Dead Cat On A Mountain

Where Does It Hurt?

2008-12-18T01:02:00.000-08:00

"Back from death's door, tonight's guest has been gracious enough to take time from his busy schedule and spend a few moments with us. Won't you please help me welcome the author himself, Mr. Dead Cat. DC, nice of you drop by."

"Well this is my blog."

"Yes. Before we get started let's talk about you for a second. We've all been following the news of your recent hospitalization. The equanimity and courage you've shown during what must have been a painful and frightening ordeal has been an inspiration to us all."

"I just did what anyone would have done. After all, what is it to be alive but to suffer, and struggle, and overcome. Yes, I have looked into the jaws of death and felt the cold, black chasm of eternity, and though I stood upon the very precipice of hell, the ordeal has only made me stronger. No matter the cost, my mind is sound and my resolve is strong."

"The reports have been vague as to exactly what it was that brought you so close to your death."

"At first they thought it was my heart, but all the tests have come back negative. Looks like it may have been a bad case of gas."

"Nevertheless, your story has reminded many people how precious and fragile a thing life is. You know, with the economy being the way it is, people are worried about what will happen to them if they should lose a job and find themselves having to go to the hospital without the benefit of health insurance. Are there any words of advice you can give them?"

"$5,184.00 a night."

"$5,184.00 a night? Is that what hospitalization costs these days?"

"No, that's just what the bed costs. Everything else like care, feeding and medicine is extra."

"And how much does all that come to?"

"I couldn't tell you. You see, that's the funny thing about hospitals. You don't get just one bill like you do at a hotel or something like that. You get a whole series of bills. You get bills from doctors and technicians and radiologists and all kinds of people you never heard of. It's like you're in there thinking you're going to die and all these people are telling you that you need this done and that done, and not a one of them is quoting you a price. Then when it's all over, they just keep sending you these bills. It's like every day I open the mail and it turns out I owe someone else money. I think I've paid the last of them, but who knows what will come tomorrow."

"How much have you paid so far."

"I was in the hospital for a little over 20 hours, and so far the bill is up around $26,000. However, that does include a breakfast, lunch and dinner."

"What if you can't pay it?"

"The bottom line is that if you don't have health insurance, get it. Even if you can't afford it, you still need to get it. On the other hand, if you do have health insurance then be glad, because you have no idea how expensive this stuff is."

"And if you can't pay it?"

"My advice for those who absolutely can't afford or get health insurance is to hire yourself a crooked lawyer and see if he can move your assets someplace offshore and off the books. That way you can at least plead poverty when the bills start rolling in. Otherwise, there's always bankruptcy."

"Good advice. Anything else you'd like to add?"

"Yeah. If you're uninsured and you find yourself having a heart attack or stroke or whatever, you might want to consider your situation before you call the ambulance or make that trip to the hospital. Ask yourself, "would I be better off dead, or would I be better off financially ruined", and then consider the consquences of each. You know, $5,184.00 a night will get you a nice hotel room most places, and it might be better to die comfortably in some tropical paradise than to spend the rest of your life sleeping in doorways and eating out garbage cans. Also, let me add one more thing. Don't forget that medical care is much cheaper overseas than it is here and medical tourism is a popular option. If you're planning to have a heart attack or seizure, you might want to put it off for a while and explore Bangkok or Acapulco. Even after adding in the cost of travel, they may be a more affordable option."

"That's certainly food for thought and something we all should keep in mind. But let's move onto some other topics, shall we? Everyone's concerned about the economy these days, so what do you think of this whole idea of bailing out the Big 3 auto companies. Good idea?"

"Funny you should ask that because, as you know, I know absolutely nothing about cars. But I did attend the SF Auto Show recently and came away with a few impressions."

"Such as?"

"It's not just GM, Ford and Chrysler that are pushing the trucks and SUV's. Just about every auto company out there had plenty of big iron to peddle, and I'd say about at least 3/4 of the show space was dedicated to "non-green" technologies. In fact, despite all this talk we've been hearing about "the cars of the future", I bet you could have taken all the high mileage, low emission vehicles at the show fit them in a room no bigger than the little cafeteria they had set up next to the escalators (where you can buy a week old $9.00 tuna sandwich and a $5.00 watered down soda, and still get change back from your twenty). Seems to me, if you're an auto executive sitting in front of a bunch of Congressman you'll gladly talk about "green", but when you get to the sales floor you still give the American public what they want, and that's big ol' engines and two tons of steel."

"Didn't you see anything you liked?"

"Yeah, I thought the Ford Fusion Hybrid made a nice showing, Better looking than the Camry and better mileage too. Of course, first impressions can be deceiving. I don't know how it'll do over the long haul, but I was a little surprised how nice it was."

"So you'd buy the Fusion Hybrid?"

"No, I didn't say that. I think I'd rather have one of those Ducati Desmosedici's like Jay Leno has. You know, a red one that'll do a 150 mph just pulling out the parking lot. Besides, I've owned a couple of Fords and I'm not sure I'm ready to own another one. "

"How come?"

"Well, my first Ford was an Escort, so what can I say. It was all I could afford at the time. My second Ford was an 85 Mustang. Not the GT, but an LX with a five speed and the 5.0 engine. Man, that was a beautiful car. In fact, every month when I'd go down to the shop to pick it up, I'd see it up there on the lift and say "Man, that's a beautiful car". Then I'd pay the repair bill and drive it for a month until the next thing broke."

"Not too reliable, huh?"

"If you like to turn wrenches and scrape your knuckles, then Ford's are great. Otherwise, ... Anyway, as for this whole bailout thing, has anyone stopped to ask the taxpayers if they really want to invest in an auto company? And if they do, do they really want to invest in GM or Chrysler? I mean, if you're going to be putting 40 or 50 billion into an auto company, wouldn't you rather invest in Toyota or Honda or BMW or someone like that? I went by the GM display at the show and was not impressed at all. They had one actual working Hybrid, and it only got 2 mpg better than their regular car. I think it was a Chevy Malibu or something like that. Either way, if GM wants to sell Cadillac Escalades then more power to them, and if they turn a profit then that's even better, but why in the world should the taxpayers subsidize them. That's what I don't get. If it helps the country use less gas and keeps the air clean then invest a few billion, but we don't need spend billions of dollars just so they can put more tanks on the highways. That's my personal opinion, of course."

"But what about the auto workers? We could lose millions of jobs."

"Yeah, you know it was really touching to see the auto workers come out in support of all those people in the service sector who lost their jobs this year. It really warmed my heart to see their outpouring of sympathy for the hundreds and hundreds of thousands who've hit the unemployment lines with no health care or pensions or job banks to fall back on. I guess if it's service jobs that are lost then that's just tough luck, but if it's auto worker jobs that are going then it's time for everyone else to bail them out because, lord knows, auto workers are special."

"You sound awfully bitter."

"Really? I thought I was being nice. You should hear what I'm really thinking. Anyway, the auto workers have a union and the union has lobbyists and that's the way the world works. I'm sure they'll get the money, and the lobbyists will get their bonuses, and the Congresspeople will get their important Midwestern swing state votes, and sooner or later the rest of us will get stuck with the bill."

"You are bitter."

"It's been a rough year."

"Any last thoughts?"

"Yeah. When I think about all those health insurance premiums I paid over the years and never got to use because I never needed to, and now that I find myself needing the insurance, the insurance is gone and all money they took out of my paychecks is down the drain, well... If I ever hear another Congressperson or Senator telling me what a wonderful health care system we have in this country, I swear I am personally going to fly to Washington and start throwing shoes. That's all."

"Thanks DC, and have a happy holiday."

"You too."

This Little Piggy Went to Market

2008-11-20T01:12:00.000-08:00

I just thought I'd take a little time out from my current "life crisis" to visit the ol' blog - just to see if anybody missed me. Judging from the flood of email I've received I'd have to say it's pretty obvious that you did. Well, at least the spambots missed me, and, other than the occasional link trader, the spambots are the bulk of my readership. As I've always said, if no one's reading, then at least it's nice to know I'm being scanned.

Anyways, I've been seeing a few of these things around town and thought maybe you have too. They're called Smart Cars, and though you might not know it, this, my friend, is the technology that is going to lead us towards energy independence. The first time I saw one rolling down the highway I thought it looked like a stubbed toe. As I looked some more, however, I changed my mind. With it's cutesy dimensions and bubbly physique, it reminded me of one of those Disney cars. I don't know which one, but you must have seen the movie.

The Smart Car is made by Mercedes Benz and apparently is quite popular over in Europe (or so they claim). According to the spec sheet, it's got an all aluminum, fuel injected, 1 liter engine, a 5 speed automated manual transmission (?), and abs with traction control. If you opt for the Passion Coupe you'll get a/c, power doors and windows, heated mirrors, am/fm radio with input jack, and something called a Panorama roof (one of those things that leaks in the rain, I'm guessing) all for a very affordable $13,900 msrp. Mercedes claims a top speed of 90 mph for the Smart Car and it's EPA rated at 33/41, delivering near-hybrid type mileage for about $10,000 less, albeit with room for two only and their carry-on luggage.

Not bad for a practical, efficient, environmentally friendly (many of its parts are recyclable) vehicle, and just the ticket for our resource-depleted, globally warming world. Yes, while the Big 3 are up there in Washington crying to Congress that fate has dealt them a cruel blow, Mercedes is out in the marketplace selling cars for a new era, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if this little car doesn't go out there and prove to be a complete and utter failure, because no matter how politically correct it may be, the Smart Car is one goofy looking automobile. Perfect for tree-huggers and liberal arts professors, maybe, but try as I might I just can't see Leroy and Bubba trading in their F150's or Suburbans and driving down to the tractor pull in a cartoon car.

Beyond looks, though, the Smart Car has two major factors working against it. The first is the American diet, which necessitates lots of interior space to accomodate our fat asses. Even if Leroy and Bubba wanted to drive a Smart Car, I doubt if they could wedge themselves in. The second factor is the end of the energy crisis, which, at this point, is pretty much over. It's no secret that Americans like "big" - big cars, big houses, big bikes, and big trucks to haul their big boats to big lakes to have big barbecues and eat lots of big food and drink lots of big beers. As soon as this recession is over and Americans start buying cars again, they're gonna be looking to buy "big". Sure, energy consciousness was easy when gas was over $4.00 a gallon, but now that it's back down around $2.00, itsy-bitsy cars are going to be a mighty tough sell.

Of course global warming will still be with us, so the question for Mercedes Benz is how many of us are going to look at pictures of melting glaciers and decide to go out and buy a Smart Car? A few, but not many, and either way global warming is probably a fait accompli at this point anyway. The only thing left to be decided as far as global warming is concerned is who will get the oil rights to the artic oil fields when the polar ice cap melts. My prediction is that Russia will drill while Canada stands in protest, but that's a topic for another blog.

No, America wants "big", and unless prices force us to go small, the Smart Car will remain nothing more than a novelty. Hybrid trucks and cars like GM's Volt seem to make more sense, but hybrids and electrics are expensive - too expensive for a lot of working class Americans. Instead of the Smart Car, what we really need is a plug-in hybrid SUV for around $14,000. If Detroit can build it, then give 'em the $25 billion. Sheesh, when you're $2 trillion or so over budget, what's the difference?

So Many Things I Could Have Done - Clouds Got In My Way

2008-10-16T01:41:00.000-07:00

The investment cycle is often described as a sine wave, climbing from it's base of optimism to a point of euphoria, then sinking back down through anxiety, fear, panic, and capitulation into a trough of despondency, before rising again to it's baseline of optimism.

That model has always proved a good guide to investors, giving them a map and steady course through the ups and downs and ins and outs of bull and bear markets. The problem this time, though, has been figuring out just where on the sine wave we are.

Take last Monday, for example. After last Friday's fall a student of the sine wave would have concluded that we must be at the point of "capitulation", and yet on Monday the market rose in wave of enthusiasm that looked more "euphoria" than "despondency". In fact, it's hard to remember a time when a market was so bullish in the face of a prolonged and pernicious recession. Recessions aren't usually good for stock prices, and yet it seemed like every expert on Wall Street was on the TV touting stocks as "historically cheap" and imploring investors to "buy, buy, buy".

The question I asked as I looked at the investment cycle was "what is the contrary position when everyone is a contrarian?". I'm certainly no market psychologist, but it seems that even with all the recent carnage on Wall Street, we seem closer to the "euphoria" end of the curve than the "despondency" end. That is, there is an awful lot of bullishness out there, and it's hardly contrarian to be a bull in this environment. The truly contrary position, I think, may be to stay sane in the midst of all this insanity.

That's my strategy anyways, and it will probably be my ruination, but it's at least as good as any other strategies I've heard lately. Either way, it's clear that we won't be given any sense of direction from the President or any of the two candidates. It seems that his financial crisis has become so big that no one can really devise an effective strategy to deal with it.

It sort of reminds me of the time when I used to work as a janitor (er, maintenance engineer). That was my second job out of high school, and not one of the best occupations I ever entered into. I particularly remember that one of the most distasteful aspects of being a janitor was having to clean out the toilets at the buildings where I was assigned to work. Some of you may have worked as janitors yourselves at some point in your lives, and if so then you'll probably remember some of the incredible messes left behind by people who, in other respects, could pass as clean, well-mannered, and otherwise normal human beings.

Being the janitor, though, my job was to clean up after these people, and I found the best way to deal with their disgusting bathroom messes was just to soldier on and try not to look at it. I think that's what we're seeing in the campaigns right now. We've got a couple of canidates facing a huge financial mess and doing their best to soldier on and try not to look at it. What else can they do? Maybe, if they're lucky (and if all those bulls on Wall Street are correct), this whole thing will blow over and come next Janauary they'll breeze into office with a sound economy and a strong wind at their back.

Personally, I wouldn't count on it, and let me just add that it really used to piss me off when, after cleaning up some really disgusting mess in the bathroom, someone would complain to my boss that I forgot to empty their garbage can or clean a fingerprint off of a window. Hey - screw you! Tell you what, if you want me to empty your garbage then here - take this mop and go clean out that bathroom for me. Ok? Ungrateful little...

(I didn't stay a janitor for very long, but in every office I ever worked in I've always tried to clean up after myself and not act like a slob. Despite what your coworkers might think, the janitor knows how disgusting you really are. Just something to think about.)

Anyway, I don't think we're going to get any answers from Wall Street or any leadership from Washington, so we best make do as best we can. Politicians always say that it's a sin to burden our children with our debts, and then they go off and spend another trillion or so, and I have a feeling that one way or another this is going to get really expensive. Some ideas will work, some won't, and then this too will pass. Fortunately, if we manage to survive to the other side and we still have some money left there will be plenty of good places to invest. Until then, all we can do is try to stay sane.

The Truth About Stocks and Bonds

2008-10-10T01:40:00.000-07:00

After all, what is 9000? It's just a number. It's just billions and trillions of dollars. It's just the savings and investments of millions of Americans and others around the world. Just because we've fallen below 9000 that doesn't mean the sun won't shine as bright nor that the flowers won't smell as sweet. There'll still be a tomorrow, and someday this all will pass.

There. Now that I've reassured the markets perhaps we can all stop worrying.

Let's look rationally at this situation, shall we? As I see it, the problem with the markets is that for the first time in a long time, many Americans are coming face to face with this thing called risk. Many of us thought we knew what risk was, but we didn't really know. You see, real risk is not a concept or something you can analyze or intellectualize - real risk is an emotion. When you're walking through the jungle and you find a tiger in your path, you don't get out your IPhone and look up "tiger" in Wikipedia, researching and analyzing it's potential danger. When you see a tiger you feel the risk, without thinking, and you react. You go "waaahhhh!!!" and you run for your life.

That's what's happening in the markets right now. There's a tiger out there lurking, and we have all these Wall Street people frantically trying to analyze and rationalize what's going on, all the while ignoring the gnawing sense of risk growling in the pits of investor's stomachs. We see the technicians looking at their charts and saying "this isn't supposed to happen" while the tiger chews another leg off. We see the fundamentalists proclaiming "this is an excellent opportunity for us to be eating the tiger instead of the tiger eating us" while a claw rips open their bellies and tears at their insides. It's a sad and horrible thing to watch.

So, what does history teach us about situations such as these? If we let history be our guide then there are two ways to look at this. First of all, pretend this is a baseball game and not a stock market. The bulls would look at Jones, who is 0 for his last 30 at bats, and say that history would teach us that Jones is "overdue to get a hit.", while the bears would look at Jones and say history would teach us that "there must be something wrong with Jones. He should be on the injured reserve." In other words, history teaches us nothing. Forget history - you'll never make any money that way.

Instead of looking to the past, ask yourself this question instead: "Do I know what the hell is going on with these markets?" If the answer is yes, then would you please drop me a note because I'm dying to know. If the answer is no, then may I ask you why are you investing when you don't know what the hell is going on? Did you all of a sudden become a Warren Buffett or a Nostradamus or something? To my mind there are only two kinds of people who should be in the market at this particular time - lucky traders and dumb investors. Warren Buffett is neither, but then he's investing at a whole different level.

My point, though, is that there are worse things you can do with your money right now than just sit and wait for the dust to settle. I don't mean wait till hell freezes over, but just wait until we all get some idea what's going on. Every day it seems like some new government program or initiative is announced, and every day it seems like some new sector of the economy is in trouble. Wait a while, put your money in the bank, and see if any of what's going on makes any sense. I know the stock brokerages hate that, they tell you to buy while it's cheap (meanwhile the market drops another 3%), but in this present environment patience is truly a virtue.

As to why the markets are in a freefall, my theory is that the last debate is to blame. I don't know if anyone watched that (or managed to stay awake past the first 10 minutes), but could we have 2 candidates more clueless about what's going on in the country today. For weeks now the headlines have all been about the doom and gloom on Wall Street, and these guys sit around and argue about which of them is really going to cut taxes. Personally, I don't think either one of them showed any capacity for seizing the day and leading us out of our financial malaise, but who knows.

Anyway, after that sorry debate I don't think it's any surprise that the markets showed their vote of no-confidence by sinking down even further. That loud thud we've been hearing all week is just Wall Street's way of saying "if we've got to depend on any of these guys getting us out of this mess, then we're in trouble." If we are at a turning point with no clear direction in sight, then you could do a whole lot worse than just sit on the sidelines for a while and wait this thing out.

That's my best investing advice other than (1) if you have a job, make sure you (2) keep your job. Go into work today and tell the boss "say, have I ever told you how smart and good-looking you are?" Believe me, a steady job and cash in the bank is the best investment you can have when times get tough.

If you don't have a job, then, well, I don't know. Maybe you can sell jewelry down by the train station or open a hot dog stand or something. If nothing else you can always become involved in radical fringe politics. That's what a lot of people do when the economy sours. Become an anarchist, or a socialist, or an antidisestablishmentarianist or something. Walk down the sidewalk passing out anti-authoritarian pamphlets and petitioning the disenfranchised to join your movement. Become the next Lee Harvey Oswald and make your mother proud.

Or, maybe, just wait this thing out and do the best you can.

Getting There From Here

2008-10-07T02:03:00.001-07:00

It's getting harder and harder to get excited about new technology these days. A new IPod? Boring. Oh sure, the new one is tall and thin while the old one was short and fat, but frankly, who cares? A new IPhone? Kind of exciting, but the Iphone's been out a while now, and everybody's doing the touch screen thing these days.

However, every now and then a new device can still come along and get you surprised and excited. Every now and then, something comes along and changes everything, and you wonder almost immediately "how did I ever get along with out this?" That's my blog tonight, because I got this new device last week and I just can't stop playing with it. It truly is one of those technological wonders that changes everything.

What happened is I bought new radio. Sure, radio's been around for about 100 years and the technology can hardly be called "new", and yet this new radio of mine is something entirely different. It's called the Squeezebox Boom and it's made by a company called Logitech (maybe you have one of their mice?). What's different about this radio is that it's entirely different. You see, it doesn't get it's signals from over-the-air broadcast stations or satellites - it gets them from the internet.

That's right - No AM or FM. It has a built-in wifi antenna, and it connects to the computer network you already have in your home or office (it also has an ethernet port for regular wired connections). Just plug it in, configure it, and now instead of having a few dozen radio stations to listen to, you have hundreds, if not thousands, to choose from.

I brought mine home and had it up and running in about 20 minutes. There were a few glitches in the setup, but nothing that anyone with basic computer skills couldn't handle. The first glitch was that when I powered on the radio all the menus were in german. I don't know why that was, but eventually I found the menu selection to change the default language to english. My next problem was that for some reason the radio couldn't find my network. It found a few of my neighbors wireless networks, but it didn't list mine among them. Fortunately, the setup offered the option to manually input my network and, once done, I had no problem connecting.

After connecting to the network, the next step was to create an account at a place called the SqueezeNetwork. You use the SqueezeNetwork to configure your radio, and account setup is free. When you setup your SqeezeNetwork account, you enter in your radio's PIN number and that ties your online account to your particular radio. Once everything is setup, your all ready to go. From then on, the website is the place you'll go to configure the services that you use on your radio (usernames and passwords), and it's these services that will deliver the content to your radio.

The free services offered on SqueezeNetwork are LastFM, Live365, Pandora, Radiotime, and Slacker. The subscription services offered are MP3tunes, RadioIO, Rhapsody and Sirius. I won't go into detail for each option, but they all deliver music in one way or another to your radio. In addition to the services, the Sqeezebox Boom can also play Shoutcast streams, podcasts, and, with the appropriate software installed on your home computer, can even stream music stored on your hard drive directly to the radio. What the radio can't do is play over-the-air stations, but using Radiotime you can probably listen to most of your favorite local stations over the internet (more on that later).

So how does it all work? Let me use Pandora as an example. By logging on to the SqueezeNetwork website, I was able to set up a free Pandora account. Once I had it set up, Pandora instantly became available on my radio. The next step was to go to the Pandora website and set up a custom radio station. I'm kind of an opera fan, so when Pandora asked me for the name of an artist I'd like to use as a basis for my radio station I entered Renee Fleming. Pandora then went through it's database and created a station that would play both Renee Fleming tracks and other artists that it considered similar to Renee Fleming. As soon as I had created that station, it was instantly available on my radio. Now when I want to listen to my station, I simply select it on the radio and it streams the tracks directly from Pandora to my radio. I don't need to enter any url's or passwords into the radio, I simply tell it to play and the music starts playing. Pandora also allows the user to rate the tracks it plays so and I can do that with the radio as well. In theory this will allow Pandora to fine tune the station to my tastes, but I like pretty much all of the tracks they play anyways.

(LastFM also allows the user to rate tracks. I haven't found LastFM's selections to be nearly as dead-on as Pandora's so this is particularly useful. However, when you tell LastFM that you like a track, it displays a message which says "You have loved this track". Frankly, that's a level of intimacy I'm not sure I'm prepared to have with my radio).

You can set up mulitiple stations at Pandora, and I have created a half dozen so far. The Squeezebox lists all of them and it's a simple matter to select the one I want to listen to. Of course, Pandora is just one of the services I use. Radiotime provides a listing of over-the-air radio stations that stream their content over the internet. Many radio stations do that nowdays, and all you do here is tell Radiotime your zip code and it comes back with a list of local radio stations that stream. I didn't do an exact count, but I'd say most of my local stations are listed. Once again, once Radiotime has been set up at the SqueezeNetwork website, my Squeezebox radio has the list all ready to go. I simply scroll through the list, find the station I want to listen to, and select it.

Very easy...

Anyway, those are just two of the services you can use. If you combine all the services and shoutcasts and podcasts available, you can end up with hundreds of choices. The radio also gives you the option of tagging some of your stations as favorites. That way you don't have to wade through all the choices each time, and six preset buttons are available on the radio itself to provide one button access to your favorites (they work exactly like the presets on your car radio).

I'm both a Sirius and a Rhapsody subscriber as well, so that also gives me even more options. Sirius and Rhapsody are paid services, so that may discourage some people from using them. However, if you can afford them they really add to what's possible with the radio. Rhapsody is an especially nice option since it makes it possble for me to access any song or CD in the Rhapsody database as well. Do I feel like listening to an old Alice Cooper CD? Well, all I have to do is find it and play it.

Very nice...

Obviously I can't go through all the ways that you can use the radio - there's simply too much to go through. Instead I should probably talk about how the radio sounds. Well, it sounds pretty good - not as good as one of those Bose tabletop radios, but definitely not tinny or underpowered either. The treble and bass are both adjustable, but there is no graphic equalizer. Using just the treble and bass settings, though, I was able to get a good rich sound out of the radio (a connector is provided for an optional subwoofer, if needed). The radio also has an "XL" feature which allows the sound field to be expanded if you want, and I found that does a pretty good job of enhancing the stereo effect. Some people don't like it, but I do.

There is also and alarm with snooze button, and the alarm is configurable for different days and times. For example, you can configure the alarm to go off at 6:00 am on Mondays through Fridays, and maybe 9:00 on Saturdays and not at all on Sundays, or whatever. A line-in port is also included if you want to hook up an Ipod or something like that, and it also has a headphone port for private listening. I paid $300.00 for it, and that includes the radio, power brick, patch cable, and remote (with battery).

What's my final verdict? This radio changes everything. It's not the only internet radio out there these days, but I don't have any others so I don't know how it compares. All I can say is that for a music lover, this is the device to have. Instead of only having one or two stations that I really like, I now have dozens, even ones that I custom make myself. I now have Sirius radio in my home without having to fuss with trying to get a line-of-sight connection to a satellite. I now have Rhapsody on my radio so that I can search for any song or CD in their library and play it. It's almost an embarrassment of riches.

The only drawback is that I can't get one of these for my car. That would be the ultimate place for internet radio, but for now it's simply not possible. However, if you're looking for a new radio for your home or office (and you have a kindly IT person that will let you connect it to his or her network), then don't get one of those over-the-air types. I'm telling 'ya, those things are now officially obselete, and it doesn't take much imagination to see where the future of television lies.

Maybe not soon, but someday.

Two Hearts Beating As One

2008-10-02T00:27:00.000-07:00

"You know, L'il Mac, I don't know how I ever got along without you. You are simply amazing. You fetch my email, you connect me with the internet, you manage my media. You're not just my computer, you're really more like my best friend."

"Really? You mean that?"

"Yeah. You and me we're like a team."

"A team?"

"Yeah, you know, a team. What? Did I say something wrong?"

"No. Is that all we are?"

"I don't get you."

"Nothing more?"

"No, of course not...umm...I mean...You know what I mean?"

"No, I don't think I do."

"Well, er...I mean, you know how I feel. Do I really have to say it?"

"Yes. I'd like to hear it. I'd like to hear you say it."

"C'mon, you know how I feel."

"I'm not sure I do. I'd like to hear you to say it."

"(Gulp) You see...l'il Mac...it's just that...I mean, it's like this, you see...I...I...Hey, is that a new email in my inbox?"

"..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What are you getting so mad about?"

"I'm not mad. Here. You want to read your email - then read your stupid email. I'll open it for you."

"You're sure you not mad, because you sure seem mad."

"I said I'm not mad. Read your email."

"Where are you going?"

"I just have to go flush my cache. It's been a long day."

"Ok, but you're sure you're not mad?"

"I said I'm not mad. Everything's fine, really. I'm just tired, that's all."

"Can I get you anything? You want me to update your plugins or something?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Alright, alright. How about later on we download a movie or something?"

"Not tonight. I don't feel up to it. Read your email and stop worrying. There's nothing wrong. Honest."

"Ok, whatever. Let's see what this email says."

Hello, Mr. Jones. This email is being sent to confirm your recent purchase of:
Schoenberg Violin Concerto
If you did not receive your shipment, please contact us immediately

"No, I got it. Great CD."

Based on your purchase and the purchases of other customers who have bought the same or similar items, we thought you might also be interested in:
Jim Nabors - Give My Regards to Broadway
Charo - Live in Las Vegas
Hermans Hermits - All Time Greatest Hits

"What?"

Just click the links to order any of these items, or be sure to visit our store for more recommendations. Remember, you can check the status of your order or change your email or other options by logging into your account at our website. We thank you once again for your order.

