Sunrise, Sunset

You know, newspaper reporters have it easy. I mean there's always something going on, always something to write about. Sports writers always have a game to talk about, movie critics always have a batch of new movies to write about, and even the lowliest beat reporter can always find some kind of dirt that needs digging. But us bloggers...what is there for us? To what great crisis do we turn our gaze?

The economy? Pffft, the markets up and then it's down. Politics? Pshaw, it's all just money and lies. Culture? Are you kidding? In America? Social history, the great struggle against the injustices of our time. Bah, they ought to just nuke this place and put us all out of our misery.

Nope, it's time to face the ugly truth that after a year and a half this blog simply has nothing left to say. No insights, no perespectives, just a lot of blah, blah, blah. It's pretty pathetic really, and I could just sit around and feel sorry for myself but I won't. I'll climb out of this rut. I'll find some way out of this feckless, pointless, maze of lethargy and alienation. I'll....I know...I know what I'll do...

I'll go talk to Bill.

Bill Gates, that is. The Chairman of Microsoft and the world's richest man. Yeah, Bill Gates. He'll know what I should do. In fact, that's his house over there. Maybe I'll just ring the doorbell and see if he's in.

(Ding-dong)

Hmmm, no answer. Maybe I should try knocking.

(Knock, knock, knock)

Hmmm, still no answer. Maybe nobody's home.

"Hello"

(Where did that come from)

"Hello", (there it is again) "can I help you?"

"Uh, yes, I'm looking for Mr. Bill Gates. I was hoping that...say, where are you?"

"I'm up here, on the balcony."

"Oh, up there. Now I see you. Hello, My name is Tony Myers and I'd like to speak with Mr. Bill Gates please. Is he home?"

"Of course he is -who do you think you're talking to?"

"Oh, sorry. Of course, you're...Heh, I guess I didn't recognize you in your bathrobe."

"What do you want?"

"Gee, you're really Bill Gates huh? I've never talked to a multibillionare before."

"What do you want?"

"Oh yeah. Well you see Mr. Gates, sir, that's sort of the problem. I mean, that is to say, um... well, I guess I'm not really sure what I want. That is...look, I know how strange it must seem to you to drop by unannounced like this, and... I guess I just want to talk that's all. That is, if you don't mind. You see, Mr. Gates, the truth is that I've been feeling a little detached lately, and, I don't know, sort of indifferent and uninspired, and I was hoping that..."

"Are you drunk or something?"

"No, no...nothing like that. You see I was just hoping that..."

"Well, I don't know what I can do for you."

"Please Mr. Gates, if you'll just give me a minute of your time."

"What for?"

"Please Mr. Gates. Just 5 minutes. That's all I'm asking. I promise. If you can just give me five minutes to explain..."

"Can't you see I'm busy."

"Five minutes, Mr. Gates. Please. What's five minutes to you if it can help a lost and wandering soul find new meaning and a reason to go on..."

"You sure you're not on drugs or anything?"

"No, honest. It'll just be five minutes, I promise. If you just give me five minutes I..."

"Alright, alright. C'mon up. But you've got five minutes and that's it. Understand?"

"Yes, Thank you sir. Thank you. I'll be right up."

(I try turning the door knob but it won't budge)

"Excuse me, Mr. Gates sir, I think the door's locked."

"Just use the key."

"But I don't have a key. You see..."

"It's under the doormat."

"What?"

"Under the doormat. The key is under the doormat."

"Oh, ok...thanks. I'll be right up."

(And so I enter the house, and climb the stairs to the office, and there I see Bill sitting at his desk)

"Mr Gates...thank you for seeing me. I'm really sorry to bother you like this but..."

"Yes, yes, what can I do for you?"

"Well...you see..."

"Yes"

"Um, well...the thing is...uh, do you want your front door key back? I mean I have it here in my pocket if you want it. I didn't want to leave it laying under the doormat like that, you know. It seems so insecure."

"Insecure?"

"Yeah, you know, leaving your key laying around like that isn't really safe. I mean a stranger could just come along and find it and then break into your house and start messing around with everything and taking stuff. You know."

"No, I'm afraid I don't know. What are you talking about?"

"Well, I mean leaving your house wide open like that is kind of dangerous, isn't it?"

"Dangerous? Why?"

"Well, because...oh never mind. It's not important."

"If I didn't leave the key under the mat then how would our partners come in and do all those awesome things?"

"Right. Well there you are. See, I didn't think of that. I guess that's why you've got 40 billion dollars and I'm still living on food stamps and credit cards."

"Yes, I do have this vision, it's true. But this security thing is interesting... I hadn't thought of that. Yes, I think I'll bring it up the next board of directors meeting and see what they think . Perhaps we can patent it."

"That would be awesome Mr. Gates."

"Yes it would, wouldn't it. Yep, I'll definitely need to bring it up. Let me just make a note of it...there. Now, what seems to be the problem?"

"Blogger's block."

"Blogger's block?"

"Yes, I've got this blog, you see."

"What kind of blog?"

"A clever, cogent, insightful one, sir, full of weight and importance. The kind that millions of hungry readers depend on for perspective and analysis on the breaking issues of the day."

"I see."

"No, I'm afraid you don't see. That is, I mean, well, it's like I've hit a wall. I don't know what happened but all of a sudden I just don't have anything left to say."

