Warm Up The Radio Uncle Ben - Old Man Radio Is On The Air.

When last we spoke I was a mere blogger, but now, I'm happy to say, I am a genuine, certified, bona fide radio broadcaster. Yep, you heard me right - I'm on the air, er sort of. You see, instead of just listening to podcasts and making an occasional comment about them, I decided to take the plunge myself by joining the podcasting world and making my very own podcast.

Yippee! Hooray! Old Man Radio is on the air!

You like the name? Yeah, me neither but you know I'm an old man and it's a radio show so the name seemed just seemed to fit. Anyways, recording it was a lot of fun in a frustrating, "can someone please tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do" kind of way. I used a program called Propoganda to record it, not because it's such a great program but because it was the only program I could figure out how to use, and I found a little company that was willing to host it for me with 100 megs of storage and unlimited bandwidth for 5 bucks a month.

And that was all there was to that.

You know it's true what they say about podcasting being so easy to do that anyone can do it. Unfortunately what they don't tell you is that it's easy for anyone to do, but even easier for them to do it badly. At least that was true in my case and I'm finding out fast that a good podcast involves a little more work than just recording and posting. Yes, I had more than my share of "technical difficulties", but that's all part of the learning process and I'm too stubborn to quit just because I made a fool of myself.

But like I said it was still lots of fun doing the show and I'm pretty sure I'm going to do some more. I've listened to it a couple of dozen times now and I think it's pretty good for the most part. At least the music is, I'm not so sure about the announcer. I need to put a little more enthusiasm into my voice or something, or at least try not to sound so morose and close to my death bed when I talk. Geez, I've been listening to this thing and I sound like somebody just ran over my dog. "Put a smile in your voice" - isn't that what they always say?

Oh well, I can work on that too - it's all just part of the debugging process, isn't it. In case you're wondering what the show is about it's a music show featuring acoustic songs I've downloaded off the net. I call it "podsafe music from the quiet side of the internet". Kind of catchy, huh? I should explain that "podsafe" is the term used to describe promotional music that bands from around the world have uploaded to the net to be distributed free of charge. It's a good way of getting themselves known and generating buzz, and a lot of it is just as good as anything you'll hear on the radio or purchase in the music store. My show plays the best acoustic stuff I can find, and it's done in a very laidback, relaxing style that I think anyone over the age of 40 would probably enjoy. At least that's what I'm shooting for.

Anyways, I hope you'll give it a listen. I'm trying to get the show added to the all the major podcast directories and for some reason I keep getting this awful feeling that they're going to listen to this podcast and say "What? You want us to add THAT to our directory? Are you out of your mind? I mean, our standards may be low but c'mon, they're still standards." But then again,who knows. Maybe they'll go ahead and add me anyways and soon millions of netizens around the world will be downloading my podcast and saying "Yes! That's just the podcast I've been looking for."

That's my fantasy anyways.

If you want to check it out then just add this link to your aggregator:

http://oldmanradio.libsyn.com/rss

Or, if you want to listen directly go to oldmanradio.com and click on the Direct Download link shown under Podcast 1. There's also a comments section there if you want to let me know what you really think of it.

And that's the show for tonight. Be sure to tune in again next week for another episode of Old Man Radio, podsafe music from the quiet side of the internet. This is Tony Myers signing off and wishing you all a Happy Father's Day.

And Now For A Word From Our Sponser...

How strange is this? When the Michael Jackson story broke I didn't find out about it on the TV or the radio, I read about it on my cellphone. I don't know if that strikes y0u as strange but it seems pretty bizarre to me. Just imagine how far we've come.

In the old days you probably got your news by going into town on market day and taking in the local gossip. Then when literacy came around newspapers and magazines were added to the mix. Pretty soon the 20th century added radio and television, and now here we are in the 21st century and it's the internet that's finally becoming the dominant source of news. In fact Reuters is reporting that 1/5 of all newspaper readers are now reading their papers online.

What are we to make of this? I don't have a clue, but things are changing fast, and now with this new Smartphone of mine I'm able to carry the newspaper in my pocket and read it anyplace I can make a wireless phone call. And in fact it's better than a newspaper because just like the radio or CNN it's updated continuously throughout the day, and using SMS messages it can even push the days top stories to me on either a pre-scheduled or ad-hoc basis. Yeah, I know this is nothing new to all those veteran cellphone users out there, but, remember, I'm not a geek so this is all new to me. And besides...

This is so cool!

Of course if I was in the newspaper business I might not be feeling the thrill of it all. I mean, I'm probably what the newspapers would consider the prime demographic for newspaper readership and yet I hardly even read the paper anymore. In the morning I fire up my computer and go straight to my "My Yahoo" homepage for all the latest news in the topics I'm most interested in, during the day I keep myself updated by downloading the news to my cellphone, and at night I get in-depth reports from the gang over at PBS and local news from my local TV stations. Geez, who needs the newspaper anymore?

Yep, the times they are a-changing and I for one am all for it. I like having my news come to me, and I like that it's timely, and I like being able to read it wherever and whenever it's convenient for me. Really, when you stop and think about it, the only advantage that newspapers still have is their ability to focus locally and bring me more in-depth, feature type stories about things that are happening in the neighborhood and local community. In every other way the new media are eating their lunch.

So, what can I say except that I love my SMT5600 Smartphone. It's kind of in that middleground between a plain old cellphone and a full-fledged PDA and I like that. I never really wanted a cellphone just to talk on, and I've already got a PDA so I couldn't really see spending $500 on another on just so that I could stick it up to my ear and and talk to Aunt Mabel with it. The SMT5600 is just a good little multimedia device/cellphone that fits my needs to a T. It organizes, it plays media, it makes phone calls, it connects to the net, and if they could have figured out a way to put a little keyboard on it then it would have been just about perfect. As it stands now, you can't really do email or any kind of heavy surfing with it, but like I mentioned in an earlier post you can use it as a bluetooth modem and connect it to a laptop or PDA when the need arises.

And it's only $100.00 (with 2 year activation - ugh).

In case you're wondering what sort of news I can get here's a sampler: CNN, CBS Marketwatch, the NY Times, AP News, Bloomberg, Yahoo, Google, ESPN, CBS Sportsline, SI, E! Online, Premier, Hollywood.com, The Weather Channel, Accuweather, Mapquest, etc... as well as horoscopes and travel guides and all sorts of miscellaneous content. But since it's a Smartphone that means it also has a built-in web browser so I can go to a place like Skeezer.net and get mobile access to all kinds of sites like NPR or the Wall Street Journal as well. In theory I should also be able to go to audio sites and download podcasts and audio streams but I'm not having much luck with that. The device is certainly capable of playing audio and video and sounds pretty good with the included headphones, but I think the connection just isn't fast enough or maybe there's some other network reason why I'm having so many problems downloading audio. If and when 3G ever gets here that might all change, but in the meantime you can always just download audio and video to your computer and sync it over with Activesync. I've tried it and it works just fine.

Well, that's my little SMT5600 commercial. When the Windows Mobile 5 devices start showing up later this year I'll probably wish I'd waited a little longer before buying, but it's hard to argue with the price or the features you can get right now.

Que Sera, Sera

In the world of financial crystal ball gazing the "collapse of the markets" has simply got to be the hottest thing going. The theory, in case you haven't heard, goes something like this: The baby-boomers are going to retire, and then they're going to sell their stocks and dump billions and billions of shares into the financial markets, and then the financial markets are going to collapse from the accumulated weight, and then we're all going to be destitute and eating out of garbage cans. It's inevitable, you see, and people everywhere are talking about it.

Too bad it's a bunch of bull, but even so there I was watching the Wall Street Journal Report (a fine show, by the way) and wouldn't you know it they had this professor of finance is up there and...

Maria: Professor, in your new book you predict dire things to come for investors in the years ahead. Can you explain why you think things look so bleak?

Tweedy Professor: Well, Maria, the baby-boomers are going to retire and sell their stocks and there's not going to be anybody around to buy them all.

Maria: Oh, I see. Then you think that the baby-boomers are the last generation that will ever want to own financial assets?

Tweedy Professor: Yes, that's right. After the baby-boomers retire no one will want to save and invest anymore. When that happens the financial markets will collapse and we'll all be living in poverty and despair.

Maria: Interesting... (Maria says that a lot)

Tweedy Professor: There simply won't be any money left after the markets collapse.

Maria: Sure, there's no money so there's no one to buy stocks. Interesting. Let's turn now to my other guest to get his reaction. You're an investment advisor. What are you telling your clients? Is it the end of the world?

Nattily Attired Investment Professional: No, we don't think so. (Nattily Attired Investment Professionals always say "we" instead of "I"). We've looked at the problem and we're actually quite bullish.

Maria: But you just heard what the tweedy professor said.

Nattily Attired Investment Professional: Yes, and quite frankly we think the professor has a drug problem.

Maria: Drug problem professor? Or do you think the Nattily Attired Investment Professional is being too optomistic?

Tweedy Professor: Yes

Maria: Yes what? Yes to the drug problem or yes to being overly optomistic?

Tweedy Professor: Both

Maria: Ok then, let me toss it back to you. You've heard the professor admit he has a drug problem but he still thinks the world is coming to an end. What is your response?

