I Got My Acme Toaster

The thing is, I'm an Acme guy. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but for some reason whatever Acme makes I gotta buy it. That's just who I am. People say, like, "Oh, he's just an Acme fanboy" and things like that, but I don't care. Acme makes the coolest stuff out there, that's all. It's not like someone buys a Samsung or a Sony and I say "Oh, he's just a total Sony fanboy" or something stupid like that. It's just that, for me, life really comes down to just three things - the times when Acme announces a new product, the times when Acme ships a new product, and then all the lonely, meaningless, hours in between.

So like I said, I'm an Acme guy, and this new Acme toaster is just so cool. All the Acme rumor sites were speculating about it last year, but when Acme finally announced it last spring's AcmePlanet conference it just blew everybody away. I mean, everyone knew it would have four slots and all that, but no one predicted it would have an automatic french toast feature. Man, that is awesome. None of the Acme rumor sites predicted that. Of course to make french toast you have to activate the toaster and buy this special Acme bread, and when you can't activate it you have to sign up for a monthly "Ac-ME" subscription, but that doesn't bother me. It's just a matter of time before someone figures out a way to hack the toaster to use regular Orowheat or Wonder Bread instead.

That didn't stop me from buying mine, at least. At first I was just going to go down to Walmart about 2 hours before they opened up and then stand in line, but I guess I started getting a little anxious so I decided to go down the week before and sleep on the sidewalk instead. Some people think that's weird, but, I dunno. I suppose on the scale of human achievement, camping out in front of the store just so I could be first to get an Acme toaster isn't really all that much. It's roughly equivalent to being the first one on the schoolbus just to get a seat by the window, but, I dunno, I just had to have one. You know?

But I got one now and it's so cool. I should probably do a review but I just got it so I haven't really used all the features yet. You can get them in white or stainless steel, and I got one of the stainless steel ones. What's so cool about it, though, is that it doesn't have any buttons. It's just got these lights on the side and you touch them whenever you need to do anything, like change modes or adjust the temperature or things like that. Even if you don't want to make any toast it's still fun just to play with the buttons.

What's kind of a drag, though, is that it uses this really weird cable to plug into the wall. You have to use this special adaptor that goes into the wall socket and then the cable plugs into the adaptor, and if you lose either the cable or the adaptor then you have to buy a totally new power kit from Acme. I think they cost like $40 too, so you gotta be careful not to lose it.

The french toast thing was cool too, but you have to activate your toaster before you can use it. That was kind of a pain. When I got home I tried to activate it, but Acme's servers were down. It took me like 3 hours before I finally got through, and then I had to download the code to my toaster and install it, and that took like another half-hour. Then when I finally got everything installed, I found out that I needed special Acme bread in order to make french toast. I'm going down to the Acme store tomorrow and pick some up and I'll let you know how it turns out. I don't like french toast all that much anyway.

That's all I've got so far. I don't think anyone else has got their toaster post up yet so I'm pretty sure I'm the first. I hope so. That would be killer. Either way I think I'll go take a shower now because, like dude, I've been sleeping on the sidewalk for a week, you know? After that, I dunno, maybe I'll play around with my toaster for a while and then check out the Acme sites to see if there are any new rumors. I'm just so stoked right now that I can't sleep. Maybe later. I can't wait to go into work tomorrow and show everybody my new toaster. That ought to be interesting for, I dunno,

five minutes.