It's Natures Way of Telling You Something's Wrong

How is it that I find myself so busy at my computer on this fine California evening? Well there's a story behind that, and if I can just get my fingers to work this MacBook keyboard I'll tell you about it (more on my new MacBook later, perhaps). Let's see, where do I begin...

I commute to work most days on my Suzuki GZ250, and last week the weather was just perfect motorcycling weather. Last Friday, in particular, was especially lovely. The sun was out, the Bay breezes were blowing in from the north, and, as so often is the case in California, the temperatures sat mildly and comfortably in the mid-70's. Just a perfect Autumn day, and as I was cruising down the freeway on my Suzuki I couldn't help but reflect on how truly lucky I was to be in this place at this time and on this bike.

(are you with me so far?)

I needed to pick up a few things and so I got off the highway and cruised down the street to the local supermarket, all the while feeling remarkably cool and incredibly virile all dressed up in my black leathers and such. Riding my bike in my black leathers always makes me feel so male and manly, and as I pulled into the parking lot I just knew that more than a few passers-by wished they were me. I found a spot and pulled in the clutch as I eased into the empty parking space, turned the engine off and coolly looked around for admirers while I kicked the sidestand into place.

At least I thought I kicked the sidestand into place...

Actually, I had only partially kicked the sidestand into place, and as I leaned the bike over to rest on the stand it promptly folded back up against the bike and left me leaning over into nothing but an empty void and the inevitable gravitational vortex to which all of us are victim. Now, as you may recall from your high school science class, bodies at rest tend to stay at rest, but bodies in motion tend to...well...let's just say a more experienced pilot probably would have recognized the futility of trying to right the bike once it had begun to fall and would have immediately bailed out, but for some reason I decided to hold on for dear life, not stopping to think if this was a smart thing to do.

The next thing I knew I was lying on my side on the asphalt with my bike laying on top of me, not feeling nearly as cool as I did before, with a shooting pain in my left shoulder and a nagging doubt as to whether Marlon Brando had ever had a moment like this. Of course not. Brando was cool, and there was nothing cool about lying under my bike in a parking lot with my face shield in someone else's dirty motor oil. No time to worry about that now, though; the first thing I had to do was get up and pick up my bike.

So I slid out from underneath the bike and somehow struggled to my feet, feeling like the newbiest newb who ever put on a set of black leathers, and as I looked around I noticed that not one person in the parking lot who had seen my little mishap came by to offer assistance or ask if I was ok. If I had been hit by a car or something like that then sure, all kinds of concerned citizens would have come to my aid, but when you drop a bike, believe me, no one wants to be your friend.

In fact, come to think of it, when you ride a motorcycle people just treat you differently in general. Not in any drastic kind of way, but, you know, in subtle ways. For instance, sometimes when a woman sees a biker coming down the street she might start acting differently than if he were coming down the street in a car. You know, when she sees a biker she might start reaching into her purse for her cellphone or a can of pepper spray or something. Subtle little things like that. On the other hand, when some women see a biker coming down the street they have just the opposite reaction. They smile and flirt and give you that look like "Ooh, you sexy man. Give me a ride on your bike and have your way with me." At least that's what I think that look means. It could also mean "What a loser." I'm not really sure which.

Anyways, back to my story. Since I couldn't get any help, I picked the bike up and put it securely on it's stand, and even though my left shoulder was throbbing with pain, I nonchalantly made my way into the store as if to say "Oh that? It was nothing. Bikes do that sometimes." It wasn't until after I got out of the store my back started to stiffen on me and my left thigh started to throb, and yes it all made for a very interesting ride home as every time I shifted a gear my left leg would ache and my back would go into spasms. Somehow, I managed to make it home, and when I got in the door I immediately laid down on the bed and screamed my lungs out. That's when I found that getting into the bed was a whole lot easier than getting out of it, which I did only to go to the bathroom and even then not without much inner turmoil.

Well, it's now been 3 days since my little mishap in the parking lot and, though still not completely healed, I'm finding that I can physically do almost anything I want to as long as it doesn't involve sitting or the movement of any of my body parts. You know when I was younger I suffered harder falls than this one and I always just jumped right back up without feeling a thing, but you can't do that when you're old and decrepit. Damn, how I hate being old and decrepit.

So rather than just lie on my back and stare at the ceiling while I feel miserable and sorry for myself, I thought I'd do a little blogging and get some of you feeling miserable and sorry for me too. No, no, no, I'm just kidding. My back only hurts occasionally, and I've got the point where I can lift my left arm high enough to put a shirt on without breaking down and crying for my mother. Ah, life's little victories. And as for the bike, well, you know the old saying. When you fall off the horse then you got to dust yourself off and...learn to stay the hell away from horses.

No, that's not true. In fact I went for ride last night. Once you get a motorcycle in motion they're just fine. It's when they're standing still that they're dangerous.