Nattily Attired Investment Professional: Maria, we're not going to run out of investors. Sure there'll be poverty and despair but the fact is that the rich continue to get richer - filthy rich, in fact, and when you've got that much money, well, there are only so many things you can buy. We think that going forward there will be plenty of investment opportunites for that 1% of the population.

Maria: Professor, what about that? Sure there'll be poverty and despair but there are also gonna be a lot of money in the hands of the super rich.

Tweedy Pr0fessor: First let me clarify what I said earlier Maria. Yes I use drugs but it's not a problem. I'm only chippin' and I assure you I can stop whenever I want. Now, about the whole concentration of wealth question.

Maria: Yes, professor. Let's face it, there are only so many mansions and yachts and private jets you can own before you start to get bored with it all. Won't these people still be investors?

Tweedy Professor: Well, that's a good point Maria. Sure, the super rich will continue to invest in the financial markets. But we're only talking about 1% of the population here.

Nattily Attired Investment Professional: Yes, but that 1% has 99% of the money.

Tweedy Professor: Yes, but will they be investing in the U.S. markets, especially if those markets are in decline because of the intense selling pressure brought on by this upcoming wave of retiring baby-boomers. I think you'll see them looking to overseas markets instead where the growth rates will be much higher.

Maria: Sounds pretty thin professor. Ok, Mr. Nattily Attired Investment Professional we'll let you have the last word on this subject.

Nattily Attired Investment Professional: Whether you buy or whether you sell - we still get our cut.

Maria: Well said, and I'm sure we'll want to have you both back on the show to continue this discussion. Mr. Tweedy Professor and Mr. Nattily Attired Investment Professional, thank you both for being on the show.

Tweedy Professor: Thank you Maria.

Nattily Attired Investment Professinal: Thank you.

Maria: Coming up next. The housing market - Is there a Bubble? We'll talk to a leading financial columnist to get his views on why he thinks the real estate market will collapse and we'll all be living in poverty and despair and eating out of garbage cans. That and more coming up on the Wall Street Street Journal Report. I'm Maria Bartiromo. Be sure to stay tuned.

Oh Black Water Keep on Rollin'

Do you like your water company? I like mine and you know why - every year they send out an Annual Water Quality Report to all their customers on the safety and cleanliness of the County's water supply. I mean, in this modern age isn't it reassuring to know that a nameless, faceless bureaucracy like the San Jose Water Company really does care about it's customers and really does want to take the time to sit down with them and ease their tap water fears? You bet it is, and that's why when my copy of the "Annual Water Quality Report 2004" came in this month's bill, I, like so many others, couldn't wait to open it up and tear right in. And let me tell ya', now that I've read it I'm convinced that not even the dryness of a Saharan summer or the infernal fires of hell could ever persuade me to drink another glass of their water again. Not in this county anyways.

Not that the SJWC ever intended anyone to really read the report, mind you. In fact just getting through the first paragraph was enough to tie any normal brain into knots. Geez, if you want to inform consumers don't send us them a document that looks like it was written by a committee of chemists and engineers and biologists (and their lawyers) - send them something readable. I'm betting that most people who actually do take the time to read it will make it about as far as the second paragraph before they skip ahead to the charts and illustrations. At least that's what I did.

Let's go through it together, shall we?

Let's see, where do we start. Well here's a pretty blue and green picture on the last page that shows Santa Clara County and the sources of it's drinking water. Hmmm, what a pretty little picture, and it looks like I'm in the blue area which, according to the Legend, means I'm drinking imported surface water. Yum-yum, surface water - now that sounds tasty. I hope by that they are referring to water that's been stored in surface reservoirs (as opposed to underground wells) and not water that's run-off of surface streets and into ditches and rain gutters. I'm sure that's what they mean but I'll be damned if I'm going to go back through the report and try to find an explanation.

Well, anyways, that's interesting. I always wondered where my water came from and I'm glad that I'm in the pretty blue area and not the ugly green one, even if I am drinking surface water. Turning back a few pages I also see they've also included a nice little chart. Gee, I like charts. It's called "Primary Standards - Mandatory Health related Standards". Across the horizontal axis they've set out the Units, MCL's and PHG's or MCLG's and down the verticle axis they've listed the parameters in their study. What a boon to consumers eh? Why just imagine all the times you've sat over your morning cup of coffee and wondered just how many PHG's of Radionuclides there were in that little cup.

Well continuing down the left hand side of the chart comes we finally come to the good part. This is where they list all the stuff that's in your tap water, and my advice would be to stop reading at that point and just be glad you don't know what's in there. But being the damn fool I am I can't help myself so here goes. Here's what we got: Aluminum, Arsenic, Barium, Beryllium, Chromium, Fluoride (good for your teeth), Nitrate, Selenium, something called Gross Alpha Activity (15 MCL's of that but O PHG's, thank goodness), Radon, Dichloroethylene, Trichloroethane, Total Trihalomethanes, Haloacetic Acids, Coliform Bacteria, Lead, Copper and of course Chlorine, Choride, Iron, Sodium, Sulfate, Zinc and Manganese.

Gee, is that all. I was worried there might be some foreign substances in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying. "What are you getting so paranoid about. Don't you know that it's perfectly normal to have Halocetic acids in your water? Why, even spit has more Trihalomethanes and Radionuclides than tap water does (not to mention Gross Alpha Activity). It's nothing to be concerned about so why don't you quit your whining and deal with it." Well, alright, I hear you and I'm not whining. I'm jus a little concerned that's all. I thought tap water was just, you know, water. H2O and maybe a few little buggies swimming around. I never really stopped to consider there might be Arsenic and Radon and Trichloromethanes floating around in there too. And now that I know, I kinda wish I didn't.

You know?

But I'm not whining and since I can't make heads or tails of this chart anyways I guess it must be okay. They wouldn't publish this stuff unless the water was ok - right? But then again... what about some of these other things? What are Nephelometric Turbidity Units anyways? And why are these Unregulated Contaminants listed? Boron? Vanadium? Hexavalent Chromium? Aeromonas? Shouldn't they be regulating that stuff?

Oh man, I don't feel so thirsty anymore. Honestly, I wish the SJWC wouldn't send me anymore consumer information. Ignorance is highly underrated and I think I would have been happy just to pay the bill.

Oh Black Water Keep on Rollin'

Do you like your water company? I like mine and you know why - every year they send out an Annual Water Quality Report to all their customers on the safety and cleanliness of the County's water supply. I mean, in this modern age isn't it reassuring to know that a nameless, faceless bureaucracy like the San Jose Water Company really does care about it's customers and really does want to take the time to sit down with them and ease their tap water fears? You bet it is, and that's why when my copy of the "Annual Water Quality Report 2004" came in this month's bill, I, like so many others, couldn't wait to open it up and tear right in. And let me tell ya', now that I've read it I'm convinced that not even the dryness of a Saharan summer or the infernal fires of hell could ever persuade me to drink another glass of their water again. Not in this county anyways.

Not that the SJWC ever intended anyone to really read the report, mind you. In fact just getting through the first paragraph was enough to tie any normal brain into knots. Geez, if you want to inform consumers don't send us them a document that looks like it was written by a committee of chemists and engineers and biologists (and their lawyers) - send them something readable. I'm betting that most people who actually do take the time to read it will make it about as far as the second paragraph before they skip ahead to the charts and illustrations. At least that's what I did.

Let's go through it together, shall we?

Let's see, where do we start. Well here's a pretty blue and green picture on the last page that shows Santa Clara County and the sources of it's drinking water. Hmmm, what a pretty little picture, and it looks like I'm in the blue area which, according to the Legend, means I'm drinking imported surface water. Yum-yum, surface water - now that sounds tasty. I hope by that they are referring to water that's been stored in surface reservoirs (as opposed to underground wells) and not water that's run-off of surface streets and into ditches and rain gutters. I'm sure that's what they mean but I'll be damned if I'm going to go back through the report and try to find an explanation.

Well, anyways, that's interesting. I always wondered where my water came from and I'm glad that I'm in the pretty blue area and not the ugly green one, even if I am drinking surface water. Turning back a few pages I also see they've also included a nice little chart. Gee, I like charts. It's called "Primary Standards - Mandatory Health related Standards". Across the horizontal axis they've set out the Units, MCL's and PHG's or MCLG's and down the verticle axis they've listed the parameters in their study. What a boon to consumers eh? Why just imagine all the times you've sat over your morning cup of coffee and wondered just how many PHG's of Radionuclides there were in that little cup.

Well continuing down the left hand side of the chart comes we finally come to the good part. This is where they list all the stuff that's in your tap water, and my advice would be to stop reading at that point and just be glad you don't know what's in there. But being the damn fool I am I can't help myself so here goes. Here's what we got: Aluminum, Arsenic, Barium, Beryllium, Chromium, Fluoride (good for your teeth), Nitrate, Selenium, something called Gross Alpha Activity (15 MCL's of that but O PHG's, thank goodness), Radon, Dichloroethylene, Trichloroethane, Total Trihalomethanes, Haloacetic Acids, Coliform Bacteria, Lead, Copper and of course Chlorine, Choride, Iron, Sodium, Sulfate, Zinc and Manganese.

