Well it's Halloween night and only 7 days till election day, and I don't know what's more frightening - the thought of all those ghosts and goblins or the thought of who might be running the country for the next couple of years.
Aiiieeeeeeeeee!!!!!
Here in California it's gonna be a pretty quiet election. We don't really have many Congressional or Senatorial seats in play, so we're just gonna watch what happens in the rest of the country. That seems to happen a lot out here lately. Last election everything was so tied up in advance that the presidential candidates didn't even hardly make the effort to come out here. Kind of makes you feel left out.
Anyways, all the pundits and pollsters are looking for Democrats to win big this year. Of course, these are the same pundits and pollsters who looked at the exit polls and predicted a John Kerry win back in 2004 (remember that?), so I don't know if the Dems really have anything to feel cocky about. But so far things are looking pretty good for the Democrats, so unless some Democratic big shot does something stupid like insult our troops they shouldn't have any problems.
Oops, wait a minute...
Oh those Democrats. A week to go before the election and some big liberal from back east goes and sticks his foot in it by saying that the soldiers serving in Iraq are there because they were too dumb to get into college. Wouldn't you know it. All they had to do was keep their big mouths shut and stick with the anti-Bush stuff and they were in, but nooooooooo...
On the other hand, I'm sure the Republicans will cut the Democrats some slack on this. I'm sure they won't try to capitalize on this opportunity to switch the focus of the election from the Iraq War to John Kerry and his put-down of American soldiers who are currently fighting and dying for their country. I'm sure the Republicans will be happy to let the whole thing blow over and not try to cut into the pre-election momentum of the Democrats. After all, these are politicians; these are honorable men and women. They wouldn't resort to anything so underhanded.
Would they?
Luckily for the Dems, though, there are only 7 days left till the election so if they can spin this thing right they should be able to minimize the damage. From what I've heard so far it looks like they're going with the "Well if Bush hadn't gotten us into this war then Kerry never would have made such an asinine remark in the first place" argument. Might work, I suppose. Maybe it'll even motivate their base which, I guess, seems to think we've got a bunch of illeterate goons over there fighting this war. I wouldn't count on it , though, and I wouldn't be suprised to see those poll numbers tighten up a little over the next 7 days.
We'll see.
Meanwhile, back here in California the only real issues left to decide are the usual thousand and one ballot propositions we have to deal with every election. This years voter pamphlet (for those who care) clocks in at a svelte 191 pages, and so far I've managed to make my way through to about page 41.
The really big issue this time around seems to be Proposition 87 - the "Alternative Energy, Research, Production, Incentives, Tax on California Oil Producers Initiative Constitutional Amendment and Statute". So far we've had the oil companies flooding with airwaves with anti-87 ads, and a couple of big Democratic guns named Gore and Clinton answering back with ads of their own. Obviously, it's a big deal, and pretty damn confusing when you get right down to it.
If passed, the Constitutional Amendment will tax the state's oil producers and create a $4 billion fund to be used for research and development of alternative energy sources. How all this will be achieved is a little vague, however, and seems to go right to the fundamental difference between the Democratic and Republican views of government. Let me explain.
The way I see it, to a Democrat the $4 billion is like fertilizer, and once spread around there will be sunshine and rainbows and grass and flowers and the whole state will become green with new growth. It'll be like one big money hug. On the other hand, a Republican worries that putting a $4 billion pile of money in front of a bunch of politicians is like putting a pile of raw meat in the sewer. Instead of getting sunshine and flowers all we'll be getting are a bunch of rats and mice and other vermin who will pick up the scent and devour it.
I'm kind of undecided, myself, and wish that the Proposition was a little better on the specifics. Alternative energy doesn't really say much and seems to encompass a lot of things, and I don't want us to find ourselves 2 years down the road reading a story in the paper about some whacko in Chula Vista who got $50 million for some hare-brained scheme to turn rust into kerosine.
I've seen it happen before.
Anyways, I've still got another 7 days to ruminate on it and also get through the other 150 pages of my voter pamphlet, so looks like I'll be busy. Sheesh, I've got some cramming to do.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Every NFL Pregame Show Ever Made
"Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to the NFL Pregame Show. I'm your host Dan Mann here in the studio and joining me, as always, are my co-hosts Rick Razor and Beef Murphy. Good afternoon, gentlemen. Ok, let's get started."
"Ok Dan. Boy do we have some great matchups today."
"Well, let's start off with the matchup that everyone's been talking about. The battle of the two undefeated's - the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
"Dan, here we have a classic meeting between two undefeated teams who are both coming off impressive wins last week and have a lot of momentum going into today's game."
"Let's talk about that Beef. What's your take on today's game."
"Well, I think the story of this game is going to be one of offense versus defense. The Monarch's currently with the league's most explosive offense, and the Kings with the league's stingiest defense."
"Yes but..."
"If you look at last weeks game where the Monarch's scored 750 points against a very good team in the Friendlyville Flies, you have to think that nobody's going to be able to stop them this season. And yet, the Kings have so far held their opponents to just 2 points on the season. Those are impressive numbers."
"You were going to add something Rick?"
"Yes, I was just going to add that while I think the offenses and the defenses will be key in the game today, I think the special teams will have a role to play too."
"What about that King's defense Rick? You've been studying the film."
"What can you say, Dan. The numbers speak for themselves. George Goone has done a wonderful job with that defense this year. Only 2 points allowed through 7 games with 27 of their opponents either killed or injured - this is certainly one tough defense."
"Yet the Monarch's lead the league in offense, Beef. What do you make of that?"
"They do it with players, Dan."
"You mean they have the best players."
"Yes."
"So will the King's be able to stop them?"
"I don't think so. If the King's are going to win today they'll have to put some points on the board."
"I agree with Beef, Dan. The King's have to score points if they want to stay with the Monarchs today. If they can get in the endzone and hold the Kings to under 500 points, then they might have a chance."
"Then I take it you're both picking the Monarchs to win this one."
"If the Kings can get some pressure on the passer and control the line of scrimmage, then they could pull this off. But I just don't see that happening."
"I'd have to agree with Rick on that, though I think if their defense can manage to put a few of the Monarchs in the hospital, that would certainly take some of the pressure off of their offense. Otherwise, I think it could be a long day."
"Ok, when we come back we'll speak with King's coach Monte Jones and ask him his thoughts on today's game. And later we'll have a serious journalistic piece that's sure to stir some controversy. But first, these messages."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commercial)
"Welcome back. Monte Jones took over the coaching duties for the Kalawaza King's last season, and after getting off to a slow start has managed to put together a winning program based largely on defense and good players. Last week our Terence Tout sat down to have a few words with the coach."
"Monte Jones, welcome. Two seasons ago the King's had a dismal 1 and 15 record. Since you took over, however, their record has improved to 15 and 7 over the past season and a half. How do you account for the amazing turnaround you've seen in this team?"
"Well, a lot of it had to do with getting rid of lousy players and replacing them with ones who could play."
"Then you credit the players for making the difference?"
"Well, hell yeah. Who else am I going to credit? The cheerleaders?"
"What about your quarterback? Is there a quarterback controversy in Kalawaza?"
"No. Peters is my guy and it's his job to lead this team."
"What about today's game? What's your game plan against the Monarchs and do you mind if we broadcast it on national TV?"
"Our game plan is to control the line of scrimmage and make big plays. If we can do that then we have a chance to win this game."
"Are the players ready?"
"No, but rather than postpone the game I figure we'll just go ahead and play it anyways."
"Thank you Coach. Dan, back to you."
"Thanks Terence. Well guys, what do you think?"
"I think the coach is right, Dan. You can't postpone the game, so you're best off just playing it as scheduled."
"Well we'll see if that strategy pays off. Now we're going to break away from this shallow jock talk for while and do our serious journalistic segment. Jeffrey Payne, what controversial topic do you have for us today?"
"Dan, as you know Monarch's linebacker Thug Thomas was arrested last week on charges of murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President. Last week I talked to some of the people involved to get some idea on what happened and what it means for Thug's future. Here's what I found."
Wastewater, Illinois. When Thug Thomas first tried out for the Wastewater High Varsity Football Team the coaches knew they had something special. Coach Greg Johnson -
"Thug was something special."
So how did this 3 sport golden boy with such a bright future end up before a Mungoville Judge last week charged with murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President? We sat down with Thug and asked him that question
"I don't know. I just got in the car. I didn't know they were going to do that stuff."
"They", as we now know, were the Syrian Terrorist Group Al Aquilyou.
"They were just guys, you know, hanging out. They seemed alright to me. I didn't know they were terrorists or anything like that."
Unfortunately for Thug, the FBI had been investigating the terrorist group for months, and last week they raided the groups headquarters where they found guns, drugs, photographs and plans to assisinate the President. Thug surrendered to the authorities the following day and was arraigned last week. If convicted, he could be facing 300 years in prison.
"A very hard-hitting piece, Jeffrey, but tell me something. Where's the NFL in all this? Have they made any special statements on the matter?"
"No, nothing official Dan, but my sources tell me that they are very concerned not only for Thug but for his family as well. As you know these are very serious charges and we can't rule out fines and even a possible suspension if they prove to be true."
"Jeffrey Payne, thank you. We'll be sure to follow this story as the season goes along. Right now, though, let's go out to Diet Pepsi stadium and our announcers for todays game, Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki. Gentlemen, what's the situation out there?"
"The fans have been waiting all week for this game, Dan, and there's a lot of excitement in the stadium today. We talked to the coaches and the players in the locker room and they seem to be excited too. As you can see the weather is perfect and it should be a great game today."
"Any last minute changes we should know about?"
"No."
"Ok. Well we're just minutes away from kickoff so we'll be getting back to you soon."
"Ok Dan."
"That was Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki out at Diet Pepsi Stadium getting ready to bring you all the play-by-play action. And we'll be back to wrap things up right after this."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commerical, NFL Public Service Announcement about NFL players working with teachers and parents to combat toe fungus in school locker rooms)
"Dan Mann back here in the studio with Rick Razor and Beef Murphy, and a reminder to stay tuned for the NFL Halftime Report and the NFL Postgame Report where we'll bring all the scores and highlights of today's games. Until then, enjoy the game everybody. Now let's go out to Diet Pepsi Stadium for the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
"Ok Dan. Boy do we have some great matchups today."
"Well, let's start off with the matchup that everyone's been talking about. The battle of the two undefeated's - the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
"Dan, here we have a classic meeting between two undefeated teams who are both coming off impressive wins last week and have a lot of momentum going into today's game."
"Let's talk about that Beef. What's your take on today's game."
"Well, I think the story of this game is going to be one of offense versus defense. The Monarch's currently with the league's most explosive offense, and the Kings with the league's stingiest defense."
"Yes but..."
"If you look at last weeks game where the Monarch's scored 750 points against a very good team in the Friendlyville Flies, you have to think that nobody's going to be able to stop them this season. And yet, the Kings have so far held their opponents to just 2 points on the season. Those are impressive numbers."
"You were going to add something Rick?"
"Yes, I was just going to add that while I think the offenses and the defenses will be key in the game today, I think the special teams will have a role to play too."
"What about that King's defense Rick? You've been studying the film."
"What can you say, Dan. The numbers speak for themselves. George Goone has done a wonderful job with that defense this year. Only 2 points allowed through 7 games with 27 of their opponents either killed or injured - this is certainly one tough defense."
"Yet the Monarch's lead the league in offense, Beef. What do you make of that?"
"They do it with players, Dan."
"You mean they have the best players."
"Yes."
"So will the King's be able to stop them?"
"I don't think so. If the King's are going to win today they'll have to put some points on the board."
"I agree with Beef, Dan. The King's have to score points if they want to stay with the Monarchs today. If they can get in the endzone and hold the Kings to under 500 points, then they might have a chance."
"Then I take it you're both picking the Monarchs to win this one."
"If the Kings can get some pressure on the passer and control the line of scrimmage, then they could pull this off. But I just don't see that happening."
"I'd have to agree with Rick on that, though I think if their defense can manage to put a few of the Monarchs in the hospital, that would certainly take some of the pressure off of their offense. Otherwise, I think it could be a long day."
