Deal Me In George
Haven't talked much about Social Security lately but Lord knows everyone else has. Which is a bit strange don't you think? I mean the whole Social Security debate is really like a bunch of people on Let's Make A Deal all arguing about what's behind door number 3. Who knows? Everyone's got an opinion but no one seems to know the details. Well I figure the only way I'm ever going to get a clear explanation is by going straight to the top.
"Hello Mr. President. Can you please explain to the American people just what your plan for Social Security is?"
"It's all about ownership and people taking responsibilty for their own futures."
"Yes I see but what will it cost?"
"What's the cost of doing nothing?"
"You see that's my point. What IS the cost of doing nothing?"
"The cost is a Social Security system that's bankrupt and unable to meet it's obligations."
"Do you mean that at some point Social Security is going to stop paying benefits?"
"We will not break our trust with the American people."
"Huh? Does that mean you are going to reduce benefits?"
"Young workers will do far better with Personal Savings Accounts than they would under the current system."
"How much are you going to reduce benefits?"
"Personal Savings Account will give many young workers a real opportunity for wealth creation."
"Yes, but by how much are you going to reduce benefits?"
"Under our plan all the money you earn in your Personal Saving Account is yours. You own it and the government cannot touch it."
"Yes, but the benefits. How much will they be cut....Oh, never mind."
"We need to move to an ownership society."
"As opposed to a leasehold society, I suppose. Well let's pretend for a moment that I know what you mean by that. Some say that under your plan benefits will need to be cut by about 55% in order to balance the books, and others say that the real purpose behind your reforms is to gradually abolish the Social Security System all together. Would you care to comment on that?"
"No one over the age of 55 will be affected by my proposal nor see any changes to the benefits they are receiving now or plan to receive in the future."
"Thank you for your clarification Mr. President, and let me just say that I happen to agree with you that younger workers need to save more for their retirements. I'm not sure if gutting Social Security is the best way to achieve that goal, but if I were a twenty-something just starting out I'd certainly be in favor of Personal Savings Accounts. What we don't know, of course, and what you won't tell us, is how much safety net will be left forty years down the road or even if our PSA's will be all the net we get.
On the other hand maybe it doesn't matter because unless these twenty-somethings don't plan on getting sick or old when they retire, their medical costs are going to eat up any money they may have managed to set aside. Let's face it, with costs rising the way they are now that 50, 60 or 70 thousand dollar hospital bill you might get today will seem pretty cheap forty years from now when that same stay could run into the tens of millions. And that's not even accounting for the monthly drug bills, lab bills, long term care, it just goes on and on."
"Which is why we passed our Health Savings Accounts legislation back in 2003."
"You think the HSA's will cover it?"
"The important thing is that workers will have a choice. They can either choose to get the drugs and other treatments, or they can choose to drop dead. That's not a decision the government should make."
"Well thanks again, Mr. President. It's been terrible talking to you."
"Anytime."
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Diogenes Calls It A Day
And so it came to pass that I grew tired of this life - tired of the hypocrisy, the money grubbing, the sycophants and ass-kissers - and became a wanderer and seeker of truth. Through countless towns and villages I travelled, through cities and farms, across oceans and continents, everywhere asking "where is meaning, where is truth" and finding none. Till one day I came to rest beside a small stream and spied a small water nymph.
"Oh water nymph", I cried in desperation, "where is the truth? I've searched everywhere but all I've found is obfuscation and lies. Is there no truth to be found in this world?"
Crushed and disheartened I lay my head down in the tall grass and began to sob. To my amazement a voice spoke to me.
"If you seek the truth, o' wanderer, then you must travel far from here and find the 'true path'. Only the 'true path' that can lead you to the land of enlightenment and self-knowledge."
Stunned, I looked around to find the speaker of these words, but there was no one. I looked upstream and downstream, I searched the trees and bushes and scanned the horizon as far as the eye could see, and yet not a soul could I find. Finally, looking down into the water I saw it was none other than the water nymph who addressed me.
"Water nymph", I cried, "is it you who has spoken so wisely just now?"
"Yes", said the water nymph. "Leave this place and find the 'true path'. It is there to the east, beyond the river and the sea. Find the 'true path' my son and all your wanderings will be over."
Full of promise and hope I thanked the water nymph and began my journey to find the 'true path'. And it was there in the east, just as he had said. Eagerly I began to walk down the path of enlightenment, and so it was that after several days journey the path ended and I found myself in front of a great iron gate. Nearby, a small hut stood in a clearing and anxiously I entered. Inside it was dark and musty and I spied a bearded old man smoking a pipe beside a fire.
"Are you the source of all truth?" I asked him.
"Oh, ho, ho, heavens no my son. I am merely a poor gatekeeper. Is it the truth you are looking for?"
"Yes, Mr. Gatekeeper, and I've travelled so very far. Tell me, how much farther is it till I find the real, honest, everlasting truth?"
