Oh Black Water Keep on Rollin'

Do you like your water company? I like mine and you know why - every year they send out an Annual Water Quality Report to all their customers on the safety and cleanliness of the County's water supply. I mean, in this modern age isn't it reassuring to know that a nameless, faceless bureaucracy like the San Jose Water Company really does care about it's customers and really does want to take the time to sit down with them and ease their tap water fears? You bet it is, and that's why when my copy of the "Annual Water Quality Report 2004" came in this month's bill, I, like so many others, couldn't wait to open it up and tear right in. And let me tell ya', now that I've read it I'm convinced that not even the dryness of a Saharan summer or the infernal fires of hell could ever persuade me to drink another glass of their water again. Not in this county anyways.

Not that the SJWC ever intended anyone to really read the report, mind you. In fact just getting through the first paragraph was enough to tie any normal brain into knots. Geez, if you want to inform consumers don't send us them a document that looks like it was written by a committee of chemists and engineers and biologists (and their lawyers) - send them something readable. I'm betting that most people who actually do take the time to read it will make it about as far as the second paragraph before they skip ahead to the charts and illustrations. At least that's what I did.

Let's go through it together, shall we?

Let's see, where do we start. Well here's a pretty blue and green picture on the last page that shows Santa Clara County and the sources of it's drinking water. Hmmm, what a pretty little picture, and it looks like I'm in the blue area which, according to the Legend, means I'm drinking imported surface water. Yum-yum, surface water - now that sounds tasty. I hope by that they are referring to water that's been stored in surface reservoirs (as opposed to underground wells) and not water that's run-off of surface streets and into ditches and rain gutters. I'm sure that's what they mean but I'll be damned if I'm going to go back through the report and try to find an explanation.

Well, anyways, that's interesting. I always wondered where my water came from and I'm glad that I'm in the pretty blue area and not the ugly green one, even if I am drinking surface water. Turning back a few pages I also see they've also included a nice little chart. Gee, I like charts. It's called "Primary Standards - Mandatory Health related Standards". Across the horizontal axis they've set out the Units, MCL's and PHG's or MCLG's and down the verticle axis they've listed the parameters in their study. What a boon to consumers eh? Why just imagine all the times you've sat over your morning cup of coffee and wondered just how many PHG's of Radionuclides there were in that little cup.

Well continuing down the left hand side of the chart comes we finally come to the good part. This is where they list all the stuff that's in your tap water, and my advice would be to stop reading at that point and just be glad you don't know what's in there. But being the damn fool I am I can't help myself so here goes. Here's what we got: Aluminum, Arsenic, Barium, Beryllium, Chromium, Fluoride (good for your teeth), Nitrate, Selenium, something called Gross Alpha Activity (15 MCL's of that but O PHG's, thank goodness), Radon, Dichloroethylene, Trichloroethane, Total Trihalomethanes, Haloacetic Acids, Coliform Bacteria, Lead, Copper and of course Chlorine, Choride, Iron, Sodium, Sulfate, Zinc and Manganese.

Gee, is that all. I was worried there might be some foreign substances in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying. "What are you getting so paranoid about. Don't you know that it's perfectly normal to have Halocetic acids in your water? Why, even spit has more Trihalomethanes and Radionuclides than tap water does (not to mention Gross Alpha Activity). It's nothing to be concerned about so why don't you quit your whining and deal with it." Well, alright, I hear you and I'm not whining. I'm jus a little concerned that's all. I thought tap water was just, you know, water. H2O and maybe a few little buggies swimming around. I never really stopped to consider there might be Arsenic and Radon and Trichloromethanes floating around in there too. And now that I know, I kinda wish I didn't.

You know?

But I'm not whining and since I can't make heads or tails of this chart anyways I guess it must be okay. They wouldn't publish this stuff unless the water was ok - right? But then again... what about some of these other things? What are Nephelometric Turbidity Units anyways? And why are these Unregulated Contaminants listed? Boron? Vanadium? Hexavalent Chromium? Aeromonas? Shouldn't they be regulating that stuff?

Oh man, I don't feel so thirsty anymore. Honestly, I wish the SJWC wouldn't send me anymore consumer information. Ignorance is highly underrated and I think I would have been happy just to pay the bill.