Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Here, There, and Everywhere
(It's been a while since Dead Cat sat down to talk with Google co-founder Sergey Brin. Since he lives in the area we thought it was time we caught up with him and find out what's cooking at everybody's favorite search engine company. Although he's worth an estimated 16 billion dollars, it's a little known secret that Sergey likes to lunch on 49 cent Jack-In-The-Box tacos. That's where we sat down with him for this interview.)
DC: Sergey, good to talk with you again.
SB: Thanks. Hey, they didn't give me any hot sauce.
DC: Want me to get some for you?
SB: No, it's not important.
DC: So, other than the taco, how are things going? Are Google's plans for world domination still on schedule?
SB: C'mon, you know we're just a search engine company. When you get to be a huge multinational company people tend to overreact, but underneath it all we're still just an internet company, and we certainly don't have any plans for world domination.
DC: On the level?
SB: I've got no further comment on that.
DC: Ok, how about this rumored "Google Phone" that we keep hearing about. Any truth to the rumors?
SB: As you know, Google is constantly researching new technologies and new opportunities for growth. We have been taking a look at the mobile phone market, but it's way too early to know if anything will come of it.
DC: Why the phone business?
SB: Well it's been estimated that there are roughly 2 billion mobile phone users around the world today. That's about 1/3 of the earth's total population. With those kind of numbers it's only natural that advertisers would want to tap into that market, and Google thinks that is going to be a significant market in the future.
DC: You mean ads on our cellphones?
SB: Yes. Traditional advertising to be sure, but we think that with more and more people using their phones for internet access, something unobtrusive like Google AdSense would be a nice fit.
DC: Google's going to put ads on my cellphone? I already pay out the wazoo for cellular service, and now Google wants me to pay to get ads too?
SB: Let me ask you this. How would you feel about a free phone, with no contract, in exchange for a few AdSense ads appearing on your phone? I think many people will find an offer like that very appealing.
DC: It sounds fascist to me. A little big-brotherish, if you know what I mean.
SB: Why would you say that?
DC: Because, it's my phone. I don't want to walk around with a little billboard in my pocket that's constantly messing with my head and trying to get me to buy stuff. A phone is supposed to be something you talk into, not something that's trying to sell you a big screen TV.
SB: I don't think the younger generation sees it that way. I think advertising and brand awareness are very important to them. Let me ask you something, have you ever seen a young person when he's not being advertised to? Have you ever seen them when they're not plugged into something? What happens. They get bored, that's what happened. They get sweaty and anxious without a constant stream of commercials coursing through their brains. That's why branding is so important. A young person today doesn't ask "who am I" or "where did I come from" or "what will I do with my life" - they ask "what's my brand identity?" That's their whole concept of being.
DC: You're mad, Sergey. You know that don't you?
SB: Ad supported is the wave of the future, Dead Cat, and Google is going to be a leader, not a follower.
DC: So what else are you guys working on besides the "Google Phone"?
SB: Well we do have one project that I'm particularly excited about but I'm afraid I can't discuss that now.
DC: Oh c'mon Sergey, you know that no one reads this blog. Believe me, your secret is safe here.
SB: You're sure no one reads this?
DC: Positive.
SB: Ok, try this on for size. How does "Google Dreams" grab you?
DC: "Google Dreams"? You don't mean...
SB: Exactly. Just think about it. We spend 1/3 of our lives sleeping. That's 1/3 of our lives that's been out of the reach of advertisers. At least, until now.
DC: No, no, no...Now wait a minute. Are you saying advertisers are going to put ads into our dreams?
SB: There's been some very exciting work in this field, and we think the technology is just about ready to roll out. What do you think of an AdSense ad that not only appears on your computer screen, but also embeds itself into your subconscious and waits there for you to fall asleep before re-emerging in your dreams?
DC: I don't think I'll ever want to fall asleep again.
SB: The money Google can make from selling AdWords would be enormous. How much do you think it would be worth for a brand like Folgers or Maxwell House to buy a word like "coffee" and insert it in your dreams, so that when you wake up in the morning the first thing you're thinking is "Mmmmm, I sure could go for a cup of Folgers." Or MacDonalds, maybe. They might like to buy "hungry" so that you'd wake up craving one of their breakfast combo meals. I tell you the potential is enormous.
DC: Or Pfizer could buy the words "Angelina Jolie" so that everytime you dream of her you'd get a Viagra ad.
SB: Exactly! Something like that.
DC: Google ads on my desktop, Google ads on my laptop, Google ads on my cellphone, and now Google ads in my dreams. My God, you guys really are planning to take over the world.
SB: We're just bringing new efficiencies to the market, that's all, and the internet has made it possible.
DC: Now you've got me scared, Sergey. Anything else on Google's radar screen?
SB: "Google Graves"?
DC: Google what?
SB: You know funerals are very expensive. I think a lot of people would gladly accept some discreet, tasteful advertising in exchange for a free funeral service and grave site.
DC: Advertising? Where?
SB: On the headstone. You know, maybe a 1-800-flowers ad or something like that. Very respectful. Or maybe a health spa ad. You know, a 24 hour Fitness or someone like that could place something on the headstone as well.
DC: You mean something like "Don't end up like Fred. Call 24 Hour Fitness for your free trial membership."
SB: Sure. Something like that.
DC: Well thanks for talking with us Sergey. As always, it's been a frightening look into the future.
SB: Don't be frightened. When the world finally let's go of its fear and goes Google, it will be a better place.
DC: Now I'm really scared.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
More Boring Guitar Stuff
F G A B flat C D E F
Oh, hello. I hope you don't mind if I practice my scales while I post tonight. The weather's been so nice that I haven't felt like staying inside and practicing my music, so I have to do a little multitasking if I want to blog and still get in my scale work.
F E D C B flat A G B
As you know I got this book called "Beginning Jazz Guitar" so I could bone-up on my music theory, and exercise my fingers at the same time. The book is called "Beginning Jazz Guitar", by the way, and not "Jazz Guitar for Beginners" because you have to know the basics before you can start in with it. Anyways, it starts you off with scale work (the chromatic scale, for those following along at home), and the first lesson was learning the chromatic scale with what is called 6-2 fingering.
G flat A flat B flat B D flat E flat F G flat
So all last week I practiced the 6-2, and when I finally had it down I put the DVD back in the machine and played back the lesson, and, wouldn't you know it, I had been playing the fingerings all wrong. That's the problem with being self-taught; if there had been a live teacher then he/she would have pointed out the problem immediately. Instead, I went the whole week doing it wrong and now I've got to go back and learn it all over. Grrrr.....
G flat F E flat D flat B flat A flat G flat
But I really like the book. In fact it's part of a series put out by the National Guitar Workshop and published by Alfred Music. There are other supplemental books that go along with it on theory for guitar, fretboard knowledge and ear training that provide more in-depth material on the concepts covered. I got the theory and fretboard books, and I learned the best trick yet for learning the guitar fretboard.
G A B C sharp D E F sharp G
Yeah, I know, who cares, but listen, people pay 50 or 60 bucks an hour to learn this stuff, and I'm giving it to you for free. Besides, if you're learning the guitar you'll want to know this, and if you have a child that's learning then it's important for you to sit down and talk to them about this. Believe me, they'll be glad you did, and, let's face it, practicing scales gets a little boring so I need something to keep my mind busy.
G F sharp E D C sharp B A G
The concept is called the "Warped W", and it is handiest thing I've ever seen for learning the guitar fretboard. As some of you may know, because of its system of white keys and black keys, it takes about 5 minutes to learn the names of the keys on a piano. All you have to do is learn the pattern and you instantly know the name of any key on the keyboard. Unfortunately, on a guitar you don't have any white keys and black keys, so that makes learning the notes a little more difficult.
A flat B flat C D E flat F A flat
The "Warped W" is a pattern on the fretboard that allows you to visualize the notes, just as the white and black keys do on the piano. The system is easy. You start with string 6. Hopefully you know the notes going up the fretboard on string 6 just from playing your basic barre chords, but if you don't it'll only take you a few minutes to memorize them. So, you start with string 6, at, say, fret 1, which would be an F.
A flat F E flat D C B flat A flat
Now, to find the other F's on the fretboard going across all six strings you just need to know these four shortcuts: 4(2), 2(3), 5(2), 3(2), 6(2). Since string 1 is just 2 octaves above string 6, you don't really need to worry about that one. If you can find the note on string 6, you can find it on string 1. So what do the funny numbers mean?
A B C sharp D sharp E F sharp G sharp A
Well if string 6, fret 1 is an F, then to find the next F up the neck you up 2 frets and it will be on string 4, then go up 3 frets and it will be on string 2, then up 2 frets to string 5, and up another 2 frets to string 3, and finally up 2 more frets and back to string 6. If you draw that out on a fretboard diagram it will look a little like a "W" tilted to the right, hence the name "Warped W". Now, if you've got that memorized you can start to do some advanced note finding.
A G sharp F sharp E D sharp C sharp B A
For example, your playing the 6th fret of string 4, what note is that? Well, if you look at the diagram you'll see that all you have to do is subtract 2 frets from string 4 and then read the note off of string 6. In this case, 4 minus 2 equals 2, and the 2nd fret on string 6 is an F sharp, so you're playing an F sharp. With a little practice you can find the notes very quickly. On string 4 you subtract 2 frets, on string 2 you subtract 5 frets, on string 5 you subtract 7 frets, and on string 3 you subtract 9 frets. So, if your playing fret 6 on string 3, you subtract 9 frets which gives you a negative 3, which is the same as 3 frets below fret 12 (think about it) or fret 9. Fret 9 on the 6 string is a C sharp, so you know your note is a C sharp.
B flat C D E flat F G A B flat
It's sounds complicated the way I explain it, but it's very simple. Just remember 4(2), 2(3), 5(2), 3(2), and 6(2), and you'll see what I mean. It also makes it easy to do things like chord inversions because you can always find the nearest alternate finger position for any given note. Very handy, and I'm giving it to you free of charge.
B flat A G F E flat D C B flat
Sorry for such a boring post tonight, but this is what's on my mind. I feel like a kid again learning all this music stuff that I should have learned years and years ago. I even went out and bought a copy of Guitar Player Magazine the other day. I haven't read that Mag since I was about 13 years old, and it's still as useless as ever, but it's like I'm reverting back to my teen years. That's not necessarily a good thing, but it has me feeling young again.
By the way, they now have 2 versions of Guitar Player Magazine - one is the same old rock 'n roll magazine it's always been, the the other is called "Guitar Player Magazine Acoustic". The difference between the two is that the regular "Guitar Player" talks about musicians before they've entered rehab, and "Guitar Player Acoustic" deals with musicians after they've left.
It's true. You look at "Guitar Player" and it's all these rock 'n roll, party animal, trash the hotel room types, and you look at "Guitar Player Acoustic" and it has these old gray-haired guys who've showered and shaved and are into organic foods and herbal supplements.
Oh well, we all get older don't we.
Oh, hello. I hope you don't mind if I practice my scales while I post tonight. The weather's been so nice that I haven't felt like staying inside and practicing my music, so I have to do a little multitasking if I want to blog and still get in my scale work.
F E D C B flat A G B
As you know I got this book called "Beginning Jazz Guitar" so I could bone-up on my music theory, and exercise my fingers at the same time. The book is called "Beginning Jazz Guitar", by the way, and not "Jazz Guitar for Beginners" because you have to know the basics before you can start in with it. Anyways, it starts you off with scale work (the chromatic scale, for those following along at home), and the first lesson was learning the chromatic scale with what is called 6-2 fingering.
G flat A flat B flat B D flat E flat F G flat
So all last week I practiced the 6-2, and when I finally had it down I put the DVD back in the machine and played back the lesson, and, wouldn't you know it, I had been playing the fingerings all wrong. That's the problem with being self-taught; if there had been a live teacher then he/she would have pointed out the problem immediately. Instead, I went the whole week doing it wrong and now I've got to go back and learn it all over. Grrrr.....
G flat F E flat D flat B flat A flat G flat
But I really like the book. In fact it's part of a series put out by the National Guitar Workshop and published by Alfred Music. There are other supplemental books that go along with it on theory for guitar, fretboard knowledge and ear training that provide more in-depth material on the concepts covered. I got the theory and fretboard books, and I learned the best trick yet for learning the guitar fretboard.
G A B C sharp D E F sharp G
Yeah, I know, who cares, but listen, people pay 50 or 60 bucks an hour to learn this stuff, and I'm giving it to you for free. Besides, if you're learning the guitar you'll want to know this, and if you have a child that's learning then it's important for you to sit down and talk to them about this. Believe me, they'll be glad you did, and, let's face it, practicing scales gets a little boring so I need something to keep my mind busy.
G F sharp E D C sharp B A G
The concept is called the "Warped W", and it is handiest thing I've ever seen for learning the guitar fretboard. As some of you may know, because of its system of white keys and black keys, it takes about 5 minutes to learn the names of the keys on a piano. All you have to do is learn the pattern and you instantly know the name of any key on the keyboard. Unfortunately, on a guitar you don't have any white keys and black keys, so that makes learning the notes a little more difficult.
A flat B flat C D E flat F A flat
The "Warped W" is a pattern on the fretboard that allows you to visualize the notes, just as the white and black keys do on the piano. The system is easy. You start with string 6. Hopefully you know the notes going up the fretboard on string 6 just from playing your basic barre chords, but if you don't it'll only take you a few minutes to memorize them. So, you start with string 6, at, say, fret 1, which would be an F.
A flat F E flat D C B flat A flat
Now, to find the other F's on the fretboard going across all six strings you just need to know these four shortcuts: 4(2), 2(3), 5(2), 3(2), 6(2). Since string 1 is just 2 octaves above string 6, you don't really need to worry about that one. If you can find the note on string 6, you can find it on string 1. So what do the funny numbers mean?
A B C sharp D sharp E F sharp G sharp A
Well if string 6, fret 1 is an F, then to find the next F up the neck you up 2 frets and it will be on string 4, then go up 3 frets and it will be on string 2, then up 2 frets to string 5, and up another 2 frets to string 3, and finally up 2 more frets and back to string 6. If you draw that out on a fretboard diagram it will look a little like a "W" tilted to the right, hence the name "Warped W". Now, if you've got that memorized you can start to do some advanced note finding.
A G sharp F sharp E D sharp C sharp B A
For example, your playing the 6th fret of string 4, what note is that? Well, if you look at the diagram you'll see that all you have to do is subtract 2 frets from string 4 and then read the note off of string 6. In this case, 4 minus 2 equals 2, and the 2nd fret on string 6 is an F sharp, so you're playing an F sharp. With a little practice you can find the notes very quickly. On string 4 you subtract 2 frets, on string 2 you subtract 5 frets, on string 5 you subtract 7 frets, and on string 3 you subtract 9 frets. So, if your playing fret 6 on string 3, you subtract 9 frets which gives you a negative 3, which is the same as 3 frets below fret 12 (think about it) or fret 9. Fret 9 on the 6 string is a C sharp, so you know your note is a C sharp.
