Leafless Desert of the Mind

It's all about celebrity, isn't it? Politics, I mean. This whole idea that people evaluate the candidate's stand on the issues before making their decision is a lot of bunk, if you ask me. I don't even buy the notion that it's the media's fault for obsessing over the "horse race" to the detriment of the voter's "need to know". More bunk. If voters cared about issues then that's what the news broadcasts and newspapers would cover.

People care about celebrities - film celebrities, music celebrities, sports celebrities, and even political celebrities. We want to know is who's hot and who's not, hence the horse race that people complain about. Yeah I know, what other earth-shattering revelations have I got for you tonight.

Well, the only reason I'm broaching the topic is precisely because of all this issues stuff - you know, health care, taxes, gasoline, the War - what the younger generation would call "boring, old-people" news. That's what they call it - I heard it on a podcast. According to the guy on the podcast, what the youth of today wants is "fun" news, which, when you think about it, is really all that anybody wants from their news reports, isn't it? The youth of today is no different than anyone else in that regard, just more honest.

Think about it. What made JFK so special? He was fun. Ronald Reagan? Always cracking with the jokes. Richard Nixon? Well, he was just no fun at all. So with that in mind, I thought I'd turn my attention to our current candidates and ask the question I'm sure is on everybody's mind -

"If life was an opera, what operatic character would our candidates be?"

Great question, and lucky for you I've got a few ideas. First let's look at John McCain. Although the Democrats would probably cast him as Mephistopheles, I think that's going a bit far. Dick Cheney, maybe, but not John McCain. McCain is more like Don Carlo, I think. A bravado character, full of loyalty, brotherhood and gusto, a "man's man" with a strong sense of righteousness. That sounds more like McCain, although the part about being in love with his stepmother is probably a stretch. Other than that though, I'd say McCain is definitely the Don Carlo type. Dio, che nell'alma infondere!

Okay, how about Obama? Well, that seems pretty obvious. The callow youth who turns away from evil and returns with the holy spear to heal our nation's wounds and bring redemption and salvation to a destitute and forlorn. Obama is Parsifal, my friends, come back to us to reveal the grail and restore all hope and purpose. The prophets told us of his coming, and now the prophecy's come true. Yes indeed, and this is the decision we must make. Will we choose the strength of Don Carlo, or the innocent virtue of Parsifal? Well, I don't want to spoil the election but if you've seen the operas then you know who became king, and who was summoned to the tomb. Geez, let's hope the drama doesn't get that intense.

But enough politics. We haven't even had the conventions yet and I'm already sick of this election. Can you believe they've been campaigning since last year and it's still going on? It's worse than the Academy Awards.

Well, anyway, not to change the subject but I was watching the TV the other night and they've got this show on called Nature. I don't know if you've seen it. It's one of those wildlife shows, you know, with the pretty sunsets and the telescopic slo-mo's of animals bonding and frolicking in their struggle for survival out in the great untamed wilderness.

I'll admit I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff, and this particular show was called "What does the female want?", the premise being that by studying the mating rituals of the animal world we can come to a better understanding of our own natures. At least I think that's what the premise was, and it all seemed more than a little bit ridiculous to me. Think about it. Is there a single human on this planet who can relate to a concept like that? Of course not, and these biologists and zoologists are fools if they think we can. The important question for the human species, and trust me on this all of you scientist people, has never been what does the female want, but rather what will the female settle for. If the male human spent all his energy self-consciously trying to be everything that the female human wants him to be, there would be nothing but a bunch of desperate, defeated males and hopelessly disappointed females left to carry on the species. Then again, that does kind of sound like some marriages I've seen.

So, like I said, I'm watching this show and there's some lady putting a stuffed female wood grouse on a little train and wheeling it in front of a male wood grouse to see what the male will do, and the male wood grouse starts calling and strutting because he's hard up and doesn't know the female wood grouse is a fake. When I saw that I just thought "So what?. What is that supposed to teach us?" I mean, if you bought an inflatable human female doll and put it in front of a lovesick human male, you'd get pretty much the same result, wouldn't you? Well he might not buy it a drink or ask it to dance, but he might try to mate with it.

