Viva Zaragoza!

I want to talk about the Mexican American War. In case you forgot, that was that little border dispute we had with our neighbors to the south back around 1846 or so, a conflict precipitated by Mexico's stubborn refusal to accept what we had always felt was our manifest destiny to populate and own the North American continent. Remember? We tried to buy the land from them at first but they refused, so then we just said the hell with it and declared war, sent a couple of armies down south and more or less forced the issue.

One of the armies, led by General Zachary Taylor ("Old Rough and Ready"), went down first and bloodied some noses around the Mexican city of Monterrey, but even though their army was defeated the Mexican government still refused to yield. A little put out by this we sent another army under the command of Winfield Scott (old "Fuss and Feathers") to launch an amphibious assault at Vera Cruz and march across Mexico and occupy the capital Mexico City. They probably went over all of this with you back in high school, but you might have forgot to take notes.

Anyways, after we occupied Mexico City we went to the Mexican Congress and putting a knife to their throats we asked them if they would like to consider a treaty. "Do we have a choice?" they asked, to which we replied "Of course" and made them an offer they couldn't refuse.

"Tell you what" we said, "if you give us California, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico and Utah, we'd be more than willing to let you keep Ensenada and Tiajuana". Naturally, the Mexicans thought this was very generous offer, especially coming from someone with a knife to their throat, but they still weren't to sure they wanted to make the deal. This was very exasperating to the U.S. and we certainly didn't want to seem like we were trying to bully anyone, so we said "Listen. You know we're going to take what we want whether you sign the treaty or not, but, tell you what, just to show what nice guys we are and how reasonable we can be, how about we chip in a little extra cash to sort of smooth over the rough edges." "How much?" the Mexicans asked, and so we slipped a cool $15 million in their pockets and in 1848 the Treaty of Guadaloupe Hidalgo was signed.

And that was the Mexican American War - well, the condensed version. After we had our treaty we quickly got our maps out and started drawing lines throughout the Southwest. "Look" we'd tell the Mexican people, "this here line is a border. I know this line never used to be here before, but we're making a rule that everything south of that line is Mexico and everything north of that line is us. So you gotta stay on your side of the line, Ok?"

"But senor" the Mexicans would say, "there won't be any place for my cattle to graze." "But senor, my brother and my sister live over there. How will I visit them?" "But senor, I have lived there all my life. Does this mean I will never get to see my home again?"

"No, you don't understand. This land up north is the United States. See? We drew a line. Once you draw a line and make a rule then it isn't Mexico anymore. Now I want you all to stay down there where you're supposed to and don't be causing us any trouble. You hear?", and with that settled we quickly went about the business of building organic food stores and tanning salons.

Of course, the Mexicans didn't pay any attention to us or our lines and have continued crossing back and forth ever since. That's also why today I'm living in a city called San Jose, in a county called Santa Clara, south of the city of San Francisco, north of Monterey, east of Santa Cruz, and west of the San Joaquin valley, in the state of California, whose capital is Sacramento and whose largest cities are Los Angeles and San Diego, sitting in a taqueria and listening to some white guy named Todd complain about all the "non-natives" and "illegal aliens" that are slipping across our borders.

Kind of peculiar when you stop to think about it.

Well it's still all over the news of course. The governor is talking about closing our borders and meanwhile we've got these white guys in pickup trucks cruising up and down the border with high powered rifles searching the sand and scrub brush for Mexicans. (Well, to be fair, they're just there to "observe". "Observe", that is, through the scopes of their Remington rifles). They call themselves Minutemen and although I've never seen a poll I suspect that most Americans would see them as patriots out to protect us from those brown people coming over our borders to take away all of those good lettuce picking jobs.

Kind of peculiar and I get the feeling that if these were French Canadians coming over the northern border to take those lettuce picking jobs then the outcry wouldn't be quite so loud, but it's probably not really a racial thing. In fact if you took a poll of the Latino community here in California I bet you'd find there are quite a few legal immigrants and children of immigrants who would harbor many of the same "send 'em back to Mexico" feelings. Well that's what I suspect from what I hear, anyways, and my guess is that the border dispute probably has less to do with ethnicity than it has to do with poverty and not wanting to have a bunch of poor people hanging around.

Either way none of that has anything to do with Cinco de Mayo, which is really what I intended to talk about tonight. If you live in Iowa or North Dakota then Cinco de Mayo is probably nothing more than the 5th of May to you, but out here in California and the West it's a big deal. We've got the parades and the dancing and the music and the food and all that, and of course like a lot of holidays nobody is exactly sure what everyone is celebrating about but it doesn't seem to matter as long as the food is hot and the beer is cold.

But not me.

"What is Cinco de Mayo?", I ask myself, and here's the answer. It's the anniversary of an 1862 battle in which a Mexican militia under the command of General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguin defeated the French Army of Napoleon III at the town of Puebla, just east of Mexico City. As you may recall (here we go again with the high school history lesson) the French Army had invaded Mexico back around the time of the American Civil War with the intention of occupying the country and installing the Archduke Maximillan, a Hapsburg and friend of Napoleon III as leader. However, at Puebla the outnumbered Mexican militia was able to stop the French invading force cold and force them to retreat and regroup, effectively ending the campaign for the remainder of that year and beyond.

Now what any of that has to do with burritos and a six pack of Corona's is beyond me, but every 5th of May the Mexican American community gets together and throws a big party to commemorate the victory. Of course what they fail to mention, or at least choose to forget, is that the year after the victory at Puebla the French returned with 30,000 troops and crushed the Mexican resistance and Maximillan did indeed become ruler of Mexico for a time...that is until they assasinated him.

But you know what? Who cares, that was all a long time to go and isn't it ironic that 150 years later we Californians, residing in what once was the northern part of Mexico, should once again find ourselves with a Hapsburg on the throne.

Ok, maybe Arnold isn't a Hapsburg, but he is Austrian. Kind of peculiar isn't it?

La Belle Musique

It's hard to pick the one worst song lyric ever written because bad songs can be bad in so many different ways. Do you pick the most nonsensical lyric as the worst ever. Well, in that case my nomination would have to be Stairway to Heaven. Just try to make sense of this, and then imagine what sort of drugs Robert Plant must have been taking when he wrote it:

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow don't be alarmed now

It's just a spring clean for the May queen.

That would certainly be a strong candidate for the most strange and obtuse award, but is it bad enough to be crowned king of the truly awful. Maybe we should also consider grammar and abuse of the english language. For example, how about this gem from America:

I been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert, you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain.

Yes, yes - who can ever forget that classic. But still, obtuseness and bad grammar aren't really enough to win the award for bad song writing. I think you need something more. I think you need to write something so contrived, so dumb, that the memory of it just stays in your mind and rings through your consciousness long after the song itself has faded. In that spirit I nominate as the worst song ever written Los Bravos' Black is Black:

Black is black
I want my baby back

Man, I haven't heard that song in 30 years and the sheer dumbness of it still gnaws at me. But that's not what I want to talk about tonight.

I ordered a DVD from Amazon.com about a month ago and it finally showed up in my mailbox last week (so much for Super Saver shipping). It's called Thais and it's an opera written by this guy named Jules Massenet. The funny thing is that the same week it arrived I also got my latest issue of Opera News and wouldn't you know it they have a review of the same DVD. It wasn't a bad review, but it wasn't a ringing endorsement either. Now I don't claim to be an opera expert by any stretch of the imagination, and I've certainly never studied opera or voice or attended any conservatories, but I think even a layman is entitled to his impression. I mean my opinions, however uninformed, are no less valid than some fancy-dancy music critic. So here's my review.

If you like music, then buy this DVD.

There. You don't need any more review than that. Ok, ok, maybe I should qualify it a little. First, despite what you may have heard, french opera is not as bad as all those music snobs say it is. If you're a neophyte's like me then I know it's hard not to be a little put off by the remarks that are bandied about by the critics, calling french opera billious and dull at best, and a trivial waste of time at worst. Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion, of course, but as far as I'm concerned it's all a bunch of arrogant bull.

Thais is, in fact, one of the most beautiful operas I've ever heard, with the emphasis squarely on the 'beautiful'. If you've ever heard the 'Meditation' from Thais then you know what I'm talking about. I know it's almost blasphemy to talk about art as being beautiful in this modern angst-ridden age, and while I agree that art does not have to be beautiful to be good, I don't think it should be denigrated and mocked if it isn't harsh and unpleasant either. I may be overstating the dispute, but there does seem to be this unstated opinion among certain people that beautiful art is for simpletons, not edgy post-moderns. At least that's the feeling I get.

Anyways, this is some beautiful music, and whatever misgivings you may have about the rest of the piece, it's hard not to be charmed by the sheer loveliness of Massenet's score. And if that's too french for your tastes, then so be it.

If I have to point to a flaw on this DVD it's in the performance of bass Michele Pertusi as Athanael, the male lead. Athanael is a monk who travels to Alexandria to find Thais and deliver her from wickedness and sin, but somehow Pertusi seems to lack the presence or charisma to make this character work. It's hard to believe that Thais would ever be captivated by this dull presence and escape with him to a convent in the desert, but unlikely as it seems off she goes. I, for one, was unconvinced. Still, this is a small criticism, a nitpick really, which subtracts little from the sheer beauty of this work.

I should also mention the nudity. There is, um, lots of nudity in this production, and if that's something that bothers you then you best stay away. I know I've always found naked people walking around on stage a little distracting myself, but in defense of the DVD I should add that I didn't think it was a problem here. There is a lot of ballet in Thais and the somewhat underdressed ballerinas appear quite often in dream sequences (or meditations) that play upon the sexual tensions that the pious Athanael feels in the presence of Thais and the members of her court. Unlike a lot of operas where the ballet feels tacked on, the ballet in Thais integrates well with the drama onstage and the eroticism plays in quite naturally with the overall feel of the action. So, the nudity wasn't a problem for me, but if you're a little squeamish about such things, then you have fair warning.

