are any new rumors. I'm just so stoked right now that I can't sleep. Maybe later. I can't wait to go into work tomorrow and show everybody my new toaster. That ought to be interesting for, I dunno,

five minutes.

Free-dumb-ah, Free-dumb-ah, Free-dumb-ah, Free-dumb-ah

If this is global warming, then I'm opposed to it. So far we've got fire, drought, heat alerts, and pestilence and plague are probably just around the corner. That's here in California, of course, and it boggles the mind to think that the population experts are saying that if current population trends hold, the Bay Area alone can expect to see an increase of around 1 million new residents by the year 2050.

People, what are you thinking?

Ok, look, if you're going to move here then at least be prepared. I's say , at the minimum, you'll need a fire extinguisher, an earthquake survival kit, and lots and lots of bottled water. A good set of solar panels would also come in handy because I don't think we're going to have enough electricity to go around (nuclear works too).

As for myself, I'm a native, and as long as I've got some gas in my tank then I'll survive. Yeah, call it a case of Nero fiddlin' while California burns, but we've got so many natural disasters going on around here that a person just can't keep up. Better just to gas our tanks, fire up the engine, and go cruising.

Today was particularly bad. Seems a big, smelly high pressure system decided to park itself outside our door, and I'm telling ya' it must have been 900 degrees outside. The kind of day where everything gets frazzled - the people, the birds, and even the trees start getting droopy. I'll never forget it. This afternoon I saw a heat exhausted cat try to cross the street and get to some shade and it just broke my heart to hear his little paws start to sizzle as he stepped across the hot pavement.

Poor little kitty.

All you could see as after he made it across the road were the spots where his skin had blistered off and peeled, leaving little pawprints melted into the asphalt. (Sorry. I just made that up. No animlas were injured in the posting of this blog)

Well, I'm no poor little kitty and I'm no fool either, so when the furnace started heating up I did what any sane Californian would do. I went to the beach. Yeah sure, we had this "spare the air" alert in the valley and we weren't supposed to drive if we didn't have to, but c'mon. Besides, going to the beach gave me a chance to take my first long ride on my new bike. I say if you want clean air then move to the Himalayas - I'm going riding.

The bike is still 100% stock so I headed out without benefit of a windshield or a comfortable place to sit, but it was still a nice ride - about a hundred miles roundtrip. I don't really need a windshield to ride that far anyway, and the seat - well, what can I say about the seat. Let me put it this way.

It was about a 45 minute ride to Santa Cruz due to the road congestion. Unfortunately, about a quarter of million other people had the same idea I had and decided to make it a "beach day" too, so the traffic was a little heavy going over the mountain. It ended up taking me about 45 minutes, and by the time I got to Santa Cruz I felt like I just had a colonoscopy and the proctologist had left a couple of his instruments up there.

Why is that, you ask? Why don't motorcycle manufacturers put a decent seats on their bikes? Well, you're not the only one who wonders this very thing because I've read hundreds and hundreds of posts on the various motorcycle forums about this very same subject, and the consensus seems to be that uncomfortable stock motorcycle seats, like just about every other problem discussed on the internet, is part of a huge conspiracy. The theory among the uniformed is that motorcycle manufacturers recieve secret kickbacks from motorcycle accessory companies for each aftermarket motorcycle seat they sell. Thus, the crappier the stock seats, the more aftermarket seats they sell, and the more money the motorcycle manufacturers make down the road.

Well I've heard some wild conspiracy theories before, and all I can say is that before we all start jumping to conclusions we should look at the facts. Having no facts to look at, however, let me just say that I'm in total agreement. It's a conspiracy, dammit, and those aftermarket seats aren't cheap either.

