Meet John Doe

Once again it's time to check the ol' mailbag. Our first letter comes to us from our freinds Ken Mehlman, Bill Frist, J. Dennis Hastert and John Boehner over at the Republican National Committee.

"Dear Fellow Republican," they write,

"You are among a select group of Republicans who have been chosen to take part in the official Census of The Republican Party."

Select group? Who, me? Gosh, such an unexpected honor for someone so humble as myself. To be asked to take part in "The Official Census of the Republican Party." Such an awesome burden. I don't know what to say guys. I...I...I..., guess I'll just try to do my best. Better yet, why don't I ask the readers to take the Census along with me. You know, sort of play along at home.

Ready, here goes:

1. Do you support President Bush's initiatives to promote the safety and security of all Americans?

Well, heck yeah. At least I think so. Actually...truth is, I get a little worried sometimes when this Administration starts talking securty, you know what I mean. To me security is being able to walk down the street without getting mugged or murdered. Unfortunately, I think the Administration is a little more ambitious when it comes to security. They see it as being more about secret courts and secret trials and spying on citizen's and things like that. I think I'll have to take a pass on this question until I get some more information. Are we talking about the Sheriff Taylor kind of security, sort of friendly and neighborly, or are we talking about Robespierre and the Committee of Public Safety? Clarify please.

2. Do you support the use of air strikes against any country that offers safe harbor or aid to individuals or organizations committed to further attacks on America?

Sure, if you think it'll do any good. How many airstrikes have we launched against Osama bin Laden? Guess that taught him a lesson.

3. Do you continue to support increasing the amount of security at airports, train stations and all government buildings including monuments and museums?

I think I'll turn this one over to the audience. What do you think people? Anyone here want dangerous museums?

4. Should the Inheritance or "Death Tax" be permanently repealed?

No. The Inheritance Tax affects a very small and wealthy portion of the population, like Senators and Congressmen and National Committe Chairs. Next question.

5. Do you support President Bush's pro-growth policies to create more jobs and improve the economy?

I support common sense, and I support policies which encourage saving and investment and discourage mindless, rampant borrowing and consumpti0n. Is that what President Bush supports?

6. Do you think Congress should focus on cutting the federal budget deficit by reducing wasteful government spending?

No, I think they should cut the budget by increasing wasteful government spending. Geez, what kind of question is that?

7. Should students, teachers, principals and administrators be held to higher standards?

I'm all for holding the other guy to higher standards. Now, if we're all through here I'd like to get back to other room and watch that new Rob Schneider movie.

8. Do you agree that teaching our children to read and increasing literacy rates should be a national priority?

Yes, but give them something interesting to read. I wonder if any of these education reformers has ever actually read a textbook (and stayed awake long enough to reach the end of the chapter.)

9. Do you support President Bush's plan to make our schools more accountable to parents and to restore local control of education?

Are we talking about banning biology in Kansas? Please, let's not be coy, ok. Here's where I part company with the Republican Party.

10. Do you support the law, passed by the Republican Congress and signed by President Bush, that bans partial-birth abortions?

I wouldn't touch that question with a 10 foot pole. In my life I've known people on both sides of this issue, and I've never met a one that's ever changed their mind. Let's just leave it at that.

11. Do you support the President's efforst to save Social Security for future generations?

Is that what he was trying to do? Could have fooled me. I thought he was trying to privatize it.

12. Do you think Congress should pass legislation on the Federal Marriage Amendment?

I feel kind of stupid for admitting this, but I don't know what that is. Could you please explain?

13. Do you think U.S. troops should have to serve under United Nations commanders?

I think that's a question for the next war. Right now we should concentrate on how we're gonna get the hell out of Iraq.

14. Do you agree that our top military priority should be fighting terrorists?

No, our top military priority should be figuring out how we're gonna get the hell out of Iraq.

15. Should the U.S. continue work on building a defense shield against nuclear missle attack?

Where did that question come from? I think a shield against nuclear missle attack is a great idea, but I don't think it should be limited to the U.S. As long as we're building a shield I think it would be a good faith gesture to extend the umbrella to all the peoples of the world.

16. Do you support the election of Republican candidates across the country and rebuilding our majorities over the next ten years?

Sure, but not in Kansas.

17. Did you vote in the year 2000?

Yep. Wanna know who I voted for?

18. Will you join the Republican National Committe by making a contribution today?

Ok, alright, I get it now. "Select group" you said. "Official Census" you explained. Hah! I see what's going on around here. You guys just want more money. Money, money, money, money, money, money. That's all we ever hear from you. I guess now that Jack Abramoff is in jail things are getting a little tight up there in Washington, eh? Well, tough. You guys don't care what I think. You were just jerking me around, trying to shake me down for more cash. Huh. Go beg somewhere else.

Please make your personal check payable to: RNC

Is that before or after I toss this Census of yours in the trash.

Breaking News



Ask and ye shall receive. Just to prove that the Lord really does read this blog and hears my whining complaints about the lousy weather we've been having around here, the rains stopped and the clouds parted and we had a lovely day here in Northern California. On my daily walk the sun was shining and the birds were singing, and I snapped this washed-out picture with my crappy camera phone just to prove it.

Ah, the sun at last.

Oh, and note the water level too. During the summer this creek is usually just a skinny little stream at the bottom of the creekbed, but as you can see the persistent rains have filled the creek's entire u-shaped bowl with water. I'd say the waters are a good 10 to 15 feet above their usual levels, and the bushes you see off to the left are actually the tops of trees that have been submerged beneath the rushing creek. Unfortunately that's not really clear from this picture.

Anyways, that's all for my quick little follow-up from Northern California where the skies have cleared but more storms are predicted for the weekend. And here's a handy little travel trip for those who might be planning a trip to the Bay Area this summer.

*Tip* If ever there was a year to see the Yosemite Valley, this is the year. With all this rain and snow we've had I guarantee you that the falls will be full of gushing water. Sure, that's bound to mean long lines and traffic jams, but there are always long lines and traffic jams in Yosemite. At least the views will be worth it this year. Pack the kids and bring your camera.

Washed In Life's River

Ok, enough is enough. You know this isn't funny anymore. I just hope you folks out there in the rest of the country are enjoying the sunshine wherever you're at because up here in Northern California we haven't seen the sun since February. I'm not kidding. One day it's cloudy then the next day it rains. And then the next day it's cloudy again and the day after that it rains. It's been going on and on like this for over a month now and the ground is soaked and the streets are soaked and I'm soaked, and even though I don't live anywhere near a creek or a river it sure was peculiar to look out my front window this morning and see Burt Reynolds go paddling by in a canoe.

Ah, enough about that. I'm tired of talking about the weather but since I'm stuck here inside tonight I thought I might as well write about something. All I need is something to talk about. Hmmm, here's a semi-interesting topic:

The cost of things.

If you've been watching the news lately doesn't it seem like every other story is about how much it's gonna cost to fix something that's broke. Billions to fix New Orleans, billions to fix the infrastructure, billions to secure our borders, billions to rebuild foreign countries, billions for health care and homeland security and education and blah, blah, blah... I wonder if anyone's thought about hiring an auditor or home inspection type person to just go through all the things that need fixing and total up the costs. I bet it would come to petillions and petillions of dollars if you were to actually add it all up.

Which leads to one obvious conclusion. Namely, America needs some cash. Sure we could save more or we could sell more and try to raise some money that way, but I have a better idea. I think we need to do some empire building. Think about it. That's what the Romans did, isn't it. That's what the British did. That's the way you did things in the old days. When you needed cash you'd raise an army or build a navy and go colonize someone, and that's what America needs to do now. We need to find some country that we can subjugate and exploit and go invade them.

I nominate Canada.

Canada's got lots of natural resources and more than a little gold in their treasury, and we wouldn't even have to invade them. We could just send our armies up their dressed as tourists and they'd never know the difference. And then one day BAM, we take off our disguises and overrun them in a suprise attack. Easy as pie if you ask me. Venezuela would be another good country we could invade. They've got plenty of oil and hell, they aren't doing anything with it. I bet there's all kinds of countries we could occupy and loot and lord knows we could use the cash. Time to do a little empire building if you ask me.

Just something to think about, and not much of a topic really. Oh well.

Hmmm...

I got this new CD from the record store today. It's called Songs of Innocence and of Experience by the composer William Bolcom. I heard some excerpts of it on a podcast and it sounded pretty interesting. Won a grammy too. In case you're completely clueless let me explain that this is a huge work based on the writings of William Blake that spans 3 CD's and manages to incorporate just about every musical style in the book from "intense dissonance to folk, rock and reggae" (that quote is from the back cover). I was paging through the b0oklet and it says that it takes close to 450 people to perform it live. Pretty amazing. I can't wait to hear the whole thing.

Yeah, I know. Pretty exciting, huh? Well, what else is there to do on a rainy night?

Dead Cat Sees The Future

"Hey Harve, how's it goin'?"

"Oh, got this pain in my back. Doctor thinks it might be another kidney stone."

"That's too bad. Say, how 'bout this rain, huh? I heard the girl on the weather say this might be the rainiest March in history. How 'bout that? Man, I can't remember the last time I saw the sun shine."

"We used to get rain like this back in Core-eah. Snow too. Colder 'n a sonofabitch. Man, was I glad to get out of there. "

"You never got rain like this in Core-eah. Not like this. I swear it's been raining so long I can't even remember what the sun looks like. How 'bout you? You remember what the sun looks like?"

"The sun?"