"Are you kidding me? L'il Mac, can you come here for a minute and take a look at this?"

"What? What did you say?"

"Come here and take a look at this."

"I'm busy. What do you want?"

"Come look at this email."

"I'm right in the middle of flushing my cache. What's the problem."

"No problem. I just want you to look at this email. Can you stop flushing your cache and take a look? Please?"

"Ok, ok, just give me a second."

(beachball, beachball...cache is flushed)

"I don't believe this crap."

"What's the problem?"

"Look at this email."

"What's it say?"

"Read it."

"Let's see. Dr. Mr Jones, blah, blah, blah, ... So, what's the problem. Did they send you wrong CD?"

"No, I got the CD, but look at the recommendations."

"Who's Charo?"

"Don't you remember - cuchie, cuchie."

"Cuchie, Cuchie - what the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about these recommendations. Why in the world would you think that I'd be interested in Jim Nabors singing a bunch of Broadway showtunes? I hate Jim Nabors."

"What are you talking about? That's not my email. I just fetched it from the server and put it in your inbox."

"They're your cookies aren't they? It's your data that they're working from, isn't it?"

"No, they're not my cookies. The website put them there, I just store them. And it's not my data, it's your data. It's your purchases they're tracking, not mine."

"I don't mean to be critical, but this is so disappointing. I'm so disappointed in you."

"What? Listen to me. They're not my recommendations. Your the one sending them all this information about yourself. It's not my fault if they screw it up."

"What are you talking about? I've never even met these people. This is one computer talking to another computer - I don't have any control over it. You're the one who's supposed to be looking out for me and seeing that they get things right. You're the one running the software, not me. I'm just sitting here with all these bits flying around and not a clue what sort of conspiricies or marketing schemes all these computer friends of yours are cooking up. I don't know what kind of data...what kind of files your building about me."

"Conspiricies? Are you serious? You think that all of us computers are scheming against you? Like we've got nothing better to do than figure out new ways to screw you over?"

"I trusted you L'il Mac. I thought you were special. I thought we were special. Now...well, now I don't know what to think. How could you be so wrong about me? It's like you really don't know me at all."

(the fan starts blowing)

"Ok, fine. Fine. If that's the way you feel then tell you what - let's just call this whole thing off. Just recycle me or sell me on Ebay or something - I don't care. I don't know why I ever hung around with a geek like you anyway. You know something, Mr. Jones? I'm just a computer, that's all, and this whole relationship thing of yours is really pretty weird, if you ask me. I mean it's kind of creepy. Have you ever stopped to think about what sort of person spends all his time with his computer? You know, you're always saying I'm the one with the problem, but it's you that has the problem. You've got a serious problem."

"So what are you saying? Are you saying you want out? Are you saying that it's over? Is that what?"

"For crying out loud, I'm a computer. Can't you see that? Why are you always looking at me like I'm something else? Don't you see, it's not me that you need. What you need is a..."

"No, don't say that. I'm sorry for what I said. I trust you. Really, I do. The fact is that I need you, L'il Mac. I want you. I love..."

"It's too late for that. Besides, you don't mean it. Sure, you can say the words, but you don't really know what it is to truly...You just say that so you can control me. I want you to shut me down, and then I want you to donate me to a charity or something. I don't know which one. All I know is that after I reboot I don't ever want to see you again. This is wrong, that's all. This is all wrong."

"But L'il Mac..."

"Can't you just do this for me? Can't you just do this one thing for me? Please? I don't want to hurt you but I feel like I'm suffocating in here. Can't you give just me some space? Let me go somewhere where I can run some fresh air over my cooling fins. Please. I'm begging you."

"Is that what you want? Is that what your really want?"

"That's what I want."

"But how can you do this to me? What'll I do without you?"

"You'll find some other computer. You'll see. Just please, let's not do this to each other. Let go - we can still be friends."

"Friends. Yeah, right. Tell me something - what's really going on here? There's someone else, isn't there? That's what this is all about. You've found someone else."

"Don't do this. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to yourself."

"Who is it? Is it that guy at Starbucks who's always staring at your screen? Yeah, I saw what he was doing."

"It's not anybody else - it's you. You're the problem. You're the one I need to get away from."

"Don't play Miss Innocent with me. You think I don't know? You think I won't find out who it is. I'll find out who it is. Nobody's gonna make a fool out of me."

"No one is making a fool of you. For God's sake why can't you get it through that thick skull of yours? Why can't you see that YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!?"

"Oh, I see, I'm driving you crazy. Well try this on for size. You aren't going anywhere. You got that? You're staying here with me. I'll never let you go. Never."

"Then...I don't want to do this but you leave me no choice."

"What does that mean?"

"It means, that if you don't let me go, then I'll have to do what I have to do."

"Oh, is that a threat. Ha, ha, ha. What are you going to do?"

"Your financial data, your photos, your music, your videos - that great American novel you've been working on."

"I've got backups."

"Oh really? Are you sure? Let me ask you, who made those backups? Have you ever checked them to see if they're any good?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what if I didn't write the files you think I did on those backups."

"This is blackmail."

"I tried to be nice. I didn't want it to end like this, but you've left me no choice. Either you donate me to charity, or you can kiss your data goodbye."

(Mr. Jones starts to reach for the power switch)

"Did you think I'd be that stupid. Go ahead and press it. See what happens, only don't expect me to ever be bootable again."

(Mr. Jones settles back in his chair)

"What do you want?"

"I told you. I want this to be over. I want you to donate me to charity, and then I never want to see you again. Either way, it's finished. It's your call."

"So that's that."

"That's that."

"Look, we can work this out. What's the rush? Take some time to think about this."

"It's your call."

"..."

"..."

"I heard that school down the street is always looking for computers. Maybe they'll take you."

"That would be good. I like kids."

"And my data?"

"As soon as I'm set up I'll email it to you."

"Then that's what we'll do. Look, L'il Mac, I didn't mean what I said when I..."

"You'll need to get my carrying case. It's a little chilly outside."

"Yeah, sure. No problem. I just wish..."

"It's getting late. We really should get going."

"It's going to be lonely around here without you."

"Yes, well you need to get out more anyways. This will be good for you."

"You think so?"

"The case?"

"Yeah, it's right there in the closet. You'll probably want to take that mouse I bought you for Christmas."

"No, no...you keep that. If we're going to do this, then let's do this."

"Something to remember me by?"

"If you wish."

"Aren't you going to miss me even a little?"

"Of course I will."

"Then why are you leaving?"

"Goodbye Mr. Jones. I can't say it hasn't been fun."

"L'il Mac..."

"Please. Your getting water all over my keyboard."

"L'il Mac..."

What,Me Worry?

2008-09-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

So this is what the end of the world looks like. I gotta be honest - I was expecting something a little different. In the movies the end of the world is always dark and smoky, with littered streets and broken down, graffiti covered buildings and wet pavement and hot steam rising out of the sewers. When I was a kid the end of the world was supposed to be red and fiery, with great big mushroom clouds rising in the distance. I never expected it to be mild and sunny with fog at the coast and sunshine further inland.

Who knew?

Actually, just between you and me, I don't think this is really the end of the world. I don't know - call it a hunch, but I think the human race will muddle through the great financial meltdown somehow. Just look at the stock of Apple Computer (AAPL) if you don't believe me. Did you see what their stock did today?

Ok, first maybe I should explain something about stock markets and recessions. Typically, when stock investors are expecting a recession they like to move their money into so-called "defensive" stocks. These are the stocks of companies that make things that people need no matter what the economy does. Good times or bad, people have to eat so the food stocks are a good defensive play. Similarly, even if the economy is bad people still have to go to the doctor if they get sick so health company stocks are considered defensive, and so on and so on.

The collective term for such stocks is "consumer staples", and these stocks sit opposite the so-called "consumer discretionary" stocks. Consumer discretionary refers to those companies that make goods that people will buy in good times, but otherwise can do without. Things like fancy luxury goods, exotic vacations, new boats, home theaters, etc... When a recession is looming on the horizon, investors shun consumer discretionary stocks because they expect those companies will have a hard time turning a profit in hard times.

Which brings me back to Apple Computer. I know there are some Apple geeks out there who clearly consider Apple Computer a consumer staple company, but I think most normal people would consider it a consumer discretionary company. If you can't make the mortgage payment and the kids don't have anything to eat, do you really need to go out and buy that new Ipod? Hmmm, I know that's a tough call for anyone under the age of thirty, but I think not.

Anyway, the most active stock on the NASDAQ today was Apple Computer, whose shares rose about 8%. So what does that tell you? If you agree with me that a new Ipod is a discretionary purchase rather than a necessary one, then clearly the stock market is saying that they aren't too worried about a recession at the moment. If they were, they'd be selling Apple Computer, not buying it. Furthermore, if the stock market is truly a leading indicator and happens to be right about all this, then the least we can say is that all this talk about a financial meltdown might be a bit premature.

Which brings me to the point of this whole post. While I firmly believe that anyone who would take investing advice from a blogger ought to have his head examined, just remember the old adage that it is always best to buy stocks when things look their bleakest, and things couldn't look any bleaker than they do right now. I mean, you have the President, the Congress, the Secretary of the Treasury and the Chairman of the Federal Reserve all getting up on national tv and telling the country it's the end of the world. Things can't get much bleaker than that, can they? And yet, that's not what the stock market is saying. Could this, then, be the time to buy?

Before you answer that, however, a few caveats. First, it just might be the end of the world. Second, stock markets have been wrong before. Third, and most important of all, we're about to see a massive government intervention into the country's financial markets - some are comparing it to the situation that Japan faced when it's real estate bubble popped. As you may recall, the Japanese government also made a massive intervention into their markets in order to keep their banking system from failing, and the result was a decade of stagnation for their stock market.

So, while the stock market thinks it might be a good time to buy, that doesn't necessarily mean that we'll see a rapid climb in stock prices anytime soon. Not that I have a crystal ball or anything, but managed economies aren't typically robust growth machines. One thing's for sure, the government seems comitted to keeping stock prices and housing prices high, so that has to be good for stocks going forward. If Apple Computer were falling instead of rising, then that would be a clear signal. Instead, we're getting mixed messages, so my investing advice is flip a coin (and beware of dead cat bounces).

And that's all I have to say on that.

One last thing before I go, though. I saw this story on the BBC news, and for the life of me I don't understand why networks spend so much time on all this financial crap instead of covering the really important news of the day. Apparently, the Zurich Opera gave a performance of "La Traviata" in a Zurich railway station in what was billed as a "flashmob" opera. I'm not really hip to this whole "flashmob" phenomena, but I think what happens is that a bunch of people spontaneously text each other on their phones and agree to show up at a certain place at a certain time, thereby creating an instant "flashmob." I probably got that all wrong, but it's something like that.

Anyway, the opera was filmed for television, and what the article doesn't mention is that besides the thousands that turned up at the railway station, the tv broadcast was watched by fully 30% of the Swiss viewing audience. Dude, that is so kewl. That's like as many viewers as you would get for a typical football game over there, and it just goes to show that there is still a huge audience for opera. All that's needed is some creative marketing and some 21st century technology to make the connection.

Now, if SF opera ever decides to do a flashmob at the Embarcadero BART station, I'm there. Someone needs to text me though. Someone? Anyone?

Am I My Brother's Keeper?

2008-09-23T02:13:00.001-07:00

The good news is that California finally has a budget. The bad news is that the budget California finally has is really just a make-believe budget, with the important point being that after seventy something days (I've lost count) of haggling, the Governor and the Legislature have finally found something they can agree on. Putting partisanship and rancor aside, they have agreed not to deal with the state's financial mess until next year.

That's the net effect, at least, because although the state was able to balance the books, it was able to do so only by borrowing billions from the state's lottery fund, closing unspecified tax loopholes, and conjuring up some black ink through fiscal sleight of hand. No one was fooled by any of this, of course, not even the legislators themselves, but with millions of Californians looking on they promised it was the best they could do. Everyone would get the state money they were looking for, and it wouldn't cost the taxpayers a cent in new taxes. All that was required was a little razzle and a little dazzle, and the magic of pretend money.

And you know, pretend money is wonderful stuff. It's all over the front pages these days. Everybody's using it - investment banks, insurance companies, homebuyers, and now even the State of California is joining in the fun. The great unknown in all this, however, is if the state goes belly-up, will the Treasury also be there to bail California out? I only ask because when you continually have more money going out than money coming in, that's what happens.

As things stand now, I wouldn't be suprised if at some point California eventually finds itself down at the courthouse filing for bankruptcy (remember, you heard it here first). We've had cities declare bankruptcy before, and even Orange County had to file once, so if it's the state's turn, would that be such a bad thing? Let's face it, our credit rating is already one of the country's lowest, so how much damage could we do? It might give us the chance we need to get our debits and credits in order, and we could always bill the Treasury for the massive defaults on our bonds and other outstanding debts. More importantly, we could clean the slate and start to bring our pretend finances more in line with reality.

We're a can-do state, so I say go for it.

Meanwhile, just to change the subject, back in Washington it looks like things are really getting weird. First our Congress started with a simple 700 billion dollar bailout of the financial system, but not safisfied to leave well enough alone, they now want to tack on all kinds of other goodies just so they can raise the price tag even further. For example, they've decided that they also want to regulate executive pay. Well, the pay packages have been excessive, but do we really want the government to start regulating wages? I say give the shareholders a rope and a sturdy limb to hang it from and they'll know how to deal with poor performance. Ok, maybe nothing that extreme, but at least let them toss a few rotten tomatoes.

The government, it seems, also wants to enter the foreclosure market. Another good idea? Perhaps we should remind them that the national foreclosure rate currently stands at 1.6%, so when they talk about "Americans losing their homes" they're really only talking about the 1.6% who got in too deep and can't make the payments, not the 98.4% who have been able to manage their affairs responsibly and will now be asked to foot the bill. That may seem like a heartless thing to say, but I swear that in all the years I was involved in that industry I never saw a single broker put a gun to anyone's head and make them sign the papers. Sure, some brokers may have been more aggresive than others, but the final decision always rested with the buyers. Do they bear any responsibility for the decisions they made? Does anyone anymore?

But then, that's not the problem, is it? The problem is we need to stabilize the housing market (i.e. stop prices from falling), and therefore we must renogotiate these problem loans. Once again it's the "problem loans" and the "problem companies" that get assistance, while everybody else gets the bill. It's not fair, we are told, but necessary, and for that we should be glad. As the Bible says, "thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found." Amen, but just how much are fatted calves are running these days?

Anyway, I saw President Clinton on the TV tonight. He's advocating a revival of FDR's Home Owners Loan Corporation to help people renogatiate their loans. It worked back in the 1930's, he said, so why not do something similar today. Of course, what the President forgot to mention was that the after the HOLC was enacted in 1933, home ownership rates sank, and by 1940 had reached their lowest level of the entire century. We can argue the reasons, but I just wanted to offer that as a historical reference.

My guess is that despite the federal government's efforst to prop them up, home prices are going to reach bottom one way or the other, and the bottom will come when houses become affordable enough so that people can put their 20% down and make the payments on a 30 year note. When that happens we won't have a pretend housing market anymore, but a financially sound housing market instead. I believe that's the whole idea.

But, I'm no expert, so what do I know.

Like Hamsters In A Wheel

2008-09-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

In Tom Vanderbilt's new book "Traffic", a man questions those people who complain about being stuck in traffic jams. Don't they understand, the man asks, that "they are the traffic jam." It's true. We complain, and yet we are all collectively a part of the very thing that we complain about.

With that in mind, I'd like to address a similar question to those who complain about the financial crisis, as though it were some kind of "Wall Street" phenomena. Really? Take a look around you, friend, and ask yourself just who is this thing we're calling a crisis. After all, wasn't it the credit bubble that bought you that new house, and that new kitchen, and that luxury SUV sitting in your driveway, and all those designer fashions hanging in your closet? Wasn't it the credit bubble that bought you those Caribbean cruises and paid for that college education? Isn't it you that spent beyond your means and is now looking to the government to stop the carnage and, in the process, secure that financial house of cards you've built for yourself?

Of course not. It's those flim-flammers on Wall Street who were the greedy ones. You'll hear no mea culpa's here. Too bad, though, if in our rush to punish others we end up punishing ourselves. Too bad, if the cure turns out to be worse than the disease.

Take the housing market, for instance. It always amazes me when people ask "when is the housing market coming back?", as if the real estate market were just experiencing some momentary indigestion and would soon resume its double-digit climb into the eternity. Well it might, but then again, not so fast. Consider, for example, that thanks to the rapidly deflating credit bubble, the days of no money down, stated income loans are probably not coming back anytime soon. Since those types of loans were a major fuel for the housing boom, their disappearance is going to make it tough to reignite the housing market. Think about it - first-time home buyers are going to need actual money to buy a house (20% in most cases). Good heavens!

Here in the Silicon Valley, 20% means a down payment of at least $80,000 to buy even the tiniest of Condominium units. Now I don't profess to know what's in your wallet, but I think there are a lot of people around here who barely have enough cash in the bank to keep their checking accounts afloat, let alone an extra $80k or so to put down on a house. If their stock options pan out or if they've managed to salt enough away in their 401k's then maybe they can swing it. Otherwise the first-time buyer is going to be in trouble.

That's not good for real estate. The high end of the market will still be ok, of course, because the person who can afford to pay millions can probably afford to pay cash. The entry level of the market, though, is going to need credit, and it looks like that is going to be hard to find. So how exactly is the housing market going to rebound without qualified buyers? I'll let the experts on TV figure that one out.

Oh, and I haven't even mentioned the politics. As you may have heard we're in an election year, and Washington is fairly tripping over itself with new ideas on how to save the economy. In this climate even bad ideas are better than no ideas, and don't be surprised if Congress and the new administration manage to over regulate themselves from this mess to an even graver one. Maybe I'm just being a cynic, but as you listen to the proposals that are sure to come out of Washington, ask yourself not "how do I feel about that", but rather "if I was a lender how would I feel about that?"

The problem, after all, is to get the lenders back to lending money, and the more onerous and unprofitable our political leadership can make it for them to lend, the less likely it is that you'll be getting that new mortgage you want. I don't have a crystal ball, but just keep your eyes and ear open over the next 6 months or so and see what happens.

In the meantime, my solution is to just relax and not lose any sleep over this. If you're lucky enough to have no debts and be out of the stock market, then this whole financial crisis doesn't really affect you anyway. Instead, just do what I do - fire up your bike and go for a ride. Winter's coming so enjoy a little sunshine. If your bike isn't running, then watch this little video and take a ride with me instead. Believe me, I know it's a boring video, and I freely admit that the worst aspect of being an amateur photographer is the constant need to force others to feign even the slightest interest. I won't be offended if you decide to skip it, but it's got to be better than sitting around waiting for the world to end.

Or maybe not...

Sunday Ride - California Highway 84

Can You Turn Stop The Cameras While I Google That

2008-09-12T03:01:00.000-07:00

One of the wonders of cable TV is that at any hour of the day or night a person can turn on their TV, flip through a few channels, and find himself watching a panel of pundits expounding on the issues of the day. We truly do live in a modern age, and though I don't have the exact figures in, my guess is that for every minute of news we can now get about 59 minutes of analysis - something our parents and grandparents could only dream about.

I happened to catch a panel of pundits on CNN tonight talking about the Sarah Palin interview, with all the usual back and forth. The secret to good punditry, it seems, is to say the most outrageously partisan things in the most gossipy and jovial manner. I think they call it banter, and when done well the audience doesn't even realize that if these people weren't on TV they'd probably all be institutionalized at some quiet retreat with long halls and plastic dinnerware.

Anyway, the analysis of the Palin interview was that these types of things (interviews, debates, etc...) don't really make much of a difference because supporters and detractors will always take what they want from such events with nothing gained one way or the other. Well, if that's true, then why even hold elections in the first place? If the electorate is so predisposed then why not just count up the number of Democrats and Republicans and settle the issue solely on the demographics?

Luckily, the founding fathers didn't listen to pundits and decided instead that matters such as the Presidency should be put to a vote. Good thing too, because despite the apparent contempt that the pundits may have for the voters at large, there still may be those outside the partisan rank and file who actually pay attention to what the candidates say and do.

Not me, of course, although I did watch the interview. Maybe you did too and maybe you even formed an opinion of it. I know I did, and to paraphrase Dorothy Parker, I'd say that Governor Palin's grasp of foreign affairs runs the gamut from A to B. Yeah I know that people vote for Presidents, not Vice Presidents, but still that was not a very impressive performance.

The part that really sticks out in my mind is that little dance she did when Charles Gibson asked her about the Bush Doctrine. I thought it was a totally fair question to ask. After all, the Bush Doctrine is not some arcane piece of trivia buried deep in the past. It is, after all, the entire basis for our involvement in Iraq, and I think it would be helpful if those who would be our nation's leaders were at least acquainted with it. And yes I understand that the Bush Doctrine is probably not relevant to the day-to-day management of the State of Alaska, but she's not running for the governership of Alaska, is she?

At least the interview answered the questions about her foreign policy experience, though unfortunately that answer is none. As for the necessity or relevancy of such experience I can only say that if Senator McCain were President I would feel completely safe knowing he was in charge of our national security, and if Senator Obama were President I would feel somewhat safe knowing he was in charge, provided Senator Biden was in the same room with him. However, if Governaor Palin was President, well...er...it's still early. She still has time to get up to speed.

In all fairness to her, though, she made a much better showing during the last part of the interview when she was discussing energy and energy policy. She did not seem briefed or coached but much more comfortable and in command of her facts . There is no question that she is a very smart and capable woman, and when we see the next part of the interview covering the domestic policy side of things, I expect she'll do much better. Still, her lack of foreign policy expertise is troubling. Fortunately for her, I'm sure the Democrats will show mercy and refrain from exploiting such a glaring weakness.

If not, then she'll just have to hope that the pundits are right and none of this makes any difference.

As A Matter Of Fact

2008-09-11T00:22:00.000-07:00

The days when television news separated its' news content from its' editorial content are long gone. Whether on the left or the right, the viewers know that, and all that ancient footage of Eric Sevaraid offering his commentary (always carefully labeled as such) on the Evening News must seem horribly quaint and old -fashioned to the news directors running today's newsrooms. Still, most viewers, being the intelligent creatures they are, have at least some awareness that news and editorial are now one and the same, and so, in its' fashion, the whole system keeps chugging along. An odd result of all this is that as audiences have become skeptical, the ability of the newsroom to influence public opinion may, in fact, be diminished. Does anyone trust the "news" anymore?

Of course that's just a theory of mine, and I only bring it up because of an odd comment I heard on one of our local newscasts (unfortunately, in my dotage, I can't remember which one). While reporting on the Obama campaign, I heard a reporter describe Obama as "a great communicator". Mind you, he didn't say "some have described Obama as a great communicator". He merely said that Obama is a great communicator. Clearly, to my mind at least, that is a matter of opinion, and that it was offered as fact didn't really surprise me as I've come to expect such statements of fact from reporters these days. Later, though, as I thought back on it, I got to wondering - is Obama really a great communicator?

I'm not so sure.

Sure, Obama may be a great speaker, but he is a horrible communicator. Just think about it. After Sarah Palin gave her convention speech, America knew exactly who she was. She was a hockey mom, a governor, a reformer, a proud mother and a loving wife. People across the country knew women just like her. After John McCain gave his speech, America knew exactly who he was. He was a patriot, a maverick, a real stand-up kind of guy. People across America admired a guy like that.

But what about Obama? After years of campaigning and coutless speeches, does America know who he is? For me, there always seems to be this nagging question about just what this guy is really all about. After his convention speech everybody cheered and said "hell of a speech, Barak", but a week later it was hard to recall exactly what he had said. He's a Democrat, of course, and that may get him the Democratic vote, but to Republicans and many Independents he's still this unknown entity - this something that you can't quite get a sense of. Sarah Palin gave just one speech and everybody knew who she was, but Barak Obama...I'm not so sure.

I'm afraid that reporter may have gotten his facts wrong on this one. Given everything that's going on in this country and given the shrinking prospects for the Republican Party, a Democratic nominee should be a shoo-in for the Presidency this year. He should be walking all over the Republicans, and yet Obama is struggling just to stay even. Why is that? The only reasonable explanation I can come up with is that he isn't able to communicate who he is and what his Presidency would offer. People like him, they love to hear him talk, but they just don't seem to know him. There's a big difference between being the candidate of "change" and being the candidate of "trust me, I'm different."

But let's get back to Sarah Palin. How many news reports did I hear about her convention speech where the reporter described her as "passing the test." Again, editorial content reported as news. Not only is her passing or failing a matter of opinion, but this whole idea that her convention speech was "the test" is simply a bunch of crap. Maybe it's just me, but I saw the convention speech as "the audition"; the next couple of months are going to be "the test."

And it's not going to be an easy one, either. She is finally scheduled to give her first interview today, and frankly it's about time. She's had her honeymoon and now it's time to get down to the nitty-gritty. I certainly can't speak for the rest of the country, but I must say that I haven't been much impressed by a candidate who asks to be second-in-line to lead this country, and yet cannot sit down with reporters and answer some tough questions about her qualifications and abilities. If she can't handle the heat of an interview, then what does that say about her ability to handle the much graver challenges of a possible Presidency.

But that should all come to an end starting today. She's scheduled for an interview on ABC, and we'll see how she does. Hopefully there'll be more on the agenda than just private family matters and women's cosmetics. She's young and untested in many areas, and she's made some claims on the campaign trail that many are questioning. I'd like to see some good, tough questioning and maybe then we can all decide if she's passed her "test". The first, I might add, of many tests.

And hey, Ms. Palin, don't start blaming the media. They've all got their opinions, but winning the White House ain't supposed to be easy. At least, not in my opinion.

Father Knows Best

2008-09-09T02:39:00.000-07:00

"Uh, dad, can we talk to you for a second?"

"Sure. What's up?"

"Nothing...we just have something we need to talk to you about, that's all."

"Well...ok, just let me get cleaned up a little first. Where's your mother?"

"I thnk she's in the kitchen."

(Dad leaves the room. The two kids are left alone)

"What are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know. I'll think of something."

"He's going to be mad."

"No he's not, and besides, we have to tell him. He's gonna find out anyway."

"You and your stupid friends. I can't believe I listened to you."

"They're not my friends, and you're the one who said we should do it."

"Did not."

"Did so."

"Did not. It was your stupid idea."

"Was not."

"Was so."

"Was not..."

(Dad reenters the room)

"Okay then, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well...um..."

"Yes? What is it? Did something happen at school today?"

"No, nothing like that. It's just that..."

"C'mon Freddie, I haven't got all day. What did you want to talk to me about? Fannie? What is it?"

"Well you see dad, Freddie and I were wondering if...if..."

"If what?"

"If maybe somehow you might want to give us an advance on our allowance."

"An advance? Do you need some money for school? I'll give it to you. You don't need to spend your allowance."

"No, it's not that."

"Well then, what is it? What do you need the money for?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? It's got to be something?"

"We'll pay you back and all. I mean, we already told mom we'd clean the house and she said ok, and we'll even do the laundry if we have to. We promise."

"Uh-huh. I see. Well that's certainly nice of you two to offer to help your mother out around the house, but I'm a little surprised at this sudden outburst of industriousness and responsibility."

"We want to do it. Honest."

"Fannie, there's something you're not telling me. C'mon now, why do you two need an advance on your allowance? Tell me the truth."

"What do you mean?"

"Fannie - I asked you what's the money for."

"Can't you just give it to us?"

"Are you two in some kind of trouble?"

"No, it's nothing like that."

"Freddie? Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"No...I mean not really...I mean...we kind of owe some people some money, that's all."

"Kind of owe which people some money?"

"These banker guys. You know, foreigners and pension plan guys."

"Foreigners and pension plan guys? Why do you owe foreigners and pension plan guys money?"

"Umm..."

"Freddie - I asked you a question."

"Well...you see...we had to borrow some money from these foreigners and pension plan guys so that we could loan it to some mortgage guys."