Gee, is that all. I was worried there might be some foreign substances in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying. "What are you getting so paranoid about. Don't you know that it's perfectly normal to have Halocetic acids in your water? Why, even spit has more Trihalomethanes and Radionuclides than tap water does (not to mention Gross Alpha Activity). It's nothing to be concerned about so why don't you quit your whining and deal with it." Well, alright, I hear you and I'm not whining. I'm jus a little concerned that's all. I thought tap water was just, you know, water. H2O and maybe a few little buggies swimming around. I never really stopped to consider there might be Arsenic and Radon and Trichloromethanes floating around in there too. And now that I know, I kinda wish I didn't.

You know?

But I'm not whining and since I can't make heads or tails of this chart anyways I guess it must be okay. They wouldn't publish this stuff unless the water was ok - right? But then again... what about some of these other things? What are Nephelometric Turbidity Units anyways? And why are these Unregulated Contaminants listed? Boron? Vanadium? Hexavalent Chromium? Aeromonas? Shouldn't they be regulating that stuff?

Oh man, I don't feel so thirsty anymore. Honestly, I wish the SJWC wouldn't send me anymore consumer information. Ignorance is highly underrated and I think I would have been happy just to pay the bill.

And That's The Way It Is

There's always this temptation to say the internet changes everything. I don't know why in the year 2005 anyone is still saying that, but there are those who do. Particularly the old-timers (like me) who keep trying to redefine the internet in terms of all that came before, to redefine the new in terms of the old, calling internet auctions the new "marketplace" or blogs are the new "journalism", etc..., as if one has anything to do with other.

And they just don't get it.

The fact is the internet is entirely new. With the internet we now have a means by which anyone in the world can have a one-on-one connection with any other person in the world whether for commercial, personal or political reasons, and the challenge of somehow organizing the chaos of billions of voices all talking to each other at the same time into something cohesive and usable. That's all an internet auction or a blog or any other internet enterprise is, a means of organizing the chaos, and even though a journalist may publish a blog, to label all blogs as "journalism" is patently absurd. It's just one voice speaking out and if it finds an audience then so be it, and if it doesn't then that's ok too. Either way, it isn't the "new" anything nor does it "change everything".

(I also hate it when they call the internet a "community". Geez, 3 drunks passed out in a bar can be a community - that doesn't mean their accomplishing anything useful or significant.)

Anyways, that's the way I've always felt, but you know every now and then something comes along on the net that can almost change my mind. Podcasting for one, and that's what I really want to talk about tonight. In particular I want to tell the tale of 2 podcasts. One that showed how the internet can change everything, and one that showed how the internet has changed nothing.

The first podcast was the Daily Source Code for June 6, 2005. For those unfamiliar with the podcasting world, the Daily Source Code show is really the primal seed from which all podcasting has propogated and spread, and although it certainly wasn't the first downloadable audio on the net, Adam Curry has to be credited with creating the concept of the podcast (audio over RSS) and of promoting and nurturing it's growth over the past 10 months or so. He's a pretty interesting fellow too, and way ahead of many in the podcasting community in espousing the notion that podcasting is going to have to become more than just a hobby or a dalliance before it can ever succeed in "changing everything." No doubt he's taken some heat for some of his more businesslike pursuits in this regards, but like the philospher said, "So long as others praise you, you can only be sure that you don't walk your own true path but somebody elses." Ok, maybe that's a bit of an overtatement. He's not God or anything, but perhaps "if others can't see it's only because they lack his vision".

Anyways, the reason I bring this up is not to suck-up to the guy but to talk about the June 6 show and how it relates to the potential of podcasting and the internet, and in particular to talk about a song he played that was written and recorded by some soldiers serving overseas in Iraq. Now that might not seem very remarkable at first, but when you stop to think about it it's very remarkable, isn't it?

I mean just stop and think of how we usually get our war news. A reporter is sent over and does some interviews, a camerman shoots some footage, some commentary is added, and then it is all sent to be cut down and packaged and put on the evening news or in the morning paper. And that's not to say it can't be very well done. The reporting can be good, the footage compelling, and the editing concise and to the point, and yet there's something missing. Somehow the viewer or reader isn't really sure he's getting the whole story, or the important story, or even the unbiased truth for that matter. In the end it's just a secondhand version of the truth.

Now compare that with this song these soldiers recorded. This was not pictures or summaries or secondhand accounts, this was not some windbag or pundit spouting off into a microphone or camera about what was happening and what we should be doing and all that. This was a firsthand, primary account from soldiers actually fighting the war. Soldiers who weren't just talking to a reporter, but rather giving us their actual unfiltered and uncensored emotions and relating a little of what it's like living with this war day and night. It might not have been the definitive summing up of everything that is happening over there, but it was a perspective you don't get from the MSM (Mainstream Media) and yet as worthy and compelling as anything you'd find on the evening news.

Could the MSM bring you stories like this? I suppose they could, but they don't, do they? That's what's so different about the internet and podcasting - the fact that there are no barriers, no rules of what you can do and can't do and still sell a 15 second commercial. The fact that raw information can come straight from the mouths of these soldiers, over these wires and cables, and directly into my ear, without any intereference or reinterpretation to muddy the waters. The fact that even as anonymous as they are, they can still get their message out and find an audience who'll listen. I tell you, listening to that song made me think that just maybe the internet can change everything.

And then I heard the other podcast. This one was the May 13, 2005 show from Larry's World, a podcast put out by longtime technology writer Larry Magid who happens to be a very fine writer and a much wiser man than me when it comes to the internet and new technologies. His podcast is mainly interviews with the movers and shakers of the computer world and although he talks kind of funny his interviews are some of the best to be found anywhere on the podcast dial.

On the May 13 show he interviewed Rob Chandhok of Qualcomm, a leading player in the telecommunications business, and this is where it starts to get really depressing. Chandhok, it seems, is leading Qualcomm's push towards bringing you and me television shows over our mobile phones, a curious concept to be sure but one that could play out someday if the spectrum and the high speed networks necessary to make it work ever become widely available in this country.

So here was this guy Chandhok talking to Magid and you know what is his vision for the future is? Why good 'ol network TV on your cell phone of course. But what about some of these newer developments Magid asked him, things like blogging and podcasting? Will we be able to get this kind of grassroots programming on our phones? Well no, Chandhok said, I don't think that's what people really want. They want quality network-type programming, not these narrowcast type of shows that will only appeal to a handful of people.

In other words (and is anyone really suprised by this), according to Qualcomm what the people really want is a world where a few big media companies and a few big telecommunication companies have complete control over what we can watch and enjoy. Yeah, I was thinking, that's what the people want. That's why we're going to subscribe to their services - just so we can watch the same crap on our phones that we see in our living rooms every night. Geez, who wouldn't want that.

But that's how the internet looks to the people in Hollywood and over on Madison Avenue. TV is just this stuff they sell and the internet is just the new "online marketplace". Same goes for newspapers and magazines and music and radio. It's just what they sell, and they can't imagine anyone wanting anything different. And as long as they control the infrastructure and pay the salaries and sell the advertising space, that's the way it's gonna be.

So you see, the internet changes nothing.

And just one more quick thought while I'm on this technology topic. The folks over at KenRadio have been discussing this idea of mobile phones on airplanes and dreading what this is going to mean for the travelling public who find themselves stuck in a middle seat between a couple of idiots blabbing on their cell phones for 5 or 6 hours. The consensus over at KenRadio seems to be that the airlines should designate a special area of the plane, preferably in the rear next the bathrooms, where these people can go and blab to their hearts content without annoying the rest of the passengers. I'm in complete agreement, but I think a better place for the blabbers would probably be down in the cargo hold, or maybe out out on the wing somewhere? Yeah, you need to make that important call? Ok, just strap on these bungie cords and go stand out there by the left aileron. And don't forget to knock when you're ready to come back in.

Funny thing is, I bet there would be people who'd do it.

You Can Relax Now Sisyphus, It's All Downhill From Here

It's been Geek Week here at the Myers household. Not that I'm a geek mind you, but every now and then in this modern technological age it becomes necessary for even the most balanced and well-rounded person to don that pocket protector and dig in for some good ol' fashioned geeky fun. Yes, yes, and now I'm sure you're wondering Tony, Mr. Geek Man, how exactly do you connect your pda and cell phone over bluetooth to get on the internet? Well, glad you asked, and you know you could always call your wireless company and they could tell you, but that's not the geek way is it? No, that would be too easy, and that's why you'll often find geeks searching through message boards and FAQ's and poring over manuals and help files at 4:00 in the morning, never admitting defeat and desparately attempting to avoid that dreaded call to Technical Support.

At least that's what I do. That's how you learn, right? Right? That's why you're banging your head against the desk at 4:00 in the morning and thinking "God I love technology. I'm learning so much from this experience."

But I'm getting ahead of myself so let me start at the beginning. Although it may have escaped your notice it is now official - the last person on the planet not to have a cell phone finally broke down and bought one last week. "How can that be", you ask, "it's 2005 and you still don't have a cell phone? What's wrong with you?" Well, the answer is simple. First, I don't like dealing with phone companies and second, since I'm neither mobile nor particulary professional and since I'm not the sort of person that likes to stand around and gab on the phone all day, I figured I didn't really need one. But the world keeps spinning and you have to change with the times, so, like I said, I finally decided to take the leap and go out and buy one.

Of course I did a lot of research first. Websites, reviews, product comparisons, forums...you name it I did it, and I found a ton of information out there. I mean, if your looking for information on phones and plans then all you need to do is fire up your browser and seek it out because I guarantee you it's out there (a particulary good site I found was Howard Forums, but there are plenty of others). And I found something interesting. While it's true that some wireless companies suck more than others, the consesus on the internet seems to be that by and large they all pretty much suck.