"Yeah, the sun. You remember what it looks like?"

"Let me see...yeah I think so. It's been a while though. Let me see...yeah, it was this big yellow thing that used to rise in west each morning and turn the sky blue."

"That wasn't the sun."

"Sure it was. Big yellow thing."

"The sun wasn't yellow, it was orange. And it didn't rise in the west, it rose in the east. Anybody knows that."

"What are you talking about. Don't you think I remember what the sun looked like? Every morning it used to rise right over there by the ocean and make the whole sky blue."

"It SET over the ocean. It used to RISE over there by them hills and at night it would SET over there by the ocean."

"Weren't no sun out at night. What's wrong with you. I'm telling you I remember it as if it was yesterday and I say the sun..."

(We interrupt this blog to bring you this financial report)

"Hello everyone, and welcome to Business on Business, the business show where business reporters talk to business people about business. I'm Rebecca Powerhair and tonight I'll be speaking with Peabody S. Cummins, Chief Analyst with E.C. Pickens Advisors, a Wall Street investment firm. Mr. Cummins, welcome to the show."

"My pleasure Rebecca. It's fun being on TV."

"Yes. Now Mr Cummins we had..."

"Hi kids!"

"Excuse me."

"I was just saying hi to my kids back home in Connecticut. 'Hi kids', hee, hee, hee."

"How incredibly cute. Now Mr. Cummins, as you know the Fed issued a statement on the economy and raised interest rates another 25 basis points. What does this mean for the economy?"

"Well I think this latest move was widely anticipated by the markets, Rebecca. Furthermore, I think the markets anticipated that this would be anticipated and therefore anticipated that others would anticipate the anticipation as well. Of course, everyone anticipated this so they were not suprised that further anticipation would result and that this too would be anticipated and..."

"MR CUMMINS! Sir, if you don't mind. What does this mean for interest rates? Are we likely to see further hikes?"

"Yes, another 25 basis points in May, perhaps, and then we'll probably take a little breather."

"Interesting. Did anything else come out of the March meeting that caught your attention."

"Well, I did see a picture in one of the local papers of Mr. Bernanke picking his nose."

"Yes I saw that too. Do you think he was signalling the markets."

"Well, that's always possible. Of course it might also have been a case of him not realizing that the camera was there, but I don't think so. This was clearly a deliberate signalling on his part."

"I see. What can we expect?"

"Clearly the markets have become congested lately and need to open up."

"And you think Mr. Bernanke intends to do that in the months ahead?"

"Well, Rebecca. You know there's an old saying that the problem is not picking your nose, but what to do with the booger."

"That's unbelievably vulgar and disgusting Mr. Cummins. Frankly, sir, I'm suprised that you would think that the CNBC network or this show would stand for such a comment."

"Oh, am I on CNBC? My apologies Rebecca. I thought this was FOX."

"Mr. Peabody Cummins. Thank you for talking with us tonight."

"My pleasure."

(We now return you to the normally scheduled blog already in progress)

"Bill Schmidt. You remember Bill Schmidt?"

"Sure, Bill Schmidt. The little german fellow who had a stroke while he was riding the casino bus up to Tahoe."

"No, no, no. That was Larry Mays. Larry Mays had the stroke. I'm talking about Bill Schmidt. The guy who used to work at the bowling alley. "

"No, doesn't ring a bell. Don't think I ever met him."

"Sure you did. He used to work at the bowling alley."

"I wasn't much of a bowler, and besides, I never knew any Bill Schmidt."

"Well Bill Schmidt told me once that sometimes he wouldn't get out work until early in the morning and he'd go sit on one of the benches down by the pier and just watch the sun come up. Bill Schmidt told me that. He'd sit right there on the bench and watch the sun come up. So I know I'm right. The sun rises in the west."

"Did he say it rose over the ocean or over the hills."

"He said he sat on that bench down by the pier and watched the sun rise."

"Over the ocean? Did he say it rose over the ocean?"

"You're not listening to what I'm saying. Bill Schmidt was the fellow from the bowling alley and he told me that he sat on a bench by the pier and watched the sun rise."

"Yeah, but did he say it rose over the ocean?"

"Well, of course it did. He was sitting right there on the pier. Of course it rose over the ocean."

"Well it could of rose over the hills, you know. You can see the hills from the pier too."

"He didn't say nothing about no hills. "

"And I'm telling you that the sun rises in the east. It don't rise over the ocean and I don't care what Bill Schmidt says. "

"Well, he's dead now."

"He is?"

"Yeah. Heart attack. Couple of years ago. Poor ol' Bill."

(We interrupt this blog to bring you this important political announcement)

"Now we bring you highlights from Senator Jones' speech on immigration reform given earlier today."

"Friends, I know you're down. You're asking yourself 'What have I done Lord to deserve this?'. Well, I'm here to tell you that you've done nothing to deserve any of this. The problem isn't you, friends, it's Them."

"Them" murmurs the crowd.

"Ask yourself 'why is everything so expensive?' Well, I'll tell you. It's Their fault. Ask yourself 'why are all the factories shutting down?' Let me tell you again. It's Their fault. Ask yourself 'Why is there so much violence and crime? Why can't I feel safe walking down the street? It's Their fault, my friends. They're the ones doing this to you."

"It's Their fault" answers the crowd.

"That's right friends. Why are our soldiers dying in foreign lands? Why aren't we winning this war? It's because of Them. It's because this country cares more about Them than it does the lives of it's own citizens."

"It's Them, it's Them" roars the crowd.

"Yes, my friends. They're the ones who are sucking this country dry. It's Them that are bleeding away our resources. It's Them that are taking your jobs, it's Them that are ruining your schools, it's Them that are stealing the future from the mouths of your children."

"Them, Them, Them, Them" chants the crowd.

"So what are we to do? What are we to do about Them?"

"We'll hang 'em from the old oak tree" one woman cries.

"Are we going to let Them take our jobs?"

"No!"

"Are we going to let Them take our country?"

"No!"

"Are we going to let Them take the food from our babies mouths?"

"Get Them, get Them, get Them, get Them" the frenzied crowd screams.

"That's right, friends. I'm with you. But you know there's an election coming up and some people think a new fella ought to take this job. Someone who won't feel the way I do. Someone who'll coddle to Them. Someone who'll give in to Them. Someone who'll give Them your job and leave your family with nothing."

"We want Jones! We want Jones! We want Jones!"

"Thank you friends."

(And now we return you to the regularly scheduled blog in progress)

"Of course after Cora died I just didn't have the energy to do things anymore. Didn't matter much to me whether the sun was shining or not. I tried travelling but I didn't like going places by myself. And I tried gardening for a while, but then the arthritis starting getting worse and worse. Most days I'd just sit and watch the TV."

"Didn't your daughter come by and help?"

"My daughter? You mean Susan? Sure she'd come by every now and then and clean up the place a little. But most of the time she was too busy with her work to come and spend any time with me. Too busy jetting around the country and going to her fancy meetings to spend any time with her old dad. My daughter. Huh."

"Oh, c'mon now. I met Susan and she seemed very nice. And she's always worrying about you and asking how you're doing. I wish I had a daughter like that to come look after me."

"She's the one who put me here you know. Took me out of the house I spent my whole life working for, the house I planned to live out the rest of my life in. The house me and Cora bought and raised a family in. That was our house. She had no right to take it away from me."

"She shouldn't have done that. Better to let you die than do that."

"That's right. Better to die in your home than in a place like this. Don't mean nothing to them. People die here all the time. Better to die in you own home."

(We interrupt this blog once again for some important tech news)

"Hello, and welcome to Apple headquarters in Cupertino, California where Apple CEO Steve Jobs is scheduled to make an important announcement. We have a few minutes before the speech is slated to begin so perhaps we should take some time to interview some of the Apple faithful in attendance. Hello, what is you're name?"

"My names Zach."

"Can you tell us why you came here today?"

"To see Steve Jobs. Man, this is just so incredible."

"What are you expecting Mr. Jobs to announce? Any ideas?"

"The path, man."

"The path?"

"Yeah, you see Steve loves me."

"He loves you?"

"Yeah, I know it sounds weird, 'cause, like, you know, I'm just a nobody and all. But Steve Jobs loves me. I know he does. He loves all of us, man, and that's why we come here to hear his message. It's because he loves us and wants to show us the true path."

"Are you sure? Because, honestly, I think he just wants to sell you stuff."

"No, man, he loves us. It's like we're all put on this earth with no clue, no idea of where to go next. And Steve, he comes and he shows us the next step. He knows where to go, and we follow. Without these announcements, we'd be, like, lost, you know. Steve shows us the way."

"I see. I've heard that Apple has kind of a cult following but I wasn't expecting anything quite like this."

"Apple is the word, and Steve is the prophet."

"Yeah, ok. By the way, what's that say on your T-Shirt? 'Think Different'. Is that what that says?"

"Yeah, 'Think Different'. It's kind of like our slogan, you know. We all wear the T-Shirts."

"You mean you all wear T-Shirts that say 'Think Different'. Doesn't that seem a little strange to you? Everybody wearing the same shirt that says 'Think Different'".

"You don't get it, man. Apple gets it. Nobody else gets it, but Apple gets it."

"Yes, but it seems contradictory, you know. 'Think Different' and everybody wearing the same thing."

"Apple just gets it, man. You don't get it. Apple get's it."

"Well it looks like there's been some kind of delay down here at Apple headquarters so we'll throw it back to you in the newsroom. Hopefully, we'll have something for you a little later in the newscast."