"Ok, when we come back we'll speak with King's coach Monte Jones and ask him his thoughts on today's game. And later we'll have a serious journalistic piece that's sure to stir some controversy. But first, these messages."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commercial)
"Welcome back. Monte Jones took over the coaching duties for the Kalawaza King's last season, and after getting off to a slow start has managed to put together a winning program based largely on defense and good players. Last week our Terence Tout sat down to have a few words with the coach."
"Monte Jones, welcome. Two seasons ago the King's had a dismal 1 and 15 record. Since you took over, however, their record has improved to 15 and 7 over the past season and a half. How do you account for the amazing turnaround you've seen in this team?"
"Well, a lot of it had to do with getting rid of lousy players and replacing them with ones who could play."
"Then you credit the players for making the difference?"
"Well, hell yeah. Who else am I going to credit? The cheerleaders?"
"What about your quarterback? Is there a quarterback controversy in Kalawaza?"
"No. Peters is my guy and it's his job to lead this team."
"What about today's game? What's your game plan against the Monarchs and do you mind if we broadcast it on national TV?"
"Our game plan is to control the line of scrimmage and make big plays. If we can do that then we have a chance to win this game."
"Are the players ready?"
"No, but rather than postpone the game I figure we'll just go ahead and play it anyways."
"Thank you Coach. Dan, back to you."
"Thanks Terence. Well guys, what do you think?"
"I think the coach is right, Dan. You can't postpone the game, so you're best off just playing it as scheduled."
"Well we'll see if that strategy pays off. Now we're going to break away from this shallow jock talk for while and do our serious journalistic segment. Jeffrey Payne, what controversial topic do you have for us today?"
"Dan, as you know Monarch's linebacker Thug Thomas was arrested last week on charges of murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President. Last week I talked to some of the people involved to get some idea on what happened and what it means for Thug's future. Here's what I found."
Wastewater, Illinois. When Thug Thomas first tried out for the Wastewater High Varsity Football Team the coaches knew they had something special. Coach Greg Johnson -
"Thug was something special."
So how did this 3 sport golden boy with such a bright future end up before a Mungoville Judge last week charged with murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President? We sat down with Thug and asked him that question
"I don't know. I just got in the car. I didn't know they were going to do that stuff."
"They", as we now know, were the Syrian Terrorist Group Al Aquilyou.
"They were just guys, you know, hanging out. They seemed alright to me. I didn't know they were terrorists or anything like that."
Unfortunately for Thug, the FBI had been investigating the terrorist group for months, and last week they raided the groups headquarters where they found guns, drugs, photographs and plans to assisinate the President. Thug surrendered to the authorities the following day and was arraigned last week. If convicted, he could be facing 300 years in prison.
"A very hard-hitting piece, Jeffrey, but tell me something. Where's the NFL in all this? Have they made any special statements on the matter?"
"No, nothing official Dan, but my sources tell me that they are very concerned not only for Thug but for his family as well. As you know these are very serious charges and we can't rule out fines and even a possible suspension if they prove to be true."
"Jeffrey Payne, thank you. We'll be sure to follow this story as the season goes along. Right now, though, let's go out to Diet Pepsi stadium and our announcers for todays game, Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki. Gentlemen, what's the situation out there?"
"The fans have been waiting all week for this game, Dan, and there's a lot of excitement in the stadium today. We talked to the coaches and the players in the locker room and they seem to be excited too. As you can see the weather is perfect and it should be a great game today."
"Any last minute changes we should know about?"
"No."
"Ok. Well we're just minutes away from kickoff so we'll be getting back to you soon."
"Ok Dan."
"That was Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki out at Diet Pepsi Stadium getting ready to bring you all the play-by-play action. And we'll be back to wrap things up right after this."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commerical, NFL Public Service Announcement about NFL players working with teachers and parents to combat toe fungus in school locker rooms)
"Dan Mann back here in the studio with Rick Razor and Beef Murphy, and a reminder to stay tuned for the NFL Halftime Report and the NFL Postgame Report where we'll bring all the scores and highlights of today's games. Until then, enjoy the game everybody. Now let's go out to Diet Pepsi Stadium for the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
Every NFL Pregame Show Ever Made
"Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to the NFL Pregame Show. I'm your host Dan Mann here in the studio and joining me, as always, are my co-hosts Rick Razor and Beef Murphy. Good afternoon, gentlemen. Ok, let's get started."
"Ok Dan. Boy do we have some great matchups today."
"Well, let's start off with the matchup that everyone's been talking about. The battle of the two undefeated's - the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
"Dan, here we have a classic meeting between two undefeated teams who are both coming off impressive wins last week and have a lot of momentum going into today's game."
"Let's talk about that Beef. What's your take on today's game."
"Well, I think the story of this game is going to be one of offense versus defense. The Monarch's currently with the league's most explosive offense, and the Kings with the league's stingiest defense."
"Yes but..."
"If you look at last weeks game where the Monarch's scored 750 points against a very good team in the Friendlyville Flies, you have to think that nobody's going to be able to stop them this season. And yet, the Kings have so far held their opponents to just 2 points on the season. Those are impressive numbers."
"You were going to add something Rick?"
"Yes, I was just going to add that while I think the offenses and the defenses will be key in the game today, I think the special teams will have a role to play too."
"What about that King's defense Rick? You've been studying the film."
"What can you say, Dan. The numbers speak for themselves. George Goone has done a wonderful job with that defense this year. Only 2 points allowed through 7 games with 27 of their opponents either killed or injured - this is certainly one tough defense."
"Yet the Monarch's lead the league in offense, Beef. What do you make of that?"
"They do it with players, Dan."
"You mean they have the best players."
"Yes."
"So will the King's be able to stop them?"
"I don't think so. If the King's are going to win today they'll have to put some points on the board."
"I agree with Beef, Dan. The King's have to score points if they want to stay with the Monarchs today. If they can get in the endzone and hold the Kings to under 500 points, then they might have a chance."
"Then I take it you're both picking the Monarchs to win this one."
"If the Kings can get some pressure on the passer and control the line of scrimmage, then they could pull this off. But I just don't see that happening."
"I'd have to agree with Rick on that, though I think if their defense can manage to put a few of the Monarchs in the hospital, that would certainly take some of the pressure off of their offense. Otherwise, I think it could be a long day."
"Ok, when we come back we'll speak with King's coach Monte Jones and ask him his thoughts on today's game. And later we'll have a serious journalistic piece that's sure to stir some controversy. But first, these messages."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commercial)
"Welcome back. Monte Jones took over the coaching duties for the Kalawaza King's last season, and after getting off to a slow start has managed to put together a winning program based largely on defense and good players. Last week our Terence Tout sat down to have a few words with the coach."
"Monte Jones, welcome. Two seasons ago the King's had a dismal 1 and 15 record. Since you took over, however, their record has improved to 15 and 7 over the past season and a half. How do you account for the amazing turnaround you've seen in this team?"
"Well, a lot of it had to do with getting rid of lousy players and replacing them with ones who could play."
"Then you credit the players for making the difference?"
"Well, hell yeah. Who else am I going to credit? The cheerleaders?"
"What about your quarterback? Is there a quarterback controversy in Kalawaza?"
"No. Peters is my guy and it's his job to lead this team."
"What about today's game? What's your game plan against the Monarchs and do you mind if we broadcast it on national TV?"
"Our game plan is to control the line of scrimmage and make big plays. If we can do that then we have a chance to win this game."
"Are the players ready?"
"No, but rather than postpone the game I figure we'll just go ahead and play it anyways."
"Thank you Coach. Dan, back to you."
"Thanks Terence. Well guys, what do you think?"
"I think the coach is right, Dan. You can't postpone the game, so you're best off just playing it as scheduled."
"Well we'll see if that strategy pays off. Now we're going to break away from this shallow jock talk for while and do our serious journalistic segment. Jeffrey Payne, what controversial topic do you have for us today?"
"Dan, as you know Monarch's linebacker Thug Thomas was arrested last week on charges of murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President. Last week I talked to some of the people involved to get some idea on what happened and what it means for Thug's future. Here's what I found."
Wastewater, Illinois. When Thug Thomas first tried out for the Wastewater High Varsity Football Team the coaches knew they had something special. Coach Greg Johnson -
"Thug was something special."
So how did this 3 sport golden boy with such a bright future end up before a Mungoville Judge last week charged with murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President? We sat down with Thug and asked him that question
"I don't know. I just got in the car. I didn't know they were going to do that stuff."
"They", as we now know, were the Syrian Terrorist Group Al Aquilyou.
"They were just guys, you know, hanging out. They seemed alright to me. I didn't know they were terrorists or anything like that."
Unfortunately for Thug, the FBI had been investigating the terrorist group for months, and last week they raided the groups headquarters where they found guns, drugs, photographs and plans to assisinate the President. Thug surrendered to the authorities the following day and was arraigned last week. If convicted, he could be facing 300 years in prison.
"A very hard-hitting piece, Jeffrey, but tell me something. Where's the NFL in all this? Have they made any special statements on the matter?"
"No, nothing official Dan, but my sources tell me that they are very concerned not only for Thug but for his family as well. As you know these are very serious charges and we can't rule out fines and even a possible suspension if they prove to be true."
"Jeffrey Payne, thank you. We'll be sure to follow this story as the season goes along. Right now, though, let's go out to Diet Pepsi stadium and our announcers for todays game, Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki. Gentlemen, what's the situation out there?"
"The fans have been waiting all week for this game, Dan, and there's a lot of excitement in the stadium today. We talked to the coaches and the players in the locker room and they seem to be excited too. As you can see the weather is perfect and it should be a great game today."
"Any last minute changes we should know about?"
"No."
"Ok. Well we're just minutes away from kickoff so we'll be getting back to you soon."
"Ok Dan."
"That was Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki out at Diet Pepsi Stadium getting ready to bring you all the play-by-play action. And we'll be back to wrap things up right after this."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commerical, NFL Public Service Announcement about NFL players working with teachers and parents to combat toe fungus in school locker rooms)
"Dan Mann back here in the studio with Rick Razor and Beef Murphy, and a reminder to stay tuned for the NFL Halftime Report and the NFL Postgame Report where we'll bring all the scores and highlights of today's games. Until then, enjoy the game everybody. Now let's go out to Diet Pepsi Stadium for the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
"Ok Dan. Boy do we have some great matchups today."
"Well, let's start off with the matchup that everyone's been talking about. The battle of the two undefeated's - the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
"Dan, here we have a classic meeting between two undefeated teams who are both coming off impressive wins last week and have a lot of momentum going into today's game."
"Let's talk about that Beef. What's your take on today's game."
"Well, I think the story of this game is going to be one of offense versus defense. The Monarch's currently with the league's most explosive offense, and the Kings with the league's stingiest defense."
"Yes but..."
"If you look at last weeks game where the Monarch's scored 750 points against a very good team in the Friendlyville Flies, you have to think that nobody's going to be able to stop them this season. And yet, the Kings have so far held their opponents to just 2 points on the season. Those are impressive numbers."
"You were going to add something Rick?"
"Yes, I was just going to add that while I think the offenses and the defenses will be key in the game today, I think the special teams will have a role to play too."
"What about that King's defense Rick? You've been studying the film."
"What can you say, Dan. The numbers speak for themselves. George Goone has done a wonderful job with that defense this year. Only 2 points allowed through 7 games with 27 of their opponents either killed or injured - this is certainly one tough defense."
"Yet the Monarch's lead the league in offense, Beef. What do you make of that?"
"They do it with players, Dan."
"You mean they have the best players."
"Yes."
"So will the King's be able to stop them?"
"I don't think so. If the King's are going to win today they'll have to put some points on the board."
"I agree with Beef, Dan. The King's have to score points if they want to stay with the Monarchs today. If they can get in the endzone and hold the Kings to under 500 points, then they might have a chance."
"Then I take it you're both picking the Monarchs to win this one."