That was disappointing because I was hoping to find at least one true gem of a company, but unfortunately it seems that whether you're talking about service, billing, or support, well, there just aren't a whole lot of happy customers out there. True, people who are happy with their wireless company aren't typically the ones who go online and bitch and moan about them, but still there are plenty of horror stories and they cut across the board - Verizon, Sprint, Cingular, T-Mobile, they all have their share of unhappy customers. The situation kind of reminded me of something that Thomas Friedman's wrote in his book. Namely, why is it that people in Ghana can get better cell phone service than people in the U.S. can?

Anyways, I finally went with Cingular. "No! Not Cingular!" I can hear you saying. Well, yes, I went with Cingular. Believe me I heard all the horror stories, but the fact is that Cingular has the largest network and they have a really good deal going on the Audiovox SMT5600 Smartphone, so I went over to Amazon.com, signed up for the service and bought a smartphone. And that's all I have to say about that, and I should also add that I read many good comments about the phone and it got a particularly good review over at CNET.com.

I've had it about 4 or 5 days now and let me just say that I love this phone. Beyond the basics it also happens to be a powerhouse of a multimedia device, and in my area at least the coverage has been 3 or 4 bars all the way. But I don't want to talk about that too much. There is plenty of information on the phone out there and plenty of users who can talk more eloquently about it, both pro and con, than I. However, the best feature, and the one I was most interested in, was that together with everything else it can also be used as a bluetooth modem. That means that using this phone any bluetooth enabled computer or laptop or PDA can get on the internet even when there is no ethernet or Wi-Fi connection available. Other phones can do this too, of course, the SMT5600 isn't the only bluetooth enabled phone out there, but it was an important selling point that helped sway me in the direction of this phone.

Which takes me to tonights topic. How do you connect your PDA to your Audiovox SMT5600 over bluetooth. This is where it gets interesting because it isn't explained in the manual and there is an enormous amount of misinformation on the internet on how to get it done. I must have read 10 different opnions on how to do it and I can say, after much trial and error, that all 10 of them were wrong. Here then, as my service to the community of Audiovox SMT5600 users out there who may find themselves on the same fishing expedition I was on, is my simplified guide to connecting to the Cingular EDGE network using a bluetooth phone and a Bluetooth PDA:

Step 1: Establish a bluetooth bond between the 2 devices. This is the simple part, and no doubt you will find it documented in your user manual. In the bonding process you want your PDA to discover your mobile phone, not the reverse because you will be using the mobile phones services to make your connection.

Step 2: Make a new bluetooth connection. After you have established the bond and double-tap the mobile phone's icon in bluetooth manager this should happen automatically. If not, just tap New and run the wizard. The type of connection you want to make is the Connect to Internet via phone connection, which should be the first one listed.

Step 3: Enter throught the next screen and enter your passkey on your PDA and phone to connect the devices.

Step 4: Make a new connection and name it anything you want. There are lots of people out there telling you to give it some specific kind of name, but you can name it anything. I call mine GPRS.

Step 5: To set up your connection use the following settings

Phone number: *99#
Username: WAP@CINGULAGPRS.COM
Password: CINGULAR1

Note: These are the only settings you need. There are a lot of people out there who are telling you to use the phone number *99***1# and then telling you to go into the advanced settings and enter in an initialization string for your modem. YOU DO NOT NEED TO DO THIS! I can't tell you how many hours I spent trying to troubleshoot the connection using those settings until I finally figured out they are totally unecessary. Think about it. If you are able to connect to MediaNet, if you are able to log onto your POP3 account with your phone and retrieve your email, then your phone already has a GPRS connection set up and ready to use. You don't need to remake what's already been made.

Further Note: If you are connected to MediaNet (that is the default connection and the one that comes included with all voice plans) then you are using WAP. There are some people out there telling you to use ISP@CINGULARGRPRS.COM as the Username and that is wrong. Again, hours and hours wasted trying to figure that out. the ISP... Username is for people with Data Connect plans, not MediaNet plans. MediaNet is WAP GPRS.

Step 6: Uncheck the box that says "Wait for Dial Tone" if checked. I don't if that's necessary but it makes sense to me. Could save you a few hours troubleshooting.

Step 7: Tap Finish and you're done. Now just double-tap your new connection and I bet you'll be connected the same as me.

There, now wasn't that easy. Unfortunately you've got to sort through a lot of garbage before you finally find the right information, but once found it's an easy process to set up. Now with that all done I think I'm going to put my phone down and turn off my computer and go get some sleep. This stuff is exhausting and right now I'm feeling pretty tech'd out. I just want to go to bed and then maybe get up in the morning and do something normal for a change. It was a lot of work and the benefit, of course, is now I'm totally wired. As long as I can get a good signal then I can log on and surf. Ok, it may be a little slow but I can surf.

God, I sound just like a geek, don't I? Sheesh, I better go to bed now.

The World Is Flat

The thing I find most interesting about Thomas Friedman's new bestseller isn't that the world is going flat - people here in the Silicon Valley have known that for years. No, what I find most interesting is that even as businesses and economies around the world are being fundamentally changed by the rapid advance of new technologies, political institutions, at least here in the U.S., seem to be headed in the opposite direction. Technology is pushing us towards new economic freedoms, while politics seems to be pushing us towards medievalism. The new economy empowers the individual, while under the new politics the government becomes a tool of evangelicals bent on crushing individual freedoms under the weight of official church doctrine.

I think they call that a paradox, and my bet is that the world will continue to modernize despite our politcal leader's predilictions towards running back to the past. Let's face it - in the end it all comes down to money and jobs, and while it's true that money and politics are inextricably intertwined, if forced to choose one over the other I think most people would choose money and jobs over moral absolutism. Then again, you never know about the growing power of these social conservatives. They've won the Congress, they've won the White House, and I wouldn't be too suprised to see Thomas de Torquemada appointed as William Rehnquist's replacement on the Supreme Court. Now that would be an interesting Republican convention. Speeches, balloons, confetti and a little Auto da fe to round out the evenings entertainment. Ahhh..., and I bet it would get good ratings too.

Anyways, I'm reading this book about the flattening of the world and I should probably mention that I haven't finished it yet. In fact I'm only about a third of the way through it but it's one of those provocative type books that gets your mind going in all different directions and thinking "what about this" and "what about that". The style is little off-putting, what I'd call "Zig Ziglar", and at times it reads more like a sales pitch than a piece of non-fiction. But it's full of facts and details and the author, being a famous talking head seen regularly on TV news shows and roundtable discussions, is very adept at hammering home his talking points and keeping the viewer (er, reader) entertained and disinclined to reach for the remote.

If you haven't read the book yet then I'd go ahead and pick up a copy. The basic premise is that the combination of powerful hardware, sophisticated software and high-speed networks are creating a new digital economy which is breaking down the traditional borders between nations and corporations and flattening the world. We see this effect primarily in the outsourcing of jobs and the offshoring of companies, and the new economy is in fact becoming a kind of global meritocracy wherein the best talent at the best price wins the job regardless of where they might be situated geographically.

No arguement with that, although not much of a shock to anyone who has followed the goings on in the world.

In what I've read so far Friedman gives a history of how these technological changes came to pass, and it's a pretty entertaining post-1989 romp through the history of high tech. I might argue a few points here and there but it's still remarkable to reflect back on it all and wonder at how fast it all seemed to happen. It seems like only yesterday that I was writing a Trumpet Winsock script to get my little 28kbs PPP connection going, and now here I am blogging over an always-on connection with over 100 times the bandwidth.

Pretty amazing.

So, anyways, that's all I have for tonight. I'm kinda in my "read" mode right now and digging into all these books and magazines I've had stacked up and never got around to reading. I started that Guns, Germs and Steel book by Jared Diamond that everyone's been so hyped up about but I only made it about 2/5 of the way through. I think Jared Diamond must have learned to write books at the same place that Richard Wagner learned to write operas, although not acquiring Wagner's sense of brevity and pace. Everytime I pick it up and start reading I get about halfway through a chapter and think "didn't he already say all of this a few chapters ago?" Oh well, I'll finish it - just not all at once.

Of course I've got the trashy stuff too. Yes, my first (and last) Nora Roberts book, and I didn't even know she wrote it because the the book cover said the author was J.D. Robb who, it turns out, is really Ms. Roberts in disguise. Anyways, what a read, huh? I thought it was a mystery when I downloaded it, but it's not really what I'd call a true, Agatha Christie type mystery. Basically, the plot is as follows: A horrific crime is comitted, the heroine investigates, goes home to rich, handsome husband, passionate lovemaking ensues, next day she investigates some more, goes home to rich, handome husband, passionate lovemaking ensues, next day another horrific crime occurs, heroine investigates, goes home to rich, handsome husband, passionate lovemaking ensues, etc, etc, etc...

Yep. Turns out that this "mystery" is really nothing more than a romance novel with corpses. As you might have guessed I don't read many romance novels but it was nice to see what the other side is reading for a change. You know, take a little peek at every woman's secret fantasy. Hmmm., very interesting stuff ladies, but, I gotta tell ya'. Even though this may be your secret fantasy, personally, I think the woman's husband is biologically impossible. I mean he's this amorous every night? Hot, passionate and not stopping until he's satisfied his savage desire? Every night? EVERY NIGHT?