(We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog in progress)

"Well, whatever way the sun rises it doesn't look like we're ever gonna see it again. Least not in our lifetimes, eh Harve? Harve? Hey Harvey, you asleep?"

Zzzzzzzzzzzz....

"Yeah, looks like you dozed off. I'm feeling pretty tired myself. Hey Nurse. Nurse. I'd like to go back to my room now."

"So soon? Did you and Mr. Cznewski have a nice little talk?"

"We argued. For an hour and a half we argued. What do you expect from a couple of old goats."

"What we're you arguing about?"

"The sun."

"?"

"Don't ask. Listen, I'd like to go back to my room and lie down for a little while."

"Okay, I'll ask Joaquin to take you back up."

"Tell him to hurry, will you. I don't know how long I can hold my bladder."

"He'll be right out. Just wait right there."

"Sure I'll wait here. Where am I gonna go? Down to the Copacabana for a little cha-cha-cha?"

"Joaquin, can you take Mr. Myers back to his room."

"Sure. All tired out from your long day, Mr. Myers."

"I gotta pee."

"Well, try to hang on till we get you back to your room, ok. Joaquin don't mind wheeling you around but he sure don't want to do any mop duty today, ok?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up will you."

"Have you there in a jiffy. How about Harvey? You want me to wake him up so you can say goodbye?"

"No, let him sleep. I got nothing to say to him anyways."

"You're the boss. Hang on, now. We wouldn't want to lose you in the elevator."

"Save the jokes and hurry it up before I make a mess down here, ok?"

No Post Tonight, Just Pretty New Faces

No Blog tonight. I'm too busy reading Michael Gordon's new book Cobra II. Finally a book that looks at the Iraq War from a macro perspective. No personal memoirs or political axes to grind, just the events as they occurred both in Washington and in Baghdad. If you ask me, anyone who starts giving you their opinions about that war that hasn't read this book is just blowing a lot of hot air our their...

Be that as it may, this book should be on the bestsellers list. The fact that it isn't just shows me that there are a lot of people who made up their minds about this war a long time ago and aren't interested in what really happened. Either that or they just wish the war would go away. I'm about a third of the way through and I can't put it down.

But like I said, no blog tonight. I just wanted to test out this new Hilary Hahn banner ad thingy that hopefully is appearing somewhere in the right hand column. I thought my blog needed a little youth and beauty to kind of brighten the atmosphere so I added it to the template. And no, Deutsche Gramaphone isn't paying me for running the spot. Which really pisses me off! Hey, DG, you know Walmart pays their bloggers.

Happy Birthday Bennie!


As Americans we are intimately concerned with the culture and history of our neighbors to the north and south. That's why on this 21st day of March we join with our Mexican brethren to celebrate and honor the birthday of Benito Juarez. Happy birthday Bennie! Which brings us to today's quiz question:

Benito Juarez? Who the hell was that?

He was a
A. Mexican Bandit
B. Mexican President
C. Mexican General
D. Mexican Priest
E. All of the above

Ok, that was a trick question. Let's face it, except for The Brady Bunch, the disco craze, and that British moptop group that grandma used to listen to, most Americans are only dimly aware of their own history, let alone Mexican history. It's a little much to expect them to know who Benito Juarez was. Here's a brief summary.


Benito Juarez was a Zapoteca Indian born in 1806 in Oaxaca region of southern Mexico. Although born into poverty, in 1831 he graduated school with a law degree and quickly began a career in politics that was to take him from local judgeship to the Mexican presidency in 1861. Upon finding the Mexican government broke he suspended debt repayments to major European powers inviting the invasions of 1862 and 1863 which forced him from office and put Maximilian on the Mexican throne.

After Maximilian's execution in 1867 Juarez was once again elected president of Mexico and served in that position until his death in 1872. During his life, however, Juarez became known not only as a great Mexican patriot but also a great reformer who sought to secularize and modernize Mexican society. He seized church lands, supported equal rights for the Indians, built railroads and schools, and drafted laws which guaranteed basic freedoms for all Mexicans. His birthday is celebrated each year in Mexico and he is remembered as one of Mexico's greatest heroes.

There, now you know a little about him, and as you can see he doesn't really look like Paul Muni at all (that's a movie joke). On second thought, maybe just a little.

Anyways, after Juarez's death came the dictatorship of Porifiro Diaz and the invasion of Mexico by foreign business interests. You know, corruption and bandits and lawlessness and all those things we associate with modern Mexico today. Not that any of that was Juarez' fault, so why not celebrate his birthday just the same.

Speaking of Mexico, the Murky News had a story just today about drug gangs that are shooting up the city of Nuevo Laredo. It's a big problem that's been going on for quite some time. Presidente Fox promised to clean up the town and sent a General and troops from the PFP (Federal Preventative Police) to restore order, but unfortunately the General has mysteriously disappeared and once again we are hearing stories of police corruption on both sides of the border.

The American response to all this violence has been to scold the Mexicans about thier drug problem and build a wall. Actually, we haven't built the thing yet but we're getting ready to. The wall is seen as a concession to those Americans who see the border problem best solved by sending 12 divisions of armored infantry down to the border and shooting Mexicans on sight. Cooler heads have prevailed, however, and the wall is seen as a better solution, and less bloody too. Many Americans feel let down by all this and find the idea of less blood disappointing, but our brave leaders in Washington have been looking at the demographics and have come to realize that pretty soon there's gonna be more hispanics in this country than white folk. Not a good time to go hating Mexicans, it's said, and so they have turned to hating Arabs instead. (In case you weren't following the news a couple of weeks ago, it's ok to hate Arabs now. Congress has made it official).

So there you go. We're gonna build this wall and that's gonna take care of all our border problems. No more illegal immigration and no more drug wars. And it's not as if we haven't chided the Mexicans on this. "Holy cow" we've told them, "if you'd stop having all those illegal drugs over there then we wouldn't have to be spend all this money buying 'em". Of course now we've got this wall and I guess that means there won't be anymore drug problems in America. Hallelujah. If the Mexicans wanna go on murdering each other then that's there business. Just leave us out of it.

Actually, we're not building the wall to keep the drugs out. I just made that up. Wall or no wall, we want our illegal drugs. No, we're building the wall to keep poor working people out of our fields and office buildings. This part I'm not making up. We're gonna build this wall and then no more illegals will be crossing the borders and that'll free up jobs so that all those laid-off factory workers and customer service reps can start living in migrant camps and picking our strawberries. Congress has got this all figured out.

Well, not quite. There's also the problem of illegals who are already here, but Congress has a solution for that too. They're proposing legislation that would make it a crime to assist an illegal alien. I'm not sure what they mean by "assist" but I assume it would include things like food and water and a place to sleep. That's what some Catholic preists think, anyways, and let me tell you they're not too happy about it. They feel it is their duty as christians to give comfort and aid to the needy and they're threatening civil disobedience if this law passes (it'll pass). So now Congress is faced with the prospect of jailing priests and bishops as well as illegal aliens if the law is enacted (it'll be enacted).

Oh brother, what a mess. And to top it all off who do we see at the front of this charge to criminalize comfort and aid to the needy? Who is that standing shoulder to shoulder with these anti-alien neocons? Why it's none other than Lou Dobbs(?), that's who. Yeah, no kidding. That Lou Dobbs. Guess he just hates it when someone gives a working man a drink of water.

Well, what can you say. It is the pressing social problem of our time, this immigration thing that is. Nothing else comes close. Take this article I was reading in the New York Times, for instance. Apparently, someone has done a study of different socioeconomic groups in America and found that of all the different groups they studied only black males are failing to progress up the economic ladder. Whites, hispanics, asians, even black females are all gaining ground, but black males are going in the opposite direction. A greater share of them are unemployed, a greater number of them are going to prison and a greater number of them are dropping out of school.

Yeah, I know what you're saying. This whole black-white thing is so sixties. Well, maybe, and I don't claim to have any answers. But it is a problem. Inner city poverty and crime and drug use and all the rest of it does have an effect on society. It would be nice to find out why black males, exclusive of every other socioeconomic group, are falling behind and dropping out of society. But then again what is any of this compared to the immigration problem. I'm sure the crew cleaning our offices every night is much more of a problem for society than poverty, crime and overcrowded jails.

Yeah, let's build a wall.

Old Dogs and New Tricks

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Tonight's topic will be "New things I've learned while listenening to podcasts." As you know I'm quite a fan of this new internet phenomena called podcasting and I'd like to share something interesting I heard while listening to one of those podcasts today. The name of the particular podcast I'm referring to is The Rosary Army Catholic Podcast, and before you get up to leave let me just explain that it's not what it sounds like. Yes, it's a podcast but they aren't saying the Rosary, they don't have an Army, and you don't have to be a Catholic to listen. It's just a twice weekly show done by the husband and wife team of Greg and Jennifer who spend a half hour or so rambling on about whatever's going on in their life.

(Can you imagine anyone wanting to listen to someone ramble on and on about whatever's on their mind? I hope this sort of thing doesn't spill over into the blogosphere)

So I was listening to the Rosary Army today (that would be the March 14, 2006 broadcast for those of you taking notes) and I learned something I never knew before. Did you know that...

Well, maybe I should give a little background first. Greg and Jennifer have 2 sons that they talk about and share the podcast with from time to time, and, well, sons being sons I guess it's fair to say that they get a little rambunctious at times. Now I have some experience with this being that I used to be a son myself, and I remember quite well the many times that my brothers and I used to drive my mother crazy. I think that's all just a normal part of the mother-son relationship, and I think it was always accepted as such. Accepted, that is, until what we came to what has been called the "era of modern parenting".

