Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

So I told you I was selling a house. Did you think I'd have time for blogging too? Sheesh, I barely have time for sleep, let alone profound blog thoughts.

Anyways, in case you were wondering I've been doing this house thing, and let me tell you, it's no fun being a seller. You just keep worrying and wondering if it's going to sell and if anyone's going to want to buy it, and it certainly doesn't help that every night some gloomy gus comes on the news and starts telling you how lousy the housing market is now. "Why, you'd have to be some kind of moron to try to sell a house in this market."

"Gee, thanks. I feel better now."

Now I'm sure that there are lots of people who have no problem selling their house. They just go with the flow and let the markets work their magic. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. I'm the type that when the house inspector comes out I'm just sure he's going to find major damage -

"Say, Mr. Myers, we checked under the house and it looks like the whole thing has fallen off it's foundation."

"It has? Is that what that big crack in the living room is?"

"Must be. It'll cost you three million dollars to fix it."

"Anything else?"

"Well the upstairs plumbing is leaking and you've got water damage in all the walls and floors."

"So that's why we haven't had any water pressure."

"Cost you three million dollars to fix it."

"Anything else?"

"Oh, and about that roof."

"Yes?"

"Well, have you noticed you don't have one?"

"To tell you the truth I haven't really looked."

"Yeah, it looks like the termites and the roof rats have eaten the roof all the way down to the rafters."

"Don't tell me. Three million do..."

"Cost you five million dollars to fix that."

Yeah, it's no fun to be a seller. It's kind of like going in front of St. Peter and answering for all your sins, you know what I mean. You know that Judgment Day is going to come, but you just keep putting things off. Then, you decide to sell and find out that all those little jobs you meant to get to sooner or later are written right there in that book. On the other hand, I am blogging tonight so I guess that can only mean one thing. Yep,

Someone actually wants to buy the house!

In fact it's better than that. Lots of people want to buy the house. Hmmm, seems to me that maybe that old saying is in need of a rewrite. Happiness may be a warm puppy, but true happiness is a good location and multiple offers. Anyways, that's why I'm blogging tonight. The house is sold, and for 3% over the asking price. So much for the great housing collapse of 2007. It might look like that in Detroit, but here in the Silicon Valley jobs are plentiful, demand is high, and folks are flush with cash.

Of course, the fact that it was...I mean is...I mean was...a great house might have something tgo do with it. I'm gonna miss my little castle in Spain. I really am, but life goes on. Still, I get a little misty eyed just thinking about how the new owners are gonna feel on that first peaceful morning when they look out their window at that serene little yard and see the dew on the grass and roses in bloom, and the deer out in the front yard eating all their exotic flowers and fancy ornamentals. Damn, I'm gonna miss those #$@^! deer.

But I don't want to talk about selling the house because, frankly, who cares. I've been thinking I should start a blog about books that came out four years ago and that I'm now just getting around to reading. I mean, that's how most books get read, isn't it? Most people don't read a book the day it comes out (except for Harry Potter). They hear about it or read a review, and think "Sounds good. I should read that sometime", and then four years later they finally get around to reading it.

The book I just read is The Devil in The White City by Erik Larson, and it was great. I know that's not much of a review but the book came out four years ago for crying out loud. At this point, what more can I say?

Anyways, the book is about the Great Columbian Exposition of 1893 and mass murder. It seems like a strange combination, but it works (and it's nonfiction, by the way). The thing that got me was how magnificent that World's Fair must have been. Think about it. People from farms in Iowa, Indiana, and Illinois who had no running water and only kerosine lamps to light their houses, got on trains and traveled to this fair in Chicago and saw these huge buildings lit with electric lights, saw safety elevators take people up and down in little cars, saw electric boats gliding silently on Lake Michigan, saw a giant wheel lift people three hundred feet in the air (Ferris' wheel was the tallest structure in Chicago at the time), saw kinetiscopes displaying moving pictures, and perhaps most amazing of all saw Thomas Edison's new invention that could actually capture and store the human voice. They say the people who saw the fair never forgot it.

Now here we are a little over a hundred years later, and that kind of awe-inspiring spectacle will never be seen again. It can't be. We've now become so accustomed to technological change and the pace of technological change, that most of the wonder and the magic are simply gone. Well not gone so much as mass-produced into irrelevance. Isn't that what the Iphone is really all about? Nowadays, "wonder" is focus-grouped and field-tested and produced in such a machine-like fashion that real "wonder" is just a relic of a bygone era, replaced by "hype" and "buzz". Or do you think it's just a coincidence that the Iphone is being released at 6:00 pm just when the local newscasts are going on the air? Do you think that Apple is going to complain when all the local news shows send their live crews down to the local Apple store to provide breaking coverage of "Iphone mania"?

It's the age we live in. The age of "Buzz". Man, what I wouldn't give to have lived a hundred and fourteen years ago, to have been ignorant and unknowing, and to have traveled to the World's Fair.

The Prince and the Pauper

"Hey! What the ... How did you get in here?"

"Sorry Senator, but the door was open. I thought it would be ok."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No. You see I just wanted to talk to you for a sec..."

"Justin... Justin... JUSTIN!"

(a reply comes from another room)

"Yes Senator?"

"Justin. Who let this person in my office?"

(Justin enters the room)

"What? Hey, you can't be in here."

"If you don't mind I just wanted to ask the Senator a few questions."

(Justin replies)

"Look, you'll have to leave. No one is allowed in here without an appointment."

"But..."

"I said you'll have to leave. Do you understand?"

"Sure, I understand. I'm going, ok? But, first I wanted to ask the Senator a few questions. It'll only take a minute. I promise."

(Now the Senator starts speaking)

"What did you want to talk to me about? If you need a pass to visitor's gallery Justin can get you one from the front desk."

"No, I wanted to ask you about health care reform."

"I don't discuss policy - not without an appointment."

"But I'm one of your constituents. Don't you have time to talk a voter?"

"Yeah, sure. What's this really about? A hospital? A clinic? Let me guess, you need some help from Washington. A few dollars to get you going, or waiver of some kind. Right?"

"No, nothing like that. I just..."

"Justin, maybe you should explain the proper procedures to this gentleman."

(Justin turns to me)

"The senator is always glad to listen to the needs of his constituents, but you've got to understand that the senator is a very busy man and there are lots of people asking for his time. He can't just talk to every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes walking into his office. Of course, if someone was to do the senator a little favor, then I'm sure he'd be happy to offer whatever assistance he could."

"A favor? Like what?"

"Oh any little thing. It doesn't have to be much."

"You mean money? You want me to give the Senator some money?"

"No, no, no. A favor is all he asks."

"Well, I could give him twenty bucks."

Twenty dollars? Is that some kind of a joke? You're offering us twenty ..."

(The Senator bursts out laughing)

"Ah hell, Justin. Let the man have his say. Besides, twenty bucks might come in handy. Tell you what, just put the money on my desk there and I'll see what I can do for you. And that's a campaign contribution, you understand. I don't want want you to get the wrong idea."

"Yeah, sure...here you go."

"So you want to talk about health care reform, do you. Ok, what do you want to know?"

"Well Senator, I mean, you know, somethings gotta be done. Health care costs are going through the roof, and everybody's paying more and more and lots of employers are dropping health care coverage altogether, and people need help."

"Rumors, all rumors. I can assure you our health care system is the best in the world."

"Excuse me Senator, but they're not rumors. It's getting bad out there."

"Well then it's those damn illegals. They come over here just so they can get sick."

"With all due respect Senator..."

"Justin, get Fred Blake over at the National HMO Association on the phone. I want to see if he's heard anything about this health care problem."

"Sure Senator...I'm dialing...Hello, this is Senator ____'s office calling. Is Mr. Blake available. Yes, sure, thank you...Hello, Mr. Blake? Hello sir, I've got Senator ____ on the line. Just one moment...Fred Blake on line 1 Senator."

"Hello Fred? How 'ya doing you ol' fart. Yeah...what?...oh yeah, she's fine. Yeah, they're fine too. My oldest is starting college in the fall. Yeah, Harvard, wants to be a lawyer. I told her she ought to try to find some honest work instead. Hah, hah, hah...What? Are you kidding? Gonna cost me an arm and a leg...yeah, well...yeah, we're both very proud...Listen Fred, the reason I'm calling is because I've got a citizen in my office now and he's telling me there's something wrong with the health care system in this country. No...no...of course not, I'm just telling you what he said... What?...Yeah, I got it...Yeah, it was. It was very generous, and believe me I'm not gonna forget you for this...Huh?...No, that's not necess...well, yeah, sure. I appreciate that. You know how expensive these campaigns are getting nowadays...What?...The Bahamas? Let me check my calendar and get back to you on that...No, I haven't heard anything. I tell you, I don't think anything's going to happen until after the election...No, don't worry. That's not going to be a problem...Well thanks. I'm always glad to help. But listen, about this health care thing...well, you see, that's what I thought. You know how these news shows are. Getting people all worked up over nothing. Christ, they can't find any real news to cover so they've gotta start making things up and getting everybody in a panic... Yeah, I know, I know, it's those damn illegals. Listen, I gotta go, but I'll get back to you on that Bahama's thing...Sure...no problem. Say hello to the missus for me. Alright Fred, great talking to you."

(The Senator hangs up and talks to me)

"That was Fred Blake, and believe you me he knows everything there is to know about the health care business. You know he lobbies for over 100 different HMO's and PPO's in this country. There isn't anything he doesn't know about health care, and he tells me there's nothing wrong with the system. Says it's just these news people who are creating the problem. If I were you I'd just stop worrying and let the government take care of things. And don't believe everything you read in the paper."