C'mon. If that was real life he'd be dead by Chapter 10.

You Never Give Me Your Money

Now what did I tell you. Back in January I told you the stock market would be headed lower and we're down about 3 or 4 hundred points since then. Last year I told you that housing was underpriced and prices here in the Bay Area have risen around 15%. You can check the archives if you don't believe me, and it just goes to show how easy this investment advice business really is.

So, given the 100% accuracy rating of my last forecast I know you're eager to hear my predictions for the next 6 months. Well, glad you asked, and if you send me $500.00 I'll mail to you the very next issue of my investment newsletter "The Tony Report". In it you'll find all the strategies and information you need to prosper in the months ahead using my patented "flip-a-coin" process - insights you won't find anywhere else on Wall Street. This is a no obligation offer. If you are not completely satisfied I'll gladly refund your money and the first issue is yours to keep. That's timely information, valuable insights, and a free money-back guarantee, all for less than $1.40 per day. But wait, there's more! Act now and I'll also include a copy of "10 Secret Tips that only Wall Street Millionaires and Investment Gurus Know". Crucial knowledge you'll need if you want to make money in todays up and down markets. This is a limited time offer so don't delay. Send in your money today.

No, no, no...just kidding. Don't send any money. I'll tell you where the markets are heading.

First the stock market. Everyday I hear experts saying that the stock market is oversold and full of good invesment oppurtunities so I'm pretty sure we're going to keep drifting lower. Nothing dramatic, but when you hear this many people telling you stocks are going up, then you just know they're gonna go down. So what do you do? Well, don't be like this guy I saw on the news last month. They were doing one of those man-in-the-streets interviews and they asked this guy if he was investing in the stock market.

"No", he said, " the stock market's been down lately. I'm gonna wait till it starts picking up again and then maybe I'll buy some stocks."

In other words, stocks are cheap right now so I think I'll wait till they get more expensive before I start buying. Uh dude, that's not the way to make money in the stock market.

Anyways, my advice to all of you out there (which I'm sure is worth every penny you paid for it) is to be looking for buying oppurtunities when the market is down and then think about selling them when the market is up. You know there are people who pay good money for advice like that. And I should also add, in keeping with the new disclosure laws, that I own mutual funds and not individual stocks and I dollar cost average each month. So that being the case, I say pffffttttt - who cares if this is the right time to buy or not.

As for the real estate market, well I think we should all stop and give a moment of thanks to Mr. Greenspan of the Federal Reserve. As you may have read he has been raising the federal funds rate over the past year, and with each gradual increase the bond market has rallied and housing prices have soared. Of course it's not supposed to work that way, but that's what's happening. Matter of fact I think the treasuries rallied again today and the yield on the 10 year note is all the way down to 4.17%, or thereabouts. A few more rate increases by the Fed and we just might see the yield on the 10 year note go negative. Now wouldn't that be a kick.

Of course the psychology in the housing market these days is to get in before the rates start going up, so every new increase by the Fed seems to spark these little mini-rallies of panicked buyers rushing to buy while the getting in good. It's like feeding the housing market little shots of adrenaline that send prices up another 5 or 10 per cent with every increase in the interest rate. Some are calling that a bubble, saying the whole market is overstimulated right now, but I say housing is still underpriced, at least in the Bay Area where there is an enormous demand and a very tight supply. As long as the Fed keeps feeding us our adrenaline and the psychology stays in place, the market should continue to rise for quite some time.

So there you go. I could of charged you $500.00 for these pearls of wisdom but I didn't. I hope you appreciate that. Just remember, stocks down, bonds up, housing up and up and up. And if I'm wrong, then...well, that's your problem. Serves you right for getting your investment advice from some blog.

Turning now to the California news. It's official folks, the revolution is over. Seems kind of sudden too. I mean the governor has barely even fledged and already he's a lame duck. I've already covered all of this before and it's really his own fault, so I'm not going to belabor the point anymore. What is interesting is the State recently looked over it's revenue projections for the year and things are looking pretty good. In fact a stronger than expected economy means we just might have a little more money coming in than we thought. Woohoo!!! Now we can start to pay down some of that deficit that we've built up over the past couple of years. Right?

Well, not so fast there, because no sooner did we find the money than the capitol was besieged by public minded citizens anxious to get their hands on some of it, and, of course, plenty of civic minded (and vote hungry) democrats more than happy to dish it out. Oh ok, maybe I'm being a little premature here. Nothing's actually been decided but I get the feeling we're going to get something resembling the Max Bialystock plan out of all this.

You remember Max don't you? From the Producers? I figure we'll just do like Max and dole out the surplus without too much attention being paid to the math. Teachers Union, you want some of the surplus? Well, here's 80% for you. Police and Firefighters? How about another 80% for you too. Health care workers? Prison Guards? Transportation workers? 80% for each of you, and thank you for doing such a good job. And please, remember who your friends are when the next election comes around.

"But Mr. Democrat, sir, you can't give everyone 80%. You don't have enough money to cover all that. How will you balance the budget?"

"Budget? We don't need a budget. We've got credit cards now. A few billion more in deficit reduction bonds ain't going to make any difference."

You just watch. I bet that's what happens. Come next year when it's time to pass last years budget (we Californians aren't known for our punctuality) we'll be facing another hole and the dems will be pointing fingers and blaming everyone but themselves for the mess. It happens every year.

Turning now to the local news...BART is coming to San Jose! Yeah! (We think)

In case you're not from around here I should explain that BART refers to the Bay Area Rapid Transit System. Basically, it's a train system connecting San Francisco with the East Bay Area counties, and while it does a good job of going East and North it's never connected San Francisco with the big dog around here. That would be us of course. San Jose, the Bay Areas largest city.

Now it looks like that's all going to change. At least we thought it was going to change when we came up with this plan. That was back in the Dot Com days when the South Bay was rich and had revenues coming out our ears, but, unfortunately, things have gotten decidedly bleaker since then. Still, we thought we could make it work with some federal funding and the feds were all for it until they did this study.

Oh yeah, the study. You see, the plan is to connect San Jose to the existing line that runs from Fremont (northeast of San Jose) to Oakland creating a San Jose to Oakland line that would run up along the eastern side of San Francisco Bay. Like I said everything was looking good until someone did this study and found out something interesting. Turns out no one in San Jose really wants to go to Oakland. In fact, the predicted ridership was so low that the feds asked us why they should give us a billion dollars to run a bunch of empty trains back and forth to places no one wanted to go.

Not so, not so, we said, plenty of people want to go to Oakland, but the feds were pretty adamant about it and shoved us way down on their list of priorities. And that's where we stand. Poor San Jose, we want to be all grown up just like our big brother to the north, but everyone keeps telling us to wait till we get older. It's so humiliating.

So no BART for now, and probably not in my lifetime either. I mean even it does get funded it'll still take a hundred years or so to work through all the delays and lawsuits and studies and cost overruns that inevitably crop up when taking on a project of this size. But it'll be cool if they ever do get it built. And Oakland's not such a bad place. They've got parks and museums and restaraunts and all of that stuff, and it's a perfectly safe place to take a stroll and do a little shopping...

As long as you're heavily armed.

At The Moulin Rouge

Pity that new college grad or that twenty-something. Not only are they up to their ears in college loan debt, but now it looks like they'll be funding their parent's failing Social Security System and private pension plans as well. United Airlines may be the first shoe to drop, but there are plenty of others dangling out there as well. And when they start falling, well, private industry may be asked to foot the bill but at some point I get the feeling the heaviest burden is going to fall on you and me.

Then there's this other news item I read today. According to CNET, declining research spending is leading to drop off in Information Technology innovation in the U.S., at a time when research spending by Asian nations such as China and India is rapidly increasing. In fact, at a recent Collegiate Programming competition the U.S. finished in 17th place, its worst showing ever, while Asian nations held four of the top 12 spots. It just seems like in the U.S. the old institutions are beginning to fall down, and they're building the new ones overseas.

So it's the end of the world, right? Maybe not, but we do seem to be approaching an edge. Just what edge that is I don't know. The edge of a precipice perhaps, or maybe just the end of our post-war expansion. Whatever it is I think anyone under the age of thirty had better keep their eyes and ears open and be ready for it, and by "it" I mean the end of the pretty lie. You know like the old Joni Mitchell song - "when you gonna realize they're only pretty lies". I tell ya' we're starting to run 0ut of them, and I'll give you some examples.

Let's see, how about the lie that we can continue to live beyond our means forever, even as we see the explosive growth of debt counselors and payday loan companies. Or how about the lie that if we work hard enough for long enough then one day we'll be able to stop working and retire, even as it's becoming more and more apparent that many of us will have to continue to work into our old age just to afford the prescription drugs. And of course there's the lie that we can fail to provide our children a world-class education and still be the world leader in innovation and technology, even as we watch China and India take the first tentative steps towards economic dominance in 21st century technologies.

Yeah, the pretty lies aren't going to keep working forever, folks. They're already beginning to show their age. The crows feet are forming around the eyes, the thickness settling in around the waist, and the bosoms beginning to sag. Youthful illusion is gone and reality seems to be sinking in.

