Jeopardy

Oh, the things you can learn by watching TV. Take Jeopardy, for example. Did you know that in 1902 a nurse named Clara something or other died after infecting herself with Malaria? Now isn't that interesting, and so unexpected. I assume, of course, she was studying infectious diseases at the time, and not human intelligence. Either way it would be safe to call the experiment a failure. Well, all in the name of science, as they say.

Taco Bell

I had Taco Bell tonight, and I only mention it because fast food is something I never do. But I was running late and didn't have time to cook anything and...well, you know the story. But gosh, isn't it wonderful that in this modern day and age a person can log onto the internet and tell the entire world what he ate for dinner. And some people think blogs are a waste of time! Har, I say. Now all I need to do is get one of those moblog's so that I can post pictures of my face turning green as I start digest this stuff.

Led Zeppelin

So there I was listening to Led Zeppelin on my little portable MP3 player and suddenly my thoughts turned back to days of yore. I was a teenager once, you see, and used to do teenager things like hanging out, and copping an attitude, and, of course, going to rock concerts. I don't want to brag but I saw most of the big names of my day, the Stones, Lynard Skynard, Fleetwood Mac, Robin Trower, etc... You know, the biggies. One of my last concerts was a Led Zeppelin Day on the Green at the Oakland Coliseum and I'd say it was one of the worst, no make that the worst, concert I ever saw. As it turns out it was also a major turning point in my life because, you know, after witnessing a dud like that I knew I had to do something better with my time than stand around and worship rock stars.

Anyways, I'm afraid mere words can't really capture the horror. I think what amazed me most was not that Led Zeppelin sounded so monumentally awful (which they did), but rather that, as stoned as they were, they could still manage to stand up there on that stage for ninety minutes without once falling off. It was truly astonishing, and the only time outside of the movies I ever saw living, breathing corpses, with Jimmy the corpse off doing his thing, and Robert the corpse doing his thing, and John Paul the corpse doing his little thing, and none of them paying attention to corpse John or any of the other zombies up there on the stage. For me it was like waking up with a hangover, and suddenly all my dreamy-eyed romanticism was gone and only the cold, hard reality that these guys are running on fumes remained.

So Tony, I here you asking, what, oh great one, was the best concert you ever saw? That's easy, Poco at Winterland Arena. Yeah, I hear you laughing but I gotta tell you, you shoulda been there. They had a pedal steel player named Rusty Young who was absolutely on fire that night. Clapton you say? Hendrix? Van Halen? Ha! He smoked all of 'em.