"Oh, you are very close my son. I can see you have travelled very far and now I will tell you your wandering is almost over. Hear these words. Past this gate you will find the 'Mountain of Lies ', and know this - before you can enter the realm of truth you must ascend this mountain, and the climb is perilous and slippery and full of danger and deceit. "
"I will climb this mountain" I cried. "I am not afraid."
"You are very brave, my son", said the old man, "and know this - at the top of the mountain you will find an altar. And within the altar you will find the Oracle. Ask the Oracle for guidance and he will answer you with the truth for which you seek."
Excited and confused I thanked the old man and passed through the gate to begin my climb up the 'Mountain of Lies'. Though my hands were cut and bruised, though my eyes were stung from wind and sand, though my toes were frozen with frosbite, still I climbed, higher and higher, till at last I dragged my beaten and broken body up to the very peak of the mountain. And there I saw it. Bright and golden, gleaming in the distance, stood the altar of the Oracle of Truth. Numbed from exhaustion I gathered all my remaining strength and walked down the gentle slope towards the golden light. As I approached I could see inside the altar, with his back to me, the form and figure of the Oracle. In white robes he sat, a halo of light circling his head, and as I approached I tingled with excitement for finally my search for the truth had ended. I circled in front of him and slowly his face came into view. So this was the face of truth, I thought, so this is face of all that is honest and pure, so this is...
"Jose Canseco?"
"Can I help you my son?"
"Jose Canseco! You're the Oracle of Truth?"
"Yes, let there be no more lies. Did you come seeking the Truth?"
"B...b...b...but Jose, you can't be the Oracle of Truth. I know you. I grew up in the Bay Area. You were always a lying, greedy, self-aggrandizing jerk. How can you now be the Oracle of Truth?"
"Easy - I wrote a book. Now is there something you wanted to ask me? Is there some truth you want revealed?"
"Uh, yeah. Um, I guess so. Let me see. Ok, I got one. Tell me oh great Oracle of Truth, what is the true secret to happiness?"
"Do you have a major credit card?"
"Excuse me."
"A major credit card. I'll need your credit card before I can answer that. I take VISA, Mastercard, or American Express."
"But I don't have a credit card. I left behind all worldly things and material goods when I climbed up this mountain."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that", said the Oracle. "Maybe you can come back later."
"But you said you'd answer my question."
"Well, things are different now, aren't they? Please, why don't you go back and get your wallet and then we'll talk about this later."
"But..."
"Please, you're holding up the line. Please. Step aside and let someone else have a turn."
And so I left, my poor heart full of sorrow and regret. To come so close and not bring a major credit card. How could I be so stupid. But at least I got to see the truth, to almost touch it even. Imagine that. Jose Canseco, the great Oracle of Truth. Who'd have figured.
And so it came to pass that I grew tired of this life - tired of the hypocrisy, the money grubbing, the sycophants and ass-kissers - and became a wanderer and seeker of truth. Through countless towns and villages I travelled, through cities and farms, across oceans and continents, everywhere asking "where is meaning, where is truth" and finding none. Till one day I came to rest beside a small stream and spied a small water nymph.
"Oh water nymph", I cried in desperation, "where is the truth? I've searched everywhere but all I've found is obfuscation and lies. Is there no truth to be found in this world?"
Crushed and disheartened I lay my head down in the tall grass and began to sob. To my amazement a voice spoke to me.
"If you seek the truth, o' wanderer, then you must travel far from here and find the 'true path'. Only the 'true path' that can lead you to the land of enlightenment and self-knowledge."
Stunned, I looked around to find the speaker of these words, but there was no one. I looked upstream and downstream, I searched the trees and bushes and scanned the horizon as far as the eye could see, and yet not a soul could I find. Finally, looking down into the water I saw it was none other than the water nymph who addressed me.
"Water nymph", I cried, "is it you who has spoken so wisely just now?"
"Yes", said the water nymph. "Leave this place and find the 'true path'. It is there to the east, beyond the river and the sea. Find the 'true path' my son and all your wanderings will be over."
Full of promise and hope I thanked the water nymph and began my journey to find the 'true path'. And it was there in the east, just as he had said. Eagerly I began to walk down the path of enlightenment, and so it was that after several days journey the path ended and I found myself in front of a great iron gate. Nearby, a small hut stood in a clearing and anxiously I entered. Inside it was dark and musty and I spied a bearded old man smoking a pipe beside a fire.
"Are you the source of all truth?" I asked him.
"Oh, ho, ho, heavens no my son. I am merely a poor gatekeeper. Is it the truth you are looking for?"
"Yes, Mr. Gatekeeper, and I've travelled so very far. Tell me, how much farther is it till I find the real, honest, everlasting truth?"
"Oh, you are very close my son. I can see you have travelled very far and now I will tell you your wandering is almost over. Hear these words. Past this gate you will find the 'Mountain of Lies ', and know this - before you can enter the realm of truth you must ascend this mountain, and the climb is perilous and slippery and full of danger and deceit. "
"I will climb this mountain" I cried. "I am not afraid."