"If the Kings can get some pressure on the passer and control the line of scrimmage, then they could pull this off. But I just don't see that happening."
"I'd have to agree with Rick on that, though I think if their defense can manage to put a few of the Monarchs in the hospital, that would certainly take some of the pressure off of their offense. Otherwise, I think it could be a long day."
"Ok, when we come back we'll speak with King's coach Monte Jones and ask him his thoughts on today's game. And later we'll have a serious journalistic piece that's sure to stir some controversy. But first, these messages."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commercial)
"Welcome back. Monte Jones took over the coaching duties for the Kalawaza King's last season, and after getting off to a slow start has managed to put together a winning program based largely on defense and good players. Last week our Terence Tout sat down to have a few words with the coach."
"Monte Jones, welcome. Two seasons ago the King's had a dismal 1 and 15 record. Since you took over, however, their record has improved to 15 and 7 over the past season and a half. How do you account for the amazing turnaround you've seen in this team?"
"Well, a lot of it had to do with getting rid of lousy players and replacing them with ones who could play."
"Then you credit the players for making the difference?"
"Well, hell yeah. Who else am I going to credit? The cheerleaders?"
"What about your quarterback? Is there a quarterback controversy in Kalawaza?"
"No. Peters is my guy and it's his job to lead this team."
"What about today's game? What's your game plan against the Monarchs and do you mind if we broadcast it on national TV?"
"Our game plan is to control the line of scrimmage and make big plays. If we can do that then we have a chance to win this game."
"Are the players ready?"
"No, but rather than postpone the game I figure we'll just go ahead and play it anyways."
"Thank you Coach. Dan, back to you."
"Thanks Terence. Well guys, what do you think?"
"I think the coach is right, Dan. You can't postpone the game, so you're best off just playing it as scheduled."
"Well we'll see if that strategy pays off. Now we're going to break away from this shallow jock talk for while and do our serious journalistic segment. Jeffrey Payne, what controversial topic do you have for us today?"
"Dan, as you know Monarch's linebacker Thug Thomas was arrested last week on charges of murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President. Last week I talked to some of the people involved to get some idea on what happened and what it means for Thug's future. Here's what I found."
Wastewater, Illinois. When Thug Thomas first tried out for the Wastewater High Varsity Football Team the coaches knew they had something special. Coach Greg Johnson -
"Thug was something special."
So how did this 3 sport golden boy with such a bright future end up before a Mungoville Judge last week charged with murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President? We sat down with Thug and asked him that question
"I don't know. I just got in the car. I didn't know they were going to do that stuff."
"They", as we now know, were the Syrian Terrorist Group Al Aquilyou.
"They were just guys, you know, hanging out. They seemed alright to me. I didn't know they were terrorists or anything like that."
Unfortunately for Thug, the FBI had been investigating the terrorist group for months, and last week they raided the groups headquarters where they found guns, drugs, photographs and plans to assisinate the President. Thug surrendered to the authorities the following day and was arraigned last week. If convicted, he could be facing 300 years in prison.
"A very hard-hitting piece, Jeffrey, but tell me something. Where's the NFL in all this? Have they made any special statements on the matter?"
"No, nothing official Dan, but my sources tell me that they are very concerned not only for Thug but for his family as well. As you know these are very serious charges and we can't rule out fines and even a possible suspension if they prove to be true."
"Jeffrey Payne, thank you. We'll be sure to follow this story as the season goes along. Right now, though, let's go out to Diet Pepsi stadium and our announcers for todays game, Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki. Gentlemen, what's the situation out there?"
"The fans have been waiting all week for this game, Dan, and there's a lot of excitement in the stadium today. We talked to the coaches and the players in the locker room and they seem to be excited too. As you can see the weather is perfect and it should be a great game today."
"Any last minute changes we should know about?"
"No."
"Ok. Well we're just minutes away from kickoff so we'll be getting back to you soon."
"Ok Dan."
"That was Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki out at Diet Pepsi Stadium getting ready to bring you all the play-by-play action. And we'll be back to wrap things up right after this."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commerical, NFL Public Service Announcement about NFL players working with teachers and parents to combat toe fungus in school locker rooms)
"Dan Mann back here in the studio with Rick Razor and Beef Murphy, and a reminder to stay tuned for the NFL Halftime Report and the NFL Postgame Report where we'll bring all the scores and highlights of today's games. Until then, enjoy the game everybody. Now let's go out to Diet Pepsi Stadium for the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
Every NFL Pregame Show Ever Made
"Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to the NFL Pregame Show. I'm your host Dan Mann here in the studio and joining me, as always, are my co-hosts Rick Razor and Beef Murphy. Good afternoon, gentlemen. Ok, let's get started."
"Ok Dan. Boy do we have some great matchups today."
"Well, let's start off with the matchup that everyone's been talking about. The battle of the two undefeated's - the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
"Dan, here we have a classic meeting between two undefeated teams who are both coming off impressive wins last week and have a lot of momentum going into today's game."
"Let's talk about that Beef. What's your take on today's game."
"Well, I think the story of this game is going to be one of offense versus defense. The Monarch's currently with the league's most explosive offense, and the Kings with the league's stingiest defense."
"Yes but..."
"If you look at last weeks game where the Monarch's scored 750 points against a very good team in the Friendlyville Flies, you have to think that nobody's going to be able to stop them this season. And yet, the Kings have so far held their opponents to just 2 points on the season. Those are impressive numbers."
"You were going to add something Rick?"
"Yes, I was just going to add that while I think the offenses and the defenses will be key in the game today, I think the special teams will have a role to play too."
"What about that King's defense Rick? You've been studying the film."
"What can you say, Dan. The numbers speak for themselves. George Goone has done a wonderful job with that defense this year. Only 2 points allowed through 7 games with 27 of their opponents either killed or injured - this is certainly one tough defense."
"Yet the Monarch's lead the league in offense, Beef. What do you make of that?"
"They do it with players, Dan."
"You mean they have the best players."
"Yes."
"So will the King's be able to stop them?"
"I don't think so. If the King's are going to win today they'll have to put some points on the board."
"I agree with Beef, Dan. The King's have to score points if they want to stay with the Monarchs today. If they can get in the endzone and hold the Kings to under 500 points, then they might have a chance."
"Then I take it you're both picking the Monarchs to win this one."
"If the Kings can get some pressure on the passer and control the line of scrimmage, then they could pull this off. But I just don't see that happening."
"I'd have to agree with Rick on that, though I think if their defense can manage to put a few of the Monarchs in the hospital, that would certainly take some of the pressure off of their offense. Otherwise, I think it could be a long day."
"Ok, when we come back we'll speak with King's coach Monte Jones and ask him his thoughts on today's game. And later we'll have a serious journalistic piece that's sure to stir some controversy. But first, these messages."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commercial)
"Welcome back. Monte Jones took over the coaching duties for the Kalawaza King's last season, and after getting off to a slow start has managed to put together a winning program based largely on defense and good players. Last week our Terence Tout sat down to have a few words with the coach."
"Monte Jones, welcome. Two seasons ago the King's had a dismal 1 and 15 record. Since you took over, however, their record has improved to 15 and 7 over the past season and a half. How do you account for the amazing turnaround you've seen in this team?"
"Well, a lot of it had to do with getting rid of lousy players and replacing them with ones who could play."
"Then you credit the players for making the difference?"
"Well, hell yeah. Who else am I going to credit? The cheerleaders?"
"What about your quarterback? Is there a quarterback controversy in Kalawaza?"
"No. Peters is my guy and it's his job to lead this team."
"What about today's game? What's your game plan against the Monarchs and do you mind if we broadcast it on national TV?"
"Our game plan is to control the line of scrimmage and make big plays. If we can do that then we have a chance to win this game."
"Are the players ready?"
"No, but rather than postpone the game I figure we'll just go ahead and play it anyways."
"Thank you Coach. Dan, back to you."
"Thanks Terence. Well guys, what do you think?"
"I think the coach is right, Dan. You can't postpone the game, so you're best off just playing it as scheduled."
"Well we'll see if that strategy pays off. Now we're going to break away from this shallow jock talk for while and do our serious journalistic segment. Jeffrey Payne, what controversial topic do you have for us today?"
"Dan, as you know Monarch's linebacker Thug Thomas was arrested last week on charges of murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President. Last week I talked to some of the people involved to get some idea on what happened and what it means for Thug's future. Here's what I found."
Wastewater, Illinois. When Thug Thomas first tried out for the Wastewater High Varsity Football Team the coaches knew they had something special. Coach Greg Johnson -
"Thug was something special."
So how did this 3 sport golden boy with such a bright future end up before a Mungoville Judge last week charged with murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President? We sat down with Thug and asked him that question
"I don't know. I just got in the car. I didn't know they were going to do that stuff."
"They", as we now know, were the Syrian Terrorist Group Al Aquilyou.
"They were just guys, you know, hanging out. They seemed alright to me. I didn't know they were terrorists or anything like that."
Unfortunately for Thug, the FBI had been investigating the terrorist group for months, and last week they raided the groups headquarters where they found guns, drugs, photographs and plans to assisinate the President. Thug surrendered to the authorities the following day and was arraigned last week. If convicted, he could be facing 300 years in prison.
"A very hard-hitting piece, Jeffrey, but tell me something. Where's the NFL in all this? Have they made any special statements on the matter?"
"No, nothing official Dan, but my sources tell me that they are very concerned not only for Thug but for his family as well. As you know these are very serious charges and we can't rule out fines and even a possible suspension if they prove to be true."
"Jeffrey Payne, thank you. We'll be sure to follow this story as the season goes along. Right now, though, let's go out to Diet Pepsi stadium and our announcers for todays game, Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki. Gentlemen, what's the situation out there?"
"The fans have been waiting all week for this game, Dan, and there's a lot of excitement in the stadium today. We talked to the coaches and the players in the locker room and they seem to be excited too. As you can see the weather is perfect and it should be a great game today."
"Any last minute changes we should know about?"
"No."
"Ok. Well we're just minutes away from kickoff so we'll be getting back to you soon."
"Ok Dan."
"That was Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki out at Diet Pepsi Stadium getting ready to bring you all the play-by-play action. And we'll be back to wrap things up right after this."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commerical, NFL Public Service Announcement about NFL players working with teachers and parents to combat toe fungus in school locker rooms)
"Dan Mann back here in the studio with Rick Razor and Beef Murphy, and a reminder to stay tuned for the NFL Halftime Report and the NFL Postgame Report where we'll bring all the scores and highlights of today's games. Until then, enjoy the game everybody. Now let's go out to Diet Pepsi Stadium for the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
"Ok Dan. Boy do we have some great matchups today."
"Well, let's start off with the matchup that everyone's been talking about. The battle of the two undefeated's - the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
"Dan, here we have a classic meeting between two undefeated teams who are both coming off impressive wins last week and have a lot of momentum going into today's game."
"Let's talk about that Beef. What's your take on today's game."
"Well, I think the story of this game is going to be one of offense versus defense. The Monarch's currently with the league's most explosive offense, and the Kings with the league's stingiest defense."
"Yes but..."
"If you look at last weeks game where the Monarch's scored 750 points against a very good team in the Friendlyville Flies, you have to think that nobody's going to be able to stop them this season. And yet, the Kings have so far held their opponents to just 2 points on the season. Those are impressive numbers."
"You were going to add something Rick?"
"Yes, I was just going to add that while I think the offenses and the defenses will be key in the game today, I think the special teams will have a role to play too."
"What about that King's defense Rick? You've been studying the film."
"What can you say, Dan. The numbers speak for themselves. George Goone has done a wonderful job with that defense this year. Only 2 points allowed through 7 games with 27 of their opponents either killed or injured - this is certainly one tough defense."
"Yet the Monarch's lead the league in offense, Beef. What do you make of that?"
"They do it with players, Dan."
"You mean they have the best players."
"Yes."
"So will the King's be able to stop them?"
"I don't think so. If the King's are going to win today they'll have to put some points on the board."
"I agree with Beef, Dan. The King's have to score points if they want to stay with the Monarchs today. If they can get in the endzone and hold the Kings to under 500 points, then they might have a chance."
