I Think I'm Paranoid

Just when everyone was ready to write off the consumer, we come through again. No matter how high gas prices go or how low home prices sink, Americans just want to go shopping. At least that's what the numbers say, and we all know the numbers never lie.

The numbers were brought home to me the other day when I went for a ride through the tony town of Woodside, California. Woodside is a small town up in the redwoods and is home to many of valley's well-to-do, like Gordon Moore and Larry Ellison as well as Michelle Pfeiffer, Neil Young and others. So here we are with gas predicted to reach $5.00 or more per gallon, and yet judging by the number of SUV's on the road you'd never know that gas prices were putting a dent in anyone's wallet up in Woodside. The local gas station had regular on sale for $4.15 per gallon, which had to put the price of a filling up one of those behemoths somewhere north of $100.00 per tankful, yet no one seemed distressed at all. In fact, riding through town felt like riding in the middle of the Russian May Day parade with all the tanks and heavy armor rolling down the street.

Which just goes to prove the point that the price of gas really only affects the poor and middle class. The rich could care less, and if it were practical to take a Lear jet from their front door to the grocery store I'm sure they'd do it, and not think twice about the waste. I guess that's the whole point of being rich, isn't it? You get to tell the whole world to piss off, and there's nothing they can do about it.

So anyway, I'm at this coffee shop called Peet's (you probably have them where you live) and I'm sipping a cappucino and just sort of browsing around the store, when I see this thing called a "double wall tea infuser". So naturally I think to myself "what the hell is a double wall tea infuser?", but instead of asking someone I just opened the box and took a look inside. You know what? It turns out a double wall tea infuser is nothing more than a glass cup with a little basket inside.

Now back in the old days we had these little tea baskets too, only we called them "strainers", and you could pick one up for about 50 cents at the local five and dime. But now, as if to prove the point that people wll buy anything as long as it's "scientific", Peet's is taking a cup and a strainer, repackaging them as "double walled tea infuser's" and selling them to poor unsuspecting suckers for 30 bucks a pop.

Geez, why didn't I think of that?

Of course they're not selling them to suckers, they're selling them to all of those tea gourmet's out there, and I'm sure these people will passionately insist that to make a really proper cup of tea you simply must use a high quality infuser. In fact, I bet some of these people look down their noses at Peet's double walled tea infusers and insist that "authentic" infusers come from England or Italy or something like that, and have to be imported and cost hundreds of dollars. I bet there are people like that. I bet you've met people like that. They live in places like Woodside and drive SUV"s.

Well, all I can say to those people is that I grew up in a Japanese household and probably a day never went by that my Japanese mother didn't make at least one pot of tea, and in all that time I don't ever remember her once asking me to go to the cupboard and fetch her a tea infuser. When mom made tea it was a very simple process. She took some tea leaves out of the can and put them in the teapot, poured in some boiling water, let it steep for about 5 minutes or so, and then poured it into a cup. I swear, as God is my witness, there was no infusion involved.

And after all, what's the big deal? It's just tea. I drank the stuff all the time when I was growing up and it's really no big deal. You find a way to make it the way you like it and that's about all there is to tea. It's not that complicated, people. But of course nowdays everyone has to take things so seriously and be so scientific about everything. They have to buy tea books and take tea classes and learn about all the different tea varieties and have tea tastings and take tea notes and subscribe to tea magazines and then, I don't know, write a thesis or pass a tea test or something.

Ah, the world makes me crazy sometimes. It's just tea. You don't need "double walled tea infusers". Sheesh, what's next?

How about this. In San Jose there used to be a bowling alley called Fiesta Lanes. It was down on San Carlos Street and was in a shopping center next to one of the cities older suburuban neighborhoods. Well, as luck would have it there came a day when bowling wasn't as popular as it used to be, and a few years ago Fiesta Lanes shut down. The city was left with an empty lot and a derelict old building, and needed to find something to fill the space.

Not a problem because at that time the city (and the entire country) found itself in the middle of a wildly speculative real estate boom, and so it was decided to develop the property and build some high density housing on the site, with the stipulation that some of the housing units be set aside as BMR (below market rate) properties. The developer agreed and soon the construction began.

Seems perfectly reasonable so far, except for one thing: they forgot to ask the neighbors. Right from the beginning the project was beset by complaints from neighboring homeowners concerned about the noise created by the construction and the congestion that would result from building a high density project in their backyard, so to speak. Finally, last week things really came to a head when the developer sent letters to some of the neighbors informing them that, according to a recently completed survey, their properties were encroaching onto the developer's lands, some by as much as ten feet.

Well, the story made it into the local paper, and the only reason I'm mentioning it here tonight is because of what the locals said to the reporter who went out to get community reaction for his article. Sure, they were upset that the developer was threatening to tear down fences and take some of their property, but what really incensed people about the whole project was the "ghettoization of their neighborhood."

Remember those BMR units that the developer agreed to provide? Well, it seems the neighbors are afraid that BMR means that the wrong element (latinos, probably) would be moving into their neighborhood and bringing the criminal element with them. That's not surprising. Let's face it, there's a reason why cities build low income housing projects next to the freeway or the railyards and not in Malibu or Central Park West. It's called NIMBY.

The funny thing, though, wasn't the worried neighbors. It was finding out what qualifies as BMR in Silicon Valley. Mind you, out here a million dollar house is considered a fixer-upper and homebuyers don't think twice about writing a check to pay for that 5 or 6 million dollar home up in the hills, but when I found out that the BMR's that the developer was building would be selling for $500k, I had to shake my head and do a double-take. Only in Silicon Valley would a half of a million dollars to buy you a "ghetto" unit. Can you just imagine how destitute the poor unfortunates must be who can only manage 500 grand for a roof over their heads? And the children, the children...

All I can say is if you're planning to move out here, and it seems like plenty of people are, you better bring water (drought), insurance (earthquake, fire, flood), and lots and lots of cash.

Oh, and your SUV, of course.