Other than that, Eva Mei sings the title role beautifully, and that music...did I mention how beautiful it is. It just lingers with you. Forget what you've heard about french opera and buy this DVD. It's a keeper, and that comes from someone who knows nothing about opera.

Now to completely change gears I'd also like to mention one more thing. I get emails from time to time from people who've read my blog and I'm always happy to get them, although for the life of me I can't figure out why anyone reads it. I mean, out of the millions and millions of blogs out there, why anyone would read this one is beyond me. It's not about anything and I don't have anything particulary cogent to say, but I guess that's it's all a part of being in the blogosphere.

Anyways, I got an email from Dave Ciccone from Dave's Ipaq thanking me for mentioning his podcast in one of my blogs a while back, and I just want to say thanks to Dave for taking the time to read my incoherent ramblings. If you own a IPAQ (or any Pocket PC or Smartphone device for that matter) then I highly recommend a subscription to his podcast or a visit to his website. I think he mentioned on one of his podcasts that he'll be changing things around later this year and expanding his borders beyond the IPAQ world, per se. I look forward to that, but even if stays strictly IPAQ I still think he's got lots of good stuff that any Pocket PC user would be interested in. Definitely worth your time, and thanks for the email Dave.

One Step Up and Two Steps Back

Ah, RealNetworks. You know them, don't you? They're the company with the colorful CEO and the crappy software. Well, you think I would have learned my lesson by now but...

Today's big news was that RealNetworks has announced a major upgrade to their Rhapsody streaming music service. In case you don't know, Rhapsody is a subscription music service that streams music over the internet to your computer. It's kinda of like a big jukebox and for about 10 bucks a month you can stream as many songs as you want, but you can't download them. You can, however, purchase the songs and burn them to a CD.

That is to say, that was the Rhapsody service. With the new upgrade you can still listen to streams, but now Rhapsody has added the ability to download tracks to your computer and add them to portable MP3 players, and that includes the 800 pound gorilla of the music world the Apple IPod. At least that's what they claim. I don't have an IPod so I can't verify that.

To make the upgrade even sweeter, they have also taken a page from rival Napster and added the ability to add an unlimited amount of music to your portable device for a monthly subscription fee that is about 5 bucks over their regular subscription rate. Unfortunately, as of today there are only 2 devices which support this feature, although RealNetworks promises that they will eventually support hundreds more (including the IPod).

I'm sure that "sue-happy" Apple Computer will be agreeable to that.

Ok, so far, so good, and I should mention that I've been a Rhapsody subscriber for many years. I've always found it a good way to sample a wide variety of music without having to buy CD's and downloads. When I originally subscribed they were still owned by an outfit called Listen.com which was subsequently sold to RealNetworks, an acquistion I was sure would spell gloom and doom for Rhapsody but luckily Real seemed to be content to leave well enough alone and let Rhapsody go on pretty much as it always had.

Until today.

Now, before I get started on my rant I should probably say a word or two about RealNetworks. If you're on the internet at all then I'm sure you already know them. They're the company behind all those Real audio and video streams that seem so ubiquitous on all the major media sites around the world, and if all you do is click on an occaisional video clip that plays back using the RealPlayer software then you're probably totally unaware of Real's true mission in life. That is, to completely own your computer and all the media in it. Yes, I'll admit they've gotten a bit tamer in recent years, but Real has always had this nasty predisposition towards insinuating themselves into the deepest, darkest recesses of your computer and seizing control of all it's systems.

Which brings me to the Rhapsody upgrade. First off, let me say that the interface update was long overdue. The old one had been around for at least 3 or 4 years and was feeling a bit clunky, especially compared to it's slicker rivals. While the new interface isn't up to the standards of the current state-of-the-art in media players, it is a big improvement over what came before. I won't go into the details here, but essentially what they've done is merge the Rhapsody streaming service and the RealPlayer10 media player.

And that's the problem.

Everything was going peachy-keen until I decided to add my mp3 player to the devices list within Rhapsody. You need to do this before you can transfer music to your portable device and it's quite a common procedure these days. I've done it in Napster, I've done it in Audible, I've done it in Windows Media Player - all in all a pretty straightforward procedure. So I told Rhapsody to add the device and it dutifully informed me it would have to download some drivers to do that. Again, no problem, all the players need to do that. But, you see, I forgot. This is not any media player I'm dealing with - this is RealNetwork's media player, the company that is hell bent on dominating the world with crappy software.

Ok, this is the rant part.

Let's see, where do I begin. After I installed the drivers I plugged my device into the computer and immediately Real assumed it was time to take control of my system. Now Napster never did that, Audible never did that, but good 'ol Real, they just figured that since I installed their player that meant I would never, ever want to control how I access my device again. "Just have a seat over there, little fella', and let Real take over" is what they seemed to be saying.

So like I said, I plugged in my device and immediately 5 new windows popped up on my screen (that's right, I said 5 NEW WINDOWS! I counted 'em), and each window asked me the same question. Would you like Real to take over from here or would you like to take no action and cancel. So I clicked "Take No Action, Cancel", "Take No Action, Cancel", "Take No Action, Cancel", "Take No Action, Cancel", and "Take No Action, Cancel". Down at the bottom of each window there was also a little box which asked me if I would always like Windows to perform the same action when I connected my device, and I clicked that box too. Naively I assumed that that Windows would remember that setting and not ask me the same questions the next time I connected, butI forgot - this used to be my computer but it was Real's computer now.

After I closed all the windows I launched Windows Media Player and luckily my device showed up and everything looked fine so I let it go at that and didn't think any more of it. Of course, you know what's coming and sure enough the next time I started my computer and connected the device up come the 5 new windows again. This time I shut 'em down and went immediately into Rhapsody to try to find some way to stop these stupid windows from popping up, and lo and behold when I went into their little device area I found out that my device wasn't even listed. I had installed it, I was getting the 5 new windows, but it wasn't there. Seemed like the natural thing to do was click on the little install button and try installing it again.

Real didn't like that.

As soon as I clicked the button and I swear I heard a little voice coming from inside my computer. "Did I give you permission to press that little button? Did I? Hmmm?" Needless to say, I was spitting in the face of God and that was all she wrote.

You know there are crashes and there are freezes, and there are hard crashes and there are hard freezes, but this crash was like the Titanic hitting an iceberg. First the little progress bar starts going and gets to about 24% and then stops, then it tells me it needs to shut down Rhapsody and freezes, and then it stays frozen for about 5 minutes until finally I open up the task manager and shut it down manually, and then all of a sudden the progress bar starts moving again and asks me if I want to replace my more recent driver with this older driver that Rhapsody wants to install so of course I tell it "Hell no" and click continue, and then...well, that was not the response that Rhapsody wanted to hear.

The computer rebooted fine after I finally managed to shut it down and restart it, but plugging in my mp3 player was not a good idea. Immediately the computer started acting like it had just OD'd on seconal. It just began to run slower, and slowwwer, and slowwwwwweeeer, and slowwwwwwwwweeeeeeeerrrrr, and was running so slow, in fact, that it took about 3 minutes just to get the task manager to come up so I could shut the thing down and restart it. After the second restart I opened up Windows Media Player and this time, no device. Rhapsody had completely hosed my mp3 player.

Well, this has gone on longer than I wanted so to make a long story short let me just say that a visit to a website, and a reinstall eventually fixed the problem, but sheesh, what a pain just because I didn't want to install Real's lousy old drivers. It goes without saying that I won't be using Rhapsody to connect to my device, and who knows, maybe Real will manage to muck things up so bad that I'll be through with Rhapsody for good. I guess that's what they call "reverse engineering". Taking something that works and breaking it.

Pity Is For The Living, Envy Is For The Dead

"Well doc, how's it look?"

"You mean the blood test?"

"Yeah. Better or worse this time?"

"More of the same, I'd say. LDL too high, HDL too low, triglycerides off the chart. Blood pressure looks good, but you know, according to these numbers you ought to be dead by now. I don't know how you do it."

"Just stubborn, I guess."

"Been watching you're diet like I told you."

"Sure... I mean, yeah...of course."

"And the exercise."

"Well, I'm no Bruce Jenner but I do try to walk everyday."

"That's good...everyday?"

"Oh you know, this lousy weather and all. It's hard to get motivated when it's raining all the time. But yeah, most days... Some days."

"How many days?"

"I don't know. Most days, I guess."

"I don't know why you seem to think you've got all this time to take care of this problem. I mean, I can read you the numbers and tell you what you've got to do, but in the end it's up to you to take of yourself. After all, it's going to be your funeral, not mine."

(Ok, ok, here we go. I thought I was going to get through this without a lecture this time)

"You know, doc, it's hard. It's like...well suppose you told someone not to be thirsty. I mean, suppose you told them if they ever took another drink of water they were going to die an early death. Suppose you told them 'whatever you do, don't think about h0w thirsty you are. Don't think about your mouth being dry, don't think about swallowing. Just don't think about thirst.' You know what'd happen if you told someone that? Of course you do. I guarantee that all they're going to think about from that point on is how thirsty they are. No matter how hard they try, that's all they'll be thinking, and the more they try not to think about it the more of an obsession it becomes, until finally they grab a jug of water and gulp the whole thing down just so they can stop thinking about it."

"But we're not talking about a jug of water, we're talking about your chloresterol and your triglycerides and how if you don't start doing something about your diet and your exercise you'll be headed straight for some serious problems down the road."

"You know what I read today? I read that they did a study at Michigan State that found out that only 3% of the adults surveyed lead what doctors would consider a healthy lifestyle. Only 3% that didn't smoke, that ate right, that exercised daily and that kept their weight down."

"So that's you're excuse?"

"No, that's not my excuse. I'm just saying that if I'm screwing up then there are about 290 million other people in this country who are screwing up just as bad. Maybe it's not so easy being pink and healthy, you know?"