"Then I take it you're both picking the Monarchs to win this one."
"If the Kings can get some pressure on the passer and control the line of scrimmage, then they could pull this off. But I just don't see that happening."
"I'd have to agree with Rick on that, though I think if their defense can manage to put a few of the Monarchs in the hospital, that would certainly take some of the pressure off of their offense. Otherwise, I think it could be a long day."
"Ok, when we come back we'll speak with King's coach Monte Jones and ask him his thoughts on today's game. And later we'll have a serious journalistic piece that's sure to stir some controversy. But first, these messages."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commercial)
"Welcome back. Monte Jones took over the coaching duties for the Kalawaza King's last season, and after getting off to a slow start has managed to put together a winning program based largely on defense and good players. Last week our Terence Tout sat down to have a few words with the coach."
"Monte Jones, welcome. Two seasons ago the King's had a dismal 1 and 15 record. Since you took over, however, their record has improved to 15 and 7 over the past season and a half. How do you account for the amazing turnaround you've seen in this team?"
"Well, a lot of it had to do with getting rid of lousy players and replacing them with ones who could play."
"Then you credit the players for making the difference?"
"Well, hell yeah. Who else am I going to credit? The cheerleaders?"
"What about your quarterback? Is there a quarterback controversy in Kalawaza?"
"No. Peters is my guy and it's his job to lead this team."
"What about today's game? What's your game plan against the Monarchs and do you mind if we broadcast it on national TV?"
"Our game plan is to control the line of scrimmage and make big plays. If we can do that then we have a chance to win this game."
"Are the players ready?"
"No, but rather than postpone the game I figure we'll just go ahead and play it anyways."
"Thank you Coach. Dan, back to you."
"Thanks Terence. Well guys, what do you think?"
"I think the coach is right, Dan. You can't postpone the game, so you're best off just playing it as scheduled."
"Well we'll see if that strategy pays off. Now we're going to break away from this shallow jock talk for while and do our serious journalistic segment. Jeffrey Payne, what controversial topic do you have for us today?"
"Dan, as you know Monarch's linebacker Thug Thomas was arrested last week on charges of murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President. Last week I talked to some of the people involved to get some idea on what happened and what it means for Thug's future. Here's what I found."
Wastewater, Illinois. When Thug Thomas first tried out for the Wastewater High Varsity Football Team the coaches knew they had something special. Coach Greg Johnson -
"Thug was something special."
So how did this 3 sport golden boy with such a bright future end up before a Mungoville Judge last week charged with murder, rape, sodomy, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, and plotting to assisinate the President? We sat down with Thug and asked him that question
"I don't know. I just got in the car. I didn't know they were going to do that stuff."
"They", as we now know, were the Syrian Terrorist Group Al Aquilyou.
"They were just guys, you know, hanging out. They seemed alright to me. I didn't know they were terrorists or anything like that."
Unfortunately for Thug, the FBI had been investigating the terrorist group for months, and last week they raided the groups headquarters where they found guns, drugs, photographs and plans to assisinate the President. Thug surrendered to the authorities the following day and was arraigned last week. If convicted, he could be facing 300 years in prison.
"A very hard-hitting piece, Jeffrey, but tell me something. Where's the NFL in all this? Have they made any special statements on the matter?"
"No, nothing official Dan, but my sources tell me that they are very concerned not only for Thug but for his family as well. As you know these are very serious charges and we can't rule out fines and even a possible suspension if they prove to be true."
"Jeffrey Payne, thank you. We'll be sure to follow this story as the season goes along. Right now, though, let's go out to Diet Pepsi stadium and our announcers for todays game, Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki. Gentlemen, what's the situation out there?"
"The fans have been waiting all week for this game, Dan, and there's a lot of excitement in the stadium today. We talked to the coaches and the players in the locker room and they seem to be excited too. As you can see the weather is perfect and it should be a great game today."
"Any last minute changes we should know about?"
"No."
"Ok. Well we're just minutes away from kickoff so we'll be getting back to you soon."
"Ok Dan."
"That was Mouth Jensen and Bruiser Bejowczki out at Diet Pepsi Stadium getting ready to bring you all the play-by-play action. And we'll be back to wrap things up right after this."
(beer commercial, razor blade commercial, car commerical, NFL Public Service Announcement about NFL players working with teachers and parents to combat toe fungus in school locker rooms)
"Dan Mann back here in the studio with Rick Razor and Beef Murphy, and a reminder to stay tuned for the NFL Halftime Report and the NFL Postgame Report where we'll bring all the scores and highlights of today's games. Until then, enjoy the game everybody. Now let's go out to Diet Pepsi Stadium for the Mungoville Monarchs and the Kalawaza Kings."
Thursday, October 26, 2006
A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That
With little fanfare, it seems, Tower Records is closing its doors and liquidating its assets. You'd think there be more hue and cry from us old timers, the generation that grew up hanging out at Tower, but the whole affair has produced barely a whimper. Clearly, in this internet driven age when the music buyer can find just about any CD ever produced at Amazon.com or Ebay or at any of a number of downloadable music stores, the idea of buying your CD's at the local retail outlet seems badly outdated.
Not that anyone likes to see other people lose their jobs, but the writing has been on the wall for Tower Records for quite some time now. Anyways, turnabout is fair play and maybe Tower is just getting their due after driving so many small and independent record stores out of business, at least here in the Bay Area. Maybe when we mourn for Tower we should also shed a little tear for Leopold's, and Underground Records, and Banana Records, and the Record Factory as well. All the great record stores are gone now.
But that's all water under the dam. The good news, however, is that Tower is having a liquidation sale. Yep, 25% off everything in the store, which for a music junkie like me means it's time to dust off the credit card and do a little bin surfing. I went down there a couple of days ago and the pickings were pretty slim, but I did manage to pick up one notable CD that I want to tell you about. Yeah, you know what's coming. Just what you've always wanted. Another Dead Cat CD Review!
Leila Josefowicz is a problem for me. On the one hand I read rave reviews of her work, and yet whenever I listen to her she just sounds so average, which can only mean either I'm not listening right or the rest of the world is out of it's frickin' mind. The critics call her Prokofiev brilliant and then I hear it and just can't for the life of me figure out what all the fuss is about. I figure it must have something to do with my lack of musical knowledge or understanding because there's obviously something going on here that's way over my head. Still, I know what I like and I know when I like something enough to want to buy it, and the fact is I don't own any of her CD's. Not unless I can get it at 25% off, that is.
The CD I bought came out last year and was her premier effort for the Warner Classics label. It's called "Leila Josefowicz: Beethoven Ravel Salonen Grey Messiaen". I always like to read the booklet when I buy a new CD, so that was the first thing I did. That's usually a good to idea, especially if some of the pieces are unfamiliar, but not always. For example...
The booklet began with a short little paragraph by Leila which explained absolutely nothing. Hey, that's ok, maybe she's not a word person. The real problem came after that with the piece written by her accompanist John Novacek, who writes prose so thick that it should be sold to the DoD to armor plate their Humvees. If his goal was to make the reader stupid then I guess he succeeded, but if he was trying to provide a little background on the musical selections, then all I can say is "look John, I'm a blogger, not a music professor, ok?" Here's how he explains the Beethoven Violin Sonata No. 10:
"...it's characteristic techniques (ecstatic employment of the trill, rhapsodic digressions, continuity of the multimovement design, fugato), Opus 96 is the first incontrovertible indication of Beethoven's late style."
Oh really? I couldn't have explained it better myself, and frightening as it might seem, I actually understand a little of what you're talking about. Here's John Novacek on the Ravel Violin Sonata in G major:
"...a gentle flute-like melody that falls and rises upon the Lydian mode on G. But for Ravel the antique is not a call to introspection, it is the necessary exotic component of a stylized tonal object."
Exactly what I was thinking, although I would characterize it more as a "stylized tonal doohickey" rather than "object." Anyways, I hate finding this kind of stuff in my CD booklet. If you're writing a college text or academic paper then fine, use the language that suits your audience. But don't put it in a CD booklet, John. C'mon, it's like have a chemistry professor write ad copy for a can of soda. Sure, there are important things we all should know about Potassium Benzoate and Phenylketonurics, but you know most people are just interested in how it tastes,
I'll just mention that there are a couple of other pieces in the booklet as well. One is by Mark Grey which I'll discuss later, and the other is by Esa-Pekka Salonen, current music director of the L.A. Phil. Salonen's piece is actually much better and clearer than Novacek's, and it's too bad he didn't write the entire booklet. Here's Salonen writing about the "Lachen verlernt":
"Lachen verlent is essentially a chaconne, which in this case means that there is a harmonic progression that repeats itself several times."
Now you see John, that wasn't so hard. Salonen introduces a concept, and then explains what it is. Maybe there's something we all can learn from that.
But on to the music itself.
There are 2 CD's in this release. The first contains Olivier Messiaen's Theme and Variations, Ravel's Violin Sonata in G major, and Mark Grey's San Andreas Suite for solo violin. Two glorious successes and a dud, as it turns out. The Messiaen Theme and Variations leads things off and is a very simple piece, actually. It starts out very restless and haunted, and then over the course of a very short 10 minutes or so it resolves itself into something remarkably radiant and peaceful. What I never heard in Josefowicz's playing before I finally heard here, and that is an intensely personal style and close connection to the listener. There is something very soft in her approach, not dynamically soft, not pianissimo(?), but something soft and intimate in the way she expresses herself that works beautifully with this piece. The danger of being that open and intimate with the listener, of course, is that you run the risk of sounding cloying or mawkish, but there's none of that here. It's a very pure sound.
Josefowicz continues next with the Ravel Violin Concerto in G major, a somewhat more familiar piece, and again establishes that same sense of closeness and intimacy. Like the Messiaen, this is also another french piece, and although I never thought about it before, a close, personal touch really brings out a lot of the flowers and colors of french music. Josefowicz has a real feel for that, and I don't think I've ever heard this piece played better. In fact, this is the first time I've heard it played and really loved it. I hope there's more 20th century french music in her recording pipeline.
On the other hand, she might do us all a big, fat favor and never record Mark Grey again. I guess this Mark Grey guy is a friend of hers and he composed his San Andreas Suite especially for her, so there was probably no way she could NOT record it, but man is it boring. It's really nothing more than a 12 minute finger exercise, and a long 12 minutes at that. According to the booklet, Grey composed it on his guitar with the four middle strings tuned the same as the violin. You know what, Mark, it sounds like a piece composed on a guitar with the middle four strings tuned the same as a violin. I don't know. Maybe it's fun to play, but I hated it. Next CD please.
On CD number 2 Josefowicz gives us the Salonen Lachen verlernt for solo violin, the Beethoven Violin Sonata No. 10 in G major, and the Brahms Scherzo in C minor. I don't know how to describe the Lachen verlernt except to describe my reaction to it, so please pardon me if I get a little weird here. Just go with me on this.
When we hear a piece of music being played we are always aware of the sounds being produced, but rarely stop to think about the silence that surrounds those sounds. Miles Davis, the great jazz trumpeter, loved silence and knew how to use silence, but he was an exception to the rule. To me it's always seemed that musicians treat silence as an interval, the period between stopping and and starting, and though aware of its presence, they don't use it the way that Miles did. They aren't as fascinated by those "spaces between notes" the way he was. Silence is almost like the enemy, a big void to be filled, and musicians carefully test and re-test their sound so as not to be swallowed up in the vacancy and vastness of the spaces they occupy.
So what am I getting at. Well, when I listen to Josefowicz play the Lachen verlernt, for some reason I can't help hearing the silence. From the very first time I heard her play it I just got this image in my head of a musician in a silent studio trying to fill that room with sound, and of a constant back and forth struggle between the two forces. The ominous stillness of the room, and the violin desperately trying to breath some life into it. I'm sure if Salonen heard me talk about it like this he'd say I was off my rocker, but that's how the piece sounds to me. And it's fascinating. Lots of virtuoso stuff, of course, but that struggle is what keeps me fascinated. I think it's my favorite piece on the entire CD.