"But Senator, it's real. People are afraid of getting sick because they don't have insurance. People are scared to death that something's going to happen to their children and they won't have the money to pay for it. Old people are spending their food money on drugs. The newspapers aren't making it up."

"Look, I'd like to help you but..."

"But what?"

"But you're out of favors, if you know what I mean. Look, I answered your questions so why don't you just let me get back to my business."

"No, you haven't answered my questions. You're just burying your head in the sand."

"..."

"Senator? Did you hear me?"

"..."

"Oh, I get it. You need another favor. Sorry, I don't have any more cash on me."

"..."

"Look, you can see for yourself. My wallet's empty."

"..."

"Geez. Ok, is there an ATM around here?"

"There's a bank around the corner."

"How about a check. Will you take a check?"

"How big of a check?"

"Uh, a hundred dollars?"

"..."

"Five hundred dollars?"

"..."

"A thousand dollars? I can't go any higher than that."

"Don't make it out to me. Make it out to 'The American Freedom Coalition'. They'll see that it gets to the right account."

"The American Freedom Coalition. Right...Here you go. One thousand dollars. Now can we talk?"

"Justin, get Gloria Palmer of the American Pharmaceutical Association on the phone...What line?...Line 1?...Hello Gloria, this is Senator ____ calling. How are you today?...Yes, yes I did. That was very generous of you...Of course...I'm behind you 100% and I promise I'll do everything in my power to...Where? Where's that?...Oh, the South of France. Sounds nice. Let me check my calendar...Of course I will, just as soon as I...no, you don't have to thank me. It's my pleasure. Listen Gloria, the reason I'm calling is I've got a citizen in my office who's telling me that there are uninsured people in America who are having a hard time affording their medications. Have you heard anything about that?...Uh-huh...Uh-huh...Is that so. No I didn't know...Well that's outrageous. Someone's got to put a stop to that...I see...Well, I'm glad you told me. I had no idea...Uh-huh..Ok, I'll get in touch with you later. Alright, bye-bye."

"So what did she say? I was right, wasn't I?"

"No, you were totally wrong. She told me that the reason the health care system is in so much trouble is because people are importing dangerous drugs from overseas. Did you know that? They buy 'em cheap and import them illegally into this country. Why, that's the most underhanded thing I've ever heard of. I can tell you right now, we're going to put a stop to that."

"You're pathetic, Senator."

"What did you say?"

"I said you're pathetic. You don't care about the people at all, do you? You just take care of your rich and powerful friends so that they can take care of you, and you don't care about the needs of the average working person at all. You're pathet..."

"Now that'll be enough of that. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and listen to you whine like a little baby just because the world doesn't cater to your needs. Is that what you think we're here for? Is that what you think Congress is supposed to do? Take care of you like your mommy and your daddy? Quit you're crying and get the hell out of my office."

"You're supposed to lead us and find solutions to the nation's problems. Instead you just stuff your pockets full of money and do nothing."

"Look, I'm going to tell you something, and then I want you to leave. Ok? Congress is not here to solve the nation's problems. You're thinking about it all wrong. Congress is like...like...like a venture capitalist. People come to us with their projects and ideas, and we provide the investment capital to get them going. If you need a few highway jobs in your district, we earmark a little investment. If you need some help for your pig farmers, we earmark a little for them too. You see, that's what keeps the people happy and the nation growing. We take your tax dollars and we invest them back into the community. Is that such a bad thing?"

"So you're not going to do anything about health care reform, are you? Or social security, or immigration reform, or energy independence. All you're gonna do is bring home the bacon for the folks back home, and hope nobody notices that nothing ever gets done. As long as the voters are complacent and lazy, that's all that matters."

"I believe you're finally catching on. Look, you want some advice? Don't take things so seriously. Sure we got problems, but who doesn't? Forget all that, and just concentrate on what's really important in life."

"Like what? Paris Hilton?"

"Yeah, like Paris Hilton. Like Lindsay Lohan. Like Brittany Spears. That's what people care about. They don't sit around and think about all the problems in the world. What for? As long as Paris Hilton is in jail and they're not, then how bad can things be."

"It's not always going to be like that. One day the people are going to wake up and see how people like you are getting fat and rich while they're just getting by, and they're gonna go to the polls and vote. And then where will you be, Senator?"

"I'll be right here in my office, and if they come looking for me, tell 'em to bring cash."

Whatever Happened to Bobby Sherman?

The latest craze seems to be these eating contests. Do you have those in your area? They get a bunch of contestants together to see who can eat the most hot dogs or buffalo wings or whatever in the least amount of time. I don't know why, but for some reason news directors all seem to think that these eating contests make good TV. Personally, I think they're some of the grossest things I've ever seen. I sure hope this fad runs its course.

And the quicker, the better.

But on a evening like this, who cares about greasy slobs pigging out on TV. It's pretty redundant at this point to say that we've been having some weird weather, but, you know, the weather's been really weird this year. Here we are in the middle of June (almost), a season when we'd normally expect hot days and warm summer evenings, and yet the weather couldn't be milder or nicer. Right now I'm sitting out on my patio and the sun is just starting to set and there's a cool breeze blowing down through the pine trees and...man, this is about as good as it gets. In fact, if I had to describe it I couldn't, except to play you this old song that keeps bouncing around my head. For some reason an evening like this makes me think of this song.

So, I'll probably go to jail for posting this, but go ahead and download this. It's an old Afro-Cuban lullaby played on the guitar by Christopher Parkening. As it's playing close your eyes and imagine yourself sitting with me under the trees and staring at the stars. Just the two of us. Ooh, it's a little chilly - would you like to borrow my coat? There, that's better. Oh yeah, this is nice, isn't it?

(Ahem. Sorry about that. I was just having one of my little fantasies again)

So what's new. Well, let's see. I finally got my cable installed. I know, I don't watch much TV but Comcast has a pretty good deal going. It's $29.95/mo for digital cable with HBO and DVR. Not bad. That's about half of what I used to pay for DirecTV without HBO. Anyways, I've got this Comcast DVR thing setup and it's not too bad either. I'd heard horror stories about it, but I haven't had any problems with it at all. The UI isn't as good as my old TIVO, but it's not that hard to figure out.

The best thing is that Comcast gives you dual tuners and you don't have to pay for an extra line. That means is that you can watch one channel while you're recording another, or just record two shows at once. Pretty convenient, but overkill for me. I'm lucky if I can find even one thing on TV that's worth watching, let alone two things at once.

Which leads me to whole Letterman vs. Leno thing. Now that I've got my new DVR I can finally watch both shows, and, more importantly for me, I can see the bands they each have at the end of their shows. I don't know why they always put the bands on last, but that's what they do. Whatever the reason, I think it's clear that in terms of musical quality there's just no comparison between the two shows. Frankly,

Where does the Tonight Show find those godawful bands?

Not that all the bands on Letterman are picked from the top of the talent tree, mind you, but they do have some pretty good bands on that show. I don't remember their names, but I like most of 'em. The Tonight Show, on the other hand, has some of the worst bands I've ever seen in my entire life, and what really bothers me is that most of them can't play. It drives me crazy. Especially the guitarists. They line up there on stage with all these fancy axes and effect pedals - thousands of dollars worth of equipment, just so they can play a couple of chords and make it sound really cool. It drives me nuts. Why don't they learn to play first, and then move on to all the fancy doodads? Too old school, I guess.

The way it works, I think, is that someone from the Tonight Show staff goes down to the local modeling agency and finds a bunch of twenty-somethings with the right "look". When they find them they take them back to the studio, give them an instrument, teach them each a couple of notes, find some insipid little teen pop ballad for them to play, and then put them on in the last 3 minutes of the show when they think no one is watching. I'm watching, though, and let me tell you it's painful.

What I don't get, though, is that both shows have pretty good house bands but they never let them play on TV. All you get is a little snippet here and there, but never the full song. I remember Johnny Carson used to let the band play every now and then, but I guess those days are gone. Audiences are too fickle these days, and if you start indulging the band and let actual musical talent go out over the airwaves, then people are going to start reaching for those remotes. Ah well, there's no business like show business.

One last thing before I go. It's pretty obvious I don't have anything to talk about tonight, but I thought as long as we're talking about guitars I might as well mention this. Sid McGinnis is one of the guitarists on Letterman and he plays a Strat. At least I think so. Either it's a Strat or some kind of clone. Sounds like a Strat though. Felicia Collins is the other guitarist on the Letterman and she plays all different kinds of guitars. Mostly Gibsons, though, as far as I can tell. I've seen her play a Les Paul and a SG, and sometimes she's got a Strat and who knows what else. Might even have an Ibanez around somewhere when she's ready to do some heavy shredding. Kevin Eubanks is the guitarist for the Tonight Show and he plays a custom guitar. Looks like a hollowbody or a semi, I can't tell. It's got a big, fat sound though. Eubanks also has a doctorate in music. Go figure, huh? Makes you wonder why they can't get decent bands for that show.









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The Poor is Hated Even of his Own Neighbor

The thing about moving is that it really disrupts your routine. First there's the hassle of loading all of your stuff and shipping it off to a new location, then there's the hassle of unloading it and trying to fit it all into your new surroundings, and finally there's the hassle of readjusting your life to fit in with all the changes. Fact is, for the first few weeks after a move it always feels like I'm staying at a hotel or something - like I'm just here temporarily until I can get back to my real home.

Anyways, the move is done so I figure it's time for me to start blogging again. I don't know why, but that's what I figure. Let's see, what can I talk about.