"That's a good one. I guess we should all just sit on our asses and stuff pizzas and ice cream down our throats all day. That's your solution to this problem?"

"I don't eat pizza and I don't eat ice cream and I don't sit around on my ass all day. C'mon, I'm making progress, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you're doing better than you were before, but you're not where I'd like to see you. We just need to bring these numbers down some more. But like I said, it's you're funeral."

"I feel fine doc. It's not like I'm nauseous and dizzy and coughing up blood or anything like that. I promise, I'll work on it"

"I want to see you again in a month."

"A month!?"

(Geez. Why don't I just set up a cot in the waiting room and you can come in and be my conscious every morning.)

"Yeah, and I want another blood test. We'll keep going with the same meds for now, but I want you to try to control your diet and keep going with your exercise. "

"Yeah, got it. See you next month."

(Not much of a blog, but I just want all the yunguns out there to know what they have to look forward to as they start that steady decline into decrepitude. Don't say I didn't warn you, and don't be suprised if you find yourself in a doctor's office someday having this same conversation. Just remember, you won't be young forever so...enjoy that pizza and ice cream while you can.)

Don't Know Much About Geometry


At one time the U.S. stood at number 3 in terms of broadband internet penetration. We then fell to number 4 and have kept on falling all the way to our current position at number 11 on the per capita broadband internet penetration list. We also lag in the average speed of our broadband connections with Japan coming in number 1 at 26 Megabits per second as compared to the U.S.'s 1.5 Megabit per second, making the average Japanese broadband connection about 17 times faster than the average U.S. broadband connection.

In other words, in the internet arena the country that has always sat at the center of the whole hi-tech revolution is slowly slipping behind the rest of the world. Not technologically backwards, of course, just failing to keep up with many of the other developed countries, particularly in Asia.

What does this all mean? Beats me.

In other news, school districts around the country are clamping down on the teaching of evolution in the classroom. While not imposing an outright evolution ban, school boards are requiring that in the name of fairness and balance, students should be told that evolution is only some poppycock atheistic heathen theory that is a slap in the face to God and religion and all the good and moral people of the world. "How can anyone that loves their mother" the students are asked "believe in this evolution crap."

Although it is only a rumor, there is also a movement underway in legislatures across America's heartland not only to prohibit the teaching of the theory of evolution, but to make evolution itself illegal as well. If successful, any species found mutating in those states with anti-evolution statutes in place will be in violation of the law and remanded to the hereafter for further judgement and reprisal. I asked the President about this.

"Good morning, Mr. President."

"Good morning Bill."

"Mr. President, there has been a great deal of movement in many state legislatures around the country to outlaw the evolution of the species. How do you feel about that and do you support these moves?"

"Well, no, um, I don't think it's, um, proper for states to act indepently on this matter. I think what we need is some action on the, er, federal level to have a national...uh, what we need is a law. A federal law, that will put these mutating species on notice, er, um...Well I'll tell you, I think they ought to go to jail."

"I notice you're using a lot of um's and er's, Mr. President, in that sort of exaggerated Texas townhall meeting style you affect whenever you're trying to sell us something. You know, like when you're talking about Social Security reform, for instance."

"The American people know that I'm, um...We're all just folks."

"I see. Then am I correct in saying that you do support the illegalization of evolution, but on a national rather than state level."

"Yes that's right. I'm not ashamed of my beliefs. As you know I believe in a faith based, uh...We can't let these species go on mutating, Bill. That's just not part of God's plan."

"Mr. President, if we do stop the evolutionary process, that is, if we do stop genetic mutations, where will that leave the country? Will we fall behind the rest of the world in terms of adaptability and resistance to disease and things like that?"

"Well you see Bill, that's a misperception that's out there among the heathen scientist community. We don't have to adapt because species don't evolve. Just the other day I was talking to Karl Rove about this and he confirmed to me that that's a view supported by a majority of the American people as well. "

"You mean, Mr. President, that Karl Rove is as highly evolved as mankind is ever going to get?"

"Yes, and the American people support me in that. I think we all want to see more scientists go to jail, and I think a federal law outlawing evolution could be a, er, first step. Go out to Kansas or Ohio or North Carolina and I think you'll see that folks agree."

"Thank you Mr. President."

"Aw, er, um...shucks."

And now just one more item from the medical file. The American Association for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery reports that there were 11.9 million cosmetic procedures performed in the United States in 2004. Leading the list were 2,837,346 botox injections, 478,251 liposuctions and 334,052 breast augmentations, an increase of 44 percent over the number of cosmetic procedures performed in 2003. Which means, of course, that although we might not be as internet connected as others and we might be turning out the lights on scientific progress, our skin is wrinkle-free and we've got lots of cleavage.

Somehow, I can't work up much outrage over that.

Quick Hits

Ok, I've never tried a quicke blog, so here goes.

First the technology news: ZDnet reports that Microsoft is working with OEMs to develop a Mini Tablet PC. According to the article the form factor is rumored to be bigger than a PDA but smaller than a regular-sized Tablet PC. If it's true then we may finally see the type of device I have long been looking for, with enough screen size to make web surfing and other common tasks actually doable on a portable device, but still small and light enough to easily carry around the house or on a trip. No details were announced but if they can fit a keyboard on it (a slider maybe?) and deliver respectable battery life then count me in.

Technolgy news part 2: Oops, looks like Lexis-Nexis might have kind of accidently leaked personal data on about 310,000 consumers, sort of. Well, what can you say really. It's only our social security numbers and bank account numbers and credit card numbers, etc... Is that such a big deal? The part I like about this whole mess is that the credit bureaus tell us that if our information has been compromised we can put a freeze on our credit reports. This means that no one can open a new credit card or take out a new loan in our name without our authorization. Oh, and by the way, if we do want to give our authorization to open a new account then there will be $10.00 charge for each new account opened. What a deal! Some information broker screws up and we're the ones that have to pay the credit bureaus to keep our records secure. In the business world that 's what they call "having you by the balls."

Financial News: Stocks finished sharply lower today on news that American's aren't buying enough stuff. So America I begging you, I'm pleading with you, I'm down on my news. Please, please go out and buy more stuff, will ya'. My retirement is depending on it.

State News: Dear friends, as we gather here today to remember the once promising career of Governor Arnold let us take a moment to consider the notion of hubris, and let us also consider knowing how and when to pick your fights. As it becomes clear that the governership of Arnold Schwarzenegger is now effectively dead in the water, and as it is only right that we give the democrats a few moments to gather 'round his grave and begin their victory dance, let us further reflect on just what it is that they have won. The budget is stil a mess, more bonds will be issued to get us through the next fiscal year, and the power brokers that were pulling the strings yesterday will still be pulling the strings tomorrow. We bid you farewell, Arnold, and give thanks to the status quo.

Local News: Dateline San Jose, California 10 April 2005. The Cheerleaders of San Jose State have been suspended by the University after performing a routine at a basketball game that one elderly fan described as "vulgar" and a "burlesque, with bumps and grinds." The suspension comes amid a recent flurry of complaints about the general moral decline of our country and its institutions. "Whatever happened to wholesomeness" one man complained. "Why I've got a daughter myself and I can tell you I'd never allow her to go around flaunting herself like that, dancing in public and making herself up to be sexually attractive. God only knows what's going through the minds of those men." Asked to comment his daughter added "But Dad, I'm 37 years old." Reminded that audiences once considered the dancing of Elvis Presley obscene only later to see it as a no more than a tempest in a teapot, the man replied "No daugther of mine. No sir, no daughter of mine." The University will decide later this year on further guidelines and the future of the cheerleading program. Meanwhile I'm just sitting here kicking myself and asking how I could have been so foolish as to miss that game.

Do They Have Cable TV In Heaven?

I was driving past the gas station today and the one sign said "Regular Unleaded $264.9" and the sign next to it said "Cigarettes $2.59 pk". Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it strange that heart and lung disease now costs less in California than a gallon of gas. Seemed strange to me, and the next time someone comes up to me and says "life is cheap" I can tell them "No you're wrong. Death is actually a nickel cheaper."

Being the financially prudent type myself, I chewed on this awhile and came to the conclusion that budgetarily speaking it wouldn't be such a bad idea to sell my car and start smoking cigarettes. After all, a penny saved is a penny earned you know, but then events which have been so prominent in the news lately made that plan seem less worthy - or should I say stupid. So rather than surrender to my prudent, rational self I decided to give in to my more spendthrift, irrational self and go out and buy a new DVD player instead. Granted, this has no express relationship to either cigarettes or the price of gasoline, but does show that a person has to break the mold every now and then and doing something foolish, if only to avoid being ambushed by the corruptive influences of too much good sense.

So, I took this uncashed gift card I got last christmas and went down to the local electronics superstore, fiercely determined that come hell or high water I was going to be rid of it and find something to spend it on. The computer stuff didn't interest me, nor did the cameras and telephones and movies, etc..., but I did have this 6 or 7 year old DVD player at home and figured I could use something newer that would play movies and mp3's and jpeg's and all those formats that were hopelessly beyond my old antique. And while I was at it, I figured, why not get one of those new ones that can record DVD's as well as play them. That way I could back up some of those movies and TV shows I had on my TIVO and put them away for safekeeping.

And so I walked into the store with a gift card and walked out with a new DVD player/recorder.

That's what I'm going to blog on tonight - my new Toshiba D-VR4SU Hi-Fi VCR & DVD Video Recorder. First let me say there were cheaper recorders available and some well under the $200.00 I paid out of pocket after cashing in my gift card, but I've always had good luck with Toshiba in the past and so that's the one I got. Anyways, who cares why I bought this particular model - let me just pass on my experiences to others who might be considering buying one for themselves.

