This Whole New Media Thing Explained
It was hot, I was tired, so I decided to head over to the Big Media Deli to get a bite to eat.
"Hiya Joe, give me a Reuben will ya."
"No can do, man. If you want a Reuben you'll have to wait until 7:30."
"But Joe, that's an hour and half from now," I says. "Can't you just make me up a sandwich now?"
"Like I said, you want a Reuben then you'll have to wait."
"Don't you got any Pastrami?"
"Yeah, I got Pastrami."
"Don't you got any Rye?"
"Yeah, I got the Rye."
"Then why do I got to wait around till 7:30?"
"Cause that's the way we do things around here. Look, you want a Reuben then come back at 7:30. You want to eat now then we're serving Tuna Salad."
"But that don't make no sense, Joe. If you got the Pastrami and you got the Rye then why can't I..."
"Look Buddy," Joe says to me as he reaches his hand under the counter, "We gonna have trouble here?"
"No, no trouble. Hell of a way to treat your customers, though."
"Treat the customers? Look, you see that Ferrari parked over there in the parking lot?"
"Yeah I see it."
"You know who owns that Ferrari?"
"You?"
"Yeah, that's right. ME. And you know how I got the money for that Ferrari?"
"Beats me."
"I got it because I know what the customer wants. I been in this business for over 50 years and believe me, no one knows what the customer wants better than me. Not EVEN the customer."
"Well, what if the customer wants a Reuben?"
"Then he comes in at 7:30, and if he wants a Tuna Salad then he comes in at 6:00. Got it?"
"No. I don't 'get it'. You got Pastrami, you got Rye bread, I've got money to spend, so why don't we just do this now instead of waiting until 7:30."
"Cause like I told you - that ain't what the customer wants."
"Look Joe, how 'bout we do this. How 'bout you make me up a Reuben now, at 6:00, and I pay for it, but then I promise you I won't eat it until 7:30. Would that be ok? That wouldn't break any rules would it?"
"You mean I give you the sandwich now so that you can eat it later?"
"Yeah. We can call it timeshifting."
"No way."
"Why not?"
"How do I know that if I give you that sandwich now that you won't turn around and share it with some of your buddies, huh? And then what? Maybe they start sharing it with some of their buddies and pretty soon no one will want to buy any more sandwiches. No. No way. No deal partner."
"You're crazy Joe. You're totally Looney Tunes, man. Ok, say I come back at 7:30 and buy a sandwich, what's to stop me from sharing that sandwich with some of my buddies then? Huh?"
"This baseball bat I got under the counter, that's what."
"Baseball bat? You mean if I buy the sandwich and try to share it with someone you're gonna hit me over the head with a baseball bat?"
"Yeah, that's right. I call it DRM - Disfigure, Ruin and Maim."
"Well what if I get the sandwich to go? You gonna follow me around with a baseball bat?"
"To go? We don't have sandwiches to go. That ain't what the customer wants."
"Well maybe he does Joe. Maybe the customer wants the freedom to order a sandwich when it's convenient for him and eat it wherever and whenever he chooses. Does that seem so strange to you?"
"Damn right it does. If I say the customer wants his Reuben at 7:30 then that's when he wants his Reuben, see. Remember, I'm the one that's driving the Ferrari here. Got it?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever."
"No" Joe says as he reaches back under the counter, "I said DO YOU GOT IT?"
"Yeah, I got it. Don't get yourself all worked up."
"Good, now is there anything else I can do for you?"
"How about a ham and cheese. Can I get a ham and cheese?"
"What did I just say. I said we got Tuna Salad, or don't you hear so good."
"But what about one of those ham and cheese sandwiches over there in the refrigerator. You don't even have to make 'em - they're all ready to go."
"Those are saved for group parties only."
"Huh?"
"It's a system. First we sell ham and cheese to large groups, then we sell them to food processors to be repackaged and sold in the supermarkets, then we sell them to caterers to resell to their paying clients, and then we sell them to the general public."
"So when can I get one?"
"Try me in about 6 months."
"6 months? Why can't you just sell me one now? I mean I'm here, I'm ready to buy, what's the problem?"
"Like I said, it's a system. This way everyone gets their cut, and besides, it's what the customer..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if I want a ham and cheese now I gotta go drive somewhere and buy a ticket so I can sit with a bunch of other people and we can all eat our ham and cheeses together. Is that how it works?"
"The experience is much better and it gets you out of the house."
"Sure it does, and I tell you after I go to all that trouble it better be one hell of ham and cheese sandwich. But what if it's just a so-so sandwich that I'd rather enjoy sitting on my sofa at home. You telling me I gotta wait 6 months?"
"That's the system."
"And that's what the customer wants, right?"
"You're catching on."
"Well, ok, let's say I wait the 6 months and I buy the ham and cheese. Will I be allowed to take it home?"
"Sure, that's the whole idea."
"And when I get home then I can do whatever I want with it?"
"Say, wait a minute..."
"I mean, if I want to share it with some of my friends that'll be ok?"
"Not unless you want me to whoop some DRM on your ass."
"No sharing then."
"You want to see my baseball bat?"
"No, that's ok. But how about if I don't want to eat the whole sandwich. How about if I want to save some of it. Not to share with anyone else, mind you, but just for my own personal use. Can I do that?"
"What do you mean personal use? That sounds like a bunch of crap to me. You're just saving it so that you can share it over the internet aren't you?"
"No, not share - personal use. My own, personal use."
"Look buddy, you buy the sandwich then you eat the sandwich. That's the way it works. You want to try anything funny then it's your ass, not mine."