B flat C D E flat F G A B flat
It's sounds complicated the way I explain it, but it's very simple. Just remember 4(2), 2(3), 5(2), 3(2), and 6(2), and you'll see what I mean. It also makes it easy to do things like chord inversions because you can always find the nearest alternate finger position for any given note. Very handy, and I'm giving it to you free of charge.
B flat A G F E flat D C B flat
Sorry for such a boring post tonight, but this is what's on my mind. I feel like a kid again learning all this music stuff that I should have learned years and years ago. I even went out and bought a copy of Guitar Player Magazine the other day. I haven't read that Mag since I was about 13 years old, and it's still as useless as ever, but it's like I'm reverting back to my teen years. That's not necessarily a good thing, but it has me feeling young again.
By the way, they now have 2 versions of Guitar Player Magazine - one is the same old rock 'n roll magazine it's always been, the the other is called "Guitar Player Magazine Acoustic". The difference between the two is that the regular "Guitar Player" talks about musicians before they've entered rehab, and "Guitar Player Acoustic" deals with musicians after they've left.
It's true. You look at "Guitar Player" and it's all these rock 'n roll, party animal, trash the hotel room types, and you look at "Guitar Player Acoustic" and it has these old gray-haired guys who've showered and shaved and are into organic foods and herbal supplements.
Oh well, we all get older don't we.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Man Candy
Did I just spend $1,100 for a pair of sunglasses? Well, yes, I did, but thanks to the miracle of modern health care they only set me back $400 bucks. I don't know how I ended up with such a generous vision plan, but all I can say is "thank god for full employment" (knock on wood).
So what do you get for $1,100 that you couldn't get for $9.99 at Walgreens? How about a pair of Maui Jim's with a flexon titanium frame and polarized, polycarbonate progressive lenses. These things are light and strong (unbreakable, or so flexon claims), and, if I do so myself, very sexy looking.
I mean, let's be honest here; I look good in these glasses. What can I say. Some people are just naturally cool, and these are some cool looking shades. That's a picture of me over on the left there. Well...almost. It's basically what I look like if instead of a young, hunky looking guy wearing his Maui Jim's you imagine some old, fat guy wearing his Maui Jim's, but the basic idea is the same.Yeah, the chicks dig me, and why not. You take all that raw, animal magnetism and dress it up in a pair of Maui Jim's, and the ladies don't stand a chance, you know what I mean. You don't? You think I'm kidding? Well, I just want all you guys out there, all of you losers who don't have a cool pair of shades, to take a look at the picture below and see the kind of action I'm geting. Ha, eat your heart out.
(Maybe with a facelift and some liposuction I could be getting that kind of action)
Anyways, I think I'm gonna go down to da' club now and hang for a while. Not to drink or anything like that, but just to stand there with my Maui Jim's and strike sexy poses. You know, with one hand in my pocket and a sort of masculine stare on my face that betrays nothing but promises everything. Yeah, the chicks really go for that sort of thing.
So see ya' later, and if there's no blog post tomorrow that just means I'm busy with the ladies. Oh yeah.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I Read The News Today, Oh Boy
As if people talking on their cellphones while driving wasn't bad enough, read this article from the Wall Street Journal (subscription required) that describes the new phenomena called DWT, or Driving While Texting. Yep, that's right. It seems that increasing numbers of drivers are either checking their email or SMS'ing or IM'ing while driving their vehicles. According to the article, 37% of drivers between the ages of 18 and 27 do it, and why not. What better thing to do while you're screaming down the highway at 70 mph than squinting down to look at a little 3 inch screen. I tell ya', with all the distracted drivers on the roads it's getting to the point where it's just not safe to leave your driveway anymore.
Of course nowadays your higher-end cars you have radar that can detect when you're getting to close to another vehicle, and I guess they should probably get those things installed on all new cars as soon as possible. That way you can be talking on the phone and checking your email and eating your lunch and watching TV and playing video games, all while reading the paper or putting on your makeup, and if you get too close to another vehicle the radar will kick in and perform some sort of evasive maneuver for you. That's what it's gonna come to, you know. Instead of attentively streaming through the capillaries and arteries of our roads and highway systems, we'll all be doing other things as our cars electronically bounce off each other like a bunch of ping pong balls. Probably take a half a day just to go 2 blocks, but hey, at least we'll be entertained.
Ooh boy, I wanna tell you...
(ding-dong)
What's that? Uh-oh, someone's at the door. Maybe if I'm real quiet they'll think nobody's home.
(ding-dong, ding-dong)
Crap. I wonder who it is? You know, maybe I told you this story, but one time around New Years the doorbell rang, and I went down to answer it, and when I opened the door there was one of the most beautiful Vietnamese women I ever saw in my life standing on my doorstep. Apparently she was looking for her friend's house and got the addresses mixed up, and it was like -
"Hello. Is this the Tran residence?"
"What."
"Does Linda Tran live here?"
(Now keep in mind this woman was incredibly fine. What us old timers would call a looker, with long, silky black hair, gorgeous eyes, a beautiful face and a sleek, slender body. Grrrrrrr......)
"The Tran residence?", I said, my eyes staring right at her and my pulse running about 300 beats per second. "Yeah, this is the Tran residence. Sure, why not. C'mon in."
"No, I'm looking for Linda. Is there a Linda here?"
"Oh, you're one of Linda's friends. She's my sister...my, uh, older sister. She just went down to the store but she should be right back. Why don't you come in and wait."
"No, I think I must have the wrong house."
"Oh, don't say that. It's the right house. Believe me, it's the right house. This house. This house is the right house."
"Is this ____________?"
"___________? Um, um...no, I'm sorry. _________ is the next street over."
"Oh, I thought this didn't seem right. I must have missed my turn. Well, thank you. You've been very helpful."
"Are you sure you wouldn't like to come in? (Please, please, come in. Don't make me beg.) You know, warm your bones a little. It's pretty cold out tonight."
"No, no thanks. Maybe some other time. Well, thanks for your help."
"Some other time? Did you say some other time? When? Tomorrow? Next week? How about later on tonight? I'll be here. I don't have anything to do except post to my stupid blog. Please come by again. Please. Do you need my number? Please come back. Please"
And she was gone.
(Unlike 90% of what I post that's a true story. Well, more or less.)
(ding-dong, ding-dong)
Alright already. Hey, wait a minute. Maybe that's her. Maybe that's that Vietnames girl. Maybe she decided to come back after all. I better go answer the door.
"Hello, is this the Myers residence?"
"Yes."
"Mr. Myers my name is Bob and I'm doing a survey for BigMedia, Inc. I wonder if you'd have a couple of minutes to answer a few questions about public sentiment?"
"Public sentiment?"
"Yes, that's right. We're trying to get an overall picture of just how the public is feeling these days. It won't take more than a minute if you don't mind."
"I don't mind."
"Good. First, can I ask you how you are feeling about life in general?"
"Pretty good. It's a beautiful day, I got my health, and nothing to complain about."
"Well, as you know the stock market has been taking quite a tumble lately. How does that make you feel?"
"Yeah, well that's kind of a bummer. But hey, it'll come back, and besides, I still got the house."
"What about housing prices? As you know they've been falling and foreclosures are on the rise."
"Yeah, I guess that's kind of a bummer too. I am feeling a little poorer come to think of it."
"Has the rising price of gasoline affected you in any way?"
"It's getting pretty expensive. Forty bucks to fill my tank, and I drive a fuel efficient car. Man, stocks are down, house prices are down, gas is up, and..."
"How about the war in Iraq? Are you comfortable with what's being accomplished there and the mounting casualties?"
"Well, no, how could I be. Yeah, come to think of it we've got falling stocks, falling house prices, rising gasoline, a war in Iraq, and ..."
"Does the gridlock in Washington concern you?"
"You know maybe I'm not that happy after all."
"Crime, pollution, corruption?"
"I think I'm getting a headache."
"Terrorism?"
"I think I need to go lie down."
"Corporate greed, government incompetence?"
"Please, no more, no more."
"Declining standards, failing schools, global warm..."
"All right, all right. You win. I feel terrible, ok. I feel just awful."
"Then you'd say you're feeling pessimistic about the future?"
"Yes, yes. We're all doomed."
"Thank you, that's all we wanted to know. BigMedia would like to thank you for your cooperation. Have a pleasant evening."
"I think I'm gonna go down to the garage and shoot myself. Good night and thanks for stopping by."
Well, that was certainly interesting. Let me see, what was I talking about before I got interrupted. Oh yeah...ah, who cares. We're all doomed, and nothing can save us except...
I wonder if that Vietnamese girl meant it when she said "some other time"?
Of course nowadays your higher-end cars you have radar that can detect when you're getting to close to another vehicle, and I guess they should probably get those things installed on all new cars as soon as possible. That way you can be talking on the phone and checking your email and eating your lunch and watching TV and playing video games, all while reading the paper or putting on your makeup, and if you get too close to another vehicle the radar will kick in and perform some sort of evasive maneuver for you. That's what it's gonna come to, you know. Instead of attentively streaming through the capillaries and arteries of our roads and highway systems, we'll all be doing other things as our cars electronically bounce off each other like a bunch of ping pong balls. Probably take a half a day just to go 2 blocks, but hey, at least we'll be entertained.
Ooh boy, I wanna tell you...
(ding-dong)
What's that? Uh-oh, someone's at the door. Maybe if I'm real quiet they'll think nobody's home.
(ding-dong, ding-dong)
Crap. I wonder who it is? You know, maybe I told you this story, but one time around New Years the doorbell rang, and I went down to answer it, and when I opened the door there was one of the most beautiful Vietnamese women I ever saw in my life standing on my doorstep. Apparently she was looking for her friend's house and got the addresses mixed up, and it was like -
"Hello. Is this the Tran residence?"
"What."
"Does Linda Tran live here?"
(Now keep in mind this woman was incredibly fine. What us old timers would call a looker, with long, silky black hair, gorgeous eyes, a beautiful face and a sleek, slender body. Grrrrrrr......)
"The Tran residence?", I said, my eyes staring right at her and my pulse running about 300 beats per second. "Yeah, this is the Tran residence. Sure, why not. C'mon in."
"No, I'm looking for Linda. Is there a Linda here?"
"Oh, you're one of Linda's friends. She's my sister...my, uh, older sister. She just went down to the store but she should be right back. Why don't you come in and wait."
"No, I think I must have the wrong house."
"Oh, don't say that. It's the right house. Believe me, it's the right house. This house. This house is the right house."
"Is this ____________?"
"___________? Um, um...no, I'm sorry. _________ is the next street over."
"Oh, I thought this didn't seem right. I must have missed my turn. Well, thank you. You've been very helpful."
"Are you sure you wouldn't like to come in? (Please, please, come in. Don't make me beg.) You know, warm your bones a little. It's pretty cold out tonight."
"No, no thanks. Maybe some other time. Well, thanks for your help."
"Some other time? Did you say some other time? When? Tomorrow? Next week? How about later on tonight? I'll be here. I don't have anything to do except post to my stupid blog. Please come by again. Please. Do you need my number? Please come back. Please"
And she was gone.
(Unlike 90% of what I post that's a true story. Well, more or less.)
(ding-dong, ding-dong)
Alright already. Hey, wait a minute. Maybe that's her. Maybe that's that Vietnames girl. Maybe she decided to come back after all. I better go answer the door.
"Hello, is this the Myers residence?"
"Yes."
"Mr. Myers my name is Bob and I'm doing a survey for BigMedia, Inc. I wonder if you'd have a couple of minutes to answer a few questions about public sentiment?"
"Public sentiment?"
"Yes, that's right. We're trying to get an overall picture of just how the public is feeling these days. It won't take more than a minute if you don't mind."
"I don't mind."
"Good. First, can I ask you how you are feeling about life in general?"
"Pretty good. It's a beautiful day, I got my health, and nothing to complain about."
"Well, as you know the stock market has been taking quite a tumble lately. How does that make you feel?"
"Yeah, well that's kind of a bummer. But hey, it'll come back, and besides, I still got the house."
"What about housing prices? As you know they've been falling and foreclosures are on the rise."
"Yeah, I guess that's kind of a bummer too. I am feeling a little poorer come to think of it."
"Has the rising price of gasoline affected you in any way?"
"It's getting pretty expensive. Forty bucks to fill my tank, and I drive a fuel efficient car. Man, stocks are down, house prices are down, gas is up, and..."
"How about the war in Iraq? Are you comfortable with what's being accomplished there and the mounting casualties?"
"Well, no, how could I be. Yeah, come to think of it we've got falling stocks, falling house prices, rising gasoline, a war in Iraq, and ..."
"Does the gridlock in Washington concern you?"
"You know maybe I'm not that happy after all."
"Crime, pollution, corruption?"
"I think I'm getting a headache."
"Terrorism?"
"I think I need to go lie down."
"Corporate greed, government incompetence?"
"Please, no more, no more."
"Declining standards, failing schools, global warm..."
"All right, all right. You win. I feel terrible, ok. I feel just awful."
"Then you'd say you're feeling pessimistic about the future?"
"Yes, yes. We're all doomed."
"Thank you, that's all we wanted to know. BigMedia would like to thank you for your cooperation. Have a pleasant evening."
"I think I'm gonna go down to the garage and shoot myself. Good night and thanks for stopping by."
Well, that was certainly interesting. Let me see, what was I talking about before I got interrupted. Oh yeah...ah, who cares. We're all doomed, and nothing can save us except...
I wonder if that Vietnamese girl meant it when she said "some other time"?
Monday, March 12, 2007
River City's Gonna Have Her Boys Band
The problem with the weather being so nice is that I don't feel like sitting in front of my computer and posting to the blog. I'm guessing we were in the low 80's today, and should be in the high 70's tomorrow with nothing but clean air and blue sky. Ahhhh......
About the only thing that could make it any nicer would be to sit out on the porch and read the New York Times for free. Hey, wait a minute. I almost forgot. I can sit down on the porch and read the New York Times for free. In case you haven't heard (and since I'm always the last person to know about the really cool stuff I'm guessing you already have), the New York Times is now available for free over the internet. No, I'm not talking about the website - I mean the actual paper.
Go to this website, download and install the software, and you'll see what I mean. If you've ever tried Zinio then you're probably pretty skeptical about this stuff. I know I was, but it looks like the NY Times finally got it right - no zooming, no pan-and-scan, or any of that garbage. It's as close as anyone's come to as making the onscreen version of their publication as easy to use as the paper version. Download it and try it and see what you think. I think you'll like it, and, of course, it's free. I don't know how the NY Times can afford to give away their paper for free and still make their payroll, but like someone once said, "it ain't my problem."
(The preceding infomercial was brought to you by the New York Times Company. Heh, heh, heh, more of that viral marketing...)
Speaking of things online, as you know I've been trying to learn the piano. As you might also know, I recently bought a guitar and have started playing again after about 20 years away from the instrument. As you might not know, the only real music training I've had was a Music Appreciation class they made me take back in the 7th grade (that was back when public schools not only taught music, but made art and music mandatory requirements for graduation. How times have changed.)