My experiences:

Let me begin by saying it works just fine, and by that I don't mean it worked fine the first time I tried to use it, only that after some trial and error I finally figured out how to get the thing set up and working the way I want it to. The unit ships with a remote, some batteries, an RCA cable and a coaxial cable for those still getting their TV over an antenna. The unit also has connections for S-Video, Component Video and Digital Audio (both coax and optical), but cables for those connections are not included. As an added bonus they also bundle in some extra packing paper in the form of something jokingly referred to as the "Owners Manual". My advice is that after unpacking the unit, immediately throw the "Owners Manual" in the nearest trashcan. I guarantee this will save you hours of confusion and frustration.

Being the naive type, I didn't throw away the manual and after following the instructions for hooking up my satellite box (or cable box as referred to in the manual - same difference), I happily spent the next hour or so checking cables, connections and settings and trying to figure out why I wasn't getting any picture. The manual kept saying to tune the tuner on the DVD recorder to channels 3 and 4 and you should be able to see your TV signal, but all I was getting was a big, blue, empty screen full of nothing. Finally I started playing around with all the settings and drilling down through all the setup menus and discovered a spot on the DVD tuner called "Line Input". I changed the channel to Line Input and presto - I finally got my picture. I then went back through the manual and I swear to you "Line Input" is not mentioned anywhere. Typical, I guess.

So now I had the picture coming from my TIVO piped through my DVD Recorder and it was time to burn a disc. This was remarkably easy and anyone who has ever taped anything with a VCR would have no problems with it. In fact, it's exactly the same with both one-touch recording and timer recording available. Just put a blank DVD-R or DVD-RW in the machine, start the recording and that's it. I should mention that this model will also record to DVD-RAM but since most DVD players and computers can't read DVD-RAM discs I don't know why you would want to use it. Still, it's available.

After the recording is done the last step is to "close" or "finalize" the disk. This is only necessary if you want to take the recorded DVD and play it in some other machine. I'm guessing you probably do, so you will need to enter a setup menu, drill down a couple of levels and tell the machine to "finalize" the disc. Once this is done you have yourself a nice little DVD that you can st0re away or give to a friend or whatever.

At least that's the theory.

In actual use there can be problems. The one I ran into on the my first burn attempt was this thing called "title editing". I don't want to go into great detail here but let me just summarize and say that before finalizing the disc you have the option of editing the titles of the videos contained on the disc. By default the machine names them by date and time (I think), but if you want to give the videos a more descriptive names you can. This seemed pretty cool to me so after my first burn I tried changing the title to the name of the TV show I recorded. It went smoothly enough but after I finalized the disc and tried to play it on my computer it spit it right back in my face with an "unrecognized format" error. This was not what I expected and when I explored the disc I found that VOB file containing the actual video played just fine, but the VOB containing the title was hopelessly mangled. Moral of the story - don't mess with title editing unless you've got some spare blanks and feel like experimenting. I just leave the titles alone and have had nothing but clean burns since. The DVD's play on all of my computers and on my housemate's DVD player as well.

The only other problem I've had with the DVD portion of this unit is that it gets confused a lot between the different types of discs I throw at it. In fact the "C104 - Disc cannot be recognized" error is pretty common and it usually takes more than one process of opening and closing the DVD tray to get it to correctly identify the disc, whether it is a commerical DVD, a DVD-R, a DVD-RW, and so on. Sometimes even opening and closing the tray doesn't work and I've had to shut off the unit completely and restart it before it would recognize the disc. It's very annoying, but once the disc is recognized I've never had any problems playing or recording.

The VCR portion of the machine works as expected and it's nice being able to replace both DVD player and VCR with just one machine. Like most combo VCR/DVD Recorder units the Toshiba can also dub from Tape to DVD and vice-versa, but I haven't actually dubbed a tape yet so I can't comment on that. I can tell you that it won't dub commercial VHS tapes to DVD though, because I did try that and it didn't work. The tape I tried to dub is an old Cranberries Concert video that has apparently been Macrovisioned, and when I tried to dub it the machine immediately stopped and gave me a "CR254 - Naughty, naughty, naughty" error, or something like that. It's unfortunate, but understandable. Just forget about dubbing anything copy protected and you should be fine for everything else.

So that's my little Toshiba D-VR4SU consumer review. The manual stinks but the machine works as advertised. It records DVD-R, DVD-RW, DVD-RAM and VHS tapes, and plays DVD's, VHS tapes, CD's, CD-R's, CD-RW's, VCD's, and SVCD's. Iit's nice being able to move stuff off of my TIVO and onto DVD where I can put it in permanent storage or manipulate it into other formats, and although there are some minor problems with the unit, overall I'm pretty pleased.

Of course there are other methods available for recording video and I've considered them, but having a dedicated DVD Recorder works if you don't have a computer in your living room or don't want to run a bunch of cables back and forth. A hard drive inside the unit would be nice but s0 far the hard drive DVD Recorder's are over my budget. Besides, I have a TIVO so a hard drive would be a little redundant.

Anyways, the prices are coming down and people looking to replace their DVD players might want to consider getting a recorder. I know I heard the horror stories when they first came out but they seem to be getting the bugs worked out, and even though Blu-Ray and HD-DVD are coming these current Recorders are still inexpensive enough to be a good interim solution.

Verdi, Verdi, Verdi, Verdi, Verdi

"I wish I was into jazz."

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean people who are into jazz are cool, you know."

"Says who?"

"Says me, that's who. C'mon man, admit it. Jazz is just so cool."

"I like opera, and the classics."

"Well so do I but face it - opera ain't cool. In fact, it's like 180 degrees from cool, man. It's like cool times a negative one, you know what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, well so what. I still like opera and I don't care how cool it is or not. Besides, jazz ain't cool - rap is cool. Hip-hop is cool. Jazz is like, well, who listens to jazz anyways?"

"No, man, hip-hop isn't cool. Hip-hop is hip, but it ain't cool."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Hip-hop is the mainstream, man. That makes it hip, but it don't make it cool. If you want to be cool you got be out there on the fringes, you know, off the radar."

"Dude, what you been smoking? Hip-hop is mainstream, and it's cool. The clothes are cool, the talk is cool...it's just cool, ok. "

"Naw, it ain't. I'm telling 'ya. Jazz is cool. Hip-hop is the culture, it's what everyone is into. You can't be cool if your just doing the same thing everyone else is. But jazz... I mean, no one listens to jazz. That what makes it so cool."

"Now you're just being stupid. No one listens to opera either and that don't make it cool."

"Yeah, but people who listen to hip-hop and rock and all that stuff - they know deep down in their hearts that if they was really cool then they'd be listening to jazz. I mean, they know that if they was sophisticated and cultured and had lot's of women then they'd be into jazz too. It's like deep down they know that's something they should aspire to even if they don't like the music or understand it. But no one who listens to rock aspires to listen to the opera. Not unless they want to be a nerd."

"Yeah, ok, I get your point, but I still say that jazz don't make you cool. I mean you used to listen to jazz and that never made you cool, did it? Damn, besides, the only people who listen to jazz are college professors and black intellectuals and they don't seem very cool to me."

"Yeah, I used to listen to jazz but it didn't take me very far. Oh man, 'The Black Saint and the Sinner Lady'. Did you ever listen to that record? I swear, that was just too good to be jazz. If there was more like that I would have listened longer, but a lot of the jazz I heard just sounded like new opinions on the same old topics. It was still cool though."

"Whatever. You know what jazz don't have though? It don't have sex and violence, that's what. I mean, just go to the movies and turn on the TV and it's like the whole world is crazy for sex and violence. That's why people like the hip-hop and the rock, and that's what makes opera cooler than jazz. Opera's full of sex and violence. People want that. That's why people don't like jazz, it's TOO cool, man. People want a little heat with their music, you know what I mean."

"Now who's being stupid. Jazz is nothing but sex, man. Damn, people go to bars and get drunk when they listen to jazz. There's all kinds of drugs and violence and jealous lovers hanging around those kinds of places, man. That's why it's so cool. They aren't looking at sex and violence on some movie screen or on some stage - they're living it, man. When's the last time you saw a bar fight break out at the opera house."

"That's bull, man. That's just plain bull. You mean to tell me that when McCoy Tyner is up there playing and stuff that the people in the audience are out there murdering and fornicating and getting into bar fights? Right. I'd like to see that."

"Ok, ok, but still you know as well as I do that sex and violence at the opera ain't the same as it is in the movies or on TV."

"Sure it is."

"Bull. You been to any movies lately? When people die in the movies they show everything, man, and I mean everything. You get to see the flesh explode and blood flying and the brains and stuff all falling out. Man, you go the opera and some guy dies and all he does is lay down on the ground and start singing an aria or something. It's so phony, man. Nothing like it is in the movies."

"Well people at the opera don't want to see the tenors brains start falling out if that's what you mean. That don't mean that the opera can't be just as depraved as the movies, does it? Hell, what about Rigoletto? That's pretty depraved, isn't it? I mean you got kidnapping and rape and assassination and murder for hire and a deformed old hunchback and filicide and..."

"Naw, it wasn't actually filicide. Still, Rigoletto's pretty depraved. "

"Yeah, wouldn't that be like the perfect opera to go to for your first opera? Especially for a teenager. I mean teenagers are into that nihilism and death and maiming and stuff. They'd probably dig opera if it was really depraved like Rigoletto."

"Especially if they could modernize it, you know. Make the Duke a drug lord and make Sparafucile and ex-CIA agent who turned bad or something. Then at the end when Rigoletto opens the sack maybe you could have Gilda's guts spill out all over the stage..."

"You really got this thing for seeing peoples guts hanging out, don't you?"

"Naw, I just mean they should modernize it. You know how they're always talking about how they should try to introduce opera to younger audiences, well, you know, you gotta change with the times if you want to keep the kids interested."

"You mean if you want to be cool."

"Yeah, if you want to be cool."

"Then you're saying that opera is cool?"

"No, I'm saying opera is depraved. Jazz is cool."