Anyway, the whole show was like this, and it was late and I started to nod off, and then suddenly I woke up and looked at the TV and found myself looking at a video of two spiders, well, you know...you know. I mean they were doing it right there on my TV, and I'm thinking "Is this what I've been reduced to? Is this what we've all been reduced to? We've split the atom, we've mapped the genome, we've walked upon the surface of the moon, and now we have nothing better to do with our science that watch a couple of spiders exchange genes?"

People, what is wrong with us? That's what I'm trying to say. Is there nothing left to ponder? Are we so sophisticated and advanced that the universe lost it's wonder? Are our celebrities all we have left to inspire and excite us? Do they alone matter, because without them all we can do is sit around and watch spiders ----? \\

The keenest pangs the wretched find
Are rapture to the dreary void,
The leafless desert of the mind,
The waste of feelings unemployed.

-Byron

Opus 1 No. 2

Have you ever gotten a song in your head that you just can't get rid of? All day yesterday I kept hearing this old Neil Young song rattling around my brain, so instead of letting it drive me crazy I decided to sit down at my computer and record it instead. For those of you keeping score, this is now exactly my second computer music project, and although the bar was set pretty low by the first one, I think little by little I'm getting the hang of it.

Like I said it's an old Neil Young song, and I even recorded some vocals. Unfortunately they're my vocals. It's a shame, too, because except for my off-key warble it's not that bad of a mix. However, if I may plead my case, let me just say that anyone who's ever heard Neil Young sing shouldn't be so quick to judge. How much worse could my singing be than Neil Young's? Take a listen and you'll find out.

The mix itself is a whopping 9 tracks and I created eight of them myself, the exception being the ocean waves track that I pilfered from Garageband's built-in library. Other than that there are 3 keyboard tracks, 3 guitar tracks, 1 vocal track and 1 drum track. Once again the drum track was a big headache, and I now understand why so many internet drummers farm-out their work to people willing to pay to get their mixes right. Believe me, the beginner soon learns that nothing will ruin a mix faster than bad drums. Take a listen and you'll find out.

So there you have it. I'm not posting this to prove what a great musical genius I am. Rather, I post it as a public service to those of you who would like to try to record your own music but feel intimidated by some of the really good stuff that others are doing. After just one listen to this song I'm sure you'll soon rest easy and think to yourself "Geez, I can come up with something better than that piece of crap."

And indeed you can. The song is called Midnight On The Bay and Neil Young released it at least 25 or 30 years ago. I apologize for the vocals but that David Cook guy was busy doing American Idol, so I had to step in.




Midnight On The Bay

He's a One Man Band

Yes. After much fiddling around I finally managed to accomplish something with Garageband. That's the music software that ships with the Apple Macintosh, and yeah, I know, it's so easy anyone can use it, but let me remind you of a couple of things: First, I'm an old guy and I've never used a sequencer before, and second, I put my guitar down for about 25 years before picking it up again a couple of years ago and I'm still a little rusty. So cut me some slack dude, and quit harshing my buzz.

Anyway, the file is down below, and frankly it sucks. That said, I created all four of the tracks myself, so I'm feeling pretty proud of it. There's a rhythm guitar track (that was easy), there's a keyboard part (nothing fancy so that was easy too), a drum part (that was impossible. I had to turn the mix down real low on that one), and finally a screeching lead guitar part that I must apologize for. I guess I was so concerned that I had the other three parts right that I sort of let that one get away from me.

But there it is. It definitely needs tightening and some vocals, but it's my firstborn and I wanted to share it with the world, even if it is a little premature. As long as you don't expect too much and are cool with the fact that I really put the "ham" in "hamateur" on this one, you just might be able to sit through it. Either way, I don't care. I'm just so stoked on this whole home studio revolution that I can't wait to try out all kinds of new things.

The song is the classic Elmore James tune "Stormy Monday", but there are no vocals so you'd never know it. Like I said, I'm gonna try to add some vocals and redo the lead guitar so it's not running all over the place, and then maybe I'll have somethng really worth uploading. Until then, here goes...