Well, of course the new immigration bill is all over the news these days. Personally, I want to congratulate the Congress for finally taking on this enormous problem and trying to find some kind of reasonable path to citizenship for all those Phd's and software engineers standing out in front of our local Home Depots. Now America can rest a little easier knowing that our immigrants have the proper job and educational skills they'll need when mowing our lawns or picking our strawberries.

Is it a good bill? Before I go any further let me just relate this little anecdote. Back when I was in the first grade we had a kid in our class who came from Mexico and didn't speak English too well. The only things I remember about him were that he used to wear the same clothes to school every day, and he wasn't in our class anymore when we started the second grade. But even back then, though I was only six years old, I knew what Congress is only now realizing. I knew that he, this skinny little kid with the simple clothes and the heavy accent, yes he was the great problem confronting our country. Who knows how rich and powerful I could have been if it hadn't been for the burden that kid imposed on me. Yes, even at that tender young age I realized that the great obstacle before me in my great struggle was...

Those People.

Let us give thanks that Congress has finally seen the light. Let's face it, all these illegals do is come here and sponge off of hard-working taxpayers like you and me. Right? Take, take, take, that's all they do and give back nothing in return. Right?

It's too bad that Latinos don't participate more in the elections. I mean, they're numbers are going up, but as they approach 25% of the population they still only account for around 8% of the voter turnout (please don't check my facts - they're mostly accurate, I think. Hey, I'm a blogger not the U.S. Census). Whatever the numbers are, it seems that if the Latino participation in the elections were commensurate with their participation in the overall economy, then these balding white guys from Georgia and Oklahoma wouldn't be so quick to insult them. I mean, they talk about 'em like they're some kind of criminal class or something.

As you know I'm a native Californian so this whole immigration debate seems a little pointless to me. The whole cross-border thing has been a part of California for my entire life, and I honestly have to say I've never felt threatened by it. Let's just say I'm kind of multicultural that way, and if anyone in Washington DC thinks that some convoluted point system is going to change the dynamics of what's happening down at the Home Depot, then they're sadly mistaken. People will do what they have to do to survive, and the best this Congress can hope to achieve is to drive immigrant workers further underground.

My suggestion to Congress - I mean if they really want to deal with what's wrong with America, would be to take a good, hard look in the mirror. Now, there's an idea. Maybe instead of walling off the border, Congress should build a gigantic fence around Washington instead. Yeah, give the people some relief from these money-grubbing politicians, and then maybe we can get on with solving real problems.

And you know what, if someone wants to come up here to pick strawberries, then why don't we just figure out a legal way for them to do it.

There, how was that for a blog post. I'm a little rusty, but, yeah...I'm feelin' it.

Dubya's Last Stand

"Hi George. Damn, you look awful."

"I've gotta go to Germany. They all hate me you know."

"Who does?"

"All them Europeans. They all think I'm some kind of Yahoo or cowboy or something."

"It's the war, George. I told you that was gonna be trouble."

"You did?"

"Yeah, don't you remember. I told you it was going to be our Northern Ireland, only, it turns, I was being way too optimistic."

"Now the country wants to bail out on me. Instead of sticking it out, they want to turn tail and run. Thank God you're still on my side. At least you don't think we should surrender to these sons of ..."

"Well, actually..."

"Actually? What do you mean? Don't tell me..."

"Look, George. There are some really savage, murderous, people in the world. People who don't think twice about strapping a bomb on someone, yelling 'God is great', and sending them into a crowded market to kill helpless men, women and children. People who would cut your throat just for the thrill of it and the chance to be on national tv. People who rule by terrorizing the innocent. I hate to see the U.S. back down from people like that and let brutality win the day. But facts are facts - we're not making any progress. The enemy seems to grow stronger while we seem to bleed a little more each day. All I'm saying is maybe it's time to rethink our strategy."

"No. We can't surrender. We can't let the world think the U.S. is nothing more than a paper tiger. If we do, we just invite more attacks and more terror. We have to stick it out."

"I didn't say surrender, George. Sticking it out is one thing, but we're not getting anywhere. You know I'm all for making a stand and not yielding to ruthlessness and cruelty, but this war of ours is starting to look less like a brave stand and more like Pickett's charge. At some point we've got to regroup and rethink our options. Instead of calling it surrender, maybe you should think about whether or not Iraq is the right place to fight these guys in the first place."

"If we leave Iraq, then that's it. The democrats will never authorize another deployment. We'll have been defeated, and all those soldiers will have died in vain."

"How do you know? Losing the battle doesn't mean the war is lost. C'mon George, let's be realistic. Iraq is like a dream come true for these terrorists. They have cover, freedom of movement and a seemingly inexhaustible supply of arms and equipment. Meanwhile, we're the the big, foreign superpower, and, for crying out loud, we can't even keep the lights on and the water running. That's not the way to fight these guys, George. Face it, a big show of force is just a bigger target to attack, and the terrorists have all the time in the world to hit us and then disappear into the desert. It's futile."

"But we're there and we can't just walk away. Not without finishing the job."

"Yeah, we've go to finish the job, but not there. Not when all we're doing is squandering ourselves. Maybe it's time to find a new strategy, only this time we take what we've learned and get smart about it. You know, as this radical Islamist movement gets stronger and we continue to beat our heads against the wall, there is a possibility that we could lose this fight. We seem to be taking it for granted that we could swat Al-Qaeda like a fly if we so choose, and yet what kind of victories have we won? Where's our track record? For all the heated rhetoric after 9/11, what lessons have we taught them about invading our country and attacking our citizens? Yeah, I know that the democrats think that if we just ignore the problem it will go away, but we've got to be more responsible than that. We've got to figure out a winning strategy and put the terrorists on the defensive, and we're not going to do that by spilling our blood all over the Iraqi desert."

"It's too late for that now. If we don't beat them in Iraq then it's over. We've got to stay the course. We've got to beat them there. Whatever it takes."

"But General Lee, I have no division. "

The Wayward Wind, is a Restless Wind

No I didn't die or anything like that. I've been moving, and believe me - after two weeks of packing and schlepping, the eternal peace of the grave is looking better all the time. Whatever fate may await me in the hereafter, be it heaven or hell, I just hope there's no furniture or heavy lifting involved.

Anyways, I guess there just hasn't been enough boxing and unboxing and loading and unloading arranging and unarranging and phone calling and paper signing and fee paying in my life to keep me busy, so I thought I'd take a moment here tonight to return to my grievously neglected blog. I suppose I should apologize for that, that being the modern nature of things and all. Isn't it funny how there's really no right and wrong anymore. As long as you say you're sorry, you can pretty much do whatever you want. You know -

"I want to apologize for having those drugs in my luggage. It showed bad judgment on my part, and I should have checked with the local authorities before I attempted to smuggle drugs into the country. It was just a simple misunderstanding and a boneheaded move on my part. I'm truly sorry for any trouble I may have caused. I also want to apologize for calling the women's athletic team a bunch of monkey-faced goonie birds. I meant no offense by the comment, but I can see how such a statement might be taken the wrong way. Believe me, no one respects our women athletes more than I. I hope you will accept these humble apologies, and it is my hope that by blaming myself, you, the paying public, will find me blameless. After all, I'm only human."

So, like I said, sorry for not posting to my blogs. I'll try to do better. In the meantime, I've got these new digs. Yes, here I sit among the oaks and the pine trees, looking out my window, and what a lovely view I have of

A parking garage.

Actually, it's not that bad. I mean, as far as parking garages go it's a pretty unobtrusive looking thing, and it's nicely landscaped as well. All-in-all I'm pretty happy with my new surroundings. Sure, I need some furniture, but that can wait until the house is sold. Meanwhile, it's very quiet, and that's the big reason I chose to settle here. Aaahhh, peace and quiet, a self-cleaning oven, and cheap DSL. What more does a stodgy old bachelor need. I'd tell you where I moved to but there are a lot of weirdos on the internet, you know, so I'll just leave that a mystery.

Anything else happening? Hmmm, not really. Moving has pretty much taken all of my free time. I do have a CD to recommend though. I got it about a month ago and the more I play it the more I want to hear. It's called "Recital" and it's a collection of pieces for violin and piano played by Victoria Mullova on violin and Katia LaBecque on piano. It has Stravinsky's Suite Italienne, Schubert's Fantasie, Ravel's violin sonata, and a piece by Clara Schumann. I once heard someone call Mullova's playing "austere", but you'd never know if from this CD. She plays with a lot of what I'd call "disciplined soulfulness", and Katia LaBecque's restless piano meshes perfectly with Mullova . My favorite on this disc is the Schubert Fantasie - a piece I've never really loved, but Mullova and LaBecque navigate a beautiful line and really bring this composition to life. Add to that an excellent reading of Ravel's violin sonata and the familiar strains of Stravinsky's Suite Italienne, and you've got a 5 star disc if there ever was one. Deep, thoughtful, and very entertaining. Like I said, it's been in heavy rotation on my MP3 player for over a month now, and I like it more each time I listen to it.

And that's all for now. Look for more frequent postings in the coming weeks and months when, hopefully, I'll have something more to say. And, if not, well I'm really sorry. It's just bad judgment on my part.

Follow The Bouncing Ball

You'd think having a freeway burn down would be the major story in most metropolitan areas, but here in the Bay Area it's taken a backseat to the most amazing event of the past decade and a half. Not that a melting freeway isn't big news, but let's face it, all that really means is another monumental Bay Area traffic jam, and, after all, how newsworthy is that (not very). On the other hand, no one in the Bay Area can quite believe

The Warriors are in the playoffs.