After the Lachen verlent comes the Beethoven Violin Concerto No. 10, and there couldn't be a starker contrast. You leave this silent little room or studio and are instantly transported into Beethoven's world. No silence there, but a few problems instead. As much as I like the 20th century pieces (except for that turd of piece that Mark Grey "composed"), her Beethoven brought me right back to where I was before. Namely, I don't get it.
The first movement is a bad omen in itself because it doesn't seem like Josefowicz and her accompanist John Novacek are working off the same notes. I don't know, I'm no Beethoven scholar, certainly not of John Novacek's calibur, but is the first movement supposed to sound so out of sync? Novacek pounding out the notes while Josefowicz floats in the background? It doesn't sound right to me. Fortunately, they seem to get it back together for the final three movements but I still don't get it. Where Josefowicz sounded so intimate and personal before, she sounds merely average here. That's the same problem I've always had with her. Why is it that something that sounds so average is, in fact, something extraordinary? I'm totally lost here, but I'll keep listening.
The Brahms Scherzo in C minor finishes the CD set and it's perfectly fine. Sort of a lighthearted, joyous little thing that finishes things off quite nicely. Nothing really to say about it, and this post is long enough as it is.
So there you have it. Did anyone actually read all that?
Not that anyone likes to see other people lose their jobs, but the writing has been on the wall for Tower Records for quite some time now. Anyways, turnabout is fair play and maybe Tower is just getting their due after driving so many small and independent record stores out of business, at least here in the Bay Area. Maybe when we mourn for Tower we should also shed a little tear for Leopold's, and Underground Records, and Banana Records, and the Record Factory as well. All the great record stores are gone now.
But that's all water under the dam. The good news, however, is that Tower is having a liquidation sale. Yep, 25% off everything in the store, which for a music junkie like me means it's time to dust off the credit card and do a little bin surfing. I went down there a couple of days ago and the pickings were pretty slim, but I did manage to pick up one notable CD that I want to tell you about. Yeah, you know what's coming. Just what you've always wanted. Another Dead Cat CD Review!
Leila Josefowicz is a problem for me. On the one hand I read rave reviews of her work, and yet whenever I listen to her she just sounds so average, which can only mean either I'm not listening right or the rest of the world is out of it's frickin' mind. The critics call her Prokofiev brilliant and then I hear it and just can't for the life of me figure out what all the fuss is about. I figure it must have something to do with my lack of musical knowledge or understanding because there's obviously something going on here that's way over my head. Still, I know what I like and I know when I like something enough to want to buy it, and the fact is I don't own any of her CD's. Not unless I can get it at 25% off, that is.
The CD I bought came out last year and was her premier effort for the Warner Classics label. It's called "Leila Josefowicz: Beethoven Ravel Salonen Grey Messiaen". I always like to read the booklet when I buy a new CD, so that was the first thing I did. That's usually a good to idea, especially if some of the pieces are unfamiliar, but not always. For example...The booklet began with a short little paragraph by Leila which explained absolutely nothing. Hey, that's ok, maybe she's not a word person. The real problem came after that with the piece written by her accompanist John Novacek, who writes prose so thick that it should be sold to the DoD to armor plate their Humvees. If his goal was to make the reader stupid then I guess he succeeded, but if he was trying to provide a little background on the musical selections, then all I can say is "look John, I'm a blogger, not a music professor, ok?" Here's how he explains the Beethoven Violin Sonata No. 10:
"...it's characteristic techniques (ecstatic employment of the trill, rhapsodic digressions, continuity of the multimovement design, fugato), Opus 96 is the first incontrovertible indication of Beethoven's late style."
Oh really? I couldn't have explained it better myself, and frightening as it might seem, I actually understand a little of what you're talking about. Here's John Novacek on the Ravel Violin Sonata in G major:
"...a gentle flute-like melody that falls and rises upon the Lydian mode on G. But for Ravel the antique is not a call to introspection, it is the necessary exotic component of a stylized tonal object."
Exactly what I was thinking, although I would characterize it more as a "stylized tonal doohickey" rather than "object." Anyways, I hate finding this kind of stuff in my CD booklet. If you're writing a college text or academic paper then fine, use the language that suits your audience. But don't put it in a CD booklet, John. C'mon, it's like have a chemistry professor write ad copy for a can of soda. Sure, there are important things we all should know about Potassium Benzoate and Phenylketonurics, but you know most people are just interested in how it tastes,
I'll just mention that there are a couple of other pieces in the booklet as well. One is by Mark Grey which I'll discuss later, and the other is by Esa-Pekka Salonen, current music director of the L.A. Phil. Salonen's piece is actually much better and clearer than Novacek's, and it's too bad he didn't write the entire booklet. Here's Salonen writing about the "Lachen verlernt":
"Lachen verlent is essentially a chaconne, which in this case means that there is a harmonic progression that repeats itself several times."
Now you see John, that wasn't so hard. Salonen introduces a concept, and then explains what it is. Maybe there's something we all can learn from that.
But on to the music itself.
There are 2 CD's in this release. The first contains Olivier Messiaen's Theme and Variations, Ravel's Violin Sonata in G major, and Mark Grey's San Andreas Suite for solo violin. Two glorious successes and a dud, as it turns out. The Messiaen Theme and Variations leads things off and is a very simple piece, actually. It starts out very restless and haunted, and then over the course of a very short 10 minutes or so it resolves itself into something remarkably radiant and peaceful. What I never heard in Josefowicz's playing before I finally heard here, and that is an intensely personal style and close connection to the listener. There is something very soft in her approach, not dynamically soft, not pianissimo(?), but something soft and intimate in the way she expresses herself that works beautifully with this piece. The danger of being that open and intimate with the listener, of course, is that you run the risk of sounding cloying or mawkish, but there's none of that here. It's a very pure sound.
Josefowicz continues next with the Ravel Violin Concerto in G major, a somewhat more familiar piece, and again establishes that same sense of closeness and intimacy. Like the Messiaen, this is also another french piece, and although I never thought about it before, a close, personal touch really brings out a lot of the flowers and colors of french music. Josefowicz has a real feel for that, and I don't think I've ever heard this piece played better. In fact, this is the first time I've heard it played and really loved it. I hope there's more 20th century french music in her recording pipeline.
On the other hand, she might do us all a big, fat favor and never record Mark Grey again. I guess this Mark Grey guy is a friend of hers and he composed his San Andreas Suite especially for her, so there was probably no way she could NOT record it, but man is it boring. It's really nothing more than a 12 minute finger exercise, and a long 12 minutes at that. According to the booklet, Grey composed it on his guitar with the four middle strings tuned the same as the violin. You know what, Mark, it sounds like a piece composed on a guitar with the middle four strings tuned the same as a violin. I don't know. Maybe it's fun to play, but I hated it. Next CD please.
On CD number 2 Josefowicz gives us the Salonen Lachen verlernt for solo violin, the Beethoven Violin Sonata No. 10 in G major, and the Brahms Scherzo in C minor. I don't know how to describe the Lachen verlernt except to describe my reaction to it, so please pardon me if I get a little weird here. Just go with me on this.
When we hear a piece of music being played we are always aware of the sounds being produced, but rarely stop to think about the silence that surrounds those sounds. Miles Davis, the great jazz trumpeter, loved silence and knew how to use silence, but he was an exception to the rule. To me it's always seemed that musicians treat silence as an interval, the period between stopping and and starting, and though aware of its presence, they don't use it the way that Miles did. They aren't as fascinated by those "spaces between notes" the way he was. Silence is almost like the enemy, a big void to be filled, and musicians carefully test and re-test their sound so as not to be swallowed up in the vacancy and vastness of the spaces they occupy.
So what am I getting at. Well, when I listen to Josefowicz play the Lachen verlernt, for some reason I can't help hearing the silence. From the very first time I heard her play it I just got this image in my head of a musician in a silent studio trying to fill that room with sound, and of a constant back and forth struggle between the two forces. The ominous stillness of the room, and the violin desperately trying to breath some life into it. I'm sure if Salonen heard me talk about it like this he'd say I was off my rocker, but that's how the piece sounds to me. And it's fascinating. Lots of virtuoso stuff, of course, but that struggle is what keeps me fascinated. I think it's my favorite piece on the entire CD.
After the Lachen verlent comes the Beethoven Violin Concerto No. 10, and there couldn't be a starker contrast. You leave this silent little room or studio and are instantly transported into Beethoven's world. No silence there, but a few problems instead. As much as I like the 20th century pieces (except for that turd of piece that Mark Grey "composed"), her Beethoven brought me right back to where I was before. Namely, I don't get it.
The first movement is a bad omen in itself because it doesn't seem like Josefowicz and her accompanist John Novacek are working off the same notes. I don't know, I'm no Beethoven scholar, certainly not of John Novacek's calibur, but is the first movement supposed to sound so out of sync? Novacek pounding out the notes while Josefowicz floats in the background? It doesn't sound right to me. Fortunately, they seem to get it back together for the final three movements but I still don't get it. Where Josefowicz sounded so intimate and personal before, she sounds merely average here. That's the same problem I've always had with her. Why is it that something that sounds so average is, in fact, something extraordinary? I'm totally lost here, but I'll keep listening.
The Brahms Scherzo in C minor finishes the CD set and it's perfectly fine. Sort of a lighthearted, joyous little thing that finishes things off quite nicely. Nothing really to say about it, and this post is long enough as it is.
So there you have it. Did anyone actually read all that?
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Hopefully My Only Post On This Subject
October is fire season in California, and perhaps the worst fire in Northern California history occurred 15 years ago last October 20 just north of here in Oakland California in what was called "The Oakland Fire". That fire, fed by dry, gusting winds and low humidty levels eventually consumed over 15oo acres, destroyed almost 2500 houses, and took 25 lives.
So it should come as no suprise that we Californians start to feel a little nervous when late fall comes around and the humidity levels drop and hot, dry easterlies begin to blow. Which just so happens to be exactly the conditions the Bay Area is experiencing today, and it's also the reason I'm feeling so anxious right now as I look at a billowing cloud of brown smoke blowing southerly across the hilltops just to the east of my house.
Something's burning.
In fact, I'm writing this post right now with my eyes on the computer screen and one ear cocked to the TV to listen for any news. According to the reports, there is a fire is about 5 miles northeast of where I live and there are winds blowing north to south with gusts up to 25 miles an hour. That's good news for me because the fire would have to burn almost due east to threaten the homes in my area. Needless to say, winds can be fickle and shift directions on you and there are still a lot of concerned neighbors around here, although I must say the smoke seems to have died down in the past 10 minutes or so. I don't know if that means the fire has been put out or just that the winds have just changed. I'm hoping it's just a small fire and it's starting to die out because, damn, I don't want the house to burn down.
Ahh, this California living. If you can't handle earthquakes and fire then move somewhere else. Earthquakes you can handle because they're so unpredictable, but fire - you can see it happening and there's nothing you can do about it. Earthquakes happen and then they're over but fires just creep along. Very hard on the nerves.
Wait a minute there's something coming on the news. Ok, the fire has burned 200 acres and 1 house has been damaged. The firefighters say they've got it surrounded, whatever that means. I don't think it means they've got it contained or else they would have said "contained". Besides, with these winds all it takes is a gust of wind to sweep some burning embers over a ridge or into some trees and the whole thing can get out of control in a hurry. In fact when the Oakland fire happened the firefighters thought they had the fire out and were just mopping up when the winds started picking up. As we know now the fire wasn't out and pretty soon the whole hill was on fire.
Oh man, I'm not liking today at all, and the news is another Red Flag alert for tomorrow. Geez, that means more high winds. Sometimes California just sucks.
So it should come as no suprise that we Californians start to feel a little nervous when late fall comes around and the humidity levels drop and hot, dry easterlies begin to blow. Which just so happens to be exactly the conditions the Bay Area is experiencing today, and it's also the reason I'm feeling so anxious right now as I look at a billowing cloud of brown smoke blowing southerly across the hilltops just to the east of my house.
Something's burning.