"No personal use, then."
"..."
"Ok, ok...You know what I think. I think you can take all your rules and restrictions and shove 'em. If I want a Reuben or a ham and cheese then I don't need your permission - I'll just take 'em. And if I want to share 'em with my friends then I'll go ahead and share. And if you want to whoop a DRM beatin' on my ass then you just go ahead and try. Just remember you gotta catch me first."
"I got dogs."
"Dogs?"
"Yeah. Mean, ugly dogs with briefcases. Believe me you don't want to mess with those dogs 'cause they'll hunt you down and eat your liver."
"Heh - you don't scare me. Besides, who needs you're stupid sandwiches. We'll get some bread and ham and cheese and make our own. Then we won't even need your stupid deli, and if we feel like having a sandwich we'll just make one, and we can do whatever we want with it too. Eat it, share it, save it, anything we feel like and you can't do nothing about it. Yeah, we'll make 'em just the way we want 'em and and eat 'em whenever we feel like it. What do you think about that!"
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,ha, ..."
"What's so funny?"
"That'll never work."
"Why not?"
"Cause that's not what the customer wants."
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Monday, July 25, 2005
No I Don't Need The Extended Warranty
I'm not a car guy so why does it come as no suprise that the big event this week in San Jose is a car race through downtown San Jose. Not that I mind, it's just that you've got all these Champ cars coming to town and racing around and making all kinds of noise and for what? Just to go around in circles and arrive back where they started from? Sheesh, what's the hurry?
But then, like I said, I'm not a car guy. Back in high school I was never one of those you'd see standing around the quad talking exhaust manifolds and carburators and reciting a bunch of numbers they memorized from a magazine with tailpipes and busty bikini models on the cover. Maybe I should have but the fact is I was too busy being one of those musician wannabes hanging around the music building and trying desperately to become the next Duane Allman or Jimi Hendrix.
"Hey man, show me how to play that".
"Sure, it goes like this (bee de lee de bee de bee bee twang). Got it?"
"No, man, you played it too fast. What was that first part again?"
"See ya'. "
"Oh...oh...ok, that's cool. You gotta jet, I get it. That's alright I think I got it. Let's see (thunk bip buzz buzz kdunk buzz...) Damn, I missed that last part. How did that go again? Oh yeah, I forgot. See ya'...thanks."
I wonder what's more pathetic - the wannabe's that try to talk cars and don't know what they're talking about or the wannabe's that try to be guitarists and can't play. Well, better to be one or the other than wind up being both, I suppose.
So, like I said, I'm not a car guy, and that's unfortunate too because it's that time again. That time that I'm sure so many of us look forward to. That time when we leave our comfortable little worlds, steel ourselves, grit our teeth, march down to our friendly local car dealerships and prepare to do battle with those frickin' people again.
Yes, it's car buying time.
Now if they would just invent a car that would always stay stylish and modern and never break down then I wouldn't have to go through with all this. What's even sadder is that I really don't have to go through with this. My current car is running just fine. It's one of those japanese models and all I do is put gas in it, change the oil, keep the tires and brakes fresh, and it just runs and runs and runs. It's dependable, reliable, extremely cheap to own and even though it's got around 110,000 miles on it I don't see any reason why it shouldn't go another 110,000. All I have to do is just keep doing what I'm doing.
And that's the problem with these japanese cars. They're so dependable and so reliable that after a while you just get sick of them. At least with an American or European car you can count on the thing to break down on you and force you to buy something else, but these japanese things just keep going on and on and on. I mean it's boring.
So I don't really need a new car, but I want a new car, and the prices are pretty good nowdays so why not. And this time I think I'm going to get...well, another japanese car. Geez, I haven't thrown prudence and sensibility completely out the window. This time, however, I'm using the internet to make sure I get exactly what I want.
And that's what this blog is really all about. (Yeah, I know, 5,000 words of introduction and we haven't even gotten to the first theme yet).
So here's the skinny on shopping for cars on the internet - it totally rocks. Now mind you I didn't say buying a car on the internet. That's a whole different story. But researching and pricing cars on the internet is definitely the way to go these days. There is just so much information out there. You got Edmunds, and Intellichoice, and Yahoo Auto, and Carsdirect and the list just goes on and on. You can get reviews, specs, options, dealer costs, dealer incentives, Kelly Blue Book value, trade-in value, loan rates, insurance quotes, and best of all, dealer quotes on any car currently for sale in your area.
Now, without even leaving the house, I know what I'm interested in, I know what the price is, I know what my current trade-in is worth, I know what my financing options are, and I know how much it will cost me to insure it. Grrrrrrr, c'mon Mr. Dealer man, I'm ready for ya. Yeah, that's right, you ain't gonna hornswaggle me! Now mind you, I've said that everytime I've ever bought a car in the past and I've always left the dealership feeling like I just had my pocket picked, but not this time.
No, this time I've got the price quoted in advance.
They say that bargaining over the internet saves the buyer, on average, about $400 over what they would have spent had they just walked into the dealership cold, and I believe them. This price quoting thing is great, and it seems like the dealers don't try to jerk you around so much if they know that you've been to Edmunds.com or some site like that where you have all the numbers right there in front of you. I got about 10 different quotes in on the 3 different cars I'm looking at, and they all were pretty good though definitely not all the same.
For instance, on one of the cars I had a quote that was $500 over Invoice, one that was $200 under invoice, and another that was $250 under invoice. Why so cheap? Because I can see right here on my computer screen that there is a $400 incentive being paid to the dealer by the manufacturer and that the 2006 model is just about to be introduced and some dealers are willing to sell under invoice in order to clear their inventory. That's why so cheap.