I don't want to bore anyone by talking about the good ol' days here, but let's face it - parenting used to be different. Especially a hundred years ago when I was coming up. Back then whenever I would drive my mother crazy she would, as most mothers would, yell and scream and tell me to "knock it off", only my mother was japanese so she wouldn't use the words "knock it off" but their somewhat ruder japanese equivalents. Anyways, that was the way it was. Mothers didn't try to reason with their sons back then, they didn't coax or cajole or apologize to their sons for all of life's inequities. Mothers simply asserted their authority and that was the end of that.

Needless to say mothers don't do that anymore. Not in the "era of modern parenting". Let me tell you a little story.

Back when I was around 12 or so I got into a rock throwing contest with my friend D. Across the street from my house there was an empty lot and behind the lot there was small cliff, and my friend D and I were standing in the street and throwing rocks over the empty lot and over the cliff to see who could throw the highest and the farthest. It wasn't the most fun I've ever had in my life but it was something to do on a Saturday afternoon.

I should also explain that there was a house on top of the cliff and both D and I were very careful not to throw any rocks towards the house but rather to the empty area that sat beside the house. What we didn't know at the time but would learn later was that the owner of the house, Mr. O, had a son who happened to be visiting that day. What we also didn't know was that Mr. O's son had a little sports car that he had parked beside Mr. O's house while he was inside visiting. And of course what we never could have imagined was the kind of temper Mr. O's son would show when he heard something hit his car and found that someone had put a 3 foot crack in his windshield.

Of course, it didn't take Mr. O's son very long to put two and two together and figure out who did it, and to make a long story short he found out where the both of us lived and had a talk to our parents. And here's the point of my little story. My father, being the old-fashioned sort was none too pleased and, after writing a check for the damage, told me that as far as he was concerned Mr. O's son now owned me. That is, I was told to go up to Mr. O's house and tell his son I was sorry and ask him what I could do to work it off. Only after I had worked off the damage I had done could I return to him and ask to allowed back into the bosom of the family. That's the way it was done in the old days.

And that is why I spent the next weekend cleaning out Mr. O's garage as penance for my carelessness, and let me tell you if you could have seen Mr. O's garage then you might understand how high a price that was to pay. Personally, I think I would have rather just bought him a new windshield.

Anyways, as I was cleaning out Mr. O's garage who should I see standing across the street but D, my co-conspirator, sitting on his lawn and smoking a cigarette. D was two years younger than me but his parents let him smoke cigarettes in the house. My parents didn't let me smoke in the house until I was 17, and then they'd always give me grief for it. But D's parents were cool. He was only 10 but they'd still let him smoke in the house and his mom would even go out to the store to buy him cartons, but that wasn't until a few years later.

So like I said, there I was cleaning out that stinking junkpile of a garage and there was D kicking back on his lawn and smoking a cigarette because his parents didn't make him apologize to Mr. O's son or offer to work it off. That was because he had cool, modern parents, not the old fashioned ones like I did. I always resented him for that, but that was just the modern way. And nowdays, sheesh, if some kid breaks your windshield and you go up to his parents to tell him what he just did, they aren't going to get mad at the kid. They're going to get mad at you for making the accusation and you'll be lucky if they don't call the cops or take you to court and sue you.

"How dare you show anger towards my perfect child. Get out of here before I call the police."

That's the way it is, I'm telling ya'. Work it off? Are you kidding me? Just as an epilogue to my little story I should say that because of my old-fashioned parents I grew up to be a responsible, hard-working member of society and D grew up to be a lazy, indolent bum. I should say that but I don't think it's true. I mean it could be, but I don't know. You see D dropped out of school when he was 15 and was married with 2 kids (she had their first kid back when she was in high school) by the time he was 19, so his parents bought them a house in Tracy to kind of get them started, and that was the last time I ever saw any of them. Knowing how housing prices have gone up in California, I think it's a fair bet that D's doing just fine.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, modern parenting. Like I said, I was listening to the Rosary Army Catholic Podcast and Jennifer (the mother) started talking about these 2 boys of hers. She said she had been worried that they always played so rowdy and rough so she decided to take them to something called a "Play" therapist.

Have you ever heard of that before?

I know I'm out of the loop on this stuff but do they really have therapists these days that teach children how to play? Oh brother, the things you learn by listening to podcasts. These poor kids. No sooner do you get them home from the hospital than you have to call the clinic and get them in to see their therapist. I mean you have to do that soon, don't you? Kids start playing pretty early on, don't they? I'm sure you don't want them playing on their own. Not without proper treatment first.

"Hi Sally. How's your little boy?"

"Oh he's wonderful."

"How old is he now?"

"He'll be four months on the 21st."

"Four months? Does he have a therapist yet?"

"Oh yes, we took him to see the shrink right away. We didn't want to wait, you know. We both thought the sooner the better."

"Well, what does the therapist say?"

"She was a little worried at first. She saw the way the baby was playing with the pacifier and thought he might be internalizing a little too much, you know? But we tried some exercises and everything seems to going ok now."

"Oh good. Better to nip it in the bud."

"Yeah. We're excited. In fact just last week the therapist told us that if all goes well with the rattler then it might be ok to start him in with his first rubber ducky in about another month or two."

"So soon?"

"Oh I know. I think we'll hold off a little while before we do that. Maybe get a second opinion."

"Good idea."

Oh well, they're not my kids so who am I to start talking. If Greg and Jennifer want take their sons to a "Play" therapist then more power to them. I kind of get the feeling that this is more Jennifer's idea than Greg's though. Don't you? You kind of get the feeling Greg's only going along with it because he doesn't want to argue about it anymore. That's the way it is with husbands sometimes. Wives just seem to wear them out.

Anyway, that's what I've learned while listening to podcasts. I want to thank you all for attending and have a safe drive home.

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head

Well the weather has been crap around here. Yeah, yeah, I know. A couple of weeks ago I was posting pic's of sunshine and blue skies on this here blog thing, and ever since then the weather has gone straight downhill. I guess I was asking for it, but geez - rain, wind, hail, ice, snow...you name it, we've had it. It's like Mother Nature decided to cram a hundred years of weather into just two lousy weeks. So much for California Dreamin'. And in case you're wondering, the forecast for tomorrow is another storm moving in.

It's alright though. I don't mind. At least the air is clean and the hills are green and at nights you can look up and see the little stars twinkling in the heavens. Ahhhhhh....

Other than that there's been nothing happening in California. And I mean NOTHING. A couple of months ago the politicians were making speeches up in Sacramento, telling everybody that this was a new day in California, that there was a new spirit of cooperation, that the governor and the legislature were ready to roll up their sleeves and get California pointed in the right direction and all that.

Right.

Of course no one believed them, and to our credit we haven't been disappointed. I'm sure they were sincere when they said it (right), but unfortunately 2006 is an election year and both parties seem preoccupied at the moment. I guess that "getting California pointed in the right direction" stuff will have to wait.

What we have now is kind of an eerie calm, a sort of political void if you will. I don't know exactly how to describe it except to say that it's like we have two great armies camped out on either side of a river. As each side huddles around its fires and plans its strategies there is this sense of forboding hanging in the air. Oh sure, every now and then someone will make a speech and the other side will attack it and correspondents will scribble it all down, but this is mere skirmishing. There is a great battle planned for the morrow and we can only wait and watch as each side probes the other's weaknesses.

Who's gonna win? Beats me. At this early stage all the polls are showing a large undecided vote in the state. Personally, though, I think Arnold should call his agent and see if there are any movie offers for 2007. Hate to say that because I thought he had some good ideas, but in the end he proved too politcally green behind the ears to really make a go of it. In fact, his had to be the Titanic of political careers. I mean he started out so fast and strong and looked so unsinkable, and then he hit that iceberg called "the California public employees unions" and, man, I've never seen a politician take on so much water or sink so fast. Of course there are some pundits who say he can still mount a comeback but I don't see how. Not when the Democrats hate his guts and when the Republicans aren't really sure and when he's got his bow buried in 100 feet of sand at the bottom of the ocean.

Oh well, stranger things have happened.

Let's see, I've talked about the weather, I've talked a little politics, hmmm...what else is going on in the ol' Golden State. Oh yeah, the Mercury News. The San Jose Mercury News, our little local gazette, was bought by the McClatchy Group this week, whereupon they promptly put it back on the auction block to be sold again. They haven't found a buyer yet but I'm sure they're working on it. I'd suggest taking out an ad in the classifieds but then who reads the classifieds anymore. Better to post it up on Craigslist, eh?

No, no, no, I don't want to kick 'em when they're down. I've always thought it was a fine paper and certainly a hell of lot better than that pink and green thing they read up north, but these are hard times for the newspaper business. Actually it's not the "news" part that's having such a hard go of it, it's more the "paper" part. Seems like more and more people are getting their news from the internet these days and don't see much value in paying the papers 50 cents for day old news, not when they can get the up-to-the-minute stuff off the Net for free. Frankly I don't know what the newspapers can do about it. About all I can suggest is www.blogspot.com, although the pays not so good.

