Here, There, and Everywhere

(It's been a while since Dead Cat sat down to talk with Google co-founder Sergey Brin. Since he lives in the area we thought it was time we caught up with him and find out what's cooking at everybody's favorite search engine company. Although he's worth an estimated 16 billion dollars, it's a little known secret that Sergey likes to lunch on 49 cent Jack-In-The-Box tacos. That's where we sat down with him for this interview.)

DC: Sergey, good to talk with you again.

SB: Thanks. Hey, they didn't give me any hot sauce.

DC: Want me to get some for you?

SB: No, it's not important.

DC: So, other than the taco, how are things going? Are Google's plans for world domination still on schedule?

SB: C'mon, you know we're just a search engine company. When you get to be a huge multinational company people tend to overreact, but underneath it all we're still just an internet company, and we certainly don't have any plans for world domination.

DC: On the level?

SB: I've got no further comment on that.

DC: Ok, how about this rumored "Google Phone" that we keep hearing about. Any truth to the rumors?

SB: As you know, Google is constantly researching new technologies and new opportunities for growth. We have been taking a look at the mobile phone market, but it's way too early to know if anything will come of it.

DC: Why the phone business?

SB: Well it's been estimated that there are roughly 2 billion mobile phone users around the world today. That's about 1/3 of the earth's total population. With those kind of numbers it's only natural that advertisers would want to tap into that market, and Google thinks that is going to be a significant market in the future.

DC: You mean ads on our cellphones?

SB: Yes. Traditional advertising to be sure, but we think that with more and more people using their phones for internet access, something unobtrusive like Google AdSense would be a nice fit.

DC: Google's going to put ads on my cellphone? I already pay out the wazoo for cellular service, and now Google wants me to pay to get ads too?

SB: Let me ask you this. How would you feel about a free phone, with no contract, in exchange for a few AdSense ads appearing on your phone? I think many people will find an offer like that very appealing.

DC: It sounds fascist to me. A little big-brotherish, if you know what I mean.

SB: Why would you say that?

DC: Because, it's my phone. I don't want to walk around with a little billboard in my pocket that's constantly messing with my head and trying to get me to buy stuff. A phone is supposed to be something you talk into, not something that's trying to sell you a big screen TV.

SB: I don't think the younger generation sees it that way. I think advertising and brand awareness are very important to them. Let me ask you something, have you ever seen a young person when he's not being advertised to? Have you ever seen them when they're not plugged into something? What happens. They get bored, that's what happened. They get sweaty and anxious without a constant stream of commercials coursing through their brains. That's why branding is so important. A young person today doesn't ask "who am I" or "where did I come from" or "what will I do with my life" - they ask "what's my brand identity?" That's their whole concept of being.

DC: You're mad, Sergey. You know that don't you?

SB: Ad supported is the wave of the future, Dead Cat, and Google is going to be a leader, not a follower.

DC: So what else are you guys working on besides the "Google Phone"?

SB: Well we do have one project that I'm particularly excited about but I'm afraid I can't discuss that now.

DC: Oh c'mon Sergey, you know that no one reads this blog. Believe me, your secret is safe here.

SB: You're sure no one reads this?

DC: Positive.

SB: Ok, try this on for size. How does "Google Dreams" grab you?

DC: "Google Dreams"? You don't mean...

SB: Exactly. Just think about it. We spend 1/3 of our lives sleeping. That's 1/3 of our lives that's been out of the reach of advertisers. At least, until now.

DC: No, no, no...Now wait a minute. Are you saying advertisers are going to put ads into our dreams?

SB: There's been some very exciting work in this field, and we think the technology is just about ready to roll out. What do you think of an AdSense ad that not only appears on your computer screen, but also embeds itself into your subconscious and waits there for you to fall asleep before re-emerging in your dreams?

DC: I don't think I'll ever want to fall asleep again.

SB: The money Google can make from selling AdWords would be enormous. How much do you think it would be worth for a brand like Folgers or Maxwell House to buy a word like "coffee" and insert it in your dreams, so that when you wake up in the morning the first thing you're thinking is "Mmmmm, I sure could go for a cup of Folgers." Or MacDonalds, maybe. They might like to buy "hungry" so that you'd wake up craving one of their breakfast combo meals. I tell you the potential is enormous.

DC: Or Pfizer could buy the words "Angelina Jolie" so that everytime you dream of her you'd get a Viagra ad.

SB: Exactly! Something like that.

DC: Google ads on my desktop, Google ads on my laptop, Google ads on my cellphone, and now Google ads in my dreams. My God, you guys really are planning to take over the world.

SB: We're just bringing new efficiencies to the market, that's all, and the internet has made it possible.

DC: Now you've got me scared, Sergey. Anything else on Google's radar screen?

SB: "Google Graves"?

DC: Google what?

SB: You know funerals are very expensive. I think a lot of people would gladly accept some discreet, tasteful advertising in exchange for a free funeral service and grave site.

DC: Advertising? Where?

SB: On the headstone. You know, maybe a 1-800-flowers ad or something like that. Very respectful. Or maybe a health spa ad. You know, a 24 hour Fitness or someone like that could place something on the headstone as well.

DC: You mean something like "Don't end up like Fred. Call 24 Hour Fitness for your free trial membership."

SB: Sure. Something like that.

DC: Well thanks for talking with us Sergey. As always, it's been a frightening look into the future.

SB: Don't be frightened. When the world finally let's go of its fear and goes Google, it will be a better place.

DC: Now I'm really scared.