So now that I have price quotes in hand and all the other information I need, all I need to do is go down to the dealership and check the car out. If I like it, I buy it, and if I don't, I don't. I'm sure they'll try to lowball me on the trade-in but don't forget - I know what the trade-in value is too. As long as it's close and as long as I like the car then this whole car buying thing might just have gotten a whole lot easier. Yeah, what would we do without the good ol' internet.
Wish me luck!
I'm not a car guy so why does it come as no suprise that the big event this week in San Jose is a car race through downtown San Jose. Not that I mind, it's just that you've got all these Champ cars coming to town and racing around and making all kinds of noise and for what? Just to go around in circles and arrive back where they started from? Sheesh, what's the hurry?
But then, like I said, I'm not a car guy. Back in high school I was never one of those you'd see standing around the quad talking exhaust manifolds and carburators and reciting a bunch of numbers they memorized from a magazine with tailpipes and busty bikini models on the cover. Maybe I should have but the fact is I was too busy being one of those musician wannabes hanging around the music building and trying desperately to become the next Duane Allman or Jimi Hendrix.
"Hey man, show me how to play that".
"Sure, it goes like this (bee de lee de bee de bee bee twang). Got it?"
"No, man, you played it too fast. What was that first part again?"
"See ya'. "
"Oh...oh...ok, that's cool. You gotta jet, I get it. That's alright I think I got it. Let's see (thunk bip buzz buzz kdunk buzz...) Damn, I missed that last part. How did that go again? Oh yeah, I forgot. See ya'...thanks."
I wonder what's more pathetic - the wannabe's that try to talk cars and don't know what they're talking about or the wannabe's that try to be guitarists and can't play. Well, better to be one or the other than wind up being both, I suppose.
So, like I said, I'm not a car guy, and that's unfortunate too because it's that time again. That time that I'm sure so many of us look forward to. That time when we leave our comfortable little worlds, steel ourselves, grit our teeth, march down to our friendly local car dealerships and prepare to do battle with those frickin' people again.
Yes, it's car buying time.
Now if they would just invent a car that would always stay stylish and modern and never break down then I wouldn't have to go through with all this. What's even sadder is that I really don't have to go through with this. My current car is running just fine. It's one of those japanese models and all I do is put gas in it, change the oil, keep the tires and brakes fresh, and it just runs and runs and runs. It's dependable, reliable, extremely cheap to own and even though it's got around 110,000 miles on it I don't see any reason why it shouldn't go another 110,000. All I have to do is just keep doing what I'm doing.
And that's the problem with these japanese cars. They're so dependable and so reliable that after a while you just get sick of them. At least with an American or European car you can count on the thing to break down on you and force you to buy something else, but these japanese things just keep going on and on and on. I mean it's boring.
So I don't really need a new car, but I want a new car, and the prices are pretty good nowdays so why not. And this time I think I'm going to get...well, another japanese car. Geez, I haven't thrown prudence and sensibility completely out the window. This time, however, I'm using the internet to make sure I get exactly what I want.
And that's what this blog is really all about. (Yeah, I know, 5,000 words of introduction and we haven't even gotten to the first theme yet).
So here's the skinny on shopping for cars on the internet - it totally rocks. Now mind you I didn't say buying a car on the internet. That's a whole different story. But researching and pricing cars on the internet is definitely the way to go these days. There is just so much information out there. You got Edmunds, and Intellichoice, and Yahoo Auto, and Carsdirect and the list just goes on and on. You can get reviews, specs, options, dealer costs, dealer incentives, Kelly Blue Book value, trade-in value, loan rates, insurance quotes, and best of all, dealer quotes on any car currently for sale in your area.
Now, without even leaving the house, I know what I'm interested in, I know what the price is, I know what my current trade-in is worth, I know what my financing options are, and I know how much it will cost me to insure it. Grrrrrrr, c'mon Mr. Dealer man, I'm ready for ya. Yeah, that's right, you ain't gonna hornswaggle me! Now mind you, I've said that everytime I've ever bought a car in the past and I've always left the dealership feeling like I just had my pocket picked, but not this time.
No, this time I've got the price quoted in advance.
They say that bargaining over the internet saves the buyer, on average, about $400 over what they would have spent had they just walked into the dealership cold, and I believe them. This price quoting thing is great, and it seems like the dealers don't try to jerk you around so much if they know that you've been to Edmunds.com or some site like that where you have all the numbers right there in front of you. I got about 10 different quotes in on the 3 different cars I'm looking at, and they all were pretty good though definitely not all the same.
For instance, on one of the cars I had a quote that was $500 over Invoice, one that was $200 under invoice, and another that was $250 under invoice. Why so cheap? Because I can see right here on my computer screen that there is a $400 incentive being paid to the dealer by the manufacturer and that the 2006 model is just about to be introduced and some dealers are willing to sell under invoice in order to clear their inventory. That's why so cheap.
So now that I have price quotes in hand and all the other information I need, all I need to do is go down to the dealership and check the car out. If I like it, I buy it, and if I don't, I don't. I'm sure they'll try to lowball me on the trade-in but don't forget - I know what the trade-in value is too. As long as it's close and as long as I like the car then this whole car buying thing might just have gotten a whole lot easier. Yeah, what would we do without the good ol' internet.
Wish me luck!