Cut And Paste (In The Key of G)

Now, more than ever, what the top-selling pop artist needs is looks. Sure, attractiveness has always been part of the equation, but with the growing dominance of the producer and sound engineer these days it seems like even the merest of talents can make it to the top if they're good looking enough and have the right kind of studio talent. I say that from the perspective of a listener not an insider, of course, but just look at the CD covers and listen to the music and tell me I'm wrong. It's abundantly clear that technology has finally completed it's triumph over art, and to prove my point all you have to do is look at the mashup.

Have you heard these things? They've been around for a while and just seem to be getting more and more popular every day, though lord knows why. Let me backup a bit. For all of you non-hipsters out there I should probably explain that a mashup is just this thing you get when a person takes different songs or pieces of songs or pieces or whatever and meshes them together into a sort of hybrid noise strung together with a loud, pulsing electronic beat. They're quite common on the internet and in podcasts and the beauty of the mashup is that you don't need an artist to create one - all you need is technology. Well, no, the engineers and technologists on the internet call them art, but I have my doubts.

To tell the truth, mashups remind me of those collages we used to make in junior high art class. If you remember, the collage was a wonderful thing because even the most hamhanded artistic wannabes, the supremely ungifted who couldn't draw a line or make the simplest gumby-like clay sculpture, could nevertheless make a collage. All you had to do was cut some pictures and things out of a magazine and paste them onto a piece of posterboard and voila- instant Rauschenberg!

That's the idea behind the mashup, anyways, and though there are technical skills involved, I can't bring myself to call it art. A folk art, maybe, like quilting, but not "art" art. Ok, maybe I'm just being condescending here. There is certainly nothing wrong with quilting or mashups and they certainly take more skill to produce than I have, and if millions of people enjoy them then more power to them. Still...

Maybe I should backup a bit. The only reason I'm even talking about this is because of an old Dan Hicks record I was listening to today. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking. The old man's getting nostalgic on us. He's reminiscing about the good 'ol days and how they don't make 'em like they used to, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, so maybe I am.

That's what happens to you when you get older, you know. Somewhere along the line you pass a tipping point and the simple truths of the past start looking more attractive to you than the false hopes for the future. I don't know where the exact meridian is, but I'm sure has something to do with experience and the knowledge that far too often the gains aren't worth the losses. You'll get old someday and understand what I mean.

Anyways, I was listening to Dan Hicks and it just occured to me that this is something you'll never hear again; a popular music built on acoustic instruments, simple harmonies, tight musicianship and execution. Nope, you'll never hear the likes of that again. Technology has taken over, almost like it has become the antonym of art.

Which brings me to what I really want to talk about.

The difference between art and technology, you see, is a lot like the difference between fiction and nonfiction. Nonfiction gives you the facts and the details, and yet can be strangely ambiguous or inconclusive as to the actual truth. In most cases, I've found that fiction actually comes closer to the real, universal truths than nonfiction does. To know the facts you need the journalist or documentarian; to know the truth you need the imagery and imagination of the novelist or poet.

That's why I've always thought that computers (strictly nonfiction machines) have such a terrible time of showing any real intelligence. I mean, to perform even the simplest task a computer requires endless detail and instruction, each step carefully laid out, each contigency anticipated and responded to. Vary from the program even a little and the computer is lost. Why? Because it has no imagination. It only has the tools and materials it was given and it's list of appointed tasks.

So what is missing from the mashup? It's simple. The creative concept. Imagination. Truth.

But then, those are old-fashioned things, aren't they. All we ask for in these modern times are consumables, not truths. Technology we can buy to occupy our time and keep the silence and the boredom away. Ahhh, these modern times. I wonder if Beethoven were alive today if he would be composing or just sitting at a mixing board doing mashups?

Yeah I know - he'd be doing mashups.

Let's just be grateful he isn't alive today.

If You Want It, Here It Is, Come And Get It
(But You Better Hurry 'Cause It's Going Fast)

For the older generation, or should I say for the non-techie population, the news probably passed unnoticed. The Supreme Court is hearing arguments in the case of MGM vs. Grokster, and as hundreds of millions of Americans yawn a chill is being felt throughout the global tech community. "Why is that?", you ask. Well, if you buy all the hype and hyperbole, this is a case which will decide America's technology future, or at least the future of file-sharing over so-called P2P networks. For those of you not up on your internet lingo, P2P is the technology so much in the news these past few years that allows the wholesale distribution of copyrighted materials to millions of internet users each day. I realize this whole subject may seem a bit obtuse to those who aren't tuned in to the P2P scene so let me try to explain what's going on.

First of all, don't believe everything you read on the internet (except for this blog, of course). While it's true that the internet is a vast, diverse ocean of thought and ideas, venturing out into the water quickly makes it clear that for all it's breadth its deepest point the it is no more than a few inches deep. In fact I'd characterize it as a very incestuous place, endlessly self-referential, and constantly parroting the same opinions, discarding the same facts, and shouting down the same people who challenged its most sacred and misguided assumptions. If you want to know how many gigaflops that new processor can do, or what the temperature in Jefferson, Mississippi might be, the internet is the place to go. Otherwise, I'd sooner trust an email asking me for my bank account number than the internet, at least when it comes to diverse or divergent points of view.

As a case in point, let's look at MGM vs. Grokster. Go to any techie website, read any techie blog or news report, browse any techie forum and I guarantee you will find mimicked there the same P2P oath that no self-respecting internet junkie would ever dare speak against.

"It's just like back in the 70's when they (they being the evil 'them') tried to outlaw the VCR."

"What are they talking about?", you ask. Well let me try to explain. You see, according to the unofficial hardcore techie creed new technology is good, subverting the status quo is good, and free...well, that's best of all. Conversely, asking accountability of new technology is bad, law and order is bad, and, worst of all, asking payment is downright obscene. You have to understand the creed before you understand their position.

And so the techie argument goes like this. Back in the 70's there was this new technology called the VCR which the TV networks and the Hollywood studios were sure would be the death of their industries. They filed a lawsuit charging that VCR's should be made illegal because they allowed people to violate their copyrights and make unauthorized copies of their properties. The case eventually made it to the Supreme Court and the Court decided that since the VCR had substantial non-infringing uses the manufacturers could not be held liable for the acts of those who used the machines for illegal purposes. In other words, the media companies lost and we all got to keep our VCR's. I may have misplaced a fact or two along the way but I'm sure I got the gist of it right.

Now we fast-forward to the 21st century and we have this new technology called P2P that techies argue is the same old VCR thing all over again. Like brainwashed acolytes they parrot that the media companies are trying to restrict our access to new technologies by holding technology companies responsible for the illegal actions of its users, just like they failed to do back in the 70's.

And here's where I part company with the techies.

Now hear me on this because it's important. (In fact you may want to take 0ut a pencil and paper and write this down) If you understand nothing else about this issue understand this: The techies are lying to you America, and they know it. Let me repeat that for emphasis. The techies, and by that I mean the technology companies, their lawyers, and the tech community at large, are LYING to you. "What is the lie?", you ask. It's simply this.

P2P, unlike the VCR, is not a reproduction technology - it is a distribution technology.

So what, you ask. Is there a difference? Let me explain. In order to distribute millions and millions of copies of copyrighted works over the internet you need two things: Some means of copying the content off of the CD or DVD or cable or satellite network, etc..., and some means of distributing the content to other users. The first step, the copying, is easily done and there are literally hundreds of programs out there that will copy or "rip" CD's and DVD's and dozens of devices that will capture content off of an audio or video source and transfer it to your computer. When the techies talk about the VCR this is what they are really talking about, because this is really the only part of the process analagous to VCR's and the taping of TV shows that we are all familiar with.

However, the second part of the process is much different and is made possible largely by the ease with which digital content (as opposed to the analog content found on those old VHS tapes) can be transferred over the vastness of the internet. Digital content, it turns out, is very portable and compressable and amenable to the distribution models that P2P networks like Grokster and Streamcast are happy to provide and profit from.

Now I don't want to confuse anyone by going into the why's and where's of P2P technology, but you should be aware that there is nothing even remotely analagous to P2P in the VCR world. In fact, a good analogy for P2P would not be the VCR but rather cable TV. Again, remember, Grokster is not a copying program, it is not "ripping" software, and the techies that tell you it is are liars. Just like the cable company, Grokster is a conduit and facilitator for the distribution of content. The cable companies distribute content over their private networks, and the Grokster's of the world distribute it over the internet. However, with one important difference.

The content coming over your cable box has been paid for. Licenses have been bought, royalties have been paid. The content coming over Grokster is stolen. Well, I should say 'technically' it's been stolen, because we have to remember the techie creed. Free is good. The air is free, the sky is free, butterflies are free - why shouldn't CD's and DVD's be free too? If I can take it and you can't stop me, then that's just an expression of my freedom, isn't it. Can't we all be brothers? (I could go on but I feel a Jesse Colin Young song coming on)

Anyways, everywhere you go on the internet that's the argument you hear, and one that I think leads to an obvious question. If Grokster wins this case, shouldn't the cable companies and satellite companies also be allowed to distribute unlicensed (i.e. stolen) content over their networks? Shouldn't Comcast or Time-Warner be allowed to add bootlegged movies to their Pay-per-view lineup? Well, it's just a thought, and besides, we all know the consequences of Grokster losing this case would be far worse. Why Xerox machines be illegal if that happens. Right? Oh wait a minute. I almost forgot - Xerox makes copy machines, don't they?

Damn, there's that lie again.

On The Evolution Of The Species

Enough about me. What I want to know is how do YOU pass the time when you're having your bowel movements? Do you just sit there? Do you talk on the phone? Do you read? Oh no, don't tell me you're one of those people who scribble things on the wall. You are? Why? Is it boredom? Is it the illicit thrill of writing forbidden words? Is it because the visceral feel of having your underwear wrapped around your ankles just somehow brings out your natural expressive instincts? Well, I have a theory about this, and like it or not you're gonna hear it.

