I Thought It Was Just Fish Sauce

January 13, 2005. Mark that date down because it is destined to go down in history as the day that Bud Selig and the Players Union cleaned up baseball. Woohoo! Glad we got that whole scandal behind us. Now we can get back to the business of watching second basemen and shortstops muscle fastballs into the upper deck and be satisfied that it's all good clean american fun.

Oh okay, maybe I'm being a little too cynical here. I'm sure that this new anti-drug effort will be a rousing success and no baseball player will dare risk a 10 day suspension for the tens of millions he can earn with a visit to his friendly neighborhood chemist. I mean, why would he chance such a thing when the stakes are so high? Yes, I think both management and players should be commended for this effort and I'm sure the fans will...will...

will care less.

After all, when this story first broke it was news for all of about 2 weeks before dropping completely off the radar screen. Now that a new drug policy has been anounced, I predict it will be news for about 5 days, tops, and then disappear again until spring training. And it's not that people don't care - it's just that they've got more important things to worry about. Let's face it when people go to a ballgame, well dammit, they want to see the ball leave the yard. That's just the way it is ; after you've paid a hundred or 2 hundred dollars to take the family to the ballpark, you want to see something spectacular.

(Did you notice the semicolon in the last sentence - a semicolon is always the mark of a sophisticated writer).

Which brings us to Barry Bonds - a local favorite. I guess people who don't live in the Bay Area don't know how popular he is around here, but believe me, he is very popular. And yes, we all know about the steroids and frankly, outside of the press which never cared for Barry anyways, no one thinks too much about it. He's big and bad, he hits the ball into Bay, and people usually come away thinking they got their money's worth. That's all that matters, really, and as far as management and players are concerned, just as long as the fans keep ponying up the money there's no real reason to overreact on this steroid thing. Sure, the players and owners may express their concern in public, but believe me behind closed doors they are being very careful not to do anything that could derail this gravy train.

So, you might ask, how is baseball going to handle it when Barry enters the Hall of Fame? Are they going to just ignore the drugs, or are they going to acknowledge that he might have taken some things he shouldn't have but only because his trainer decieved him into taking them and he was too dumb to ask what they were. I tell ya', I don't know what baseball is going to do (but I bet it'll be lame).

Here's what I'd do. I'd go ahead an induct him into the Hall of Fame with all the brass bands and honors and other falderal that goes with it. I'd speechify and venerate and glorify him to heaven, and I'd build him a great exhibit full of all the remembrances and tokens of esteem that go with being the greatest player in the history of baseball. The record breaking bats, the history making balls, the uniforms, the photographs and press clippings that praised him on high; and then down in the dark shadowy corners of the display, I'd also display the syringes, the pills and liquids, the stimulants and growth hormones, and pictures of all the unsavory acquaintances and advisors and trainers that found their way into his entourage. I'd show the fans the whole story and let them come to their own final judgements.

And then, as a final tribute to the great man, I would place Barry Bond's display right next to the Jackie Robinson display. Just imagine, just by standing in one spot a person could look at everything that made baseball great, and then without even turning his head he could see everything that baseball has become.

And then, if he had any sense at all, he could just walk out the door.