Anyways, that's the feeling I had today, and there I was sitting at this meeting thinking over the news of the day and feeling surrounded by all this posturing and pretense and puffery and wondering if there was a single real person left in the world anymore- and it was like I was transported back to La Belle Epoque or something. You know the part where it's all coming to an end and all the beautiful people are sitting around cafes not noticing that the world was about to change forever. It was that kind of scene, and I realized ol' Joni got it right - it is all just pretty lies. That's all we're living on anymore.

Oh well, I'm sure the sun will still rise in the morning, and when we look in the mirror we'll still be as beautiful as ever. But we're walking towards an edge. I can just feel it.

Happy Mother's Day (I've Cast A Lot Of Stones)

There's a park where I walk on the weekends, one of those suburban California parks with canyons and trees and squirrels and jays and a rippling creek and grassy playgrounds and shady picnic tables. In the summer there are barbeques and birthday parties and squeals of laughter, and in the winter only joggers and middle-aged amblers such as me, donning our sweatshirts and running shoes and determinedly trying to clear chloresterol-clogged arteries.

And if you walk there often enough you always notice the kids down by the creek, and you always notice them doing the exact same thing. In fact, I bet you that there has never been a kid born who, when standing by a creek, or a river, or any body of water for that matter, doesn't immediately throw a rock in it. You've probably noticed it too, and it makes no difference if it's a boy or a girl. A small stone at first perhaps (ploop!), then another bigger one (plop!), and then, if the kid is big enough, a great, big, granite-like boulder of a rock is pried loose and thrown in (Gagoosh!).

So, I was asking myself as I walked by, why is it that a child can't look at a creek without throwing a rock in it? It's weird, isn't it? It's got to be something psychological, something to do with the developing brain - some kind of neural growth or synaptic connection that can only form when throwing large heavy objects into water and listening for the sounds. It has to be something central and primal within us because all kids do it, and for the most part only kids do it. I mean it's pretty rare to see a father or mother do it, and honestly, when's the last time you saw grandma pick up a 10 pound boulder and chuck it in the stream.

And yet, what better way to spend Mother's Day than to take the kids to the park and watch them play in the creek. Just let 'em romp and splash and strike terror into the heart of tadpoles and minnows. Mama's little angels.

My mother, of course, passed away 5 years ago and I was there in the room with her when she died. I'm not trying to be dramatic here - lot's of people have gone through the same thing, but it did take me a long time to come to terms with those last moments. You know, that whole "was I a good son" thing, and that gnawing sense of uncertainty I got from not really knowing what her last judgement of me was before she passed on, knowing that it couldn't be a good one as I relived every transgression, every forgetfulness, and every lack of consideration I'd ever shown her. You know as you go through life you don't always stop to notice every detail, but I'm telling ya' it's those things you've left hanging, those obligations you've never tended to that will wind up haunting you in the end.

But it's been 5 years now and there's nothing I can do about any of that now. So, happy Mother's Day mom, and I'm sorry for all the grief I caused you. Sorry for the time I set the field on fire, sorry for the time I got sent to the principals office for fighting, sorry for the other time I got sent to the principle's office for fighting, sorry for the time I cut P.E. for an entire school year and almost didn't get to graduate junior high school, sorry for the time I got caught stealing hall passes from Miss Zoria's desk, sorry I never cleaned my room, sorry for the time I forgot to pick you up at the airport, sorry for playing my guitar in my room with the amp turned all the way up, sorry for...

I sure did cause you a lot of grief, didn't I? And geez, that was only the things you knew about. Well, Happy Mothers Day just the same.

Viva Zaragoza!

I want to talk about the Mexican American War. In case you forgot, that was that little border dispute we had with our neighbors to the south back around 1846 or so, a conflict precipitated by Mexico's stubborn refusal to accept what we had always felt was our manifest destiny to populate and own the North American continent. Remember? We tried to buy the land from them at first but they refused, so then we just said the hell with it and declared war, sent a couple of armies down south and more or less forced the issue.

One of the armies, led by General Zachary Taylor ("Old Rough and Ready"), went down first and bloodied some noses around the Mexican city of Monterrey, but even though their army was defeated the Mexican government still refused to yield. A little put out by this we sent another army under the command of Winfield Scott (old "Fuss and Feathers") to launch an amphibious assault at Vera Cruz and march across Mexico and occupy the capital Mexico City. They probably went over all of this with you back in high school, but you might have forgot to take notes.

Anyways, after we occupied Mexico City we went to the Mexican Congress and putting a knife to their throats we asked them if they would like to consider a treaty. "Do we have a choice?" they asked, to which we replied "Of course" and made them an offer they couldn't refuse.

"Tell you what" we said, "if you give us California, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico and Utah, we'd be more than willing to let you keep Ensenada and Tiajuana". Naturally, the Mexicans thought this was very generous offer, especially coming from someone with a knife to their throat, but they still weren't to sure they wanted to make the deal. This was very exasperating to the U.S. and we certainly didn't want to seem like we were trying to bully anyone, so we said "Listen. You know we're going to take what we want whether you sign the treaty or not, but, tell you what, just to show what nice guys we are and how reasonable we can be, how about we chip in a little extra cash to sort of smooth over the rough edges." "How much?" the Mexicans asked, and so we slipped a cool $15 million in their pockets and in 1848 the Treaty of Guadaloupe Hidalgo was signed.

And that was the Mexican American War - well, the condensed version. After we had our treaty we quickly got our maps out and started drawing lines throughout the Southwest. "Look" we'd tell the Mexican people, "this here line is a border. I know this line never used to be here before, but we're making a rule that everything south of that line is Mexico and everything north of that line is us. So you gotta stay on your side of the line, Ok?"

"But senor" the Mexicans would say, "there won't be any place for my cattle to graze." "But senor, my brother and my sister live over there. How will I visit them?" "But senor, I have lived there all my life. Does this mean I will never get to see my home again?"

"No, you don't understand. This land up north is the United States. See? We drew a line. Once you draw a line and make a rule then it isn't Mexico anymore. Now I want you all to stay down there where you're supposed to and don't be causing us any trouble. You hear?", and with that settled we quickly went about the business of building organic food stores and tanning salons.

Of course, the Mexicans didn't pay any attention to us or our lines and have continued crossing back and forth ever since. That's also why today I'm living in a city called San Jose, in a county called Santa Clara, south of the city of San Francisco, north of Monterey, east of Santa Cruz, and west of the San Joaquin valley, in the state of California, whose capital is Sacramento and whose largest cities are Los Angeles and San Diego, sitting in a taqueria and listening to some white guy named Todd complain about all the "non-natives" and "illegal aliens" that are slipping across our borders.

Kind of peculiar when you stop to think about it.

Well it's still all over the news of course. The governor is talking about closing our borders and meanwhile we've got these white guys in pickup trucks cruising up and down the border with high powered rifles searching the sand and scrub brush for Mexicans. (Well, to be fair, they're just there to "observe". "Observe", that is, through the scopes of their Remington rifles). They call themselves Minutemen and although I've never seen a poll I suspect that most Americans would see them as patriots out to protect us from those brown people coming over our borders to take away all of those good lettuce picking jobs.

Kind of peculiar and I get the feeling that if these were French Canadians coming over the northern border to take those lettuce picking jobs then the outcry wouldn't be quite so loud, but it's probably not really a racial thing. In fact if you took a poll of the Latino community here in California I bet you'd find there are quite a few legal immigrants and children of immigrants who would harbor many of the same "send 'em back to Mexico" feelings. Well that's what I suspect from what I hear, anyways, and my guess is that the border dispute probably has less to do with ethnicity than it has to do with poverty and not wanting to have a bunch of poor people hanging around.

Either way none of that has anything to do with Cinco de Mayo, which is really what I intended to talk about tonight. If you live in Iowa or North Dakota then Cinco de Mayo is probably nothing more than the 5th of May to you, but out here in California and the West it's a big deal. We've got the parades and the dancing and the music and the food and all that, and of course like a lot of holidays nobody is exactly sure what everyone is celebrating about but it doesn't seem to matter as long as the food is hot and the beer is cold.

But not me.

"What is Cinco de Mayo?", I ask myself, and here's the answer. It's the anniversary of an 1862 battle in which a Mexican militia under the command of General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguin defeated the French Army of Napoleon III at the town of Puebla, just east of Mexico City. As you may recall (here we go again with the high school history lesson) the French Army had invaded Mexico back around the time of the American Civil War with the intention of occupying the country and installing the Archduke Maximillan, a Hapsburg and friend of Napoleon III as leader. However, at Puebla the outnumbered Mexican militia was able to stop the French invading force cold and force them to retreat and regroup, effectively ending the campaign for the remainder of that year and beyond.

Now what any of that has to do with burritos and a six pack of Corona's is beyond me, but every 5th of May the Mexican American community gets together and throws a big party to commemorate the victory. Of course what they fail to mention, or at least choose to forget, is that the year after the victory at Puebla the French returned with 30,000 troops and crushed the Mexican resistance and Maximillan did indeed become ruler of Mexico for a time...that is until they assasinated him.

But you know what? Who cares, that was all a long time to go and isn't it ironic that 150 years later we Californians, residing in what once was the northern part of Mexico, should once again find ourselves with a Hapsburg on the throne.

Ok, maybe Arnold isn't a Hapsburg, but he is Austrian. Kind of peculiar isn't it?