"You are very brave, my son", said the old man, "and know this - at the top of the mountain you will find an altar. And within the altar you will find the Oracle. Ask the Oracle for guidance and he will answer you with the truth for which you seek."
Excited and confused I thanked the old man and passed through the gate to begin my climb up the 'Mountain of Lies'. Though my hands were cut and bruised, though my eyes were stung from wind and sand, though my toes were frozen with frosbite, still I climbed, higher and higher, till at last I dragged my beaten and broken body up to the very peak of the mountain. And there I saw it. Bright and golden, gleaming in the distance, stood the altar of the Oracle of Truth. Numbed from exhaustion I gathered all my remaining strength and walked down the gentle slope towards the golden light. As I approached I could see inside the altar, with his back to me, the form and figure of the Oracle. In white robes he sat, a halo of light circling his head, and as I approached I tingled with excitement for finally my search for the truth had ended. I circled in front of him and slowly his face came into view. So this was the face of truth, I thought, so this is face of all that is honest and pure, so this is...
"Jose Canseco?"
"Can I help you my son?"
"Jose Canseco! You're the Oracle of Truth?"
"Yes, let there be no more lies. Did you come seeking the Truth?"
"B...b...b...but Jose, you can't be the Oracle of Truth. I know you. I grew up in the Bay Area. You were always a lying, greedy, self-aggrandizing jerk. How can you now be the Oracle of Truth?"
"Easy - I wrote a book. Now is there something you wanted to ask me? Is there some truth you want revealed?"
"Uh, yeah. Um, I guess so. Let me see. Ok, I got one. Tell me oh great Oracle of Truth, what is the true secret to happiness?"
"Do you have a major credit card?"
"Excuse me."
"A major credit card. I'll need your credit card before I can answer that. I take VISA, Mastercard, or American Express."
"But I don't have a credit card. I left behind all worldly things and material goods when I climbed up this mountain."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that", said the Oracle. "Maybe you can come back later."
"But you said you'd answer my question."
"Well, things are different now, aren't they? Please, why don't you go back and get your wallet and then we'll talk about this later."
"But..."
"Please, you're holding up the line. Please. Step aside and let someone else have a turn."
And so I left, my poor heart full of sorrow and regret. To come so close and not bring a major credit card. How could I be so stupid. But at least I got to see the truth, to almost touch it even. Imagine that. Jose Canseco, the great Oracle of Truth. Who'd have figured.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Wake Me When Supper's Ready
Burt Bacharach was wrong, of course. Very wrong. The world doesn't need any more love, we got plenty of that. If you ask me what the world needs now is sleep.
That's truly the only thing that there's just too little of.
Take me, for example. Every morning when that alarm clock goes off it's obvious that I haven't slept long enough. It's obvious that I'm in no condition to get out of bed and face the world. And yet off I go, groggy, sleep deprived, wondering why it is that just once I couldn't forget all my cares and spend an entire week sleeping in bed. You know, just once wouldn't it be nice to really get some sleeping done. Real sleep. Not just enough sleep to make it through the day, but sleep that would get all the tired right out of me, sleep that would just get down there and drain every little pool of weariness from my body. Ah, that would be nice - an entire week of nothing but sleep. 168 hours straight, and when I finally got up I'd feel new and refreshed and...
go right back to bed and sleep some more.
It would be nice and also provide invaluable data for my sleep theory (in case you were wondering if there was a point to all this). My research is still in the early stages, mind you, so I don't have anything definitive to say at present, however I will be publishing an important scientific paper about it one day (after I finish my great libretto) so I might as well share what I have so far.
It seems to me that we have this sleep thing all backwards. That is, the science so far has all been based on this notion of "why do we sleep?" That's the way most lay people look at it too, and I say that's all wrong. We should not ask "why do we sleep?" but rather "why do we wake?". Think about it. When you were born what's the first thing you did after you had yourself a good cry? Right! You went to sleep. Babies are no fools. They know that if there's no good reason to be awake then they should have themselves a good sleep. It's just the natural and healthy thing to do.
But as we grow and mature into adulthood we begin to forget all that. We lose that inner child. Face it, there are really only 3 good reasons to be awake anyways - defense, nutrition and fornication. Other than those 3 things, there's no need for us to be up and moving about, fighting traffic, talking on the phone, watching TV or whatever. A person could live quite well by just avoiding danger, getting something to eat, fornicating and sleeping. That's what my theory would call the Ideal State of Man.
But we humans, being the higher order creatures we are, like to complicate things. We let our egos get the better of us and all of a sudden we have all these things to do and places to go and people to meet and schedules and timetables and appointments and clocks and alarms and cell phones and blackberries all hammering at us to keep going all the time, just go, go, go all day, everyday, until finally we are beaten into submission and drop dead of a high cholesterol and a heart attack. Don't you see. We don't have sleep disorders, we have wake disorders. In fact some people's lives are nothing more than wake disorders, one right after the other.