Monday, July 18, 2005
Grandpa Myers, The Weather, and Whatever Else I Feel Like Talking About
The best part of seeing my Ohio relatives when they came to visit was just listening to them talk. That's because my relatives were real Ohioans, from the old school that is, and for a kid born and raised in California like me it was always a hoot to listen to all those strange Midwestestern things they used to say. Not that Ohioans talk like that anymore, of course, but in those days before the country was flattened by the banalities of a common culture people from Ohio used to talk different. At least my relatives did, and it was always brought out a few giggles from me and my brothers.
Especially Grandpa Myers. Grandpa Myers was Ohio through and through.
"Hey Buddy (that was my father's name), looks like you could use a little rain. Doesn't seem to much water in that crick over there."
(giggle, giggle, giggle)
"What's so funny back there boys?"
"Grandpa, you said crick. It's not crick, it's creek. C-R-E-E-K, creek."
"Creek? Why that little ol' mud puddle. I never heard such a thing. Ain't enough water in it to be a CREEK. Back where I come from a puny little thing like ain't nothing more than a crick. Ain't that right Buddy?"
"Out here they say creek, Dad. You boys have never seen a real creek before, have you? Not like they have back in Ohio."
"You know we had a crick back in Ohio and when your Dad was about your age he used to go diving into it off an old wooden bridge. Lucky he didn't break his neck, ain't that right Buddy? Good thing Grandma never caught you. Ho, good night nurse!"
(giggle, giggle, giggle)
"Now what're you laughing about?"
"Grandpa, what does 'good night nurse' mean?"
"Never mind that boys. Now Dad, what do you and mom want to eat tonight? You feel like going out to a restaurant or do you want Marge (that was my mother's adopted name) to fix something up at home?"
"That's up to you Buddy. Whatever you feel like doing."
"How about a restaurant. Got any favorites you feel like going to?"
"Well, how about that Eye-talian restaurant we went to last time. That was pretty good."
(giggle, giggle, giggle)
"That Eye-talian restaurant, down there by the crick. Is that where you want to go?"
(guffaw, guffaw, guffaw)
"Boys, settle down back there, I mean it. I don't know what you think is so funny."
"It's not Eye-talian, dad, it's It-alian."
"What did I say?"
(snicker, snicker, snort, snort.)
"You said Eye-talian. (giggle, snort, guffaw, snicker) You said the Eye-talian restaurant down by the crick (chortle, snort, laugh, giggle)"
Okay, so I never said we were mature for our age. Anyways, Grandpa always got a kick out of it and after a while I think he used to put on a little extra of that midwestern talk just to get us going. He'd thown in a few "look out Sadie's" and "Katie bar the door's" just to get us giggling, and of course when he said the word "root" it always rhymed with "foot". "You want to get a root beer" always sounded a lot like "You want to get a foot gear" when coming out of Grandpa's mouth.
Grandpa's favorite word, however, was winnergnauss. What did it mean? Well it wasnt' a real word at all but just a made up word he'd use whenever he was talking about horseradish. Yeah, my Grandpa loved his horseradish. Liverwurst sandwiches with horseradish, sausages with horseradish, saurkraut with horseradish, peanut butter and horser...well, you get the idea. But he never called it horseradish, he always called it winnergnauss, for reasons he never explained. But it became kind of like a little family joke.
"How's the steak, Grandpa?"
"Needs some winnergnauss."
(giggle, giggle, giggle.)
"How are the eggs Grandpa?"
"Where's the winnergnauss?"
(giggle, giggle, giggle)
Well, you get the idea. I remember once after Grandma and Grandpa moved to So. California my Grandpa took me to this new German restaurant that just opened up down the street. Geez, he was so excited because there was no place to get any good German food down where they were living at the time, so when this new restaurant finally opened he took me out for a walk one day and headed straight for the place and some good German cooking. We finally got to the end of the block and I could see the big red roof and on top of it was a big yellow sign on top that read
"Der Weinerschnitzel - Grand Opening".
So on we went to take a look and it was almost sad to see the disappointment on Grandpa's face when he looked at the menu. No brautwurst, no liverwurst, no saurbraten, nothing. Finally he looked down the menu and found something that looked at least a little promising. "I'll have a kraut dog", he said and I ordered a hot dog for myself and we sat down to eat. Poor Grandpa, I saw him take one bite and almost sneer with disgust as he put the thing back in it's wrapper and down the dumpster.
"What's wrong, Grandpa. Aren't you hungry?"
"Needs winnergnauss", he grumbled, and that's the last German meal he ever ordered up at Der Weinerschnitzel.
So why am I telling you all this? Well, it has to do with this heat wave we've been having. You see, out here in the Bay Area we have what are called "microclimates". What that means is that in the summertime a huge bank of fog hugs the coast of California and creates these huge climatic differences in the local weather. It's not unusual, for instance, for temperatures to be sub-zero at the coastline and then be 179 degrees only a few miles inland.
And the weatherpeople love this.
Just turn on the news any night in the summertime and you'll see them up there on the TV screen grinning as they make their forecasts. "Look for temperatures around 158 degrees tomorrow in Livermore, and for you folks at the coast be sure to carry chains as there's a winter storm warning in effect for San Franscisco and Pacifica." Yeah, they just love it as we inland folk sit and swelter while they stand around their air conditioned studios and play with all their little weather toys. Pisses me off, too. I say no one should be allowed to stand there and grin while others suffer, but then weatherpeople enjoy the suffering of others, don't they?