Story Monday Jam


They call it stormy Monday, but Tuesday's just as bad
They call it stormy Monday, but Tuesday's just as bad
And Lord Wednesday's wasted, Thursday's all so sad.


The eagle flies on Friday, and Saturday I go out to play
The eagle flies on Friday, and Saturday I go out to play
On Sunday's I go to church, and I kneel down to pray


Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy on me
Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy on me
I've been trying, trying to find my baby, won't somebody send her home to me

Attack of the Pinnipeds

In keeping with the local tourist theme, here are some pics from my trip to see the elephant seals at Ano Nuevo State Park. I bring you the sights, the sounds, but thankfully not the smells. Should you go? Well, if the sight of blubber on the beach flips your switch, then go for it.


The California coast and wildflowers as seen from Ano Nuevo



When they're not lying around, elephant seals like to fight. Here are two males getting it on.




With cuties like this around, it's no wonder that the boys have got their dander up. Those lips, those eyes - she's the belle of the beach.



Tragedy strikes. A dead pup lies belly up in the sand.



Look real hard and you'll see a lone seal has staked a claim to this part of the beach - far, far from the madding crowd.




Boys! Boys! All this fighting. You're acting like a bunch of Democrats.






But fighting's not for this little guy. Ahhhhh...he's so cute.




Finally, a couple of videos. They were right side up when I uploaded them, but for some reason Youtube turned them on their side. Well, you get the idea.

I Think I'm Paranoid

Just when everyone was ready to write off the consumer, we come through again. No matter how high gas prices go or how low home prices sink, Americans just want to go shopping. At least that's what the numbers say, and we all know the numbers never lie.

The numbers were brought home to me the other day when I went for a ride through the tony town of Woodside, California. Woodside is a small town up in the redwoods and is home to many of valley's well-to-do, like Gordon Moore and Larry Ellison as well as Michelle Pfeiffer, Neil Young and others. So here we are with gas predicted to reach $5.00 or more per gallon, and yet judging by the number of SUV's on the road you'd never know that gas prices were putting a dent in anyone's wallet up in Woodside. The local gas station had regular on sale for $4.15 per gallon, which had to put the price of a filling up one of those behemoths somewhere north of $100.00 per tankful, yet no one seemed distressed at all. In fact, riding through town felt like riding in the middle of the Russian May Day parade with all the tanks and heavy armor rolling down the street.

Which just goes to prove the point that the price of gas really only affects the poor and middle class. The rich could care less, and if it were practical to take a Lear jet from their front door to the grocery store I'm sure they'd do it, and not think twice about the waste. I guess that's the whole point of being rich, isn't it? You get to tell the whole world to piss off, and there's nothing they can do about it.

So anyway, I'm at this coffee shop called Peet's (you probably have them where you live) and I'm sipping a cappucino and just sort of browsing around the store, when I see this thing called a "double wall tea infuser". So naturally I think to myself "what the hell is a double wall tea infuser?", but instead of asking someone I just opened the box and took a look inside. You know what? It turns out a double wall tea infuser is nothing more than a glass cup with a little basket inside.

Now back in the old days we had these little tea baskets too, only we called them "strainers", and you could pick one up for about 50 cents at the local five and dime. But now, as if to prove the point that people wll buy anything as long as it's "scientific", Peet's is taking a cup and a strainer, repackaging them as "double walled tea infuser's" and selling them to poor unsuspecting suckers for 30 bucks a pop.

Geez, why didn't I think of that?

Of course they're not selling them to suckers, they're selling them to all of those tea gourmet's out there, and I'm sure these people will passionately insist that to make a really proper cup of tea you simply must use a high quality infuser. In fact, I bet some of these people look down their noses at Peet's double walled tea infusers and insist that "authentic" infusers come from England or Italy or something like that, and have to be imported and cost hundreds of dollars. I bet there are people like that. I bet you've met people like that. They live in places like Woodside and drive SUV"s.

