Just a Couple of Musical Oddities and Endities

I tried so hard to be a rock star back when I was growing up. It's kind of sad to think back on it now. How many guitar lessons did I take, how much time did I spend hanging around the music room, how many nights of practice, practice, practice, and for what? Nothing, that's what. And I tried so hard to learn everything, and I tried so hard to unlock all this great musical talent I had inside. I knew if I just perservered and taught my fingers the right things to do then I could do it.

But for some reason, all I got for my efforts was a lot of calloused fingers and broken dreams (sigh). I just couldn't figure it out. I played all the same notes that Eric and Jimi and Carlos did, I bent and hammered and twisted those strings just like they did, but for some reason the results were never the same. It was strange, they sounded so crisp, so clean, they had so much sting, and I always sounded so...

out of tune.

Well, time passed and eventually I abandoned my rock star dreams, deciding, as this blog has so plainly evidenced, to become a great thinker instead. But still, I often wonder how far I could have gone if only I had been able to keep that guitar of mine in tune.

I'm bringing this up now not because I want to wallow in self-pity or anguish over what could have been, but because of a new product that some fellow named Neil Skinn has come up with. I read about it at News.com and you can read the article here if you'd like. If you don't feel like reading the entire article then let me just hit on the high points.

Skinn's device is something he calls The Performer and what it does is automatically tune electric guitars. As the article explains, for around $3,500.00 and about 8 oz. of extra weight, Skinn will equip your Strat or Les Paul with magnetic sensors and electric motors that will automatically keep that axe of yours in perfect pitch. You simply strum the open strings, press a button, let the sensors listen to the strings while the motors make the necessary adjustments, and in about 5 seconds your tuned and ready to wail.

Oh man, where was this thing 30 years ago.

I'm not kidding, if I had one of these back then I coulda' gone straight to the top. I mean it. Forget about all these synthesizers and drum machines and mixers and fancy electronic doodads that are supposed to be revolutionizing music making these days. This here is the high tech device that would have made me a star. Oh, if only, if only...

Well, anyways, I thought it was an interesting bit of news. No help to me now, of course, but I'm not going to be bitter. I had the talent, I had the desire, but I didn't have the high tech. That's just the way it goes.

And while I'm on the topic of high tech in music, did you hear about the HP Scanner that plays Beethoven? Yeah, no kidding. If you've ever used a scanner before then you probably know that sort of squeaky rubber sound the stepper motor makes as it moves the scan head back and forth. It's sort of a "eeeee eeeeee eeeeee" sound, and it's most noticable as the scanner is first starting up.

Well, some guy apparently found a hidden feature in his HP Scanjet 3c/4c scanner that, when activated, uses the squeak of the motor to play Beethoven's Fur Elise. He even shot a video of it and posted it to the net. It's pretty funny but, unfortunately, the video was so popular and his site was getting so many hits that he had to take it down. I dug around and managed to find another copy of it, but the site that's hosting the file is kind of X-Rated so I'm a little reluctant to link to it.

Oh, what the hell, if you want to see Beethoven played on an HP Scanjet then you can find it here, but don't say I didn't warn you about some of the other content you're gonna find.

And that's all for me folks. I'm afraid that tonight it's just one of those short, pointless blogs that I seem to be so good at.