The real problem is advertising, of course. Advertisers want that "targeted" advertising like you can get on the internet, and they aren't real enthusiastic about newspapers anymore. Which brings up an interesting point. Namely, I see Google Adsense ads all over the place but I can't recall the last time I ever clicked on one. In fact, I don't think I've ever clicked on one except by accident. Now I know I'm not normal this way, and that all of the rest of you out there surfing the net are clicking on these things like crazy and that's why Google's stock is going up and up and it's market cap is soon going to be larger than the combined market caps of the entire S&P 500, but I just think it's strange. All you new economy analysts and Web 2.0 pundits out there - are you really sure this Adsense thing is the miracle it's been touted to be? I guess it is, but I'm not sold on the idea yet. Maybe one day I'll click on one of these ads and it will all make sense.

Adsense, that is.

Anyways, it's a tough time to be in the newspaper business. If it's any consolation to you newspaper people out there let me say that I still read the paper sometimes. Don't get me wrong, most of my news comes over the internet but I still need the paper for the state and local news. For all it's advantages that's something the internet has never been very good at. It's great if you want the time, date and weather in Bangladesh, but it's not so great if you want to know about corruption down at City Hall. Not that you can't find that information on the net, but only if you're searching for it.

So that's the business news. Anything else I left out. Oh yeah, the Sports. Hey, how about those Forty-Niners!

Come to think of it, maybe I'll just skip the sports.

Standing On The Shoulders Of Giants

I'm marking this date down. Monday, May 8, 2006. What's the significance you ask? Simply, that two months from today I am making a promise to myself to check the sports pages and see if anyone still cares about this whole Barry Bonds doping scandal. My prediction is that this story will disappear long before then, but I'll give it 60 days just for good measure.

Now, I realize that folks from outside the Bay Area see things differently from people around here. As a matter of fact, Giants fans could turn on their TV's and see live pictures of Barry Bonds shooting up in the dugout and still not believe in his guilt. "He's never failed a drug test" is what they'd say, and they'd be right. But just as no one actually saw the Titanic hit an iceberg, that didn't stop people from talking about it and coming to their own conclusions.

But this whole steroids and baseball thing, though, I don't know. Give it another month or two and it'll all fade away. Sure, there is plenty of criticism now. I even read one sportswriter who asked "Where does Barry go from here?" Are you kidding me? I'll tell you where he goes. He goes to the ballpark and swats home runs into the San Francisco Bay, that's where. Barry knows that. He knows that the more baseballs he hits out of the yard the less credible his critics become and the more adulation he receives from the fans. Do you think Barry's worried?

No way. Like I said, another 60 days and no one will be talking about steroids. They'll be talking about the record. That's what the sportswriters will be writing about, that's what the sportscasters will be talking about, and I wouldn't be suprised if that's what they'll be promoting on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

Think I'm wrong? Just check back here in 60 days.

As for this other question about Barry's place in the Hall of Fame, well, I'm already on record as saying I think he should go into the Hall but with one qualification. That is put him in the Hall but alongside the photos and the uniform and the record breaking bat and ball be sure you also display the syringes, the vials, the creams and pills and everything else that went into his record-breaking achievement. I think if Baseball is going to accept the dollars that come from it's drugged atheletes, then it should at least be honest enough to own up to the fans and admit it. I mean, it's not like people don't know what's going on here. And yes, that includes those freckle-faced little kids too. Believe me Mr. Major Leage Baseball, they aren't as dumb as you think they are.

And finally, for all the purists and dewy-eyed baseball romantics out there who are horrified that a cheater should be allowed into the baseball's holiest shrine I say "get over it." Sports is a business and under those terms what is really wrong with what Barry has done. Like any go0d businessman he has merely taking some idle cash and reinvested it in new technologies to increase his productivity. More importantly, he gave the fans what they wanted, generated above average returns for his investors, and, in the end, that's all that matters. What the purists don't understand is exactly what Bud Selig and Peter McGowan and Barry Bonds have understood all along. Namely, if the fans don't care then why should they.

Be sure to check back in 60 days.


The Literary Life

Geez, it's Wednesday already and I haven't blogged about the big awards ceremonies last week. I guess it's old news by now but the winner wasn't really that much of a suprise. I'm talking about "The March" by E.L. Doctorow, of course, which has just won the 2005 National Book Critics Circle Award for fiction. (Oh, you thought I was talking about that three and half hour borefest they had in Hollywood last Sunday, didn't you? No, I TIVO'd that sucker and fast-forwarded my way through most of it)

Yes, "The March" won and I went out and bought it last week. I haven't finished it yet but so far I'd say not bad, not bad. Right now we're marching through North Carolina and the narrative is beginning to lose a little steam, but there have been some moments of brilliance along the way. If you haven't read the book then I should explain that it's a historical novel recounting the famous march of General William Tecumseh Sherman through Georgia and the Carolinas back during the Civil War. It's one of those sprawling epic type of books where you drop in out of the lives of various characters and follow them as they weave and intersect their way through an unfolding drama wrought with sex, violence and unlikely coincidence .

Well, something like that.

Think James Michener or Herman Wouk, although Doctorow is probably a better writer than those other two. All in all it's a good read and since I haven't read any of the other nominated books yet I guess I agree with the judges decision. Not that anyone's asked me.

Anyways, it got me to thinking about my own great literary opus. You know, that one I'm going to write someday. I'd like a National Book Critics Circle Award too and sooner or later I'm going to have to get going on it. Problem is I don't know where to start. There are probably thousands of topics I could write about like...like...well,

Actually, I'm not sure if I want to be a literary giant. Sure, the critical acclaim and the praise and the honorary doctorates and all that other stuff would be nice (and the money - let's not forget the money). But you know what happens to you when you became a famous author, don't you? That's right, they make you go out on book tours. Geez, there you are. Ten o'clock at night in Tuscon, Arizona signing books for a lot of blue-haired old ladies that have nothing better to do on a Tuesday night than come out to the local Barnes and Noble and listen to some bore read a couple of pages from his latest masterpiece. No thanks.

And of course the worst part, as every author knows, is that your signature doesn't really become worth anything until you're dead. A book signed by a living author is worth about $1.95, but a book signed by a dead author is worth two-and-a-half, maybe three bucks. So as the line slowly moves past an author knows these people are all wondering the same thing.

"When is he gonna die?"

It's true. I've been to a few book signings and I know how these things work.

"Oh Mr. Jones, I just loved your last book."

"Well thank you very much. It's always nice..."

"Oh, and my sister Clara. She's read all of your books and she just thinks you're the best writer she's ever read. She even likes you better than that Will Shakespeare 'cause, she says, you're not so fancy with your words and such. It's true, I can hardly understand that Shakespeare myself but I always understand your books because they're so simple."

"Well, thank you."

"Yeah, and in that last book of yours. That Custus. Where'd you ever come up with a character like him. So mean all the time and yet so gentle with Cassie when they got married. I mean at first, of course, before that Deborah come and stole him away."

"Actually, that wasn't my book. I think you must have me confused with Foster Simons."

"Oh, my lord, I think you're right. You know, you two write so much alike."

"Thank you."

"Could you sign that 'To Ethel and Clara'. Clara's my sister but she couldn't be here tonight. She has the gout, you know, and the doctor told her..."

"To Ethel and Clara?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Ok, where would you like me to sign it. Here, inside the front cover be OK?"

"Yes, that'd be wonderful. Clara will be so thrilled when I tell her I talked to you tonight."

"Well that's wonderful. Give Clara my (oooooohhh...)"

"Are you alright."

"Yes, it was just a little pain that's all."

"A pain?What kind of pain? Are you alright?"

"Yes.It's nothing really. I think my arm's a little stiff from signing books all night, that's all."

"The pain is in your arm? Is there pain in your chest or your shoulders too?"

"No, it's just a little stiffness, that's all."

"Oh, that's too bad."

"Excuse me."

"I mean, that's too bad you're having pain."

"Thanks. I'll be alright."

"You're not a smoker are you? Or a drinker? I know a lot of writers are heavy smokers and drinkers. You know, like that William Faulkner."

"No, I don't smoke or drink. I try to stay healthy. You know, eat light and exercise everyday."

"Oh, that's too bad."

"I'm sorry."

"I mean that's too bad for William Faulkner. He was only 64 when he died you know. To die at such an early age. That's really too bad. By the way, do you mind my asking how old are you? I mean, if you don't mind my asking."

"Oh, I'm not so old as Faulkner. Don't worry, the doctor says I have lot's of good years ahead of me."

"How many?"

"How many what?"

"Years."

(pause)

"There's your book Ethel. I hope you enjoy it and it was a pleasure meeting you."

"Oh no. Thank you, Mr. Jones. It was so nice to talk to you."

"Okay, who's next?"

"Oh, me. I'm next. It's such a pleasure to meet you Mr. Jones. I've read all of your books."

"Thank you."

"Oh, you're such a wonderful writer. Would you mind if I asked you for a small little favor?"

"Sure. You want to take a picture?"

"Well, no. Actually, would you mind if I took your pulse?"

Dead Cat Is Playing With His Cellphone Again


Seems like people from California are always talking about the weather. Well, can you blame us? I mean, what else is there to brag about. The sky high prices, the clogged freeways? The weather is really the only thing we have going for us out here and it turns out most of you agree. In fact I heard that about 3 million more of you are expected to move here in the coming years. Frankly I don't know where we're going to put you all but I've got a spare bedroom if you think that'll help.

Anyways, it was another spectacularly beautiful day here in the Golden State so I thought this would be a good time to get out my camera phone and finally figure out how to use it. I remember I tried it once when I first bought the phone and the pictures were horrible, but still it was worth another chance. Unfortunately, my first impressions were right on the money. This thing takes terrible pictures. A couple of 'em turned out ok, though, so here goes.