Now let me make it clear that I'm not a diehard Warriors fan. I'm strictly a "fairweather" fan, and if you've seen the Warriors play over the past 13 seasons or so, then I'm sure you'd understand. Watching the same train wreck every night gets a little monotonous after a while.

That said, however, I hope you'll excuse the short post tonight because Game 6 with the Mav's is tonight and you couldn't pry me away from the T.V. if you tried. It never should have gotten to a Game 6, of course, but that's another story, and the mere possiblity that the 8th seeded Warriors could knock off perhaps the best team in the NBA has got the entire Bay Area buzzing. Believe me, around here burning freeways and Barry Bonds have definitely taken a backseat to the Warriors and their David vs. Goliath struggle.

Dee-fense, (stomp), (stomp), Dee-fense, (stomp), (stomp)...

Before I go I do have one more thing I want to mention. I finally got my hands on the new Julia Fischer CD. Yep, this is the one you've been hearing about - the people camping out in front of record stores, the unscrupulous opportunists selling their copies on EBay for 100 times the retail price, the young punks hanging out in parking lots and beating up people and taking their copy. I placed my order at Amazon.com last March, and watched April came and go and then May roll around, and still nothing in my mailbox.

So I finally got tired of waiting and beat up a couple of 12 year olds and took their copy. (No, no, no, I'm just kidding. Your typical 12 year old would probably kick my ass)

Anyways, I'm not going to even attempt to pass judgement on who is the best violinist out there today (although I have my opinion), and I'm not going to attempt to review the CD after just 3 listens either. Instead, I'm going to recommend that you go buy yourself a copy of Fischer's new Brahms CD and then settle back and listen to one the most sublimely beautiful sounds in all of nature. Don't over-analyze, don't compare - just listen to the way the music comes off her strings. If I had to pick one cliché to describe Fischer, it would be magic.

Julia Fischer has the magic.

Now, if you'll excuse me, they're getting ready to tip off.

What d'ya mean blocking? He had position. He had position. That was a charge. Stinking ref...

The Dogs Have Their Day

As far as numbers go it's not a very interesting one. It's not the square of anything, or the cube either for that matter. It's not some kind of mystical ratio, or fibonaccian in any way. It's just one of those nice, round numbers that come up every now and then and just seem to tickle the senses and delight the mind. All you have to do is look at it, and think about it, and let it rattle around your brain for a while.

DOW 13,000.

Ahhhh, that's a nice number, and it's a nice, solid 13,000 too. Not some kind of 13,000 bubble, but a 13,000 with some real reasons behind it. The economy is growing, companies are earning money, and the DJIA is going higher. How's that for in-depth analysis.

Let me say this, though. Isn't it nice, every now and then, to be proved right. I'm talking now to all of you foolish investors out there who've suffered through the great collapses of the past and have had to endure the doubts of the more cautious souls around you. Today is your day, and I think it's important when a milestone like this is achieved to surf over to your online brokerage website, get your account summary on the screen, sit back, relax, and then let out a nice big grin of satisfaction. Why not, you earned it. Scan those big black numbers (at least I hope yours are black) and take some time to enjoy the moment.

Are you enjoying it? Good, and don't worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, or what you should do, or what you could have done better. Just forget all that, and give yourself a nice pat on the back because you did it. You decided to take some of your hard-earned money and invest at least a portion of it in the American economy, and, like it has so many times in the past, the great American economic engine has came through again, proving that this economy which is the envy of the entire world, just might have a future after all. So savor the good times, dear investor, at least for now.

Sure, there will be some profit-taking down the road, and we'll have the usual ups and downs, but if you're an investor and can't take delight in a day like today, then I don't know what to say. Why are you even in the market if you can't kick up your heels every now and then and shout out a little whoopee!

Oh well, enough of that. Just remember that there are people out there who hate people like you. Congressmen and Senators who find the very idea of investing in America's future to be odious and selfish, and when they see your risk-taking rewarded they gnash their teeth and strain at their leashes for a chance to tax some of your ill-gotten gains. Save? Invest? Why, that's the most unamerican thing they've ever heard of.

So just keep that in mind when the next election comes around. There'll be plenty of folks wanting to repeal the dividend and capital gains tax cuts, and they're gonna be asking for your vote. You done good today, but you best steer clear of them kind of folks. You tell 'em no thanks, you hear. You tell 'em that investing in America's future don't make us the enemy, and you tell 'em if instead of fattening their own wallets they was to invest a little more themselves, then maybe they'd understand that it weren't nothing to be ashamed of.

In Cupertino, Under the Apple Tree

What got Bernie Ebbers and Ken Lay into so much trouble wasn't that they cooked the books, but rather that they let the stock price go down. At least that's the way it looks from Silicon Valley where the big news is the statement by ex-Apple CFO Fred Anderson that Steve Jobs approved the backdating of stock options at the company. So what does this mean?

Apparently nothing, because as every Apple shareholder knows, if Steve Jobs falls, Apple falls, and what's a little shareholder fraud compared to a PE over 38? So what if Jobs skimmed a little shareholder equity to pass out to his buddies in the executive suite, just look at how the company's doing. The executives won and the shareholders won, and as long as nobody got hurt then who cares.

We call this sort of rationalization "moral relativism". As opposed to "moral absolutism" that holds that good is good and evil is evil, the relativist asks how does this transgression rate against other more heinous sins, and the answer, of course, is that as long as everyone's making money then it's a pretty minor offense. If the stock were plunging then things would be different. In that case the shareholder's wouldn't be satisfied until they saw Jobs tarred and feathered and led off to jail in handcuffs.

But Apple is doing just fine, and as it stands now the odds are pretty slim that any further action will be taken against either Jobs or the company. I'm not a shareholder myself, so I don't have much of a position one way or the other, except that I think it just goes to show one thing: When a poor person steals it's called crime, and when a rich person steals it's called cunning. I'm not sure whether that makes me a moral absolutist or not, or just another jaded, disillusioned, 21st century cynic.

Where the apple reddens, never pry - lest we lose our Edens, Eve and I.

Song of Myself

Like I was saying, I've been playing around with this demo of a program called "Band-in-a-Box". It's not a new program - in fact, the interface looks like it's circa DOS 3.3, but it's not about the graphics. What BiaB does is play accompaniments on your computer. You input the chords you want it to play, and it plays them back for you. You can also add melodies (more on that later) and change styles, etc... You can either play your BiaB songs through the computer speakers, or better yet, pipe them into the line-in jack on your instrument amplifier and start jamming away. Pretty cool.

(Oooh, wait. I've got the news on right now and there's a psychologist talking about the events of this past week. I want to hear this. Be back in a minute.)

"Based on your experience, what can cause a person to commit these violent acts, Dr. Greene.?"

"Well, often these problems go back to a person's childhood. Many such violent acts are a result of abuse suffered as a child, perhaps by a parent or relative or priest, for example. The person can feel victimized and powerless and look for some means of striking back."

"Do you think this student was abused as a child."

"Well, it's a strong possibility. My concern is what was the parent's role in all this. We often find serious problems arising from neglectful and abusive parents. If that's the case, then this young man would have been like a bomb just waiting to explode."

"I see, and what sort of warning signs should we look for if we suspect a child may have been abused as a child."

"Well, often times such children become rebellious and withdrawn."

"Is that what your examination showed?"

"No, I never actually examined the young man. I'm just offering an opinion."

"Oh, then what is your opinion based upon?"

"Well, you see I'm a media psychologist. You know, a TV psychologist. When these tragedies occur people like you call me up and I appear on their shows to offer my expertlike opinion."

"So you've never actually talked to any of the people involved in this tragedy?"

"No, not actually, but I read about it in USA Today."

"I see. What should we as parents and teachers do in response to what has taken place?"

"Well if you see a young person moping around or talking back to an authority figure, then you should see that as a danger signal. I'd suggest talking to the individual or taking him or her to a health professional to be evaluated and medicated."

"Good, practical advise, but as I understand it, this guy wasn't just moping around. He was stalking young women and was obsessed with violence and killing."

"Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Well I'd definitely consider that a further warning sign."

"Thank you for talking with us."

"My pleasure."

(Sheesh. Sometimes those TV psychologists scare me)

Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, "Band-in-a-Box". One of the strangest features of the program is that you can type in a chord progression and then tell BiaB to generate a melody for it. Just like that! You can't do it with the demo, but I was watching a little tutorial video they have and it works. You give it some chords, and it comes up with a unique melody for it, which can only lead me to one conclusion:

We're all doomed.

Think about it. Music has become so mechanized and pre-programmed, that it's now possible for a machine to apply a little logic and come up with a pop tune or a country tune or even a jazz tune without any need for human intervention. Man, that's depressing, and maybe that's one of the reasons that I'm so drawn to classical music and opera. I mean, you can give BiaB some chords and have it come up with a hillbilly tune, but you can't just give it a bunch of chords and have it come up with Beethoven's 9th.

Not yet anyways.

(Oooh wait. Now they've got a security expert on. I want to hear what he has to say).

"What can we do to keep our schools safe?"

"Well, of course no environment can ever be 100% safe. However there are some steps that can be taken to minimize the risk that someone can penetrate a secure area and commit acts such as we've seen in Virginia."

"What would those steps be?"

"Well, I've been looking at a map of the campus and what I'd recommend are machine gun emplacements here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. These would create a kill zone that could cover all the major entrances to the main campus area. Of course perimeter fencing would need to be erected to restrict movement to these pressure points. No more than a dozen K-9 units would be needed to effectively patrol the perimeter area, and metal detectors and bomb sniffing dogs would be used to inspect everyone entering the secure area. Mines could be placed around the outside of the perimeter fencing to keep anyone from straying to close. I would also recommend snipers placed here, here, here and here for early detection of any possible threats."