Of course they do. When the weather's nice and calm and nothing's really happening they just stand there in front of the camera looking bored and distracted and thinking about what they're going to have for dinner that night or where they're going to go on their next vacation or whatever. But as soon and a tornado touches down or a hurricane blows ashore or a sweltering heat wave settles in then they perk up and get all excited. "Alright", they say, "weather danger, people are suffering, this is so cool". And then they just start their grinnin'. Bah, I say, come down here and I'll wipe that grin from your face, Mr. Weatherperson. Nyah, I'll show you what I think of your forecast, nyah. You think you can mess with Little Rico, huh? I'll show you. Nyah.
Well, anyways. So the best part of when your Ohio relatives comes to visit is when they decide they want to go visit San Francisco for the first time. That is if you live in San Jose, I mean, because being south of San Francisco in the summertime means that our temperatures are around 30 degrees warmer than the temperatures in S.F., and that always makes for great fun.
There they are, your Ohio relatives, it's 95 degrees outside and they've got their shorts on and maybe a sleeveless blouse or a polo shirt on all ready for a nice sunny day in the great city by the bay, and then out you come carrying a sweater or a jacket and they look at like you've got a few bolts loose.
"Buddy, you're not bringing a jacket are you? Why it's so hot out here I'm about to melt."
"It can get pretty cold up in San Francisco ma, you might want to bring a coat along."
"No, I'll be fine. You've got air conditioning in that car of yours don't you?"
"Yeah. Sure you don't want to bring a coat?"
"No I'll be alright."
"Ok, don't say I didn't warn you."
Yeah, those first-timers, they're pretty funny. They never know what they're getting into. They figure if it's hot in San Jose then it must be hot everywhere, but then they get out of the car at fisherman's wharf and that fog and that wind hits them and they get educated real fast. Hooey, that's always good for a laugh, and it's even better when all the native San Franciscans walking around in scarves and winter coats start looking at them in their shorts and thin little blouses and start giving each other those knowing glances. You know the kind.
"Tourists. Must have come up from San Jose".
Yeah, that's just one of the ways that we Bay Areans get our kicks when entertaining out-of-state visitors. And of course we take pictures so that we can look back through our photo albums years later and remember the day. There's mom and dad and me all bundled up and smiling in front of a huge fog bank that's supposed to be the Golden Gate Bridge, and look, there's Aunt Rose shivering like a ghost, clutching her arms together, and the wind blowing her hair while her face turns blue. Wasn't that a great time.
I just love looking back through those old pictures.
The best part of seeing my Ohio relatives when they came to visit was just listening to them talk. That's because my relatives were real Ohioans, from the old school that is, and for a kid born and raised in California like me it was always a hoot to listen to all those strange Midwestestern things they used to say. Not that Ohioans talk like that anymore, of course, but in those days before the country was flattened by the banalities of a common culture people from Ohio used to talk different. At least my relatives did, and it was always brought out a few giggles from me and my brothers.
Especially Grandpa Myers. Grandpa Myers was Ohio through and through.
"Hey Buddy (that was my father's name), looks like you could use a little rain. Doesn't seem to much water in that crick over there."
(giggle, giggle, giggle)
"What's so funny back there boys?"
"Grandpa, you said crick. It's not crick, it's creek. C-R-E-E-K, creek."
"Creek? Why that little ol' mud puddle. I never heard such a thing. Ain't enough water in it to be a CREEK. Back where I come from a puny little thing like ain't nothing more than a crick. Ain't that right Buddy?"
"Out here they say creek, Dad. You boys have never seen a real creek before, have you? Not like they have back in Ohio."
"You know we had a crick back in Ohio and when your Dad was about your age he used to go diving into it off an old wooden bridge. Lucky he didn't break his neck, ain't that right Buddy? Good thing Grandma never caught you. Ho, good night nurse!"
(giggle, giggle, giggle)
"Now what're you laughing about?"
"Grandpa, what does 'good night nurse' mean?"
"Never mind that boys. Now Dad, what do you and mom want to eat tonight? You feel like going out to a restaurant or do you want Marge (that was my mother's adopted name) to fix something up at home?"
"That's up to you Buddy. Whatever you feel like doing."
"How about a restaurant. Got any favorites you feel like going to?"
"Well, how about that Eye-talian restaurant we went to last time. That was pretty good."
(giggle, giggle, giggle)
"That Eye-talian restaurant, down there by the crick. Is that where you want to go?"
(guffaw, guffaw, guffaw)
"Boys, settle down back there, I mean it. I don't know what you think is so funny."
"It's not Eye-talian, dad, it's It-alian."
"What did I say?"
(snicker, snicker, snort, snort.)
"You said Eye-talian. (giggle, snort, guffaw, snicker) You said the Eye-talian restaurant down by the crick (chortle, snort, laugh, giggle)"
Okay, so I never said we were mature for our age. Anyways, Grandpa always got a kick out of it and after a while I think he used to put on a little extra of that midwestern talk just to get us going. He'd thown in a few "look out Sadie's" and "Katie bar the door's" just to get us giggling, and of course when he said the word "root" it always rhymed with "foot". "You want to get a root beer" always sounded a lot like "You want to get a foot gear" when coming out of Grandpa's mouth.
Grandpa's favorite word, however, was winnergnauss. What did it mean? Well it wasnt' a real word at all but just a made up word he'd use whenever he was talking about horseradish. Yeah, my Grandpa loved his horseradish. Liverwurst sandwiches with horseradish, sausages with horseradish, saurkraut with horseradish, peanut butter and horser...well, you get the idea. But he never called it horseradish, he always called it winnergnauss, for reasons he never explained. But it became kind of like a little family joke.
"How's the steak, Grandpa?"
"Needs some winnergnauss."