"Well, I'm flattered that you've come to me but honestly I don't what it is that I can do for you. Isn't there someone else you can talk to about this?"

"No one sir. No one with your vision that is."

"Please, call me Bill."

"Bill?"

"Yes, that's what my friends call me."

"Ok, uh Bill. I really need your help with this."

"Are you sure you don't have a priest or a rabbi that you can go? They may be able to help you find your way."

"No, I'm not particulary religious that way, uh, Bill."

"Oh, well, since there's nobody else let's see what I can do. Hmmm, I know. Couldn't you do a blog about technology? People like technology and I might even be able to help you out a little."

"What should I say?"

"Well, you could talk about all ways that Microsoft is working with it's partners to bring cool and awesome solutions to the billions of people, using it's vision and leadership to take computing and the Windows platform into the 21st century."

"Yeah, I could talk about that."

"Well?"

"To tell you the truth, Bill, Windows has gotten kind of boring. OS X is where it's at these days."

"OS X? That's not a serious business OS. You don't see Fortune 500 companies running OS X do you? When sleazeballs and script kiddies want to bring down a a major corporation they don't write worms and trojans to attack OS X, do they? Hell no, turn to Windows. That's where the vulnerabilities are. That's where they can do the most damage. They don't want to waste their time on some puny little operating system like OS X."

"Well you see Bill, maybe that's the point..."

"And what about Vista? Haven't you heard about Vista? This is cool stuff. Our partners think it's awesome. Software companies, IT Departments, virus authors, spyware scammers...they've all told us how eager they are to take this next leap forward."

"Ok, maybe when it's released a year or two from now I can blog about Vista. But I need something to blog about now. Have you got anything else?"

"Yeah, we've got XBox 360 - you could blog about that."

"I'm not into games."

"It's not a game machine. It's a powerful home multimedia center that just happens to play games."

"Really? What can it do?"

"It can play DVD's."

"But I've already got a DVD player."

"It can connect to the internet."

"But I'm already connected to the internet. How do you think I post my blog?"

"If you want you can even add a hard drive."

"But...so, in other words, it's going to do all the things my computer already does."

"Yes, but your computer isn't connected to your TV."

"How much do you want for this thing?"

"300 bucks for the basic unit, 400 bucks if you want to add a hard drive."

"I'll pass."

"But you haven't even seen all the awesome products that..."

"Our partners are working on. Yeah, I know. Thanks, but I think I'll pass. Got anything else?"

"Windows Mobile 5?"

"Yeah, ok, there you go. I like my smartphone. Needs 3G though. And the screen gets all greasy whenever I put it up to my ear to talk. Any awesome solutions coming from your partners on that?"

"Windows Mobile 5 will deliver to the consumer the kind of awesome experience that..."

"Yeah, ok, ok. Windows Mobile 5 sounds cool but I've already blogged on smartphones."

"You have?"

"Yeah. You see the problem, don't you? I've got this blog but there's just nothing new to say."

"I see what you mean. That IS the problem isn't it. It's like how we used to be cool but now all people want to do is complain about us or sue us or blame us for every little thing. Have you seen our stock price lately? Nothing. Up a little, down a little, up a little, down a little...geez, I've seen bingo nights at the local retirement home that were more exciting than our stock price. How did everything go so stale all of a sudden?"

"Maybe the ideas just stop coming."

"But our partners, our awesome solutions....it happened so fast."

"That's the way life is, Bill. One day you're a fresh young flower just waiting to be plucked, and the next you're just a wilted, empty stem, your youthful glamour spent as you sit there barren and useless and unwanted. Yes, nature is a cruel mistress, Bill, and the days pass, and the sun sits low in the sky, and the light thins and pales, and then what? What do you do then, Bill? Do you just wither and sag and eat your suppers alone as you watch the young bucks chase after fresher game? Or do you refuse to succumb to the ravages of time and vainly try recapture some of your lost youth? Do you seek out some specialist who can smooth the wrinkles and hide the blemishes and tighten up the loose spots? And then what happens , Bill? How long do you deny the relentless march of time? Week after week, month after month, year after year, and all the while your youth escaping as you go from one operation to the next, desperately trying to hold on even as you become cadaverous and hideous and grotesque, not knowing anymore where the plastic ends and the flesh begins, denying your true self to pursue some fleeting vision of youth and beauty and happiness and all the time knowing that true happiness can only come from within, that true love starts when you accept yourself and love yourself for who you truly are. Is that the answer, Bill? Is that what life is all about? To go on pretending, to go on living a lie, to go on acting out this macabre comedy of deception and deceipt only to..."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"My next blog, Bill. That's it. I've got it now. Thank you, you've been a tremendous help."

"I have? Geez, but I feel terrible. I mean everything was going great until you showed up. I was even planning on going over to Steve's house later to squash a few bugs but now, I don't know, I just don't feel up to it somehow. You know, I guess this has just been one of the worst conversations I've ever had in my life."

"That's funny, it's been one of the best conversations I've ever had. You've given me new inspiration. The greed, the ambition, the whole dirty, sordid truth. It's all there."

"Sordid Truth? That's going to be your blog?"

"Yep, as soon as I get back to my computer and write it all down. See ya' Bill."

"Yeah, see ya'. Say, you're not coming back are you? 'Cause if you do I want you to be sure to ring the doorbell so I can pretend I'm not home."

"Ok, but aren't you forgetting about that key under the doormat?"

"Damn!"