Needless to say, I've long since forgotten almost everything I learned in the 7th grade, including my Music Appreciation class. In fact the only thing I really remember from that class was learning to read music. You know, A B C D E F G, clefs, time signatures, whole notes, half notes, quarter notes, quavers, semiquavers, whole rests, half rests, and on and on and on..., the whole bloody lot.
I also remember that for some reason dotted notes never made sense to me, and used to trip me up every time. We had these exercises where you had to count out the rhythms, like one, two, three, four, one, (two), three, (four), one, (two), (three), four, and so on, depending on the type of note. I'm sure if you ever had to learn standard notation you'll know what I'm talking about. Anyways, I never had a problem with rhythms except for those damned dotted notes. I hated those things because every time I saw one it meant I had to do math. It's like you have to divide it by two which is the same as multiplying by one-half, or something, and then you've got to take the result and multiply it by the sin of theta over pi r squared, or is that the cosine of theta times two pi r? Crap, I forgot. Oh well, then you take the cube root of the inverse ratio of that and round it to the nearest positive integer, and that's how many beats you count.
Or something like that. I'm telling you those dotted notes are complicated and have ruined many a promising musician. I mean, I just wanted to learn how to play "Louie, Louie", not have to do a bunch of math, and yet here they were throwing a bunch of screwy notes at me. I also remember when the music teacher handed out the exercises, the first thing I'd do is look for dotted notes so I could plan ahead.
"There's one. Okay, that's a dotted half so that means I gotta count to three. Remember that, when you get to that count to three. Count to three. Count to three. Okay, remember. Count to three. I got it. Here it comes. Alright. Ready. Here it is. Oh crap, what was I supposed to do. Count to five? Damn. I can't remember."
Music Appreciation class messed me up for years and years with stuff like that. I was pretty traumatized for a while, but eventually I got over it. So now here I am all these years later, and what am I doing? Learning music theory of course, which brings me back to the topic of online sites and the fact that I haven't really found a good one for learning music theory.
What I did instead was buy a book/DVD course called "Beginning Jazz Guitar" by a guy named Jody Fisher. It's pretty good, but you have to know how to play the guitar to use it. It's lots of scale work, which is to be expected because it's hard to learn theory without knowing your scales upside-down, inside-out and backwards. Of course it's hard to really learn your scales if you don't know the fretboard, and that's what I'm working on now: memorizing the fretboard. It's not that hard, but I bet you not 1 in 3 guitarists have the fretboard memorized. Most are like me and just know some chords and some licks and weird stuff you can do by playing with the knobs. It's too bad that most guitarists aren't taught the same way other musicians are. I wish that I was taught theory when I started out instead of having to learn it now, but, as you know, guitarists are stupid and can't handle all that music stuff.
But that's all water under the dam. Like I said, if you want to learn theory then there really aren't any great websites out there. However, there are some that are useful. Musictheory.net has some basic information for raw beginners, but what I like are their free training exercises. The note trainer is especially nice for a beginning pianist, although my problem isn't so much seeing "G" and knowing "G", but rather seeing "G" and playing "G". I can see a G on the staff and know what it is, but somewhere between the brain and the fingers the signal gets garbled and I end up playing and "E" instead. If I had a penny for every time I did that, then, well, that would be a lot of copper. Still, it's a good little trainer.
For the guitarist trying to learn his key signatures (uh, that would be me), then Zentao.com has a nice little tutorial page on the Circle of Fifths. It has the usual information and the wheel and all that, but if you scroll down to the bottom of the page it has one of the simplest diagrams of the circle of fifths and circle of fourths I've ever seen - for a guitarist, that is. If you don't play the guitar the diagrams won't do you a bit of good, but if you do play, then just look at those things. They're easy to memorize, and you'll have your major key signatures down in no time. I still don't know who Father Charles was, though.
And finally, for musicians or anyone else who needs ear training, take a look at Ear Master Pro. It's probably the best ear training you can get outside of a classroom, and costs around 70 bucks. I've been using it for a couple of weeks now and can say, without a doubt, that it hasn't done me a damn bit of good. But, this is hard stuff, my friend. I expect it will probably take years for me to really develop my ear, but the program promises that when I'm through with it I'll be able to hear a song on the radio and take out a piece of manuscript paper and write it down on the spot. We'll see, we'll see.
Anyways, that's all for a Monday. Gotta practice my scales, you know. Oh, and one more thing. I don't know where I read this, but someone did a survey and found that one of the things most people regret is not learning music. Sounded a little fishy to me at first, but you know there are probably a lot of people out there who regret never learning to play a musical instrument or learning how to read and understand music. Maybe someone like you. So, I say, get off your butt, go buy a piano or a guitar or a recorder or whatever, and learn to play. Sheeesh, don't just think about it - do it.
So there, don't you feel motivated now.
About the only thing that could make it any nicer would be to sit out on the porch and read the New York Times for free. Hey, wait a minute. I almost forgot. I can sit down on the porch and read the New York Times for free. In case you haven't heard (and since I'm always the last person to know about the really cool stuff I'm guessing you already have), the New York Times is now available for free over the internet. No, I'm not talking about the website - I mean the actual paper.
Go to this website, download and install the software, and you'll see what I mean. If you've ever tried Zinio then you're probably pretty skeptical about this stuff. I know I was, but it looks like the NY Times finally got it right - no zooming, no pan-and-scan, or any of that garbage. It's as close as anyone's come to as making the onscreen version of their publication as easy to use as the paper version. Download it and try it and see what you think. I think you'll like it, and, of course, it's free. I don't know how the NY Times can afford to give away their paper for free and still make their payroll, but like someone once said, "it ain't my problem."
(The preceding infomercial was brought to you by the New York Times Company. Heh, heh, heh, more of that viral marketing...)
Speaking of things online, as you know I've been trying to learn the piano. As you might also know, I recently bought a guitar and have started playing again after about 20 years away from the instrument. As you might not know, the only real music training I've had was a Music Appreciation class they made me take back in the 7th grade (that was back when public schools not only taught music, but made art and music mandatory requirements for graduation. How times have changed.)
Needless to say, I've long since forgotten almost everything I learned in the 7th grade, including my Music Appreciation class. In fact the only thing I really remember from that class was learning to read music. You know, A B C D E F G, clefs, time signatures, whole notes, half notes, quarter notes, quavers, semiquavers, whole rests, half rests, and on and on and on..., the whole bloody lot.
I also remember that for some reason dotted notes never made sense to me, and used to trip me up every time. We had these exercises where you had to count out the rhythms, like one, two, three, four, one, (two), three, (four), one, (two), (three), four, and so on, depending on the type of note. I'm sure if you ever had to learn standard notation you'll know what I'm talking about. Anyways, I never had a problem with rhythms except for those damned dotted notes. I hated those things because every time I saw one it meant I had to do math. It's like you have to divide it by two which is the same as multiplying by one-half, or something, and then you've got to take the result and multiply it by the sin of theta over pi r squared, or is that the cosine of theta times two pi r? Crap, I forgot. Oh well, then you take the cube root of the inverse ratio of that and round it to the nearest positive integer, and that's how many beats you count.
Or something like that. I'm telling you those dotted notes are complicated and have ruined many a promising musician. I mean, I just wanted to learn how to play "Louie, Louie", not have to do a bunch of math, and yet here they were throwing a bunch of screwy notes at me. I also remember when the music teacher handed out the exercises, the first thing I'd do is look for dotted notes so I could plan ahead.
"There's one. Okay, that's a dotted half so that means I gotta count to three. Remember that, when you get to that count to three. Count to three. Count to three. Okay, remember. Count to three. I got it. Here it comes. Alright. Ready. Here it is. Oh crap, what was I supposed to do. Count to five? Damn. I can't remember."
Music Appreciation class messed me up for years and years with stuff like that. I was pretty traumatized for a while, but eventually I got over it. So now here I am all these years later, and what am I doing? Learning music theory of course, which brings me back to the topic of online sites and the fact that I haven't really found a good one for learning music theory.
What I did instead was buy a book/DVD course called "Beginning Jazz Guitar" by a guy named Jody Fisher. It's pretty good, but you have to know how to play the guitar to use it. It's lots of scale work, which is to be expected because it's hard to learn theory without knowing your scales upside-down, inside-out and backwards. Of course it's hard to really learn your scales if you don't know the fretboard, and that's what I'm working on now: memorizing the fretboard. It's not that hard, but I bet you not 1 in 3 guitarists have the fretboard memorized. Most are like me and just know some chords and some licks and weird stuff you can do by playing with the knobs. It's too bad that most guitarists aren't taught the same way other musicians are. I wish that I was taught theory when I started out instead of having to learn it now, but, as you know, guitarists are stupid and can't handle all that music stuff.
But that's all water under the dam. Like I said, if you want to learn theory then there really aren't any great websites out there. However, there are some that are useful. Musictheory.net has some basic information for raw beginners, but what I like are their free training exercises. The note trainer is especially nice for a beginning pianist, although my problem isn't so much seeing "G" and knowing "G", but rather seeing "G" and playing "G". I can see a G on the staff and know what it is, but somewhere between the brain and the fingers the signal gets garbled and I end up playing and "E" instead. If I had a penny for every time I did that, then, well, that would be a lot of copper. Still, it's a good little trainer.
For the guitarist trying to learn his key signatures (uh, that would be me), then Zentao.com has a nice little tutorial page on the Circle of Fifths. It has the usual information and the wheel and all that, but if you scroll down to the bottom of the page it has one of the simplest diagrams of the circle of fifths and circle of fourths I've ever seen - for a guitarist, that is. If you don't play the guitar the diagrams won't do you a bit of good, but if you do play, then just look at those things. They're easy to memorize, and you'll have your major key signatures down in no time. I still don't know who Father Charles was, though.
And finally, for musicians or anyone else who needs ear training, take a look at Ear Master Pro. It's probably the best ear training you can get outside of a classroom, and costs around 70 bucks. I've been using it for a couple of weeks now and can say, without a doubt, that it hasn't done me a damn bit of good. But, this is hard stuff, my friend. I expect it will probably take years for me to really develop my ear, but the program promises that when I'm through with it I'll be able to hear a song on the radio and take out a piece of manuscript paper and write it down on the spot. We'll see, we'll see.
Anyways, that's all for a Monday. Gotta practice my scales, you know. Oh, and one more thing. I don't know where I read this, but someone did a survey and found that one of the things most people regret is not learning music. Sounded a little fishy to me at first, but you know there are probably a lot of people out there who regret never learning to play a musical instrument or learning how to read and understand music. Maybe someone like you. So, I say, get off your butt, go buy a piano or a guitar or a recorder or whatever, and learn to play. Sheeesh, don't just think about it - do it.
So there, don't you feel motivated now.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Elgar Was Self-Taught You Know
They sent Scooter off to jail today. Well, not really. They convicted him, though, and I'm sure everyone in America is relieved to know they got the mastermind behind the whole Valerie Plame affair.
What's that? You think this thing doesn't stop at Scooter? You think there might have been higher-ups involved? Tsk, tsk. What a skeptical public we've become.
Oh well, it was Scooter that got thrown to the lions, and that's the game they play up there in Washington, I guess.
Anyways, you're probably wondering how my piano practice is going. Pretty good, actually, except that I've completely lost the use of my right hand. Well, not completely, but it's awful hard to make a closed fist or hang on to a can of soda (damn things keep slipping out of my hand). What's even worse is that picking up a guitar again after 20 years of not playing has had the opposite effect on my other hand. Fingering the strings seems to have put my left hand into a perpetual state of close-fistedness.
So there you have it. In medical school I think this is a situation they call "the mind is willing but the body says 'Dude, what are you doing?'" If you don't know what I'm talking about then you just wait. You'll start piling on the years and you'll see what's it's like to need a magnifying glass to read food labels or a few extra seconds to work your way out of the easy chair. You just wait, 'cause it'll happen to you.
So if I have any words of advice for all you elder statesmen out there who might decide to start playing the piano at an age beyond what common sense would otherwise dictate, it would be this: Go slow- very, very slow. For starters, I'd say a half hour of practice three times a week would be plenty. Then, after a month, maybe a half hour every other day, or something like that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT make the mistake of thinking that your fingers don't know that you're not a ten year old kid anymore. I've been there and done that, and now it's all I can do to get enough grip in my hand to keep from dropping my fork at the dinner table.
Still, that keyboard is lots of fun. If you don't have any worthwhile hobbies or pursuits and you're looking for something to do with your time, then I'd highly recommend getting one. Just to play around with, if nothing else. I probably shouldn't mention this but that software I'm using taught me how to play the "Ode To Joy" the baby way, but, and I don't want to brag here, I figured out how to play it the right way - using two hands no less. Ha, is that talent or what?
Anyways, sore fingers means less piano practice which means more blogging time, so look for more to come here at the Dead Cat and over at Fiddle News. I know how excited you must be to hear that. And of course, I've still got that opera to write. I hope I can learn the piano real quick 'cause I want to get started on that. Right now, though it's time for me to go soak my fingers.
It's such a pain getting old.
What's that? You think this thing doesn't stop at Scooter? You think there might have been higher-ups involved? Tsk, tsk. What a skeptical public we've become.
Oh well, it was Scooter that got thrown to the lions, and that's the game they play up there in Washington, I guess.
Anyways, you're probably wondering how my piano practice is going. Pretty good, actually, except that I've completely lost the use of my right hand. Well, not completely, but it's awful hard to make a closed fist or hang on to a can of soda (damn things keep slipping out of my hand). What's even worse is that picking up a guitar again after 20 years of not playing has had the opposite effect on my other hand. Fingering the strings seems to have put my left hand into a perpetual state of close-fistedness.
So there you have it. In medical school I think this is a situation they call "the mind is willing but the body says 'Dude, what are you doing?'" If you don't know what I'm talking about then you just wait. You'll start piling on the years and you'll see what's it's like to need a magnifying glass to read food labels or a few extra seconds to work your way out of the easy chair. You just wait, 'cause it'll happen to you.
So if I have any words of advice for all you elder statesmen out there who might decide to start playing the piano at an age beyond what common sense would otherwise dictate, it would be this: Go slow- very, very slow. For starters, I'd say a half hour of practice three times a week would be plenty. Then, after a month, maybe a half hour every other day, or something like that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT make the mistake of thinking that your fingers don't know that you're not a ten year old kid anymore. I've been there and done that, and now it's all I can do to get enough grip in my hand to keep from dropping my fork at the dinner table.
Still, that keyboard is lots of fun. If you don't have any worthwhile hobbies or pursuits and you're looking for something to do with your time, then I'd highly recommend getting one. Just to play around with, if nothing else. I probably shouldn't mention this but that software I'm using taught me how to play the "Ode To Joy" the baby way, but, and I don't want to brag here, I figured out how to play it the right way - using two hands no less. Ha, is that talent or what?
Anyways, sore fingers means less piano practice which means more blogging time, so look for more to come here at the Dead Cat and over at Fiddle News. I know how excited you must be to hear that. And of course, I've still got that opera to write. I hope I can learn the piano real quick 'cause I want to get started on that. Right now, though it's time for me to go soak my fingers.