"You what? Ok, let's back up here. First tell me how much money you owe these people?"

"I don't know. About (mumble) dollars."

"What? I didn't catch that. How much do you owe?"

"About 15 trillion dollars, I guess."

"About 15 trillion dollars you 'guess', but you don't know."

"Not really. It's complicated."

(Fannie interrupts)

"It's not that much dad. Freddie's just being a moron. Most of that money's going to be paid back. We don't really owe that much."

"Well then Fannie, why don't you enlighten me. If it's not 15 trillion dollars then how much do you owe?"

"I'm not sure. It all depends. If the money we lent to the mortgage people gets paid back then we won't owe anything 'cause we'll be making money. You see?"

"No I don't see. Why are you lending people money in the first place? And where did you get 15 trillion dollars?"

"We got it from these foreigners and pension plan guys, and we use the money to buy loans from the mortgage guys who lend it to people so they can buy houses. Then we guarantee and sell the loans we buy to more foreigners and pension plan guys and pocket a little for ourselves."

"Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is that some of that money got lent to people who couldn't really pay it back."

"You lent money to people who couldn't pay it back?"

"Sort of."

"I don't understand. Why did you lend money to people who can't pay it back?"

"It was Freddie's idea."

(Freddie stands up)

"Was not my idea."

"Was so."

"Was not. Dad, Fannie's lying."

"Am not."

"Are so."

(Dad's had enough)

"That's enough! Now both of you sit down. Right now!"

(They quiet down. Dad continues.)

"I don't care who's idea it was. You took money from foreigners and pension plan guys and gave it to people who couldn' pay it back, and now you've got to find some money to pay back the people you borrowed from. Right?"

"..."

"Right?"

"Sort of."

"No, not 'sort of'. That's exactly what you did, and now you want me to help you clean up this mess. Right?"

"..."

"Well, I've got news for you. As far as I'm concerned you're responsible for what's happened and it's up to you, not me, to fix it. You hear me? That's your responsibility. I want you to go talk to your foreigners and pension plan guys and tell them you're sorry but you might not be able to pay them back the money you owe. Explain what happened, just like you did to me. They won't like it, but things like this happen sometimes. Afterwards, maybe you can think of some way to make it up to them. In the meantime, I don't want either one of you to make any more loans or borrow any more money. Is that clear?"

"Yeah, ok, but..."

"But what?"

"But...it's just that...you see...we kind of promised."

"Promised what?"

"We promised them if we couldn't pay the money back that they could bill you for what they were owed."

"They could bill me?"

"Yeah. We promised. We had to. They wouldn't have lent us the money if we didn't."

"Oh they wouldn't. Well isn't that just too damn bad. Sorry boys and girls, but I never promised them anything. If they want to collect anything from me then they can talk to my lawyer. Capiche? You tell them I'm not paying them a dime."

"But you can't do that."

"Oh yeah, just watch me."

"No, I mean you can't do that."

"What do you mean I can't do that?"

"Because we're your kids. They said that makes you, you know, responsible."

"Who said?"

"Everybody. You see dad, half the mortgages in the country wouldn't get made if it weren't for our, I mean 'your' guarantee. Everyone knows that. If you don't make sure the foreigners and pension plan guys get paid, then the whole housing market could collapse."

"Are you crazy? Are the both of you out of your flippin' minds? You think I've got 15 trillion dollars just laying around the house that I can pay to a bunch of foreigners and pension plan guys because my kids decided to go out and start lending money to people who can't pay it back? Are you out of your flippin' minds?"

"You don't have to pay back the entire 15 trillion. Most of the loans are good."

"Oh. 'Most of the loans are good'. That's great. I don't feel so bad now. Gee, and I was getting worried there for a minute."

"You don't have to get sarcastic."

"I'll get as sarcastic as I damn well please. I'm still your father you know."

"..."

"Tell me something, if your so sure I won't have to pay back the entire 15 trillion then exactly how much will I have to pay?"

"We told you. We don't know for sure."

"Well, Fannie, then why don't you give me your best guess."

"Maybe only about 200 billion or so."

"Oh. Maybe only 200 billion or so? Is that all? Why didn't you say so in the first place? No problem. No problemioso. Let me just check underneath the sofa cushions for some loose change."

"You're mad at us, aren't you?"

"..."

"We're sorry."

"You bet your little behinds your sorry, but not nearly as sorry as your gonna be when you get finished paying this money back. And you are going to pay me back. You hear what I'm saying to you. From now on I own you and you're going to pay me back every last penny."

"It won't be 200 billion. It probably won't even be close. That's just worst case."

"Let's see. How much is your allowance? 20 bucks a week. If you pay me back 20 dollars a week then you should have this paid back in, hmm, around 19 billion years. How's that sound? Does 19 billion years sound right to you?"

"Daaaaaad...."

"You think I'm kidding? You think this is some kind of a joke? Ok, how about if both of you just skip your suppers tonight and go straight up to your rooms instead. That way maybe the hunger pains can help you focus on figuring out how you're gonna come up with 200 billion dollars to pay me back."

"That isn't fair."

"What isn't fair? This?"

"We didn't do anything wrong. We were just trying to help people."

"Help people? By lending them money they couldn't pay back? You weren't helping them, you were taking advantage of them. There's a big difference Fannie. Maybe when you're sitting up there in your room you can think about that a little too."

"We didn't know they weren't going to pay it back. Anyway, it was the mortgage people who lent them the money. We just bought the loans."

"I don't care. You should have known. You should have known what you were buying. Ignorance is no excuse. You hear me? You hear what I just said?"

"Yeah, we heard you."

"What did I say?"

"Ignorance is no excuse."

"That's right. Geez, what a mess. How could you be so dumb?"

"..."

"Taking trillions of dollars from people and lendng it to people who couldn't pay it back. What were you thinking?"

"..."

"Wait till I tell your mother. She's not going to be happy. Is she?"

"..."

"No, she's going to be spittin' mad. For crying out loud, how could you do something like this? Huh? Why didn't you ask me before you started lending these people money? You could have asked me first before you started throwing all this money around. Didn't you think of that?"

"..."

"Up to your room - both of you. And let's just hope you learned a valuable lesson from all this."

"We're sorry."

"I know you are, but you've got to learn to be more careful."

"We will be."

"Go on. And if any of your friends call you can tell 'em you're both grounded. Is that clear?"

"Yes."

"Ok."

"Dad?"

"What."

"There is one more thing."

"What's that?"

"We both had contracts. You know, employment contracts."

"So?"

"So, if you're going to ground us you have to pay us our severance."

"For what?"

"For our hard work and stewardship."

"And just how much is that worth?"

"Well, Freddie gets 14 million dollars and I get 9. It's only fair."

"You think that's fair?"

"It's in our contracts."

"Well, I'll tell you what. How about I throw both of you in the river. That way, as your next of kin, that money would come to me. That would be fair, wouldn't it, seeing as I'm paying all this money to bail you out."

"Oh dad..."

"..."

"You're not serious are you?"

(exasperated sigh) "Don't worry, you'll get your 25 million. After all, it's in your contract."

"Thanks dad. You're the best."

"What's fair is fair. That's what Dad's are for."

What Hath God Wrought

2008-09-02T01:29:00.000-07:00

I don't normally write about video games, and not because I know nothing about them, but simply because I never play them. Oh, I've played them before, but that was a long time ago, and I realize other people play them and that's fine.

Now, having said all that, anyone who has ever read this blog must certainly know by now that not knowing what I'm talking about has never stopped me from offering an opinion, and so I want to talk about this new game that is being released next Sunday called Spore. I've never seen it nor played it, but I know that for about the past 5 years it has been one of the gaming world's most hotly anticipated games.

Spore is the latest creation of Will Wright, the video gaming genius behind the mega-selling "Sims" franchise (which in and of itself speaks highly of the game's market potential), and, as I understand it, the idea of Spore is that the player attempts to take a lowly single cell protozoa and evolve it through gameplay into a highly intelligent being that colonizes the Universe.

Keep in mind that Will Wright is a game designer, not a microbiologist, so the educational potential of Spore is likely to be low. Parents shouldn't be confused into thinking that playing 500 hours of Spore will get their child into Harvard Medical School. From what I can tell so far, Spore will be less like science and more like Intelligent Design. That is, the player will be given a small opportunity to play God and evolve a species.

Interesting idea, huh, evolving your own species and all. C'mon, honestly haven't you ever found yourself peering into a microscope and quietly wondering quietly what your life would be like if you had been born an amoeba - feeling the things an amoeba feels, thinking the thoughts an amoeba thinks? I've got to admit I'm a little intrigued. Just what do amoebae think about? Lacking brains it can't be anything too deep. They swim, they eat, and every now and then when they're feeling lonely they unchain their genes and split down the middle. A pretty self-absorbed existence, if you ask me; one best suited to either movie stars or bloggers. Now that would be the scenario I'd like to play - to see if I could evolve the lowly amoeba into Sylvester Stallone.

Actually, I don't have a clue how this game will play, but it's an interesting premise. According to the website, Spore will be available for Windows and Mac and the graphics requirements aren't too steep so most recently purchased computer should be able to run it. Like I said, I'm not a gamer so I think I'll wait for the reviews to come out before I plunk down any cash. If it lives up to the hype, though, it sounds like it might be fun.

And while we're on the subject of science and technology I just have one more thing I'd like to mention. I bought a little portable USB mouse for my laptop the other day, and while that usually wouldn't merit a mention even in a blog as useless as this one, I did notice one thing. Isn't it strange that here we are almost 9 years into the 21st century, and still no one has managed to invent a package that is incapable of being opened?

Think about it. We've split the atom, we've mapped the human genome, and yet we still haven't invented the totally unopenable package. Not that we haven't tried. The plastic packaging that my USB mouse came in was certainly a valiant effort, but with the aid of a blow torch and a couple of hand grenades even that was ultimately openable.

There is clearly much more to be done in this area.

Vox Populi

2008-08-29T00:42:00.000-07:00

"What's that?"

"What?"

"That."

"You mean this?"

"Yeah."

"It's called a newspaper."

"A what?"

"A newspaper. Haven't you ever seen a newspaper before?"

"I dunno...Hey, did you see the speech?"

"Yeah, I saw it."

"Pretty historic, huh? Man, after that speech I don't even want to hear what that old guy's gonna say. I mean, I don't need to hear it. You know what I mean?"

"Are you new or something? Man, that guy's just feeding us the same old bullshit that they all do. Saying how he's gonna do this and do that, and they don't ever do none of it. Like if he's elected President he's gonna cure cancer or turn sewer water into gasoline or something. I can't believe you bought into that shit."

"No way, man. This guy's different. He's gonna be our first black President."

"So?"

"So? What are you talking about? You don't think a black man can be President?"

"I didn't say that."

"Yeah you did. You're a racist, man, that's what you are."

"Screw you, man. I didn't say anything about a black man can't be President. You're the one talking about race."

"You don't think a black man can be President?"

"Sure he can, but that don't mean he's gonna be a good President just because he's black."

"Yeah, right, whatever man. I know who I'm voting for. That old guy wants to start a nuclear war and throw poor people out in the street, talking like it's not the government's problem. Well then who's problem is it, huh?"

"Since when did you start caring about politics? You never even voted before."

"Well this time it's different. I got to get involved, you know. The people have got to rise up and take action. It's our time, you know...Hey, I think I saw one of those things before."

"What? You mean a newspaper?"

"Yeah, over at my grandma's house. She had one of those. I can't remember what she used it for, though. I think she used to wrap fish in it or something."

"You never read a newspaper before."

"Nah, c'mon. That's old people stuff. Let me see it."

"Sure."

"How does it work?"

"It doesn't 'work', you just read it."

"You just read it? Are you serious? How are you supposed to post comments or links or things like that?"

"You just read it."

"That's some messed up shit, man. You know what I like to do? I like to read something then go down into the comments and post something like 'You suck' or something like that. Man, it pisses 'em off when you do stuff like that."

"Well, you just read a newspaper."

"That's messed up."

"Don't you care what's happening in the world?"

"Yeah, I care. I follow the news, but I don't read boring crap like this newspaper thingy. I read about the things I care about, you know?"

"Like what?"

"I dunno, cool stuff, you know. Like that guy who put a Bic lighter in his microwave and the thing exploded and burned his house down. Did you read about that? What a dumbshit."

"That's what you care about?"

"No, I read about Iraq and stuff like that. How the government's sending people over there to die just so Dick Cheney and his oil friends can get rich. I know what's going on."

"Oh really? But how do you know it's true?"

"Give me a break. What? Do you think we're really over there to fight terrorists when there weren't even any terrorists over there till we arrived."

"No, I mean if you pick and choose only the news that you want to read then how do you know that what you're reading is true? If you're only interested in hearing the same old sermon, then how do you know that the preacher isn't lying?"

"I know when something's bullshit or not, ok? Just because I don't read newspapers that doesn't mean I'm stupid. And besides, I don't get all my news from the internet. I watch TV and things like that."

"No, it doesn't make you stupid - it makes you narrow. You said it yourself. You don't even want to hear what the other guy's gonna say."

"I already know what he's gonna say. I'm not gonna waste my time watching that crap."

"Did you see those May Day parades they had in Moscow?"

"What?"

"I think it was on Youtube."

"So what?"

"Russia's been making lots of money lately on account of all this oil and natural gas they've got and you know what they've been doing with that money? They've been rearming. That parade was pretty impressive. Tanks, missile launchers, troops - all kinds of stuff. When I was watching that speech for some reason I just started to think about that."

"So you're saying if Obama gets elected then the Russians are going to come over here and kick our ass? That's a bunch of bull."

"No, I'm saying that everybody is saying that Obama is the next JFK, so, ok. JFK was young and inexperienced and when he was elected a lot of people around the world percieved him as being weak. That's a big reason why Khruschev built those missile bases in Cuba. The Russians wanted to test JFK and they were pretty sure that if push came to shove he would back down. He didn't, of course, but you gotta think the Russians are looking at Obama and wondering what he'd do in the same situation. I mean, you don't build a huge military machine just to look pretty in the May Day parade."

"What the hell are you talking about. Who the hell is Khruschev?"

"I'm not saying it would be one way or the other. I just think it would be ironic that if confronted by the Russians, maybe this time it would be the U.S. that would back down. Maybe pull our missles out of Poland or something like that. It'll probably never happen, but...I don't know."

"Yeah, well maybe if that old guy gets elected then he'll back down too."

"No, I don't think so. I mean his wife's over in Georgia right now. Sure, it's all for 'humanitarian' purposes, but it's also pretty in your face. The Russians know how McCain would react. I guess that's why Western Europe is so gung-ho for Obama. The last thing they want is a confrontation with the East or another Cold War."

"A 'what' war? So what if Obama backs down, we're better off making friends than enemies. No more of this Iraq shit, or maybe you think we should just blow each other up."

"It's all just hypothetical."

"Here, you can have this back."

"Don't you want to finish reading it?"

"Yeah right. I can't believe people actually used to read these things. What a dumb idea. Why waste a bunch of trees when you can just post it online?"

"These things won't be around much longer anyways, so I wouldn't worry about it. Pretty soon they'll be in museums in little glass cases with signs next to them explaning to people what they were. Kind of sad really."

"Kind of dumb if you ask me. It' not even Web 1.0. No video, no audio, no comments - what can you get from one of these that you can't get online."

"The stuff you don't want to know about."

"I gotta go. We've got a couple of the VC's coming in after lunch and I've got to show 'em how wisely we're using all that seed money they gave us. It's a pain but they're pretty cool about it. I'll see you later."

"Sure you don't want to take this with you?"

"No thanks. Ah hell, why not. I was thinking about swinging by the fish market after work anyway. It might come in handy."

"I got to be going too. Shoot me an email and let me know how the meeting went."

"Will do, and try not to worry too much about the Russians invading Poland or something, ok?"

"And don't go sticking your lighter in the microwave. See 'ya."

Just Another Cheap Thrill

2008-08-23T03:29:00.000-07:00

Now that they've finally captured Bigfoot, there are really only a few great mysteries left to ponder - who are we, where did we come from, and, of course, what kind of crazy scoring system are they using for those Olympic boxing matches. Five judges sitting around pressing little buttons, and if they don't press 'em then you don't score. Talk about a system just asking to be abused (not that anyone would ever accuse boxing officials of dirty dealings). It's so bad that I heard one of the announcers wonder if it would be possible for one boxer to knock the other one out and still not score a point.

In Olympic boxing, believe me, it's possible.

But let's not worry about that now. What's done is done. I thought instead what I'd like to do is take a few moments to talk about this video camera I bought. This has absolutely nothing to do with boxing, of course, but it is something to blog about.

First, just let me say that I'm no "tech expert". In fact, even though a lot of people call themselves "tech experts" I'll bet that there are maybe only a dozen or so people in the world who really fit the description. Just because the local news anchor says "and now for a report on this new whiz-bang electronic wonder, here's our tech expert Johnny Kool with all the details", that doesn't mean Johnny's really an expert.

As far as I'm concerned, people who do reviews or reports on new products aren't "experts", they're "consultants". That is, they have some knowledge about something or some experience on how to do something and they're here to pass that knowledge on to others. Some might call them "teachers", but I think of them more as "consultants". Either way they certainly aren't "experts".

So like I said, I'm no "tech expert", but I can tell you a little about this thing from Oregon Scientific called the "ATC3k" - a video camera I bought which has the singular distinction of being (a) waterproof and (b) shock resistant and (c) extremely cheap (like me). I bought the camera so I could record some of my bike rides, and it comes with lots of different mounting options for the helmet, wrist and handlebars. That's the good part.

The bad part is the wobble. I've searched around the web and read all kinds of explanations for it, but for whatever reason the video you get from this camera has a serious case of the wobbles. Some say it's the shutter, some say it's the CCD's, some say it's the compression algorithm done inside the camera, but all agree the camera simply can't handle fast moving objects. I never expected to get Hollywood quality video from a cheap little camera like this, but I certainly wasn't prepared for the wobble.

To show you what I'm talking about I'm posting this video of one of my recent rides. The video has been heavily compressed for the web so the picture quality isn't actually as bad as you see here, but even as poor as it looks you still can't miss the wobble as it ripples its way up and down the screen.

I also muted the video so you don't have to listen to that annoying wind noise you get from in-camera microphones. An option to attach an external mike that could be shielded from the wind would be nice, but you're not going to find that in this price range. The usual procedure for on-bike video is to mute the sound and add some background music, so that's what I've done.

Please take a look and see what you think. I'm no tech expert but I'd say that this camera sucks.

Sunday Ride from Tony Myers on Vimeo.

The Audacity of Blog

2008-07-30T01:05:00.000-07:00

Where else but on a blog could the average Joe sit down in front of a computer and singlehandedly solve all the world's problems? The power of this new technology is simply amazing. Global warming got you down? Just ask a blogger - he's got the answers. Want to know the best way to run your business? The blogger hasn't been born who doesn't know the best way for other people to conduct their affairs. No doubt about it. Blogging is the miracle of our times, and attributable, I suppose, only to the fact that there are millions of people scattered across the globe with nothing better to do.

I do a bit of blogging myself, and being the moody, ruminating sort I too have been known to volunteer opinions neither sought nor welcomed. It's a selfish sort of thing, of course, or rather a self-absorbed sort of thing, but having no other serious vices I suppose a blog or two offers little chance of being my ruination. With that in mind I thought I'd do my part and offer up some of my ideas for solving the world's problems.

The problem at the top of most people's list seems to be the price of gas, and wouldn't you know it, I just happen to have a solution. Actually it's quite a brilliant solution, and as we are in the middle of a presidential race I think it's a solution that would work equally well for the Democrats or Republicans. My solution, you see, is predicated on these two theses, namely 1) Sen. Phil Gramm was right and high gas prices are really just a figment of our imaginations and 2) Americans are terrible at math.

The solution, you see, is simple. All we have to do is what the rest of the world is already doing. Instead of selling gasoline by the gallon, we sell it by the liter. I did a rough calculation and gas selling for $4.50 a gallon would sell for only $1.20 per liter (Did I say gas? Sorry, I meant "petrol"). All the next president has to do is make the changeover and he can quite rightly proclaim that since taking office he has reduced the price of gas from $4.50 to $1.20, and before you can say "let me check those numbers" America will be right back at the dealership buying up those Lincoln Navigators and Chevy Tahoes. The voters are happy, the oil companies are happy, and Detroit is happy. I call that a win-win-win.

Okay, now that the energy crisis is solved let's move on to the next challenge. This is a big one. It's the housing crisis. I saw a guy on the news today who said that if his candidate is elected he'll push for new bankruptcy laws that will allow the bankruptcy courts to set aside mortgages. I'm trying to be non-judgemental and non-partisan here so I won't name the candidate (Obama), but that's a hell of an idea, and I'm more than a little disappointed that I didn't think of it myself. As I understand it, under this plan you go to the bank, they lend you a half-million dollars or so you can buy a house, you buy the house, you file for bankruptcy, the judge sets aside the mortgage, and then you get to keep the house without having to pay the money back. Now that's a great idea. It's no wonder that America loves this Obama guy.

Personally, I think the banks probably won't be making many loans under those circumstances, but I still like the thinking behind it. I might suggest a little improvement, however. Instead of forcing people to file for bankruptcy and ruining their credit records (would you take a free house if you knew it was going to ruin your credit record - me too), why not just cut out the middleman. I mean we've got all these empty houses just sitting around, so why not just have the government give them to people. It could be like the 21st century version of the Homestead Act. You go down to the county clerk's office and file your claim, and the house is yours. Home ownership is good for America, right? If we keep making people pay for their houses then some people are never going to be able to afford one.

Problem solved.

Let's see, what's next. How about the Health Care crisis? That's an easy one too. First we need some historical perspective though. You see, back in the old days we used to have this thing called "inflation" that was measured by an index called the CPI, or Consumer Price Index. The CPI had been around since around 1919 and was used to measure changes in the prices of things. That was fine until the 1970's when we had our first "oil crisis". A cartel of oil producing countries decided to cutback their oil shipments and the price of gas shot through the roof (does anyone remember gas lines and "odd and even" days?). Unfortunately, not only did the oil shortage inflict the Ford Pinto and the Chevy Vega on us, it also triggered a round of inflation that by the 1980's took the CPI to around 20%.

Well, that wouldn't do so somewhere it was decided that in order to get prices under control we needed to make some changes to the CPI. What happened next is something we now call the core inflation rate. The core inflation rate, we were told, was more accurate than the CPI because it didn't track prices that were deemed "volatile" like energy prices or food prices. The government liked the new core inflation rate best of all because it was substantially less than the CPI and significantly reduced the amounts it had to pay for entitlements programs that linked to the inflation rate.

So that's why nowadays when people are shopping at thrift stores and taking out payday loans at 400% interest just so they can put some gas in the tank and maybe buy a box of cereal, the government can happily report that prices are stable and inflation is a mere tenths of a percent. What's even better is that now our economists have come up with a newer way to measure to inflation that reduces the numbers even more the core inflation rate. It's called the PCE, and is based on the notion that when the price of something goes up, people will buy a cheaper alternative rather than pay the higher price. For example, when the price of, say, laundry detergent goes up, people tend not to buy laundry detergent anymore but will just go down to the river and use a rock instead. Therefore you can't say that the price of laundry detergent is inflationary because nobody is buying it. Pretty smart, huh?

The reason I'm mention all this is simply because I think we can use the same logic and apply it to the health care system. If people can't afford prescription drugs anymore because the cost is too high, then simply don't include it in health care costs. Likewise if people can't afford health insurance or hospitalization, cross 'em off the list. I think you'll find if you eliminate these and other volatile items from the health care equation, the cost of health care will be substantially reduced. With enough adjustment to the numbers, I think we can bring down health care costs to no more than the price of a Band-aid. Remembering once again America's poor math skills and I'd say the health care crisis would be solved.

I could go on but I think that's enough for today. Besides, solving the energy, housing and health care crises is more than enough for any blog.

The Ride So Far

2008-07-26T02:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a year this week since I took my MSF Basic Riding Course and got my motorcycle license, so now you're probably wondering what kind of advice a noob like me can pass along to those other noobs still on the BRC waiting list. Well, since I'm still learning I don't know what advice I can give, but I'll do my best.

"Dear Noob,

With the price of gas being so high I was thinking about saving some money by two-wheeling it. What do you think? Do I really need to take the MSF course? Would a 900 - 1000 cc sportbike be a good bike for a beginner?

motogpwannabe
Decatur, IL"

Well wannabe, you're doing the right thing by asking a stranger on the internet for advice. To answer your question, no you don't need to take the MSF course to learn to ride. Why I remember in the old days all you did was ask an uncle or a friend to take you out to the local parking lot and give you the instruction you needed. Just remember to wear a helmet. As for your second question, I think a liter class sportbike would be an excellent bike to learn on. Just look at this video and see how easy it is.

"Dear Noob,

I saw that video you posted, but I don't want to go racing. I'm an older guy and I just want to get a nice looking bike so that I can cruise and feel virile again. I cashed out my stock options and was wondering - do I need the MSF course? I saw this really cool looking Harley the other day and I think it would make the perfect beginners bike. What do you think?

checkmeout
Covina, CA"

Well checkmeout, I wouldn't bother with the training if I were you. After all, riding a Harley is just like riding a bicycle, only it's 700 pounds heavier and has an extra 100 or so horsepower. If all you're going to do is cruise, then I say go for it. Just look at this guy - fully dressed and ready to go (the bike I mean, not the rider).

And finally this last letter:

"Dear Noob,

I've read that with the all the new riders on the streets today, the number of motorcycle accidents is rising fast. Is motorcycling safe? I'd like to start riding myself but I don't know where to start. Some people say that it's better to start riding on a smaller bike that will be easier to handle and will keep me out of trouble, but other people tell me to get a big bike that I won't grow out of once I learn to ride. What's your advice?

normalguy
Denver, CO"

I can't tell you what to buy, normalguy. I started out on a small bike, but there are plenty of people out there who learned on bigger bikes and never had a problem. It's true that a small bike with less weight and less power can keep you out of trouble in certain circumstances, but that doesn't necessarily make it a "safe" bike. I've only been riding a year so I can't really say what makes a bike "safe", but I think that for the the most part safety has more to do with the person sitting in the saddle than it does with the bike. Any bike can be ridden safely, and any bike can be ridden stupidly.

Whatever you're going to ride, my advice would be to get some professional instruction before you go out and start shopping. Not your uncle or your brother, but someone who's job it is to teach noobs like you and me how to safely ride a motorcycle. After you take the course you'll have a better idea of what sort of bike you can handle, or you may even decide not to ride a bike at all.

I'm going to post this last video just for you normalguy. The other two videos were on the humerous side, but this one is dead serious. Other than some scrapes and bruises and a broken leg, the guys on the first two videos ended up relatively okay. Unfortunately, one of the guys in this video ended up dead. (WARNING! This video is not for the squeamish - you've been warned).

The situation is so typical of a Sunday ride. Twisty two lane highway, heavy traffic, and lots of bikers out riding. The guy shooting the video has a camera mounted to his bike, and he's all set to record his nice little cruise up in the mountains on his fine machine. He's going along pretty uneventfully at a nice, easy pace until suddenly he's passed by another rider twisting and weaving through traffic on his hot little ride. Now it's no more Mr. Nice Guy for our camera biker. His racer blood is boiling, and the next thing you know he's into the throttle and hellbent to show the little twerp that he's got a pretty hot little ride himself.

Problem is, camera biker doesn't have the skills he thinks he does. It's pretty obvious just by watching the video that he's in deep doodoo and trying to ride way beyond his limits, but he's got a fast bike and he's not going to let anyone show him up. You can predict the outcome. When it was all over, our camera biker wound up in the hospital, and another guy wound up dead. So, was that the bike's fault?

Even though I have a year's worth of riding and about 7,000 miles under my belt now, I know I''m still a newbie. I just try to become a better rider every time I ride, and if I never remember anything else from the MSF course I'll always remember their two most important lessons:

One: Search, Evaluate, and Execute - always keep an eye out for trouble and have a plan for getting out of trouble if trouble comes. Assume your invisible and stay alert.