My theory is that there are three kinds of people in this world. The first are the happy and carefree Bruce Willis types who truly enjoy their bowel movement and joyfully, and sometimes quite poetically, sing its praises. The second are the serious and self-important Jerry Falwell types who find their bowel movement humiliating and dirty and often write cruel, smutty missives full of foul language and hateful speech as a means of venting their feelings of disgust and debasement. There are a lot of those types around these days. And then there is the third type. People like me who find their bowel movement a necessary inconvenience and would rather be done with the process entirely, or at least as quickly as possible. We don't write on the walls of toilet stalls and merely wonder at those who do, generally keeping our opinions to ourselves and spending our creative energies on more urgent and pressing matters.

Like blogging, which, after all, is just the internet equivalent of toilet stall graffiti. Well, this blog is at least.

Anyways, back to the matter at hand, I think it's true that most of us who don't write spend our bowel time reading newspapers and magazines and books and things like that. I know I do and I really get tired of the remark you hear sometimes.

"Geez, what were you doing in there? Reading a Book?"

To which I reply,

"Well...yeah, actually I was. What do you do when you're in there? Draw dirty pictures?"

What can I say. I read when I'm in there, and I think some of my most peaceful literary moments have come while perched upon that throne. Peaceful, that is, when I remember to bring along something to read. Oftentimes I forget and when that happens I usually find the experience anything but peaceful. I don't know if you've ever been in that situation, but when I don't have anything to read in there I desperately start looking around for something to occupy my eyeballs. A medicine bottle, a tube of toothpaste, a can of hairspray - anything. Something with printing on it so that I can get my mind off of the business at hand.

Which brings me to the real subject of this blog. You see, there I was today, sitting in my usual spot with nothing to read and panic setting in, when I turned to the right and what should I see but a stick of anti-perspirant sitting next to the sink. Perfect, I thought, and so I picked it up and started reading.

Warning! For external use only.

Ok, I wasn't planning on eating it anyways.

Uses: Reduces underarm wetness.

Well, that's sort of stating the obvious, isn't it. And then I read the next paragraph.

Active Ingredient: Aluminium zirconium tetrachlorohydrex.

That's when I freaked out. I mean, did you know know that they were putting Aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex in that stuff? I know I didn't, and if I did I certainly would have insisted on an explanation. Can you imagine how you'd feel if you came home and there was some scientist in your bathroom telling you

"Mr. Myers, we have some bad news for you. Our team has detected high concentrations of Aluminium zirconium tetrachlorohydrex in you bathroom."

"Well get it out of there, dammit!"

"Please don't be alarmed Mr. Myers. It's perfectly safe."

"Like hell it is. If you don't get that stuff out of there I'm gonna call the cops, and then I'm call my congressman, and then I'm gonna call my lawyer. You understand what I'm saying to you."

But I'm just being foolish, aren't I? Of course it's safe. A little Aluminium zirconium tetrachlorohydrex never hurt anyone. What it really points out is how strange an animal we human beings really are. I mean, just think about it. You never see apes or monkeys or any of your other lower primates rubbing Aluminium zirconium tetrachlorohydrex over their skin and into their hairy pores, do you. No, of course not. Only homo sapiens does that, and I bet the rest of the animal kingdom has got to be scratching their heads and thinking what a really weird thing that is to do. Just imagine the scene if chimpanzee teachers were to take their students on field trips to the zoo to see the humans on display.

"Teacher, teacher, what's that man doing?"

"Oh well, you see, human beings are very clean animals, dear. When they get up in the morning they always wash themselves off with water and coat their skins with Aluminium zirconium tetrachlorohydrex."

"But why teacher, why?"

"We're not really sure, dear, but we think it part of the mating process. You see, millions of years of evolution have taught male humans that female humans are less likely to reject them as potential mates if they don't smell like day old underwear. We believe that the Aluminium zirconium tetrachlorohydrex helps mask this smell and make the females more receptive to the male's advances."

"I don't understand teacher?"

"Neither do I, dear. But the animal world is full of many strange and mysterious things."

"Yeah, that's really weird. But teacher, if humans are so clean then why is that male over there bending over and picking his toes. Why is he doing that, teacher. Why?"

"Which male? Where dear?"

"Over there teacher. Don't you see him. Eeew, he's picking crud out from under his toenails and sniffing it with his nose. Eeewwww..."

"Oh, yes, I see him. That is disgusting, isn't it. I tell you what - why don't we go over and look at the tigers now. Ok?"

"Eeeeeewwwww...."

Well, I'm sure I've just brushed the surface of this topic. Some of you may want to do some further research on your own so I recommend a visit to www.speedstick.com. It's really a wonderful resource full of FAQ's and product news and even a product selection tool for those of you who may be wondering just what anti-persperant is right for you. One more resource you might try is Colgate World of Care which answers a question I know I've often asked.

"What anti-persperant is rec0mmended for vegetarians?"

Well, if you want to know the answer is here.

Here Comes The Sun

Greetings from Tornado Alley. Yeah, really. We had a tornado here in the Bay Area this past week and it was so weird - one week it's sunny and 85 degrees and the next week we've got rain and wind and tornados and all kinds of crazy stuff happening. Reminded me of that Dennis Quaid movie where everything is normal and we're all just driving around in our SUV's and then all of a sudden the atmosphere starts freezing and the oceans turn to ice and there's tornados in L.A. and planes are crashing and people are dying and there's this big sucking thing happening over Minnesota and we all have to evacuate to Mexico before or we all die and...

Hey, it could happen.

Anyways, I didn't come here to talk about the weather. I came to talk about gift cards, and in particular about a $65.00 gift card I currently have in my wallet for a major electronics store. I got the card last Christmas and I thought it was very nice and thoughtful present and was genuinely grateful to receive it, but the problem is it's almost the end of March now and I still haven't used it. Which brings me to the point I'm trying to make.

Like I said the card is from a well known electronics retailer who I don't want to name or libel in anyways, so let's just call it Pest Pie. There are many Pest Pie stores around the country and they sell a variety of electronic goods ranging from TV's to computers to digital cameras to stereos to cell phones to...well, suffice it to say that if it has anything to do with audio or video or computing they sell it. They are, in fact, an electronics supermarket, and anyone who knows me and my attraction to all things electronic would naturally assume that a Pest Pie gift card would be the perfect Christmas gift, and they would be right. Yet, for some reason, the card still sits in my wallet unused.

What is going on here?

Well, two things really. The first is that it's hard to buy anything at Pest Pie for $65.00. Oh sure, you look at the ads and it looks like there's plenty of stuff to by at that price, but if you look a little closer you see that there is more going on here than meets the eye. For example, in the ad you see the latest electronic wonder gadget selling for a ridiculously low price of just $49.95 and you say "Wow, I can get one of those", but then you look a little closer and you notice that the advertised price is not really the price you are going to be charged. You might have to squint but it's right there in tiny black print at the bottom of the ad.

"In store price $999.95 less $500.00 mfr. mail-in rebate less $300.00 Pest Pie mail-in rebate less $150.00 special promotion mail-in rebate = $49.95 final cost."

Oh, I get it. That $49.95 price is not the real price, that's just the teaser price. In actual dollar terms you $65.00 gift card is still going to leave you about $835.00 short. Well, that's ok, it's just a matter of sending in a form and waiting for the check to come back, right? So then you go to the store and read the rebate offer and they've got all this paperwork for you to fill out and copy and mail in and then they say you've got to allow them 12-15 weeks to process your rebate and send out your check and of course by that time they're hoping you'll have forgotten about it or lost all your paperwork so you won't have any evidence to back you up when you call them up and ask where your rebate check is, and then it dawns on you. What a scam, and apparently a pretty successful one too judging by all the rebate deals they offer. Sheesh, you can't even buy a 50 cent pack of gum at Pest Pie without doing some kind of rebate - "In store price $9.99 less $9.00 mfr. mail-in rebate less $0.49 Pest Pie mail-in rebate = $0.50 final cost."

So that's the first problem I'm having with the gift card. The second and more fundamental problem I'm having is that there is just nothing at Pest Pie that I want to buy. I've been down there a couple of times already and gone all throughout the store and I just can't find anything. I know I've blogged on this before, but it's still true - I've got all the electronics I need and I don't want any more. That $65.00 gift card might as well be for Mary Kay cosmetics for all the good it's doing me. It's just so sad.

So instead of just letting it expire I was thinking maybe I'd get one of those new Sony PSP's that go on sale tomorrow. You know the really cool looking ones. They cost a lot more than $65.00 but the card will give me a nice discount. Unfortunately that's no good either because they'll be sold out of those pretty quick, and besides I don't know what I'd do with a game machine even if I had one. I don't play many videogames anymore and certainly not the console kind, so the fact that I'd even consider buying one just shows how effective the whole Sony hype machine has been. Just think, even people who don't play Playstation games want one. That's good marketing, and I can just see myself camping out in front of the local Pest Pie tonight just so that I can buy the latest cool thing and let it fill the big whole in my life for the next month or two until the next cool thing comes along and leaves me yearning and empty all over again.

You see, that's the way it is when you're an electronics junkie.

Only now I'm thinking maybe I've changed. A $65.00 gift card and no desire to use it. It's kind of spiritual, really, and liberating. Maybe this is a new path, a new beginning, a new...

Oh God, I hope this doesn't mean I'm going to start eating organic foods and listening to Yanni records.

Just Because I've Got Nothing To Talk About That Doesn't Mean I've Got Nothing To Say

By now I'm sure we've all had a chance to finish this month's Opera News so let's discuss it, shall we? Might as well since I don't have much else to blog on tonight.

Let's see, Placido Domingo is on the cover and the big story, of course, is his grueling schedule. It's all old news for Domingo fans but incredible nonetheless. In the span of about a month he sings the title role in Idomeneo in L.A., sings Siegmud in Die Walkure at the Met, conducts Carmen in both New York and L.A., and still fulfills his duties as general director of both the Los Angeles and Washington National Operas. And then you can add to all that all the preparation he is doing for a couple of upcoming projects he has set for later this year. How does he do it?