In fact, I'm writing this post right now with my eyes on the computer screen and one ear cocked to the TV to listen for any news. According to the reports, there is a fire is about 5 miles northeast of where I live and there are winds blowing north to south with gusts up to 25 miles an hour. That's good news for me because the fire would have to burn almost due east to threaten the homes in my area. Needless to say, winds can be fickle and shift directions on you and there are still a lot of concerned neighbors around here, although I must say the smoke seems to have died down in the past 10 minutes or so. I don't know if that means the fire has been put out or just that the winds have just changed. I'm hoping it's just a small fire and it's starting to die out because, damn, I don't want the house to burn down.
Ahh, this California living. If you can't handle earthquakes and fire then move somewhere else. Earthquakes you can handle because they're so unpredictable, but fire - you can see it happening and there's nothing you can do about it. Earthquakes happen and then they're over but fires just creep along. Very hard on the nerves.
Wait a minute there's something coming on the news. Ok, the fire has burned 200 acres and 1 house has been damaged. The firefighters say they've got it surrounded, whatever that means. I don't think it means they've got it contained or else they would have said "contained". Besides, with these winds all it takes is a gust of wind to sweep some burning embers over a ridge or into some trees and the whole thing can get out of control in a hurry. In fact when the Oakland fire happened the firefighters thought they had the fire out and were just mopping up when the winds started picking up. As we know now the fire wasn't out and pretty soon the whole hill was on fire.
Oh man, I'm not liking today at all, and the news is another Red Flag alert for tomorrow. Geez, that means more high winds. Sometimes California just sucks.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Warp Factor Nine
So my Mr. Coffee machine broke down after I had it for about 20 years and I had to go to the store and buy a new one and I was going to get a Senseo because that's what all the podcasters use but I got to the store and the only Senseo they had was this really ugly red one and I wasn't going to pay $70.00 for an ugly Senseo so I bought a Keurig B40 instead since it kind of works the same way and I brought it home and tried it out and it's really neat because instead of just dripping the water through the coffee grounds it uses a pump and forces the water through the grounds which brings out more of the coffee flavor and tastes real good and since I like to drink a big mug of coffee when I drink coffee I made a big mug of coffee even though I had to use two of those little K Cups that the Keurig machine uses and it tasted really good except that it seems like when you pump the water through the coffee grounds you not only get more flavor but you also get more caffeine as well or at least that's the way it seemed because after I drank my mug of coffee I got really really wired and I couldn't sit still so I cleaned the house and worked on the yard and cleaned the gutters and re-painted the living room and put on a new roof and added an extra bedroom and remodeled the kitchen and then I still had all this energy because of all the caffeine that the Keurig machine pumps out of the coffee grounds so I called up the Dalai Lama and asked him if he'd like to discuss world peace and he said sure so I put on my shoes and walked over to Tibet and we discussed like Korea and Iraq and all that stuff and it was really fun and then on the way home I decided to swim across the Pacific Ocean instead of walking back to California and so I did and it was really fun but when I got back I was still really really wired from all the caffeine in that mug of coffee I drank so I decided that in the future I probably shouldn't drink so much coffee if I'm going to use the Keurig machine and so now I drink just regular cups and it's still seems to have a lot more caffeine than the coffee my Mr. Coffee used to make but that's ok because I really love my Keurig B40 and I think you will too.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
A Short Podcasting Primer
We're speaking today with Tony Myers, creator and host of the highly innovative Old Man Radio podcast. Hailed by the critics and winner of numerous awards, Tony Myers has recently put the finishing touches on podcast number 12. He took a few minutes to speak with Dead Cat.
DC: Tony Myers, welcome. What's a podcast?
TM: Well, it's really just an audio file that can be downloaded from the internet.
DC: And played on an Ipod?
TM: No, you don't need an Ipod to play a podcast. You can play them on your computer or any portable audio device, or just burn them to a CD if you want to.
DC: A CD? Can you play CD's on an Ipod?
TM: No, I was just using that as an example. You see you don't need an Ipod to listen to podcasts. There are a number of different ways to listen to them.
DC: What if I don't have an Ipod. Can I still listen to podcasts?
TM: Like I said, you don't need an Ipod to listen to a podcast.
DC: How does that work exactly?
TM: There are a number of different ways to listen to audio files. You can listen to them on a computer, or a...look, never mind.
DC: But if I have an Ipod can I still listen to podcasts?
TM: Yes. Of course you can.
DC: Well I don't have an Ipod but let's say I wanted to listen to podcasts, what kind of an Ipod should I buy?
TM: Can we change the subject?
DC: Is there some special software I need to buy in addition to an Ipod before I can listen to podcasts?
TM: Can we please change the subject? You're starting to annoy me.
DC: Sure, but I just want to be clear on this. If I don't have an Ipod and I want to listen to...
TM: If you ask me one more question about Ipods I swear I'm going to get out of this chair and beat you up.
DC: Fair enough. Let's talk about your podcast. What kind of podcast is it?
TM: It's a music podcast. I don't have much of a life so I like to spend my free time surfin' around the net for free, downloadable music. It's what we like to call "Podsafe" music, meaning that it can be played royalty free on podcasts. When I find something I like I save a copy of it, and every now and then I gather up 6 or 7 of these songs and turn it into a podcast. Where I differ from most of the other music podcasts is that I don't play any headbanger music and I don't stick to any particular genres. I like to call it the best podsafe music from the quiet side of the internet.
DC: Sounds pretty dull to me. Does anybody actually listen?
TM: Yeah, suprisingly enough I do have some listeners. When I was turning them out on a more or less regular basis I had around 300 subscribers. Unfortunately, I let things slip and lost most of those listeners. It's a phenomenon called "Podfade", and a lot of podcasters have run into the same problem. The initial enthusiasm just sort of runs its course and then it becomes harder and harder to keep to any regular kind of schedule. Still, I'm suprised that even though I went about 8 months without putting out a podcast, I still got about 100 downloads on my most recent episode, and that's without any kind of promotion at all. It's amazing when you stop to think about it, and really shows that there is an audience out there just looking for something different.
DC: If you don't promote your podcasts then how people find them?
TM: That's what I've been asking myself. Of course, a lot of podcasters do promote their podcasts and have much larger audiences than mine. Hundreds of thousands, in fact. I don't how they find mine, though. I try to list myself in all the major directories, and fate just takes it from there.
DC: Have you thought about promoting it? Wouldn't you like to have a larger audience?
TM: Not really. Look, I'm just podcasting for the fun of it, and I certainly don't have any illusions about any potential bonanza's I might reap from it. Truth is, I'm not really a media type. That's not my personality at all. I mean podcasting is great if you're the type of person who really wants to break into showbiz and do some shtick. All you need is a microphone and a computer. I'm just happy that a hundred people out there like the music I'm playing, that's all, and I'm really not looking for fame and fortune. I'll probably do a couple more and then call it quits.
DC: And do what? Another podcast?
TM: Yeah maybe, or maybe I'll just keep posting to my blog. I enjoy that a lot more than podcasting anyways.
DC: You mean this blog?
TM: Yes, that's right.
DC: Don't you think it's a little strange that you're doing an interview with yourself on your own blog?
TM: I've done stranger things.
DC: Yes, I know.
TM: Yes, you would know, wouldn't you.
DC: What do you see as the future of podcasting? Is it just a fad?
TM: No. I've blogged about this before. The first step in podcasting was like the "proof of concept" phase. Just seeing if it could be done and working out all the little details. The next step was the "empire building" phase, which I believe is happening right now. Large podcasting conglomerates are emerging as podcasters find it necessary to spread out their costs and build reliable delivery mechanisms. You have to do that in order to promote and get accurate numbers that can be taken to potential advertisers. Once the conglomerates are in place then I think the "conquer the world" phase comes next. That's where the podcasters begin to challenge the big radio and TV companies and the "new" media gradually begins to replace the "established" media. That's still a long ways off, but I think that's the plan. Of course, after that, then it will just be a matter of time before someone else becomes the new "new" media, and it'll be their turn to try to topple the "old media" podcasting empires. Hmmm..., I wonder what that technology will be.
DC: Any guesses?
TM: Not a clue.
DC: Well thank you for talking with us tonight.
TM: My pleasure.
DC: Tony Myers, welcome. What's a podcast?
TM: Well, it's really just an audio file that can be downloaded from the internet.
DC: And played on an Ipod?
TM: No, you don't need an Ipod to play a podcast. You can play them on your computer or any portable audio device, or just burn them to a CD if you want to.
DC: A CD? Can you play CD's on an Ipod?
TM: No, I was just using that as an example. You see you don't need an Ipod to listen to podcasts. There are a number of different ways to listen to them.
DC: What if I don't have an Ipod. Can I still listen to podcasts?
TM: Like I said, you don't need an Ipod to listen to a podcast.
DC: How does that work exactly?
TM: There are a number of different ways to listen to audio files. You can listen to them on a computer, or a...look, never mind.
DC: But if I have an Ipod can I still listen to podcasts?
TM: Yes. Of course you can.
DC: Well I don't have an Ipod but let's say I wanted to listen to podcasts, what kind of an Ipod should I buy?
TM: Can we change the subject?
DC: Is there some special software I need to buy in addition to an Ipod before I can listen to podcasts?
TM: Can we please change the subject? You're starting to annoy me.
DC: Sure, but I just want to be clear on this. If I don't have an Ipod and I want to listen to...
TM: If you ask me one more question about Ipods I swear I'm going to get out of this chair and beat you up.
DC: Fair enough. Let's talk about your podcast. What kind of podcast is it?
TM: It's a music podcast. I don't have much of a life so I like to spend my free time surfin' around the net for free, downloadable music. It's what we like to call "Podsafe" music, meaning that it can be played royalty free on podcasts. When I find something I like I save a copy of it, and every now and then I gather up 6 or 7 of these songs and turn it into a podcast. Where I differ from most of the other music podcasts is that I don't play any headbanger music and I don't stick to any particular genres. I like to call it the best podsafe music from the quiet side of the internet.
DC: Sounds pretty dull to me. Does anybody actually listen?
TM: Yeah, suprisingly enough I do have some listeners. When I was turning them out on a more or less regular basis I had around 300 subscribers. Unfortunately, I let things slip and lost most of those listeners. It's a phenomenon called "Podfade", and a lot of podcasters have run into the same problem. The initial enthusiasm just sort of runs its course and then it becomes harder and harder to keep to any regular kind of schedule. Still, I'm suprised that even though I went about 8 months without putting out a podcast, I still got about 100 downloads on my most recent episode, and that's without any kind of promotion at all. It's amazing when you stop to think about it, and really shows that there is an audience out there just looking for something different.
DC: If you don't promote your podcasts then how people find them?
TM: That's what I've been asking myself. Of course, a lot of podcasters do promote their podcasts and have much larger audiences than mine. Hundreds of thousands, in fact. I don't how they find mine, though. I try to list myself in all the major directories, and fate just takes it from there.
DC: Have you thought about promoting it? Wouldn't you like to have a larger audience?
TM: Not really. Look, I'm just podcasting for the fun of it, and I certainly don't have any illusions about any potential bonanza's I might reap from it. Truth is, I'm not really a media type. That's not my personality at all. I mean podcasting is great if you're the type of person who really wants to break into showbiz and do some shtick. All you need is a microphone and a computer. I'm just happy that a hundred people out there like the music I'm playing, that's all, and I'm really not looking for fame and fortune. I'll probably do a couple more and then call it quits.
DC: And do what? Another podcast?
TM: Yeah maybe, or maybe I'll just keep posting to my blog. I enjoy that a lot more than podcasting anyways.
DC: You mean this blog?
TM: Yes, that's right.
DC: Don't you think it's a little strange that you're doing an interview with yourself on your own blog?
TM: I've done stranger things.
DC: Yes, I know.
TM: Yes, you would know, wouldn't you.
DC: What do you see as the future of podcasting? Is it just a fad?