"Machine gun emplacements? Is that what our society has come to? Do we now need armed troops to keep our schools safe?"

"It's a balancing act. Some people may see .50 caliber machine guns as a menacing presence on their campuses, but if we're serious about safety then we have to take appropriate measures."

"And if people don't want their schools turned into armed camps?"

"You've seen the pictures on TV. The world's a dangerous place."

"Thank you for talking with us."

(Sheesh. Sometimes those security experts scare me).

So like I said, classical music may be the last bastion of humanity left in the humanities. Computer generated this and computer generated that, but you can't computer generate a Wagner or a Shostakovich. Band-in-a-Box is a handy little tool, but it can't replace the complexity and beauty of the human soul. Call me elitist, but I like complexity, especially in the arts. All this push button simplicity and ease of use is boring and a little alienating at times. Where's the humanity?

(Oooh wait, now they've got a media critic on the news. I want to hear this).

"Does the media have a role to play in these tragic events?"

"No, not really. They've got a script, but not a role."

"I don't follow."

"First they bring you the newsflash, then they show you the pictures, then they start filling in the story, then they confirm the numbers, then they bring on the analysts and experts. It's not a role - just a process, like getting a haircut or washing your car."

"But by making celebrities out of disturbed and violently anti-social individuals, doesn't the media contribute to the problem?"

"No. Look, most of us are thousands of miles away and don't know the people involved, but we want to feel involved. That's what the media provides. By doing things the way they do and by having these discussions on our TV screens, they make us feel personally connected to these tragic events. We want that. It's a basic human need, sort of like sitting around the table and talking about Aunt Clara's hip operation. Even if we aren't that close to Aunt Clara, she's family, and because of the media these people on TV are family. That couldn't happen without the media process."

"Even though the event itself is truly horrible."

"Especially if it's horrible. Trouble always brings the family closer together."

"How about bloggers. Is it in bad taste for a blogger to talk about an event such as this so soon after it's happened. Are people right to feel offended to see such a thing discussed in a blog?"

"Perhaps, but not if the blogger is being honest about his reaction."

"Well, my reaction was more of shock than surprise, to tell you the truth. I mean, I'm shocked at what happened, but not really surprised."

"That's a horrible thing to say. Would you say that about Aunt Clara?"

"No, I guess not."

"Okay, then."

(Sheesh. This blog scares me sometimes).

Now Everything Is Easy 'Cause of You

You know I can be broken down by the side of the road, with my hood raised and my flashers blinking, being held at gunpoint by two armed gunmen, in broad daylight, and do you think a CHP officer would ever pull over to see if I needed any help? Hell no. They just drive on by. So why is it that today I'm driving down the freeway and this cute little blond in a rather shapely pair of blue jeans is broken down by the side of the road, and not one, but two CHP cars pull over to the side of the road to give her a hand. Explain that.

You don't believe me? It's true. I saw it happen. These two patrol cars were riding along in the fast lane, one behind the other, when they saw this young woman broken down on the right shoulder and immediately hit their brakes and crossed four lanes of traffic just to render her some assistance. Hey, you know, I pay taxes too. Would they have stopped for me?

Yeah right.

Today's news item comes courtesy of the San Jose Mercury News. If you've been reading this blog for a while (and don't lie because I know you haven't), then you'll remember that on more than one occasion I've predicted that all the creative financing people were using to buy and refinance their homes was going to come back to bite them someday. This was back before "subprime" was in the news, and I also predicted that when these loans started to go bad it was going to be up to the taxpayers to bail these homeowners out.

Well, guess what. Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY), a walking, living, and breathing cliché of a political opportunist if I ever saw one, is proposing a federal bailout of hundreds of millions of dollars for these distressed homeowners. Well, if you've been reading this blog then it's no surprise to you, and my next prediction is that this thing is going to sail on through without even a second thought.

But why?

It's because the picture we're going to see on TV is going to be an elderly retiree lady about to lose her home after some fast-talking loan broker talked her into a mortgage he knew she couldn't afford. Fine. I agree, something ought to be done to help her out, and I also think the loan broker involved should be prosecuted for elder abuse. Anyone who would sell an adjustable rate loan to a retiree on a fixed income is a snake in my book. But let me ask you, is this the typical case?

It may well be. I don't know myself, but the typical case might also be the real estate speculator looking to flip properties, who didn't much care what type of mortgage he got since he was just going to turn around and sell the house six months later for an obscene profit. Should we be bailing that guy out? No way dude. You roll the dice and you take your chances - that's the way I look at it.

Of course there are probably a lot of naive first time hombuyers getting into trouble too, and I'm sure they could use some help. However, as cold as it may sound, I'm not so sure we should be bailing them out either. You know there just may be a valuable lesson in all this. Namely, when you're negotiating for a house or a car or anything else for that matter, the person sitting on the other side of the desk may not necessarily have your best interests in mind. Just because someone qualifies you for a loan, that doesn't mean you can afford it. Hell, I must get six or seven credit card offers in the mail each week, but that doesn't mean I can afford to go around with thousands of credit cards in my wallet. There's something to be said for being careful with your money, and as these first-time buyers go back and sample the rental market they may just want to keep that in mind.

As for the homeowners who got sucked into these loans when they went looking to trade up to a bigger box, well, sorry, but you can't tell me you didn't know the risk. C'mon, you've had to make a house payment before, and you had to know that one day you'd have to come up with the additional cash when these things adjusted. So why should we bail you out? Honestly, what did you expect?

So there you go. Without a doubt there's going to be some kind of massive federal program coming down the pike, but I wonder if all of you homeowners are going to be any wiser when the next mania comes along? I didn't think so. Not as long as someone else is there to pick up the bill.

And other than that all I can say is I could be sitting by the side of the road and my car could be on fire, with thick, black smoke drifting across the lanes, backing up traffic for miles and miles, and would a CHP officer come to help me out? Not unless I put on a wig and gave 'em a little wiggle.

I Love You California

Greetings from California, where the latest news is that we Californians are once again out of step with the rest of the nation. This time the issue is Immigration Reform, and wouldn't you know it, a recent Field Poll found that around 83% of Californians favor some kind of comprehensive immigration reform. That means a tighter border combined with some kind of guest worker program that will allow people from south of the border to come up here legally to work and pay taxes.

So while the rest of the country is trying to build walls and spread fear about the brown invasion coming up from the south, Californian's are having none of it, and are still willing to open their doors and welcome those who come to work and earn a living. The majority who feel this way is not small, either; it's over four to one. Kind of makes me proud to be a Californian and live in the middle of this multicultural mess.

Unfortunately, from what I hear the Guest Worker legislation doesn't have stand much of a chance of becoming law, so it's all moot. Once again California is way ahead of the curve. Other states may call themselves progressive, but we've been progressive even when progressive isn't cool.

There's another interesting little movement going on out here you might not have heard about. Seems local Assemblyman Ira Ruskin created quite a stir with a proposal to impose a penalty on the purchase of gas guzzling vehicles. The way it would work is that gas guzzlers would pay a penalty of up to $2,500, and that penalty would then be rebated right back to purchasers of fuel efficient vehicles.

Of course the auto dealerships are screaming bloody murder. They're calling it a new tax, but everyone knows that they're just worried about hurting sales of their SUV's and other luxury gas guzzlers, which coincidentally just happen to be the vehicles with the highest profit margins for the dealers.

Being the owner of a fuel efficient vehicle myself, I think it's a great idea, and if I were the auto dealers I wouldn't be too worried. With gas at well over $3.00 per gallon out here, anyone who has the financial wherewithal to buy a SUV isn't going to think twice about paying an extra $2,500 penalty. If you've got that kind of dough then $2,500 will be a drop in the bucket. On the other hand, a $2,500 rebate might make a big difference to a college student or young family, and might get them into the dealership to buy something new. Who knows, it could work both ways.

So there you have it. Sounds like a great idea to me. If mom is going to insist on using a monster truck to get her back and forth from the grocery store, then I say she ought to pay the rest of us for the inconvenience of having to maneuver around her. Don't you think that's fair?

Well, that's all I have time for tonight. It's time for me to practice, practice, practice. Actually, my right hand finally healed so I'm back to my piano lessons again. For a while there I thought I had some kind of RSI because my right hand was really giving me a lot of trouble, but 3 weeks off seems to have healed things.

You know what I like about the piano as opposed to the guitar? The piano is so easy. On a guitar you have to find a fret and press down on a string with one hand and then pluck it with other, and that's a lot of work. On a piano all you have to do is touch a key and out comes this beautiful sound. Compared to a guitar, it's almost effortless.

That's why pianists always looks so relaxed when they play. You ever notice that? They just sit there with their eyes closed and their heads swaying to the music as their fingers delicately dance over the keys. Guitarists, on the other hand, always look like their struggling. They're gritting their teeth and sweat is running down their foreheads and they've got these sort of constipated looks on their faces, and you can just tell that it takes a lot of work to get a good sound from a guitar. Pianists just let their finger fall on a key and they're done.

Come to think of it, pianists are really kind of overrated, aren't they.

No Time Left For You

I remember when I used to have time for blogging. When was that? It doesn't seem that long ago, but it must have been, because I don't have that kind of time anymore. Instead I seem to have that common disease of the internet age - so many things I'd like to do online and so little time to do them, with the dream of leaving the daily grind behind and just doing the things I'd really like to do.