It's such a pain getting old.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
The Hottest Spot on the Web
If you've ever read this blog then you know that one of my big interests is classical music, and, in particular, violinists. Unfortunately, I've never been able to find a single resource where I can track down all the latest violinist news from around the net. That is, until today when I found this great new site called...Ah, this isn't working. Please disregard the previous paragraph. It was my feeble attempt at what the web people call "viral marketing". You know, you post something on a blog or a forum that's supposed to look innocent and unrehearsed, but which is actually a cleverly disguised advertisement. Well, I can't do it. I'm just too honest.
So instead I'd like to announce that I've started a new blog called Fiddle News which can be found at www.fiddlenews.com. It's not a blog like this one, but a real blog - what's called a "link farm" or something like that (I'm not too hip to all this Web 2.0 stuff quite yet). Basically, since I like to surf around for interesting violinist stories, I thought I might as well post what I find to a blog somewhere, hence Fiddle News.
It's nothing heavy. Just a short paragraph and a link or two to an interview or review or something like that about a well-known violinist. I was taking a look at it and I think it's a nice, breezy little browse. Something you can come back to every now and then if you're interested in that sort of thing. I can't claim it's comprehensive because there are probably a couple hundred thousand violinists in the world, but it covers most of the major ones - at least those that are known to most U.S. audiences.
So there you have it. I'll still be here at Dead Cat blogging as usual, baring my soul to an uncaring world. Fiddle News is more of sideline sort of thing, but I think it'll be fun. I just started it on Saturday so there's still a lot of work to do, but if you feel like it why don't you check it out.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
It's Right Because I'm Special
Hey, am I at the right place? Something looks peculiar around here. It's like, all different. Oh yeah, that's right. Winter's almost over and I switched over to my new spring wardrobe. How do I look? You don't think this makes me look fat, do you?
Actually, I was sitting around the house listening to Pink Floyd and staring at my black light posters and thought "hey, why not try a new template." So that's what you're seeing. Pretty trippy, huh?
Speaking of Digg.com, is this really the future of journalism? In case you've been living under a rock, Digg is the site where rather than have editors decide what news stories make the front page, the users vote on the stories that interest them the most and create their own hierarchy of what is important and what isn't. For instance, as I write this the lead story on Yahoo News is the tornado that killed 19 in Alabama, while on Digg the lead story is a man who smokes through his eye socket (I'm not making that up).
So what conclusion can we media critics draw from the Digg phenomena? Hell if I know, but I'm from that generation that grew up with Walter Cronkite and Huntley and Brinkley filtering through the days news and separating out the important from the trivial. When I think of the news I think of the major events of the day, but for the Digg generation that is strictly "old school". Thanks to the internet we are now free to choose what is important to us, not to Walter Cronkite, and that's a good thing, right? Are there consequences we haven't considered?
Well, first off, we can forget about this notion of the internet creating a global community. In one sense it has because the entire world is now interconnected, but in the more profound sense the internet, rather than creating a global community, has instead created global networks of special interest sub-communities. Digg, for example, is primarily a tech site, and serves a worldwide community of tech enthusiasts, while a Ionarts.org might serve a worldwide community of classical music enthusiasts or a Myspace.com might serve a worldwide community of perverts and pedophiles. There are hundreds of thousands of other sites each catering to their niche, and it's all very specialized and very fragmented. For the techie looking for the hot hi-tech news or the music geek looking for the latest concert review, though, the internet is a dream come true.
So what's my point. Well, it seems that as we each begin to customize our global view and narrow our focus, we just might be losing the forest for the trees. Take the Iraq war, for instance. As I've said before this has got to be the strangest war in American history. We have armed forces overseas and people dying every day, and yet outside of the occasional speech or bumper sticker, the American public seems largely unaffected. I know some people like to compare this war to the Viet Nam war, but, on the home front at least, it's not even close. Believe me, back then the Viet Nam war was topic number one on everybody's agenda, and when Walter Cronkite hinted that the war might be a lost cause, everybody paid attention.
That's not true of this war, and I'm proposing that maybe it's because of the changing nature of how we receive our news. The war in Iraq isn't topic one because it simply isn't on our home pages, or in our RSS readers, or at the top of the list at Digg.com. It's not part of this little niche that occupies so much of our lives, and I suppose that the big news organizations are the primary reason we are so distracted. After all, for a generation that has been raised on "news as entertainment", why shouldn't the big story of the day be some guy who smokes through his eyeballs?
Well, it's just a thought, and I'm not criticizing Digg.com. Even though I'm not enough of a geek to use if much, it's pretty clear that the Digg model of user edited content is the future. I'm just not sure where it's all leading.
Actually, I was sitting around the house listening to Pink Floyd and staring at my black light posters and thought "hey, why not try a new template." So that's what you're seeing. Pretty trippy, huh?
Speaking of Digg.com, is this really the future of journalism? In case you've been living under a rock, Digg is the site where rather than have editors decide what news stories make the front page, the users vote on the stories that interest them the most and create their own hierarchy of what is important and what isn't. For instance, as I write this the lead story on Yahoo News is the tornado that killed 19 in Alabama, while on Digg the lead story is a man who smokes through his eye socket (I'm not making that up).
So what conclusion can we media critics draw from the Digg phenomena? Hell if I know, but I'm from that generation that grew up with Walter Cronkite and Huntley and Brinkley filtering through the days news and separating out the important from the trivial. When I think of the news I think of the major events of the day, but for the Digg generation that is strictly "old school". Thanks to the internet we are now free to choose what is important to us, not to Walter Cronkite, and that's a good thing, right? Are there consequences we haven't considered?
Well, first off, we can forget about this notion of the internet creating a global community. In one sense it has because the entire world is now interconnected, but in the more profound sense the internet, rather than creating a global community, has instead created global networks of special interest sub-communities. Digg, for example, is primarily a tech site, and serves a worldwide community of tech enthusiasts, while a Ionarts.org might serve a worldwide community of classical music enthusiasts or a Myspace.com might serve a worldwide community of perverts and pedophiles. There are hundreds of thousands of other sites each catering to their niche, and it's all very specialized and very fragmented. For the techie looking for the hot hi-tech news or the music geek looking for the latest concert review, though, the internet is a dream come true.
So what's my point. Well, it seems that as we each begin to customize our global view and narrow our focus, we just might be losing the forest for the trees. Take the Iraq war, for instance. As I've said before this has got to be the strangest war in American history. We have armed forces overseas and people dying every day, and yet outside of the occasional speech or bumper sticker, the American public seems largely unaffected. I know some people like to compare this war to the Viet Nam war, but, on the home front at least, it's not even close. Believe me, back then the Viet Nam war was topic number one on everybody's agenda, and when Walter Cronkite hinted that the war might be a lost cause, everybody paid attention.
That's not true of this war, and I'm proposing that maybe it's because of the changing nature of how we receive our news. The war in Iraq isn't topic one because it simply isn't on our home pages, or in our RSS readers, or at the top of the list at Digg.com. It's not part of this little niche that occupies so much of our lives, and I suppose that the big news organizations are the primary reason we are so distracted. After all, for a generation that has been raised on "news as entertainment", why shouldn't the big story of the day be some guy who smokes through his eyeballs?
Well, it's just a thought, and I'm not criticizing Digg.com. Even though I'm not enough of a geek to use if much, it's pretty clear that the Digg model of user edited content is the future. I'm just not sure where it's all leading.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Once I Built a Railroad
So what if the markets were down about 3 to 4 percent today - look on the bright side: It's not everyday that you can go to sleep thousands of dollars poorer than when you woke up. Just imagine how dull life would be if we just kept getting richer and richer all the time.
(yawn)
I say "easy come, easy go". After all, it's only money. It's only food and shelter. It's only the mortgage payment and the insurance and the electric bill and the water bill and the food on the table and that little something extra you were hoping would see you through your old age. It's only MONEY.
Aaahhh. Well, like they say, the stock market is no place for sissies. If you're gonna jump out a window every time your net worth takes a beating then maybe you should just put your money in a mattress and take up needlepoint or something. Right? If you're gonna be an investor then you (cough) better (sniffle) be (sob) tough.
(Waaahhhhh....what happened to all my money? Waahhhhh....I knew I should have sold everything last week. Waaahhhhh....It isn't fair. Waaahhhh....I want my money back.)
No, no, no. I'm just kidding. My motto is invest for the long haul and always look for new opportunities in the vicissitudes of the market. When life hands him a basketful of lemons, the shrewd investor doesn't complain; he just finds new ways to capitalize on the misery of others. So, Dead Cat, I hear you asking, where should I be investing my money given what has just happened in the market today? Well, I'm glad you asked.
As a matter of fact I discuss that very topic in this month's issue of my "Rich Cat, Poor Dad" newsletter. You'll get investment advice, harebrained analysis, pithy quotes, baffling charts, columns and columns of pointless statistics, and highly suspect first-person testimonials that you just know can't possibly be true - all for the low introductory price of $699 per year. But wait, order your subscription before March 1, 2007 and I'll also include, free of charge, my "Ten Secrets Every Power Investor Should Know". Learn the secrets of the pros - puts, calls, covered calls, naked puts, naked putts, naked golf, naked christmas parties - it's all there. Learn when to split, when to double down, when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em, invest like a pro and see your returns double and triple, all within the first week.
That's right. You get my "Rich Cat" newsletter plus the "Ten Secrets Every Power Investor Should Know" all for the low price of just $699 per year. Act now and as your special gift we'll also include our "Rich Cat" datebook and planner with the special "Rich Cat" logo on the cover, because, who doesn't need one of those.
Operators are standing by, and in the meantime just remember - money comes and money goes, but hemorrhoids are forever.
(Yeah, I know. That last joke was pretty stupid. If I wasn't so poor I'd come up with something better)
(yawn)
I say "easy come, easy go". After all, it's only money. It's only food and shelter. It's only the mortgage payment and the insurance and the electric bill and the water bill and the food on the table and that little something extra you were hoping would see you through your old age. It's only MONEY.
Aaahhh. Well, like they say, the stock market is no place for sissies. If you're gonna jump out a window every time your net worth takes a beating then maybe you should just put your money in a mattress and take up needlepoint or something. Right? If you're gonna be an investor then you (cough) better (sniffle) be (sob) tough.
(Waaahhhhh....what happened to all my money? Waahhhhh....I knew I should have sold everything last week. Waaahhhhh....It isn't fair. Waaahhhh....I want my money back.)
No, no, no. I'm just kidding. My motto is invest for the long haul and always look for new opportunities in the vicissitudes of the market. When life hands him a basketful of lemons, the shrewd investor doesn't complain; he just finds new ways to capitalize on the misery of others. So, Dead Cat, I hear you asking, where should I be investing my money given what has just happened in the market today? Well, I'm glad you asked.
As a matter of fact I discuss that very topic in this month's issue of my "Rich Cat, Poor Dad" newsletter. You'll get investment advice, harebrained analysis, pithy quotes, baffling charts, columns and columns of pointless statistics, and highly suspect first-person testimonials that you just know can't possibly be true - all for the low introductory price of $699 per year. But wait, order your subscription before March 1, 2007 and I'll also include, free of charge, my "Ten Secrets Every Power Investor Should Know". Learn the secrets of the pros - puts, calls, covered calls, naked puts, naked putts, naked golf, naked christmas parties - it's all there. Learn when to split, when to double down, when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em, invest like a pro and see your returns double and triple, all within the first week.
That's right. You get my "Rich Cat" newsletter plus the "Ten Secrets Every Power Investor Should Know" all for the low price of just $699 per year. Act now and as your special gift we'll also include our "Rich Cat" datebook and planner with the special "Rich Cat" logo on the cover, because, who doesn't need one of those.
Operators are standing by, and in the meantime just remember - money comes and money goes, but hemorrhoids are forever.
(Yeah, I know. That last joke was pretty stupid. If I wasn't so poor I'd come up with something better)
Monday, February 26, 2007
New Moon Rising
I suppose the merger of XM and Sirius would be a good thing, but only if it means that subscribers gain new stations instead of losing old favorites. I can tell you this, though. If these two satellite services merge and Sirius listeners lose Met Opera Radio (Sirius 85), then there will be bloodshed in the streets. I'm not kidding, and I wrote the FCC and told them so too. If Met Opera Radio disappears, there will be such an outcry, such a panic in the streets of America, that it'll make Baghdad look like Mayberry RFD.
In other words, I'm kinda fond of that station, and I'd hate to lose it. I don't know what the listenership is, though I suspect that satellite radio hasn't really made it into the mainstream yet, but I can't imagine life on earth without Sirius 85. I do know that the Met's other big initiative, the live Saturday matinee broadcasts to movie theaters around the world, has been a huge success, and, in fact, the showings have been selling out and special encore performances have been added to accommodate the demand. Which only goes to show that despite the predictions, opera is not going away anytime soon. After 5 centuries, it's still a hit.
In fact, that's what I'm going to talk about tonight. A few weeks ago on one of the Live from the Met broadcasts (on Sirius 85) they had the president of the American Symphony Orchestra League on for an intermission interview. His name is Henry Fogel, and I think the most amazing thing about him is his record and CD collection, which, if I remember correctly, contains over 20,000 CD's (you can search his collection over at Henry's Records). Now I did the math on that and I calculated that if you started from zero and bought 1 CD a week, it would take you around 400 years to amass 20,000 CD's, which means, I suppose, that he must buy his CD's by the truckload. He probably has a special loading dock out back where he offloads them.
Anyways, back to my point, during that interview Fogel alluded to the fact that following years of decling audience numbers which appear to have bottomed out around the year 2000, the Symphony Orchestras in this country have actually seen a gradual but steady increase in their audience over the past few years . Let me repeat that: growing audience numbers for the symphony and sold-out movie theaters for the Met Opera simulcasts. What's going on here?
Add to that some anecdotal evidence like the recent Opera San Jose review that reported increasing numbers of young audience members (it's from the Feb 13 San Jose Mercury News and you'll need to pay money if you want to read it), or this review from the Arizona Republic which talks of "a greater-than-usual number of younger faces" for a recent Baiba Skride concert, and it seems we might have the beginnings of a trend here.
Or is it just a coincidence?
I think it's more than just a coincidence. One of the side benefits of being a Sirius subscriber is that I get to hear all kinds of music, and I think I'm starting to understand the complaints I hear from some of the younger and "hipper" folks about music these days. Asked why record sales continue to go down, many say it isn't because of file sharing, it's because the music sucks. Now I've been listening to popular music my entire life, and I can even remember when New Wave was actually "New" (that was before they started calling it 'Indie'), and I have to agree. A lot of what they call Rock 'n Roll these days does suck, and it seems like most of the new, creative energy is going into hip-hop and rap. That's just my totally unqualified observation, but I think there's some evidence that Rock 'n Roll ain't what it used to be, and even if it is, sometimes people get tired of popular culture and want something more.
If that's the case, then it only seems natural that classical/opera should siphon off some of that audience. Not a lot, mind you, but enough to breathe some new life into the ol' gal. Anyways, that might be one reason for some of the new faces. It's also possible that people like Josh Groban and Andre Rieu are indeed creating new interest in classical music, and that audiences raised on the crossover stuff might gravitate to the real thing.