TM: No. I've blogged about this before. The first step in podcasting was like the "proof of concept" phase. Just seeing if it could be done and working out all the little details. The next step was the "empire building" phase, which I believe is happening right now. Large podcasting conglomerates are emerging as podcasters find it necessary to spread out their costs and build reliable delivery mechanisms. You have to do that in order to promote and get accurate numbers that can be taken to potential advertisers. Once the conglomerates are in place then I think the "conquer the world" phase comes next. That's where the podcasters begin to challenge the big radio and TV companies and the "new" media gradually begins to replace the "established" media. That's still a long ways off, but I think that's the plan. Of course, after that, then it will just be a matter of time before someone else becomes the new "new" media, and it'll be their turn to try to topple the "old media" podcasting empires. Hmmm..., I wonder what that technology will be.
DC: Any guesses?
TM: Not a clue.
DC: Well thank you for talking with us tonight.
TM: My pleasure.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Lord I Was Born a Ramblin' Man
The strange thing about doing this blog is that I'm never really sure if anyone's reading it or not. If you're a real writer with a job at a magazine or a published novelist or something like that, then you can naturally assume a certain number of readers, but unless a blogger checks his stats he never really knows for sure if anyone's reading, and I never check my stats. I find it takes a lot of the pressure off if I just assume that there's no audience. No need to be interesting or relevant if it's just you typing away in cyberspace, and if someone is unlucky enough to have their browser land at this url then that's their problem, not mine.
So with that in mind I thought I'd just ramble on tonight. I don't really have anything in particular on my mind, and since no one reads this crap - who cares? So let's start, shall we? Let me just see what's making news.
Well, as you may have heard the Oakland A's lost a close, down-to-the-wire league championship series to the Detroit Tigers. It was a real nail-biter alright, and other than the A's inabilty to pitch, hit or catch I thought they played a pretty good series. Kudo's to the A's, and too bad they didn't play a best of nine because I'm sure they could've taken the Tigers for five straight.
Ok, enough of that. Let's find some happy news. Over on Wall Street things have been looking pretty good lately. There have been quite a few new highs on the Dow, and the Nasdaq and S&P have been improving as well. That's good news for me. At least now I don't have to down a bottle of Scotch before looking at my brokerage statement each month (actually I don't drink. I just thought I should make that clear in case any future employers might be reading this...) In fact my nest egg wasn't growing and I was beginning to worry there for a while. You know things are bad when planning for the future means testing out grocery carts and reconnoitering local parks and bridges for any that might fit future retirement needs. No need for that anymore. The market is picking up a little, and it looks like I just might have enough scratch be able to retire to that little dream hovel in the tenements after all.
Sure is a load off of my mind.
What else can I talk about. Hmmm... They had a debate up in Sacramento last weekend, and yeah, I actually watched it. Truth is I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff. You know, Lincoln-Douglas, Kennedy-Nixon, Schwarzenegger-Angelides(?).
Anyways, it wasn't a real debate. It was more like a chance for Angelides to prove that he was a real gubernatorial candidate and not just some guy at the door taking tickets. How did he do? Well, rather than answer that directly I'll just read you this little item from today's Murky News. Seems that Willie Brown, a very well known Democrat in this state, speaking at a luncheon in front of a mostly Democratic audience, declared that Schwarzenegger would win the election "no matter what". What was really strange, though, was that Brown had invited Schwarzenegger to speak at the luncheon, but had not sent an invitation to Angelides.
And that's how well the debate went. I mean, even the bigwigs in his own party don't want to vote for him. I'm no political scientist but that doesn't smell like victory to me.
Like I said, I watched the debate and it went pretty much as expected. Arnold, the incumbent, did his best to look cool and in command while Angelides accused him of ruining the state and destroying lives and pretty much everything else short of kidnapping the Lindbergh baby. I could have almost felt sorry for poor Phil if it wasn't for the fact that he kept pissing me off with all of his talk about "the working people."
I mean, there's Phil Angelides, pockets full of money sent to him by the various Public Employee's Unions around the state, taking a stand for the "working people" of this state, "working people" being his codeword for public employees. Geez Louise, does this guy think that people in the public sector are the only ones who work for a living? How about the rest of us? The ones who don't have guaranteed pensions and lifetime health benefits and cost-of-living adjustments. What does he think we do all day? Sit around the pool making eyes at blondes in bikinis? And besides, have you ever been to the DMV? Do those people look like they're working to you?
Aaaahhh, it really started to make me mad after a while, this whole Angelidian notion that the role of government is to raise my "non-working people" taxes so that we can pay ever-escalating benefits to Phil's poor, beaten-down "working people." That's his real agenda - more money for his union backers. He thinks he can get it by soaking the rich, and while I'm all for soaking the rich I know enough to know that it's the folks in the middle who usually wind up taking a bath. All I can say is if Angelides wanted to alienate me as a voter then he did a pretty good job of it. As far as I'm concerned, Jessica Simpson has a better chance of winning the Nobel Prize in Physics than Phil Angelides has of getting my vote in November.
Grrrrrrr politics - it always puts me in a bad mood.
One last thing and then I'm calling it a night. I was watching TV the other day (or was it the other week?) and this show came on the History Channel called "The History of Sex." Now, dear readers, this is the History Channel we're talking about. I always figured that if you have a channel called "The History Channel" then you're gonna have shows about historic things like great battles, or social movements, or important figures, or things like that. But "The History of Sex"? Are you kidding me?
Anyways, as far as I'm concerned the very fact that The History Channel has to pander and pimp for an audience with shows like "The History of Sex" goes to the very heart of what's wrong with this country. I'm not sure what that is or why, but it's gotta be central to whole problem, whatever that may be. And besides, don't people already know the history of sex? Let's see, first Eve bit the apple, and then people have been doing it ever since. Doesn't seem like much of a show to me (but I'm gonna Tivo it just to be sure). Can't wait to see what series they come up with next. Maybe "The History of Hemorroids" or "The History of Post Nasal Drip".
Now that's some TV worth watching.
So with that in mind I thought I'd just ramble on tonight. I don't really have anything in particular on my mind, and since no one reads this crap - who cares? So let's start, shall we? Let me just see what's making news.
Well, as you may have heard the Oakland A's lost a close, down-to-the-wire league championship series to the Detroit Tigers. It was a real nail-biter alright, and other than the A's inabilty to pitch, hit or catch I thought they played a pretty good series. Kudo's to the A's, and too bad they didn't play a best of nine because I'm sure they could've taken the Tigers for five straight.
Ok, enough of that. Let's find some happy news. Over on Wall Street things have been looking pretty good lately. There have been quite a few new highs on the Dow, and the Nasdaq and S&P have been improving as well. That's good news for me. At least now I don't have to down a bottle of Scotch before looking at my brokerage statement each month (actually I don't drink. I just thought I should make that clear in case any future employers might be reading this...) In fact my nest egg wasn't growing and I was beginning to worry there for a while. You know things are bad when planning for the future means testing out grocery carts and reconnoitering local parks and bridges for any that might fit future retirement needs. No need for that anymore. The market is picking up a little, and it looks like I just might have enough scratch be able to retire to that little dream hovel in the tenements after all.
Sure is a load off of my mind.
What else can I talk about. Hmmm... They had a debate up in Sacramento last weekend, and yeah, I actually watched it. Truth is I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff. You know, Lincoln-Douglas, Kennedy-Nixon, Schwarzenegger-Angelides(?).
Anyways, it wasn't a real debate. It was more like a chance for Angelides to prove that he was a real gubernatorial candidate and not just some guy at the door taking tickets. How did he do? Well, rather than answer that directly I'll just read you this little item from today's Murky News. Seems that Willie Brown, a very well known Democrat in this state, speaking at a luncheon in front of a mostly Democratic audience, declared that Schwarzenegger would win the election "no matter what". What was really strange, though, was that Brown had invited Schwarzenegger to speak at the luncheon, but had not sent an invitation to Angelides.
And that's how well the debate went. I mean, even the bigwigs in his own party don't want to vote for him. I'm no political scientist but that doesn't smell like victory to me.
Like I said, I watched the debate and it went pretty much as expected. Arnold, the incumbent, did his best to look cool and in command while Angelides accused him of ruining the state and destroying lives and pretty much everything else short of kidnapping the Lindbergh baby. I could have almost felt sorry for poor Phil if it wasn't for the fact that he kept pissing me off with all of his talk about "the working people."
I mean, there's Phil Angelides, pockets full of money sent to him by the various Public Employee's Unions around the state, taking a stand for the "working people" of this state, "working people" being his codeword for public employees. Geez Louise, does this guy think that people in the public sector are the only ones who work for a living? How about the rest of us? The ones who don't have guaranteed pensions and lifetime health benefits and cost-of-living adjustments. What does he think we do all day? Sit around the pool making eyes at blondes in bikinis? And besides, have you ever been to the DMV? Do those people look like they're working to you?
Aaaahhh, it really started to make me mad after a while, this whole Angelidian notion that the role of government is to raise my "non-working people" taxes so that we can pay ever-escalating benefits to Phil's poor, beaten-down "working people." That's his real agenda - more money for his union backers. He thinks he can get it by soaking the rich, and while I'm all for soaking the rich I know enough to know that it's the folks in the middle who usually wind up taking a bath. All I can say is if Angelides wanted to alienate me as a voter then he did a pretty good job of it. As far as I'm concerned, Jessica Simpson has a better chance of winning the Nobel Prize in Physics than Phil Angelides has of getting my vote in November.
Grrrrrrr politics - it always puts me in a bad mood.
One last thing and then I'm calling it a night. I was watching TV the other day (or was it the other week?) and this show came on the History Channel called "The History of Sex." Now, dear readers, this is the History Channel we're talking about. I always figured that if you have a channel called "The History Channel" then you're gonna have shows about historic things like great battles, or social movements, or important figures, or things like that. But "The History of Sex"? Are you kidding me?
Anyways, as far as I'm concerned the very fact that The History Channel has to pander and pimp for an audience with shows like "The History of Sex" goes to the very heart of what's wrong with this country. I'm not sure what that is or why, but it's gotta be central to whole problem, whatever that may be. And besides, don't people already know the history of sex? Let's see, first Eve bit the apple, and then people have been doing it ever since. Doesn't seem like much of a show to me (but I'm gonna Tivo it just to be sure). Can't wait to see what series they come up with next. Maybe "The History of Hemorroids" or "The History of Post Nasal Drip".
Now that's some TV worth watching.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Butterfly
The new Hilary Hahn CD is out and getting lots of buzz around here at the Dead Cat offices. Ok, it's more "tiny room with desk and chair" than "offices", and the "buzz" is really just me and my unqualified opinions, but still it's always exciting when HH's fall release hits the stores. Here are a few first impressions.Before I begin I should probably say that I never really liked the Paganini Violin Concerto No. 1. I certainly don't hate it, but it's always seemed like just a "show" piece to me, and a "show" piece is a bit like a juggler keeping 7 knives in the air at the same time -- it's exciting the first time you see it, and then it starts to feel stale.
I've heard this concerto a few times before and even have the Perlman Edition loaded on my MP3 player, but it never made much of an impression on me. I don't know why. It's certainly dazzling, and that's what you want from Paganini isn't it? After all, when you go to the park on the Fourth of July it's because you want to see the fireworks, isn't it? Of course it is, and when you 're jonesing for some bow-blasting, finger-bending, scroll-shivering pyrotechnics and razzledazzle, then you put on the Paganini. I understand that. He's just not one of my favorites, that's all.
On the other hand, HH is one of my favorites.
The place to begin with this CD is the booklet. For those of you who bought this on Itunes, well, tough luck. If you're going to buy classical music then you really should be buying CD's anyways, not only for the improved audio quality but also for the printed materials contained therein. Be that as it may, in the booklet HH talks about the Violin as Voice, and about the operatic qualities of both the Paganini and Spohr concerti. Ok, I thought, I've listened to the Perlman version and heard nothing operatic at all in the piece, but she's obviously spent a great deal of time thinking about this, so I'll go with it.
Then I gave it a listen.
