I Used To Know A Guy Named Billy

"Hey you left the trunk open. Did you just get home?"

"No. There's some Ravioli on the stove if you're hungry."

"Why? Are you going out or something?"

"I just thought you might be hungry, that's all."

"Hey, what's with all the suitcases? Are you going somewhere?"

"What's it look like?"

"What do you mean 'what does it look like?', I asked you a question. What's with all the suitcases? Where the hell are you going?"

"I'm going away for a while. I need some time to...Look, the truth is it's just not working Billy. None of it. I've decided that I can't live like this any more, so... Look, I'm sorry, but please don't try to stop me. It won't do any good."

"You mean you're leaving me? Just like that? 'Oh hello Billy. There's some Ravioli on the stove and, by the way, we're through.' You can't just..."

"Please, don't start in with me. Not now. Anyways, don't tell me you didn't see it coming. You know as well as I do that..."

"Ok, so we've had our problems. We've always worked things out before, haven't we? Everybody has their ups and downs, it's normal. Look, you're upset, that's all. Why don't I make us a nice pot of tea and we can sit down and figure out what's wrong."

"No, you're not listening to me. I said I'm leaving you. A pot of tea? You think this is something you can fix with a pot of tea? What is wrong with you? Did you hear what I said? Don't you get it? It's over, Billy. We're finished."

"Just like that."

"Yeah, just like that. I should have done this years ago instead of waiting around and hoping you'd change, or that somehow you'd finally grow up and make something of yourself instead of us always just scraping by, or that you'd stop coming home drunk every night and expecting me to be there to understand and listen to you blame the world for all your troubles. I got news for you, it ain't the world Billy, it's you, and I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of it I want to just grab you by the throat and strangle you sometimes."

"Oh, so that's it. Look, we've been over this and over this. Sure I like to drink a little every now and then, but if it's bothering you I can stop. It's not a problem. I told you that but you..."

"It's not just the drinking. Not anymore. It's you Billy. When are you gonna stop giving up on yourself? When are you gonna start being a man, instead of just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. How do you think I feel living with a guy who's feeling miserable all the time? Look at me. I'm still young, I've still got time. I want to live, you know, have some fun, try new things. That's why I have to go. Can't you understand that?"

"But you're all I've got Mel. You can't leave me. I...I'd be lost without you. What...I can change. I mean you're right. You're absolutely right. It's time for me to grow up, that's all. Quit the drinking and maybe go back to school or something. I can change, Mel, honest I can. I know I've let you down but not this time. This time it's finally sunk in and I'm gonna be a new man. Maybe I can get a better job and we can buy us a little place somewhere. You know, like them ones we were looking at last summer. I can do this Mel, what do you say? Let's talk about this. Just give me another chance."

"No, Billy, we're all out of chances. Besides, it's too late for any of that now."

"Too late? Why?"

(there's a knock at the door and Billy looks up)

"Who's that?"

"It's probably my ride."

"You're ride? You're ride where?"

"C'mon in Smiley. The door's open."

"Smiley? What's he doing here?"

(Smiley walks in the door and grins at Billy)

"Hey, Billy, what's going on. Nice to see you conscious for a change. What happened? Was the liquor store closed today? Heh, heh, heh."

(Melanie turns to Smiley)

"I'm almost ready. You can start with those suitcases there."

"Sure thing. Did you give Billy the news?"

"Yeah, he knows."

(Billy looks at Melanie)

"Knows what?"

(Smiley walks up to Billy)

"Oh didn't she tell you. Melanie's gonna be staying over at my place for a while. Isn't that right, baby? Yeah, you see she's been telling me all about you. About how you and her ain't been getting along so good, and, well, you know Melanie and I have been getting along just fine, haven't we? So I figured if she needs a place to stay why doesn't she come over to my place for..."

(Billy grabs Smiley by the shirt but Melanie interrupts)

"Smiley, just grab those suitcases, ok? I'll be out there in a minute. Please, Smiley. Let me handle this."

"Ok, but I'll be out there by the car. If he tries anything you just start screaming."

(Smiley takes the suitcases and leaves)

"So that's how it is, huh? You and Smiley. How long has this been going on?"

"A couple of months, I guess."

"And you're gonna go live with him?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"You've been cheating on me, all this time, behind my back? And with that jackoff Smiley? You whore. You little..."

"Oh yeah? What's wrong with Smiley? He's strong, I like that in a man. You know what you're problem is Billy? You're weak, that's what you're problem is. You're always worrying about things and feeling sorry for people. Smiley's strong 'cause he don't give a shit, and I don't give a shit either. And if he up and leaves me for another woman, I won't give a shit about that either. I'm sick of worrying and feeling sorry for people. Especially you, Billy."

"Fine. You think I give a shit? Well I don't. Go off with Smiley. Be a whore, see if I care. He'll just use you like he uses everybody else. You'll see, and when he does don't come running back to me."

"Yeah right. Goodbye Billy."

"I mean it. Don't come here expecting me to take you back. You understand? I don't want you. I wouldn't have a whore like you."

(Melanie leaves)

"No good whore. Yeah, I'm glad you're gone. I wouldn't want you around anyways, whoring up the place. No good..."

(Billy starts to cry)

"Oh man oh man, I need a drink."