Maybe...
I kind of doubt it. A more likely cause is the celebrity factor, and all the sexy new stars that the classical labels are pushing out there. I've talked about some of the females in this blog, but there are the male stars as well. Daniel Hope, Renaud Capucon, Nikolaj Znaider, etc..., as if tall, dark and handsome have anything to do with playing the violin. Hmmph!! I personally don't see what all the fuss is about, but I understand from some of the ladies that this Znaider fella (he's the one on the right, Capucon's on the left), in particular, is what they call a "hunk", and who knows, maybe that's enough to get them down to the symphony hall. If so, then bring 'em on. Hell, if it's Gidon Kremer in a speedo that they want, then go ahead and give it to them. Come for the beefcake and stay for the music, it's all the same to me.
Or something like that.
The bottom line, though, is that classical music is not ready for the museum just yet. There still an audience out there, and with a few new ones being added to the mix, we may be in store for a bit of a mini renaissance. That would be great, and in the meantime I've got about 19,900 more CD's to buy if I'm ever going to catch up with this Fogel fella.
In other words, I'm kinda fond of that station, and I'd hate to lose it. I don't know what the listenership is, though I suspect that satellite radio hasn't really made it into the mainstream yet, but I can't imagine life on earth without Sirius 85. I do know that the Met's other big initiative, the live Saturday matinee broadcasts to movie theaters around the world, has been a huge success, and, in fact, the showings have been selling out and special encore performances have been added to accommodate the demand. Which only goes to show that despite the predictions, opera is not going away anytime soon. After 5 centuries, it's still a hit.
In fact, that's what I'm going to talk about tonight. A few weeks ago on one of the Live from the Met broadcasts (on Sirius 85) they had the president of the American Symphony Orchestra League on for an intermission interview. His name is Henry Fogel, and I think the most amazing thing about him is his record and CD collection, which, if I remember correctly, contains over 20,000 CD's (you can search his collection over at Henry's Records). Now I did the math on that and I calculated that if you started from zero and bought 1 CD a week, it would take you around 400 years to amass 20,000 CD's, which means, I suppose, that he must buy his CD's by the truckload. He probably has a special loading dock out back where he offloads them.
Anyways, back to my point, during that interview Fogel alluded to the fact that following years of decling audience numbers which appear to have bottomed out around the year 2000, the Symphony Orchestras in this country have actually seen a gradual but steady increase in their audience over the past few years . Let me repeat that: growing audience numbers for the symphony and sold-out movie theaters for the Met Opera simulcasts. What's going on here?
Add to that some anecdotal evidence like the recent Opera San Jose review that reported increasing numbers of young audience members (it's from the Feb 13 San Jose Mercury News and you'll need to pay money if you want to read it), or this review from the Arizona Republic which talks of "a greater-than-usual number of younger faces" for a recent Baiba Skride concert, and it seems we might have the beginnings of a trend here.
Or is it just a coincidence?
I think it's more than just a coincidence. One of the side benefits of being a Sirius subscriber is that I get to hear all kinds of music, and I think I'm starting to understand the complaints I hear from some of the younger and "hipper" folks about music these days. Asked why record sales continue to go down, many say it isn't because of file sharing, it's because the music sucks. Now I've been listening to popular music my entire life, and I can even remember when New Wave was actually "New" (that was before they started calling it 'Indie'), and I have to agree. A lot of what they call Rock 'n Roll these days does suck, and it seems like most of the new, creative energy is going into hip-hop and rap. That's just my totally unqualified observation, but I think there's some evidence that Rock 'n Roll ain't what it used to be, and even if it is, sometimes people get tired of popular culture and want something more.
If that's the case, then it only seems natural that classical/opera should siphon off some of that audience. Not a lot, mind you, but enough to breathe some new life into the ol' gal. Anyways, that might be one reason for some of the new faces. It's also possible that people like Josh Groban and Andre Rieu are indeed creating new interest in classical music, and that audiences raised on the crossover stuff might gravitate to the real thing.
Maybe...
I kind of doubt it. A more likely cause is the celebrity factor, and all the sexy new stars that the classical labels are pushing out there. I've talked about some of the females in this blog, but there are the male stars as well. Daniel Hope, Renaud Capucon, Nikolaj Znaider, etc..., as if tall, dark and handsome have anything to do with playing the violin. Hmmph!! I personally don't see what all the fuss is about, but I understand from some of the ladies that this Znaider fella (he's the one on the right, Capucon's on the left), in particular, is what they call a "hunk", and who knows, maybe that's enough to get them down to the symphony hall. If so, then bring 'em on. Hell, if it's Gidon Kremer in a speedo that they want, then go ahead and give it to them. Come for the beefcake and stay for the music, it's all the same to me.Or something like that.
The bottom line, though, is that classical music is not ready for the museum just yet. There still an audience out there, and with a few new ones being added to the mix, we may be in store for a bit of a mini renaissance. That would be great, and in the meantime I've got about 19,900 more CD's to buy if I'm ever going to catch up with this Fogel fella.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Well, piano practice has definitely taken a chunk out of my blogging time. What's even worse is that yesterday, for some reason, all my outstanding CD orders decided to arrive on my front porch at the very same time. That means I've got quite a pile to listen to, and that takes away from my blogging time too.
Does anyone care? (I didn't think so)
Anyways, instead of coming up with something clever to write about, I thought I'd just show you what came in the mail yesterday - I know some of you may be following along at home. Maybe I'll even post some reviews someday. If I ever have the time, that is.
Unspoken, The Katia Labeque Band. This one I have listened to and it's fantastic. Labeque isn't just a classical pianist "crossing over" into jazz. She's been playing jazz a long time - at least as far back as the album she did with John McLaughlin '82, and there is just some great, progressive, ambient/mood music here, and Labeque can play jazz. I just wish she'd record more of it.
J.S. Bach Solo & Double Violin Concertos, Andrew Manze and Rachel Podger. Period instruments and all that. I've heard this on the radio and liked it.
Antonio Vivaldi La Stravaganza, Rachel Podger. More Podger - she's great.
Mendelssohn/Glazunov Violin Concertos, Leila Josefowicz. Her Shostakovich CD made a believer out of me. This is from about 6 or 7 years ago.
Bach Goldberg Variations, Angela Hewitt. Someday I'm gonna play the Goldberg Variations like Angela Hewitt. You just watch.
Berlioz Symphony Fantastique/La Mort de Cleopatra, Valery Gergiev. I'm a big Berlioz fan, and a big Gergiev fan, so this seems like a natural.
Bartok/Paganini/Ysaye, Leila Josefowicz. See above. This is one of her very early CD's.
Recital, Viktoria Mullova and Katia Labeque. This one's got Stravinsky, Schubert, Ravel and Clara Schmann, played by two established and renowned musicians.
Shostakovich/Janacek Violin Concertos, Baiba Skride. I told you I was gonna get this one.
Prokofiev/Shostakovich Violin Concertos No. 2, Maxim Vengerov.
Britten/Walton Violin Concertos, Maxim Vengerov.
Debussy, Jancek, Nielsen, Ravel, Schumann, Brahms Violin and Viola Sonatas, Christian Tetzlaff
Paganini Violin Concerto No. 1/Vieuxtemps Violin Concerto No. 5, Viktoria Mullova
Whew, my ears are gonna be sore by the time I get through all of these. That's the problem with backorders and shipping schedules, etc... You never know when they're gonna arrive. I really like the Katia Labeque Band CD. I'm expecting the others to be just as good.
Does anyone care? (I didn't think so)
Anyways, instead of coming up with something clever to write about, I thought I'd just show you what came in the mail yesterday - I know some of you may be following along at home. Maybe I'll even post some reviews someday. If I ever have the time, that is.
Unspoken, The Katia Labeque Band. This one I have listened to and it's fantastic. Labeque isn't just a classical pianist "crossing over" into jazz. She's been playing jazz a long time - at least as far back as the album she did with John McLaughlin '82, and there is just some great, progressive, ambient/mood music here, and Labeque can play jazz. I just wish she'd record more of it.
J.S. Bach Solo & Double Violin Concertos, Andrew Manze and Rachel Podger. Period instruments and all that. I've heard this on the radio and liked it.
Antonio Vivaldi La Stravaganza, Rachel Podger. More Podger - she's great.
Mendelssohn/Glazunov Violin Concertos, Leila Josefowicz. Her Shostakovich CD made a believer out of me. This is from about 6 or 7 years ago.
Bach Goldberg Variations, Angela Hewitt. Someday I'm gonna play the Goldberg Variations like Angela Hewitt. You just watch.
Berlioz Symphony Fantastique/La Mort de Cleopatra, Valery Gergiev. I'm a big Berlioz fan, and a big Gergiev fan, so this seems like a natural.
Bartok/Paganini/Ysaye, Leila Josefowicz. See above. This is one of her very early CD's.
Recital, Viktoria Mullova and Katia Labeque. This one's got Stravinsky, Schubert, Ravel and Clara Schmann, played by two established and renowned musicians.
Shostakovich/Janacek Violin Concertos, Baiba Skride. I told you I was gonna get this one.
Prokofiev/Shostakovich Violin Concertos No. 2, Maxim Vengerov.
Britten/Walton Violin Concertos, Maxim Vengerov.
Debussy, Jancek, Nielsen, Ravel, Schumann, Brahms Violin and Viola Sonatas, Christian Tetzlaff
Paganini Violin Concerto No. 1/Vieuxtemps Violin Concerto No. 5, Viktoria MullovaWhew, my ears are gonna be sore by the time I get through all of these. That's the problem with backorders and shipping schedules, etc... You never know when they're gonna arrive. I really like the Katia Labeque Band CD. I'm expecting the others to be just as good.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Speed Date
"I'd never date a guy who wasn't taller than me."
"Oh really."
"Yeah. It's like something I'd never do, you know?"
"Tall is important."
"It is. I mean, I like tall guys."
"What if he's a serial killer?"
"Tall guys aren't serial killers. Short, ugly guys are serial killers."
"I think Ted Bundy was tall."
"Well, then I guess I wouldn't date him, would I? But then, you know, I'm just this incredibly shallow person so what would I know."
"You're right. I'd never date a girl unless she was a 36EE. I have my mininum requirements."
"What if she was a serial killer?"
"Well then, I guess I'd die with a smile on my face, wouldn't I."
"Guys are worse than girls. All they care about is the T&A."
"No we don't. That's a load of crap. Maybe that's all that tall guys care about."
"That's all any guy cares about."
(silence)
"Nice place, huh? You ever been here before?"
"No... So what do you do, anyways?"
"What do I do? You mean for a living?"
"Yeah, for a living. Do you have a job or something."
"Yeah, I'm a ______."
"What's that?"
"It means I'm a person who organizes other people's messes and passes 'em on down to someone else. A lot of jobs are like that you know."
"You don't sound too thrilled about it."
"It's great. How about you? Don't tell me. You're in marketing, right?"
"Assistant sales manager for ______."
"Assistant sales manager, huh. You know I always say that one thing we can never have enough of is people trying to sell us shit."
"It's not just sales. My clients are doctors who need to keep up with all the latest pharmeceutical products. That's what we make. So it's not just sales, it's also education and problem solving and things like that."
"You're a drug dealer? You mean you push drugs."
"Not like that. You know people would die without the pharmaceutical industry. It's amazing, like people think we're some kind of bad thing, and really what we're doing is saving people's lives."
"Gee, I never thought of it like that. And all this time I thought the drug companies were just greedy, money-grubbing bastards."
"Yeah, well, we're not. Look, maybe this was a bad idea. I think maybe I should go."
"Aren't you expecting a phone call?"
"A phone call?"
"Yeah, you know the 'ol 'get-out-of-a-bad-date' phone call from some friend who has this unexpected emergency you've got to take care of. What time are they supposed to call?"
(silence)
"I told her to call around 8 o'clock."
"Well, that's only a half-hour from now. Why don't you stick around and let me buy you dinner. It's the least I can do after spoiling your evening."
"Oh, you've got this all figured out, don't you?"
"Look, relax. Have something to eat. What have you got to lose."
"What's your problem anyways? Do you always go around with a bug up your ass?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"Oh, well that's a winning strategy. You know I used to date this guy and he always has a smile on his face and treated people nice, even when he was feeling like shit. And guess what? It didn't kill him to be nice to people, and he used to have this really nice place and drive like this really nice Porsche and everything. You know you might want to try that sometime. People like it when you're nice to them."
"What are you talking about. I'm always nice to people. It's just that I'm a little more honest than most folks. Besides, I think I'd rather talk about duck turds than some guy and his fancy Porsche."
"Whatever. I think I'll just have a salad. What's this California Salad?"
"I don't know. That probably means it's made out of avocado's and botox or something like that."
"Really? They put botox in salads?"
"I was making a joke. You know, ha-ha-ha. I was trying to be nice."
"Oh. Nice try."
(silence)
"Man, I hate this small talk, don't you. Why don't you tell me about one of your interesting thoughts or unusual experiences or something? You can even pretend I'm somebody tall if that will help."
"Well, here's an interesting thought. You're kind of an asshole, aren't you."
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...."
"You think that's funny?"
"No, but it is the first real thing you've said all night. No offense, but you shouldn't go around trying to impress people all the time. It's kind of phony."
"And you shouldn't go around being such an asshole all the time. It's a little too real."
(silence)
"You're right."
"What?"
"You're right. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm sorry I'm giving you such a rough time. I mean we don't even know each other."
"Look, you're just having a bad night, that's all. I understand. So, did you just break up with someone? I know I get really unsociable when that happens."
"No, not really."
"Not really? You don't know if you broke up with someone or not?"
"Well no...tell me, do you believe in love at first sight. You know, 'Some enchanted evening, you will see a stranger' and all that. Did anything like that ever happen to you?"
"I don't know. I guess so. Anything's possible."
"Well it doesn't happen to me. Not normally anyways."
"Uh-huh. Who was she?"
"What difference does it make. It's like someone dropped a load of bricks on my head, and then she was gone. Poof! Just like that, it was over before it started. Really screwed me up for some reason."
"So?"
"So nothing. Life goes on."
"Well I guess it can happen like that sometimes. Not to me, mind you. The guys I've been with have all been losers, you know. I was glad to see them go. Not that we didn't have fun, but for some reason I just can't ever find anyone normal. I always end up with these liars and control freaks. God, don't get me started."
"You ever been married?"
"No. How about you?"
"No. Seeing anyone?"
"Nothing serious. You?"
"Nah. You might find this hard to believe but a lot of people find me difficult to get along with."
"Sort of an asshole right?"
"Oh, come on. I'm not so..."
"I'm sorry. You're ok, and you're right - I shouldn't try to impress people all the time. I don't know why I do that."
"I don't know. You're kind of impressing me right now."
"I am?"
(silence)
"Hey, let's order up some dinner, ok."
"Sure. I'm starving."
"Hey waiter. I think we're ready."