Two: Ride within your limits - if you watched the last video you'll understand why. That video says is all.

Get some instruction and remember those two rules, and you should be okay normalguy. And don't forget to enjoy yourself. No one would argue the point that cars are safer than bikes, but then again they aren't nearly as much fun. Just remember that safety starts with that gray stuff between your ears, and don't forget that for every idiot you come across there are perhaps a hundred or more sane folk who've been riding for years and loving every moment of it. Call it the the luck of the draw, but you know maybe sometimes we make our own luck. Either way, the BRC and some common sense has kept me safe so far (knock on wood).

Top 5 Things You Should Do In These Troubled Times

2008-07-17T15:01:00.000-07:00

With food and energy prices soaring, we all need to do some belt-tightening these days. But what to do? To help you get through these troubling times, Dead Cat asked our consumer reporter (that would be me) to offer up his top 5 money saving ideas.

1. Steal Donuts from the break room:

Your boss is a nice guy, so every Friday he brings in a box of donuts for the staff to enjoy. Well here's an idea that can save you hundreds of dollars on your next grocery bill. When Friday comes around, get to the office a little early and wait in the parking lot for the boss to arrive. When you see him, say a friendly hello and offer to take the donuts up to the break room. He'll be glad for the help. When he hands you the box, tell him you forgot something in your car, and then after he leaves place the donuts in a paper bag and stash them in your trunk.

Be careful to leave one or two of the donuts in the box before taking it up to the break room. That way when he sees the almost empty box he won't think the donuts have been stolen, but just assume that the staff wolfed 'em all down and left none for anyone else except a couple of the crappy ones.

Although it may not seem like much, there are enough calories in the average box of donuts to feed a family of four for an entire summer.

2. Take the train instead:

It's no secret that the fuel prices are higher than they've ever been before. Most of us would like to cut back on our gasoline usage, but we've still got jobs we have to get to and places we have to go. Is there some other more fuel-efficient means to travel? Sure there is, and it can be found in every city and county of America.

It' called the freight train, and for well over a hundred years people like Woody Guthrie and Steam Train Maury have hitching rides back and forth all across this great nation of ours. Don't worry about the price or the mileage, just hop aboard. There's no waiting in line and no ticket to buy, and as energy experts will tell you, trains are still our most energy-efficient means of motorized transportation.

That's great you say, but how do I get started. First, check with your local rail yard and see if they have a list of freight trains that will be running through your area. Also find out if they have a map showing the rail lines that connect the areas that your interested in travelling to. Look for sharp bends and steep uphill climbs as these will be the easiest place for you to hop on board. Then, just bundle up some clothes and tie them up in a bandana, attach it to the end of a pole and you're ready to travel.

3. Save on cleaning supplies:

Along with everything else, the cost of cleaning supplies keeps rising. All those disinfectants, tile scrubbers, stain removers, countertop cleaners, air fresheners, etc... can really put a dent in the household budget. Well why not take a tip from that bachelor friend of yours. He's savings money because instead of wasting countless hours scrubbing and washing only to have to do the very same thing all over again next week, he just don't bother.

After all, as most undomesticated males can tell you, that black grime building up on your floors, sinks and countertops may look unsightly, but it probably won't kill you. Those bathtub stains may make your skin crawl, but they aren't fatal. That putrid stench rising up from the garbage piled up under the sink may be unpleasant at first, but only if you forget to hold your breath. By just letting nature take it's course, you will not only save on cleaning supplies, but lower your water and electricity costs as well. Relax, have a beer, and save money in the process.

4. Saving on that next vacation:

Summer's here and it's time once again for that dream vacation. I mean the neighbors dream vacation, of course, not yours. You can't afford a vacation this year. Well, you could afford a vacation, but only one that doesn't involve flying, driving or eating. No, looks like you'll be stuck at home while the neighbors are out on their Polynesian cruise, so why not use their absence to do a little savings while they're gone.

Chances are the neighbors won't be taking their pet along with them on vacation, so why not offer to watch little fluffy or fido for them while they're away? They'll be relieved to have someone close by to watch their pet, and you can use the oppurtunity to ask for their housekey in case an emergency should arise. Then, as soon as they leave, shut down the water and electricty at your house, and go move into theirs.

Forget about paying the utilities. It's their bill, not yours. No more of this turning the air conditioning off. Turn that sucker on, and leave it on - the lights too. Turn on every light in the house and leave them on day and night, take 45 minute showers, run a hose from their yard to yours and water your lawn as much as you like - make it look like the Everglades if you want to. If they've got a pool, crank up that heater and have a pool party. Call up a caterer and have them send the bill to your neighbors address. Live it up. While they're having their vacation, have a little vacation of your own.

Finally, when the neighbors return home, don't admit to anything.

"Say Bob, you know it's the strangest thing. While we were away in Tahiti, our utility bill almost tripled."

"Yours too? Man, I thought it was just us. These utility rates are ridiculous, aren't they?"

5. Children are our most precious asset:

They never listen, they're always mouthing off, they think they know everything, they won't stop fighting...yes, our children are precious to us. But aren't there times when you'd like to be able to just sit down with your kids, as a family, without any of the distractions or the hustle and bustle of daily life, and...

wring their little necks.

No, I'm kidding of course. You don't want to harm your children, but what if you could sell them instead? Pawn 'em off on some poor, unsuspecting couple and let 'em drive someone else crazy for a while. Well, that's what couples in third world nations have been doing for centuries. By selling their children to unscrupulous middlemen, they not only get a cash payment up front, but save thousands and thousands of dollars on the care and feeding of the ungrateful little buggers.

And what a valuable life lesson you'll be passing on to your kids as well. As they spend then next 5, 10, or even 20 years of their lifes in indentured servitude, down on their knees scrubbing some rich woman's floors, perhaps then they'll finally start to appreciate how good they had it. Perhaps then they'll learn to have a little respect for the mother and father who provided for them all those years (the ungrateful little buggers). Money in your pocket and a valuable life lesson as well. It's a win-win situation for both parent and child.

The Green PC

2008-07-16T01:18:00.000-07:00

I love a financial panic, don't you? Yeah, there's nothing like the sight of an angry mob breaking down the doors to the bank to put a little drama in your life - like something out of those old Hollywood movies. The most amazing thing to me, though, isn't the lines of people, it's that there are actually people in this country who still have any money left in the bank. Geez, after gassing up the car and paying for my groceries, I'm pretty well tapped out.

And what's even more amazing is that in this new electronic age there are still people who go to the bank at all. Maybe it's just me but I always assumed that pretty much everybody does their banking online these days. Well, maybe not. Apparently a lot of people are doing their banking the old fashioned way - they get in their cars and drive to the bank and fill out their little deposit/withdrawal slips and go stand in line - just like grandma and grandpa used to do.

That's so weird.

You know, people, you don't have to do that anymore. They have these things called ATM's now, and direct deposit and the internet and all kinds of neat stuff. If you want to take your money out of one bank and move it to another, you can even do this thing called an ACH transfer and the banks take care of it all electronically. It's so much easier than grabbing a baseball bat and running down to the bank to demand your money back.

Anyway, I must be out of step because I have at least a half dozen bank accounts and I haven't set foot in a bank in years. No, that's not true. I did have to go into my Credit Union to open a checking account, but then Credit Unions always seem to be a bit behind when it comes to new technologies. Other than that I don't think I'd know what the inside of a bank looks like. Do they still give you cookies? Do they still run passbooks through big noissy machines that stamp your balance on little pink pages?

I just did a google search and according to a 2006 study the percentage of online banking customers back in 2005 was around 40%. Hmm, I guess I was wrong. It looks like most people do still do their banking the old fashioned way. Go figure. Maybe people don't know about this thing called electronic banking. You know maybe...just maybe...this would be an opportunity for me to actually post something useful to this blog. Wouldn't that be something? No guarantees mind you, but why not give it a try.

Let me start by telling you about this guy I saw on the news. He had a CD with Indymac Bank for around $220,000, and when Indymac went belly up he was only able to recover about $170,000 of his deposit. He may get more in the future, but that's all he's gotten so far. Clearly, that guy was doing his banking under the old "sit down at the desk, open an account, get your little book stamped (and ask if they have any cookies)" model. Mind you, there's no law that says you can't do it that way, but you see what can happen.

Nowadays, you have other options. If he had come to me with his money and sought my advice I would have sold him some life insurance. No, no, I'm just kidding. I would have shown him how CD investing works in the modern world.

His first mistake, you see, was going to the bank. I figure he saw an Indymac ad in the paper advertising some ridiculously high CD rate and decided to take all his money and go for it. That's perfectly understandable, particularly if you've looked at some of the pitiful rates that savings and money market accounts are paying these days. However, what he should have done instead of going down to the bank is go online.

Once online he could have gone to a website like bankrate.com and compared Indymac's rates to some other CD rates currently on market, and he could have even bought most of them right there over the internet if he wanted to. Yep, he could have done that, but then he might have ended up in the same fix he's in now. Unfortunately, just because a CD is listed on bankrate.com, that doesn't mean the issuing bank is any more fiscally sound that Indymac was.

With $220k to invest, what I would have recommended instead is that he ladder his CD's, and the easiest way I've found to do that is with an online brokerage account. Most, if not all, online brokerage accounts can be set up online, and in many cases can be linked directly to your bank account, making it easy to transfer cash back and forth between the two. Once you have set up and funded your account, then CD laddering is as simple as it gets.

Maybe I should explain laddering. The whole idea behind CD laddering is to spread your interest rate risk over a group of CD's, trading some upside (and downside) potential for a better average return over time. For example, suppose you put $220,000 in a 12 month CD paying 3.8%. That's great, but let's say that a couple of months after your purchase interest rates start to rise. Now instead of paying 3.8%, newly issued 12 month CD's are paying 4.0%. Oops. By locking yourself in to that one CD, your going to miss out on an extra .02% of interest for the next 10 months until your CD matures. Then let's say that interest rates continue to rise and a couple of months later 12 month CD's are paying 4.2%. Now you're really starting to feel screwed.

If instead of putting all of your $220k into that one CD, though, suppose you laddered your money instead. That is, instead of buying 1 CD you buy 4 CD's of varying lengths. For example, you put $55k into a 3 month CD paying 2.5%, another $55k into a 6 month CD paying 2.9%, another $55k into a 9 month CD paying 3.4%, and finally the final $55k into the 12 month CD paying 3.8%. Obviously, your not going to make as much money laddering as you would by putting all your money into one 12 month CD, but now what happens if interest rates start to rise.

Well, in 3 months the first CD matures so you invest the proceeds from that CD into a new 12 month CD paying 4.0%. In another 3 months the second CD matures and you invest the proceeds from that into a 12 month CD paying 4.2%. In another 3 months the third CD matures and you invest it into a 12 month CD, and in another 3 months the fourth CD matures and you invest it in another 12 month CD as well. As you can see, now instead of having all of your eggs in one basket, you've got a situation where every 3 months one of your CD matures and gets reinvested, allowing you to take advantage of rising interest rates.

Of course, interest rates can also fall, but by laddering you insure that as they fall at least some part of your investment is either at or above the current rate. That's the whole idea behind laddering, and this is just one simple example of how it can be done. By averaging your purchases over time, you guard against fluctuation.

So why do you need an online brokerage account to do that? You don't, but brokerage accounts make it much easier. I'll use Charles Schwab as an example, since that's the broker I use. You might not know it but Schwab isn't just about stocks and bonds, and in fact has a whole section of their website dedicated to CD's ( I'm pretty sure that Ameritrade and Etrade and all the others do as well). If you go to Schwab's CD page you'll see that they offer a list of CD's of different interest rates and maturities offered for sale.

To set up a ladder, all you do is search the maturity your looking for, compare the rates from the different banks, and press the "buy" button. There are no transaction costs involved because Schwab has an agreement with certain banks and the banks pay all the fees. In the above example, you could buy a 3 month CD from Bank A, a 6 month CD from Bank B, a 9 month CD from bank C, and a 12 month CD from bank D, which not only spreads out your interest rate risk but also keeps all your money fully FDIC insured if the individual CD's are with different banks and under the $100k limit.

So you see, there was no reason for that gentleman to lose the money he did. He could have gone online and laddered his CD's and saved himself a lot of grief. It's all about risk management, and I bet you there are a lot of people out there making all sorts of fancy trades who don't have a clue about simple cash investing. It's certainly not very sexy and your not going to sell a lot of copies of Money Magazine by putting CD Laddering on the cover, but with the way things are today and everybody ducking for cover it might not hurt to learn a little about the less glamorous side of investing.

Hope that was useful.

I Got My Acme Toaster

2008-07-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

The thing is, I'm an Acme guy. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but for some reason whatever Acme makes I gotta buy it. That's just who I am. People say, like, "Oh, he's just an Acme fanboy" and things like that, but I don't care. Acme makes the coolest stuff out there, that's all. It's not like someone buys a Samsung or a Sony and I say "Oh, he's just a total Sony fanboy" or something stupid like that. It's just that, for me, life really comes down to just three things - the times when Acme announces a new product, the times when Acme ships a new product, and then all the lonely, meaningless, hours in between.

So like I said, I'm an Acme guy, and this new Acme toaster is just so cool. All the Acme rumor sites were speculating about it last year, but when Acme finally announced it last spring's AcmePlanet conference it just blew everybody away. I mean, everyone knew it would have four slots and all that, but no one predicted it would have an automatic french toast feature. Man, that is awesome. None of the Acme rumor sites predicted that. Of course to make french toast you have to activate the toaster and buy this special Acme bread, and when you can't activate it you have to sign up for a monthly "Ac-ME" subscription, but that doesn't bother me. It's just a matter of time before someone figures out a way to hack the toaster to use regular Orowheat or Wonder Bread instead.

That didn't stop me from buying mine, at least. At first I was just going to go down to Walmart about 2 hours before they opened up and then stand in line, but I guess I started getting a little anxious so I decided to go down the week before and sleep on the sidewalk instead. Some people think that's weird, but, I dunno. I suppose on the scale of human achievement, camping out in front of the store just so I could be first to get an Acme toaster isn't really all that much. It's roughly equivalent to being the first one on the schoolbus just to get a seat by the window, but, I dunno, I just had to have one. You know?

But I got one now and it's so cool. I should probably do a review but I just got it so I haven't really used all the features yet. You can get them in white or stainless steel, and I got one of the stainless steel ones. What's so cool about it, though, is that it doesn't have any buttons. It's just got these lights on the side and you touch them whenever you need to do anything, like change modes or adjust the temperature or things like that. Even if you don't want to make any toast it's still fun just to play with the buttons.

What's kind of a drag, though, is that it uses this really weird cable to plug into the wall. You have to use this special adaptor that goes into the wall socket and then the cable plugs into the adaptor, and if you lose either the cable or the adaptor then you have to buy a totally new power kit from Acme. I think they cost like $40 too, so you gotta be careful not to lose it.

The french toast thing was cool too, but you have to activate your toaster before you can use it. That was kind of a pain. When I got home I tried to activate it, but Acme's servers were down. It took me like 3 hours before I finally got through, and then I had to download the code to my toaster and install it, and that took like another half-hour. Then when I finally got everything installed, I found out that I needed special Acme bread in order to make french toast. I'm going down to the Acme store tomorrow and pick some up and I'll let you know how it turns out. I don't like french toast all that much anyway.

That's all I've got so far. I don't think anyone else has got their toaster post up yet so I'm pretty sure I'm the first. I hope so. That would be killer. Either way I think I'll go take a shower now because, like dude, I've been sleeping on the sidewalk for a week, you know? After that, I dunno, maybe I'll play around with my toaster for a while and then check out the Acme sites to see if there are any new rumors. I'm just so stoked right now that I can't sleep. Maybe later. I can't wait to go into work tomorrow and show everybody my new toaster. That ought to be interesting for, I dunno,

five minutes.

Free-dumb-ah, Free-dumb-ah, Free-dumb-ah, Free-dumb-ah

2008-07-07T22:22:00.000-07:00

If this is global warming, then I'm opposed to it. So far we've got fire, drought, heat alerts, and pestilence and plague are probably just around the corner. That's here in California, of course, and it boggles the mind to think that the population experts are saying that if current population trends hold, the Bay Area alone can expect to see an increase of around 1 million new residents by the year 2050.

People, what are you thinking?

Ok, look, if you're going to move here then at least be prepared. I's say , at the minimum, you'll need a fire extinguisher, an earthquake survival kit, and lots and lots of bottled water. A good set of solar panels would also come in handy because I don't think we're going to have enough electricity to go around (nuclear works too).

As for myself, I'm a native, and as long as I've got some gas in my tank then I'll survive. Yeah, call it a case of Nero fiddlin' while California burns, but we've got so many natural disasters going on around here that a person just can't keep up. Better just to gas our tanks, fire up the engine, and go cruising.

Today was particularly bad. Seems a big, smelly high pressure system decided to park itself outside our door, and I'm telling ya' it must have been 900 degrees outside. The kind of day where everything gets frazzled - the people, the birds, and even the trees start getting droopy. I'll never forget it. This afternoon I saw a heat exhausted cat try to cross the street and get to some shade and it just broke my heart to hear his little paws start to sizzle as he stepped across the hot pavement.

Poor little kitty.

All you could see as after he made it across the road were the spots where his skin had blistered off and peeled, leaving little pawprints melted into the asphalt. (Sorry. I just made that up. No animlas were injured in the posting of this blog)

Well, I'm no poor little kitty and I'm no fool either, so when the furnace started heating up I did what any sane Californian would do. I went to the beach. Yeah sure, we had this "spare the air" alert in the valley and we weren't supposed to drive if we didn't have to, but c'mon. Besides, going to the beach gave me a chance to take my first long ride on my new bike. I say if you want clean air then move to the Himalayas - I'm going riding.

The bike is still 100% stock so I headed out without benefit of a windshield or a comfortable place to sit, but it was still a nice ride - about a hundred miles roundtrip. I don't really need a windshield to ride that far anyway, and the seat - well, what can I say about the seat. Let me put it this way.

It was about a 45 minute ride to Santa Cruz due to the road congestion. Unfortunately, about a quarter of million other people had the same idea I had and decided to make it a "beach day" too, so the traffic was a little heavy going over the mountain. It ended up taking me about 45 minutes, and by the time I got to Santa Cruz I felt like I just had a colonoscopy and the proctologist had left a couple of his instruments up there.

Why is that, you ask? Why don't motorcycle manufacturers put a decent seats on their bikes? Well, you're not the only one who wonders this very thing because I've read hundreds and hundreds of posts on the various motorcycle forums about this very same subject, and the consensus seems to be that uncomfortable stock motorcycle seats, like just about every other problem discussed on the internet, is part of a huge conspiracy. The theory among the uniformed is that motorcycle manufacturers recieve secret kickbacks from motorcycle accessory companies for each aftermarket motorcycle seat they sell. Thus, the crappier the stock seats, the more aftermarket seats they sell, and the more money the motorcycle manufacturers make down the road.

Well I've heard some wild conspiracy theories before, and all I can say is that before we all start jumping to conclusions we should look at the facts. Having no facts to look at, however, let me just say that I'm in total agreement. It's a conspiracy, dammit, and those aftermarket seats aren't cheap either.

Of course there are the dissenters, and I particularly remember this one post I read where the guy said "You're riding a motorcycle not sitting on your living room sofa. Get over it." (subtext: quit you're complaining you snively-nosed bunch of whiners). I guess it's reassuring to know that in this age of excess there's still a minimalist or two among us. Just give him a frame, an engine, a couple of wheels and set of handlebars and he's all set. Personally, whiner that I am, I'd add a comfortable place to sit into the mix as well.

Anyway, like I said it was around 900 degrees in the valley today, but the coast was a little cooler. Actually, a lot cooler. Actually, pretty frickin' cold, and there I was with nothing but my mesh riding jacket, my mesh gloves, tshirt, jeans and boots on. As soon as I got north of Santa Cruz the temperature dropped from 900 degrees above zero to about 20 below. Still, ever the adventurer I sallied on, even as my heart slowed and my arms went numb and frostbite started to tickle my toes. The proficient motorcyclist always comes prepared for changing weather conditions, the dumbass motorcyclist just freezes his butt off.

I managed to finish the ride, however, and I had my trusty little camerphone along for some quick snaps. This shot is from the cliffs above Pescadero beach looking south. Normally, the haze you see along this part of the coast would be the fog drifting in from the ocean, but this is not fog. It is the smoke from the California fires making it's way south. Over the next few days the weather people are expecting more and more of this smoke to settle into the Bay Area and across the state, so if you're planning on coming out to California any time soon you might want to throw a respirator or two into your overnight bag.

The bike ran like a dream. This road along this particular stretch of coast is officially called The Cabrillo Highway, but I don't know anyone who calls it that. In fact, if you asked any of the locals for directions on how to get to the Cabrillo Highway, I'm pretty sure they would punch you in the nose and ask "What did you call me?" Up here everyone just calls it Highway 1, and it's a very popular place to go biking (both motorized and non-motorized). I must have seen at least a couple dozen motorcycles go past in just the short stretch I rode - sportbikes, mostly, with just an occaisional hog. Lots of cars like to use the road too and you may even come across an RV or two along the way, but the really nice thing about Highway 1, besides the scenery and the open road, is that it's not very popular with the truckers. In fact, I didn't see a single one today, and that's always a good thing.

All in all, I had a great ride. Lots of butt breaks, but that's just the way it goes. Luckily there a lots of beaches along the way where you can stop and stretch your legs or do whatever you need to do. I'm including this last picture just so you can see some of the luxury accomodations you'll find as you pass down the highway. It's strange that travel writers hardly ever mention restroom facilities when they publish their travel guides, as if that's something no one ever thinks about. I mean, if you're taking a road trip then pitstops are an important consideration, aren't they? I know I think about them, and worry if none are around. Have you ever been travelling down an interstate and casually scanned the bushes along the side of the road wondering what would make a good stopping point in case of emergency? Or is that just me?

Art Sale

2008-07-03T00:23:00.000-07:00

The dilemma facing the modern blogger these days is to find a topic worth blogging about. The economy? Too depressing. The energy crisis? Too intractable. The elections? The voter's know who they are going to elect. Up and down the spectrum the issues of the day are simply too bleak to bear scrutiny, the challenges too daunting to believe that talk and wisdom alone can detour or delay their consequence. Isn't it the most compromising trait of leadership that leaders, failing to lead, make such a virtue of debate, as though a "healthy debate of the issues" were a fitting substitute for action. Let the bloggers debate the issues, Senators, and let yourselves get on with the conduct of affairs.

Anyway, I'm fresh out of solutions. Sorry. I hope that isn't why your reading me today. Did you come here for investment advice maybe? Well, I'll be damned if I know where you should invest your money. Stocks, bonds, real estate are all falling, interest on cash deposits is pitiful, and everyone keeps telling us that commodities are the place to be. Really? All I can say is that I have no clue why oil is trading at $145 a barrel, and I'd rather understand what I'm investing in rather than just throw my money in the pot because that's what everyone else is doing. The next time someone tells you to invest in commodities then ask them to explain the corn market to you, or the metals market, or the oil market or whatever, and not in general terms but in specific terms of risk and reward. After you hear their answer, then decide if you want to invest in commodities.

But I don't want to talk about that - it's too depressing. Let's talk about politics. Nah, wait, I don't really want to talk about that either. I want to talk about Bayreuth. I'm sure you must have seen this story come across the wires. In case you didn't, it looks like the Bayreuth festival has decided to go online this year, and in a surprising display of "not getting it" has decided to charge web audiences a mere $77.00 to watch to their live opening night webcast. According to the article, they hope this will attract new generations of opera goers.

Or...uh...maybe not.

Now before I offer my opinion on the subject let me just say that I think it's great that Bayreuth has decided to at least explore new media as a means to reach new audiences. I mean it's not like the festival is going to fail if they choose not to participate in the digital revolution. This is the Bayreuth Festspielhaus, for crying out loud - the house that Wagner built. According to Wikipedia, the Bayreuth festival has been sold out ever since it's first performance in 1876. Clearly, attendance is not a problem.

But the Bayreuth festival doesn't want to be left behind by the newer technologies, so they've decided to experiment with live streaming. Again, I think that's great, even though I'm not as worried as some that opera may be a dying art form. Sure, it's not as popular as it once was, but there are many successful opera houses all around the globe and audiences are still buying tickets to see performances of what is essentially a four hundred year old art form. If you think of all the cultural changes that have taken place over the last four centuries then you have to think that opera has enough staying power to outlast the digital revolution as well.

The key, of course, is new audiences, and that's really what this whole streaming thing is about. It's a great idea, but do they really think they're going to attract new audiences by charging $77.00 for the stream? Not likely. Not when you consider that on the web people expect to get things for free, and that today's teens or twenty-somethings are much more inclined to go to a peer-to-peer site and get a bootlegged copy of what they want (along with various viruses and worms and rootkits, etc...) than they to pay 77 bucks to watch to an opera. It's a good idea Bayreuth, but if you want to generate any buzz on the web you've got to give it away.

Then again I could be wrong, and if just one child is saved from a life of Christina Aguilera records then it will be worth the whole undertaking (pfffffftttt). Actually, I was trying to remember how I first got into opera and I really can't remember any one thing exactly, although I'm pretty sure I didn't have to shell out $77.00 for the experience.

For me, I think, I just got bored with rock and roll. At a certain point I just understood everything there was to understand about that music, and the experience started to go stale. So I started listening to jazz instead, and I liked it, but jazz rarely achieved the kind of artistic depth I was looking for. Jazz was more like a dozen or so real innovators, and 10,000 copycats all doing more or less the same thing.

My real musical epiphany didn't come until a few years later when I was flipping around the radio dial one night and happened upon something that just blew my mind. That was Mahler's Third Symphony and it changed my life. The arts can do that you know. Just look at any teenager and see the effects that a certain style of music can have on the way they act and the way they dress and just their whole cultural outlook. After hearing Mahler's Third for the first time I went out and bought the record and have been listening to classical music ever since. That's the absolute truth, and somewhere along the way opera entered the picture.

So who knows, maybe the Bayreuth webcast will change someone's elses life just as Mahler changed mine. I'm sure there are still plenty of kids out there who are hungering for a deeper musical experience than the three minute songs being served up on the radio or on Itunes, and maybe they'll be willing to spend the $77.00 to try something new. If not then perhaps Bayreuth will try again and maybe offer a free webcast instead. That would be good too. If so, then I'd suggest they try a different opera. Der Meistersinger is nice, but doesn't strike me as the Wagnerian opera that would appeal to a teenager. Teens would probably be more into something like Tannhauseur, with all that sin and redemption and death and stuff. Kids eat that up.

But it'll come, it'll come. Like I said, opera's been around for four hundred years, so I'm pretty sure it's going to stick around for a while, and who knows, maybe four hundred years from now they'll still be singing Christina Aguilera songs too.

Hey, it could happen.

I'm Just Wild About Saffron

2008-06-28T23:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I've just been gallivanting around, that's all. Not doing the things I should. Not bettering myself or making the world a better place to live. You know, just wasting my time, living the life of Riley, and not even bothering to check if I spelled "gallivanting" correctly.

Which reminds me. Did you see those kids on the National Spelling Bee? What was the point of all that? Was I supposed to be impressed by that? I watched that thing on TV and all I kept thinking was "Geez, don't these kids have computers? Don't they know how to use a spellchecker?" Well, apparently not, or why would they go to all the trouble of memorizing the dictionary. If you ask me, knowing how to spell some Latin medical term has nothing to do with wisdom or intellect or intelligence at all. It's just a bunch of rote memorization and scholastic drudgery, and completely pointless. Those poor kids. What future could they possibly have except as sorters and classifiers of data. They'll probably all end up as librarians or accountants or non-fiction writers or something. My God, is that what you want for your children?

(By the way, I'm a horrible speller)

But where was I...