La Belle Musique

It's hard to pick the one worst song lyric ever written because bad songs can be bad in so many different ways. Do you pick the most nonsensical lyric as the worst ever. Well, in that case my nomination would have to be Stairway to Heaven. Just try to make sense of this, and then imagine what sort of drugs Robert Plant must have been taking when he wrote it:

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow don't be alarmed now

It's just a spring clean for the May queen.

That would certainly be a strong candidate for the most strange and obtuse award, but is it bad enough to be crowned king of the truly awful. Maybe we should also consider grammar and abuse of the english language. For example, how about this gem from America:

I been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert, you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain.

Yes, yes - who can ever forget that classic. But still, obtuseness and bad grammar aren't really enough to win the award for bad song writing. I think you need something more. I think you need to write something so contrived, so dumb, that the memory of it just stays in your mind and rings through your consciousness long after the song itself has faded. In that spirit I nominate as the worst song ever written Los Bravos' Black is Black:

Black is black
I want my baby back

Man, I haven't heard that song in 30 years and the sheer dumbness of it still gnaws at me. But that's not what I want to talk about tonight.

I ordered a DVD from Amazon.com about a month ago and it finally showed up in my mailbox last week (so much for Super Saver shipping). It's called Thais and it's an opera written by this guy named Jules Massenet. The funny thing is that the same week it arrived I also got my latest issue of Opera News and wouldn't you know it they have a review of the same DVD. It wasn't a bad review, but it wasn't a ringing endorsement either. Now I don't claim to be an opera expert by any stretch of the imagination, and I've certainly never studied opera or voice or attended any conservatories, but I think even a layman is entitled to his impression. I mean my opinions, however uninformed, are no less valid than some fancy-dancy music critic. So here's my review.

If you like music, then buy this DVD.

There. You don't need any more review than that. Ok, ok, maybe I should qualify it a little. First, despite what you may have heard, french opera is not as bad as all those music snobs say it is. If you're a neophyte's like me then I know it's hard not to be a little put off by the remarks that are bandied about by the critics, calling french opera billious and dull at best, and a trivial waste of time at worst. Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion, of course, but as far as I'm concerned it's all a bunch of arrogant bull.

Thais is, in fact, one of the most beautiful operas I've ever heard, with the emphasis squarely on the 'beautiful'. If you've ever heard the 'Meditation' from Thais then you know what I'm talking about. I know it's almost blasphemy to talk about art as being beautiful in this modern angst-ridden age, and while I agree that art does not have to be beautiful to be good, I don't think it should be denigrated and mocked if it isn't harsh and unpleasant either. I may be overstating the dispute, but there does seem to be this unstated opinion among certain people that beautiful art is for simpletons, not edgy post-moderns. At least that's the feeling I get.

Anyways, this is some beautiful music, and whatever misgivings you may have about the rest of the piece, it's hard not to be charmed by the sheer loveliness of Massenet's score. And if that's too french for your tastes, then so be it.

If I have to point to a flaw on this DVD it's in the performance of bass Michele Pertusi as Athanael, the male lead. Athanael is a monk who travels to Alexandria to find Thais and deliver her from wickedness and sin, but somehow Pertusi seems to lack the presence or charisma to make this character work. It's hard to believe that Thais would ever be captivated by this dull presence and escape with him to a convent in the desert, but unlikely as it seems off she goes. I, for one, was unconvinced. Still, this is a small criticism, a nitpick really, which subtracts little from the sheer beauty of this work.

I should also mention the nudity. There is, um, lots of nudity in this production, and if that's something that bothers you then you best stay away. I know I've always found naked people walking around on stage a little distracting myself, but in defense of the DVD I should add that I didn't think it was a problem here. There is a lot of ballet in Thais and the somewhat underdressed ballerinas appear quite often in dream sequences (or meditations) that play upon the sexual tensions that the pious Athanael feels in the presence of Thais and the members of her court. Unlike a lot of operas where the ballet feels tacked on, the ballet in Thais integrates well with the drama onstage and the eroticism plays in quite naturally with the overall feel of the action. So, the nudity wasn't a problem for me, but if you're a little squeamish about such things, then you have fair warning.

Other than that, Eva Mei sings the title role beautifully, and that music...did I mention how beautiful it is. It just lingers with you. Forget what you've heard about french opera and buy this DVD. It's a keeper, and that comes from someone who knows nothing about opera.

Now to completely change gears I'd also like to mention one more thing. I get emails from time to time from people who've read my blog and I'm always happy to get them, although for the life of me I can't figure out why anyone reads it. I mean, out of the millions and millions of blogs out there, why anyone would read this one is beyond me. It's not about anything and I don't have anything particulary cogent to say, but I guess that's it's all a part of being in the blogosphere.

Anyways, I got an email from Dave Ciccone from Dave's Ipaq thanking me for mentioning his podcast in one of my blogs a while back, and I just want to say thanks to Dave for taking the time to read my incoherent ramblings. If you own a IPAQ (or any Pocket PC or Smartphone device for that matter) then I highly recommend a subscription to his podcast or a visit to his website. I think he mentioned on one of his podcasts that he'll be changing things around later this year and expanding his borders beyond the IPAQ world, per se. I look forward to that, but even if stays strictly IPAQ I still think he's got lots of good stuff that any Pocket PC user would be interested in. Definitely worth your time, and thanks for the email Dave.

One Step Up and Two Steps Back

Ah, RealNetworks. You know them, don't you? They're the company with the colorful CEO and the crappy software. Well, you think I would have learned my lesson by now but...

Today's big news was that RealNetworks has announced a major upgrade to their Rhapsody streaming music service. In case you don't know, Rhapsody is a subscription music service that streams music over the internet to your computer. It's kinda of like a big jukebox and for about 10 bucks a month you can stream as many songs as you want, but you can't download them. You can, however, purchase the songs and burn them to a CD.

That is to say, that was the Rhapsody service. With the new upgrade you can still listen to streams, but now Rhapsody has added the ability to download tracks to your computer and add them to portable MP3 players, and that includes the 800 pound gorilla of the music world the Apple IPod. At least that's what they claim. I don't have an IPod so I can't verify that.

To make the upgrade even sweeter, they have also taken a page from rival Napster and added the ability to add an unlimited amount of music to your portable device for a monthly subscription fee that is about 5 bucks over their regular subscription rate. Unfortunately, as of today there are only 2 devices which support this feature, although RealNetworks promises that they will eventually support hundreds more (including the IPod).

I'm sure that "sue-happy" Apple Computer will be agreeable to that.

Ok, so far, so good, and I should mention that I've been a Rhapsody subscriber for many years. I've always found it a good way to sample a wide variety of music without having to buy CD's and downloads. When I originally subscribed they were still owned by an outfit called Listen.com which was subsequently sold to RealNetworks, an acquistion I was sure would spell gloom and doom for Rhapsody but luckily Real seemed to be content to leave well enough alone and let Rhapsody go on pretty much as it always had.

Until today.

Now, before I get started on my rant I should probably say a word or two about RealNetworks. If you're on the internet at all then I'm sure you already know them. They're the company behind all those Real audio and video streams that seem so ubiquitous on all the major media sites around the world, and if all you do is click on an occaisional video clip that plays back using the RealPlayer software then you're probably totally unaware of Real's true mission in life. That is, to completely own your computer and all the media in it. Yes, I'll admit they've gotten a bit tamer in recent years, but Real has always had this nasty predisposition towards insinuating themselves into the deepest, darkest recesses of your computer and seizing control of all it's systems.

Which brings me to the Rhapsody upgrade. First off, let me say that the interface update was long overdue. The old one had been around for at least 3 or 4 years and was feeling a bit clunky, especially compared to it's slicker rivals. While the new interface isn't up to the standards of the current state-of-the-art in media players, it is a big improvement over what came before. I won't go into the details here, but essentially what they've done is merge the Rhapsody streaming service and the RealPlayer10 media player.

And that's the problem.

Everything was going peachy-keen until I decided to add my mp3 player to the devices list within Rhapsody. You need to do this before you can transfer music to your portable device and it's quite a common procedure these days. I've done it in Napster, I've done it in Audible, I've done it in Windows Media Player - all in all a pretty straightforward procedure. So I told Rhapsody to add the device and it dutifully informed me it would have to download some drivers to do that. Again, no problem, all the players need to do that. But, you see, I forgot. This is not any media player I'm dealing with - this is RealNetwork's media player, the company that is hell bent on dominating the world with crappy software.

Ok, this is the rant part.

Let's see, where do I begin. After I installed the drivers I plugged my device into the computer and immediately Real assumed it was time to take control of my system. Now Napster never did that, Audible never did that, but good 'ol Real, they just figured that since I installed their player that meant I would never, ever want to control how I access my device again. "Just have a seat over there, little fella', and let Real take over" is what they seemed to be saying.

So like I said, I plugged in my device and immediately 5 new windows popped up on my screen (that's right, I said 5 NEW WINDOWS! I counted 'em), and each window asked me the same question. Would you like Real to take over from here or would you like to take no action and cancel. So I clicked "Take No Action, Cancel", "Take No Action, Cancel", "Take No Action, Cancel", "Take No Action, Cancel", and "Take No Action, Cancel". Down at the bottom of each window there was also a little box which asked me if I would always like Windows to perform the same action when I connected my device, and I clicked that box too. Naively I assumed that that Windows would remember that setting and not ask me the same questions the next time I connected, butI forgot - this used to be my computer but it was Real's computer now.