Waiter: "Ok, what'll it be folks. Today's special is lemon pepper steak."
"What do you want? You still want the salad?"
"Yeah, I think I'll have the California salad. Is there any botox in that?"
Waiter: "Botox?"
"That was a joke. Ha-ha-ha..."
Waiter: "No botox, ma'am, but we can put a little collagen in the dressing if you'd like."
"No, that's ok. She'll have the California salad and I'll have the same. And waiter, how about a nice bottle of wine."
"Wine? (blech....)"
"Ok, skip the wine. How about a (beer?)".
"(ok)"
"Two California salads and a couple of bottles of beer. And leave the bottle caps."
"Oh really."
"Yeah. It's like something I'd never do, you know?"
"Tall is important."
"It is. I mean, I like tall guys."
"What if he's a serial killer?"
"Tall guys aren't serial killers. Short, ugly guys are serial killers."
"I think Ted Bundy was tall."
"Well, then I guess I wouldn't date him, would I? But then, you know, I'm just this incredibly shallow person so what would I know."
"You're right. I'd never date a girl unless she was a 36EE. I have my mininum requirements."
"What if she was a serial killer?"
"Well then, I guess I'd die with a smile on my face, wouldn't I."
"Guys are worse than girls. All they care about is the T&A."
"No we don't. That's a load of crap. Maybe that's all that tall guys care about."
"That's all any guy cares about."
(silence)
"Nice place, huh? You ever been here before?"
"No... So what do you do, anyways?"
"What do I do? You mean for a living?"
"Yeah, for a living. Do you have a job or something."
"Yeah, I'm a ______."
"What's that?"
"It means I'm a person who organizes other people's messes and passes 'em on down to someone else. A lot of jobs are like that you know."
"You don't sound too thrilled about it."
"It's great. How about you? Don't tell me. You're in marketing, right?"
"Assistant sales manager for ______."
"Assistant sales manager, huh. You know I always say that one thing we can never have enough of is people trying to sell us shit."
"It's not just sales. My clients are doctors who need to keep up with all the latest pharmeceutical products. That's what we make. So it's not just sales, it's also education and problem solving and things like that."
"You're a drug dealer? You mean you push drugs."
"Not like that. You know people would die without the pharmaceutical industry. It's amazing, like people think we're some kind of bad thing, and really what we're doing is saving people's lives."
"Gee, I never thought of it like that. And all this time I thought the drug companies were just greedy, money-grubbing bastards."
"Yeah, well, we're not. Look, maybe this was a bad idea. I think maybe I should go."
"Aren't you expecting a phone call?"
"A phone call?"
"Yeah, you know the 'ol 'get-out-of-a-bad-date' phone call from some friend who has this unexpected emergency you've got to take care of. What time are they supposed to call?"
(silence)
"I told her to call around 8 o'clock."
"Well, that's only a half-hour from now. Why don't you stick around and let me buy you dinner. It's the least I can do after spoiling your evening."
"Oh, you've got this all figured out, don't you?"
"Look, relax. Have something to eat. What have you got to lose."
"What's your problem anyways? Do you always go around with a bug up your ass?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"Oh, well that's a winning strategy. You know I used to date this guy and he always has a smile on his face and treated people nice, even when he was feeling like shit. And guess what? It didn't kill him to be nice to people, and he used to have this really nice place and drive like this really nice Porsche and everything. You know you might want to try that sometime. People like it when you're nice to them."
"What are you talking about. I'm always nice to people. It's just that I'm a little more honest than most folks. Besides, I think I'd rather talk about duck turds than some guy and his fancy Porsche."
"Whatever. I think I'll just have a salad. What's this California Salad?"
"I don't know. That probably means it's made out of avocado's and botox or something like that."
"Really? They put botox in salads?"
"I was making a joke. You know, ha-ha-ha. I was trying to be nice."
"Oh. Nice try."
(silence)
"Man, I hate this small talk, don't you. Why don't you tell me about one of your interesting thoughts or unusual experiences or something? You can even pretend I'm somebody tall if that will help."
"Well, here's an interesting thought. You're kind of an asshole, aren't you."
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...."
"You think that's funny?"
"No, but it is the first real thing you've said all night. No offense, but you shouldn't go around trying to impress people all the time. It's kind of phony."
"And you shouldn't go around being such an asshole all the time. It's a little too real."
(silence)
"You're right."
"What?"
"You're right. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm sorry I'm giving you such a rough time. I mean we don't even know each other."
"Look, you're just having a bad night, that's all. I understand. So, did you just break up with someone? I know I get really unsociable when that happens."
"No, not really."
"Not really? You don't know if you broke up with someone or not?"
"Well no...tell me, do you believe in love at first sight. You know, 'Some enchanted evening, you will see a stranger' and all that. Did anything like that ever happen to you?"
"I don't know. I guess so. Anything's possible."
"Well it doesn't happen to me. Not normally anyways."
"Uh-huh. Who was she?"
"What difference does it make. It's like someone dropped a load of bricks on my head, and then she was gone. Poof! Just like that, it was over before it started. Really screwed me up for some reason."
"So?"
"So nothing. Life goes on."
"Well I guess it can happen like that sometimes. Not to me, mind you. The guys I've been with have all been losers, you know. I was glad to see them go. Not that we didn't have fun, but for some reason I just can't ever find anyone normal. I always end up with these liars and control freaks. God, don't get me started."
"You ever been married?"
"No. How about you?"
"No. Seeing anyone?"
"Nothing serious. You?"
"Nah. You might find this hard to believe but a lot of people find me difficult to get along with."
"Sort of an asshole right?"
"Oh, come on. I'm not so..."
"I'm sorry. You're ok, and you're right - I shouldn't try to impress people all the time. I don't know why I do that."
"I don't know. You're kind of impressing me right now."
"I am?"
(silence)
"Hey, let's order up some dinner, ok."
"Sure. I'm starving."
"Hey waiter. I think we're ready."
Waiter: "Ok, what'll it be folks. Today's special is lemon pepper steak."
"What do you want? You still want the salad?"
"Yeah, I think I'll have the California salad. Is there any botox in that?"
Waiter: "Botox?"
"That was a joke. Ha-ha-ha..."
Waiter: "No botox, ma'am, but we can put a little collagen in the dressing if you'd like."
"No, that's ok. She'll have the California salad and I'll have the same. And waiter, how about a nice bottle of wine."
"Wine? (blech....)"
"Ok, skip the wine. How about a (beer?)".
"(ok)"
"Two California salads and a couple of bottles of beer. And leave the bottle caps."
Monday, February 19, 2007
Go Johnny Go
Happy President's Day. Picked up an amp for my new guitar today, so I'm all set to start jammin'. Unfortunately, my fingers are too sore to do any typing, so I thought I'd just post this picture of me with my new Epiphone instead. Enjoy.
Rock on, man.
Rock on, man.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
I Got Blisters On My Fingers
When most guys go through their mid-life crisis they go out and buy a new sports car or a boat, or maybe they leave their wife and run off to Mexico with some hot bimbo. I've never really been a "car" guy so the sports car ain't for me, and boats are nice but kind of a hassle to store and maintain, and although I'm not adverse to running off to Mexico with some bimbo, I've never really been promiscuous by nature, so what does a guy like me do when "male menopause" hits?
Maybe I should back up a bit before I answer that.
When I was about 8 or 9 years old my parents bought me a guitar. Actually, they didn't actually buy me the guitar, they bought me guitar lessons and the guitar was mine only as long as I continued with my lessons. It was a Takemine six string, a popular beginner model even to this day, and I'll never forget the night I took my first lesson and brought it home, being much too excited to eat my dinner or even to join my brothers to watch Batman on TV (the TV series with Adam West, not the movie. This was a long time ago folks). Needless to say I continued on with my lessons until the music teacher moved away, and continued on with another teacher for a couple of years before he died of a sudden stroke. After that my learning was pretty much hit-and-miss, picking up what I could where I could, but I never got rid of that guitar, and to this day I still have it and dust it off every now and then to give it a strum or pick out of few notes.
When I was a kid I also had a neighbor who had a piano in his living room. No one in his family played it, and it sounded like it hadn't been tuned since around VJ-Day, but every now and then I'd sit down at the keyboard and plunck a few keys until my friend's big brother, who wasn't a happy brother and never happy to see either me or my friend, would come downstairs and yell that I wasn't supposed to be playing it.
Anyways, that was the sum total of my childhood keyboard experience. I used to ask my parents if we could have a piano, but we weren't rich and it simply wasn't in the budget. Still, I always wanted to learn how to play the piano.
Which brings me to last week.
I got some Best Buy gift cards again for christmas last year, which, by the way, is the best present in the world for someone like me. I'm not a geek, but I certainly do like my electronics. Trouble is I never know what to spend my gift cards on. I figure a gift card is a good chance to buy a "want" instead of a "need", so I always hate to spend them on anything practical. So there I was wandering the aisles of the local Best Buy trying to decide if I really needed another MP3 player (I don't - I've got 4 already), and I turned a corner and there it was. The Yamaha YPT-400 keyboard.
In an instant my childhood yearning came rushing back to me. No muscle car or Harley for me - no, a piano has always been the object of my heart's desire. It's a beginner's model. Just 61 keys and not a lot of the fancy doodads that a pro might use. I don't think this is the sort of keyboard that Rick Wakeman would be interested in (and if you know who Rick Wakeman is then congratulations! You qualify for our special AARP discount). It's plenty good for me, though, considering I don't know how to play, and it has more functions and features than I'll ever be able to figure out.
So I brought it home and set it up on the living room table, and quickly realized that the living room table wasn't going to work. It was too high. What I needed was a keyboard stand, which takes me to the real point of this particular post. I figured that the best place to buy a keyboard stand was at a music store (Duh) so off I went off to the local Guitar Center store. If you've never been to a Guitar Center store before, and I hadn't, then I guess you can think of it as sort of a Rock 'n Roll Fry's. The San Jose store is huge with just about every concievable type of guitar, bass, drum kit, keyboard, amp, etc... for the budding Alvin Lee or Aynsley Dunbar (and if you know who Alvin Lee and Aynsley Dunbar are then congratulations! Qualified seniors get 10% off).
Anyways, I picked up a nice little folding stand for around $40, and on my way out of the store I looked up and there they were - such stuff as dreams are made. You see I was lying before about the piano. Sure, I always wanted a piano, but that wasn't my ultimate dream. You see, the real object of lust in my life has always been the Gibson Les Paul guitar. I had my Takemine acoustic, but you couldn't really jam with a Takemine acoustic. For that you needed a something like a Strat or a Les Paul, and I always liked the warm tones and sexy good looks of the Gibson. Trouble was, I was poor and they were always way out of my price range.
As I was walking out of the store, though, I passed by the guitars and there were all these LP's up there on the wall, and all of a sudden the drool started to run down my chin and on to my shirt and my heart started beating faster and faster, and I could see myself up on that stage with my LP wailing away like some kind of rock 'n roll god, and then I looked at the price tags and reality sent me crashing back to earth. Sorry, but $2,000 is too much to pay, especially for a guy who's picked up a guitar maybe twice in the last 20 years. So I shrugged and started to walk out, but before I could make the door I took a last glance over at the Epiphone Les Paul's they had displayed in the middle of the showroom, and...
Bingo! Sure, the materials aren't as good and they're factory made, but the Epiphones are also $1,500 less than the Gibsons, and they look and play just about the same. And that, my friends, was my male menopause moment. The little kid in me won out over the sober adult, and I bought myself a transparent blue Epiphone Les Paul Standard. If I do say so myself, she's a beauty. Of course I can't remember a single song I used to play anymore, but I do remember a lot of the chords and a few of the licks, so what the heck. The first day I brought it home I played for about 2 hours straight, and was quickly reminded of a time in my life when I used to have callouses on my fingers. When your fingers go raw and start to burn those details come back to you in a hurry, but the callouses will come and, meanwhile, this thing is a gas.
I've still got to get an amp. I didn't buy one at the time because that damn store was so noisy I couldn't hear myself think. I'll just go back sometime when it's a little quieter to try a few out. And I've still got my keyboard too. I'm shopping around for some piano lessons right now, but in the meantime I picked up a piece of software called "Teach Me Piano" which is pretty good at teaching basic fingering and note reading. I'm finishing up lesson 2 right now, and my fingers aching. I can barely type this blog tonight. That keyboard is a lot of fun though.
In fact, with all the musical tools and instruments and websites and software out there right now, what I can't figure out is why in the world are kids going out an buying something like "Gitaroo Man" (or whatever it's called). I was in Fry's the other day and kids were lined to play that thing, and meanwhile about ten rows down they had all these amazing consumer level keyboards, which, in my opinioin, would be a hell of a lot more fun and creatively rewarding than a video game. You know, when we were kids (uh-oh, here it comes), we would have killed to have something like a Yamaha YPT400. I mean, if you wanted to learn the piano, you had to buy a PIANO, you know what I mean. Now, for around $200 you can buy a 61 key full sized keyboard with all kinds of digital effects and accompaniments and whatever else you might need, and all these things do is sit around and gather dust.
Geez, what's wrong with these kids today.
Oh well, like I said, my fingers are killing me so I'm gonna have to stop typing now. The plan is to get some piano lessons, and then maybe a mixer of some kind and some software for the computer and who knows - maybe I'll be uploading something to Garageband or the Podsafe network someday. Unfortunately, I've got a lot of catching up to do between here and there, but they say you're never too old to learn. Right?
Right?
Maybe I should back up a bit before I answer that.
When I was about 8 or 9 years old my parents bought me a guitar. Actually, they didn't actually buy me the guitar, they bought me guitar lessons and the guitar was mine only as long as I continued with my lessons. It was a Takemine six string, a popular beginner model even to this day, and I'll never forget the night I took my first lesson and brought it home, being much too excited to eat my dinner or even to join my brothers to watch Batman on TV (the TV series with Adam West, not the movie. This was a long time ago folks). Needless to say I continued on with my lessons until the music teacher moved away, and continued on with another teacher for a couple of years before he died of a sudden stroke. After that my learning was pretty much hit-and-miss, picking up what I could where I could, but I never got rid of that guitar, and to this day I still have it and dust it off every now and then to give it a strum or pick out of few notes.
When I was a kid I also had a neighbor who had a piano in his living room. No one in his family played it, and it sounded like it hadn't been tuned since around VJ-Day, but every now and then I'd sit down at the keyboard and plunck a few keys until my friend's big brother, who wasn't a happy brother and never happy to see either me or my friend, would come downstairs and yell that I wasn't supposed to be playing it.
Anyways, that was the sum total of my childhood keyboard experience. I used to ask my parents if we could have a piano, but we weren't rich and it simply wasn't in the budget. Still, I always wanted to learn how to play the piano.
Which brings me to last week.
I got some Best Buy gift cards again for christmas last year, which, by the way, is the best present in the world for someone like me. I'm not a geek, but I certainly do like my electronics. Trouble is I never know what to spend my gift cards on. I figure a gift card is a good chance to buy a "want" instead of a "need", so I always hate to spend them on anything practical. So there I was wandering the aisles of the local Best Buy trying to decide if I really needed another MP3 player (I don't - I've got 4 already), and I turned a corner and there it was. The Yamaha YPT-400 keyboard.