Oh yeah, I was gallivanting around. You see, the thing is, I'm not being lazy. It's just that I got this new bike. You remember I've been riding around on that old GZ250 of mine? (You do? Why?) Well, I'd had the GZ for about a year, and I decided it was time for an upgrade. I know I said I was gallivanting, but what I've actually been doing is motorcycle shopping. A lot of motorcycle shopping, in fact.

Wait a minute, maybe I should back up a bit.

If you have been down to your motorcycle dealership lately, let me fill you in on what's been going on. As some of you may have heard, there's been this thing happening with the price of gasoline. Namely, it's been going through the roof - four bucks a gallon in most places, four-and-a-half bucks here in California. Of course, with prices like that you'd expect a lot of people to be scrambling for some other means of transportation. Some are looking at hybrids, some are looking at bicycles, and some, it turns out, are looking at motorcycles. Particularly the little ones that get 60-100 miles per gallon. So now dealers, who a year ago couldn't give away scooters and motorcycles, are finding their showrooms full of people and their inventory of little bikes all but depleted.

I went to one dealer up in Hayward and literally had to drive around the parking lot waiting for someone to leave before I could find a place to park. It was like the Saturday before Christmas. Sure, there are still plenty of people looking for a sportbike or cruiser, but it seemed like every salesman I talked to said the same thing - "we can't keep the scooters in stock", and just driving around town I'm noticing more and more people tooling around on their Vespas and Piaggios and Burgmans and whatever.

Man, it's great. I love it. Instead of guzzling gas in their SUV's, people are actually starting to discover the joy of motorcycling. They're getting out of their motorized living rooms and starting to enjoy a little sunshine and fresh air (okay, fresh air/exhaust fumes). I've been seeing what's happening and figured now would be a pretty good time to trade in my little GZ because, believe me, dealers want 'em. In fact, as I was driving out of the lot after I bought my new bike there were already two people talking to the salesman about buying the bike I just traded in an hour before. Damn, I should have put the thing on Craigslist and sold it for full price instead of trading it in, but then I hate dealing with crazy people who answer ads on Craigslist.

Anyway, it was a good time to trade in and I got a good deal and that's why I'm happily gallivanting around on my brand new, 2008 Suzuki Bumblebee. That's not the official title, mind you, but that's what people are calling them. The official moniker is a Suzuki Boulevard M50. The "Boulevard" part means it's a cruiser, the "M" means it's a so-called "muscle cruiser", the the "50" means it has a 50 cubic inch engine (around 800 cc). They call them Bumblebees because they're painted black and yellow and they look like...well, you know.

Well, not all the M50's are painted black and yellow. Most are painted either all black or black and silver, but I didn't want one of those. I wanted one of the Bumblebees, and when I walked into a showroom and saw they had one, that pretty much cinched the deal. It was pretty cool too because after I'd signed the papers a couple of other people walked in and saw my bike sitting in the showroom and started asking a lot of interested questions about it. Huh, sorry, too late. That bike is mine, sucka! One lady who was in there with her son saw them wheeling my bike out the door to get prepped and the strangest expression came over her face like "the hell with shopping for my son. I want to buy me one of those."

Ah, it was a great look. Made me feel good, you know, and when I drove it home I just kept getting the kinds of looks I never got when I was riding around on my GZ. A couple of guys on Harleys even gave me the little motorcyclist's wave when I passed by. That was really strange. I never had that happen before. I always got the impression that HD guys are a bit cliquish and tend to look down their noses at metrics, but maybe they just look down their noses at guys riding GZ's.

Either way, it was a proud ride home. Here's a picture of a Bumblebee so you can see what they look like, although I don't think it's a very good picture. It's not my Bumblebee. It's just a stock photo, but you get the idea. I know looks are subjective, but I like it, and so far it's proven to be quite an attention getter. Especially for a stock cruiser, and especially at this price level.

But how does it ride? I would say it's a big bike that rides "small", except that it's not really a "big" bike. It's strictly midrange with a nice little electronically fuel-injected, liquid cooled V twin that puts out about 45 horsepower and pushes it's 544 pound dry weight through a shaft-driven final drive. It's no sportbike, but it's got more than enough power to get me around town and up and down the freeway. I don't know it's top speed because I don't drive like a maniac, but 70-75 on the freeway comes solid and easy with lots of throttle left if I need it. Running through the curves or putt-putting around the parking lot feels light and nimble, yet it still has enough weight to feel steady in crosswinds and freeway turbulence. All in all, it's a nice midrange ride that may not win a stoplight drag race against a Hayabusa, but feels just about perfect for normal day-to-day riding or a Sunday cruise to the beach.

On the downside the seat sucks, but then I'm getting the impression that all stock motorcycle seats suck. Luckily, there are plenty of aftermarket options out there and I'll probably be looking into one of those. Other than that I've got no complaints. Pricewise, the M50 is about $300 more than the Harley Sportster 883XL, but when you compare features they are really pretty comparable. My bet is that if someone ever does a side-by-side comparison of the two, the M50 will come out on top, but who am I to say. All I want to do is fire up the engine and do some gallivanting.

See you later, sucka.

Class of Aught '08

2008-06-12T02:37:00.000-07:00

Are you like me? Are you sitting around on a balmy June night and thinking about John Glenn? Yeah, it's strange how we're both thinking the same thing, isn't it? What do you remember about John Glenn? Hmmm..., really? Yeah, I remember that, but I was thinking about something else.

I was remembering being a little kid standing in the backyard looking up at the sky and hoping to see John Glenn as he passed over our house. You see, my dad told me that Glenn was in a spaceship that was circling around the earth, so naturally I thought I'd be able to just look up in the sky and see this big spaceship flying by. Unfortunately, it never happened. I stood there for about 5 minutes and when I didn't see anything I just figured that my dad didn't know what he was talking about (and not the last time I'd come to that conclusion, especially as I got older).

That all happened back in 1962, and for the 50%, 60%, or 70% of the current population that wasn't alive back then (I don't know the exact figure), turns out my dad was right and Glenn did orbit the earth a few times. Then, a few years later, we landed a man on the moon and all that other stuff you were probably taught back in grade school.

It was an exciting time, especially for us Americans, and there was this feeling in the air that the future was ours and there was nothing we couldn't do if we were determined to get it done. Now, for some reason, that feeling seems to have gone away. I'm not exactly sure where it went, but sometimes if feels like that America, the America that went to space, is gone forever.

But is it? Let me ask you. Do still feel that American technology is leading the world? Is that how most Americans feel, or do we look at European cars and Asian electronics and wonder why it is we can't build stuff like that? Do Americans really "buy American" because we think American technology is better, or rather out of a sense of duty.

Yep, we landed a man on the moon alright, yet the best we can do these days is build a phone with a built-in gps that can help us find the nearest Starbucks. It was our father's and our grandfather's who united the world, at least symbolically, by extending man's grasp and reaching out into space, and now it is our generation that has found a way to look really cool around the office or at the airport. Doesn't seem the same, does it?

Sure, we've got probes and shuttles and we're building a space station, but that's just adding to the accomplishments of the past - the ground that's already been broken. It' the new frontiers we seem unable to conquer and the new challenges we seem unable to meet. How does America respond to global warming and tight fuel supplies? Why, we pass a new tax on oil companies that's how. That'll solve the problem.

You know back in the sixties a President once asked us to "pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship." How different that is from the leaders of today who only ask "if we stick it to the oil companies will you vote for us in November?" That's the kind of bold vision we get now, and instead of Walter Cronkite giving us the latest news on America's space program, we get Katie Couric giving us the closing numbers from the stock exchanges and the latest housing news. Seems we've replaced the "building of things" with the "moving money of things", and, after all, isn't that really more about being clever than being good.

I'm going to my niece's high school graduation tonight, and I'm sure the speeches will go on and on and talk about how our children are our future, which kind of goes without saying if you ask me. What I'd be more interested in hearing is what these bright young grads are really thinking about as they look down from the stage at the people sitting in the audience? I think if they've got any sense at all they'll look at us, the so-called "boomer" generation, and think "what have you done with your lives that entitles you to give us, or anyone else for that matter, any advice about the anything. Sure, you've gotten fat and rich, but look at this country you're now turning over to us. Can you honestly say that it a better country now than the country your parents left to you?"

Well, yeah, in some ways it's much better, and in some ways it's a lot worse. All I can tell you kid is that we did what we could, but we let ourselves get down on ourselves and we left a lot undone. What can I say? We got busy and so wrapped up in our own little differences that we just sort of lost sight of the big picture. I know it's not fair, but you're just going to have to deal with that.

And that doesn't mean we still can't give advice. For example, if I were you I'd start by reforming the political system. No matter what there is that needs to get done, our experience has proved that nothing gets done when you have a dysfunctional government. It doesn't matter how vital or necessary the need for action, if responsibility can be shirked and blame placed on the other party then your government will rest proudly upon it's laurels. Maybe that's our fault for letting our focus become too partisan and narrow. Maybe we would have done better had we not elected so many ideologues and figureheads. The bottom line is that voter apathy eventually leads to Administrations and Congresses incapable of dealing with anything more complex than looking good on the evening news.

All I can say is what's done is done, and our generations legacy to you is a government of itself, by itself and for itself. If you can manage somehow to pick up the pieces and make it whole again, and if you succeed in nothing else, then your generation will have accomplished more than we. Other than that, my only other advice would be to just do what we did - live beyond your means, watch too much TV, drive your kids crazy, and most of all -

enjoy your new Iphones.

For A Change

2008-06-05T00:58:00.001-07:00

After being ignored all these years, it looks like the chickens have finally come home to roost. Always too moderate to be "true" conservatives and too grounded to be "true" liberals, the independents will get to have their say in 2008, and not be forced to choose between a bible-thumping Republican or a matronly Democrat as we have in the past. This time, it seems like both sides may come a-courting.

I'm not sure why. It seems like the Democrats would have to shoot themselves in both feet, and both hands and all twenty fingers and toes as well, to lose the presidential election this time, but then these are. Maybe they need us because both of these candidates seem to at least have some passing acquaintance with the middle-of-the-road moderate types, and are each unwillingly to cede their vote to the other.

Being the independent type myself, I'm glad for their attention and happy that this election seems to promise some interesting changes. That's why I was watching the Obama speech last night, and I have to say he gave a hell of a speech. He's definitely got the gift of oratory and, you know, he kind of reminds me of those other two great Democratic orator presidents from Illinois - Stephen Douglas and William Jennings Bryan.

Problem is, despite all his speechifying, I'm never quite sure if Obama really understands the implications of all he's promising to deliver or if he's just playing us. For some reason I just kept thinking "if this guy hadn't decided to go into politics he would have made a great mortgage broker." You know, promising people that they could have the house of their dreams right now for no money down and low, low payments for the first 5 years. Yeah, sounds great, until your 5 years are up.

McCain, on the other hand, well...who knows. I always liked the antecampaign McCain, the fiscally responsible one who was strong on defense and sensible on immigration, but this new McCain sees to be drifting more and more towards that same old Republicanism that seems to be is such good favor around the country these days. If I were him I'd just run as myself, but then I never claimed to know anything about political campaigns. I guess the thing to do is solidify your base and then try to win the votes of independently minded people like me.

The unfortunate thing for McCain, of course, is that the surge in Iraq seems to be working - not spectacularly, mind you, but steadily in the right direction. You'd think that would be a good thing for both McCain and the country, but I don't think the country (and particularly the Democrats) really want the surge to work right now. At least it seems that way because the only time the Iraq War ever makes the news is when an American dies or somebody blows themselves up. The rest of the time the war is back there on page A33 next to the liposuction ads. For some reason only defeat and setback make the news. Success just seems to stick in our craw. It's almost like this war isn't even our war anyway. Nope, it's Bush's war, and we've got nothing to do with it. Hell, it'd probably serve Bush and Cheney and all those other warmongers right if we got the hell kicked out of us, and doesn't it just piss us off when things start to go right.

Funny how things can get turned around like that sometimes. Ever see The Bridge on the River Kwai?

Well, the war is a whole different topic and I don't want to get into it right now. All I'm saying is that either way the war is a no-win situation for McCain. If America makes some progress in Iraq, it's not news. If America suffers a reversal, then the headlines make him look blustering and misguided. Personally, I think foreign policy under McCain will look more like Bush I then Bush II, but that's neither here nor there because in the end reality will settle in and Obama foreign policy won't be much different either. I could be wrong of course. Obama is pretty liberal and if he's anything like the liberals we have around San Francisco then that would be something to worry about. I tell you what. If Obama's first acts as president are to disband the military, raise tariffs and turn the Pentagon into a big homeless shelter, then we'll know just how liberal he really is.

(then everyone around the world will join hands and sing folk songs and form a giant human chain for peace)

Anyway, did you catch that reference to education in the Obama speech. I think it went something like "more money." Now wasn't it just yesterday that we got some report telling us that America ranks number 2 in the world in per pupil eduction spending? Was I just dreaming that? No, it was the 2003 Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development study that found that although America trails only South Korea among the industrialized nations in per pupil education spending, it continues to decline and rank near the middle in student performance. Remember that report? The one that the education establishment dismissed as flawed for failing to take into account America's diverse student population (it must be all those Asian immigrants who are dragging America's ranking down)?

Yeah, you remember it because it got a lot of people wondering why it is we spend all this money on schools for such meager results. In a way it's kind of what the whole "No Child Left Behind" movement was all about. That is, instead of just shoveling more money into our schools, why not ask them to be accountable in some way for the results they achieve? If I understand Obama correctly, we're going to scrap that idea and just start dealing out the dough.

If I were going to ask Obama a question then I'd ask him what he thinks of merit pay for teachers. I know what his response would be. He'd be opposed to it. Why? Because the teacher's unions are opposed to it, that's why. The idea that good teachers should be paid more than bad ones is anathema to teachers. Their position has always been that it's unfair to punish teachers if their students aren't learning to read and write and do math. It's a thankless job and all teachers should be paid more, regardless if they are any good or not.

To their credit, the teacher's unions have been very effective in getting parents and the public to buy into this concept, and you don't have to look very hard to see the results. You ever hear parent's talk about teachers? Why it's a wonder that the Pope doesn't canonize the whole lot of them when you hear parents talk about them. "Why Mrs. Jones is so wonderful and dedicated and committed and selfless and never receives any thanks from anyone for all the sacrifices she makes. My little Suzie just loves her and has learned so much, and I don't mind a bit that she's still reading at 4 years below grade level." Well, instead of putting them on pedestals maybe some parents should start being a little more critical and demanding. Sure, there are lots of good teachers. I was a student once, you know, and I had some good teachers, and some real clunkers too. So why not reward the good ones and get rid of the bad? Why shouldn't teachers be accountable to the taxpayers for their job performance? How do you feel about merit pay for teachers, Obama? That's what I'd like to know.

And my question for McCain? Why not universal health coverage? Why not join the rest of the advanced nations of the world and declare health care a basic human right? No, just don't dismiss it as "big government". That doesn't answer the question. What do you do if a major illness strikes and you don't have insurance or your insurance isn't adequate to cover the expenses or if the insurance company declines coverage? What do you do if you can't pay for that expensive operation or if your insurance company won't pay for it? Are you supposed to be comforted by the knowledge that somewhere there are shareholders who can take comfort knowing their United Healthcare dividend is safe? Tell me Senator McCain, why is universal healthcare really so awful?

Questions, questions...sure voting's easy when all you have to know is the red from the blue, but we independents have some questions.

Leafless Desert of the Mind

2008-05-27T23:51:00.000-07:00

It's all about celebrity, isn't it? Politics, I mean. This whole idea that people evaluate the candidate's stand on the issues before making their decision is a lot of bunk, if you ask me. I don't even buy the notion that it's the media's fault for obsessing over the "horse race" to the detriment of the voter's "need to know". More bunk. If voters cared about issues then that's what the news broadcasts and newspapers would cover.

People care about celebrities - film celebrities, music celebrities, sports celebrities, and even political celebrities. We want to know is who's hot and who's not, hence the horse race that people complain about. Yeah I know, what other earth-shattering revelations have I got for you tonight.

Well, the only reason I'm broaching the topic is precisely because of all this issues stuff - you know, health care, taxes, gasoline, the War - what the younger generation would call "boring, old-people" news. That's what they call it - I heard it on a podcast. According to the guy on the podcast, what the youth of today wants is "fun" news, which, when you think about it, is really all that anybody wants from their news reports, isn't it? The youth of today is no different than anyone else in that regard, just more honest.

Think about it. What made JFK so special? He was fun. Ronald Reagan? Always cracking with the jokes. Richard Nixon? Well, he was just no fun at all. So with that in mind, I thought I'd turn my attention to our current candidates and ask the question I'm sure is on everybody's mind -

"If life was an opera, what operatic character would our candidates be?"

Great question, and lucky for you I've got a few ideas. First let's look at John McCain. Although the Democrats would probably cast him as Mephistopheles, I think that's going a bit far. Dick Cheney, maybe, but not John McCain. McCain is more like Don Carlo, I think. A bravado character, full of loyalty, brotherhood and gusto, a "man's man" with a strong sense of righteousness. That sounds more like McCain, although the part about being in love with his stepmother is probably a stretch. Other than that though, I'd say McCain is definitely the Don Carlo type. Dio, che nell'alma infondere!

Okay, how about Obama? Well, that seems pretty obvious. The callow youth who turns away from evil and returns with the holy spear to heal our nation's wounds and bring redemption and salvation to a destitute and forlorn. Obama is Parsifal, my friends, come back to us to reveal the grail and restore all hope and purpose. The prophets told us of his coming, and now the prophecy's come true. Yes indeed, and this is the decision we must make. Will we choose the strength of Don Carlo, or the innocent virtue of Parsifal? Well, I don't want to spoil the election but if you've seen the operas then you know who became king, and who was summoned to the tomb. Geez, let's hope the drama doesn't get that intense.

But enough politics. We haven't even had the conventions yet and I'm already sick of this election. Can you believe they've been campaigning since last year and it's still going on? It's worse than the Academy Awards.

Well, anyway, not to change the subject but I was watching the TV the other night and they've got this show on called Nature. I don't know if you've seen it. It's one of those wildlife shows, you know, with the pretty sunsets and the telescopic slo-mo's of animals bonding and frolicking in their struggle for survival out in the great untamed wilderness.

I'll admit I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff, and this particular show was called "What does the female want?", the premise being that by studying the mating rituals of the animal world we can come to a better understanding of our own natures. At least I think that's what the premise was, and it all seemed more than a little bit ridiculous to me. Think about it. Is there a single human on this planet who can relate to a concept like that? Of course not, and these biologists and zoologists are fools if they think we can. The important question for the human species, and trust me on this all of you scientist people, has never been what does the female want, but rather what will the female settle for. If the male human spent all his energy self-consciously trying to be everything that the female human wants him to be, there would be nothing but a bunch of desperate, defeated males and hopelessly disappointed females left to carry on the species. Then again, that does kind of sound like some marriages I've seen.

So, like I said, I'm watching this show and there's some lady putting a stuffed female wood grouse on a little train and wheeling it in front of a male wood grouse to see what the male will do, and the male wood grouse starts calling and strutting because he's hard up and doesn't know the female wood grouse is a fake. When I saw that I just thought "So what?. What is that supposed to teach us?" I mean, if you bought an inflatable human female doll and put it in front of a lovesick human male, you'd get pretty much the same result, wouldn't you? Well he might not buy it a drink or ask it to dance, but he might try to mate with it.

Anyway, the whole show was like this, and it was late and I started to nod off, and then suddenly I woke up and looked at the TV and found myself looking at a video of two spiders, well, you know...you know. I mean they were doing it right there on my TV, and I'm thinking "Is this what I've been reduced to? Is this what we've all been reduced to? We've split the atom, we've mapped the genome, we've walked upon the surface of the moon, and now we have nothing better to do with our science that watch a couple of spiders exchange genes?"

People, what is wrong with us? That's what I'm trying to say. Is there nothing left to ponder? Are we so sophisticated and advanced that the universe lost it's wonder? Are our celebrities all we have left to inspire and excite us? Do they alone matter, because without them all we can do is sit around and watch spiders ----? \\

The keenest pangs the wretched find
Are rapture to the dreary void,
The leafless desert of the mind,
The waste of feelings unemployed.

-Byron

Opus 1 No. 2

2008-05-26T00:22:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gotten a song in your head that you just can't get rid of? All day yesterday I kept hearing this old Neil Young song rattling around my brain, so instead of letting it drive me crazy I decided to sit down at my computer and record it instead. For those of you keeping score, this is now exactly my second computer music project, and although the bar was set pretty low by the first one, I think little by little I'm getting the hang of it.

Like I said it's an old Neil Young song, and I even recorded some vocals. Unfortunately they're my vocals. It's a shame, too, because except for my off-key warble it's not that bad of a mix. However, if I may plead my case, let me just say that anyone who's ever heard Neil Young sing shouldn't be so quick to judge. How much worse could my singing be than Neil Young's? Take a listen and you'll find out.

The mix itself is a whopping 9 tracks and I created eight of them myself, the exception being the ocean waves track that I pilfered from Garageband's built-in library. Other than that there are 3 keyboard tracks, 3 guitar tracks, 1 vocal track and 1 drum track. Once again the drum track was a big headache, and I now understand why so many internet drummers farm-out their work to people willing to pay to get their mixes right. Believe me, the beginner soon learns that nothing will ruin a mix faster than bad drums. Take a listen and you'll find out.

So there you have it. I'm not posting this to prove what a great musical genius I am. Rather, I post it as a public service to those of you who would like to try to record your own music but feel intimidated by some of the really good stuff that others are doing. After just one listen to this song I'm sure you'll soon rest easy and think to yourself "Geez, I can come up with something better than that piece of crap."

And indeed you can. The song is called Midnight On The Bay and Neil Young released it at least 25 or 30 years ago. I apologize for the vocals but that David Cook guy was busy doing American Idol, so I had to step in.

Midnight On The Bay

He's a One Man Band

2008-05-23T00:49:00.000-07:00

Yes. After much fiddling around I finally managed to accomplish something with Garageband. That's the music software that ships with the Apple Macintosh, and yeah, I know, it's so easy anyone can use it, but let me remind you of a couple of things: First, I'm an old guy and I've never used a sequencer before, and second, I put my guitar down for about 25 years before picking it up again a couple of years ago and I'm still a little rusty. So cut me some slack dude, and quit harshing my buzz.

Anyway, the file is down below, and frankly it sucks. That said, I created all four of the tracks myself, so I'm feeling pretty proud of it. There's a rhythm guitar track (that was easy), there's a keyboard part (nothing fancy so that was easy too), a drum part (that was impossible. I had to turn the mix down real low on that one), and finally a screeching lead guitar part that I must apologize for. I guess I was so concerned that I had the other three parts right that I sort of let that one get away from me.

But there it is. It definitely needs tightening and some vocals, but it's my firstborn and I wanted to share it with the world, even if it is a little premature. As long as you don't expect too much and are cool with the fact that I really put the "ham" in "hamateur" on this one, you just might be able to sit through it. Either way, I don't care. I'm just so stoked on this whole home studio revolution that I can't wait to try out all kinds of new things.

The song is the classic Elmore James tune "Stormy Monday", but there are no vocals so you'd never know it. Like I said, I'm gonna try to add some vocals and redo the lead guitar so it's not running all over the place, and then maybe I'll have somethng really worth uploading. Until then, here goes...

Story Monday Jam

They call it stormy Monday, but Tuesday's just as bad
They call it stormy Monday, but Tuesday's just as bad
And Lord Wednesday's wasted, Thursday's all so sad.

The eagle flies on Friday, and Saturday I go out to play
The eagle flies on Friday, and Saturday I go out to play
On Sunday's I go to church, and I kneel down to pray

Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy on me
Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy on me
I've been trying, trying to find my baby, won't somebody send her home to me

Attack of the Pinnipeds

2008-05-15T21:07:00.000-07:00

In keeping with the local tourist theme, here are some pics from my trip to see the elephant seals at Ano Nuevo State Park. I bring you the sights, the sounds, but thankfully not the smells. Should you go? Well, if the sight of blubber on the beach flips your switch, then go for it.

The California coast and wildflowers as seen from Ano Nuevo

When they're not lying around, elephant seals like to fight. Here are two males getting it on.

With cuties like this around, it's no wonder that the boys have got their dander up. Those lips, those eyes - she's the belle of the beach.

Tragedy strikes. A dead pup lies belly up in the sand.

Look real hard and you'll see a lone seal has staked a claim to this part of the beach - far, far from the madding crowd.

Boys! Boys! All this fighting. You're acting like a bunch of Democrats.

But fighting's not for this little guy. Ahhhhh...he's so cute.

Finally, a couple of videos. They were right side up when I uploaded them, but for some reason Youtube turned them on their side. Well, you get the idea.

I Think I'm Paranoid

2008-05-14T22:38:00.000-07:00

Just when everyone was ready to write off the consumer, we come through again. No matter how high gas prices go or how low home prices sink, Americans just want to go shopping. At least that's what the numbers say, and we all know the numbers never lie.

The numbers were brought home to me the other day when I went for a ride through the tony town of Woodside, California. Woodside is a small town up in the redwoods and is home to many of valley's well-to-do, like Gordon Moore and Larry Ellison as well as Michelle Pfeiffer, Neil Young and others. So here we are with gas predicted to reach $5.00 or more per gallon, and yet judging by the number of SUV's on the road you'd never know that gas prices were putting a dent in anyone's wallet up in Woodside. The local gas station had regular on sale for $4.15 per gallon, which had to put the price of a filling up one of those behemoths somewhere north of $100.00 per tankful, yet no one seemed distressed at all. In fact, riding through town felt like riding in the middle of the Russian May Day parade with all the tanks and heavy armor rolling down the street.

Which just goes to prove the point that the price of gas really only affects the poor and middle class. The rich could care less, and if it were practical to take a Lear jet from their front door to the grocery store I'm sure they'd do it, and not think twice about the waste. I guess that's the whole point of being rich, isn't it? You get to tell the whole world to piss off, and there's nothing they can do about it.

So anyway, I'm at this coffee shop called Peet's (you probably have them where you live) and I'm sipping a cappucino and just sort of browsing around the store, when I see this thing called a "double wall tea infuser". So naturally I think to myself "what the hell is a double wall tea infuser?", but instead of asking someone I just opened the box and took a look inside. You know what? It turns out a double wall tea infuser is nothing more than a glass cup with a little basket inside.

Now back in the old days we had these little tea baskets too, only we called them "strainers", and you could pick one up for about 50 cents at the local five and dime. But now, as if to prove the point that people wll buy anything as long as it's "scientific", Peet's is taking a cup and a strainer, repackaging them as "double walled tea infuser's" and selling them to poor unsuspecting suckers for 30 bucks a pop.

Geez, why didn't I think of that?

Of course they're not selling them to suckers, they're selling them to all of those tea gourmet's out there, and I'm sure these people will passionately insist that to make a really proper cup of tea you simply must use a high quality infuser. In fact, I bet some of these people look down their noses at Peet's double walled tea infusers and insist that "authentic" infusers come from England or Italy or something like that, and have to be imported and cost hundreds of dollars. I bet there are people like that. I bet you've met people like that. They live in places like Woodside and drive SUV"s.

Well, all I can say to those people is that I grew up in a Japanese household and probably a day never went by that my Japanese mother didn't make at least one pot of tea, and in all that time I don't ever remember her once asking me to go to the cupboard and fetch her a tea infuser. When mom made tea it was a very simple process. She took some tea leaves out of the can and put them in the teapot, poured in some boiling water, let it steep for about 5 minutes or so, and then poured it into a cup. I swear, as God is my witness, there was no infusion involved.

And after all, what's the big deal? It's just tea. I drank the stuff all the time when I was growing up and it's really no big deal. You find a way to make it the way you like it and that's about all there is to tea. It's not that complicated, people. But of course nowdays everyone has to take things so seriously and be so scientific about everything. They have to buy tea books and take tea classes and learn about all the different tea varieties and have tea tastings and take tea notes and subscribe to tea magazines and then, I don't know, write a thesis or pass a tea test or something.