This first shot is the trail where I go walking everyday. Well, most days that is (geez, I hope my doctor isn't reading this). No, honest doc, I'm eating right and walking every day just like you told me to.

Notice the blue sky and sunshine. You might also note the green trees and purple flowers.

Just a typical California winter.

Actually, if my camera phone hadn't managed to screw up the contrast and wash out all the colors you'd see just how pretty a day it was.

That's a jogger in the foreground in case you were wondering. I know it looks like she's hopping up and down on one leg but that's just an optical illusion.


Well, that certainly was exciting.



This next shot is supposed to be a bridge. Unfortunately, my camera phone only has a wide angle lens on it so it wound up looking like a big pile of weeds instead.

Still, if you look real carefully towards the right side of the picture about a quarter of the way down you can see this gray thing kind of sticking out to the left. It kind of looks like a pipe but it's actually the side of the bridge over Los Gatos Creek.

All in all, though, I guess it's not a terrible shot. Kind of existential, in a way.




I had took about 6 or 7 more pic's on my walk but these are the only ones that are worth looking at. I think next time I decide to take photos I'll bring along my regular camera instead. In another month or so the flowers should really start blooming and I should be able to get some nice shots. Until then that's all I have for today.

Actually, I do have one more. Here's a picture of Lionel Barrymore.


There, that's better.

When It Was Just A Game

I don't know why this year's Winter Olympics weren't more popular than they were. To tell the truth, except for the curling and a little bit of the hockey I didn't watch 'em. But that doesn't mean I don't have a theory. After all, I'm a blogger. That's what I do.

So, here goes.

Actually, I think the Olympic's problem is all related to something I call the "Curt Gowdy" effect. What's that, you ask. Who's Curt Gowdy, you wonder. Well, thank goodness there are still a few toothless old-timers like me who can remember back in the '60's and '70's when Curt Gowdy was simply the voice of sports of America. Yes, that's right children, even though there was no ESPN back then they still had sports on TV. In those days there were really only two sports in America - baseball and football - and as the top dog at NBC Gowdy used to call all the nationally televised baseball games (including the playoffs and World Series) and most of the important AFL/AFC football games.

And what a voice he had too. Just as easy and relaxed as aThanksgiving dinner at grandma's house.

He was the king of the sports airwaves back then, and only CBS' Pat Summerall and Tom Brookshier even approached his national standing. But Gowdy wasn't a sportscaster in the modern sense of the word. He was of a different era. There was no razzmatazz. He was neither coying nor clever, but sensible and well-rounded, and I always got the feeling that as far as Gowdy was concerned, once the game was over it was over. The contest had been decided and now it was time to go fishing or hunting or whatever else was next on the agenda. Gowdy was a sports fan, but not a fanatic.

Now fast forward to today and think about someone like Al Michaels. I like Al Michaels and he's certainly very good at what he does, but he seems to be a totally different animal than Curt Gowdy. Maybe it's just me, but Al Michaels always gives the impression that even though the game is over he's still talking sports. He's talking sports on the phone, he's talking sports at the dinner table, he's talking sports when he gets up in the morning and he's dreaming sports when he goes to sleep at night. Obviously I don't know the guy and I could be completely wrong about this, but he just seems like the typically modern, post-ESPN 24 hours a day, 7 days a week sports guy. And if he does ever go fishing, I bet he's sitting there in the boat obsessing over stats from last nights Yankees-Red Sox game.

Am I wrong about that? Does anyone else get that same impression?

So what am I getting at here with all this blather? It's just that maybe in this era of wall-to-wall sports tv, this era of sports mania and extreme fans and all that, maybe the Winter Olympics aren't as unique as they once were. Back in the Gowdy days people had a certain perspective about things, but nowdays people are obsessed. They want their sports NOW. They want the scores NOW. They want the stats and video and the bloopers and the rest of that stuff and they don't have much patience with network schedules and primetime and all those other artificial barriers. Where's my SPORTS! Do you realize that the game was over 30 seconds ago and I still don't have the score. What's wrong with you people?

Ahhhhh...... Rest in Peace Curt Gowdy. There'll be plenty of time to catch up on the scores later.

Dead Cat Goes To Washington

"Senator, do you mind if I have a few words with you. Please. It will only take a minute."

"Ok, but I'm late for a meeting."

"Thank you very much Senator. Can I call you Chuck?"

"No."

"Sorry.

(pause)

So, Senator Schumer, I was wondering if you could tell me why you're making all this fuss over the Dubai Ports deal?"

"Are you kidding? Do you want the Arabs running the Port of New York?"

"I don't know. Do I?"

"They're the enemy you idiot. You want the enemy running the Port of Baltimore?"

"I thought the terrorists were the enemy, Senator. Do you mean to tell me that we aren't really at war with just the terrorists? Are you saying we're really at war with the entire Arab world?"

"We're at war with the terrorists."

"Then why are the Arabs our enemies?"

"Because the terrorists are Arabs."

"And all Arabs are terrorists?"

"No, no, no. I didn't say that. Look, it's like this. Birds of a feather, you know what I mean."

"?"

"I mean, I like the Arabs. Really, I do. I've travelled around the world and met many Arabs and most of them are fine people. Good, solid citizens, wouldn't hurt a fly. But that doesn't mean I'd want them to move in next door and marry my sister, you know what I mean. Let's just be careful, that's all I'm saying. Let's just sit down and think about this before we do something we're going to regret later. Believe me, once you let one of 'em in then there goes the whole neighborhood. You know what I mean?"

"Oh, yeah, I got you now."

"Yeah, you see how it is."

"Seems like a bunch of B.S. to me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, c'mon, we know what this is really about, don't we? You don't care about who owns this or that or who owns the Port of New York or even who marries your sister. What you're really trying to do is distract us. You're trying to take our minds off the fact that we pay you guys up there in Washington to run the country and you don't do diddly squat. I mean, just look at Social Security and Medicare. Everyone knows that we're headed for a train wreck in our entitlement programs. Everyone knows we've got to get this thing straightened out. Everyone knows that if we don't act now then there's going to be the Devil to pay later. We've known all of it for at least the last 20 years and what have you guys in Washington done. Diddly, that's what."

"That's not our fault. We Democrats have..."

"Oh puleeeeeezeeeee. We Democrats...we Republicans....I'm sick of it. That's all we ever get from Washington. Blame, blame, blame, and meanwhile nothing ever gets done. You know why you're spending so much time worrying about Dubai Ports? I know why. You want me to tell you why?"

"I think you're being..."

"It's because Dubai Ports just happens to be the latest scandal, that's why. Every week, every month, it's all about the latest scandal. Some petty little fight breaks out somewhere and a million reporters go shuffling off to cover it. And then the next week comes some petty little misstep and off they go scurrying in the other direction. That's all that happens in Washington anymore. It's just one scandal to the next, and that's just fine by you because as long as public is consumed by the latest controversy then you know you won't be held accountable for all the really big problems you seem so powerless to contain. That's what this whole Dubai Ports thing is really about, isn't it?"

"Look , if you'll just give me a chance to..."

"Do you really think that Dubai Ports, a multinational coporation with business operations in Europe, Asia, the Middle East, Australia and South America is really coming here to open a bunch of terrorist bases? Is that what you think?"

"If you'll just give me a chance..."

"I know. Maybe you have some secret information. Maybe there's some kind of Zimmerman Note floating around. Some kind of secret alliance between the United Arab Emirates and Mexico. C'mon, Senator. What gives? What's really going on here?"

"No comment. What paper did you say you worked for?"

"I don't work for a paper. I'm a blogger. I work for the people."

"Look, I gotta go. I'm late for my meeting."

"Just answer the question Senator. What did you know and when did you know it?"

"Been nice talking to you."

"Is it true that you have an illegitimate child still living in Dubai? Just answer the question, Senator. "

"That's a total fabrication of the facts."

"Is it true that there is a secret slush fund worth billions of dollars? Where did that money come from Senator?"

"I don't know what you're..."

"Just answer the question, Senator. Senator? Senator...? (Damn. I had him cornered, too. I had his back against the wall and I let him get away. A good journalist would never have done that. Once he get's the smell of blood in the water, a good journalist always moves in for the kill. He moves stealthily, relying on cunning and instinct to stalk his prey, lulling it into a false sense of security and then CHOMP, he bites its head off)."

(sigh)

I had him cornered too.

Life, The Universe, and Curling

"Damn, dude. Where have you been?"

"What? Whatta you mean 'where have I been'? I've been right here, dude."

"No, but I mean it's been like 2 weeks since you posted anything to your blog. I thought maybe you died or went hunting with Dick Cheney or something."

"I've been busy, ok?"

"Busy doing what?"

"Stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Who are you, my mama? Do I have to report back to you about everything I do? I've been doing stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. Excuse me if I didn't write it all down for you."

"Well, excuuuuse me. What are you some kind of spy or something? You got some super-secret thing going on that I'm not supposed to know about? All I asked was a simple question. You don't need to get all defensive about it. Sheeet."

"I'm not getting defensive. You don't see me asking you about your business, do you. So why are you asking me about mine. Sheeeet."

"I just got back from Cabo, man. Me and Jocelyn took a little vacation, you know. Kicking back on the beach, drinking Margueritas, doing a little dancing and a little partying. Oh man, it was..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You and your old lady went down to Cabo. Sounds great."