Of course there are the dissenters, and I particularly remember this one post I read where the guy said "You're riding a motorcycle not sitting on your living room sofa. Get over it." (subtext: quit you're complaining you snively-nosed bunch of whiners). I guess it's reassuring to know that in this age of excess there's still a minimalist or two among us. Just give him a frame, an engine, a couple of wheels and set of handlebars and he's all set. Personally, whiner that I am, I'd add a comfortable place to sit into the mix as well.

Anyway, like I said it was around 900 degrees in the valley today, but the coast was a little cooler. Actually, a lot cooler. Actually, pretty frickin' cold, and there I was with nothing but my mesh riding jacket, my mesh gloves, tshirt, jeans and boots on. As soon as I got north of Santa Cruz the temperature dropped from 900 degrees above zero to about 20 below. Still, ever the adventurer I sallied on, even as my heart slowed and my arms went numb and frostbite started to tickle my toes. The proficient motorcyclist always comes prepared for changing weather conditions, the dumbass motorcyclist just freezes his butt off.

I managed to finish the ride, however, and I had my trusty little camerphone along for some quick snaps. This shot is from the cliffs above Pescadero beach looking south. Normally, the haze you see along this part of the coast would be the fog drifting in from the ocean, but this is not fog. It is the smoke from the California fires making it's way south. Over the next few days the weather people are expecting more and more of this smoke to settle into the Bay Area and across the state, so if you're planning on coming out to California any time soon you might want to throw a respirator or two into your overnight bag.

The bike ran like a dream. This road along this particular stretch of coast is officially called The Cabrillo Highway, but I don't know anyone who calls it that. In fact, if you asked any of the locals for directions on how to get to the Cabrillo Highway, I'm pretty sure they would punch you in the nose and ask "What did you call me?" Up here everyone just calls it Highway 1, and it's a very popular place to go biking (both motorized and non-motorized). I must have seen at least a couple dozen motorcycles go past in just the short stretch I rode - sportbikes, mostly, with just an occaisional hog. Lots of cars like to use the road too and you may even come across an RV or two along the way, but the really nice thing about Highway 1, besides the scenery and the open road, is that it's not very popular with the truckers. In fact, I didn't see a single one today, and that's always a good thing.

All in all, I had a great ride. Lots of butt breaks, but that's just the way it goes. Luckily there a lots of beaches along the way where you can stop and stretch your legs or do whatever you need to do. I'm including this last picture just so you can see some of the luxury accomodations you'll find as you pass down the highway. It's strange that travel writers hardly ever mention restroom facilities when they publish their travel guides, as if that's something no one ever thinks about. I mean, if you're taking a road trip then pitstops are an important consideration, aren't they? I know I think about them, and worry if none are around. Have you ever been travelling down an interstate and casually scanned the bushes along the side of the road wondering what would make a good stopping point in case of emergency? Or is that just me?

Art Sale

The dilemma facing the modern blogger these days is to find a topic worth blogging about. The economy? Too depressing. The energy crisis? Too intractable. The elections? The voter's know who they are going to elect. Up and down the spectrum the issues of the day are simply too bleak to bear scrutiny, the challenges too daunting to believe that talk and wisdom alone can detour or delay their consequence. Isn't it the most compromising trait of leadership that leaders, failing to lead, make such a virtue of debate, as though a "healthy debate of the issues" were a fitting substitute for action. Let the bloggers debate the issues, Senators, and let yourselves get on with the conduct of affairs.

Anyway, I'm fresh out of solutions. Sorry. I hope that isn't why your reading me today. Did you come here for investment advice maybe? Well, I'll be damned if I know where you should invest your money. Stocks, bonds, real estate are all falling, interest on cash deposits is pitiful, and everyone keeps telling us that commodities are the place to be. Really? All I can say is that I have no clue why oil is trading at $145 a barrel, and I'd rather understand what I'm investing in rather than just throw my money in the pot because that's what everyone else is doing. The next time someone tells you to invest in commodities then ask them to explain the corn market to you, or the metals market, or the oil market or whatever, and not in general terms but in specific terms of risk and reward. After you hear their answer, then decide if you want to invest in commodities.