Well, all I can say to those people is that I grew up in a Japanese household and probably a day never went by that my Japanese mother didn't make at least one pot of tea, and in all that time I don't ever remember her once asking me to go to the cupboard and fetch her a tea infuser. When mom made tea it was a very simple process. She took some tea leaves out of the can and put them in the teapot, poured in some boiling water, let it steep for about 5 minutes or so, and then poured it into a cup. I swear, as God is my witness, there was no infusion involved.

And after all, what's the big deal? It's just tea. I drank the stuff all the time when I was growing up and it's really no big deal. You find a way to make it the way you like it and that's about all there is to tea. It's not that complicated, people. But of course nowdays everyone has to take things so seriously and be so scientific about everything. They have to buy tea books and take tea classes and learn about all the different tea varieties and have tea tastings and take tea notes and subscribe to tea magazines and then, I don't know, write a thesis or pass a tea test or something.

Ah, the world makes me crazy sometimes. It's just tea. You don't need "double walled tea infusers". Sheesh, what's next?

How about this. In San Jose there used to be a bowling alley called Fiesta Lanes. It was down on San Carlos Street and was in a shopping center next to one of the cities older suburuban neighborhoods. Well, as luck would have it there came a day when bowling wasn't as popular as it used to be, and a few years ago Fiesta Lanes shut down. The city was left with an empty lot and a derelict old building, and needed to find something to fill the space.

Not a problem because at that time the city (and the entire country) found itself in the middle of a wildly speculative real estate boom, and so it was decided to develop the property and build some high density housing on the site, with the stipulation that some of the housing units be set aside as BMR (below market rate) properties. The developer agreed and soon the construction began.

Seems perfectly reasonable so far, except for one thing: they forgot to ask the neighbors. Right from the beginning the project was beset by complaints from neighboring homeowners concerned about the noise created by the construction and the congestion that would result from building a high density project in their backyard, so to speak. Finally, last week things really came to a head when the developer sent letters to some of the neighbors informing them that, according to a recently completed survey, their properties were encroaching onto the developer's lands, some by as much as ten feet.

Well, the story made it into the local paper, and the only reason I'm mentioning it here tonight is because of what the locals said to the reporter who went out to get community reaction for his article. Sure, they were upset that the developer was threatening to tear down fences and take some of their property, but what really incensed people about the whole project was the "ghettoization of their neighborhood."

Remember those BMR units that the developer agreed to provide? Well, it seems the neighbors are afraid that BMR means that the wrong element (latinos, probably) would be moving into their neighborhood and bringing the criminal element with them. That's not surprising. Let's face it, there's a reason why cities build low income housing projects next to the freeway or the railyards and not in Malibu or Central Park West. It's called NIMBY.

The funny thing, though, wasn't the worried neighbors. It was finding out what qualifies as BMR in Silicon Valley. Mind you, out here a million dollar house is considered a fixer-upper and homebuyers don't think twice about writing a check to pay for that 5 or 6 million dollar home up in the hills, but when I found out that the BMR's that the developer was building would be selling for $500k, I had to shake my head and do a double-take. Only in Silicon Valley would a half of a million dollars to buy you a "ghetto" unit. Can you just imagine how destitute the poor unfortunates must be who can only manage 500 grand for a roof over their heads? And the children, the children...

All I can say is if you're planning to move out here, and it seems like plenty of people are, you better bring water (drought), insurance (earthquake, fire, flood), and lots and lots of cash.

Oh, and your SUV, of course.

Meet John Doe

As awful as it was to see Eight Bells break her ankles at the Kentucky Derby and then have to be euthanized right there on the track, I think the audience can at least take some comfort in knowing that things didn't turn out all bad for the young philly - at least she will be spared the agony of another month of Democratic primaries. Praise thee our Lord, thou art a most merciful God.

Not that I mean to demean the political process, mind you - the debating of issues, the arguing of positions, the constant probing of character - each candidate standing before the American people and presenting the qualities that prove their worthiness to command the ship of government. Democracy is truly a remarkable thing. However, enough is enough. After months and months of probing and all the "he said, she said", is there really anything left to say that hasn't been said already?

What's really frightening, though, and what I simply cannot understand is that even after all this time there are still some Democratic voters who are undecided. Can you believe that? Day after day, week after week, month after month, and you're still undecided? Do you really think that there is stilll something we don't know about these candidates that is going to tip your vote one way or the other? Personally, I think anyone who's still undecided after a year and a half of campaigning should be disqualified from voting. Period.