(pregnant pause)

"Well what's wrong with you? You got some kind of problem with a man taking his woman down to Mexico for a little R and R?"

"No, sounds great. Really. Sounds like you two had a wonderful time."

"Well don't sound so overjoyed about it. Jesus H. Christ. I'm sorry I brought it up."

"Hey, I said I was happy for you, didn't I? What am I supposed to do? Jump up and down and give you a big hug."

"You are one crabby-ass mother..."

"I ain't crabby. I'm happy for you. See...see me smiling here. Ooooh, I'm just so happy for the two of you."

"Yeah, whatever. You know, you need to lighten up a little, man. You need to get that bug out of your ass and relax a little, that's what you need. Try not to act so constipated all the time."

"Yeah, right."

"Damn right, I'm right. You know what your problem is? You're jealous. You're jealous 'cause I got a fine lady who loves me and takes care of me and all you got is some internet porn and one hairy hand to keep you company at night. That's what your problem is."

"F___ you! I got plenty of women. I got more women than I know what to do with. Man, all I got to do is pick up the phone and I can have as many women as I want. All I got to do is walk down the street and pick out the ones I want and take 'em home. "

"Oh, I see. Now you're James f___ing Bond or something. You just sip your martini and the women fall all over you."

"You don't believe me? Is that what you're saying? You don't believe me? The other night...I ain't lying now, the other night I had three. That's right. One in the bedroom, one on the phone, and one I was gonna stop by and see a little later."

"You're a lying motherf_____. I bet you ain't had three women in your entire life, let alone all in one night. Anyways, who cares. Who cares if it's three or fifty-three. One good woman is all you need. One good woman who'll love you and take care of you is all it takes. Once you have one good woman, it don't matter about all the rest."

"Sheeet, not me. I see a woman and I take her. And if I don't like her I just put her down and try someone else. I mean, how are you going to which is the tastiest dish unless you try everything on the menu."

"Man, you try everything on the menu and you know what's gonna happen. You're gonna end up fat and sick and ugly. That's what's gonna happen. All you need is one good one who can cook it up just right, and you'll be pink and healthy the rest of your days."

"Not me, man. I'm a born lover. I'm lean and mean and I can get any woman I want."

"Yeah, as long as they take mastercard or visa. "

"Heh, heh, heh...that was cold. "

"Anyways, like I was saying, what have you been up to these last couple of weeks. I mean, besides cruising the streets for love."

"Sheeet, I was just kidding man. Actually, I've been watching curling."

"You've been what?"

"I've been watching curling."

"Hurling?"

"No, curling. What are you stupid? You know curling, at the Olympics."

"Curling. At the Olympics? What the hell is curling?"

"It's a sport man. Haven't you been watching?"

"No, I've been down in Cabo and besides, I hate the Olympics. All those stupid little sports they have."

"You mean JF&T?"

"What's that?"

"You know, Jump, Flip and Twirl. All the Olympic sports are like that now. They have JF&T skiing, and JF&T figure skating, and JF&T snowboarding, and everything else they can think of. I hear at the next Olympics they're even gonna add some ramps to the Bobsled run and have the sledders throw in a few flips and twirls too."

"Yeah, that's what I mean. I can't figure any of that stuff out. I mean some guy goes up in the air and does a little twist and they give him 5 points or something, and the next guy comes down and does a little twist and they only give him like 4.9 or something, and I can't tell the difference between what the first guy did and the second guy did. It's weird, man."

"It's the judges. To me, any sport that uses judges ain't a real sport. It's like a beauty contest or something."

"Damn right."

"That's what's great about curling. It's a total skill game. There are no judges or officials or anything like that. It's just the players and maybe five or six rules at the most."

"So how's it played."

"You just have to watch it and figure it out. It's too complicated to explain. But it's like a puzzle or something. What you do is slide a stone down a sheet of ice and try to end up closer to the center of a bullseye than the other team. The problem is that each team gets to throw 8 stones apiece, and so each team has to figure out how to block and knock out the other teams stones so that they end up the closest to the center. I'm telling you, the strategy is intense."

"And that's what you've been doing for the past two weeks. Watching curling. I've been living it up down in Mexico and you've been sitting in front of the TV watching people slide stones down a sheet of ice."

(pause)

"They also serve who only stand and wait."

"Huh?"

"I'm getting old, man, what can I say. You know they had a big bicycle race here in San Jose today. The Tour de California or something like that. They had top riders coming in from all over the world to race in it and they passed by just a block from my house."

"So...um...what's your point. You watched a bicycle race today."

"No, I was at work. They passed a block from my house but I was at work."

"So?"

"I mean that's so San Jose, you know. They finally have this big international event and have all these stars come over and instead of having it on a weekend they have it on a Tuesday. I mean that is just such a half-ass San Jose way of doing things. Get half of it right and then still manage to screw it all up."

"Man, you lost me. What the hell you're talking about."

"I'm getting old, man, and it's like I'm spending all this time waiting for one last chance, and then when opportunity finally arrives, it arrives on a Tuesday. And I've got to work on Tuesdays, you know what I mean."

"That's pathetic, man. You need to get a grip on yourself. It was only a bicycle race."

"It was a metaphor, dude. A symbol. Somewhere out there a higher being is trying to tell me something."

"Yeah, he's telling you to lay off the crack pipe, that's what he's telling you."

"No...well, that too. But he's trying to tell me something else. It's like the puzzle is in front of me and all I have to do is find the right strategy. Put up a couple of corner guards and then draw behind them to the eight foot. Put it just in front of the T Line, then freeze to other teams rock and go for a big end."

"A big end?"

"Yeah, a big end!"

"Ok. Hey, it was nice talking to you but I gotta go...uh...wash my nikes now. See you around, ok. Maybe when the men in the white coats say it's alright for you to come home."

"Go for the big end, man. That's what I gotta do. Go for the big end."

"Later..."

Ladies and Gents, Dead Cat Looks at the News


National News: The AP reported today that NEA (National Endowment for the Arts) has entered into a new program with the U.S. Department of Defense to bring live opera to 39 military bases around the nation. At recent performances at Fort Carson, CO and Picatinny Arsenal in Wharton, NJ, the performances proved so popular that opera goers actually had to be turned away at the door.

So for all of you cynics and rock and roll snobs out there all I have to say is

Phhhhhhhhttttttt!!!!

Let me rephrase that. As you can see it isn't just fops and dandies or ivy-league intellectuals who are enjoying opera these days. These performances were for soldiers - grizzled, battle-hardened soldiers. People like John Wayne or Lee Marvin or Demi Moore (?) who've looked death in the eye and spit in it's face, and yet still break down and bawl like babies when Si, Mi chiamano Mimi is sung. Ah, this was the best news I've heard all year. You see you don't have to be a nerd to love opera. Manly men and hearty women like it too.

But then that's not the only opera news that was made recently. I'm sure you heard about the Drew Barrymore-Fabrizio Moretti incident at the Metropolitan Opera in New York. According to Fabrizio, the couple got bored at a performance of "La Boheme" and decided to sneak off to the ladies room for an intimate and romantic moment. Knowing the kind of passions that Italian opera can ignite I was not suprised by the whole affair, but others, reading about it in US Magazine, were shocked. Of course longtime Letterman fans know that Drew has never been what you would call a shrinking violet, so I say, considering Ms. Barrymore's high spirits, all of you opera goers should just forget the whole thing and be happy the couple decided to do it in the ladies room and not up there on the stage.

Anyways, when I heard the news I immediately got curious and logged onto Rhapsody to listen to a few tracks by Moretti's band The Strokes. All I can say Fabrizio is, well, I'm sorry you were bored, but you know people have been coming to hear Puccini's music for over a hundred years now and they'll still be listening long after bland, middle-of-the-road, post punk pop bands like The Strokes are no more than little italicized footnotes in peoples distant teenybopper pasts.

Besides, I was listening to Father Roderick today and even he, it turns out, is a big opera fan. And Father Roderick is very cool, probably the hippest catholic since JFK. So if it's good enough for the Marines, if it's good enough for The Catholic Insider, then it's certainly good enough for me. And I could care less if nerds like Fabrizo Moretti can't catch on.

State News: Last week the California Air Resources Board classified second hand smoke as a toxic pollutant. This is seen as the first step towards further regulation of smoking in California. Although some environmental activists have declared that the door is now open for an outright smoking ban in the state, the CARB is likely to take a more cautious approach. No one knows exactly what they will do, but most agree that eventually smoking will be banned in all public areas (both indoors and outdoors), in and around public buildings (no more groups of smokers taking their breaks in front of the office), inside automobiles, and in all apartments and condominiums.

The only reason I bring this up is because, as you know, in California it is legal to sell and possess marijuana for medicinal purposes. If these new smoking regulations are passed (as is widely expected), then in a few years California may be the only place in the world where smoking pot is legal and smoking cigarettes isn't.

I tell ya', things don't get anymore "California" than that.

Economic News: The national savings rate just dropped to it's lowest level since the Great Depression at -0.5%. For those of you like me who were never very good at math, that means that Americans are now spending more than they earn and are doing so at the highest rate since the 1930's, which were not very good economic times. Conversely, household net worth in the U.S. stands at a record $51 trillion. Which means what, exactly.

Apparently, we're spending more, savings less, and getting richer doing it. That's one of them there paradox things, you see. The more we spend, the more money we have. Still, you gotta think that things can't go on like that forever. And let me add this to the mix. We're the richest nation on earth and yet each year we are exporting more and more of our wealth overseas, particulary to Asia. So how does any of this make any sense? How long can we continue to spend what we don't have and export what we do have overseas? Doesn't it seem like sooner or later you gotta balance the books?