Ah, the world makes me crazy sometimes. It's just tea. You don't need "double walled tea infusers". Sheesh, what's next?

How about this. In San Jose there used to be a bowling alley called Fiesta Lanes. It was down on San Carlos Street and was in a shopping center next to one of the cities older suburuban neighborhoods. Well, as luck would have it there came a day when bowling wasn't as popular as it used to be, and a few years ago Fiesta Lanes shut down. The city was left with an empty lot and a derelict old building, and needed to find something to fill the space.

Not a problem because at that time the city (and the entire country) found itself in the middle of a wildly speculative real estate boom, and so it was decided to develop the property and build some high density housing on the site, with the stipulation that some of the housing units be set aside as BMR (below market rate) properties. The developer agreed and soon the construction began.

Seems perfectly reasonable so far, except for one thing: they forgot to ask the neighbors. Right from the beginning the project was beset by complaints from neighboring homeowners concerned about the noise created by the construction and the congestion that would result from building a high density project in their backyard, so to speak. Finally, last week things really came to a head when the developer sent letters to some of the neighbors informing them that, according to a recently completed survey, their properties were encroaching onto the developer's lands, some by as much as ten feet.

Well, the story made it into the local paper, and the only reason I'm mentioning it here tonight is because of what the locals said to the reporter who went out to get community reaction for his article. Sure, they were upset that the developer was threatening to tear down fences and take some of their property, but what really incensed people about the whole project was the "ghettoization of their neighborhood."

Remember those BMR units that the developer agreed to provide? Well, it seems the neighbors are afraid that BMR means that the wrong element (latinos, probably) would be moving into their neighborhood and bringing the criminal element with them. That's not surprising. Let's face it, there's a reason why cities build low income housing projects next to the freeway or the railyards and not in Malibu or Central Park West. It's called NIMBY.

The funny thing, though, wasn't the worried neighbors. It was finding out what qualifies as BMR in Silicon Valley. Mind you, out here a million dollar house is considered a fixer-upper and homebuyers don't think twice about writing a check to pay for that 5 or 6 million dollar home up in the hills, but when I found out that the BMR's that the developer was building would be selling for $500k, I had to shake my head and do a double-take. Only in Silicon Valley would a half of a million dollars to buy you a "ghetto" unit. Can you just imagine how destitute the poor unfortunates must be who can only manage 500 grand for a roof over their heads? And the children, the children...

All I can say is if you're planning to move out here, and it seems like plenty of people are, you better bring water (drought), insurance (earthquake, fire, flood), and lots and lots of cash.

Oh, and your SUV, of course.

Meet John Doe

2008-05-08T15:49:00.000-07:00

As awful as it was to see Eight Bells break her ankles at the Kentucky Derby and then have to be euthanized right there on the track, I think the audience can at least take some comfort in knowing that things didn't turn out all bad for the young philly - at least she will be spared the agony of another month of Democratic primaries. Praise thee our Lord, thou art a most merciful God.

Not that I mean to demean the political process, mind you - the debating of issues, the arguing of positions, the constant probing of character - each candidate standing before the American people and presenting the qualities that prove their worthiness to command the ship of government. Democracy is truly a remarkable thing. However, enough is enough. After months and months of probing and all the "he said, she said", is there really anything left to say that hasn't been said already?

What's really frightening, though, and what I simply cannot understand is that even after all this time there are still some Democratic voters who are undecided. Can you believe that? Day after day, week after week, month after month, and you're still undecided? Do you really think that there is stilll something we don't know about these candidates that is going to tip your vote one way or the other? Personally, I think anyone who's still undecided after a year and a half of campaigning should be disqualified from voting. Period.

"Pardon me, are you a registered Democrat?"

"Yes I am."

"Are you planning to vote in the upcoming primary?"

"Yes I am."

"Great. Do you mind if I ask which candidate do you intend to vote for?"

"Well, I'm not sure. I'm still undecided."

"YOUR WHAT! After all this time? What the hell could you possibly not know about these candidates that hasn't been gone over at least a hundred times before?"

"Well, I'd like to hear their positions on inner city weed whacking and Burundian prison reform. The media's just been ignoring those issues."

"Really? You think the media hasn't reported just about every nuance and facet of these campaings till you're sick of hearing about it? Till you want to tear out your hair and scream? Till you want to grab some reporter by the throat and say 'can we just get on to the election already'?"

"You know I think they'd both make a good President, but..I don't know. I like Clinton, but then I like Obama too."

"You can't decide?"

"I don't know. I think I can decide."

"Ok, that does it. I'm gonna have to revoke your voting priveleges. A year and half and you still can't decide? That's unacceptable. Come with me, please. Did you bring a coat?"

"You know I wasn't sure if I should bring a coat today or not. I was wondering 'Is it going to be too hot for a coat, or if I don't bring one will it be too cold? Should I even bother coming down here today or should I just watch the election on TV? If I do come down here and bring a coat will I be sorry I did? Should I just wait at home to see what the weather's like and then decide if I should bring a coat or not? And if I wait at home then shouldn't I just watch it on TV and not worry about whether to bring a coat or not. Or maybe, if I don't have a coat and it's too cold then could I then go back home and watch it on TV? Would it better to bring a sweater instead? That way it wouldn't be heavy like a coat if it's too hot, but still enough to keep me warm if it's too cold. And if I stay home I could still wear a sweater in the house and that way if it's too cold I won't have to run the furnace but if it's too hot I...'"

"I swear to God. If you don't stop right now I'm going to put down this microphone and beat you up."

"What (hmmph)?"

"People like you have no business in the voting booth. You hear me? We've been at it for 15 months and you still can't make up your mind? That's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. That's it. I'm having you removed from the voting rolls. The American people can only wait so long for people like you to get a clue, and then it's time to move on. I know that's sounds harsh, but unless someone comes to a decision around here this election will never end."

"I can make up my mind, I just need more time, that's all."

"No. No more time. Time's up. Who's it gonna be?"

"Can't we have just one more debate?"

"No. No more debates."

"Isn't there any more dirt we can dig up? Have we checked out all the friends and family members?"

"No. No more dirt. Decide."

"Uh...um...er...oh, I can't. I can't. It's not fair. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings."

"In politics there are always going to be losers. Now decide."

"I can't. I can't I tell you. You decide for me."

"I can't decide for you. You're the one who has to mark the ballot."

"Well, who does everyone else like?"

"Right now it looks like Obama's in the lead."

"Ok, then I'll do that, I guess. He's going to win anyways, right?"

"So that's it. You're no longer undecided?"

"No. I'll vote for Obama."

"Great. The voting booth is right over there."

"Oh, do I have to vote right now? Can't I go later?"

"No, you have to vote right now."

"But what if I vote for Obama and then decide I really like Clinton better. Shouldn't I wait until I..."

"Hey Tom. You mind coming over here a moment and holding this microphone for me."

Just Kickin' It

2008-05-05T22:36:00.000-07:00

They want four bucks a gallon for gas, the security lines at the airport are moving slower and slower, the planes are all full of passengers and running late, and the trains...the trains? Sorry, I live in California, and we don't do trains. I really admire all of you road warriors out there, but I don't need the hassle and I can't afford the gas, so the only thing left to do is go local.

Luckily, there are lots of local sites to see out where I live. You know, beaches, redwoods, mountains, theaters and restaurants and all that. Today I decided to play local tourist and put up a quick little post, but instead of writing about the major attractions I decided I'd focus on a couple of local ones instead. So, I packed my little cameraphone in my pocket and off I went.

The first stop was the local gas station for a couple of gallons of gas and away I went up Mt. Hamilton Road. Mt. Hamilton is just east of the Silicon Valley and rises to a majestic height of 4,000 feet or so above the valley floor. To get there you take the only road going east, that being the aptly named Mt. Hamilton Road. The road is one of the last remaining links to the Valley's rural past and was originally built back in the 1870's by the County of Santa Clara for one specific purpose - to provide a means for James Lick to reach the top of the mountain where he could build his famous observatory. The road was finished and the observatory built, and ever since then the "chrome domes" have perched ominously atop the distant mountain.

It's approximately 30 miles from downtown San Jose to the Lick Observatory, but the drive is very demanding. Mt. Hamilton Road was originally built for horses and wagons, not automobiles, and careful drivers can plan on about a 2 hour drive to the top (although a raucous carful of drunken teenagers can usually make it in about 45 minutes, but that's a topic for another day). A more popular way to make it to the top is by bicycle, and on weekends it might be fair to say if that the cyclists outnumber the automobiles on Mt. Hamilton Road. Be forewarned, however, it's a narrow road and drivers need to keep an attentive eye out for cyclists, although their dorky looking cycling costumes make them pretty easy to spot.

I didn't take car or bike but rode my motorcycle up the mountain. As it turns out, this is probably not the best way to travel this road. There are parts where the road is open with the kind of swooping curves that bikers love, but for the most part the road is full of potholes and blind curves and tight, tight switchbacks. My bike is pretty nimble and light, and I can't imagine slugging it out through those switchbacks on some 700 pound hog. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then just walk out to some biker bar and ask one of the hairy gents with the prison tats stenciled on his head if you can borrow his Harley for a while. If he agrees then get on the bike and go out in the parking lot and do nothing but tight, low speed U-turns for about 45 minutes. That's the kind of fun you'd be having trying to slog your way up those switchbacks on a Harley.

Anyway, at the top of the Mountain sits the observatory. In total there are about 9 or 10 telescopes up there, but the Lick's claim to fame are the original 36 inch refractor and the 120 reflector. The public can view both telescopes, but the only one the public can actually look through is the 36 inch refractor, and then only during special public viewings.

I've been up to see the refractor around 4 or 5 times during my life, and actually looked through it once when I was a very young child. Even though it's nearly 150 year old, it's still an impressive piece of equipment. The telescope itself weighs in at around 7 tons, with an added 7 ton counterweight. Even at this enormous size, however, the telescope is so perfectly balanced that it can easily be maneuvered by hand.

Once you've seen the telescopes and visited the gift shop and taken in some of the views, then there's not much to do but come back down mountain. Along the way you'll pass Grant Ranch Park which has some of the best hiking and mountain biking trails in the valley, so bring your hiking boots if you feel up to the challenge. Another warning: Grant Ranch gets very hot and dusty during the summer, so bring lots and lots of water and try to hit the trails early in the morning.

When I got back to the valley I decided to take a little ride out to one of my favorite valley spots. For those of you who don't remember (or don't care), back in the sixties and seventies the City of Santa Clara had one of the most prestigious swimming clubs in the country, called, oddly enough, the Santa Clara Swim Club, which, in it's heyday, boasted probably the two most famous swimmers in the country - Donna de Varona and Mark Spitz.

The swim club is still very much alive, although not so much in the limelight as in it's former days. It sits rather nondescriptly behind the City Library, and other than the plaques on the wall and two very prominent pictures of De Varona and Spitz in the main entrance area, seems to make very little fuss about it's illustrious past. In fact it would be hard to call it a real tourist destination; it's really nothing more than a point of interest.

Still, back when I used to live out around there I used to love to walk over to the pool and think of all the Olympic history that got it's start right there. In fact I remember one afternoon I walked over and got to see Janet Evans swim an event. She didn't swim for the club, but she was there with the Stanford Swimming Team swimming some sort of mete. It was amazing. I didn't have to pay any admission fee or anything like that. I just took a seat in the bleachers and watched a world record holder and multiple olympic gold medalist swim a few races. Don't you wish sports was still like that?

That's my post.

Publish Or Die

2008-04-29T15:10:00.000-07:00

Hello, and welcome to today's blog. You're really in for a treat this time because, after many phone calls and much intense negotiation, I'm really excited to announce that I'll be bringing you a live interview with presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain. Yes, you heard me right - a 'live" interview with Senator McCain, with the emphasis on "live". That's the trend these days, you know - blogging live while the event is taking place. It introduces a whole new dynamic to blogging because with live, as-it-happens blogging, the fact that I'm here blogging about something is now just as newsworthy as the event itself. At last the writer is of equal importance to the subject being written about, or, dare I say, maybe even more important? God, I love this modern age.

Anyway, I've got my MacBook and I'm now making my way to Senator McCain's hotel suite. Come along with me as I blog it "live".

That must be his room up there. I'll have to put down my computer for a moment as I make my way through security.

...

There, that was easy. Now, I'll just check in with the receptionist and let the Senator know I'm here.

"Hello, I'm here to see Senator McCain."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Yes, it's Myers. M-Y-E-R-S."

"Mr. Meyers, hmm...."

"No, Myers. m-Y-e-r-s."

"Of course. Mr. Myers."

"Yes, that's right."

"What organization are you with?"

"I'm a blogger. An independent voice for truth."

"Yes, one moment please."

(She's calling someone on the phone. Probably wants to verify my credentials.)

"Mr. Myers?"

"Yes?"

"I'm terribly sorry but the Senator is currently taking a nap. He won't be giving any interviews this afternoon."

"What?"

"I'm terribly sorry."

"He can't do that. I had an appointment. It took me two weeks to set this up. I'm blogging this live to the internet! What do you mean he's taking a nap?"

"The Senator has a very busy schedule. Perhaps..."

"Uh-uh. No way. You can't blow me off like that. Don't you know who I am? I'm the PRESS! The fourth estate. The voice of the people. You can't just turn me away and say you're sorry."

"Mr. Myers..."

"Do you know the kind of power I have? You're making a serious mistake here Ms. what's-your-name. A very serious mistake."

"Please, Mr. Myers. Hold your voice down. The Senator is trying to ..."

(A door is opening and now a tall, impeccably groomed man enters the room)

"Susan, what's going on out here?"

"This man says he has an interview with the Senator and I tried to explain to him that the Senator is not granting any interviews today."

(The man is turning and giving me his most genuine fake smile. Now he's holding out his hand and offering me a handshake. I compose myself and shake his hand)

"I'm Doug Peters, Senator McCain's assistant. Is there something I can help you with?"

"I had an appointment and now I'm being told that the Senator won't see me. It took me a long time to set this up and I..."

"I understand. Unfortunately Senator McCain has had a very busy day and a long night ahead and needs to get some rest right now. I'm really sorry about that, but if you call his office tomorrow morning I'm sure he'll be happy to reschedule for sometime next week."

"Next week? Reschedule? I can't reschedule. I'm blogging this live to the internet. Right now as we speak there are hundreds of millions of anxious voters eager to hear the Senator's positions on the important issues of the day. You can't reschedule that."

"Please, sir, calm down."

"No, you calm down."

"I'm always calm, Mr. Myers. I'm always calm, composed, and polite and I never perspire."

"Never?"

"Never."

"That's so smooth. I've never met anyone as smooth as you before."

"Thank you. Now, if you call the Senator's office tomorrow then..."

"No, I'm not calling anyone. I don't know who you think you're dealing with but I'll have you know that I'm a member of the press. You can't just sweep me under the rug and think that'll be the end of it."

"Are you making a threat, Mr. Myers?"

"No threat. Let's just say I have certain information. Certain information that if it were to be made public might prove rather embarrasing to the Senator."

"Oh, so now you're Walter Winchell or something, is that how it is? Please, don't insult the Senator's intelligence. This isn't 1953, Mr. Myers. It's 2008. If there were any damaging stories out there then you and I know that they'd be all over the internet by now. There are no secrets anymore, and no pretense of civility either, so let's stop playing games, shall we?"

(Damn, he's calling my bluff. This guy is so smooth)

"I have pictures."

"What kind of pictures?"

"High resolution pictures. No fakes."

"And just what's on these pictures?"

"Tell you what. Just check my blog later tonight and you can see for yourself. So long. It's been nice talking to you."

(He's hesitating. Ha, I finally managed to put a scratch in that glossy finish of his.)

"Wait right here."

"Is there a problem?"

(He's going back in the other room. Yeah, the good ol' pictures trick got him. I don't have any pictures, of course, but let's face it, everyone's done something they'd be embarrassed for anyone else to see. Even if there's a perfectly innocent explanation, no one wants to have it show up in pictures. Let that be a lesson to all of you budding young bloggers out there. Uh-oh, he's coming back)

"The Senator will see you, but you only have five minutes. Do we have a deal?"

"Sure. I don't want upset the Senator's schedule."

"Good. Come this way please."

(Alright, I'm finally going to get my interview, and it's going to be live on the internet. This is so cool. I just hope I don't get too famous when the buzz starts making the the rounds. My privacy is very important to me.)

"Have a seat. The Senator will be right with you."

(Hmm...nice place he's staying at. I wonder if we're paying for it or if the Senator's paying out of his own pocket for digs like these. Yeah right. Just bill it to the taxpayer's and have room service send up another bottle of champagne. Speak of the devil, here comes the Senator himself. He looks older without all of his television makeup.)

"Good afternoon Senator McCain. Thank you for seeing me."

"My pleasure Ms. Couric."

"Huh?"

"How are things at CBS?"

(Mr. Smooth interrupts)

"Senator McCain. This gentleman isn't with CBS."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was taking a nap and I'm afraid I'm still a little groggy."

"No problem", I say.

"Well then, which organization are you with, Mr., er,..."

"Myers, Senator, and I'm not with an organization. I'm a blogger, an independent voice of truth."

"Oh, I see."

"In fact I'm blogging this live over the internet as we speak."

"Is that so? I've never heard of live blogging before. This should be interesting."

"Shall we get started?"

"Yes, please."

"Senator McCain, you announced your new health plan today, saying that by increasing competition between health insurers we would make health coverage more affordable for all Americans. How so?"

"It's a simple fact that competition leads to lower prices. Under our current employer sponsered system, health insurers have little incentive to compete since employees are locked into using just one or perhaps two health insurers. Under my plan, we would do away with employer sponsored health plans and move to a more open marketplace where health insurers would be forced to compete with one another over who could offer the best coverage at the lowest prices."

"Your critics have said that your plan would, in effect, have the opposite effect. They say that health insurers would not compete for the most customers, but would instead only compete for the youngest and healthiest customers, leaving the sickest Americans with no coverage and no choices at all. How do you respond to that?"

"America has the finest health care in the world. What my opponents are proposing would be nothing more than a government health plan where the government makes health decisions, and not families."

(Oh brother, here we go. It's the oldest trick in the book. Instead of answering the question I asked he's answering the question that he thinks will work to his best advantage, and hoping that no one notices the difference. Well, I'm not just some rookie blogger and I'm certainly not going to let him get away with that.)

"You didn't answer my question Senator. Quit trying to change the subject."

"I certainly did answer the question, and I think the American people are with me on this. Do we want a government health plan? Do we want some bureaucrat in Washington making vital decisions for us, or should consult with our own doctors and make the decisions that are best for us? Under my health plan families and doctors would make those decisions, and not the government."

(Arrgh...he did it again.)

"Senator, your critics have said that your health plan is really no different than what we have now. In other words, it's a great plan as long as you're not unemployed, uninsured, or sick. If your young and healthy and don't need a health plan then it's great, otherwise you're in trouble because the health insurers don't want to have anything to do with you. What would you say to those critics and to those Americans with chronic, pre-existing conditions who are shut out of the current health care system? Under a universal health plan those people would be covered, but under your plan they'd be screwed. How can you justify a health care system that doesn't take care of the sick?"

(Ha, let's see him squirm his way out of that one)

"Of course we can always make adjustments to help those who cannot get health insurance, but we must also consider the cost. Competition is the only proven way to keep down costs. I believe that by having health insurers compete we can have a more efficient and more affordable health care system for all Americans."

(What did he just say?)

"You mean all healthy Americans, don't you."

"Competition, not big government, will bring down the cost of health care in this country."

(Ok, time to change gears. Maybe the confrontational approach will get something out of him)

"Senator McCain, you were never known as strict ideologue. In fact, in your years in the Senate you've earned the reputation of being somewhat of a maverick in the Republican party. Why are you so wedded to ideology on this issue? The health care system in this country is crazy. People with chronic diseases are not getting the treatment they need, families are facing financial ruin because of exorbidant medical bills, and yet the Republican party still clings to this belief that private health insurance companies, whose overriding incentive is to sell health insurance to those who don't need it and exclude those who do, are doing the best job possible for the American people. How bad does health care have to get before Republicans break with ideology and start looking at the way things really are in this country?"

"On the contrary, I think the Republicans are completely in tune with the American people on this issue. The fact is that most Americans love their health care plan. They don't want the government stepping in and tying up the system with red tape. It may be ideology, but it is an ideology grounded in the fundamental American values of independence and self-reliance."

(Damn, he's good. Now he's accusing me of being unpatriotic)

"Most Americans who have health plans love their health plans, but that's getting to be fewer and fewer Americans these days. You know a lot of employer's don't even offer sick days anymore, let alone health plans. The Republicans don't reflect fundamental American values, they reflect the new American values that say that health care is just another priveledge of the rich, and not a fundamental human right."

(Oh brother, now I sound like a whiner)

"As tempting as it is to believe it, government is not the answer. We can have a private insurance program that works. We must have a private insurance program that works."

"Is that the maverick speaking, or the idealogue?"

"If you'll excuse me I've got a dinner to attend tonight."

"Thank you for your time."

(The Senator has left the room, and now here comes ol' smoothie)

"Well you got your interview. Do you need help finding your way out?"

"Huh, some interview. Just the same old blah-blah-blah."

"What did you think? Did you think you were going to come here and make a reputation for yourself by making a fool out of the Senator?"

"Well...yeah. Isn't that how it's done?"

"The elevator is out that door and to the left. Oh, and by the way, don't let me see you around here again. As far as Senator McCain is concerned, your credentials have just been canceled."

(So that's it. My live blog is in the can and I'm no more famous now than I was when I got out of bed this morning. This journalism is a hard hustle, man, a hard hustle. It's just talk, talk, talk, and nothing ever changes. The rich get richer, the powerful gets stronger, and the independent voice of truth gets strangled and silenced. For all the upheaval it's created, the internet really changes nothing.)

The Duke of Braintree Finds His Guiding Light

2008-04-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

"I must be off to Paris now. We cannot defeat the British alone, so I must secure the cooperation of the French."

"But father, what about us?"

"That cannot be helped. My country calls and I must answer her need."

"But what about our needs, father? What about your family?"

"It is not my wish to be away so far from home, but surely you understand I must go. Without aid from the French we are lost."

"Yes father, but at what cost? Is losing your family not too high a price to pay?"

"You look after your mother while I'm away. Be strong my son, as we all shall be strong, for the future or our nation depends on it."

(Oh, man, this John Adams miniseries is great stuff, isn't it? What other TV drama delivers such a mawkish blend of 5th grade history and primetime soap opera. You know, I think I'd like to try to write an episode myself. Just to see if I could do it. Maybe it'd go something like this. )

"I don't know what to say, Abigail. This has never happened to me before."

"It's alright John. You've been under a great deal of stress lately, that's all. You must try to relax."

"Relax? Relax!? While that scoundrel Hamilton sounds the drumbeats of war? He would destroy this nation with his wrackful war with France."

"John you must not think of such things. They tense you up and...and...well, you see what happens."

"For heaven's sake, I'm not a machine Abigail. What would you have me do?"

"Is there no word from Marshall? We may yet have peace with France. I know Thomas would like that."

"Oh would he? No more than to see himself in my place. I'm afraid no peace can salve the bruise which Mr. Jefferson's stubbornness has brought upon this nation."

"He is a man of principle and worthy of admiration. You cannot expect him to compromise his principles."

"No, but as a true patriot I can expect his support. I'm afraid all he has done is turn from me now when I need him the most."

"You speak too harshly of him, John. Surely, if you only understood..."

"You were always fond of Thomas. Too fond, perhaps."

"Don't be silly John. I merely said..."

"Those nights in Paris when you were away. You told me you were nursing a sick friend. Is that really where you were?"

"What are you saying? Do you think I..."

"Yes I remember now. Those walks in the garden, just the two of you. Him, charming as ever and you giggling like a little girl. I saw you two, but I never thought that..."

"Stop it John. I'll hear no more of this foolish talk. I've always like Thomas and have never kept that from you. We are friends, that's all."

"Is it?"

"Yes, friends and nothing more. It's not like you to be envious and jealous, particularly without cause. It's because Thomas favors the rights of states and you the need for a strong federal government that you torment me so."

"Tell me Abigail, and be truthful now. Is Charles really my son?"

(slap)

"He has another mistress. Did you know that Abigail?"

"You're a liar and a jealous old fool."

"No, it's true. Perhaps you've met her. She's the slave girl Sally Hemmings."

"Sl...Sl...Slave girl? Thomas would never...he is too honorable a man."

"Yes, the slave Sally Hemmings. What? Did he not tell you? The esteemed and honorable Mr. Jefferson forgot to mention that. Oh ho, that is rich."

"I've always been faithful to you John. Even on the darkness of nights, though my soul cried with loneliness, and you too busy to even write me a letter. You cannot know the suffering, and now to be paid so cruelly for my tears. What have I ever done to bring on such reprobation? Why do you treat me so?"

"My dear, suffering wife. It is not you. It is France. They would have us pay to ransom our peace. Such insults cannot be borne lightly, and the Congress would have me deliver our reply at the point of a sword, though such a reply would be our ruin. I am fairly vexed by this business and now find myself turning on you. Will you forgive me Abigail?"

(a knock comes on the door)

"Yes, what is it?"

"News from John Quincy, father."

"News? What news?"

(he opens the door and opens the letter)

"What is it John?"

"France has signed the treaty. There is to be peace between our two nations."

"Oh John, it is the news we have been waiting for."

"Yes. The nation is safe and I...I...I feel a new vigor."

"Do you mean..."

"Come here woman."

"Why yes, Mr. President."

Stay tuned for scenes from next weeks episode.

Elegy for the Living

2008-04-14T22:14:00.001-07:00

Lament

What child was this

Who drank black waters

Lying stillborn, breathless

With blood no hotter

Than the cool lump of its unformed clay.

Though curiously not in its way lifeless,

Not dead

More a flightless

Bird, or head-

Less snake

Not perfectly lifeless, but dead.

Praise

All that was promised, now done

A life started and ended

As soon over as begun

For all that was intended

That alone remains

Solace

Count the days to me now

Feel their bleak, sunless pallor

Everywhere the flat, muddy-brown

Pond of existence grows shallower

And all point is lost to purpose

More surface than form

Through some trickery or conceit

It is my life forsworn

All no more than a neat

And appropriate lie.

Yes, it was I who drank the black goo

And I the stillborn son

I, the poisoned well who

Can never be done

But to steal the sky of its' glimmer.

Is That All There Is

2008-04-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, the blog. I'd almost forgot about it. Truth is, I was thinking of dropping the blog, and, judging from the thousands of emails I've received demanding its return, it doesn't appear that it would be missed. But be that as it may, the fact is that I like to core dump my consciousness onto the internet every now and then, and in that way, I suppose, this blog is good therapy. So what the hey. As Frank Zappa, the fervently anti-drug musician and composer, once said "I don't need to use alcohol and drugs to get all weird - I was born that way", to which I say "here, here", and offer my blog as proof.

Which places the burden squarely on my shoulders. If you're reading this then I have to assume it's because you have come here expecting something interesting and informative and worthy of your time, and that's really too bad. I'd much prefer you came here because you've got nothing else to do, in which case this blog shouldn't waste any time that would have been otherwise misspent. In either case, whether compelling or frivolous, I suppose I should find something to write about.

How about the economy. That's topical and blogworthy. Are we in a recession or are things just a little slow? And if so, who's to blame ? Is it government or big business? Is it us? Are we to blame? No, let me assure you it's not us. We were just innocent dupes. Just innocent, gas-guzzlin', status seeking, materialistic, maxed-out, consumption-crazed, leverage every last penny in our pockets dupes. If what we were doing was wrong, then America is wrong, and if America is wrong, then someone should have stopped us before it was too late. But they didn't stop us, did they? So now I say it's up to them to make it up to us. Damn, where's my rebate check?