And that's why I believe that it's time for all of us to just go back to sleep. It's time for us to reconnect with our inner child. It's time to turn off our alarm clock and not show up to work or school until we're good and rested. It's time for us to be what nature intended us to be. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. C'mon them, sing it with me
Lord, we don't need another mountain
There are mountains and hillsides enough to climb.
There are oceans and rivers enough to cross,
Enough to last
'Til the end of time.
What the world needs now is ....
On The Beach
I was watching the Travel Channel and this show about Australia comes on, and it was simply amazing. Did you know that Australia was just one long series of empty, tropical beaches populated with nothing but golden-skinned goddesses in string bikinis? I didn't know that, but that's what the TV show said, so I asked my email buddy Sandy about it. She lives down near Melbourne and first I told her about the show and how there were all these empty beaches with golden-skinned goddesses and then I asked her if all of Australia was like that and she said
Yeah, sure. It's an entire continent of nothing but empty beaches and golden-skinned goddesses.
Well you could have knocked me over with a feather, but then as I was about to book my flight it occurred to me that maybe Sandy wasn't being totally honest. I mean she's a great person and I had no reason to doubt her word, but they must be a few blokes around down there, don't you think? I mean they play that weird kind of football and Rod Laver was Australian, wasn't he? It can't all be bronze goddesses. And then I started thinking if they do have blokes down there, then fat chance they're gonna help me find those beaches.
"Uh, g'day there mate. You wouldn't happen to know where I can find an empty beach with golden-skinned goddesses in string bikinis like I saw on the Travel Channel would you?"
"Eh, bugger off. Those beaches are for Aussies, not the likes of you."
"No, you don't understand. I saw it on TV. Apparently these girls stand around in skimpy swimwear all day just hoping to meet friendly American tourists on winter holiday. If you could just point me in the right direction I'd really apprecia-"
"How about I point my fist into your ugly little face."
"Well you don't have to be rude. I was only asking because I saw it on the Travel Channel and I came all the way down here from America to... Look, I even brought scented body oils in case, you know, one of them needed a little rubdown."
"We ain't got no beaches."
"No beaches?"
"No."
And that would be that. Nothing to do but go home if they're gonna cop that kind of an attitude. Damn Aussies. I wouldn't even have bothered if I knew they were gonna be like that. Whole continent full of golden goddesses in string bikinis and they won't even point a stranger in the right direction. No use in going if they're gonna be like that.
So I stayed home.
And I'm not watching the Travel Channel anymore.
Burt Bacharach was wrong, of course. Very wrong. The world doesn't need any more love, we got plenty of that. If you ask me what the world needs now is sleep.
That's truly the only thing that there's just too little of.
Take me, for example. Every morning when that alarm clock goes off it's obvious that I haven't slept long enough. It's obvious that I'm in no condition to get out of bed and face the world. And yet off I go, groggy, sleep deprived, wondering why it is that just once I couldn't forget all my cares and spend an entire week sleeping in bed. You know, just once wouldn't it be nice to really get some sleeping done. Real sleep. Not just enough sleep to make it through the day, but sleep that would get all the tired right out of me, sleep that would just get down there and drain every little pool of weariness from my body. Ah, that would be nice - an entire week of nothing but sleep. 168 hours straight, and when I finally got up I'd feel new and refreshed and...
go right back to bed and sleep some more.
It would be nice and also provide invaluable data for my sleep theory (in case you were wondering if there was a point to all this). My research is still in the early stages, mind you, so I don't have anything definitive to say at present, however I will be publishing an important scientific paper about it one day (after I finish my great libretto) so I might as well share what I have so far.
It seems to me that we have this sleep thing all backwards. That is, the science so far has all been based on this notion of "why do we sleep?" That's the way most lay people look at it too, and I say that's all wrong. We should not ask "why do we sleep?" but rather "why do we wake?". Think about it. When you were born what's the first thing you did after you had yourself a good cry? Right! You went to sleep. Babies are no fools. They know that if there's no good reason to be awake then they should have themselves a good sleep. It's just the natural and healthy thing to do.
But as we grow and mature into adulthood we begin to forget all that. We lose that inner child. Face it, there are really only 3 good reasons to be awake anyways - defense, nutrition and fornication. Other than those 3 things, there's no need for us to be up and moving about, fighting traffic, talking on the phone, watching TV or whatever. A person could live quite well by just avoiding danger, getting something to eat, fornicating and sleeping. That's what my theory would call the Ideal State of Man.
But we humans, being the higher order creatures we are, like to complicate things. We let our egos get the better of us and all of a sudden we have all these things to do and places to go and people to meet and schedules and timetables and appointments and clocks and alarms and cell phones and blackberries all hammering at us to keep going all the time, just go, go, go all day, everyday, until finally we are beaten into submission and drop dead of a high cholesterol and a heart attack. Don't you see. We don't have sleep disorders, we have wake disorders. In fact some people's lives are nothing more than wake disorders, one right after the other.