In an instant my childhood yearning came rushing back to me. No muscle car or Harley for me - no, a piano has always been the object of my heart's desire. It's a beginner's model. Just 61 keys and not a lot of the fancy doodads that a pro might use. I don't think this is the sort of keyboard that Rick Wakeman would be interested in (and if you know who Rick Wakeman is then congratulations! You qualify for our special AARP discount). It's plenty good for me, though, considering I don't know how to play, and it has more functions and features than I'll ever be able to figure out.So I brought it home and set it up on the living room table, and quickly realized that the living room table wasn't going to work. It was too high. What I needed was a keyboard stand, which takes me to the real point of this particular post. I figured that the best place to buy a keyboard stand was at a music store (Duh) so off I went off to the local Guitar Center store. If you've never been to a Guitar Center store before, and I hadn't, then I guess you can think of it as sort of a Rock 'n Roll Fry's. The San Jose store is huge with just about every concievable type of guitar, bass, drum kit, keyboard, amp, etc... for the budding Alvin Lee or Aynsley Dunbar (and if you know who Alvin Lee and Aynsley Dunbar are then congratulations! Qualified seniors get 10% off).
Anyways, I picked up a nice little folding stand for around $40, and on my way out of the store I looked up and there they were - such stuff as dreams are made. You see I was lying before about the piano. Sure, I always wanted a piano, but that wasn't my ultimate dream. You see, the real object of lust in my life has always been the Gibson Les Paul guitar. I had my Takemine acoustic, but you couldn't really jam with a Takemine acoustic. For that you needed a something like a Strat or a Les Paul, and I always liked the warm tones and sexy good looks of the Gibson. Trouble was, I was poor and they were always way out of my price range.
As I was walking out of the store, though, I passed by the guitars and there were all these LP's up there on the wall, and all of a sudden the drool started to run down my chin and on to my shirt and my heart started beating faster and faster, and I could see myself up on that stage with my LP wailing away like some kind of rock 'n roll god, and then I looked at the price tags and reality sent me crashing back to earth. Sorry, but $2,000 is too much to pay, especially for a guy who's picked up a guitar maybe twice in the last 20 years. So I shrugged and started to walk out, but before I could make the door I took a last glance over at the Epiphone Les Paul's they had displayed in the middle of the showroom, and...
Bingo! Sure, the materials aren't as good and they're factory made, but the Epiphones are also $1,500 less than the Gibsons, and they look and play just about the same. And that, my friends, was my male menopause moment. The little kid in me won out over the sober adult, and I bought myself a transparent blue Epiphone Les Paul Standard. If I do say so myself, she's a beauty. Of course I can't remember a single song I used to play anymore, but I do remember a lot of the chords and a few of the licks, so what the heck. The first day I brought it home I played for about 2 hours straight, and was quickly reminded of a time in my life when I used to have callouses on my fingers. When your fingers go raw and start to burn those details come back to you in a hurry, but the callouses will come and, meanwhile, this thing is a gas.
I've still got to get an amp. I didn't buy one at the time because that damn store was so noisy I couldn't hear myself think. I'll just go back sometime when it's a little quieter to try a few out. And I've still got my keyboard too. I'm shopping around for some piano lessons right now, but in the meantime I picked up a piece of software called "Teach Me Piano" which is pretty good at teaching basic fingering and note reading. I'm finishing up lesson 2 right now, and my fingers aching. I can barely type this blog tonight. That keyboard is a lot of fun though.
In fact, with all the musical tools and instruments and websites and software out there right now, what I can't figure out is why in the world are kids going out an buying something like "Gitaroo Man" (or whatever it's called). I was in Fry's the other day and kids were lined to play that thing, and meanwhile about ten rows down they had all these amazing consumer level keyboards, which, in my opinioin, would be a hell of a lot more fun and creatively rewarding than a video game. You know, when we were kids (uh-oh, here it comes), we would have killed to have something like a Yamaha YPT400. I mean, if you wanted to learn the piano, you had to buy a PIANO, you know what I mean. Now, for around $200 you can buy a 61 key full sized keyboard with all kinds of digital effects and accompaniments and whatever else you might need, and all these things do is sit around and gather dust.
Geez, what's wrong with these kids today.
Oh well, like I said, my fingers are killing me so I'm gonna have to stop typing now. The plan is to get some piano lessons, and then maybe a mixer of some kind and some software for the computer and who knows - maybe I'll be uploading something to Garageband or the Podsafe network someday. Unfortunately, I've got a lot of catching up to do between here and there, but they say you're never too old to learn. Right?
Right?
Monday, February 12, 2007
Sonnet on Shostakovich Violin Concerto No. 1
xix.
This passacaglia for you, my dear
Wandering and unspoken valentine,
Having brought to me so much comfort here,
And such forgiveness to this heart of mine.
That such sweet pain could come from such a thin
Wood, that four strings and single bow could tell
True - my life played upon a violin,
Dark melancholy and despair - myself,
You see, the real me. I cannot forget
That all is you. No fault of yours, no blame
To you is given. But play these notes, let
That be my rest. There is joy in this pain,
A lonely cadenza has its beauty,
And in sad reflection of you, its duty.
This passacaglia for you, my dear
Wandering and unspoken valentine,
Having brought to me so much comfort here,
And such forgiveness to this heart of mine.
That such sweet pain could come from such a thin
Wood, that four strings and single bow could tell
True - my life played upon a violin,
Dark melancholy and despair - myself,
You see, the real me. I cannot forget
That all is you. No fault of yours, no blame
To you is given. But play these notes, let
That be my rest. There is joy in this pain,
A lonely cadenza has its beauty,
And in sad reflection of you, its duty.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Calendar Notes
The SF Symphony announced their 2007-08 season this week, and it was a little controversial. For the first time(?) the SF Symphony will be giving a free concert in San Jose, which has rankled some of the local California Symphony musicians who worry that such an appearance will syphon off some of their audience. It's all a bunch of bull, of course. The SF Symphony has been making appearances in the South Bay for years, and is considered by most people to be every bit as local as the California Symphony, but a free concert does stir things up a bit.
I don't care about any of that. When the season was announced I, like most people who are interested in such things, immediately searched the list of soloists to see who would be making an appearance this year. In fact, I was most interested in one particular soloist, and lo and behold, there she was.So yes, the good news is that Julia Fischer will be playing Sibelius with Michael Tilson-Thomas and the San Francisco Symphony. The bad news is that she will be making that appearance in Europe as part of the Symphony's late summer European tour. No date has been given but odds are I won't be hopping aboard a 747 just to see it. Deborah Voigt and Yefim Bronfman are also appearing with the Symphony on that tour, so it appears she's going to be in good company.
But wait, lucky for us Fischer will also be making a Bay Area appearance in November as part of the Symphony's Great Performer Series. These are a series of performances held throughout the season, each featuring some of the classical music world's, well, "great performers." The 2006-07 season features names such as Garrick Ohlsson, Murray Perahia, Christoph Eschenbach, Susan Graham, etc..., and it looks like they will bringing in more of the top players for 07/08, including the aforementioned Julia Fischer.
Unfortunately, she won't be appearing with MTT for her American performance, but will be playing with Yuri Temirkanov and the St. Petersburg Philharmonic instead. Still sounds good to me, and she'll be playing Beethoven as well, the same piece that was named one of the 10 best performances of 2006 by ionarts. Looking forward to that one.
And one more bit of Julia Fischer news. The lineup for this summer's Aspen Music Festival (registration required) was also announced this week, and it looks like she'll be appearing there too. No suprise since it seems that just about everybody in the music world manages to make it out to the Aspen Festival, and this year that will include jazz and pop artists as well. Fischer will be performing the Violin Concerto by Nicholas Maw, which I'm completely unfamiliar with but understand was written for Joshua Bell. In fact it's available on Rhapsody so maybe I'll give it a listen. Hmmm, is it worth a trip to Colorado? Nah, I'll just wait for November.
Well, that's all I've got tonight. Really I just wanted an excuse to post more pictures. Aren't you glad you stopped by?
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Spill the Wine, Dig That Girl
Well it just goes from bad to worse for poor S.F. Mayor Gavin Newsom. First the revelation about his affair with a co-worker and wife of his former campaign manager, and now new revelations that the Mayor will be entering a rehab program for an alcohol problem. Other than that, I'd say he's had a pretty uneventful February.
Now, of course, everywhere the Mayor goes he is pursued by a posse of reporters and cameramen, and he's the hot gossip all around the Bay Area. Such a mess, and you'd think world peace was hanging in the balance, but is it really? Is this what people are really concerned about, or is this just the sort of sensational news that grabs eyeballs and sells newspapers?
Seems to me, on a day-to-day basis, the important Bay Area news stories are high housing costs, crumbling infrastructure, crime, congestion...that sort of thing. I wonder if the people in the Fillmore or the Tenderloin or Bayview/Hunters Point are feeling safer tonight knowing that the Mayor is going into rehab, or if people living paycheck to paycheck feel a little more secure knowing that the Mayor deeply regrets his personal lapse of judgement. Wasn't it only last month the the Bay Area was going through a whole series of double murders? For some reason I think people care more about that then they do about Mayor Newsom's personal problems. Just look at this news clip (this is a deep link so I hope it works).
Which brings me to my point. Namely, I think it's high time we passed a law in this country making it illegal for elected officials to read newspapers, or listen to news reports, or watch the news on TV, because when they watch the news they seem to get a very distorted view of what's really important to the public they're supposed to serve. I mean if you were to believe what you see on the news then the thing most people care about today would be the country's jealous, out-of-control astronaut crisis.
It also works the other way around too. For example, why are they having this big debate in the Congress now over who supports Bush's war strategy and who doesn't. It's completely meaningless, and I think the public realizes that if the Commander-in-Chief is determined to kill that whale, then there's not much the officers and crew can do about it short of mutiny. Any Resolution that either does or doesn't get passed wouldn't have any teeth anyways, and the whole exercise is really about getting your name in the newspapers and on TV and positioning yourself for the next election. It's not going to end the violence or fix Social Security or cover anyone's medical expenses.
So that's why I think we need a law or something. That way the politicians can stop worrying about their press coverage and start talking more to the people. You know we have this Web 2.0 stuff nowadays, and the communication can flow in both directions. You don't need to get it secondhand from the talking heads. At least think about it, ok, 'cause we've got a lot of work to do.
Now, of course, everywhere the Mayor goes he is pursued by a posse of reporters and cameramen, and he's the hot gossip all around the Bay Area. Such a mess, and you'd think world peace was hanging in the balance, but is it really? Is this what people are really concerned about, or is this just the sort of sensational news that grabs eyeballs and sells newspapers?
Seems to me, on a day-to-day basis, the important Bay Area news stories are high housing costs, crumbling infrastructure, crime, congestion...that sort of thing. I wonder if the people in the Fillmore or the Tenderloin or Bayview/Hunters Point are feeling safer tonight knowing that the Mayor is going into rehab, or if people living paycheck to paycheck feel a little more secure knowing that the Mayor deeply regrets his personal lapse of judgement. Wasn't it only last month the the Bay Area was going through a whole series of double murders? For some reason I think people care more about that then they do about Mayor Newsom's personal problems. Just look at this news clip (this is a deep link so I hope it works).
Which brings me to my point. Namely, I think it's high time we passed a law in this country making it illegal for elected officials to read newspapers, or listen to news reports, or watch the news on TV, because when they watch the news they seem to get a very distorted view of what's really important to the public they're supposed to serve. I mean if you were to believe what you see on the news then the thing most people care about today would be the country's jealous, out-of-control astronaut crisis.
It also works the other way around too. For example, why are they having this big debate in the Congress now over who supports Bush's war strategy and who doesn't. It's completely meaningless, and I think the public realizes that if the Commander-in-Chief is determined to kill that whale, then there's not much the officers and crew can do about it short of mutiny. Any Resolution that either does or doesn't get passed wouldn't have any teeth anyways, and the whole exercise is really about getting your name in the newspapers and on TV and positioning yourself for the next election. It's not going to end the violence or fix Social Security or cover anyone's medical expenses.
So that's why I think we need a law or something. That way the politicians can stop worrying about their press coverage and start talking more to the people. You know we have this Web 2.0 stuff nowadays, and the communication can flow in both directions. You don't need to get it secondhand from the talking heads. At least think about it, ok, 'cause we've got a lot of work to do.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
I Used To Know A Guy Named Billy
"Hey you left the trunk open. Did you just get home?"
"No. There's some Ravioli on the stove if you're hungry."
"Why? Are you going out or something?"
"I just thought you might be hungry, that's all."
"Hey, what's with all the suitcases? Are you going somewhere?"
"What's it look like?"
"What do you mean 'what does it look like?', I asked you a question. What's with all the suitcases? Where the hell are you going?"
"I'm going away for a while. I need some time to...Look, the truth is it's just not working Billy. None of it. I've decided that I can't live like this any more, so... Look, I'm sorry, but please don't try to stop me. It won't do any good."
"You mean you're leaving me? Just like that? 'Oh hello Billy. There's some Ravioli on the stove and, by the way, we're through.' You can't just..."
"Please, don't start in with me. Not now. Anyways, don't tell me you didn't see it coming. You know as well as I do that..."
"Ok, so we've had our problems. We've always worked things out before, haven't we? Everybody has their ups and downs, it's normal. Look, you're upset, that's all. Why don't I make us a nice pot of tea and we can sit down and figure out what's wrong."
"No, you're not listening to me. I said I'm leaving you. A pot of tea? You think this is something you can fix with a pot of tea? What is wrong with you? Did you hear what I said? Don't you get it? It's over, Billy. We're finished."
"Just like that."
"Yeah, just like that. I should have done this years ago instead of waiting around and hoping you'd change, or that somehow you'd finally grow up and make something of yourself instead of us always just scraping by, or that you'd stop coming home drunk every night and expecting me to be there to understand and listen to you blame the world for all your troubles. I got news for you, it ain't the world Billy, it's you, and I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of it I want to just grab you by the throat and strangle you sometimes."
"Oh, so that's it. Look, we've been over this and over this. Sure I like to drink a little every now and then, but if it's bothering you I can stop. It's not a problem. I told you that but you..."
"It's not just the drinking. Not anymore. It's you Billy. When are you gonna stop giving up on yourself? When are you gonna start being a man, instead of just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. How do you think I feel living with a guy who's feeling miserable all the time? Look at me. I'm still young, I've still got time. I want to live, you know, have some fun, try new things. That's why I have to go. Can't you understand that?"
"But you're all I've got Mel. You can't leave me. I...I'd be lost without you. What...I can change. I mean you're right. You're absolutely right. It's time for me to grow up, that's all. Quit the drinking and maybe go back to school or something. I can change, Mel, honest I can. I know I've let you down but not this time. This time it's finally sunk in and I'm gonna be a new man. Maybe I can get a better job and we can buy us a little place somewhere. You know, like them ones we were looking at last summer. I can do this Mel, what do you say? Let's talk about this. Just give me another chance."