(giggle, giggle, giggle.)
"How are the eggs Grandpa?"
"Where's the winnergnauss?"
(giggle, giggle, giggle)
Well, you get the idea. I remember once after Grandma and Grandpa moved to So. California my Grandpa took me to this new German restaurant that just opened up down the street. Geez, he was so excited because there was no place to get any good German food down where they were living at the time, so when this new restaurant finally opened he took me out for a walk one day and headed straight for the place and some good German cooking. We finally got to the end of the block and I could see the big red roof and on top of it was a big yellow sign on top that read
"Der Weinerschnitzel - Grand Opening".
So on we went to take a look and it was almost sad to see the disappointment on Grandpa's face when he looked at the menu. No brautwurst, no liverwurst, no saurbraten, nothing. Finally he looked down the menu and found something that looked at least a little promising. "I'll have a kraut dog", he said and I ordered a hot dog for myself and we sat down to eat. Poor Grandpa, I saw him take one bite and almost sneer with disgust as he put the thing back in it's wrapper and down the dumpster.
"What's wrong, Grandpa. Aren't you hungry?"
"Needs winnergnauss", he grumbled, and that's the last German meal he ever ordered up at Der Weinerschnitzel.
So why am I telling you all this? Well, it has to do with this heat wave we've been having. You see, out here in the Bay Area we have what are called "microclimates". What that means is that in the summertime a huge bank of fog hugs the coast of California and creates these huge climatic differences in the local weather. It's not unusual, for instance, for temperatures to be sub-zero at the coastline and then be 179 degrees only a few miles inland.
And the weatherpeople love this.
Just turn on the news any night in the summertime and you'll see them up there on the TV screen grinning as they make their forecasts. "Look for temperatures around 158 degrees tomorrow in Livermore, and for you folks at the coast be sure to carry chains as there's a winter storm warning in effect for San Franscisco and Pacifica." Yeah, they just love it as we inland folk sit and swelter while they stand around their air conditioned studios and play with all their little weather toys. Pisses me off, too. I say no one should be allowed to stand there and grin while others suffer, but then weatherpeople enjoy the suffering of others, don't they?
Of course they do. When the weather's nice and calm and nothing's really happening they just stand there in front of the camera looking bored and distracted and thinking about what they're going to have for dinner that night or where they're going to go on their next vacation or whatever. But as soon and a tornado touches down or a hurricane blows ashore or a sweltering heat wave settles in then they perk up and get all excited. "Alright", they say, "weather danger, people are suffering, this is so cool". And then they just start their grinnin'. Bah, I say, come down here and I'll wipe that grin from your face, Mr. Weatherperson. Nyah, I'll show you what I think of your forecast, nyah. You think you can mess with Little Rico, huh? I'll show you. Nyah.
Well, anyways. So the best part of when your Ohio relatives comes to visit is when they decide they want to go visit San Francisco for the first time. That is if you live in San Jose, I mean, because being south of San Francisco in the summertime means that our temperatures are around 30 degrees warmer than the temperatures in S.F., and that always makes for great fun.
There they are, your Ohio relatives, it's 95 degrees outside and they've got their shorts on and maybe a sleeveless blouse or a polo shirt on all ready for a nice sunny day in the great city by the bay, and then out you come carrying a sweater or a jacket and they look at like you've got a few bolts loose.
"Buddy, you're not bringing a jacket are you? Why it's so hot out here I'm about to melt."
"It can get pretty cold up in San Francisco ma, you might want to bring a coat along."
"No, I'll be fine. You've got air conditioning in that car of yours don't you?"
"Yeah. Sure you don't want to bring a coat?"
"No I'll be alright."
"Ok, don't say I didn't warn you."
Yeah, those first-timers, they're pretty funny. They never know what they're getting into. They figure if it's hot in San Jose then it must be hot everywhere, but then they get out of the car at fisherman's wharf and that fog and that wind hits them and they get educated real fast. Hooey, that's always good for a laugh, and it's even better when all the native San Franciscans walking around in scarves and winter coats start looking at them in their shorts and thin little blouses and start giving each other those knowing glances. You know the kind.
"Tourists. Must have come up from San Jose".
Yeah, that's just one of the ways that we Bay Areans get our kicks when entertaining out-of-state visitors. And of course we take pictures so that we can look back through our photo albums years later and remember the day. There's mom and dad and me all bundled up and smiling in front of a huge fog bank that's supposed to be the Golden Gate Bridge, and look, there's Aunt Rose shivering like a ghost, clutching her arms together, and the wind blowing her hair while her face turns blue. Wasn't that a great time.
I just love looking back through those old pictures.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Tea And Sympathy
Summertime, and the living is heavy
Sun is high, and my back racked with pain
Dropped a quarter, so I bent down to fetch it
And when I stood I was hurtin', only myself to blame
They don't write 'em like that anymore, do they? Anyways, just thought all of my readers would like to know the lengths to which I go to bring you this blog each week. You see the truth is...I'm hurtin' here folks. I wrenched my back yesterday picking up a quarter I dropped at the soda machine and let me tell you the pain is tremendous. But do I whine? Do I complain? Of course not, for neither rain nor sleet nor stabbing pain will stay this blogger from his appointed rounds. Chin up, shoulders straight, and on we go...
I guess.
Then again, maybe not. Sorry, dear reader, but this isn't working out. I think I better go lay down for a while. I really need to get a pillow under my back and maybe pop a Hilary Hahn CD in the old stereo and try to forget the pain. Yeah that sounds good. Just dream of me and Hilary down at the beach, running and laughing and dipping our toes in the surf. Man, makes me feel better already. The waves crashing, the seagulls gliding in the distance, the crackling of the fire as she smiles and meets my gaze. Yes, I can almost feel the soothing touch of her fingers as she kneels beside me and gently rubs my aching back...