And that's why I believe that it's time for all of us to just go back to sleep. It's time for us to reconnect with our inner child. It's time to turn off our alarm clock and not show up to work or school until we're good and rested. It's time for us to be what nature intended us to be. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. C'mon them, sing it with me
Lord, we don't need another mountain
There are mountains and hillsides enough to climb.
There are oceans and rivers enough to cross,
Enough to last
'Til the end of time.
What the world needs now is ....
On The Beach
I was watching the Travel Channel and this show about Australia comes on, and it was simply amazing. Did you know that Australia was just one long series of empty, tropical beaches populated with nothing but golden-skinned goddesses in string bikinis? I didn't know that, but that's what the TV show said, so I asked my email buddy Sandy about it. She lives down near Melbourne and first I told her about the show and how there were all these empty beaches with golden-skinned goddesses and then I asked her if all of Australia was like that and she said
Yeah, sure. It's an entire continent of nothing but empty beaches and golden-skinned goddesses.
Well you could have knocked me over with a feather, but then as I was about to book my flight it occurred to me that maybe Sandy wasn't being totally honest. I mean she's a great person and I had no reason to doubt her word, but they must be a few blokes around down there, don't you think? I mean they play that weird kind of football and Rod Laver was Australian, wasn't he? It can't all be bronze goddesses. And then I started thinking if they do have blokes down there, then fat chance they're gonna help me find those beaches.
"Uh, g'day there mate. You wouldn't happen to know where I can find an empty beach with golden-skinned goddesses in string bikinis like I saw on the Travel Channel would you?"
"Eh, bugger off. Those beaches are for Aussies, not the likes of you."
"No, you don't understand. I saw it on TV. Apparently these girls stand around in skimpy swimwear all day just hoping to meet friendly American tourists on winter holiday. If you could just point me in the right direction I'd really apprecia-"
"How about I point my fist into your ugly little face."
"Well you don't have to be rude. I was only asking because I saw it on the Travel Channel and I came all the way down here from America to... Look, I even brought scented body oils in case, you know, one of them needed a little rubdown."
"We ain't got no beaches."
"No beaches?"
"No."
And that would be that. Nothing to do but go home if they're gonna cop that kind of an attitude. Damn Aussies. I wouldn't even have bothered if I knew they were gonna be like that. Whole continent full of golden goddesses in string bikinis and they won't even point a stranger in the right direction. No use in going if they're gonna be like that.
So I stayed home.
And I'm not watching the Travel Channel anymore.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
It Ain't Too Hard To Live With Somebody Else's Troubles
(They don't make you lose any sleep at night)
Scientists call them "conversations you don't want to have" and everyone knows how unpredictable they can be. You can be having the most pleasant little chat with someone then all of a sudden - BLAM! - the whole thing starts to turn. I ran into an old co-worker of mine today.
"Hey D. , is that you. Man I haven't seen you in years."
"Tony? How are you? I haven't talked to you in ages."
"Yeah, how long has it been? Must be at least 6 or 7 years."
"You're looking great - haven't changed a bit."
(So far, so good)
"Thanks, you're looking pretty good yourself. Say are you still working for ..."
"No, I got laid off."
(BLAM!)
"Laid off? Are you kidding. Why?"
"I don't know. I've been out of work for over a year and there's just nothing out there."
(Over a year! Oh geez, I do not want to have this conversation)
"Things are that bad?"
"Worse. Thirty years in the business and then suddenly no one wants you anymore."
(You're making me nervous here D. You know I've got over 20 years in the business myself...can we please end this conversation)
"Geez, I'm sorry to hear that. How are you doing? Are you getting by ok?"
"Yeah. I'm getting by. How are things around here? Are you guys pretty busy?"
"No, it's been slow. "
"Yeah, that's what I heard. I've been putting in my applications but no one's hiring. I've got all this experience, you know, but what are you going to do?"
(Tell me about it. All I can say is there but for the grace of God go...no, I don't want to deal with this right now. Please, don't make me deal with this)
"Yeah, it's pretty tough. "
So anyways, for some reason that got me thinking about Siegfried. (Yeah, I know it's weird). I started thinking about the part where he drinks the dragon's blood and the songbird explains to him that now he has the power to hear what is truly in people's hearts. For some reason the whole conversation just started me wondering what would happen if I drank some of that dragon's blood and instead of hearing what is truly in other people's hearts, they could hear what is truly in my heart. If instead of trying to say something kind I just said what was really on my mind. I know it would never work in real life but it just might work in a blog.
"Hey D., how are you?"
"Not too good. I got laid off."
"Oh really. Well, it was just a matter of time."
"What?"
"No, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that when you start getting old, you know, they want to push you out the door. At least nowadays they do."
"I had thirty years in the business."
"So?"
"So, that ought to count for something."
"Says who? Face facts, D. After thirty years all you are is a great big drag on the balance sheet, you know what I mean? The world's changing. All an employer wants these days is some drone who'll push keys on a computer for a dollar a day. And who can blame them. I mean you can't blame the lion for devouring the sheep, can you? That's the way he makes his living."
