The Audacity of Blog

Where else but on a blog could the average Joe sit down in front of a computer and singlehandedly solve all the world's problems? The power of this new technology is simply amazing. Global warming got you down? Just ask a blogger - he's got the answers. Want to know the best way to run your business? The blogger hasn't been born who doesn't know the best way for other people to conduct their affairs. No doubt about it. Blogging is the miracle of our times, and attributable, I suppose, only to the fact that there are millions of people scattered across the globe with nothing better to do.

I do a bit of blogging myself, and being the moody, ruminating sort I too have been known to volunteer opinions neither sought nor welcomed. It's a selfish sort of thing, of course, or rather a self-absorbed sort of thing, but having no other serious vices I suppose a blog or two offers little chance of being my ruination. With that in mind I thought I'd do my part and offer up some of my ideas for solving the world's problems.

The problem at the top of most people's list seems to be the price of gas, and wouldn't you know it, I just happen to have a solution. Actually it's quite a brilliant solution, and as we are in the middle of a presidential race I think it's a solution that would work equally well for the Democrats or Republicans. My solution, you see, is predicated on these two theses, namely 1) Sen. Phil Gramm was right and high gas prices are really just a figment of our imaginations and 2) Americans are terrible at math.

The solution, you see, is simple. All we have to do is what the rest of the world is already doing. Instead of selling gasoline by the gallon, we sell it by the liter. I did a rough calculation and gas selling for $4.50 a gallon would sell for only $1.20 per liter (Did I say gas? Sorry, I meant "petrol"). All the next president has to do is make the changeover and he can quite rightly proclaim that since taking office he has reduced the price of gas from $4.50 to $1.20, and before you can say "let me check those numbers" America will be right back at the dealership buying up those Lincoln Navigators and Chevy Tahoes. The voters are happy, the oil companies are happy, and Detroit is happy. I call that a win-win-win.

Okay, now that the energy crisis is solved let's move on to the next challenge. This is a big one. It's the housing crisis. I saw a guy on the news today who said that if his candidate is elected he'll push for new bankruptcy laws that will allow the bankruptcy courts to set aside mortgages. I'm trying to be non-judgemental and non-partisan here so I won't name the candidate (Obama), but that's a hell of an idea, and I'm more than a little disappointed that I didn't think of it myself. As I understand it, under this plan you go to the bank, they lend you a half-million dollars or so you can buy a house, you buy the house, you file for bankruptcy, the judge sets aside the mortgage, and then you get to keep the house without having to pay the money back. Now that's a great idea. It's no wonder that America loves this Obama guy.

Personally, I think the banks probably won't be making many loans under those circumstances, but I still like the thinking behind it. I might suggest a little improvement, however. Instead of forcing people to file for bankruptcy and ruining their credit records (would you take a free house if you knew it was going to ruin your credit record - me too), why not just cut out the middleman. I mean we've got all these empty houses just sitting around, so why not just have the government give them to people. It could be like the 21st century version of the Homestead Act. You go down to the county clerk's office and file your claim, and the house is yours. Home ownership is good for America, right? If we keep making people pay for their houses then some people are never going to be able to afford one.

Problem solved.

Let's see, what's next. How about the Health Care crisis? That's an easy one too. First we need some historical perspective though. You see, back in the old days we used to have this thing called "inflation" that was measured by an index called the CPI, or Consumer Price Index. The CPI had been around since around 1919 and was used to measure changes in the prices of things. That was fine until the 1970's when we had our first "oil crisis". A cartel of oil producing countries decided to cutback their oil shipments and the price of gas shot through the roof (does anyone remember gas lines and "odd and even" days?). Unfortunately, not only did the oil shortage inflict the Ford Pinto and the Chevy Vega on us, it also triggered a round of inflation that by the 1980's took the CPI to around 20%.

Well, that wouldn't do so somewhere it was decided that in order to get prices under control we needed to make some changes to the CPI. What happened next is something we now call the core inflation rate. The core inflation rate, we were told, was more accurate than the CPI because it didn't track prices that were deemed "volatile" like energy prices or food prices. The government liked the new core inflation rate best of all because it was substantially less than the CPI and significantly reduced the amounts it had to pay for entitlements programs that linked to the inflation rate.

So that's why nowadays when people are shopping at thrift stores and taking out payday loans at 400% interest just so they can put some gas in the tank and maybe buy a box of cereal, the government can happily report that prices are stable and inflation is a mere tenths of a percent. What's even better is that now our economists have come up with a newer way to measure to inflation that reduces the numbers even more the core inflation rate. It's called the PCE, and is based on the notion that when the price of something goes up, people will buy a cheaper alternative rather than pay the higher price. For example, when the price of, say, laundry detergent goes up, people tend not to buy laundry detergent anymore but will just go down to the river and use a rock instead. Therefore you can't say that the price of laundry detergent is inflationary because nobody is buying it. Pretty smart, huh?

The reason I'm mention all this is simply because I think we can use the same logic and apply it to the health care system. If people can't afford prescription drugs anymore because the cost is too high, then simply don't include it in health care costs. Likewise if people can't afford health insurance or hospitalization, cross 'em off the list. I think you'll find if you eliminate these and other volatile items from the health care equation, the cost of health care will be substantially reduced. With enough adjustment to the numbers, I think we can bring down health care costs to no more than the price of a Band-aid. Remembering once again America's poor math skills and I'd say the health care crisis would be solved.

I could go on but I think that's enough for today. Besides, solving the energy, housing and health care crises is more than enough for any blog.