Ow, damn it. I almost forgot. My aching back! Excuse the early exit but I'm gonna have to catch ya'll next time.
And by the way, what ever happened to Hilary? No journal entries, no new CD's, no concert tours. Don't tell me she's down at the beach with someone else. Oh, how I suffer, how I suffer.
Summertime, and the living is heavy
Sun is high, and my back racked with pain
Dropped a quarter, so I bent down to fetch it
And when I stood I was hurtin', only myself to blame
They don't write 'em like that anymore, do they? Anyways, just thought all of my readers would like to know the lengths to which I go to bring you this blog each week. You see the truth is...I'm hurtin' here folks. I wrenched my back yesterday picking up a quarter I dropped at the soda machine and let me tell you the pain is tremendous. But do I whine? Do I complain? Of course not, for neither rain nor sleet nor stabbing pain will stay this blogger from his appointed rounds. Chin up, shoulders straight, and on we go...
I guess.
Then again, maybe not. Sorry, dear reader, but this isn't working out. I think I better go lay down for a while. I really need to get a pillow under my back and maybe pop a Hilary Hahn CD in the old stereo and try to forget the pain. Yeah that sounds good. Just dream of me and Hilary down at the beach, running and laughing and dipping our toes in the surf. Man, makes me feel better already. The waves crashing, the seagulls gliding in the distance, the crackling of the fire as she smiles and meets my gaze. Yes, I can almost feel the soothing touch of her fingers as she kneels beside me and gently rubs my aching back...
Ow, damn it. I almost forgot. My aching back! Excuse the early exit but I'm gonna have to catch ya'll next time.
And by the way, what ever happened to Hilary? No journal entries, no new CD's, no concert tours. Don't tell me she's down at the beach with someone else. Oh, how I suffer, how I suffer.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Wonder Of Wonder, Miracle Of Miracles
It must be a California thing, I guess, but still there's nothing quite like coming home after a long Fourth of July weekend and finding that your house hasn't been burnt to the ground. Not that people don't try- believe me they do. In fact it's now 2 days past the Fourth and I'm still going to sleep each night with the sound of a hundred little explosions popping in my ear (along with an occaisional Whistlin' Pete, of course - geez, are they still making those things). Oh well, that's life in the combat zone, I suppose.
One nice little suprise I did come home to was left on my front doorstep courtesy of one of the neighbors kitty cats. Ah yes, what better way to greet the day than to open the front door in the morning and find 10,000 flies buzzing around your head, and then look down at your feet and find a half-eaten carcass of a dead garter snake decaying all over your welcome mat. What a pretty sight that was, I tell ya', and especially nice were the 8 billion ants that were crawling over it and carrying it off piece by tiny little piece.
But then I don't blame the cat (and I think I know which one it was). Cats are just neighborly that way, and though I'd rather not take one side over the other, if I had to choose I'd rather have a cat as a neighbor than a dog any day. I mean other than the occasional dead bird or snake they may leave in the yard, cats generally keep to themselves and don't bark all night or crap all over your lawn, do they? No, that's what dogs are for and that's why I welcome my kitty cat neighbors. In fact, after I buried what was left of the snake I have to admit I even felt a little touched that this cat would think so highly of me that it would want to share it's meal. Well ok, maybe not touched, but at least I appreciated the gesture.
But you didn't come here tonight to hear about that, did you. No, people read blogs to catch up on all the latest tech news, so that's what I'm gonna give you.
Have you heard about this new Yahoo Music service? You haven't? Well great, let me tell you about it. For around $7.00 a month (or $5.00 a month if you sign up for the full year in advance) you can legally access Yahoo's entire library of over 1 million songs and download them to your computer or supported MP3 player. Of course Napster and Real Rhapsody have been offering this same service for a couple of months now, but at over twice the price. Yahoo is clearly trying to undercut the competition and win this market, and to sweeten the deal they're also offering a free 7 day trial for the service.
Naturally I had to check this out.
And that's where my next big suprise came because I've looked at these services in the past and have always been disappointed that my MP3 player was not among the ones supported. I could listen on my computer, but the only way I could take the music with me was to download it to my laptop and then lug that around with me whenever I wanted to listen. But when I looked down Yahoo's list of supported devices what should I spy but my cellphone listed as a supported device.
That's right - my cellphone!
Ah, the good ol' SMT5600 just keeps getting more and more useful everyday. So, to make a long story short, I signed up for the trial, downloaded a few CD's to my cellphone, and bada-bing bada-boom, it works perfectly. Now instead of having to carry around a MP3 player and a cellphone with me wherever I go, I have the option of just loading everything on the phone and leaving the MP3 player at home. I say "option" because there are a couple of drawbacks to this whole scenario.
The first is that my cellphone currently has only 512 MB's of storage on it, and that's because I only have a 512 MB flash memory card (miniSD) installed. Of course I could upgrade to a 1 GB card but the 1 gig miniSD cards are currently hard to find and a little on the expensive side. Still, 512 MB gives me room for about 8 hours of the high quality 192kb music which is enough to get me through the day.