"Well thanks. That makes me feel completely worthless. Got any more good cheer you want to spread?"
"Ah, I'm sorry. I don't know what's got into me. I got some dragon blood on my hand and took a little taste and all of sudden I'm saying all these crazy things."
"No, forget about it. You're right. It's all numbers and computers now."
"Yeah, I'm just counting the days myself. So far I've been lucky, but someday my luck's gonna change, you know? I mean it's been nice working in a department that doesn't really have any tech-savvy people in it, after all a technological backwater does have it's advantages, jobwise, but I know that someday some corporate tech-head is gonna come walking through that door and figure things out. You know?"
"Like what?"
"Like the whole outsourcing thing. It's all electronic now, D. It's all online. Sooner or later someone's gonna figure out that there are college grads in Bombay making 10 dollars a week who could do a lot of this work just as well as we can sitting here in this office. And when they do... well, I hope you'll save me a spot in the unemployment line."
"Thirty years in the business and... "
"I hear ya."
"And when that day comes what do you think you'll do?"
"Well I hear there's this blond sleeping on a rock."
"Huh?"
"Forget it. Bad joke."
So that was my day. Pretty depressing, if I do say so myself. After all these years it's back to the same old question of what do you want to do when you grow up. Problem is I still haven't figured that one out.
I think maybe I'd like to be a concert violinist. I say that because I was over at Hilaryhahn.com the other day catching up on all the latest Hilary news, and I tell ya' being a violin soloist looks like it would be a pretty nice job to have. Lots of travel, lots of food, stay at the best hotels - not a bad way to make a living. Probably a lot of partying and hellraising and groupies and all that too, although I'm not really sure if female concert violinists have groupies. Hmmm, not likely come to think of it. I think they just have rich, sculpted boyfriends with gel in their hair and manicured nails.
Maybe that's what I'll do when I grow up. I'll be Hilary's rich, sculpted boyfriend and follow her around to Paris and Berlin and drive expensive cars and drink expensive champagne and strike elegant poses and flirt shamelessly in nightclubs and create gossip and scandal and... oops, I almost forgot.
I'll need some money first. And I'm gonna need some sculpting too. No, I take that back. I'm gonna need lots of sculpting. Which makes me too old to start the violin and too fat and poor to be a gigolo.
I tell ya', this has been a depressing day.
(They don't make you lose any sleep at night)
Scientists call them "conversations you don't want to have" and everyone knows how unpredictable they can be. You can be having the most pleasant little chat with someone then all of a sudden - BLAM! - the whole thing starts to turn. I ran into an old co-worker of mine today.
"Hey D. , is that you. Man I haven't seen you in years."
"Tony? How are you? I haven't talked to you in ages."
"Yeah, how long has it been? Must be at least 6 or 7 years."
"You're looking great - haven't changed a bit."
(So far, so good)
"Thanks, you're looking pretty good yourself. Say are you still working for ..."
"No, I got laid off."
(BLAM!)
"Laid off? Are you kidding. Why?"
"I don't know. I've been out of work for over a year and there's just nothing out there."
(Over a year! Oh geez, I do not want to have this conversation)
"Things are that bad?"
"Worse. Thirty years in the business and then suddenly no one wants you anymore."
(You're making me nervous here D. You know I've got over 20 years in the business myself...can we please end this conversation)
"Geez, I'm sorry to hear that. How are you doing? Are you getting by ok?"
"Yeah. I'm getting by. How are things around here? Are you guys pretty busy?"
"No, it's been slow. "
"Yeah, that's what I heard. I've been putting in my applications but no one's hiring. I've got all this experience, you know, but what are you going to do?"
(Tell me about it. All I can say is there but for the grace of God go...no, I don't want to deal with this right now. Please, don't make me deal with this)
"Yeah, it's pretty tough. "
So anyways, for some reason that got me thinking about Siegfried. (Yeah, I know it's weird). I started thinking about the part where he drinks the dragon's blood and the songbird explains to him that now he has the power to hear what is truly in people's hearts. For some reason the whole conversation just started me wondering what would happen if I drank some of that dragon's blood and instead of hearing what is truly in other people's hearts, they could hear what is truly in my heart. If instead of trying to say something kind I just said what was really on my mind. I know it would never work in real life but it just might work in a blog.
"Hey D., how are you?"
"Not too good. I got laid off."
"Oh really. Well, it was just a matter of time."
"What?"
"No, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that when you start getting old, you know, they want to push you out the door. At least nowadays they do."
"I had thirty years in the business."
"So?"
"So, that ought to count for something."
"Says who? Face facts, D. After thirty years all you are is a great big drag on the balance sheet, you know what I mean? The world's changing. All an employer wants these days is some drone who'll push keys on a computer for a dollar a day. And who can blame them. I mean you can't blame the lion for devouring the sheep, can you? That's the way he makes his living."
