Fish Gotta Swim, Birds Gotta Fly

When it comes to the weather we Californians are a bunch of wusses. Yeah, I'm a Californian and proud of it, but the truth is that we just can't handle real weather. Earthquakes, sure, fires, no problem, but let a little rain fall and ... Today for example, a storm blew into Northern California and dumped around an inch or two of water. Now in Houston Texas or Kansas City Mo. that might not be that big of a deal, but here in California it was page one news, and it's almost embarrasing the way all the local news stations nearly soiled themselves trying to get us through our "weather crisis." I mean, from the way they covered it you would have thought that it was time to get FEMA on the case or request some disaster relief from Florida or Alabama.

Weather wusses, that's what we are.

What I like the best is the news coverage leading up to the storm. As the storm approaches every station and newspaper starts running these stories on how to prepare for the coming storm and what to do when the rain starts falling. I mean, how exactly do you prepare for an inch of rain? Do you stock the cellar with canned foods and bottled water? Do you gather blankets and flashlights and bring all the animals inside? Would it be overreacting to pick up some plywood and start boarding up the windows? No, let's face it, we Californians are just...

Weather wusses.

To give you a little illustration of what I mean I've included this transcript from the local news. This isn't the weatherman part but the part where the reporter goes out to one of the local streams and gives us a live report on the rain coming down. I'm sure they do it where you come from too, cause why look out the window when you can see the rain on TV. Anyways, here goes:

"And now let's go out to Sandy Creek where our Bob Blitzer is standing by live to update us on the weather conditions. Bob, what have you got for us?"

"Hi, Frank, I'm out here at Sandy Creek where, as you can see, it's raining."

"Can you describe the rain for us, Bob?"

"Well, it's watery and seems to be dropping from the sky. Maybe if we can get the camera turned around and look over there by the trees the viewers can see what we mean. There. I don't know if the viewers at home can see this, but it seems to be coming down in droplike fashion and forming little puddles on the ground."

"How about the creek, Bob. Is the rain having any effect on the water levels there?"

"Yes, Frank, that's an excellent question. According to experts I've talked to, as the rain continues to fall much of it will end up in the creek you see behind me. This will cause the volume of water flowing in the creek to increase and as we head further into this storm we could actually see water levels rise."

"Is there any possiblity of flooding at this point?"

"Well, the creek is currently about 27 feet below flood stage, so I doubt it. But it is possible that as this crisis continues to unfold we could see the number to drop to 26 feet, 11 inches, or less. Of course, we'll be here all night to monitor the situation and report back to you if anything new should develop."

"Thank you Bob. You stay dry out there and get back safe to your wife and family, ok."

"My wife left me Frank."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know..."

"How could you?"

"Well thank you Bob. That's Bob Blitzer reporting live from Sandy Creek."

"She said she didn't love me anymore, Frank. She said she found someone else. All this time I'm out bustin' my butt trying to..."

"Yes, thanks for the live report Bob. Coming up next on Big News 10 at eleven we'll bring you exclusive coverage of..."

"I feel terrible Frank. I wish you wouldn't leave me like this... She won't get the kids, you know. I'll never let her take my children. Do you understand? I'll, never let them live in the same house with that whore. 'Cause that's what she is Frank. She had me fooled for a while, but now I know. She's just a lying, cheating, ungrateful, two-timing sl..."

"Whoops, seems we've lost our live feed. We'll try to get back to Bob a later in the newscast."

Well, anyways, that's the headlines from out here in California.