After I closed all the windows I launched Windows Media Player and luckily my device showed up and everything looked fine so I let it go at that and didn't think any more of it. Of course, you know what's coming and sure enough the next time I started my computer and connected the device up come the 5 new windows again. This time I shut 'em down and went immediately into Rhapsody to try to find some way to stop these stupid windows from popping up, and lo and behold when I went into their little device area I found out that my device wasn't even listed. I had installed it, I was getting the 5 new windows, but it wasn't there. Seemed like the natural thing to do was click on the little install button and try installing it again.

Real didn't like that.

As soon as I clicked the button and I swear I heard a little voice coming from inside my computer. "Did I give you permission to press that little button? Did I? Hmmm?" Needless to say, I was spitting in the face of God and that was all she wrote.

You know there are crashes and there are freezes, and there are hard crashes and there are hard freezes, but this crash was like the Titanic hitting an iceberg. First the little progress bar starts going and gets to about 24% and then stops, then it tells me it needs to shut down Rhapsody and freezes, and then it stays frozen for about 5 minutes until finally I open up the task manager and shut it down manually, and then all of a sudden the progress bar starts moving again and asks me if I want to replace my more recent driver with this older driver that Rhapsody wants to install so of course I tell it "Hell no" and click continue, and then...well, that was not the response that Rhapsody wanted to hear.

The computer rebooted fine after I finally managed to shut it down and restart it, but plugging in my mp3 player was not a good idea. Immediately the computer started acting like it had just OD'd on seconal. It just began to run slower, and slowwwer, and slowwwwwweeeer, and slowwwwwwwwweeeeeeeerrrrr, and was running so slow, in fact, that it took about 3 minutes just to get the task manager to come up so I could shut the thing down and restart it. After the second restart I opened up Windows Media Player and this time, no device. Rhapsody had completely hosed my mp3 player.

Well, this has gone on longer than I wanted so to make a long story short let me just say that a visit to a website, and a reinstall eventually fixed the problem, but sheesh, what a pain just because I didn't want to install Real's lousy old drivers. It goes without saying that I won't be using Rhapsody to connect to my device, and who knows, maybe Real will manage to muck things up so bad that I'll be through with Rhapsody for good. I guess that's what they call "reverse engineering". Taking something that works and breaking it.

Pity Is For The Living, Envy Is For The Dead

"Well doc, how's it look?"

"You mean the blood test?"

"Yeah. Better or worse this time?"

"More of the same, I'd say. LDL too high, HDL too low, triglycerides off the chart. Blood pressure looks good, but you know, according to these numbers you ought to be dead by now. I don't know how you do it."

"Just stubborn, I guess."

"Been watching you're diet like I told you."

"Sure... I mean, yeah...of course."

"And the exercise."

"Well, I'm no Bruce Jenner but I do try to walk everyday."

"That's good...everyday?"

"Oh you know, this lousy weather and all. It's hard to get motivated when it's raining all the time. But yeah, most days... Some days."

"How many days?"

"I don't know. Most days, I guess."

"I don't know why you seem to think you've got all this time to take care of this problem. I mean, I can read you the numbers and tell you what you've got to do, but in the end it's up to you to take of yourself. After all, it's going to be your funeral, not mine."

(Ok, ok, here we go. I thought I was going to get through this without a lecture this time)

"You know, doc, it's hard. It's like...well suppose you told someone not to be thirsty. I mean, suppose you told them if they ever took another drink of water they were going to die an early death. Suppose you told them 'whatever you do, don't think about h0w thirsty you are. Don't think about your mouth being dry, don't think about swallowing. Just don't think about thirst.' You know what'd happen if you told someone that? Of course you do. I guarantee that all they're going to think about from that point on is how thirsty they are. No matter how hard they try, that's all they'll be thinking, and the more they try not to think about it the more of an obsession it becomes, until finally they grab a jug of water and gulp the whole thing down just so they can stop thinking about it."

"But we're not talking about a jug of water, we're talking about your chloresterol and your triglycerides and how if you don't start doing something about your diet and your exercise you'll be headed straight for some serious problems down the road."

"You know what I read today? I read that they did a study at Michigan State that found out that only 3% of the adults surveyed lead what doctors would consider a healthy lifestyle. Only 3% that didn't smoke, that ate right, that exercised daily and that kept their weight down."

"So that's you're excuse?"

"No, that's not my excuse. I'm just saying that if I'm screwing up then there are about 290 million other people in this country who are screwing up just as bad. Maybe it's not so easy being pink and healthy, you know?"

"That's a good one. I guess we should all just sit on our asses and stuff pizzas and ice cream down our throats all day. That's your solution to this problem?"

"I don't eat pizza and I don't eat ice cream and I don't sit around on my ass all day. C'mon, I'm making progress, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you're doing better than you were before, but you're not where I'd like to see you. We just need to bring these numbers down some more. But like I said, it's you're funeral."

"I feel fine doc. It's not like I'm nauseous and dizzy and coughing up blood or anything like that. I promise, I'll work on it"

"I want to see you again in a month."

"A month!?"

(Geez. Why don't I just set up a cot in the waiting room and you can come in and be my conscious every morning.)

"Yeah, and I want another blood test. We'll keep going with the same meds for now, but I want you to try to control your diet and keep going with your exercise. "

"Yeah, got it. See you next month."

(Not much of a blog, but I just want all the yunguns out there to know what they have to look forward to as they start that steady decline into decrepitude. Don't say I didn't warn you, and don't be suprised if you find yourself in a doctor's office someday having this same conversation. Just remember, you won't be young forever so...enjoy that pizza and ice cream while you can.)

Don't Know Much About Geometry


At one time the U.S. stood at number 3 in terms of broadband internet penetration. We then fell to number 4 and have kept on falling all the way to our current position at number 11 on the per capita broadband internet penetration list. We also lag in the average speed of our broadband connections with Japan coming in number 1 at 26 Megabits per second as compared to the U.S.'s 1.5 Megabit per second, making the average Japanese broadband connection about 17 times faster than the average U.S. broadband connection.

In other words, in the internet arena the country that has always sat at the center of the whole hi-tech revolution is slowly slipping behind the rest of the world. Not technologically backwards, of course, just failing to keep up with many of the other developed countries, particularly in Asia.

What does this all mean? Beats me.

In other news, school districts around the country are clamping down on the teaching of evolution in the classroom. While not imposing an outright evolution ban, school boards are requiring that in the name of fairness and balance, students should be told that evolution is only some poppycock atheistic heathen theory that is a slap in the face to God and religion and all the good and moral people of the world. "How can anyone that loves their mother" the students are asked "believe in this evolution crap."

Although it is only a rumor, there is also a movement underway in legislatures across America's heartland not only to prohibit the teaching of the theory of evolution, but to make evolution itself illegal as well. If successful, any species found mutating in those states with anti-evolution statutes in place will be in violation of the law and remanded to the hereafter for further judgement and reprisal. I asked the President about this.

"Good morning, Mr. President."

"Good morning Bill."

"Mr. President, there has been a great deal of movement in many state legislatures around the country to outlaw the evolution of the species. How do you feel about that and do you support these moves?"

"Well, no, um, I don't think it's, um, proper for states to act indepently on this matter. I think what we need is some action on the, er, federal level to have a national...uh, what we need is a law. A federal law, that will put these mutating species on notice, er, um...Well I'll tell you, I think they ought to go to jail."

"I notice you're using a lot of um's and er's, Mr. President, in that sort of exaggerated Texas townhall meeting style you affect whenever you're trying to sell us something. You know, like when you're talking about Social Security reform, for instance."

"The American people know that I'm, um...We're all just folks."

"I see. Then am I correct in saying that you do support the illegalization of evolution, but on a national rather than state level."

"Yes that's right. I'm not ashamed of my beliefs. As you know I believe in a faith based, uh...We can't let these species go on mutating, Bill. That's just not part of God's plan."

"Mr. President, if we do stop the evolutionary process, that is, if we do stop genetic mutations, where will that leave the country? Will we fall behind the rest of the world in terms of adaptability and resistance to disease and things like that?"

"Well you see Bill, that's a misperception that's out there among the heathen scientist community. We don't have to adapt because species don't evolve. Just the other day I was talking to Karl Rove about this and he confirmed to me that that's a view supported by a majority of the American people as well. "

"You mean, Mr. President, that Karl Rove is as highly evolved as mankind is ever going to get?"

"Yes, and the American people support me in that. I think we all want to see more scientists go to jail, and I think a federal law outlawing evolution could be a, er, first step. Go out to Kansas or Ohio or North Carolina and I think you'll see that folks agree."

"Thank you Mr. President."

"Aw, er, um...shucks."

And now just one more item from the medical file. The American Association for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery reports that there were 11.9 million cosmetic procedures performed in the United States in 2004. Leading the list were 2,837,346 botox injections, 478,251 liposuctions and 334,052 breast augmentations, an increase of 44 percent over the number of cosmetic procedures performed in 2003. Which means, of course, that although we might not be as internet connected as others and we might be turning out the lights on scientific progress, our skin is wrinkle-free and we've got lots of cleavage.

Somehow, I can't work up much outrage over that.