Oh well, not in this lifetime.

I wish I knew how that Father Roderick guy does it. I don't know if you've ever listened to his podcasts, but the guy is unbelievable. His main podcast is called "The Daily Breakfast", but lately it's been more like "The Occasional Brunch" instead. It seems even Father Roderick is having trouble keeping up these days, which is no surprise because the guy is a priest with four parishes to run who also produces two or three podcasts, runs a podcasting network, plays videogames, and, judging from his podcast, still manages to watch about thirty hours of TV each day. It's amazing, and enough to make even the most jaded non-believer think that perhaps there's a divine force in the universe after all.

Anyways, I'm just a frail, mortal being, and it seems my life is getting away from me. Videogames? TV? Are you kidding? Where do people find the time to watch TV? I hear people talking about this or that show and I can't figure out how anybody can find a free moment to just sit in front of the tube. Father Roderick does, somehow, and what's funny is that I don't even know why I listen to his podcast. I mean I have nothing in common with the guy. He's catholic, watches TV all the time, and likes to get up bright and early on a cold morning to go for his daily jog. In comparison, I'm not catholic, rarely watch TV, and like to spend my cold mornings snoozing safe and warm beneath my blankets (thank you very much). I guess I listen because he's just so entertaining, regardless of what he's talking about.

But I didn't fire up my laptop just to talk about some podcast, so let's see what else is happening in the world. Actually, I've been spending a lot of time on my music so I'm a little behind the curve as far as current events go.

Let's see, oh yeah...Iran seized some British sailors, didn't they? Those Iranians, you gotta love 'em. Their solution is always to go out and take some hostages. Maybe I should try that. Tired of paying taxes? Go out and take some hostages. Sick of being stuck in traffic? Just take some hostages. Upset that Gina Glocksen got voted off of American Idol? Storm the studio and take some hostages. It's all so easy when you stop and think about it.

Anything else happening? Well, let's see. Over there in Washington it looks like Congress set a couple of deadlines for withdrawing the troops. Of course the Republicans are calling it a "quit" date, and the Democrats are bending over backwards and doing everything they can to avoid using the "Q" word. What are they calling it? Oh, that's right, they're calling it a "victory" for the American people. You see, it's not a defeat, it's a "victory", that's how we'll spin it. Either way I think most people are getting bored with this war and just want someone to change the channel.

Stay tuned folks.

Let's see, what else...I can't think of anything. Anyways, my 15 minutes of blogging time is all used up so I'll have to end this little post. Before I go, though, I should probably post some sexy pictures. No, not those kind of pictures (I'm getting too old for that stuff). I'm thinking more along the lines of rosewood and pearl. You see I've been looking at my old Takemine F260 and it's seeming pretty simple and unseasoned. What I need is something with a little more maturity and polish, you know. So what do you think? The Collings on the left, or the Martin on the right? The Collings would set me back about 4 grand, and the Martin about 7 grand.

Hmmm, come to think of it my Takemine is lookng better all the time.

Hello America, This...is London

I've got another blog called Fiddlenews, and unlike this blog it appears that Fiddlenews actually has an audience. At least I think so because today I got a real life, bona fide press release from someone representing a major classical recording star (and I do mean Major). You know what that means America, don't you? Yep, that's right. Dead Cat is now an official journalist.

Whoopee!

I couldn't believe it when I opened my inbox tonight. Geez, someone thought Fiddlenews was important enough to merit an actual press release. I couldn't believe it, and let me just say to my fellow journalist's - the Jim Lehrer's and William Safire's (can I call you Bill) and Maria Bartiromo's of the world - let me just say that I take my journalistic responsibilities seriously and am proud to call you my colleagues. I do have one question though. Can we still wear our press passes in our hatbands or is that considered passé?

Anyways, it's an awesome responsibility that's been placed on my shoulders, and I just want to remind all the musical artists out there that I'm with the press now, and I can make you or break you. Keep that in mind.

No, I'm just kidding. The next step is the book deal, I guess. That'll be cool. Probably have to do a book tour and appear on some of the talk shows and things like that. Hey, maybe I'll be on Fresh Air. Wow, that would really be cool.

TG: Tony Myers, welcome. Why did you decide to start Fiddlenews?

TM: Well Terry, it was a story that needed to be told. More than that, though, I just felt it was important to show the world that one blog can make a difference. That's been my mission and it's all there in the book. The corruption, the greed, the incompetence, the double-dealing, the cruel ambition, the abuse of the public trust, the behind-the-scenes scandals that have rocked the classical music world. I don't hold anything back.

TG: Don't you fear for your life? It must be very dangerous to be doing what you're doing.

TM: My life is unimportant, Terry. What matters is the truth. The people deserve that, and I don't really stop to consider the risk. I'm a professional.

TG: May I just say that I admire your courage and am humbled by your honesty and dedication.

TM: Thank you, but I don't do this for the laurels or the accolades. I do it for the people.

TG: Well, Tony Myers it's such an honor for me to talk to you today.

TM: Thanks for having me.

And that's the way it is. Look for more postings over at Fiddlenews, and until next time Good Night, and Good Luck.

Become a Celebrity in the Comfort of Your Own Home

Did you bum rush the charts? I was going to, but I forgot. The idea was that last Thursday everybody who supports podsafe music was supposed to buy this certain song off of Itunes so that it would move up the charts and prove the power of podcasting. I don't if it proved anything, but it did get the song into the top 100.

Like I said, I was going to do my part, but it slipped my mind. Sorry about that. Anyways, at this point in time I don't know if podcasting or podsafe musicians have anything left to prove. Podcasting has established itself as a viable alternative to traditional radio, and music sites like Garageband.com and Podshow have proven that they can help independent artists find their audience. Of course there's still plenty of room to grow, but the model is working, albeit on a small scale.

"Bum rush the charts", however successful or unsuccessful it may have turned out to be, did point out a couple of things. First, the hegemony of the traditional music industries over the music market is gone. Declining CD sales show that, if nothing else, and if you consider all the choices we consumers now have in the music marketplace it's clear that there's nowhere for the old business models to go but down.

Just think of it. We can still buy CD's and listen to over-the-air radio as we've done in the past, but we can also stream internet radio, or subscribe to services like Napster or Rhapsody, or listen to satellite radio, or download podcasts, or purchase digital downloads from online stores like Itunes, or download from various BitTorrent sites, or download from social networking sites, or download podsafe music from independent artist sites, or just trade songs with our friends. There's no need to listen to traditional radio or buy CD's from the record store anymore, and now whole new generations are coming along who think it's kind of weird to actually pay for music. That can't be work very well for the old business models either.

Which is just to say that podsafe or non-podsafe, indie or big label - it doesn't make any difference to me. The consumer is holding all the cards now, and that's just fine as far as I'm concerned. If I was a working musician I might be a little confused, though. Used to be that you got discovered and signed a big record company contract, and they made you a big star, and if you were a big enough star you might even make some coin out of the whole deal. Now that's all changed, and a musician's gonna need to be a little more creative to make it in this environment. Ah well, so be it.

On the other hand, what scares me a little about "Bum rush the charts" is the kind of power that Apple now has over the music market. I mean, they don't have a monopoly or anything even close, but as CD's sales continue to decline and digital downloads continue to increase, their power just grows and grows. That will make it a little easier for the record labels, I suppose. When Apple finally does own the entire music franchise then the labels won't have to travel the country dishing out payola and greasing the palms of every program director between Miami and Seattle anymore. They'll just have to grease the palm of the guy who runs Itunes, whoever that may turn out to be. Now that will be a position of power. Just imagine having the final say over what artists make the front page of Itunes - you could write your own ticket. Hmmm, I wonder where you send your resume?

Anyways, I'm slowly coming to the opinion that with the arrival of the digital age we don't need to buy music anymore. Why should we when we have all these tools to make our own music with? I've been surfing a lot of musician sites lately, and I know I've said this before but it's true: there's never been a better time to learn music or at least learn a musical instrument than right now. It's incredible what you can buy these days for very little money.

You want to put together your own recording studio? You can do it. Everything you need is out there and available - from mixer/recorders to audio interfaces to preamps to microphones to acoustic tiling to studio monitors to...well, doodads that I don't even know what they do. Guitars, synthesizers, drum machines, modeling amps (with built-in DSP's), pedal effects, software...it just goes on and on and on. So what I say is "who needs to buy music, just make your own." Check out a magazine like Electronic Musician or Recording if you don't believe me. I read both of them, and I didn't understand what the hell they were talking about.

But it was fascinating.

I'd like to put together a little recording studio myself. Nothing fancy or expensive, but just something to fool around with. As you know I've been trying to get back into music, and I'm pleased to say that my guitar muscle-memory is starting to come back. I still can't remember any songs, but with what I'm learning I think I should be able to pick up the songs again pretty easy. In fact I need to go practice now, but I'll just mention a couple of sites before I go.

The first is Break Down Way. If you're old enough to remember The Jefferson Airplane then you probably remember a guy named Jorma Kaukonen. Turns out that he's still around and teaching a little guitar on the side, and if you go to this site and pay the $19/mo subscription fee you can get some online lessons from him. They're not really lessons but he does show you how to play a few tunes. Probably not for the beginner, but if you're interested in fingerpicking it might be a site you want to check out.

The second is Guitarschool.net, a site run by Guitar Center stores. I don't know if it's the best online guitar tutor out there (probably not), but it's free and they do show you some licks. It's good for the beginning guitarist as well.

Anyways, time to get back to my scales.