But I don't want to talk about that - it's too depressing. Let's talk about politics. Nah, wait, I don't really want to talk about that either. I want to talk about Bayreuth. I'm sure you must have seen this story come across the wires. In case you didn't, it looks like the Bayreuth festival has decided to go online this year, and in a surprising display of "not getting it" has decided to charge web audiences a mere $77.00 to watch to their live opening night webcast. According to the article, they hope this will attract new generations of opera goers.

Or...uh...maybe not.

Now before I offer my opinion on the subject let me just say that I think it's great that Bayreuth has decided to at least explore new media as a means to reach new audiences. I mean it's not like the festival is going to fail if they choose not to participate in the digital revolution. This is the Bayreuth Festspielhaus, for crying out loud - the house that Wagner built. According to Wikipedia, the Bayreuth festival has been sold out ever since it's first performance in 1876. Clearly, attendance is not a problem.

But the Bayreuth festival doesn't want to be left behind by the newer technologies, so they've decided to experiment with live streaming. Again, I think that's great, even though I'm not as worried as some that opera may be a dying art form. Sure, it's not as popular as it once was, but there are many successful opera houses all around the globe and audiences are still buying tickets to see performances of what is essentially a four hundred year old art form. If you think of all the cultural changes that have taken place over the last four centuries then you have to think that opera has enough staying power to outlast the digital revolution as well.

The key, of course, is new audiences, and that's really what this whole streaming thing is about. It's a great idea, but do they really think they're going to attract new audiences by charging $77.00 for the stream? Not likely. Not when you consider that on the web people expect to get things for free, and that today's teens or twenty-somethings are much more inclined to go to a peer-to-peer site and get a bootlegged copy of what they want (along with various viruses and worms and rootkits, etc...) than they to pay 77 bucks to watch to an opera. It's a good idea Bayreuth, but if you want to generate any buzz on the web you've got to give it away.

Then again I could be wrong, and if just one child is saved from a life of Christina Aguilera records then it will be worth the whole undertaking (pfffffftttt). Actually, I was trying to remember how I first got into opera and I really can't remember any one thing exactly, although I'm pretty sure I didn't have to shell out $77.00 for the experience.

For me, I think, I just got bored with rock and roll. At a certain point I just understood everything there was to understand about that music, and the experience started to go stale. So I started listening to jazz instead, and I liked it, but jazz rarely achieved the kind of artistic depth I was looking for. Jazz was more like a dozen or so real innovators, and 10,000 copycats all doing more or less the same thing.

My real musical epiphany didn't come until a few years later when I was flipping around the radio dial one night and happened upon something that just blew my mind. That was Mahler's Third Symphony and it changed my life. The arts can do that you know. Just look at any teenager and see the effects that a certain style of music can have on the way they act and the way they dress and just their whole cultural outlook. After hearing Mahler's Third for the first time I went out and bought the record and have been listening to classical music ever since. That's the absolute truth, and somewhere along the way opera entered the picture.

So who knows, maybe the Bayreuth webcast will change someone's elses life just as Mahler changed mine. I'm sure there are still plenty of kids out there who are hungering for a deeper musical experience than the three minute songs being served up on the radio or on Itunes, and maybe they'll be willing to spend the $77.00 to try something new. If not then perhaps Bayreuth will try again and maybe offer a free webcast instead. That would be good too. If so, then I'd suggest they try a different opera. Der Meistersinger is nice, but doesn't strike me as the Wagnerian opera that would appeal to a teenager. Teens would probably be more into something like Tannhauseur, with all that sin and redemption and death and stuff. Kids eat that up.

But it'll come, it'll come. Like I said, opera's been around for four hundred years, so I'm pretty sure it's going to stick around for a while, and who knows, maybe four hundred years from now they'll still be singing Christina Aguilera songs too.

Hey, it could happen.