"Well thanks. That makes me feel completely worthless. Got any more good cheer you want to spread?"
"Ah, I'm sorry. I don't know what's got into me. I got some dragon blood on my hand and took a little taste and all of sudden I'm saying all these crazy things."
"No, forget about it. You're right. It's all numbers and computers now."
"Yeah, I'm just counting the days myself. So far I've been lucky, but someday my luck's gonna change, you know? I mean it's been nice working in a department that doesn't really have any tech-savvy people in it, after all a technological backwater does have it's advantages, jobwise, but I know that someday some corporate tech-head is gonna come walking through that door and figure things out. You know?"
"Like what?"
"Like the whole outsourcing thing. It's all electronic now, D. It's all online. Sooner or later someone's gonna figure out that there are college grads in Bombay making 10 dollars a week who could do a lot of this work just as well as we can sitting here in this office. And when they do... well, I hope you'll save me a spot in the unemployment line."
"Thirty years in the business and... "
"I hear ya."
"And when that day comes what do you think you'll do?"
"Well I hear there's this blond sleeping on a rock."
"Huh?"
"Forget it. Bad joke."
So that was my day. Pretty depressing, if I do say so myself. After all these years it's back to the same old question of what do you want to do when you grow up. Problem is I still haven't figured that one out.
I think maybe I'd like to be a concert violinist. I say that because I was over at Hilaryhahn.com the other day catching up on all the latest Hilary news, and I tell ya' being a violin soloist looks like it would be a pretty nice job to have. Lots of travel, lots of food, stay at the best hotels - not a bad way to make a living. Probably a lot of partying and hellraising and groupies and all that too, although I'm not really sure if female concert violinists have groupies. Hmmm, not likely come to think of it. I think they just have rich, sculpted boyfriends with gel in their hair and manicured nails.
Maybe that's what I'll do when I grow up. I'll be Hilary's rich, sculpted boyfriend and follow her around to Paris and Berlin and drive expensive cars and drink expensive champagne and strike elegant poses and flirt shamelessly in nightclubs and create gossip and scandal and... oops, I almost forgot.
I'll need some money first. And I'm gonna need some sculpting too. No, I take that back. I'm gonna need lots of sculpting. Which makes me too old to start the violin and too fat and poor to be a gigolo.
I tell ya', this has been a depressing day.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Got A Rocket In My Pocket
The Consumer Electronics Show came and went this year and the big news was that there really was no big news. The TV's are getting bigger, the music players are getting smaller, the computers are getting faster, everything's becoming connected, and yet the fact remains that the world needs a new technology. I never thought I'd say this but tech is starting to get boring.
I think part of the problem can be illustrated with this new PDA I have sitting here in front of me. It's a Dell Axim X30 that I picked up for around $300.00 last Christmas. If you're not familiar with PDA's those are those little Palm Pilot devices that used to be popular about 5 years ago which some people still use for calendaring and contact management. Nice little devices that I've owned in one form or another since I bought my original Palm III back in the late 90's, I guess.
Well, needless to say things have changed over the past decade and my new PDA is nothing like that old Palm III. In fact I've bought PC's that didn't have the hardware specs that my new PDA has - 624MHz processor, 64 MB Ram, 64MB Rom, built-in wireless networking with Bluetooth, etc... Man, we're way beyond calendaring and contact management now.
And that's the big tech problem.
Just think about it. I now carry around in my pocket a slender, lightweight device which can not only keep track of my information but can also play music, play videos, store and display ebooks, store and display audio books, fetch email, surf the web (sort of), download news and rss feeds, store and play radio shows, and, well, just about anything else you could ever imagine or want a computer to do. And that's just the basics. If I wanted to spend a few extra bucks it could also be my gps device, my home theater remote, my digital camera, or any of a dozen or more other uses which have been developed for it. What's even more impressive is that this isn't even a top of the line PDA. In fact, if you've got the cash there are some PDA's and Smartphones for sale that'll blow the lid off of this one.
So what's my point. My point is that I don't need any more technology than this. Other than cleaning the gutters and taking out the garbage, this little device does just about everything I need a device to do. That's why I think the Tech world has hit this little rut it's in - there simply isn't a big enough need out there to lead tech to the next big step. I've already got a desktop PC that's got more power than I can use. I've got a 2 year old laptop that still has plenty of juice to do the things I need a laptop to do (which is less and less since I got the new PDA), and, like I said, I've got this new Dell Axim which is probably the last PDA I'll be buying for quite a while.
Face it all you techies out there, we need a new frontier. HDTV's? Nah, not right now. I can wait a few years for the prices to come down. New music players? I still haven't used up the 60 gigs I've got already. Satellite Radio? Nah, no thanks. I'm lucky to have a great over the air radio station where I live, and even if I didn't I'd rather listen to my own playlist than somebody else's. Mac Mini? Pleeeeeze, I've got more computers and more computing power than I know what to do with.