"No, Billy, we're all out of chances. Besides, it's too late for any of that now."
"Too late? Why?"
(there's a knock at the door and Billy looks up)
"Who's that?"
"It's probably my ride."
"You're ride? You're ride where?"
"C'mon in Smiley. The door's open."
"Smiley? What's he doing here?"
(Smiley walks in the door and grins at Billy)
"Hey, Billy, what's going on. Nice to see you conscious for a change. What happened? Was the liquor store closed today? Heh, heh, heh."
(Melanie turns to Smiley)
"I'm almost ready. You can start with those suitcases there."
"Sure thing. Did you give Billy the news?"
"Yeah, he knows."
(Billy looks at Melanie)
"Knows what?"
(Smiley walks up to Billy)
"Oh didn't she tell you. Melanie's gonna be staying over at my place for a while. Isn't that right, baby? Yeah, you see she's been telling me all about you. About how you and her ain't been getting along so good, and, well, you know Melanie and I have been getting along just fine, haven't we? So I figured if she needs a place to stay why doesn't she come over to my place for..."
(Billy grabs Smiley by the shirt but Melanie interrupts)
"Smiley, just grab those suitcases, ok? I'll be out there in a minute. Please, Smiley. Let me handle this."
"Ok, but I'll be out there by the car. If he tries anything you just start screaming."
(Smiley takes the suitcases and leaves)
"So that's how it is, huh? You and Smiley. How long has this been going on?"
"A couple of months, I guess."
"And you're gonna go live with him?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"You've been cheating on me, all this time, behind my back? And with that jackoff Smiley? You whore. You little..."
"Oh yeah? What's wrong with Smiley? He's strong, I like that in a man. You know what you're problem is Billy? You're weak, that's what you're problem is. You're always worrying about things and feeling sorry for people. Smiley's strong 'cause he don't give a shit, and I don't give a shit either. And if he up and leaves me for another woman, I won't give a shit about that either. I'm sick of worrying and feeling sorry for people. Especially you, Billy."
"Fine. You think I give a shit? Well I don't. Go off with Smiley. Be a whore, see if I care. He'll just use you like he uses everybody else. You'll see, and when he does don't come running back to me."
"Yeah right. Goodbye Billy."
"I mean it. Don't come here expecting me to take you back. You understand? I don't want you. I wouldn't have a whore like you."
(Melanie leaves)
"No good whore. Yeah, I'm glad you're gone. I wouldn't want you around anyways, whoring up the place. No good..."
(Billy starts to cry)
"Oh man oh man, I need a drink."
"No. There's some Ravioli on the stove if you're hungry."
"Why? Are you going out or something?"
"I just thought you might be hungry, that's all."
"Hey, what's with all the suitcases? Are you going somewhere?"
"What's it look like?"
"What do you mean 'what does it look like?', I asked you a question. What's with all the suitcases? Where the hell are you going?"
"I'm going away for a while. I need some time to...Look, the truth is it's just not working Billy. None of it. I've decided that I can't live like this any more, so... Look, I'm sorry, but please don't try to stop me. It won't do any good."
"You mean you're leaving me? Just like that? 'Oh hello Billy. There's some Ravioli on the stove and, by the way, we're through.' You can't just..."
"Please, don't start in with me. Not now. Anyways, don't tell me you didn't see it coming. You know as well as I do that..."
"Ok, so we've had our problems. We've always worked things out before, haven't we? Everybody has their ups and downs, it's normal. Look, you're upset, that's all. Why don't I make us a nice pot of tea and we can sit down and figure out what's wrong."
"No, you're not listening to me. I said I'm leaving you. A pot of tea? You think this is something you can fix with a pot of tea? What is wrong with you? Did you hear what I said? Don't you get it? It's over, Billy. We're finished."
"Just like that."
"Yeah, just like that. I should have done this years ago instead of waiting around and hoping you'd change, or that somehow you'd finally grow up and make something of yourself instead of us always just scraping by, or that you'd stop coming home drunk every night and expecting me to be there to understand and listen to you blame the world for all your troubles. I got news for you, it ain't the world Billy, it's you, and I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of it I want to just grab you by the throat and strangle you sometimes."
"Oh, so that's it. Look, we've been over this and over this. Sure I like to drink a little every now and then, but if it's bothering you I can stop. It's not a problem. I told you that but you..."
"It's not just the drinking. Not anymore. It's you Billy. When are you gonna stop giving up on yourself? When are you gonna start being a man, instead of just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. How do you think I feel living with a guy who's feeling miserable all the time? Look at me. I'm still young, I've still got time. I want to live, you know, have some fun, try new things. That's why I have to go. Can't you understand that?"
"But you're all I've got Mel. You can't leave me. I...I'd be lost without you. What...I can change. I mean you're right. You're absolutely right. It's time for me to grow up, that's all. Quit the drinking and maybe go back to school or something. I can change, Mel, honest I can. I know I've let you down but not this time. This time it's finally sunk in and I'm gonna be a new man. Maybe I can get a better job and we can buy us a little place somewhere. You know, like them ones we were looking at last summer. I can do this Mel, what do you say? Let's talk about this. Just give me another chance."
"No, Billy, we're all out of chances. Besides, it's too late for any of that now."
"Too late? Why?"
(there's a knock at the door and Billy looks up)
"Who's that?"
"It's probably my ride."
"You're ride? You're ride where?"
"C'mon in Smiley. The door's open."
"Smiley? What's he doing here?"
(Smiley walks in the door and grins at Billy)
"Hey, Billy, what's going on. Nice to see you conscious for a change. What happened? Was the liquor store closed today? Heh, heh, heh."
(Melanie turns to Smiley)
"I'm almost ready. You can start with those suitcases there."
"Sure thing. Did you give Billy the news?"
"Yeah, he knows."
(Billy looks at Melanie)
"Knows what?"
(Smiley walks up to Billy)
"Oh didn't she tell you. Melanie's gonna be staying over at my place for a while. Isn't that right, baby? Yeah, you see she's been telling me all about you. About how you and her ain't been getting along so good, and, well, you know Melanie and I have been getting along just fine, haven't we? So I figured if she needs a place to stay why doesn't she come over to my place for..."
(Billy grabs Smiley by the shirt but Melanie interrupts)
"Smiley, just grab those suitcases, ok? I'll be out there in a minute. Please, Smiley. Let me handle this."
"Ok, but I'll be out there by the car. If he tries anything you just start screaming."
(Smiley takes the suitcases and leaves)
"So that's how it is, huh? You and Smiley. How long has this been going on?"
"A couple of months, I guess."
"And you're gonna go live with him?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"You've been cheating on me, all this time, behind my back? And with that jackoff Smiley? You whore. You little..."
"Oh yeah? What's wrong with Smiley? He's strong, I like that in a man. You know what you're problem is Billy? You're weak, that's what you're problem is. You're always worrying about things and feeling sorry for people. Smiley's strong 'cause he don't give a shit, and I don't give a shit either. And if he up and leaves me for another woman, I won't give a shit about that either. I'm sick of worrying and feeling sorry for people. Especially you, Billy."
"Fine. You think I give a shit? Well I don't. Go off with Smiley. Be a whore, see if I care. He'll just use you like he uses everybody else. You'll see, and when he does don't come running back to me."
"Yeah right. Goodbye Billy."
"I mean it. Don't come here expecting me to take you back. You understand? I don't want you. I wouldn't have a whore like you."
(Melanie leaves)
"No good whore. Yeah, I'm glad you're gone. I wouldn't want you around anyways, whoring up the place. No good..."
(Billy starts to cry)
"Oh man oh man, I need a drink."
Monday, February 05, 2007
Sonnet for a Hard Road
xviii.
Driving up here tonight, where from the dark
Shadow of the road the valley lights spread
Beneath our feet, two moonlit shadows marked
Our place, as the world blinked silent and dead.
You came here, not me. I only followed,
And wondered where out there would you now wish
To be, if not with me. That Apollo
You seek, is he there? Is that his ghost which
You see hiding in the strange, twinkled gloom?
Tell me, I'm not afraid. It's your remove
That upsets me. It's your dreams which now loom
So distant, while I stand wordless, unused.
How we stare, in darkness, nothing to speak
And the lights so close, so out of our reach.
Driving up here tonight, where from the dark
Shadow of the road the valley lights spread
Beneath our feet, two moonlit shadows marked
Our place, as the world blinked silent and dead.
You came here, not me. I only followed,
And wondered where out there would you now wish
To be, if not with me. That Apollo
You seek, is he there? Is that his ghost which
You see hiding in the strange, twinkled gloom?
Tell me, I'm not afraid. It's your remove
That upsets me. It's your dreams which now loom
So distant, while I stand wordless, unused.
How we stare, in darkness, nothing to speak
And the lights so close, so out of our reach.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
The Many Faces of Eve
That was the Super Bowl, wasn't it? I just want to be sure because that would mean the Bears were supposed to be a Super Bowl caliber team, wouldn't it? Maybe they should make football more like figure skating and have some kind of compulsory round before they get to the final competition. You know, just to make sure that the teams can perform the basic functions like passing the ball to the right team and, oh, I don't know, maybe handling the snap from center. It might have saved that Grossman guy a lot of embarrassment.
Not that it was his fault. The Colt's offensive line pretty much pushed the Bears defensive line around the entire night. The real suprise was that the score wasn't more one-sided than it was. Either way it didn't make any difference to me. This should have been the Chargers year, and I'm mighty disappointed that they fell out of contention so early in the playoffs. Yeah, I know. Next year, next year...Out with the Colts, and in with the Bolts!
Anyways, that was the news down in Florida. Around here there were a couple of big stories you might not have heard about, the first one being that I've been sick (again) for the past few days. Yes, that's right. This is the third time I've come down with the bug since last summer, and I don't know why that is, but I'm sure it must have something to do with global warming. Whatever the cause, I don't want to be sick no more.
The other big story concerns the Mayor of San Francisco and a certain dalliance with the wife of one of his best friends. Now this isn't a gossip blog and I'm not going to go into the details, but it is interesting to see the reaction it got around town.
One of the local news stations sent a reporter to do some "man-on-the-street" interviews, and you couldn't have found a more clear-cut divide between males and females on the issue. To the men, a guy who sleeps with his best friend's wife is basically a scumbag, or on a scale of high to low would rate somewhere around subterranean. The men all felt the guy had some serious character issues and showed a real lack of ethical or moral substance. In other words, not the kind of guy you'd trust with your sister.
On the other hand, the woman interviewed didn't see the affair as that big a deal. They didn't think it showed any kind of character flaw or moral lapse in the Mayor, and a few even found the whole thing kind of sexy. None felt it changed their opinion of the Mayor one way or the other.
Which raises the question "is moral right and wrong really just a question of whose ox is being gored?" In other words, women might not see anything wrong with a married woman having an affair with a single man, but would they feel the same if the situation were reversed? Would they be so sanguine if this were a case of a married man having an affair with a single woman? Say, a married President having and affair with an unmarried intern?
You know, thinking back on the whole Monicagate thing, it doesn't seem to me that women, in general, were all that upset with the President. I don't remember any protests in the street or anything like that. In fact, I seem to remember just the opposite. I seem to remember certain women's groups actually rallying to the President's defense during his impeachment hearings (I'd fact check that but I don't feel like it right now. I think that's what happened though. Didn't it?)
So what does this mean? Does this mean that fidelity means more to men than it does to women? Do women actually find philandering husbands kind of sexy (as long as he's not "her" philandering husband)? I don't know, but it does bring to mind an old movie I saw once. I'm sorry I can't remember the name or who was in it, but there was this one scene where a young woman is torn between two men and comes to an older woman for advice. She tells the older woman that the one is responsible and steady, but a bit of a bore, while the other is an irresponsible ne'er-do-well, but devishly fun. She can't decide which one she should marry so she asks the older woman what she would do. The older woman replies "It's very simple, my dear. Marry the responsible one, and keep the other for a lover."
So, maybe from the female perspective, a married woman taking the Mayor for a lover was just doing what any woman would do. Geez, that's a depressing thought...
Well, Happy Valentine's Day all you husbands out there.
Not that it was his fault. The Colt's offensive line pretty much pushed the Bears defensive line around the entire night. The real suprise was that the score wasn't more one-sided than it was. Either way it didn't make any difference to me. This should have been the Chargers year, and I'm mighty disappointed that they fell out of contention so early in the playoffs. Yeah, I know. Next year, next year...Out with the Colts, and in with the Bolts!
Anyways, that was the news down in Florida. Around here there were a couple of big stories you might not have heard about, the first one being that I've been sick (again) for the past few days. Yes, that's right. This is the third time I've come down with the bug since last summer, and I don't know why that is, but I'm sure it must have something to do with global warming. Whatever the cause, I don't want to be sick no more.
The other big story concerns the Mayor of San Francisco and a certain dalliance with the wife of one of his best friends. Now this isn't a gossip blog and I'm not going to go into the details, but it is interesting to see the reaction it got around town.
One of the local news stations sent a reporter to do some "man-on-the-street" interviews, and you couldn't have found a more clear-cut divide between males and females on the issue. To the men, a guy who sleeps with his best friend's wife is basically a scumbag, or on a scale of high to low would rate somewhere around subterranean. The men all felt the guy had some serious character issues and showed a real lack of ethical or moral substance. In other words, not the kind of guy you'd trust with your sister.
On the other hand, the woman interviewed didn't see the affair as that big a deal. They didn't think it showed any kind of character flaw or moral lapse in the Mayor, and a few even found the whole thing kind of sexy. None felt it changed their opinion of the Mayor one way or the other.
Which raises the question "is moral right and wrong really just a question of whose ox is being gored?" In other words, women might not see anything wrong with a married woman having an affair with a single man, but would they feel the same if the situation were reversed? Would they be so sanguine if this were a case of a married man having an affair with a single woman? Say, a married President having and affair with an unmarried intern?
You know, thinking back on the whole Monicagate thing, it doesn't seem to me that women, in general, were all that upset with the President. I don't remember any protests in the street or anything like that. In fact, I seem to remember just the opposite. I seem to remember certain women's groups actually rallying to the President's defense during his impeachment hearings (I'd fact check that but I don't feel like it right now. I think that's what happened though. Didn't it?)
So what does this mean? Does this mean that fidelity means more to men than it does to women? Do women actually find philandering husbands kind of sexy (as long as he's not "her" philandering husband)? I don't know, but it does bring to mind an old movie I saw once. I'm sorry I can't remember the name or who was in it, but there was this one scene where a young woman is torn between two men and comes to an older woman for advice. She tells the older woman that the one is responsible and steady, but a bit of a bore, while the other is an irresponsible ne'er-do-well, but devishly fun. She can't decide which one she should marry so she asks the older woman what she would do. The older woman replies "It's very simple, my dear. Marry the responsible one, and keep the other for a lover."
So, maybe from the female perspective, a married woman taking the Mayor for a lover was just doing what any woman would do. Geez, that's a depressing thought...
Well, Happy Valentine's Day all you husbands out there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