Congress Goes On The Record

Dr. Samuel Johnson once famously said that "there is nothing so hopeless as a scheme of merriment", but then Dr. Johnson never heard of the 110th Congress of the United States of America. In yet another symbolic gesture by a Congress which is quickly establishing its reputation as the king of symbolic gestures, an political maneuver called the war funding resolution was passed last week along mostly partisan lines. I'm sure you heard the news but I just thought I'd mention it in case you missed it.

The centerpiece of the resolution, of course, is the requirement that all U.S. troops be withdrawn from Iraq by September 2008, a date conveniently close to the next election (a coincidence, I'm sure). Oops, I should apologize for that parenthetical remark. I'm sure this resolution, despite the fact that it narrowly passed the House and has little chance of passing in the Senate and absolutely no chance of overriding a presidential veto, has nothing whatsoever to do with the next election. I'm sure it is not intended to put the Democratic Party on the record as being against the war or to provide a platform from which they can attack the Republicans in the '08 campaign, which, believe it or not has started already (here's hoping that the next round of presidential candidates waits at least until the next president is sworn in before launching their 2012 campaigns).

Ok, I'm kidding. It's a purely partisan political resolution. Why else would the House waste the people's time and money passing a bill that has no chance of being enacted. Because they actually think that announcing a ending date for the war is a good idea? I wouldn't be surprised if Nancy Pelosi is already rehearsing her convention speech.

That said, the resolution does put the Democrats in a very awkward position, doesn't it? I mean if at some level the Dems have to be hoping that the slaughter in Iraq or else they're going to look mighty foolish come election time.

Can you imagine? If some actual semblance of peace is restored to Baghdad and we do manage to get the electricity turned on and the water running and at least a faint pulse of commerce and employment pumping through its veins, then the Democrats are going to look downright peevish for wanting to bail out in March of '07. Of course as things stand now that doesn't seem likely, but who knows? Let's just hope for the Dems sake that radicalism spreads and thousands more Iraqi's die before the next election. Well, not really, but let's face it, after taking this position the only good news for the Democrats is going to be more bad news from Iraq.

Getting back to the real world and the real issues at hand, though, wasn't that an interesting idea that King Abdullah II of Jordan raised last month. In case you weren't paying attention, he suggested that perhaps one of the answers for all of this instability in the Middle East would be to resolve the Israel-Palestinian conflict. He seemed to think that finding some settlement to that decades old conflict could relieve a lot of the tension that's been festering in the Arab world, and maybe help combat the rise of radicalism in the region.

Well the nerve of that guy. Coming here to the United States and trying to tell us how to manage our relations with the Arab world. Luckily the Congress didn't pay him no mind. Nope. They just sat down with their political consultants and, after reviewing the poll numbers, decided that peace in the Middle East wasn't going to resonate with the voters in the '08 campaign, so they quickly scrapped that idea and went back to work on their resolution.

Then again, what that Abdullah fella was saying did make some sense. After all, these Al-Qaeda folks ain't like your conventional type armies. As one person said, they're more like the internet. That is, they're distributed, and there's no central place where you can strike and deal a death blow. It's just a bunch of independent cells, and if you kill one then the other cells still go on and grow even more cells.

Seems to me that the best way to fight something like that is to starve them out - you know, deny them the recruits they need to grow. I mean, how many people are there in the world who are willing to tie a bomb around their bellies and go blow themselves up. I bet there's a limited pool, and since radicalism thrives in a climate of poverty and anger then a peaceful and economically viable Palestinian state might not be such a bad thing, especially if the prosperity managed to spread itself throughout the Middle East. Well, it ain't gonna happen in a day and it ain't gonna happen by the next election, so for America, at least, that whole idea is a nonstarter.

The only thing that matters now is that we make Bush pay for this war. After all, it's all his fault. It's his war and we had nothing to do with it. Why we were out there in our yards pruning the roses and we come back inside and find out he's got us in this war - out of the blue, just like that. Caught us completely by surprise. So now we've got to get Bush and pay him back for hornswaggling us that-a-way. At least that's the politics of it, and until we get the politics right then nothing's going to get done.

Not by the 110th Congress that is.

Perspectives on Economics

"Hello, and welcome to Business Roundtable. My name is Tony Myers and my guests tonight are Harold Smith, chief economist at Fred, Wilma and Barney Associates, and Mary Ann Moore, chief investment strategist at Penny Bank and Trust. Harry, Mary Ann, thanks for stopping by and welcome to Business Roundtable."

"Nice to be hear"

"Always a pleasure, TM."

"Let's start with the news that's on everyone's mind these days - namely, the subprime mortgage crisis. There's a lot of worry on the street that if New Century Mortgage goes bankrupt it could cripple the entire global economy. What's your take on that? Harry, let's start with you."

"Well, what's happening in the subprime market is unprecedented. There's never been a crisis like it in the entire economic history of the civilized world. The idea that a bank could make bad loans and go out of business is simply unheard of, and I'm afraid that unless Congress intervenes we could be looking at mass unemployment, bread lines, and nuclear winter."

"Mary Ann, do you agree with Harry. Will this be a crisis of apocalyptic proportions?"

"It's revolutionary, TM, however I don't think it would be proper for Congress to intervene at this juncture. If New Century goes under we're advising our clients to secure their doors and windows, make sure they're well armed and well supplied with food and water, and not look to the government to provide security or assistance."

"Sound advice, but what does this mean for the housing market Harry?"

"Housing prices will go up. I mean, they may go down a little at first, but then they'll go up again. They always do."

"Do you also see a recovery in the housing market Mary Ann?"

"Of course. All that this subprime mortgage crisis has done is create a pent-up demand among buyers vainly hoping that houses will become affordable one day. As soon as they get tired of waiting they'll be off to the races again and housing prices will shoot through the roof. I've been around a long time, TM, and I've seen it happen over and over again."

"How about the mortgage lenders? Will they have the money to lend?"

"Are you kidding. If you've got a job and a pulse, there'll be someone there to lend you money (at the right interest rate, of course). Lenders are feeling a little chastened right now, but as soon as the next housing rush starts they'll be as careless with their money as ever."

"Turning away from the subprime mortgage crisis for a second, Fed chairman Ben Bernanke was at a MacDonalds today and was overheard asking for a condiment. What do you make of that? Mary Ann?"

"I believe the exact quote was 'I need more ketchup', TM. I tell you, I didn't overhear the complete conversation but I think the fact that he was low on ketchup and needed more has a lot of significance for the financial markets."

"Why is that?"

"I think it clearly signals that we'll see a rate hike - perhaps as soon as this summer."

"Harry, do you think the chairman was signaling a return to higher rates?"

"Well clearly he didn't say 'we need more ketchup' but rather 'I need more ketchup'. There's been a lot of talk about a rift within the Board of Governors, and by going out his own and saying that 'I need more ketchup' the chairman was at least raising the possibility that he was going to split the vote and make his own decision about interest rates. Whether that's up or down is pure speculation at this point."

"No I disagree..."

"Mary Ann you wanted to say something?"

"I disagree with Harry on this. Chairman Bernanke said I 'need' more ketchup, not I 'want' more ketchup. I think that is a signal to the markets that a rate hike is not an option at this point, but a necessity. I think it's safe to say that another 1/4 point rise is a done deal at this point."

"What about that Harry? He did say I 'need' more ketchup. Doesn't that imply that a rate hike is almost compulsory at this point?"

"We shouldn't forget that he was talking about ketchup here TM. My question would be 'what did he mean by ketchup?' Some, like Mary Ann are arguing that ketchup implies blood and suffering, but I think what Chairman Bernanke was really talking about was liquidity. Ketchup is, after all, a liquid, and by signaling that we need more of it I think he may in fact have been signaling a rate cut in the near future."

"A rate cut, Mary Ann?"

"Highly unlikely, DC. Inflation is still a concern, and I think by saying 'ketchup' what he was really talking about was adding some thickness and gooeyiness to the economy. I'd be looking for either a rate hike or at least another quarter or two of the status quo."

"Ok, we'll have to leave it at that. I want to thank my guests - Harold Smith, chief economist at Fred, Wilma and Barney Associates and Mary Ann Moore, chief investment strategist at Penny Bank and Trust. Thank you both for being here."

Here, There, and Everywhere

(It's been a while since Dead Cat sat down to talk with Google co-founder Sergey Brin. Since he lives in the area we thought it was time we caught up with him and find out what's cooking at everybody's favorite search engine company. Although he's worth an estimated 16 billion dollars, it's a little known secret that Sergey likes to lunch on 49 cent Jack-In-The-Box tacos. That's where we sat down with him for this interview.)

DC: Sergey, good to talk with you again.

SB: Thanks. Hey, they didn't give me any hot sauce.

DC: Want me to get some for you?

SB: No, it's not important.

DC: So, other than the taco, how are things going? Are Google's plans for world domination still on schedule?

SB: C'mon, you know we're just a search engine company. When you get to be a huge multinational company people tend to overreact, but underneath it all we're still just an internet company, and we certainly don't have any plans for world domination.

DC: On the level?

SB: I've got no further comment on that.

DC: Ok, how about this rumored "Google Phone" that we keep hearing about. Any truth to the rumors?

SB: As you know, Google is constantly researching new technologies and new opportunities for growth. We have been taking a look at the mobile phone market, but it's way too early to know if anything will come of it.

DC: Why the phone business?

SB: Well it's been estimated that there are roughly 2 billion mobile phone users around the world today. That's about 1/3 of the earth's total population. With those kind of numbers it's only natural that advertisers would want to tap into that market, and Google thinks that is going to be a significant market in the future.