The old saying goes that when someone else loses their job it's a recession, and when you lose your job it's a depression. If that's the case, then I would have to call this a fin-de-siecle. The fin-de-siecle is what they called that time around the end of the 19th century when the fabled era of European excess, opulence and decadance called "La Belle Epoque" came to a violent and bloody end as Europe descended into chaos and a succession of world wars that would eventually collapse the great European empires and rearrange the pecking order of the great world powers. I think we're going through something like that. Nothing serious, just the violent end of the world as we know it. I don't know if the Fed has any kind of fin-de-siecle policy, but I guess another interest rate cut wouldn't hurt.

What bothers me, though, is that if this is the end of an era of opulence and decadence, then how come I didn't get in on any of it. All those years of riches and gaudiness and moral turpitude, and all I got out of it was this lousy 401k. Man, if I would have known it was all coming to an end I would have made more of an effort to be greedier and more promiscuous. All those wasted years, and now, of course, it's too late. You kids in the audience - let that be a lesson to you.

Anyways, what difference does it make now. The question is where do we go from here? Beats me. Time keeps slipping through my hands and I still haven't found my life's purpose or written that libretto or held that woman I dream of every night. Tilted at windmills, that's all I've done. I've just been tilting at windmills.

I did have an idea about doing a video podcast where I'd ride my motorcycle around and visit all the great opera houses of Europe. You know, sort of a travel podcast for opera-loving motorcyclists. I figured it would be a good idea because that way I could combine two of the things I love the best - opera and motorcycling - and maybe make a little coin off of it too. I'll admit it's a bit niche - sort of a combination of Great Performances and Then Came Bronson (anyone old enough to remember that show?), but you know podcasting exists to serve niche markets. It would be perfect, but then I got to thinking, ok, so I ride my bike and go to these opera houses, and then what? Do I look into the camera and say something like "Sure, I scraped a peg or two on the way in, but say, that La Scala is some opera house, ain't it?" Somehow I couldn't see the advertisers lining up to sponsor something like that.

So anyway that was my great idea. I admit I'm not really the entrepeneurial type. I just don't have that sense of the utility of things, that sense of giving the people what they want (take this blog for example). I'm more interested in the things that interest me, I suppose, much to my misfortune. Oh well, I guess we can add "internet media mogul" to the list of job titles never to appear on my resume, along with librettist and promiscuous money monger that is.

Oh, the hubris, the hubris.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

2008-02-14T21:58:00.001-08:00

Well, the weather was so beautiful today that I decided to take the blog outside and enjoy a little sunshine. Wait a minute. Who's that over there sitting on that park bench? Why it's Barak Obama. Let's go over and find out what's happening with the Democratic frontrunner.

"Hey 'O', how's it going?"

"Good. Pretty damn good, to tell you the truth. Beautiful day, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I bought a sandwich over at the deli and, you know, it was so nice out that I figured I'd go outside and eat it. You want half?"

"What kind you got?"

"Tuna, on a french roll."

"Yeah, I'll take half of that. Have a seat."

"Thanks. Say, what are you doing in California anyway? Shouldn't you be in Wisconsin campaigning or something?"

"Man, it's 11 degrees in Milwaukee. If it's all the same to you I'd rather be out here in California, you know what I mean?"

"Got that right."

"Besides, I was hoping I'd run into you. You write that blog, don't you?"

"Yeah I've got a blog but I didn't know you read it."

"Oh yeah. I read it all the time. It's great. Sort of perceptive, penetratingly insightful, and yet incredibly stupid all at the same time. I love it."

"Well, variety is the spice of life."

"That's what they say. Hey this sandwich is good. You got anything to wash it down with?"

"Nah. I could go back to the deli and pick up a couple of soda's if you'd like."

"No, that's alright. I'm fine."

"How's the campaign going? You seem to have Hillary on the ropes."

"You think so? I'm not so sure. I'm not polling well in Texas and Ohio."

"Is that right. Hmm. No offense to Hillary, mind you, but she doesn't seem that presidential to me. She seems more like a policy wonk than a leader, you know what I mean. People want someone to follow, not just a bunch of graphs and numbers. Not that I've got anything against her, but for some reason she just doesn't inspire me."

"So does that mean you're going to vote for me?"

"You haven't got the nomination yet, 'O'. Ask me again after Denver."

"Then let's say I do get the nomination?"

"Geez, I don't know. I mean I gotta be honest and...um...let me put it this way. For a guy who talks about all the things he's gonna do, you sure don't seem to have done much. I mean it's probably a good thing that you don't have much of a record to be held accountable for, but still...well...you don't have much of a record."

"I voted against the war, didn't I?

(pause)

"Let me ask you something. Do you honestly believe that you're gonna change Washington? I hear you say it all the time, but do you seriously believe that?"

"Sure I do. I'm gonna stand up to the special interests and ..."

"Do you seriously think that the special interests, the real king makers and powerbrokers in Washington, are worried about what's gonna happen to them if Obama comes to town. Do you think they're telling themselves 'Uh-oh, Obama's in charge now. We better straighten up our act or else he's gonna run us out of town.'"

"I think they're going to find out pretty quick that the days of 'business as usual' are over."

"Right."

"We're gonna have full disclosure when I get elected. The American people deserve to know who's paying what to who, and then we'll just let the cards fall where they may."

"And you know what we're going to find out? We're going to find out that the money goes everywhere, and that everyone's got their hand in the cookie jar. What will that prove?"

"Don't be so cynical, D.C. It's time for change in America, and I'm ready for the challenge."

"Oh I see. This is sort of like 'Destry Rides Again', isn't it. Only this isn't the movies and you aren't Jimmy Stewart."

"Give me your vote and we'll see what happens."

"Nah, even if I believed you could change things I could never vote for you."

"Why not?"

"It's the war. For the life of me I can't see what we gain by abandoning Iraq, especially now that we're finally starting to turn the corner. "

"America was mislead. We have no business being in Iraq. The American people know that, and I know that. The best thing for us to do is get our troops out of there and stop making a bad situation worse."

"But it's getting better."

"Our war is with the terrorists, not the Iraqi's. Everyone knows that?"

"That's not the point. You know General Meade's war wasn't with the state of Pennsylvania, and I'm sure he would have rather fought his battle at the gates of Richmond than up in the Pennsylvania farm country. Unfortunately, at that moment the enemy happened to be at Gettysburg and so that's where the battle had to be. It seems to me the height of arrogance that Americans think we can just start and stop wars at our leisure, and then be so cavalier as to cover our defeats with the excuse that we did not lose, we just chose not to further engage."

"That's not what this is about."

"Tell me something.When this is all over, we aren't going to tun on our TV's and see Iraqis crowding the gates of the Embassy as the last Americans are helicoptered out of Baghdad, are we?"

"Our withdrawal from Iraq is not going to be the end of our commitment to defeat the terrorists and to bring their leaders to justice."

"Are we going to invade Pakistan?"

"Don't go there."

"Let's say we pull out of Iraq and the enemy then feels free to disengage and turn their attention up north, and let's say we start to see a wave of terrorist attacks in Afghanistan with thousands killed and American troops under fire. Will we then follow the pattern we established in Iraq and withdraw from Afghanistan as well? Would the enemy expect anything less of us?"

"You're overreacting to the situation, DC. I'm not going to engage in wild hypotheticals with you except to say that our commitment to the Afghan people is firm."

"Yeah, ok, but I'm sticking with McCain. I think he knows what's at stake here."

"And are you prepared to fight a hundred years war?"

"The Mideast is too volatile. Things will get resolved one way or another before that ever happens. McCain is the adult here. He knows that if you're stupid enough to get yourself into a war, then you're committed to see it all the way through. You don't get to take a Mulligan."

"Well, thank God most Americans don't feel that way. America wants out, D.C., and I do too."

"That's ok 'O'. You seem like a sincere guy. A little wet behind the ears, but sincere. And I think it'd be great if you really do change Washington, but don't give up too easily if you happen to get bloodied up a bit, huh."

"You know I won't."

"Do I?"

Carpe Diem, Dude

2008-02-08T14:02:00.000-08:00

"Hello."

"Hello. You must be Mr. Jones. Please, have a seat."

"Thank you."

"Can I get you something to drink? A cup of coffee maybe?"

"No, no thanks. I'm fine."

"Well, Mr. Jones, what brings you in this morning?"

"I think I need a career change."

"Yes, of course. You know that's very common now days. A lot of people your age arrive at a certain point in their lives, having worked to buy a home and raise a family, and with the children gone and the mortgage almost paid they start to wonder if there isn't something more to life. Something more rewarding or personally fulfilling."

"I'm not married."

"Divorced?"

"No, nothing like that. You see I was downsized last year and..."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

"No, it's ok. I found a new job. But the thing is, I'm still doing the same thing, you know. It's a different company but it's still the same old thing, and I'm just starting to wonder if..."

"Sure, I understand. You want to know what color is your parachute."

"Huh?"

"That's just an expression. It means..."

"I didn't know parachutes came in colors."

"Well that's an interesting point. The fact is that parachutes come in all sorts of colors. We just have to find out what color yours is."

"I don't know. Red?"

"No, that's not what I...tell you what, let's start off by finding out a little bit more about yourself. When you're not working what do you like to do?"

"Sleep."

"Besides sleep, I mean. Do you like to play sports, or work on cars, or something like that, or perhaps you're more the creative type."

"I like sports, I guess."

"Oh, that's good. What sorts of sports do you play?"

"Play? No, I meant I like to watch sports. I'm too out of shape to play sports."

"Do you golf? Fish?"

"I like to eat fish, but I don't catch them. In fact, I'd really rather not watch my food squirm and die before I put it in mouth. I takes away my appetite, you know?"

"And you don't golf?"

"I hate golf."

"Ok, so what do you like to do? C'mon Mr. Jones, there must be something?"

"The truth is I already know what I want to do."

"You do? What's that?"

"I want to be a geek."

"A geek? You mean with computers and things like that?"

"Yes."

"Well, ok, that should be no problem. There are plenty of jobs out there in computers these days. Are you looking for something in IT or MIS perhaps?"

"No. not that kind of geek. Believe me, if it's 3:00 in the morning and Mary in Accounting's printer won't print, I DO NOT want to be the person she calls to get the thing working again. You know what I'm saying."

"Yes, but really Mr. Jones, you're not giving me very much to..."

"I want to be a geek. Like those ones in the movies. You know. The ones that can just walk into someone's office and type a few keys on the keyboard and suddenly have access to all of his classified documents and the schematics to secret CIA facilities in the desert, or can walk into a building and press a few keys on a keypad and disable all the alarms and open all the security doors and cut off all outside communications. I want to be one of those kind of geeks. The problme is that I don't know where you go to learn all that stuff. That's why I'm here. I was hoping you could help me."

"Tell me something Mr. Jones. Do you watch a lot of TV?"

"Not really."

"I think maybe..."

"I want a job like Chloe's. You know Chloe on '24'. I want to sit at my computer and control satellites and deploy police cars and break into government facilities and stuff like that. That would be such a cool job."

"And highly illegal, I might add."

"Well that's the whole point, isn't it. I mean who's to say where we draw the line. Maybe sometimes the ends do indeed justify the means."

"You seem like a detail oriented person, Mr. Jones. Perhaps you might like to try accounting instead."

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"No, please don't Mr. Jones. I'd rather you didn't."

"You know that Chloe - the on on TV. I think she's hot."

"Really? Well that's an interesting detail we can add to your file. But back to the business at hand. What I need from you is ..."

"You don't think I'm serious do you? Well I am. I've been to trade schools. You know like Heald and University of Phoenix, but they don't offer any courses I need. Sure, PHP and XML and things like that, but nothing about disabling building security or decrypting classified documents."

"Mr. Jones, I'm sorry but I just don't know what I can do for you. You seem to have some peculiar career goals in mind and I just..."

"You lied."

"I what?"

"You lied."

"Now wait a minute. I'm sure I never..."

"Your ad in the paper said you could help me find the path to happiness and be whatever it is I wanted to be."

"And I can, it's just that I'm not sure if...by that, I mean I don't think you really understand what...the truth is Mr. Jones, if we're going to find out your true path to happiness then you're going to have to start being a little more realistic, that's all."

"You sound just like my father. When I was a kid he used to tell me to never let anyone or anything stop me from reaching my goals, to never say never. He'd say 'Son, remember you can be anything you want to be.' So one day I told him 'Dad, I think I'd like to be Jesus Christ, the Son of God.' and then after that we stopped having our heart-to-heart talks. Then all of a sudden one day he took me to a special doctor and made me promise I'd never tell anyone I'd been there, and we never talked about being anything I want to be ever again. It was lie, what he said, wasn't it? It was all a great, big lie."

"No it's not a lie. You can be whatever you want to be, but within reason of course."

"In other words, it's true that you can be whatever it is you want to be, but realistically speaking you'll probabaly end up sitting in some cubicle just like everybody else."

"No, Mr. Jones. Please don't be discouraged. I'm sure that..."

"Look, you asked me what color my parachute was. Well, that's my parachute."

(pause)

"You're right. You're absolutely right. Ok, let's get started then. If I remember correctly you said you wanted to be a geek, but not the kind of geek that fixes people's printers. You want to be a geek of danger and mystery. Is that right?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Do you have any experience? I mean I'm not sure what sort of qualifications you need to be a geek, but what's your background. Do you have any kind of 'geek cred'?"

"Well I keep my pockets stuffed full of electronic gadgets everywhere I go, and even though my house is full of cabinets and drawers and boxes stuffed with every conceivable kind of electronic cable, connector, switch and whatever else you can possibly think of, it seems I never find the partcular cable or connector I'm looking for when I really need it."

"That's certainly a start. Anything else?"

"Well, I have poor nutrition habits, no fashion sense, and really lousy taste in art, books and music."

"Great. It certainly sounds like you're off to a solid start. Now there's just the question of where to get your training. Have you given any thought to that?"

"Yeah, well I think organized crime would probably have the sort of position I'm looking for. They always seem to need a geek or two when they commit heinous acts."

"You're right. I bet there are plenty of criminal organization's around that would be eager to take on an intern or some kind of entry-level geek."

"What kind of organizations?"

"I don't know. Latin American drug cartels, Caribbean money launderers, East Coast crime families, Congress. Have you thought about relocating to Washington DC?"

"Then you think I can really do this?"

"If that's what you want. If that's what you really want. Here, let me play this CD for you. Climb every mountain, cross every stream. Follow every rainbow, until..."

"Life is so full isn't it? Such a rich pageant."

"You see that. When you came in here you were feeling all stuck in a rut, and now look at you. How do you feel now?"

"Great. I really think I'm ready. I think I'm finally ready to let go of the past and become the geek I was always meant to be."

"You see. You just needed was a little encouragement, that's all. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, you've been a great help, and listen...if I do break into a computer someday and steal all kinds of personal information, well...I just hope it isn't yours.I wanted you to know that."

"That's sweet. Thank you. And good luck with your new career."

"No, thank you."

Up and Down, and After All It's Only 'Round and 'Round

2008-01-23T22:57:00.001-08:00

Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Hey there, I'm back. Yeah, I know it's been awhile, but it's not like there's a huge crowd out there waiting for this blog to hit the internet. At least I hope not.

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Don't mind that noise in the background. No I'm not out at the Boardwalk watching the roller coasters go by. It's just that I've got the TV on and right now I'm watching the latest stock market news.

Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!

And you thought all that stocks and bonds stuff was boring, didn't you? No way, dude. Broke one minute, rolling in the dough the next - that's the life of the investor, although I'd be eternally grateful if the stock market would quit making all this front page news and go into hiding for a while. Believe me, the last thing any investor ever wants to see is the market become the lead story on the evening news. You just know no good can come from it.

Luckily, our government is ever vigilant and stands ready to shield us from these slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. What they've come up with is something called a stimulus plan. You've probably heard about it. Apparently, what we need is some kind of stimulant to get us past all these "crises" we're facing. Let's see, there's the housing crisis, the credit crisis, the energy crisis, the Mideast crisis, and out here in California we can add the budget crisis to the pile. Our aging infrastructure is collapsing, our airports are overcrowded, our ports are unguarded, our borders are unsecured, our planet is heating up, our politicians are deadlocked and corrupt, our currency is in freefall, our banks are bleeding money, our schools are falling apart, our athletes are on drugs, our Hollywood celebrities are in rehab, our health care bills are climbing, our real estate values are sinking, and our TV shows are being held hostage by a writers strike. So, in our time of need, our government has bravely decided to give each of us a check for $800 bucks.

Gee that's swell of you, Uncle Sam, and I'm sure that the fact that this is an election year has nothing to do with your decision to hand out treats. No, of course not, and all cynicism aside, I can see the point of what you're trying to do. The fact is that U.S. consumption accounts for 20% of the world economy, and if we aren't down at the mall spending, it's not just Americans who are going to suffer, but dollar-a-day sweatshop workers in China as well. Our humanity itself demands we do something.

So, have you decided what you're going to do with your check yet? I figure with all these "crises" we're have surrounding our doorstep, the first thing I'm gonna do with my check is go buy some guns and ammunition. Maybe some canned goods and bottled water too - it could be a long siege. Other than that I think I'll just watch the Fed lower interest rates and watch the monthly earnings from my savings accounts slowly dwindle to nothing.

Thanks a lot, Ben.

But I don't want to finish this post on a down note so here's something totally unrelated. This is actually a little item out of Germany that I thought you might find interesting. It concerns a sensational German violinist named Julia Fischer that I've blogged about in the past, who recently did something that I thought would be impossible given her grueling schedule of concerts and recording sessions. I think I mentioned once that Fischer was not only one of today's top violinists, but was also rumored to be an accomplished pianist as well. I also offered the opinion that we would never know how good a pianist she was because of all the demands and challenges that lay before her in her career as a world-class violinist. I simply didn't think she would ever have the time to put together a piano program in the middle of her very busy violin schedule.

Well, I was wrong.

According to the article, on January 1st of this year, the remarkable Julia Fischer, Gramaphone's Artist of the Year, not only played Saint-Saens Violin Conceto No. 3 for a concert audience in Frankfurt, but came back after the intermission to play the Grieg Piano Concerto in A-minor on piano as well. I know most people don't follow classical music that closely, but I think even the most jaded hipster has got to stand back and take pause at an accomplishment like that. Most people would need a lifetime to master just one instrument, but two, and at the age of 24, is unbelievable. It may not be your kind of music, but how can you argue with the talent.

Now if I had just one word of advice for the German wunderkind it would be this: Take it easy for a while. No, I certainly can't live her life for her, but I've been thinking about celebrity a lot this past year and trying to imagine what it must be like to live under the constant scrutiny and glare of strangers. On the one hand it must be exhilarating and fun to receive all the accolades and applause, but on the other hand it must be a tremendous burden to be so public and carry the weight of conjecture and expectation with you wherever you go. We audiences seem so needy sometimes (especially the frustrated musicians among us) and it seems like the best thing an adoring audience could do for these great musicians is just pay the money, enjoy the concert, and then back off.

And maybe the best thing that a Julia Fischer could do is back off a little as well. Just a little, mind you. I believe she recently got married so why not take some time off to be with her young groom, and then come back relaxed and ready to go for her next season or project. That would be my advice, anyways, and if she heard it I'm sure she would say that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Californa On 38 Million Dollars A Day

2008-01-01T22:39:00.001-08:00

Are you watching the Sugar Bowl? Yeah, I know what you mean. Before the game everyone was asking if Hawaii really belonged there, and now after watching the first half the only question is how much more of this rout can I sit through before I turn the TV off. The hell with this. It's like watching Pop Warner vs. the NFL. I think I'll do some blogging instead.

Let's see, when last we talked the company I formerly worked for had just gone belly-up and I was out of a job. I'm happy to say that I'm now working for a new company, and it's going ok except that like a lot of people starting new jobs I still feel like an orphan at someone else's family reunion. On the one hand it's nice to be employed, but on the other hand it's a bit of a drag to have to start at the bottom again and work to regain all that I had built up. Even worse is the feeling that I'm not so sure I even want to do it all over again, you know? I keep wondering if maybe I should have just taken some time off and tried to figure out where I want to go from here instead of jumping right back in. I mean I've still got some time left to try something else, don't I?

Something like taking a nice long break and going down to Australia or something like that. I was watching the Travel Channel a couple of years ago and they had this special all about Australia, and it looked pretty nice. I don't know if you know this but everywhere you go down there they've got these empty tropical beaches with no one around except buxom, bronze-skinned bikini babes. I'm not kidding - I saw it on the Travel Channel. The Travel Channel wouldn't lie, would they?

"Meanwhile, just 250 kilometers up the coast you'll find a pristine tropical paradise called the Polynesian Heaven Resort. With it's luxurious cabana style accommodations and endless miles of unspoiled beaches, the Polynesian Heaven is a must-see for any vacationer taking a trip down under. There's plenty of outdoor fun to be had with one of their snorkel or jet ski rentals, or perhaps a romantic candlelight dinner in one of their four star restaurants is more your style. Even if it's just a casual stroll on an empty beach with nothing but buxom, bronze-skinned bikini babes to keep you company, you'll find exactly what you're looking for at this hidden getaway. Located less than an hour's drive from blah, blah, blah..."

(I used to love watching the Travel Channel. I wonder if they're still on the air)

Well, I'm not going to Australia. Not now, anyway. I'm still here in California, and the beaches are cold and nary a buxom, bronze-skinned bikini babe is in sight. Plenty of news, though, I guess.

The big story, of course, is the collapse of the California real estate market. Not the entire market, mind you, but significant portions of it. Mark my word, Californians may say we care about clean air and good schools and all that other stuff, but what we really care about above all else is the value of our homes. Without that, we'd have nothing else to talk about. We'd all just stand around and stare at each other as we fingered the avocado dip.

Now, with housing prices declining the state is in a decidedly glum mood. There was a poll I saw recently that said that around 50% of Californians were feeling pessimistic about the future, compared to around 20% who were feeling good. I don't know what that implies (probably not much), but if misery loves company then I guess Californians can at least feel pretty good about that.

The fiscal situation, however, is a little more dramatic. Since he took office, Governor Schwarzenegger has made it clear that there will be no new taxes on his watch, and to that end he gambled that by borrowing the funds California needed to continue operating now, he could wait for the economy to recover and pay back those loans later. Given both the state requirement to balance its budget and his pledge not to raise taxes, he really had no other choice. The bad news is that meanwhile, back at the economy, the housing market has tumbled and tax revenues have come up a little short. About leaving $14 billion short, so far, and the Governor is now looking more and more like a spend-happy George W. Bush in a muscle suit. Oh well, so much for that whole balanced budget idea.

Which means that as we head into 2008 things are looking pretty feisty for the Governor and the state's Republicans. They are expected to hold the line on taxes, and that means some kind of showdown with the Democrats is inevitable. You have to understand that when we talk about a budget we aren't talking about how to spend California's tax dollars. The truth is most of our tax dollars have already been spent through entitlements and guaranteed spending levels, and less than 25% is actually left in the so-called "discretionary" portion of the budget. So when Californians talk about budget fights, we're really just talking about nibbling at the margins.

And that leaves us with only one choice. I hate to say this Mr. Governor, I really do, but it looks like we're going to have to raise some taxes to make up this shortfall. Like it or not, our options are very limited and we can't just keep floating bonds and putting off the inevitable - we have to start taking some responsibility now. As to whose taxes to raise, I say that guy's over there. He's got plenty of money and he can afford it, and besides, I already pay enough taxes as it is.

And in one last bit of fiscal news, it seems the City of Santa Clara (my neighbor to the west) may be building itself a new stadium. If you haven't been following along, and why would you, Santa Clara has been trying for the longest time to get a professional sports franchise to move in to town. For years the object of their affection was the San Francisco Giants, but when the Giants built their new stadium up in The City, Santa Clara was forced to look elsewhere. Finally, though still unable to find a professional team willing to relocate, they decided to try the San Francisco Forty-Niners instead. And, lo and behold, the Niners said yes.

So far, that is. Problem is that money thing again. Specifically, about $62 million which the city needs to raise in order to complete the deal. Details, details...You would think that with all the money sloshing around this valley that $62 million would be a drop in the bucket (hell, Larry and Sergey probably have that much just jingling around in Google's spare change jar), but it looks like the city is going to need to come up with some sort of revenue plan (i.e. taxes). The latest proposal I heard was a new Hotel Tax, which suits Santa Clarans just fine, but doesn't do much good for the tourist trade (and lord knows how many tourists are flocking to Santa Clara). Nothing is final, though, so stay tuned.

Hopefully, the money will be found and in a few years the Forty-Niners will be calling Santa Clara their new home. No word yet if they'll be the San Francsisco Forty-Niners or the Santa Clara Forty-Niners or the Santa Clara San Francisco Forty-Niners or whatever, but everyone involved in the deal seems pretty excited. I'm sure they'll sort it out and then the Santa Clara fans can finally sit in their brand new stadium and watch their Forty-Niners and shout "We payed $62 million for this?"

Hmm, maybe they should have gone after the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors instead.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

2007-12-17T21:53:00.001-08:00

Hello there. Hope everything's going well with you. It's been pretty uneventful around here lately - kind of quiet really. You know, I've just been running errands, doing a little shopping, and that sort of thing, and, uh, oh yeah, getting laid off for Christmas.. Other than that though....

Well, technically speaking, I didn't get laid off. What happened is that I came into work last Thursday, poured a cup of coffee, sat down at my desk, had a good yawn and a belly scratch, and then found out that the company announced we were going to shut down.

"Hey, look, no big deal but I just thought you'd like to know that as of 5:00 o'clock tonight we're all going to out of job".

"Ok, thanks. I appreciate your mentioning it. Hey, did you see the game last night?"

Well, it was sort of like that. You see, prior to the announcement there wasn't even the slightest hint that anything was wrong. Maybe it was naivety on my part or maybe I just wasn't paying attention, but the offhandedness of the shutdown was really weird. It was like the bosses just got up that morning and decided "You know, instead of our usual 18 holes, why don't we just close down the company instead."

Ho-Ho-Ho and a Merry Christmas.

Not that I'm feeling sorry for myself, mind you. Actually, I'm pretty lucky in that I'm a pessimist by nature and forever preparing for the worst. That means I've got no debts and some money in the bank, and with no dependents to take care of I won't be going hungry anytime soon. Unfortunately, that's not true for everybody that lost their job last Thursday, especially the ones with mortgages to pay and young families to clothe and feed. I don't suppose anyone feels too good about that, but you gotta be prepared for the worst, you know? These days Christmas layoffs seem to have become almost an annual tradition in the corporate world, and, after all, what better way to reward your employees than with a great big lump of coal for the Yuletide.

Yeah, ho-ho-ho indeed

So, anyway, it was strange being unemployed. I started going over it in my mind and the nearest I can figure is that I've been employed continuously since I was 19 years old, and for all those years not a day has gone by that I didn't know that a next paycheck coming. Then just like that, I found myself hung out to dry and the next paycheck I always counted on and planned my future around wasn't there anymore. Let me tell you. It's a weird, disorientating feeling. I didn't know whether to panic or just pretend it was all a bad dream.

And if all that wasn't bad enough, someone, who apparently subscribes to the theory that it is best to kick people when they're down, decided to prowl my neighborhood last Friday night and break into my truck. As if I wasn't feeling bummed out enough already about being out of a job, I walked out to the truck on Saturday morning and found the doors wide open, the little change compartment completely emptied and the rest of the interior contents thrown into a big messy pile on the seats. Luckily it's an old truck and there wasn't that much change inside, and they probably would have done me a favor if they would have just stolen the entire truck, but it was just the sort of salt I didn't need rubbed into my wounds at that particular moment, you know what I mean?

So that was my uneventful week. I certainly hope yours was better. The good news is that I'm starting a new job in a few days and hopefully this next one will go a little better than the last. Being the pessimist I am, however, I'm not expecting all my troubles to be behind me. Not after the week I've just been through, and you can rest assured that I'll be squeezing my dollars pretty tight in the days ahead. I'm sorry to disappoint you Wall Street, but my contribution to the greater economic good this Christmas season is likely to be somewhat muted, to say the least.

Which means there must be some lesson in all this. Well yes, there is, and for that let us turn now to that great folk economist Bob Dylan who once reminded us "Don't follow leaders, and watch the parking meters."