If you're unfamiliar with the Paganini Violin Concerto No. 1 let me explain a little about it. It opens with a rather long introduction full of cymbal crashes and orchestral bluster. After all the noise stops, it settles down to quiet hush and waits for the star violinist to make his/her grand entrance and captivate the audience with his/her virtuosity and brilliance. Then, for the next 35 minutes or so it's just one big thrill ride as the soloist performs one challenging feat after another, each seemingly more impossible than the last, until finally dropping dead on stage with hands and fingers a broken, bleeding, mangled mess (it is considered good form on the audience's part to withhold their applause until after the paramedics leave.)
On this CD, however, you have to forget all that. HH wrote that she saw the piece as operatic, and, you know something, as much as I like to be disagreeable and critical, I totally bought into it. She's right. This isn't a violin concerto, it's bel canto, and from the moment HH makes her entrance she is completely in the scene, displaying a glorious singing voice and superb diction--razor sharp, in fact. After listening to so many lesser violinists over the past year, I can't tell you how good it is to hear that clarity and precision again; a precision she carries through the entire piece with nary a stumble or a wobble.
Yes, she's right. This concerto is opera, or can be if approached the right way. I'd been listening to the Perlman CD, and I'd say his approach is more as a figure skater than opera singer. First you do your triple toe loop, and then you sort of glide around to catch your breath before moving on to the double Lutz. It's all "one trick to the next" and just doesn't have flow of HH's recording.
The Perlman CD also doesn't have her playing, and that's probably the most important difference of all. What's immediately obvious to anyone who has followed HH's career is that this is not the work of a prodigy. This is the work of a mature and talented artist at the top of her game, and has to make people wonder whether she just might be emerging as the preeminent musician of our time. I know that sounds like hyperbole but I honestly can't think of any other violinist out there right now who communicates such a total control of the instrument as HH does. Sure, audiences all have their favorites, but just listen to her interpretation of this piece. It's unique, confident, intelligent, insightful, artistic, expressive, and yes, dazzling as well. It's all there. Everything you look for in a great musician; it's all there.
Anyways, there's also a Spohr concerto on the CD and it's not nearly as impressive as the Paganini, at least not after 4 or 5 listens. It's kind of unfair, really. After hearing her play the first piece you almost have a feeling like there are no more mountains high enough for HH to climb, and then comes the Spohr, which isn't bad, but doesn't seem to have the aspirations of the Paganini. I'm sure I'll be listening to this CD for some time to come, so maybe I'll have something to say about the Spohr then.
(like anyone cares)
Monday, October 09, 2006
Short and Sweet
Yeah, I know it's silly. Still, we'd love to see Tony LaRussa back here in the Bay Area. Or Willie Randolph, for that matter.
Too bad about them Yanks, though. Heh, heh, heh... 50 trillion dollar payroll and they couldn't even make it to the League Championship Series. Sheesh. Time to fire the manager, I guess..
Anyways, that's what's happening around the Bay. Been a while since we had a World Series champ out here, and lord knows we'll all be dead and in our graves if we gotta wait for the Giants to win one, so I guess it's up to the A's to continue the tradition. 1972, 1973, 1974, 1989...2006? We're overdue.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
New Kids On The Block
Well, we all know what the big news was this week, and, as usual, you heard it hear last. No, I'm not talking about perverts in Washington, and no, I'm not talking about psycho's with guns, and no, I'm definitely not talking about the latest Bob Woodward book which apparently has the country reeling with its' revelation that the folks running the war in Iraq are totally out to lunch.
Stop the presses!!!
I don't want to blog about any of that. In fact, if you really want to read something revealing about the Iraq War I'd suggest a book called "Blood Money" by T. Christian Miller instead. Despite the horrible title it's actually a pretty interesting read about our efforts to rebuild post-Saddam Iraq. Of course, if you're one of those happy taxpayers who isn't much concerned with how your tax dollars are being spent and trusts that those folks in Washington will keep careful tabs over every penny you send them, then this book is not for you. On the other hand, for those of you living in the real world and wondering just what has happened to all those hundreds of billions of dollars we've been spending on this little nation building adventure of ours, the book will answer at least some of your questions.
Believe me, it ain't pretty.
It is interesting though. For example, have you ever wondered what a bunch of eskimos has to do with a Southern California telecomm company getting a contract to build a cellular phone network in the middle of a Middle Eastern desert? Me neither, until I read the book. (Hint: Eskimos=Alaska=Sen. Ted Stevens=Pork Barrel politics=No bid contracts=? Well, you figure out the rest.)
But that's not the news of the week. The big news is that the Metropolitan Opera is going Digital!!! Yep, the Met sent me an email announcing that they now have their own channel on Sirius Satellite Radio. And, if you've been paying attention, you'll know that the Met has also announced that they'll be doing live simulcasts of some of their operas at selected movie theaters around the country, and that they will also be offering archival recordings of past "Live From The Met" performances on the Rhapsody Music Service. And, as if that weren't enough, there are rumors of still more digital ventures to come.
So what does all this mean? Does it mean that Sirius listeners will be abandoning Howard Stern for Placido Domingo? Does it mean that teenagers will be telling their parents that instead of a birthday party they'd rather go to the opera with their little brothers? Does this mean that America is finally ready for fat women with big voices?
Yeah, probably.
No, just kidding. However, it might mean that the old farts who are running things in the arts world are finally catching on to the fact that the audiences of tomorrow aren't just passively listening to their radios anymore. It might mean that they realize that if you want to reach those audiences then you have to go where they go. That is, you have to be on their computers and their Ipods and their satellite radios and wherever else the technology is taking them.
Of course, when I talk about opera or the arts I'm not talking about the mass audience. Unfortunately the mass audience is not very interested in the arts, particularly the performing arts, and most particularly of all the musical arts. I suppose that's because of the peculiar nature of music and it's strong influence on a person's social identity. I don't mean to get all anthropological on you here, but I've always felt that musical tastes are intricately linked with tastes in clothes, and friends, and language, and just culture in general. A love for Shakespeare, for example, doesn't necessarily dictates what a person wears, but a love for a certain kind of music can, and often does.
Anyways, it's unlikely that classical music will ever reach the mass audience, at least not in the age of mass media and mass culture and the three minute song. That's ok, classical music doesn't need to reach the mass audience, but it does need to reach a new audience. Every art form needs that if it is to survive, and that's why I'm so excited that the Met has decided to have a presence in this new digital age. Just being there and reaching out to those looking for something musically meaningful and satisfying is important, and I feel confident that once a person discovers opera and listens to it, they'll become a lifelong fan.
How large an audience? Hmmm, that's another question. I would hope that the Met would take advantage of this opportunity and try new things instead of being tied to the past, but I know that audiences here in the U.S. aren't always eager for new music and might revolt if things get too modern. Then again, I was young once, you know, and I remember that back then what I was most interested in was the new, not the centuries old. Wouldn't it be nice if classical music audiences could get over their fixation with the past? Wouldn't it be nice if a few visionary souls could persuade them that maybe the greatest masterpieces have yet to be written? Ah, it'll never happen, but I think new music is what the younger audiences crave. That's what pop music is all about, isn't it? You'll never hear a teenager thinking that the best songs are the ones their parents listened to. They're always looking for something new, and that's what gives pop music it's energy and drive to explore new things.
That said, one of the Met broadcasts this year will be Tan Dun's new opera "The Last Emperor". That's a start, and hopefully they can follow up with vintage recordings of other new works they have premiered over the years. Lord knows I'm no expert on what's hip these days, but John Adams and John Corigliano seem to have attracted a following among younger music fans. Who knows, maybe it'll strike a chord. I just hope that the new Sirius channel doesn't devolve into the 24 hour Mozart/Verdi/Handel channel.
That'll be fine for the blue hairs, but as for me I think I'll take a snoooozzzzzzzzzzzzzzze...
Stop the presses!!!
I don't want to blog about any of that. In fact, if you really want to read something revealing about the Iraq War I'd suggest a book called "Blood Money" by T. Christian Miller instead. Despite the horrible title it's actually a pretty interesting read about our efforts to rebuild post-Saddam Iraq. Of course, if you're one of those happy taxpayers who isn't much concerned with how your tax dollars are being spent and trusts that those folks in Washington will keep careful tabs over every penny you send them, then this book is not for you. On the other hand, for those of you living in the real world and wondering just what has happened to all those hundreds of billions of dollars we've been spending on this little nation building adventure of ours, the book will answer at least some of your questions.Believe me, it ain't pretty.
It is interesting though. For example, have you ever wondered what a bunch of eskimos has to do with a Southern California telecomm company getting a contract to build a cellular phone network in the middle of a Middle Eastern desert? Me neither, until I read the book. (Hint: Eskimos=Alaska=Sen. Ted Stevens=Pork Barrel politics=No bid contracts=? Well, you figure out the rest.)
But that's not the news of the week. The big news is that the Metropolitan Opera is going Digital!!! Yep, the Met sent me an email announcing that they now have their own channel on Sirius Satellite Radio. And, if you've been paying attention, you'll know that the Met has also announced that they'll be doing live simulcasts of some of their operas at selected movie theaters around the country, and that they will also be offering archival recordings of past "Live From The Met" performances on the Rhapsody Music Service. And, as if that weren't enough, there are rumors of still more digital ventures to come.
So what does all this mean? Does it mean that Sirius listeners will be abandoning Howard Stern for Placido Domingo? Does it mean that teenagers will be telling their parents that instead of a birthday party they'd rather go to the opera with their little brothers? Does this mean that America is finally ready for fat women with big voices?
Yeah, probably.
No, just kidding. However, it might mean that the old farts who are running things in the arts world are finally catching on to the fact that the audiences of tomorrow aren't just passively listening to their radios anymore. It might mean that they realize that if you want to reach those audiences then you have to go where they go. That is, you have to be on their computers and their Ipods and their satellite radios and wherever else the technology is taking them.
Of course, when I talk about opera or the arts I'm not talking about the mass audience. Unfortunately the mass audience is not very interested in the arts, particularly the performing arts, and most particularly of all the musical arts. I suppose that's because of the peculiar nature of music and it's strong influence on a person's social identity. I don't mean to get all anthropological on you here, but I've always felt that musical tastes are intricately linked with tastes in clothes, and friends, and language, and just culture in general. A love for Shakespeare, for example, doesn't necessarily dictates what a person wears, but a love for a certain kind of music can, and often does.
Anyways, it's unlikely that classical music will ever reach the mass audience, at least not in the age of mass media and mass culture and the three minute song. That's ok, classical music doesn't need to reach the mass audience, but it does need to reach a new audience. Every art form needs that if it is to survive, and that's why I'm so excited that the Met has decided to have a presence in this new digital age. Just being there and reaching out to those looking for something musically meaningful and satisfying is important, and I feel confident that once a person discovers opera and listens to it, they'll become a lifelong fan.
How large an audience? Hmmm, that's another question. I would hope that the Met would take advantage of this opportunity and try new things instead of being tied to the past, but I know that audiences here in the U.S. aren't always eager for new music and might revolt if things get too modern. Then again, I was young once, you know, and I remember that back then what I was most interested in was the new, not the centuries old. Wouldn't it be nice if classical music audiences could get over their fixation with the past? Wouldn't it be nice if a few visionary souls could persuade them that maybe the greatest masterpieces have yet to be written? Ah, it'll never happen, but I think new music is what the younger audiences crave. That's what pop music is all about, isn't it? You'll never hear a teenager thinking that the best songs are the ones their parents listened to. They're always looking for something new, and that's what gives pop music it's energy and drive to explore new things.
That said, one of the Met broadcasts this year will be Tan Dun's new opera "The Last Emperor". That's a start, and hopefully they can follow up with vintage recordings of other new works they have premiered over the years. Lord knows I'm no expert on what's hip these days, but John Adams and John Corigliano seem to have attracted a following among younger music fans. Who knows, maybe it'll strike a chord. I just hope that the new Sirius channel doesn't devolve into the 24 hour Mozart/Verdi/Handel channel.
That'll be fine for the blue hairs, but as for me I think I'll take a snoooozzzzzzzzzzzzzzze...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