Glad you asked because I was wondering that myself. No one could possibly do all those things and be all those places without dropping dead from exhaustion. I knew this needed further investigation and I started by picking up the magazine and making a good, careful study his picture on the cover. You know, really look at man, see what makes him tick. And that's when it struck me. The frozen expression, the stiff pose, the strange vacant look in his eyes, it all pointed to one thing -

Placido Domingo is a borg.

Look for yourself if you don't believe me. Sure, I'll admit it's a good disguise, but there is something undeniably borg-like about that picture. Something mechanical and alien and unnatural and one can only wonder how many other borg's are out there in our studios and opera houses. Hmmm, I'll leave that for you to discuss among yourselves.

Continuing on with the Opera News...There is a shocking Der Rosenkavalier exposé on page 31. Turns out that the real 1760's Vienna was nothing at all like the one described in Hugo von Hofmannsthal's libretto. Yeah, really. No kidding. My God, such a scandal! I'm sure we'll see Mike Wallace busting down doors and demanding answers on an upcoming 60 Minutes. Oh well. I love the magazine but sometimes it seems like opera people get themselves worked up over the littlest things. I think they need outside hobbies.

Ok, continuing on...Here's an interesting little item on page 37. The Houston Grand Opera is announcing it's 50th Anniversary Gala Concert with Renee Fleming, Elton John, and others TBA. Wait a second did I read that right? Renee Fleming and Elton John? Elton John? Not that "Elton John"? Geez, when did he make his operatic debut? I don't know about you but I'm not exactly sure which would be scarier - Elton John singing "E lucevan le stelle" or Renee Fleming singing "Crocodile Rock". Just pick your poison I guess. Oh well, I'm sure it'll all work out, and besides we all know that Sir Elton is a bona fide opera luminary now that he has taken that awful Aida score that Verdi wrote and re-worked it as a Disney extravaganza. Bravo, I say, bravo Elton.

Anything else to talk about in the Opera News...not really. Just the usual back of the book kind of stuff. You know, subscription offers and opera tours and things like that, although I can never figure out why anyone would want to go all the way to Milan or Prague just to see an opera. Seems like an expensive night out to me and a bit unnecessary. I guess if you need an excuse to go to Prague then an opera is as good an excuse as any, but it does seem to add to this image of opera goers as rich and spoiled (and they wonder why so many people are turned off by opera). Personally, for myself, I say if you want to go to the opera then go to the opera. Don't worry that you aren't rich enough or haven't read enough books, and don't think you have to travel all the way to Milan or Prague just to see a good one.

There, got that off my chest.

Last but not least I guess we should turn to page 13. Now isn't that a lovely young soprano there, and isn't it nice to see a singer who doesn't have a weight problem for a change. I certainly don't want to make a big deal out of this and I'm certainly not someone to be talking about other people's weight problems. Operatic stars should be judged on their singing and acting, not their dress size, and yet it's hard not to notice the heft and bulk of many of the people you see on opera stages or, even worse, on opera DVD's. If you've seen any opera at all I know you know what I'm talking about. It's almost like a tradition. Ballet stars are anorexics and operatic stars are 300 pound diabetics. Well, Sarah Coburn (the soprano on page 13) doesn't seem to have that problem. Not yet anyways and let's hope she keeps it up. Besides, she's kind of a looker.

So that's the the March Issue of Opera News. Yeah, I know, kind of a pathetic blog. Sorry to waste your time, but I think I've got a scoop with that Placido Domingo thing. Can't wait for the wire services to pick up on it.

The Big Broadcast Of 2005

As much as I'd like to say that I've got the new religion, that I've caught the podcasting fever, I'm afraid I'm beginning to have my doubts. Yes there are some shows I like and yes I like the convenience of being able to time shift the content to fit my schedule, but more and more I just get this feeling that podcasting will never be the next big thing.

Maybe I should backup first and explain what I'm talking about.

Podcasting, for those of you who may not be familiar with the term, is a means of distributing radio over the internet. Unlike the streams which are typical of traditional internet radio, podcasts are distributed as simple mp3 files. This means that instead of tuning in to a station at a particular time to hear a broadcast, a podcast listener can store the audio file on his computer or device and play back or "time shift" the content at his or her convenience. Strictly speaking this is not a new concept and companies such as Audible.com have long offered radio shows and audiobooks for download at their sites, however podcasting offers some important differences.

The first is that podcasts are free. Sites such as Audible.com charge for their content and encrypt their downloads to prevent unauthorized copying and distributi0n. Podcasts have no such restrictions and do not charge for their content. Their files are in the common mp3 format, the lingua franca of the digital audio world, and playable on just about every conceivable computer and device currently in existence. Audible's content will only play on machines authorized to receive Audible content and licensed to receive the specific show or book being downloaded. This all relates to a concept called DRM (Digital Rights Management) that I will talk about later.

The second important difference is the means of distribution. Podcasts are not distributed through a central server or website like Audible.com but rather through a method known as syndication. To put it in very simple terms, to receive podcasts a listener needs to subscribe to a providers "feed" (commonly called an RSS feed) which will deliver the content to his computer as it becomes available, much like a magazine that arrives in the mail each month. That subscription, in turn, is handled separately by a free program such as Ipodder or Doppler which the user downloads and installs on his computer. It is this software which manages the subcription(s) and keeps the downloaded podcasts up to date and organized. If this sounds complicated, it's not. The software does most of the dirty work.

Of course what this all means to the user is portablility. As I mentioned before podcasts are simply mp3 files which are playable on just about any portable device. This means that rather than being tied to a computer to listen to your internet radio, you can download the shows to your mp3 player or similar device and take the show with you. Podcasting isn't unique in this and sites such Audible.com and Napster also allow you to download their content to portable devices, but with restrictions and for a fee. There are no restrictions on podcasts and everyone is free to create, listen to and distribute them as they wish.

So what's the problem? Podcasting sounds great, doesn't it?

Actually, there is no problem. Podcasting is great, and it really exploits this whole idea "narrowcasting" or niche programming. That is, because it's free and often a labor of love, podcasting encourages all sorts of enthusiasts and hobbyists and assorted oddballs to offer programs that would never be aired over conventional radio. One of my favorite's is a half-hour show called Dave's Ipaq dedicated solely to Hewlett Packard PDA's. It's done by guy named Dave Ciccone who also runs a website of the same name, and although the show is very well done it's probably not of much interest to anyone who doesn't own an Ipaq or other Pocket PC. Another favorite of mine is EarlySound which features music of the Renaissance and Early Baroque. It is hosted by a robot named Mr. Sauterne (yes, like the wine) and is a concept so imaginative and weird that no professional media company would ever consider doing it. Unfortunately only one show has been done so far, although I'm hoping there are more to come.

Of course, amateur radio being amateur radio there are also plenty of shows that are a complete waste of time. Take for instance a show I once downloaded that started off with some high school or junior high school kid making fart noises into his microphone (a concept that was probably funnier on paper than it was on the air). I'm sure his friends got a kick out of it but I didn't stick around to hear the rest of the hilarious goings-on. Or how about the show where the guy just kept banging the microphone on his desk. That was a good one. I guess he was having sound troubles because he sounded like he was about a mile and half away. You couldn't hear a word he was saying and that would have been bad enough, but all the time he was recording he kept fiddling with things and making these really irritating banging and rubbing sounds as he moved the microphone back and forth across his desk. Sheesh. Thirty seconds of that and I filed it straight into the recycle bin.

Yeah, this podcasting is a new frontier all right, it's unpredictable and it's fun but I don't think it will ever go mainstream. I didn't used to think that. I mean I was seduced at first like all the others, but as I listen to more and more of these things I realize it's strictly a sideshow. Why? Because although it might be new and exciting right now, eventually most of these amateurs are going to tire of podcasting and move on to something else. They're going to run out of ideas and begin to repeat themselves, and they're going to wonder if it's worth all the work involved. Especially if there's no money to be made.

And money's the big reason podcasting will never go big time.

There's simply no way to make a profit from it. What are these podcaster's going to do - find sponsor's and sell ads? How? Unless Congress makes the fast-forward button illegal (and I wouldn't put it past 'em) then ad's aren't going to work. It simply too easy to skip them. What will the podcasters do then? Are they going to start charging for their subscriptions? How can they do that without some kind of DRM. If they can't control the distribution of their content then how can they charge for subscriptions? And if they do start DRM'ing their content then they're not podcasting anymore - they''re just the same as Audible or Napster.

Nope. Without a path to profitabilty (I think that's what the business geeks call it) the big guys are never going to buy the podcasting concept and the little guys are just going to get tired and fade away. Sure, some of the more successful websites will maintain podcasts as an adjunct to their core content and there will be radio stations offering bits and pieces of their programming as a way to reach a larger audience, but the idea of a little guy starting with nothing more than a microphone and a computer and building a media empire is just childish fantasy.

At least at this point it is.

Anywhere You Go It's The Same Thing
(Money Worries, Money Troubles)

According to the Murky News (that would be the San Jose Mercury News for all the non-locals out there) it turns out that I am living in the most affluent community in America. As they reported earlier this week, the median household income for Santa Clara County (that would be the Silicon Valley for all the non-locals out there) is somewhere around $70,000, a good $11,000 more than our nearest rivals. So how does it feel to be so affluent, you might ask, well I'll tell 'ya.

For starters the houses are a little cramped and the yards are a little small, but then who can afford one anyways. Some people can, but at a median Bay Area price of $666,000 most are left out in the cold. Just do the math. A $600,000 mortgage with a 5.75% interest rate for a 30 year term leaves you paying a mere $3,484.74 a month. That's around $42,000 a year or about 2/3 of the median households $70,000 yearly gross income. But wait, we're the most affluent people in America, the Murky News said so, so you know that can't be right. Especially since that 2/3 doesn't even include property taxes and insurance. I must have multiplied somewhere when I should have divided.

