Such Stuff As Dreams Are Made On

Now don't get me wrong. I think new technology is swell - I really do. But every now and then something comes along that you just know is never gonna work. Tonight's tech mistake is something called Pandora, and you can find it at www.pandora.com.

What is it you ask? Well, here's the idea. What if you could tell your computer the name of a song or an artist you like and the computer could come back with other song's it thinks you will also like but may not have heard before. Would that be useful? Not really, but that was the idea the Music Genome Project came up with, and Pandora is the name they gave to their little brainchild. What Pandora does is scrutinize a song or artist you like and then it assembles, through some kind of genius analysis, a customized radio station that contains other songs that it believes you will like as well.

Ok, that was a terrible explanation. Let me just tell you about my experience with Pandora.

The first thing Pandora asked me to do was create a new station by entering a song or an artist I liked. Of course I immediately typed in Hilary Hahn (my favorite musical superstar) and hit enter. This started little dots flashing across the screen while Pandora analyzed my input and then, after giving it some considerable thought, it somewhat confusedly came back to me with this.

"Did you mean Hilary Duff?"

Well no, Pandora, I didn't mean Hilary Duff, although I could see how a sophisticated analytical engine could make such a mistake. I myself get them confused all the time. Hilary Hahn, the concert violinist and Hilary Duff, the teen beat sensation - they're artistic styles are so musically close. Oh well, I shrugged, maybe Pandora was just having a bad day.

It seemed to me the best thing to do was just to start all over again. This time instead of entering an instrumentalist like Hilary Hahn I thought I'd try and internationally renowned soprano like Renee Fleming. Surely, Pandora would have no problem matching her. So I typed in Renee Fleming, hit enter, watched the little dots go back and forth, and got yet another quizzical response.

"Did you mean Tommy Fleming?"

Tommy Fleming? Are you kidding me? I put in the name of a superstar soprano and you come back with an Irish folksinger I've never even heard of. Sheesh...you call that a match? Ok, ok, I won't get upset. Obviously, Pandora is geared towards teen idols and pop stars so I'll try one of those instead. Only problem is I don't really know any pop stars. Not current ones anyways.

I know, I'll try Lori McKenna. She's not really a pop star but she is a great singer-songwriter that I really like, and she was on Oprah last month. If she was good enough for Oprah then she ought to be good enough for Pandora, right? Once again, I typed in Lori McKenna, hit enter, blinking lights, and...presto! This time I got a match. And lo and behold, it's -

Lori McKenna.

Wait a minute. I type in Lori McKenna's name and, after much scrutiny and analysis, Pandora has determined that since I like Lori McKenna so much I might also like to hear other songs by the same person. This program is brilliant. It never would have ocurred to me that if I like one song by an artist that I might also like another one of her songs too. You can't buy that kind of insight. I tell ya', sometimes I just have to gape and wonder and ask what did we poor humans ever do before this new fangled hi-tech stuff came along? Just listened to first track on a CD, I guess, and then sat there too dumb to go on to track 2 . Not anymore. Not now that we have Pandora. It's a new age, my friend.

Oh ok, I thought, maybe I wasn't being fair. After all, Lori McKenna isn't exactly a household name and there probably aren't a lot of artists out there like her anyways, so maybe I should skip the sarcasm and try inputting a song instead. A top forty hit would be good. Something from the days of my youth that Pandora would be able to analyze and match in it's extensive database. I racked my brain and then I remembered an old 70's favorite of mine by The Eagles called "One of These Nights." Ah, how that song brings back the memories. The carefree days and the hot summer nights, the beach parties and the sand in your sleeping bag, the lithe bodies of winsome girls and the parking spots where we would stop and gaze out over the twinkling lights of the city. Yeah, those were the days and it all seems so long ago. "One of These Nights" would be a good one to try.

And so I typed it in, hit enter, got past the blinking lights and this time Pandora finally starts to do it's thing. And the first match is -

"Interesting Drug" by Morrisey.

Huh? I'm thinking of winsome girls and late summer nights and Pandora comes up with a drug song? Fortunately Pandora has a feature that tells you why it thought I might like this particular song, so I clicked it and here's what it said.

"It features basic rock song structure, subtle use of vocal harmony, mild rhythmic syncopation, mixed acoustic and electric instrumentation, and major key tonality."

Is that why I like that old Eagles song? Because of it's sycopated rhythms and major key tonality? Does this mean that I can't like anything legato or in a minor key? Oh brother. Sorry, Pandora, you just don't get it. Music is in the heart and the soul. It's not like chemistry where you can break it down into molecules and atoms and formulate new compounds. To say I like that Picasso over there doesn't mean I will similarly like a lesser painting just because it has 3 eyeballs and a foot sticking out it's ear. Music is ideas and emotions and memories and a thousand other things that speak to our humanity, not our science. Sure, technology is swell, but it has it's limits.

And I'm not playing with Pandora anymore. Geez, it's so depressing. Not even my computer understands me.