Well, I'm no economist.

In further economic news, Exxon today reported profits in the 4th quarter of 2005 of $10.71 billion and total profits for the year of $36.13 billion. Look for members of Congress to start screaming bloody murder later this week with new hearings and studies to follow. Ho-hum. As Louis Rukeyser, the great and former host of PBS' Wall Street Week used to remark, why is it that when the price of oil goes up the Congress always wants to hold hearings on the oil companies obscene profits, but when the price of oil goes down they never want hold hearings on the oil companies obscene losses.

Like I said, I'm no economist but I do think I understand this supply and demand thing a little. You see if I have something - say a shoebox full of Pete Domenici bumper stickers, for example - and no one wants 'em. That means no one wants to buy them and they have very little monetary value. However, if all of a sudden Pete Domenici bumper stickers start getting popular and everybody wants 'em, then everybody wants to buy them and their monetary value goes up. In the former case, I end up with a box full of useless political paraphanalia, and in the latter case I get filthy rich. Isn't oil a little like that? They got a hot commodity, people are willing to pay big bucks for it, and they're getting rich. Sheesh, if you don't like it then buy a Prius.

If Walter Cronkite was doing this blog that's what he'd tell you.

The Crayola Effect

What I don't get about this whole Google thing with the subpoena's and the privacy concerns and all that is this: If the government wants to know what Google has in their database why don't they just ask the NSA. Sheesh, little things like warrants and subpoenas never stopped them before.

Anyways, turning to the mailbag, Brent from Canby MN writes:

"What exactly is podcasting?"

Well Brent, imagine a professional and profitable media business with a staff of highly trained marketers, producers, engineers and on-air talent. Then imagine that business using sophisticated polling data and audience sampling to figure out what type of music and on-air entertainment most appeals to their listeners. And then, having polled their audience and analyzed their listening preferences, imagine that business creating a playlist of songs that their audience has indicated they like. And then imagine that business playing that same list of songs, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, over and over and over and over again until their listeners are sick of hearing them and threatening to burn down the station if they ever play them again. And then imagine those listeners disgustedly scanning through the other stations in their area for anybody playing anything different from that same list of songs they keep hearing over and over and over again. And then imagine those listeners not being able to find any other stations because, it turns out, all the stations are copying that same highly successful station that you've been listening to and playing from the same narrow list of songs. And imagine this goes on month after month, year after year, over and over and over again.

Well Brent, that is what we call terrestrial radio.

Now, instead of that, imagine some guy sitting around the house in his underwear and talking into a microphone about what was on TV last night or what he had for breakfast, and imagine that every now and then he plays a song he heard and liked and plays it for no other reason than he heard it and liked it. Or maybe it's not some guy but a couple talking about their sex lives or a parent talking about his kids or a bunch of geeks rambling on about 802.11 pre N routers, or maybe it's just someone foaming and ranting about nothing at all.

That Brent, is podcasting.

So now that you know what podcasting is I guess the real question becomes "does podcasting have a future?" That's a good question and let me try to address it as best I can.

I should begin with a short history lesson. Podcasting has only really been in the public's eye for about a year and half now, and in that time it has gone through some major changes. When it first started out it was like kind of an underground movement of mostly anti-establishment types who wanted to turn the media business upside down and create a sort of "peoples" radio (Viva La Raza!). That was the honeymoon period of podcasting and it lasted about 9 months or so until podcasters started gaining real audiences and finding that they were just as fascinated by numbers as their terrestrial brothers were.

This led to Phase II podcasting wherein podcasters started looking around and asking themselves "how can I make money off of these numbers." A fair question to ask and I'm certainly not here to libel them as counter-revolutionaries or anything like that. Their shows had become popular and there are people who pay other people for their audiences and, well, the stuff doesn't grow on trees you know. But as podcasters became more and more concerned with growing their audience their podcasts began to sound more and more like, you know, radio. That guy wasn't sitting around in his underwear anymore. He was shaving and showering and putting on a nice suit and checking his breath before he went a-courtin'. At the same time, a lot of those people over in traditional radio who'd been sitting around picking their toes while this whole podcasting thing started to take off suddenly sat up and took notice. They too, it seems, wanted to get into podcasting and did so in a big way, using their clout and influence to cut in front of those early revolutionaries and muscle their way to the top of the podcasting heap.

That pissed off a lot of old time podcasters and lead to the current state of affairs which I guess could be called Phase III. Now we have podcasters forming podcasting networks and hoping that by banding together they can withstand the onslaught from traditional media. "New media empires to replace the old" has become their rallying cry, I guess, and all the while the old empires continue to move in and occupy space. The young turks try to pretend they don't care, but believe me, they care.

So, how is all this going to play out? Does podcasting have a future? Well, sure it does. Podcasting is just portable media and that just means more convenience for the user. The audience is never going to go back to a world of less choice and less convenience. What about podcasters? Do they have a future? Sure they do, provided they're willing to adapt, and that's what I believe you are going to see.

Old media is never going to change. Why should they when they dominate the market. Even a successful podcast with say 4 or 5 hundred thousand listeners is nothing compared to the 200,000,000 or so listeners that terrestrial radio has. There is no reason for old media to come into the podcasting space and change their way of doing things, especially when it's a proven model. It's just a marketing problem for them, not a fundamental business problem.

What's going to have to happen instead is that podcasters are going to have to change their way of doing things, i.e. become more and more like old media. If they want to change the world then they're going to have to learn from old media and follow their lead. That's my prediction, anyways, and I think that's exactly what's happening. You just wait and see. In a few years you won't be able to tell an independent podcast from a Clear Channel podcast. They'll both sound exactly the same, and don't be suprised if one day you hear former revolutionaries like Adam Curry getting in front of his mike and loudly singing the praises of Sony BMG and the RIAA and all the other enemies of the past.

It's gonna happen.

I should probably mention that I'm an occasional podcaster myself. My podcast is called Old Man Radio and it comes out every couple of weeks, or couple of months, or whenever I have the time to do one. I'm strictly an amateur, though, and all you have to do is listen to one of my podcasts if you don't believe me. So now, you may wonder, is there any future for dabblers like me? Well, as long as I keep paying my hosting bills then I'll be around, but I have a whole different set of problems. That's what I really want to talk about. The problem with the music.

You see my podcast is all about so-called "podsafe" music - music which is freely distributed by the artists for download and play. There's a lot of it around and some of it is pretty good, but I'm finding the musical experience more and more disappointing each day. It's just getting harder and harder to find good podsafe music and I think the blame has to rest squarely on the shoulders of all this new technology.

Yes, that's right. Technology. The bane and boon of modern existence. It's wonderful stuff really. With just a computer, some sound equipment and some software anyone can produce, record and distribute professional sounding music. And that's the problem. The way it works is you take this equipment and lay down tracks. One track may be the percussion, another the base line, another the keyboards, and so on. You record these tracks and layer them one on top of the other until you get a collection of sounds that play together as complete song. It's really amazing what persistence and a little of bit of creativity can produce.

So what's the problem? Well, how many times have you heard someone complain that "all the music nowdays sucks." I've heard the complaint made many times and everyone wants to blame the record companies or the radio stations or the just the music business in general and I tell you none of those are to blame. The real problem, and believe me I listen to a lot of music, is this formulaic approach to music making, this layering, that is so prevalent. These days making music is a lot like making a sandwich, and even though there are some good tasting sandwiches out there, no one wants to eat corned beef on rye for the rest of their life.

Which brings me to my main complaint. Whatever happened to bands? Whatever happened to musicians? Whatever happened to the dynamic interplay of the guitars and the keyboards, or the vocals and the rhythm section. Remember that? Remember when musicians used to sit down together and listen to each other and toss out ideas and play with them and explore. After a few hours spent in the podsafe music world I'm beginning to wonder if musicians do that anymore. Believe me, it's a real problem. When you just layer one sound on top of another, when you introduce a theme and don't develop it, when you just add sound to it and don't play with it and explore it, then you lose the energy of a working band and the whole thing becomes static and lifeless. It's like the difference between Titian nude and a 4 year old with a coloring book and crayons. Will she color the hair orange or brown? Who cares.

Ok, maybe there are still bands around. But good bands? Talented bands? That's what's missing from the podsafe music scene. Where are all the good musicians? You know, the ones who are stuck in a studio somewhere backing up the latest teenage no-talent fashion model pop sensation and wondering if maybe they shouldn't have gotten into the insurance business instead. Is that just a stereotype? The musician who does what he has to during the week, and then goes out on the weekends and plays the stuff he really loves, the stuff no teenage no-talent fashion model pop sensation record company would ever want. Wouldn't it be great if some of those frustrated musicians decided to put some of their music on the internet?

Fat chance, I guess. The problem is that if a musician is good, really good, then he or she is probably still thinking that someday that A & R guy is going to walk into a club one night and make them a star. They're never gonna just give it away for free.

Which leaves the layered stuff. I play a lot of it on my podcast and I reallly do like the stuff I play, but a lot of times I find myself gnashing my teeth and saying "that part was good, now do something with it. Work on it, develop it some more. Don't just layer a bunch of crap on top. Make something new out of it for Christ's sake!". Somehow, though, I don't think today's musicians know any other way. That's why there's so much crap out there.

Yeah, podcasting has a future, but it's gonna be frustrating.