No, if there's going to be a next step then it's going to be in the direction of better utilizing the technology we already have. That means the future, at least in the short term, is going to belong to the content people like Itunes or Audible.com, or the Podcasters, or maybe even a Movielink or Cinemanow.com. Whoever it is, it won't belong to the Intels or Sony's or other big names we've gotten so used to in the past.
At least that's what my crystal ball is telling me, and, as I've said before, my crystal ball has always been wrong.
PS. Almost forgot, there's is one thing my Axim won't do. One of the first applications I tried was a trial version of 'DVD to Pocket PC' which promised it could rip any DVD and reformat it to play on my PDA. Just to test it out I ripped a DVD of Madama Butterfly (which I happen to own, Mr. MPAA), copied it onto the the storage card, and played it using Windows Media Player for Pocket PC. The results were unbelievable. The video was rock solid, the picture was so clear I could even read the subtitles, and the digital stereo coming through the headphones was sweet and pure and totally in sync with the video. No stutter, no stammer, no nothing, but there was one little problem - no Dolby Digital Surround Sound. Come on Dell. Are you telling me that with everything else you packed into that device you c0uldn't fit 5 speakers and subwoofer in there too? Geez, what a rip-off.
The Consumer Electronics Show came and went this year and the big news was that there really was no big news. The TV's are getting bigger, the music players are getting smaller, the computers are getting faster, everything's becoming connected, and yet the fact remains that the world needs a new technology. I never thought I'd say this but tech is starting to get boring.
I think part of the problem can be illustrated with this new PDA I have sitting here in front of me. It's a Dell Axim X30 that I picked up for around $300.00 last Christmas. If you're not familiar with PDA's those are those little Palm Pilot devices that used to be popular about 5 years ago which some people still use for calendaring and contact management. Nice little devices that I've owned in one form or another since I bought my original Palm III back in the late 90's, I guess.
Well, needless to say things have changed over the past decade and my new PDA is nothing like that old Palm III. In fact I've bought PC's that didn't have the hardware specs that my new PDA has - 624MHz processor, 64 MB Ram, 64MB Rom, built-in wireless networking with Bluetooth, etc... Man, we're way beyond calendaring and contact management now.
And that's the big tech problem.
Just think about it. I now carry around in my pocket a slender, lightweight device which can not only keep track of my information but can also play music, play videos, store and display ebooks, store and display audio books, fetch email, surf the web (sort of), download news and rss feeds, store and play radio shows, and, well, just about anything else you could ever imagine or want a computer to do. And that's just the basics. If I wanted to spend a few extra bucks it could also be my gps device, my home theater remote, my digital camera, or any of a dozen or more other uses which have been developed for it. What's even more impressive is that this isn't even a top of the line PDA. In fact, if you've got the cash there are some PDA's and Smartphones for sale that'll blow the lid off of this one.
So what's my point. My point is that I don't need any more technology than this. Other than cleaning the gutters and taking out the garbage, this little device does just about everything I need a device to do. That's why I think the Tech world has hit this little rut it's in - there simply isn't a big enough need out there to lead tech to the next big step. I've already got a desktop PC that's got more power than I can use. I've got a 2 year old laptop that still has plenty of juice to do the things I need a laptop to do (which is less and less since I got the new PDA), and, like I said, I've got this new Dell Axim which is probably the last PDA I'll be buying for quite a while.
Face it all you techies out there, we need a new frontier. HDTV's? Nah, not right now. I can wait a few years for the prices to come down. New music players? I still haven't used up the 60 gigs I've got already. Satellite Radio? Nah, no thanks. I'm lucky to have a great over the air radio station where I live, and even if I didn't I'd rather listen to my own playlist than somebody else's. Mac Mini? Pleeeeeze, I've got more computers and more computing power than I know what to do with.
No, if there's going to be a next step then it's going to be in the direction of better utilizing the technology we already have. That means the future, at least in the short term, is going to belong to the content people like Itunes or Audible.com, or the Podcasters, or maybe even a Movielink or Cinemanow.com. Whoever it is, it won't belong to the Intels or Sony's or other big names we've gotten so used to in the past.
At least that's what my crystal ball is telling me, and, as I've said before, my crystal ball has always been wrong.
PS. Almost forgot, there's is one thing my Axim won't do. One of the first applications I tried was a trial version of 'DVD to Pocket PC' which promised it could rip any DVD and reformat it to play on my PDA. Just to test it out I ripped a DVD of Madama Butterfly (which I happen to own, Mr. MPAA), copied it onto the the storage card, and played it using Windows Media Player for Pocket PC. The results were unbelievable. The video was rock solid, the picture was so clear I could even read the subtitles, and the digital stereo coming through the headphones was sweet and pure and totally in sync with the video. No stutter, no stammer, no nothing, but there was one little problem - no Dolby Digital Surround Sound. Come on Dell. Are you telling me that with everything else you packed into that device you c0uldn't fit 5 speakers and subwoofer in there too? Geez, what a rip-off.
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