Once I Built a Railroad

So what if the markets were down about 3 to 4 percent today - look on the bright side: It's not everyday that you can go to sleep thousands of dollars poorer than when you woke up. Just imagine how dull life would be if we just kept getting richer and richer all the time.

(yawn)

I say "easy come, easy go". After all, it's only money. It's only food and shelter. It's only the mortgage payment and the insurance and the electric bill and the water bill and the food on the table and that little something extra you were hoping would see you through your old age. It's only MONEY.

Aaahhh. Well, like they say, the stock market is no place for sissies. If you're gonna jump out a window every time your net worth takes a beating then maybe you should just put your money in a mattress and take up needlepoint or something. Right? If you're gonna be an investor then you (cough) better (sniffle) be (sob) tough.

(Waaahhhhh....what happened to all my money? Waahhhhh....I knew I should have sold everything last week. Waaahhhhh....It isn't fair. Waaahhhh....I want my money back.)

No, no, no. I'm just kidding. My motto is invest for the long haul and always look for new opportunities in the vicissitudes of the market. When life hands him a basketful of lemons, the shrewd investor doesn't complain; he just finds new ways to capitalize on the misery of others. So, Dead Cat, I hear you asking, where should I be investing my money given what has just happened in the market today? Well, I'm glad you asked.

As a matter of fact I discuss that very topic in this month's issue of my "Rich Cat, Poor Dad" newsletter. You'll get investment advice, harebrained analysis, pithy quotes, baffling charts, columns and columns of pointless statistics, and highly suspect first-person testimonials that you just know can't possibly be true - all for the low introductory price of $699 per year. But wait, order your subscription before March 1, 2007 and I'll also include, free of charge, my "Ten Secrets Every Power Investor Should Know". Learn the secrets of the pros - puts, calls, covered calls, naked puts, naked putts, naked golf, naked christmas parties - it's all there. Learn when to split, when to double down, when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em, invest like a pro and see your returns double and triple, all within the first week.

That's right. You get my "Rich Cat" newsletter plus the "Ten Secrets Every Power Investor Should Know" all for the low price of just $699 per year. Act now and as your special gift we'll also include our "Rich Cat" datebook and planner with the special "Rich Cat" logo on the cover, because, who doesn't need one of those.

Operators are standing by, and in the meantime just remember - money comes and money goes, but hemorrhoids are forever.

(Yeah, I know. That last joke was pretty stupid. If I wasn't so poor I'd come up with something better)