DC: You mean ads on our cellphones?

SB: Yes. Traditional advertising to be sure, but we think that with more and more people using their phones for internet access, something unobtrusive like Google AdSense would be a nice fit.

DC: Google's going to put ads on my cellphone? I already pay out the wazoo for cellular service, and now Google wants me to pay to get ads too?

SB: Let me ask you this. How would you feel about a free phone, with no contract, in exchange for a few AdSense ads appearing on your phone? I think many people will find an offer like that very appealing.

DC: It sounds fascist to me. A little big-brotherish, if you know what I mean.

SB: Why would you say that?

DC: Because, it's my phone. I don't want to walk around with a little billboard in my pocket that's constantly messing with my head and trying to get me to buy stuff. A phone is supposed to be something you talk into, not something that's trying to sell you a big screen TV.

SB: I don't think the younger generation sees it that way. I think advertising and brand awareness are very important to them. Let me ask you something, have you ever seen a young person when he's not being advertised to? Have you ever seen them when they're not plugged into something? What happens. They get bored, that's what happened. They get sweaty and anxious without a constant stream of commercials coursing through their brains. That's why branding is so important. A young person today doesn't ask "who am I" or "where did I come from" or "what will I do with my life" - they ask "what's my brand identity?" That's their whole concept of being.

DC: You're mad, Sergey. You know that don't you?

SB: Ad supported is the wave of the future, Dead Cat, and Google is going to be a leader, not a follower.

DC: So what else are you guys working on besides the "Google Phone"?

SB: Well we do have one project that I'm particularly excited about but I'm afraid I can't discuss that now.

DC: Oh c'mon Sergey, you know that no one reads this blog. Believe me, your secret is safe here.

SB: You're sure no one reads this?

DC: Positive.

SB: Ok, try this on for size. How does "Google Dreams" grab you?

DC: "Google Dreams"? You don't mean...

SB: Exactly. Just think about it. We spend 1/3 of our lives sleeping. That's 1/3 of our lives that's been out of the reach of advertisers. At least, until now.

DC: No, no, no...Now wait a minute. Are you saying advertisers are going to put ads into our dreams?

SB: There's been some very exciting work in this field, and we think the technology is just about ready to roll out. What do you think of an AdSense ad that not only appears on your computer screen, but also embeds itself into your subconscious and waits there for you to fall asleep before re-emerging in your dreams?

DC: I don't think I'll ever want to fall asleep again.

SB: The money Google can make from selling AdWords would be enormous. How much do you think it would be worth for a brand like Folgers or Maxwell House to buy a word like "coffee" and insert it in your dreams, so that when you wake up in the morning the first thing you're thinking is "Mmmmm, I sure could go for a cup of Folgers." Or MacDonalds, maybe. They might like to buy "hungry" so that you'd wake up craving one of their breakfast combo meals. I tell you the potential is enormous.

DC: Or Pfizer could buy the words "Angelina Jolie" so that everytime you dream of her you'd get a Viagra ad.

SB: Exactly! Something like that.

DC: Google ads on my desktop, Google ads on my laptop, Google ads on my cellphone, and now Google ads in my dreams. My God, you guys really are planning to take over the world.

SB: We're just bringing new efficiencies to the market, that's all, and the internet has made it possible.

DC: Now you've got me scared, Sergey. Anything else on Google's radar screen?

SB: "Google Graves"?

DC: Google what?

SB: You know funerals are very expensive. I think a lot of people would gladly accept some discreet, tasteful advertising in exchange for a free funeral service and grave site.

DC: Advertising? Where?

SB: On the headstone. You know, maybe a 1-800-flowers ad or something like that. Very respectful. Or maybe a health spa ad. You know, a 24 hour Fitness or someone like that could place something on the headstone as well.

DC: You mean something like "Don't end up like Fred. Call 24 Hour Fitness for your free trial membership."

SB: Sure. Something like that.

DC: Well thanks for talking with us Sergey. As always, it's been a frightening look into the future.

SB: Don't be frightened. When the world finally let's go of its fear and goes Google, it will be a better place.

DC: Now I'm really scared.

More Boring Guitar Stuff

F G A B flat C D E F

Oh, hello. I hope you don't mind if I practice my scales while I post tonight. The weather's been so nice that I haven't felt like staying inside and practicing my music, so I have to do a little multitasking if I want to blog and still get in my scale work.

F E D C B flat A G B

As you know I got this book called "Beginning Jazz Guitar" so I could bone-up on my music theory, and exercise my fingers at the same time. The book is called "Beginning Jazz Guitar", by the way, and not "Jazz Guitar for Beginners" because you have to know the basics before you can start in with it. Anyways, it starts you off with scale work (the chromatic scale, for those following along at home), and the first lesson was learning the chromatic scale with what is called 6-2 fingering.

G flat A flat B flat B D flat E flat F G flat

So all last week I practiced the 6-2, and when I finally had it down I put the DVD back in the machine and played back the lesson, and, wouldn't you know it, I had been playing the fingerings all wrong. That's the problem with being self-taught; if there had been a live teacher then he/she would have pointed out the problem immediately. Instead, I went the whole week doing it wrong and now I've got to go back and learn it all over. Grrrr.....

G flat F E flat D flat B flat A flat G flat

But I really like the book. In fact it's part of a series put out by the National Guitar Workshop and published by Alfred Music. There are other supplemental books that go along with it on theory for guitar, fretboard knowledge and ear training that provide more in-depth material on the concepts covered. I got the theory and fretboard books, and I learned the best trick yet for learning the guitar fretboard.

G A B C sharp D E F sharp G

Yeah, I know, who cares, but listen, people pay 50 or 60 bucks an hour to learn this stuff, and I'm giving it to you for free. Besides, if you're learning the guitar you'll want to know this, and if you have a child that's learning then it's important for you to sit down and talk to them about this. Believe me, they'll be glad you did, and, let's face it, practicing scales gets a little boring so I need something to keep my mind busy.

G F sharp E D C sharp B A G

The concept is called the "Warped W", and it is handiest thing I've ever seen for learning the guitar fretboard. As some of you may know, because of its system of white keys and black keys, it takes about 5 minutes to learn the names of the keys on a piano. All you have to do is learn the pattern and you instantly know the name of any key on the keyboard. Unfortunately, on a guitar you don't have any white keys and black keys, so that makes learning the notes a little more difficult.


A flat B flat C D E flat F A flat

The "Warped W" is a pattern on the fretboard that allows you to visualize the notes, just as the white and black keys do on the piano. The system is easy. You start with string 6. Hopefully you know the notes going up the fretboard on string 6 just from playing your basic barre chords, but if you don't it'll only take you a few minutes to memorize them. So, you start with string 6, at, say, fret 1, which would be an F.


A flat F E flat D C B flat A flat

Now, to find the other F's on the fretboard going across all six strings you just need to know these four shortcuts: 4(2), 2(3), 5(2), 3(2), 6(2). Since string 1 is just 2 octaves above string 6, you don't really need to worry about that one. If you can find the note on string 6, you can find it on string 1. So what do the funny numbers mean?


A B C sharp D sharp E F sharp G sharp A

Well if string 6, fret 1 is an F, then to find the next F up the neck you up 2 frets and it will be on string 4, then go up 3 frets and it will be on string 2, then up 2 frets to string 5, and up another 2 frets to string 3, and finally up 2 more frets and back to string 6. If you draw that out on a fretboard diagram it will look a little like a "W" tilted to the right, hence the name "Warped W". Now, if you've got that memorized you can start to do some advanced note finding.



A G sharp F sharp E D sharp C sharp B A

For example, your playing the 6th fret of string 4, what note is that? Well, if you look at the diagram you'll see that all you have to do is subtract 2 frets from string 4 and then read the note off of string 6. In this case, 4 minus 2 equals 2, and the 2nd fret on string 6 is an F sharp, so you're playing an F sharp. With a little practice you can find the notes very quickly. On string 4 you subtract 2 frets, on string 2 you subtract 5 frets, on string 5 you subtract 7 frets, and on string 3 you subtract 9 frets. So, if your playing fret 6 on string 3, you subtract 9 frets which gives you a negative 3, which is the same as 3 frets below fret 12 (think about it) or fret 9. Fret 9 on the 6 string is a C sharp, so you know your note is a C sharp.


B flat C D E flat F G A B flat

It's sounds complicated the way I explain it, but it's very simple. Just remember 4(2), 2(3), 5(2), 3(2), and 6(2), and you'll see what I mean. It also makes it easy to do things like chord inversions because you can always find the nearest alternate finger position for any given note. Very handy, and I'm giving it to you free of charge.

B flat A G F E flat D C B flat

Sorry for such a boring post tonight, but this is what's on my mind. I feel like a kid again learning all this music stuff that I should have learned years and years ago. I even went out and bought a copy of Guitar Player Magazine the other day. I haven't read that Mag since I was about 13 years old, and it's still as useless as ever, but it's like I'm reverting back to my teen years. That's not necessarily a good thing, but it has me feeling young again.

By the way, they now have 2 versions of Guitar Player Magazine - one is the same old rock 'n roll magazine it's always been, the the other is called "Guitar Player Magazine Acoustic". The difference between the two is that the regular "Guitar Player" talks about musicians before they've entered rehab, and "Guitar Player Acoustic" deals with musicians after they've left.

It's true. You look at "Guitar Player" and it's all these rock 'n roll, party animal, trash the hotel room types, and you look at "Guitar Player Acoustic" and it has these old gray-haired guys who've showered and shaved and are into organic foods and herbal supplements.

Oh well, we all get older don't we.