"Pardon me, are you a registered Democrat?"

"Yes I am."

"Are you planning to vote in the upcoming primary?"

"Yes I am."

"Great. Do you mind if I ask which candidate do you intend to vote for?"

"Well, I'm not sure. I'm still undecided."

"YOUR WHAT! After all this time? What the hell could you possibly not know about these candidates that hasn't been gone over at least a hundred times before?"

"Well, I'd like to hear their positions on inner city weed whacking and Burundian prison reform. The media's just been ignoring those issues."

"Really? You think the media hasn't reported just about every nuance and facet of these campaings till you're sick of hearing about it? Till you want to tear out your hair and scream? Till you want to grab some reporter by the throat and say 'can we just get on to the election already'?"

"You know I think they'd both make a good President, but..I don't know. I like Clinton, but then I like Obama too."

"You can't decide?"

"I don't know. I think I can decide."

"Ok, that does it. I'm gonna have to revoke your voting priveleges. A year and half and you still can't decide? That's unacceptable. Come with me, please. Did you bring a coat?"

"You know I wasn't sure if I should bring a coat today or not. I was wondering 'Is it going to be too hot for a coat, or if I don't bring one will it be too cold? Should I even bother coming down here today or should I just watch the election on TV? If I do come down here and bring a coat will I be sorry I did? Should I just wait at home to see what the weather's like and then decide if I should bring a coat or not? And if I wait at home then shouldn't I just watch it on TV and not worry about whether to bring a coat or not. Or maybe, if I don't have a coat and it's too cold then could I then go back home and watch it on TV? Would it better to bring a sweater instead? That way it wouldn't be heavy like a coat if it's too hot, but still enough to keep me warm if it's too cold. And if I stay home I could still wear a sweater in the house and that way if it's too cold I won't have to run the furnace but if it's too hot I...'"

"I swear to God. If you don't stop right now I'm going to put down this microphone and beat you up."

"What (hmmph)?"

"People like you have no business in the voting booth. You hear me? We've been at it for 15 months and you still can't make up your mind? That's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. That's it. I'm having you removed from the voting rolls. The American people can only wait so long for people like you to get a clue, and then it's time to move on. I know that's sounds harsh, but unless someone comes to a decision around here this election will never end."

"I can make up my mind, I just need more time, that's all."

"No. No more time. Time's up. Who's it gonna be?"

"Can't we have just one more debate?"

"No. No more debates."

"Isn't there any more dirt we can dig up? Have we checked out all the friends and family members?"

"No. No more dirt. Decide."

"Uh...um...er...oh, I can't. I can't. It's not fair. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings."

"In politics there are always going to be losers. Now decide."

"I can't. I can't I tell you. You decide for me."

"I can't decide for you. You're the one who has to mark the ballot."

"Well, who does everyone else like?"

"Right now it looks like Obama's in the lead."

"Ok, then I'll do that, I guess. He's going to win anyways, right?"

"So that's it. You're no longer undecided?"

"No. I'll vote for Obama."

"Great. The voting booth is right over there."

"Oh, do I have to vote right now? Can't I go later?"

"No, you have to vote right now."

"But what if I vote for Obama and then decide I really like Clinton better. Shouldn't I wait until I..."

"Hey Tom. You mind coming over here a moment and holding this microphone for me."

Just Kickin' It

They want four bucks a gallon for gas, the security lines at the airport are moving slower and slower, the planes are all full of passengers and running late, and the trains...the trains? Sorry, I live in California, and we don't do trains. I really admire all of you road warriors out there, but I don't need the hassle and I can't afford the gas, so the only thing left to do is go local.

Luckily, there are lots of local sites to see out where I live. You know, beaches, redwoods, mountains, theaters and restaurants and all that. Today I decided to play local tourist and put up a quick little post, but instead of writing about the major attractions I decided I'd focus on a couple of local ones instead. So, I packed my little cameraphone in my pocket and off I went.