The major drawback with the SMT5600, though, is the lack of a standard headphone jack. Like many phones on the market these days, the SMT uses a 2.5mm submini jack instead of the standard 3.5mm mini jack found on all other types of portable audio devices. Given the multimedia capablilities of this phone that seems like an egregious oversight to me and you'd think that Audiovox would at least offer some type of adapter with the phone so that users could use their high quality headphones with the device, but they don't. Fortuantely Palm One offers such an adapter for their Treo line of PDA phones and it looks like I'll be ordering one of those. In the meantime I'm stuck using the regular headset that Audiovox ships with the unit and although it sounds pretty good, I know my regular headphones would sound much better.
But nothing's perfect and, like I said, the music coming over the regular headset sounds pretty good. I know when I first heard that the wireless companies were going to offer phones with MP3 capabilities I thought the whole idea was pretty lame. I mean c'mon, listening to music on your cellphone - who are they kidding. But now that I'm there and doing it I gotta admit it's pretty cool. A little device that fits in your pocket (or on your belt) that can make phone calls, surf the net (sort of), retrieve your email, take pictures (albeit very poor ones), display pictures, play music, play movies, or perform a hundred other little tasks. I tell ya', it's what the modern world is coming to. Tell me this isn't geek heaven.
And I'm not even a geek.
It must be a California thing, I guess, but still there's nothing quite like coming home after a long Fourth of July weekend and finding that your house hasn't been burnt to the ground. Not that people don't try- believe me they do. In fact it's now 2 days past the Fourth and I'm still going to sleep each night with the sound of a hundred little explosions popping in my ear (along with an occaisional Whistlin' Pete, of course - geez, are they still making those things). Oh well, that's life in the combat zone, I suppose.
One nice little suprise I did come home to was left on my front doorstep courtesy of one of the neighbors kitty cats. Ah yes, what better way to greet the day than to open the front door in the morning and find 10,000 flies buzzing around your head, and then look down at your feet and find a half-eaten carcass of a dead garter snake decaying all over your welcome mat. What a pretty sight that was, I tell ya', and especially nice were the 8 billion ants that were crawling over it and carrying it off piece by tiny little piece.
But then I don't blame the cat (and I think I know which one it was). Cats are just neighborly that way, and though I'd rather not take one side over the other, if I had to choose I'd rather have a cat as a neighbor than a dog any day. I mean other than the occasional dead bird or snake they may leave in the yard, cats generally keep to themselves and don't bark all night or crap all over your lawn, do they? No, that's what dogs are for and that's why I welcome my kitty cat neighbors. In fact, after I buried what was left of the snake I have to admit I even felt a little touched that this cat would think so highly of me that it would want to share it's meal. Well ok, maybe not touched, but at least I appreciated the gesture.
But you didn't come here tonight to hear about that, did you. No, people read blogs to catch up on all the latest tech news, so that's what I'm gonna give you.
Have you heard about this new Yahoo Music service? You haven't? Well great, let me tell you about it. For around $7.00 a month (or $5.00 a month if you sign up for the full year in advance) you can legally access Yahoo's entire library of over 1 million songs and download them to your computer or supported MP3 player. Of course Napster and Real Rhapsody have been offering this same service for a couple of months now, but at over twice the price. Yahoo is clearly trying to undercut the competition and win this market, and to sweeten the deal they're also offering a free 7 day trial for the service.
Naturally I had to check this out.
And that's where my next big suprise came because I've looked at these services in the past and have always been disappointed that my MP3 player was not among the ones supported. I could listen on my computer, but the only way I could take the music with me was to download it to my laptop and then lug that around with me whenever I wanted to listen. But when I looked down Yahoo's list of supported devices what should I spy but my cellphone listed as a supported device.
That's right - my cellphone!
Ah, the good ol' SMT5600 just keeps getting more and more useful everyday. So, to make a long story short, I signed up for the trial, downloaded a few CD's to my cellphone, and bada-bing bada-boom, it works perfectly. Now instead of having to carry around a MP3 player and a cellphone with me wherever I go, I have the option of just loading everything on the phone and leaving the MP3 player at home. I say "option" because there are a couple of drawbacks to this whole scenario.
The first is that my cellphone currently has only 512 MB's of storage on it, and that's because I only have a 512 MB flash memory card (miniSD) installed. Of course I could upgrade to a 1 GB card but the 1 gig miniSD cards are currently hard to find and a little on the expensive side. Still, 512 MB gives me room for about 8 hours of the high quality 192kb music which is enough to get me through the day.
The major drawback with the SMT5600, though, is the lack of a standard headphone jack. Like many phones on the market these days, the SMT uses a 2.5mm submini jack instead of the standard 3.5mm mini jack found on all other types of portable audio devices. Given the multimedia capablilities of this phone that seems like an egregious oversight to me and you'd think that Audiovox would at least offer some type of adapter with the phone so that users could use their high quality headphones with the device, but they don't. Fortuantely Palm One offers such an adapter for their Treo line of PDA phones and it looks like I'll be ordering one of those. In the meantime I'm stuck using the regular headset that Audiovox ships with the unit and although it sounds pretty good, I know my regular headphones would sound much better.
But nothing's perfect and, like I said, the music coming over the regular headset sounds pretty good. I know when I first heard that the wireless companies were going to offer phones with MP3 capabilities I thought the whole idea was pretty lame. I mean c'mon, listening to music on your cellphone - who are they kidding. But now that I'm there and doing it I gotta admit it's pretty cool. A little device that fits in your pocket (or on your belt) that can make phone calls, surf the net (sort of), retrieve your email, take pictures (albeit very poor ones), display pictures, play music, play movies, or perform a hundred other little tasks. I tell ya', it's what the modern world is coming to. Tell me this isn't geek heaven.
And I'm not even a geek.
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