That's ok because everything else is cheap. Take gas, for example. Well, on second thought that's not a very good example. Hmmm, well take utilities then. No, that's not a very good example either. Insurance? Health Care? Transportation? College for the kids? Geez, there must be something that we can buy with all this affluence (besides 60 rolls of toilet paper at Costco).

I'll think of something.

You know, when you get right down to it $70,000 a year won't buy you a whole lot in the Santa Clara Valley. It'll put a roof over your head and a little food in your belly, but if you want to own anything around here you better be making double that, and even then you'll still standing in line at Costco along with the rest of us. If you're thinking about moving here and joining in on all this affluence - don't say I didn't warn you.

But enough of that. Let's talk about who'll replace Dan Rather instead.

Have they made an announcement yet? I haven't heard anything although there have been rumors on the internet. But, I mean really, c'mon. Donald Trump? Paris Hilton? Kofi Annan? I'll believe it when I see it.

If it was up to me to choose (which of course it isn't) I think I'd go for a urban anchor. I say that because I was listening to Terry Gross do an interview with the RZA the other day and I think he'd be a great choice for the Evening News, and I mean I'm dead serious about this. We've got plenty of white males doing the national news these days so why not give a person with a different perspective a chance. It would certainly give a whole new meaning to the nightly "rap"-up, I can tell you that, and probably wouldn't be bad for the ratings either.

(This should be the point in my blog where I write some kind of news "rap" to illustrate my point but I'm not going to do that. Look, I'm old, I'm half-japanese, and old japanese guys don't rap. Sorry, but I'm sure you can see my point. Anyways, it's been a long week)

They'll never let an urban black guy do the news, though, so we're probably just gonna get another white guy. Why is that? They could at least give the job to a woman or an old japanese guy instead. I know I'd like to see that, and there are certainly a lot of qualified people who aren't white and male who could do the job. Susie Gharib, Gwen Ifill, or how about Terry Gross? TV is just radio with a camera sticking in your face.

Take a chance, CBS, and do something different.

Oh well, plus ca change...

Is It Just Me Or Do I Feel A Draft

Isn't it great that baseball has finally put to rest all those steroid rumors that have been hounding it all winter. Now, at last, we can get the crime news out of the sports pages and back into the business section where it belongs. And speaking of Worldcom, doesn't it just confirm what hundreds of millions of working people have been secretly wondering ever since the dawn of the modern megacorporation began. Namely, just what exactly does the boss really do all day?

At Worldcom, apparently, not a whole heck of a lot. Let's face it, the night janitor probably knew more about what was happening inside that company than poor old Bernie Ebbers. The guy was just an innocent dupe. It was hard work keeping track of all the millions and millions of salary and stock options he was raking in year after year- you can't expect him to spend time actually running the company or staying on top of a billion or so dollars worth of fraud can you? Let's be reasonable here.

Yeah, poor Bernie. I feel for the guy, but that's not what I want to talk about.

I want to talk about naked opera singers. Yeah, I know, I know, you're probably sick of it. Seems every other blog you read nowdays just wants to go on and on about some naked tenor or mezzo or something like that, and it's not like I can really add anything new, but you know this is an important topic. It deserves it's place on the internet.

So what I'm thinking is that it's really hard to ignore a naked opera singer. Think about it. There you are watching an opera and the drama is intense, the music is inspired, and the singing is breathtakingly beautiful, and then all of a sudden one of the singers takes her clothes off. How are you supposed to react to something like that? Do you hoot and holler? Do you modestly avert your gaze? No, of course not. If you're truly the refined and cultured patron of the arts you think you are then the obvious thing to do is simply pretend you don't see it. But that's hard to do.

"Enjoying the opera?"

"Why yes, it's wonderful. But I was wondering, why is the soprano naked?"

"The soprano?"

"Yes, up there on the stage."

"Naked?"

"Yes, don't you see her. She doesn't have any clothes on."

"Oh, wait a minute, hold on here, I think you're right. By George she is naked isn't she."

"You mean you didn't notice."

"Me? No. You see I find the whole experience of the opera so ennobling and enriching, so elegant and refined, that I don't even notice such frivolous things. After all, what's a pretty young girl to me when there is Strauss in the air, even if she is naked? No, for a truly enlightened man such bawdiness is merely primitive and base and of no more interest than a speck on a wall."

"Oh, you are good and just and true."

"There there, my dear, there there."

Yes, I suppose that's how I should react, but I seem be made of coarser stuff. I want to be noble - really I do. It's just that when I'm watching the DVD and I see the soprano get naked those noble thoughts don't come to mind. Instead I start thinking "Wow -look at that!!", and for some reason I don't care about the music or the singing or the drama anymore - I just want the camera to shift a little to the left so I can get a better look. Call me crass, call me crude, but that's the way it is.

And that's why I think maybe it would be better for all involved if the singers just kept their clothes on. Not that I'm a prude mind you, but it makes for a less of a distraction if you're not sitting there in the audience or in front of the TV with your tongue wagging and your eyes bugging out. You kind of lose track of things when that happens.

If you don't believe me then go watch soprano Maria Ewing starring in Strauss' Salome. It's on DVD and after you've seen it tell me how much of the opera you remember after she does her Dance of the Seven Veils.

Yeah, uh-huh...liar!

I Love You California

March is here, the sun is shining, and spring is just around the corner- all in all it's not so bad living in California. Especially when you look at the news and see those poor folks back east suffering through the wind and cold and ice and snow - it must be tough for them. And I know they resent people like me who live out here in the Bay Area where it's sunny and warm. I know they call us shallow and narcissistic and pampered and all sorts of nasty things. Yeah, it hurts. Yeah, I feel guilty, but it doesn't last long. After a while I get used to it and do what all Californians do. I just say "Who cares - I'm going to the beach."

But listen if it will make any of those New Yorkers or Bostonians out there feel any better then at least you can get a little satisfaction from knowing that here in California we're expecting a little storm of our own tonight. No snow or ice, mind you, but the weatherman says we could get a quarter of inch of rain and the temperatures could drop all the way down into the lower fifties.

You see we have our hard winters too.

Speaking of California, have I talked about the great rise and fall of the man they called the "governator" yet? I d0n't think the national press had got hold of the story so in case you haven't heard let me fill you in. Let's see, where was I? Oh yeah, if I remember correctly when last we left Arnold he was riding the crest of a wave, a sort of 'Mr. Schwarzenegger Goes to Washington, er Sacramento' figure who had entered politics to reform the system and loosen the stranglehold of party politics and special interests over state government. Remember? Well, that's all different now.

If you've read this blog in the past (and I can't imagine y0u have but, who knows, I may have one lonely reader out there) then you'll remember I was enthusiastic about the new governor's ambitions to energize state government back then but also admonished him to leave the public schools alone. No one, I felt, not even Arnold Schwarzenegger would be foolhardy enough to commit political suicide by taking on the state's education establishment, particularly the formidable 9000 pound gorilla of California politics, the California Teachers Association.

Well, sorry to say, Arnold didn't listen.

I don't know why he didn't listen to me. I figure it's probably because he read that editorial in Barron's a while back that pointed out how the U.S. leads all the other industrialized nations in per capita spending on education and yet seems to have the least to show for it. In fact, the editorial pointed out we don't just spend a little more, we spend a lot more per capita. Why is it, they asked, that we spend so much to attain such meager results? I guess after reading the article the governor probably got ambitious and decided it was time for Californians to start asking questions ourselves.

So off he went on his little crusade to try to find out what is really wrong with California schools, to find out if the problem wasn't just a matter of spending more money but also a matter of how the money is spent. It was a brave thing to do, I'll admit, and yet incredibly naive at the same time. For someone who is supposed to have some political savvy and be surrounded by some of the savviest people in the business, it just seemed a peculiar thing to do.

The first news of the governors education reforms that most Californians got was from the local newscasts. You knew he was in trouble when you listened to the broadcasts and they all announced it like "The governor began his assault on California's children today by unveiling his...". Of course when the state's democrats heard this they felt like they just found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Up till then Arnold had been riding high in the polls and winning the support of both Republicans and Democrats, but after he decided to take on the schools he wasn't nearly so bulletproof anymore.

The plan mainly consisted of smaller than expected increases in education spending coupled with reforms to base teacher pay on merit rather than tenure. The public's reaction to the meager increases in spending was a predictable "Just because we're broke doesn't mean we shouldn't spend more money", while the CTA's reaction to the merit pay proposal was "This governor is trying to demonize teachers." Soon everyone huddled together in a kind of "we've got to protect our children" formation and the governor's goose was pretty much cooked.

Meanwhile, back at the statehouse, there wasn't a Democrat to be found. Before the governors proposal came out you couldn't walk ten feet without tripping over a Democrat trying to get his face on TV and shoot a few holes in the 'governator', but after the proposal they all just seemed to disappear. Where did they all go, we wondered, even though we knew they were just laying back and enjoying the sight of the once high and mighty reformer being eaten alive by his own political ineptitude. "Yes, yes, yes", you could hear them chuckling to themselves, "how could he be so stupid?"

And so Arnold started to sink in the polls. His approval ratings are still good, but not what they were, and if he continues to push the voters towards a decision between their children and Conan The Barbarian, well, all I can say is it will be a sad end for a once promising political career. Of course if he has any brains at all he'll walk away from this school thing and try to get some of his other reforms through. Whatever happens, though, let this just be a lesson for all those who seek higher office in California-

Don't mess with the schools.

If you've got to shut down the prisons, close the hospitals, and lay off every policeman and fireman in California, just do it. If you've got to sell the state parks, close the freeways, and leave every widow and orphan to go begging, just do it. If you've got to borrow from your parents, your children, your brothers, your sisters, and every aunt, uncle, nephew and cousin you can find, just do it.

Just don't mess with the schools.

And so that's the news from sunny California where the coffers are empty, the mortgage is past due, and governor hates children.