The first stop was the local gas station for a couple of gallons of gas and away I went up Mt. Hamilton Road. Mt. Hamilton is just east of the Silicon Valley and rises to a majestic height of 4,000 feet or so above the valley floor. To get there you take the only road going east, that being the aptly named Mt. Hamilton Road. The road is one of the last remaining links to the Valley's rural past and was originally built back in the 1870's by the County of Santa Clara for one specific purpose - to provide a means for James Lick to reach the top of the mountain where he could build his famous observatory. The road was finished and the observatory built, and ever since then the "chrome domes" have perched ominously atop the distant mountain.

It's approximately 30 miles from downtown San Jose to the Lick Observatory, but the drive is very demanding. Mt. Hamilton Road was originally built for horses and wagons, not automobiles, and careful drivers can plan on about a 2 hour drive to the top (although a raucous carful of drunken teenagers can usually make it in about 45 minutes, but that's a topic for another day). A more popular way to make it to the top is by bicycle, and on weekends it might be fair to say if that the cyclists outnumber the automobiles on Mt. Hamilton Road. Be forewarned, however, it's a narrow road and drivers need to keep an attentive eye out for cyclists, although their dorky looking cycling costumes make them pretty easy to spot.

I didn't take car or bike but rode my motorcycle up the mountain. As it turns out, this is probably not the best way to travel this road. There are parts where the road is open with the kind of swooping curves that bikers love, but for the most part the road is full of potholes and blind curves and tight, tight switchbacks. My bike is pretty nimble and light, and I can't imagine slugging it out through those switchbacks on some 700 pound hog. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then just walk out to some biker bar and ask one of the hairy gents with the prison tats stenciled on his head if you can borrow his Harley for a while. If he agrees then get on the bike and go out in the parking lot and do nothing but tight, low speed U-turns for about 45 minutes. That's the kind of fun you'd be having trying to slog your way up those switchbacks on a Harley.

Anyway, at the top of the Mountain sits the observatory. In total there are about 9 or 10 telescopes up there, but the Lick's claim to fame are the original 36 inch refractor and the 120 reflector. The public can view both telescopes, but the only one the public can actually look through is the 36 inch refractor, and then only during special public viewings.

I've been up to see the refractor around 4 or 5 times during my life, and actually looked through it once when I was a very young child. Even though it's nearly 150 year old, it's still an impressive piece of equipment. The telescope itself weighs in at around 7 tons, with an added 7 ton counterweight. Even at this enormous size, however, the telescope is so perfectly balanced that it can easily be maneuvered by hand.

Once you've seen the telescopes and visited the gift shop and taken in some of the views, then there's not much to do but come back down mountain. Along the way you'll pass Grant Ranch Park which has some of the best hiking and mountain biking trails in the valley, so bring your hiking boots if you feel up to the challenge. Another warning: Grant Ranch gets very hot and dusty during the summer, so bring lots and lots of water and try to hit the trails early in the morning.

When I got back to the valley I decided to take a little ride out to one of my favorite valley spots. For those of you who don't remember (or don't care), back in the sixties and seventies the City of Santa Clara had one of the most prestigious swimming clubs in the country, called, oddly enough, the Santa Clara Swim Club, which, in it's heyday, boasted probably the two most famous swimmers in the country - Donna de Varona and Mark Spitz.

The swim club is still very much alive, although not so much in the limelight as in it's former days. It sits rather nondescriptly behind the City Library, and other than the plaques on the wall and two very prominent pictures of De Varona and Spitz in the main entrance area, seems to make very little fuss about it's illustrious past. In fact it would be hard to call it a real tourist destination; it's really nothing more than a point of interest.

Still, back when I used to live out around there I used to love to walk over to the pool and think of all the Olympic history that got it's start right there. In fact I remember one afternoon I walked over and got to see Janet Evans swim an event. She didn't swim for the club, but she was there with the Stanford Swimming Team swimming some sort of mete. It was amazing. I didn't have to pay any admission fee or anything like that. I just took a seat in the bleachers and watched a world record holder and multiple olympic gold medalist swim a few races. Don't you wish sports was still like that?

That's my post.