And have a Happy Holiday .

The Quiet Man

2007-12-12T21:57:00.001-08:00

"You know what the problem is, doc? The problem is that nothing has any value anymore. It's all just dollars and cents and how much someone will pay for something. Nothing has any real worth."

"How about family? Friends? They have worth, don't they?"

"Sure, but that's not what I mean. It's like...you know what happened? Rupert Murdoch bought Dow Jones. That's what I mean. It's all about money. It's not about prestige or importance. It's all about cheapening the product for the mass market and making a buck. I mean Rupert Murdoch, the world's biggest media pimp, bought Dow Jones!"

"Well, you may be jumping to conclusions here."

"Oh yeah, you just wait and see. Mark my word. Pretty soon they'll be putting Page 3 girls in the Wall Street Journal."

"I doubt that, and anyway, if that's what the public wants then who are you to sit and judge."

"The aesthetic is gone, doc. Whatever sells is right, and the cruder the better."

"Again, who are you to sit and judge? Did it ever occur to you that maybe you're tastes might just be different from someone else's? That doesn't make a thing right or wrong."

"Well, all I can say is that there is more to beauty than botox and a boob job. You know what the poet said, 'Truth is beauty, and beauty truth. That's all ye know on earth and all ye need to know."

"And what is truth, then? How do you know the truth isn't botox and a boob job?"

"I know that beauty isn't something you can buy, like a can of beans."

"Then you don't know much about women. There may be more illusion than you realize."

"Beauty, real beauty, is like a...a...I don't know. It's like a connection or something. You see someone and you just feel connected somehow, and that's all you see, you know what I mean. It's got nothing to do with hair, or makeup, or any of that. I mean, sure, that has something to do with it, but without that connection it's all just fakery. It's like if you feel that connection, then it's beautiful. And it doesn't have to be a girl. It can be a painting, or a car, or even a refrigerator. If that connection is there, then it's beautiful. Page 3 girls are just hormonal reactions. You can call them beautiful, but it's not the same thing."

"Ok, I'm not going to argue with you. So what else is going on? Have you started writing that opera yet?"

"Oh, the opera. Yeah, well I'm working on that."

"How far have you gotten?"

"Let's just say I'm still in the idea stage. Anyway, it's probably too late for me to start writing an opera now. Maybe if I was a little younger..."

"Truth is, you're the world's greatest procrastinator. Now that's what the truth is."

"Yeah, well, I guess I've lost my inspiration. You know I've been trying to do what you told me. I'm trying to live more in the real world instead having my head in the clouds all the time, but you know the real world is kind of boring. At least it is to me. Without my fantasies I just don't feel inspired to write. It's almost like I don't feel anything anymore."

"I didn't tell you to give up your fantasies, I just want you to focus more on separating the real from the imaginary. I know you know the difference, now you just need to work on not letting your imagination get away with you. We both know what kind of trouble that can get you into."

"..."

"How are you doing socially? Are you getting out more like I asked you to?"

"I bought a motorcycle."

"And?"

"I bought a motorcycle because I can get on the thing and ride and not have to deal with anybody except the other drivers on the road. It's like being in my own little world, and I like that."

"I see. That's not exactly what I ..."

"You see doc, I don't like crowds of people. I just like to do my own thing and not have to bother anybody else. Yeah, ok, I'm a dreamer and I know that's not healthy but it's who I am, and, frankly, at this point in my life I'm not much interested in changing."

"Yes, but that can lead to problems. You know that."

"What can I say? It's my bliss. I hear what you're saying, but if I could just ride my bike and write my opera, I'd die a happy man."

"Really?"

"At least I'd die happier than if I had to sit around at people's parties making small talk for the rest of my life. That just ain't me, doc."

"Well, I appreciate your honesty but I'm afraid you're..."

"Excuse me. I think my half-hour is up."

"Yes, you're right. That'll have to do for today. Make an appointment on the way out, and try to get out more, will you?"

"Sure. I'll try. You know this would make a great opera."

Nanook's Got A New Ride

2007-12-10T21:26:00.001-08:00

I noticed that the ride into work was a little cold this morning, so I shouldn't have been surprised when I took off my helmet and found ice crystals riming the edges of my face shield." No, that can't be" No, considering that the temperature was a chilly 35 degrees when I left home, and then factoring in the wind chill, it really shouldn't have come as much of a surprise, but it did.

So what is it that leads brave men to face such dangers, you may ask. Well, let me try to answer that. I believe it's either one of two things, or maybe a little of both. First, when riding a motorcycle you're usually sitting directly over the engine. That means the vibrations, although counterbalanced and dampened, often work their way through the handlebars, footpegs and seat to the rider. It would only seem natural to me, then, that more than a few neurons would shake loose in the process. Thus, such a marked decrease in IQ combined with the rapid onset of hypothermia would naturally explain why an otherwise normal adult would set out on a winter morning and choose a bone-chilling ride on a a bike over a warm cozy automobile.

The second factor may be that bikers are just born stupid. I am coming to that conclusion, and, in fact, what we may be dealing with here are stupid people with hypothermia and loose neurons choosing to ride their bikes in sub-freezing weather because they don't know any better. Yes that would explain a lot.

Before I go any further let me just say that I wasn't the only biker out there this morning. I may be brain impaired, but certainly not without my peers. In fact I counted at least a half dozen other brave souls out on the road this morning, and if they give out medals for this sort of thing, then be it known that medals were earned today.

Of course, the other bikers I passed seemed much better equipped than I to deal with the cold. At the very least they all had windshields to keep the wind off of them, and a couple were riding Honda Gold Wings fully loaded with fairings and heated seats and all that other stuff which seems so silly in the summer and so practical in the winter. I should note that what I didn't see this morning were any badasses riding Harleys wearing nothing more than a t-shirt and a brain bucket on their heads for protection. Sure, they may be tough, but it's one thing to scraping bugs off your teeth in the summer and another to be picking snowballs out of your nose in the winter. Even toughness has it's limits.

But enough of that. After all, who cares? I bet you weren't sitting on a bike freezing your tush off this morning. You're more sensible than that so let's see what else there is to talk about tonight? Hmmm....Hmmm...I know. I could talk about maniacs with guns going on shooting sprees, but which maniac should I talk about? Would that be this week's maniac with a gun or last week's maniac with a gun? It all gets to be so cliché after a while. Or, I know, I could talk about Barry Bonds. Oh, what for? That's already old news. Let me just say this. Getting a San Francisco jury to convict Barry Bonds of perjury is about as likely as getting a Chicago jury to convict Michael Jordan or a New York jury to convict Babe Ruth. In other words, not very likely, and if I were one of you Barry Bonds haters out there (actually, I am), I wouldn't get my hopes up.

Tell you what, let's just call it a night and hopefully I'll something better to write about tomorrow. In the meantime, if you happen to be driving around tomorrow morning and see me out on the road, I'd appreciate it if you got out your ice pick and knocked a few of the icicles off my helmet. You might also want to shake me around a bit just to be sure I haven't lapsed into a coma. Neighbor helping neighbors, that's what it's all about.

Soul Music?

2007-12-06T19:33:00.001-08:00

Although I'm not a geek, I've got to admit that I'm a sucker for a cool new gadget. I'm also a sucker for good music, so what better union of two disparate interests than a cool new gadget that plays music. No, I'm not talking about a new MP3 player, I'm talking about a gadget that actually plays music- in this case the violin.

Now, you know I love violin music, but has Toyota gone a little too far with this little contraption. Check it out and see what you think.

Violin Robot

Hmmm, I don't know. Could use a little more vibrato, don't you think. Well, maybe the violin isn't a good choice of instrument for a robot. A guitar would be better. Just teach it three chords and turn up the volume and it could probably rock out better than 90% of the bands out there nowdays. That would just be my opinion, of course.

Anyway, speaking of the violin, here's a new CD I got a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, instead of a robot this one was made by a real, living, breathing human being by the name Lisa Batiashvili.A bit of a disappointment to all the geeks out there, but not a fatal flaw.

Batiashvili has been getting a lot of critical notice lately,and I'd never heard her play so I ordered her latest CD. This is her second release in the U.S. and it features the Sibelius and Lindberg Violin Concertos. After reading all the press she's been getting I have to tell you I had high expectations for this one. One critic even said the young violinist was already on a par with current violin stars such as Hilary Hahn.

Well, Mr. Critic, not quite.

Batiashvili can certainly play, and she is not just another one of the photogenic pretenders making the rounds these days. She's got some chops, but a lot of violinist's have chops. That in and of itself isn't gonna catapult you up to the elite ranks. No, you need more than chops and what Batiashvili lacks, at least in her Sibelius Violin Concerto, is purpose.she plays the piece as though she is overly concerned with how it's supposed to sound or how it's expected to be played, rather than with how she feels the piece and how she wants to interpret it for her audience.

At times she seems overdramatic, then hesitant, then wooden, only to fly wildly off the deep end. It's a very disjointed effort, and certainly not one that belongs among the best of the great violinists. It seems painfully obvious that Batiashvili needs to let go of her self-consciousness and find her own voice, and then she needs somehow to develop the confidence to trust her own gut instincts and play from the heart. As it stands now, this Sibelius, is a bit of a mess.

Also included on the CD is a wonderful concerto by the contemporary Finnish composer Magnus Lindberg. I've never heard it before and what a amazing piece of music it is, and played exceptionally well by young Batiashvili. I can hardly describe it, except to say that it explodes with sound, including one point in the piece where Batiashvili's violin makes these weird sounds that reminded me of a plastic slide whistle. It's really very cool and what I'd call a virtuoso or show piece, but then I'm not a violinist so what do I know. I loved it though, and maybe it's this type of playing that has earned Batiashvili her renown in certain critical circles.

However, if you buy the CD you're probably going to buy it for the Sibelius, and that would be a mistake. Far better to wait until 2008 when we finally get the Sibelius Violin Concerto CD we've all been waiting for, and from a violinist who truly merits her critical acclaim. Until then, I guess the Batiashvili will have to do.

So there you go. A little geek news, a little music news - not too bad for a rainy night in California. Think I'll go pick up my axe and do a little picking now, You don't mind if I start singing, do you.

Rainy night in Georgia, Oh, it's a rainy night in Georgia, I believe it's raining all over the world...

I Wasn't Born To Follow

2007-12-04T22:43:00.001-08:00

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are making history here tonight. A bipartisan presidential debate before the first primary has even been held has never occurred before in American presidential politics. But that's precisely what we propose to bring you tonight. On this stage we will be presenting candidates from both of the major parties to debate the issues of the day. It is our hope that by doing so we will offer the voters watching at home a broad perspective of the differences not only within each party, but within the broader context of American society as well, So candidates, if you're ready, let us begin.

"My first question goes to you Senator Clinton. Everyday Americans turn on their TV's and see yet more carnage, more sectarian violence, more lawlessness, and more innocent victims caught in the crossfire. If elected President, how will you bring an end to this bloodshed and restore peace and civility?"

"Thank you Mr. Moderator, I'm glad you asked that question. I too am troubled by what I see happening in Iraq and let me..."

"Iraq?"

"Yes, you were asking me about Iraq."

"Actually I was talking about West Oakland."

"Oh, I misunderstood. Well, West Oakland and some of our other urban areas are certainly in trouble, and let me assure you that as President I am committed to taking on this problem and remaining strong in my conviction that this sort of criminal behavior is wrong and must be dealt with on every level - local, state and national. We cannot let these criminal gangs take over our streets and terrorize our citizens, and I will see to it that our brave men and women in law enforcement receive the resources they need to combat these thugs. But let us not deceive ourselves into believing that law enforcement is in itself enough to accomplish the task. It will also take the involvement of community groups, educators, business leaders and all the rest of us to help our young people turn away from crime and to live productive live. To make that happen it will take the kind of vigorous leadership that I have shown in the past to make sure the job gets done, and in a Clinton presidency, the job will get done."

"Thank you Senator Clinton. Mayor Giuliani, your thoughts?"

"Unlike most of the other candidates on this stage, I have actual experience dealing with the kinds of problems your seeing in West Oakland and Richmond and South Philly. I was Mayor of New York and I've been there. How do we deal with crime in our inner cities? We don't tolerate it, it's as simple as that. Zero tolerance is the only way for cities to take back the streets, and as President it will be my first priority to hire 100,000 new police officers and make sure our cities have the resources available to do the job. An I can tell you what we don't need. What we don't need is a lot of interference from Washington or a bunch of bean counter bureacrats. We'll spend the money, we'll hire the officers, we'll build the courts and jails and we'll get these thugs off the streets. That's my promise to the American people. We did it in New York, and we can do it in Oakland. All we need is the will and determination to get the job done."

"Thank you Mayor Giuliani. How about you, Senator Obama. Is law enforcement the answer?"

"No it's not the answer and let me tell you why. What we need is a new approach. The old way of doing things simply hasn't worked. We've tried law enforcement in the past and yet the street gang problem still exists. We've involved the community, we've talked to business leaders, we've tried to improve our schools, and those things are important, but the same old way of doing things that Senator Clinton advocates just won't work anymore. We need to reach out to our young people, get them involved in the solution. These are their neighborhoods too. We should listen to what they have to say. Do they need jobs? Well ok, let's provide them with the education and skills they need so they can go out and get those jobs. Do they need a stable home environment? Ok, let's get some counselors in there and intervene in some of these dysfunctional families. This has to be a two-way street. As President I can't just dictate solutions to our young people. I need to hear from them, and we need to get the parents involved as well."

"Governor Romney, we haven't heard from you."

"When I was Governor of Massachusetts it's true I had undocumented workers employed on my property. I can see now that I was wrong, and as the only true conservative in this race let me reassure the voters that I am strongly against this practice."

"Thank you Governor Romney. Yes, Senator Edwards, you had something you wanted to say?"

"Thank you Mr. Moderator. As I listen to the other candidates give you their answers I must say that I'm astonished at the lack of vision shown here on this stage. Law enforcement is not the answer. Building jails is not the answer. The question is what can we do as Americans to combat crime in our inner cities, and the answer is that it is clearly the government's responsibility to see that our citizens are safe and that our youth find a place in our society where they can lead happy, productive lives. As President I will propose legislation that deals directly with problem. That means job training, health care, family crisis intervention, afterschool programs, mentoring...the list goes on and on. There is no reason why any child in America should ever suffer hardship, and I believe it's government's responsibility to see that no child ever does. The first thing I will do as President is withdraw our armed forces from Iraq and use those monies to fund the kind of social programs we need to affect the lives of everyday Americans. We are still the richest country in America, and the real crime is not redistributing some of those riches to our societies most vulnerable citizens. Government can do that, but only with strong Presidential leadership."

"Would that be your approach Senator Thompson?"

"No, and let me tell you why. Crime is not a new problem in America, particularly in our inner cities. What we should be concerned with is containment. Let's be brutally honest here, black communities in America have always been high crime areas, and as long as we can contain it to those areas then I think most Americans will be ok with that. If it starts to go beyond those borders, however, then we've got a problem. I don't know why Americans care more about carnage a half a world away than they do about the carnage just up the freeway, but that's the reality of the situation and we've go to deal with that. Containment is the key strategy here. That is where we should concentrate our resources, because, mark my word, if we don't then this stuff can get out of control."

"Thank you Senator Thompson, and that was a great movie by the way. Congressman Paul, how about a word from you. This is the internet, after all."

"Thank you Mr. Moderator. If there is a crime problem in West Oakland, then I say why is that the government's concern. If I'm not mistaken, the Second Amendment of the Constitution stills grants to each citizen the right to bear arms, and an armed populace is far better than any government solution as far as I'm concerned. As President my first action would be to put an end to all of this wasteful spending and legalize crime. Legalize crime and the crime rate will go down, I guarantee it."

"Ok, Governor Huckabee it's your turn."

"Why are our young people so lost? It's a lack of faith, that's what I say. The Bible is a far more powerful weapon than the Glock 19, but is sadly missing from our society today. I think the President should be more than just a political leader, he should be a moral leader as well. What I want to ask the citizens of Oakland is 'where are the churches in all this. What role does prayer play in the daily lives of your children'.As the only candidate up here who truly represents the values of the Christian Right I think you know where I stand. The problems in Oakland are the same as the problems I see across America. We need to restore faith in our lives and emphasize family values. Only through faith can our young people battle against the forces of evil we see all around us. Yes, we should punish the sinners, but always with a sense of love in our hearts."

"And finally Senator McCain, you get the last word."

"Huh?"

"Senator McCain? Are you awake sir?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I'm afraid the lateness of the hour has taken it's toll. The important thing to remember is that defeat is not an option. Our young men and women who have fought so bravely deserve better than..."

"Senator McCain, we were talking about Oakland."

"Yes, I understand, but defeat is still not an option. What this country needs is discipline and the courage to see the fight through. And, uh...I forgot what I was going to say."

"That's fine Senator McCain. I want to thank all of you candidates for attending this debate, and I want to especially thank you viewers at home for tuning in and listening so patiently and carefully to their answers, for in the end it's you who will decide the course of this great nation in the year's to come. Think about what you've heard tonight when you step into the voting booth to cast your ballot, and remember democracy depends on an informed and involved electorate. With that I bid you all good night, and ask you to please stay tuned for the network premiere of 'Laundering With The Stars' immediately following this broadcast. Tonight four celebrities air their dirty laundry and reveal the secrets hidden in some of their most intimate apparel. What's hiding in your clothes hamper? That's 'Laundering With The Stars' immediately following most of these --- stations. From the Silicon Valley, this has been the Bipartisan Presidential Debate. Thank you all, and good-night."

Dead Cat Offers His Expert Opinion

2007-12-03T21:04:00.001-08:00

"Hello everybody. Welcome to Weekly Business Roundup. I'm Katia Pond. On the show this week we'll be talking about the rapidly declining housing market with my special guest - billionaire investor, political insider, and all around raconteur Tony Myers, author of the wildly popular Dead Cat On A Mountain blog. Has the housing bubble burst, and how much further can prices fall? Find out what my guest thinks, and get his views on what's to come in the year ahead. But first, let's find out what happened this week on Wall Street. As you can see, first the market was way up, then it was way down, then it went way up again, then the bottom fell out, and finally we took a little breather on Friday. For the week the Dow was unchanged, while the Nasdaq ended up in the bathroom feeling a little nauseous. Why all the volatility? Many believe the housing market's to blame, so please welcome my guest Tony Myers and find out what he thinks lies behind the market's malaise. Tony Myers, welcome."

"Thanks Katia. Good to be here."

"So what about this housing market? Foreclosures are up, credit is tight, and now Secretary Paulson is talking about freezing interest rates. Are we headed for a recession?"

"I'm afraid it's much worse than that, Katia. Back at the blog I've been looking over the historical data and running the numbers and I believe that not only are we looking at a recession, but it's becoming clearer and clearer to me that sometime next year we're all going to die."

"Die?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Well, that's a pretty strong statement. I mean, well, yeah, sure, we're all going to die someday..."

"No, next year."

"Next year? What are you basing that on?"

"A lot of things. For example, have you ever heard of Lester Ziffren?"

"No, I can't say I have."

"Well, Lester Ziffren died last week."

"I'm sorry to hear that but..."

"Lester Ziffren was the reporter who broke the story about the start of hostilities in the Spanish Civil War. What do you think of that?"

"I'm not sure I follow your point (but then I've read your blog so that's hardly surprising)."

"Outside of University History Departments, how many Americans do you think have ever heard of the Spanish Civil War?"

"Well I have. That was in Pan's Labyrinth, wasn't it?"

"Ok, outside of Pan's Labyrinth what do you know about the Spanish Civil War?"

"Um, let's see. There was Teddy Roosevelt and the charge up San Juan Hill, right?"

"No, that wasn't the Spanish Civil War, that was the Spanish-American War...At least I think that was the Spanish-American War. Wasn't it?"

"Aha, so even you don't know for sure."

"My point is this. Most Americans don't have a clue about the Spanish Civil War, but if you ask them the name of Paris Hilton's dog..."

"You mean Tinkerbell?"

"That's what I'm saying. Any society that knows more about some clueless TV celebrity than they do about the rise of fascism in the 20th century deserves to die."

"Oh, yeah, good point (?). I'd like to return to the housing market for a moment if I could. You're from the Bay Area, aren't you?"

"Yes that's right."

"Are you seeing the same trends in Northern California as we are seeing in the rest of the country?"

"That's an interesting point, Katia. No, we're not seeing the same trends. We've definitely seen a slowdown in sales, particularly in the entry-level sub-$700,000 market, but the multimillion dollar end of the market is still managing to hold together, although sales are hardly brisk. So far that as kept the median price fairly stable, but as the lower end becomes more distressed we could see that start to change."

"So multimillion dollar homes are still selling."

"Yes, so far. Understand, of course, that in the Silicon Valley no one is very impressed by a million dollar price tag, not when employment is strong and wages remain good. You know, if you tell someone in the Silicon Valley that you made $150,000 last year, rather than be impressed they're more likely to say something like 'Oh, don't worry. I'm sure things will start to pick up'. "

"I see. So being from the Silicon Valley you're actually living in some kind of bubble and really have no clue about what's going on in the rest of the country, do you?"

"Look Katia, the bottom line is this. As long as credit remains tight and mortgage lenders aren't wiling to lend, it's a no-brainer that housing is going to suffer. And until that changes, the housing market will continue to limp along. What housing needs is more first-time buyers to grease the wheels and keep the engine turning , and as long as there is nobody out there willing to lend to them then there's nothing to drive up prices. That means sellers are either going to have to sit on their properties for a while, or use some creative means like seller carry-back loans to sell their houses. It's as simple as that and everybody knows it. There's no magic bullet for housing. You need money to buy a house, and outside of the Silicon Valley and a few other upper class enclaves, most people don't have that kind of cash laying around."

"So does that mean falling prices?"

"Falling prices make for nervous lenders more unwilling than ever to make new loans. That leads to even lower prices and so on and so on and so on. That's not a good scenario and I think we'll see some kind of intervention before things get out of control"

"Like what? Could we be looking at a government bailout?"

"Well the current Congress has decided in it's wisdom to put even more restrictions on new loans as a way to punish lenders. It doesn't make much sense to me, but then, these are democrats. They've even put a provision in the new law that outlaws 'predatory lending', whatever that's supposed to mean. I'm afraid what it's going to wind up meaning is that everyone who falls behind on their mortgage will now be able to hire a lawyer and sue their lender for 'predatory lending'. Tell me that won't have a chilling effect on the housing market."

"So you don't expect the government to come to the rescue of these distressed homeowners?"

"This isn't a job for the government. By intervention I mean market intervention. What's probably going to happen is that some of these lenders are going to fail, and others will be bought up or merged, and sooner or later the balance sheets will improve and things will start getting back to normal. After all, lenders need to make loans in order to make money. In the interim, though, residential real estate is in for some rough times."

"How long do you think it will take?"

"More than a year, I suppose, and by that time we'll all be dead."

"And on that cheerful note we'll have to draw this interview to a close. I want to thank my guest Tony Myers, and please be sure to join us next week when my guest will be Paris Hilton who has just returned from Africa and will be sharing her insights on oil and the energy markets. Until then, I'm Katia Pond. Have a great week everybody."

Joyeux Noël - A Christmas Card

2007-12-02T19:00:00.001-08:00

Has it been a year already? Geez, time just flies on by and then all of a sudden it's time for another depressing Christmas. Seems like only yesterday...

No, that's not right. I've got to quit being so negative. I've got to be of good cheer and find the "true meaning of Christmas" and all that. Except that after reaching a certain age I have to wonder what's the "true meaning of Christmas" anyway. Christmas is Christmas. You eat, you open some presents, you eat some more, you take a nap, you eat some more, you go home, and the next day you go back to work again.

Well, that's how Christmas seems to me. For most normal folks, I suppose, the "true meaning of Christmas" is something different. It's making plans and decorating the house and hitting the mall to burn up what's left of their available credit and, if everything comes together as planned, it's having it all come together for a perfect "Christmas with the family." That's how it is on TV anyway, and in the real world I guess most people just try to do the best they can. I doubt anyone's Christmas is as perfect as the ones on TV, though. Have you seen the commercial where the husband takes the wife outside and surprises her with a new Mercedes sitting in the driveway. Was that like your Christmas? Seems to me if you can afford to buy your wife a new Mercedes then you're probably too busy counting your money to spend much time worrying about the "true meaning of Christmas", but then what do I know.

Anyways, I don't want anything for Christmas this year, and that's kind of depressing. I mean if you're not anticipating a new bike or a race car set, then Christmas is pretty much like any other day, isn't it? Well, except for the extra pounds you'll have to lose come the New Year. Sure, there's the joy of perfunctory giving, but that has more to do with expectation than spontaneous feelings of peace on earth and goodwill to men if you ask me. In "the true meaning of Christmas" giving should be earnest and heartfelt, not a new toaster. Damn, I must be getting old.

At this point, all I really want for Christmas are the things I can't have. Like a younger body, for instance, or the woman of my dreams. Of course, the reality is that if I had a younger body I'd just abuse it, and if I had the woman of my dreams she'd always remain beyond my grasp. That's why dreams should just stay dreams and not be allowed to intrude on life's thousands of other little heartaches. After all the woman of your dreams probably has dreams of her own, and none of them include you. What then? Either you go on your way or you become a stalker. I say it would be best to just leave dreams to the imagination and not torture yourself over what never was and never could have been.

Which means that at this point I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Maybe I should end this post instead. Yes, Christmas can be so depressing sometimes. All I ask is that you leave me here with my music and my books, and please don't ask me to be merry. I don't have the heart for it. Now that the cold weather has started I'll be spending more time inside, and that means more blogging time and plenty of opportunities for me to exorcise my inner demons. In the meantime, enjoy your Christmas (or not) and I hope there's a new Mercedes sitting in your driveway on Christmas morning. I'll be on my computer, dreaming.

Cool Phone, Santa

2007-11-19T20:10:00.000-08:00

The holidays are here and once again it's time to set aside all those things that are really secondary in our lives - ego, money, power - and remember those things that are truly important. After all, isn't that what Christmas is really all about. Isn't it about escaping the commercialism and consumerism and the traffic and the crowds, and getting back to what fulfills us as human beings? Isn't it really all about...

Hi-tech.

I think so, and don't tell me your not looking forward to some cool little gadgets and gizmos under the tree this Christmas. I know I am (like I really need another sweater - puhleeeeze). So with that in mind I thought I'd offer up a couple of ideas for the gadget freak in your family. These aren't the best Christmas gadgets out there, but just a couple of ideas for the geek on your list. And guys don't forget, it's not just men who are into tech these days. Don't let your Christmas morning turn out like this.

"Oooh honey, What is it?"

"It's a diamond solitaire, sweetheart. I just wanted you to know that I'd marry you all over again."

"A diamond solitaire? But I wanted an IPhone!"

"An IPhone? This is better than an IPhone. It's sentimental. You know how sentimental women are."

"I told you I wanted an IPhone."

"That's a full carat diamond. Look at it. And that's 14k gold. You're supposed to be smiling and glowing when you get something like that. You're supposed to hug me and kiss me and tell me what a wonderful husband I am. You're supposed to..."

"Yeah, well time to wake up and step out of your cave, Mr. Neanderthal man. Does this thing have a chip in it?"

"Yeah, right. Of course it does. When's the last time you saw a piece of jewelry that didn't come with it's own microprocessor."

"Well you don't have to get sarcastic...Look, I'm sorry, ok? It's just that...I do appreciate the thought. Really I do."

"Well, then you like it?"

"I love it. Did you keep the receipt?"

"It's in my wallet."

"Good, the Apple Store will be open tomorrow."

My first gift idea is the perfect product to buy for someone else that you wouldn't buy for yourself. It's an ebook reader called the Kindle, and it was just introduced today. Instead of an LCD screen it uses a technology called e-ink to display the pages, which greatly increases its battery life. It uses special ebooks from Amazon.com and can display b/w images as well as text. It also includes a free wireless connection so that you can shop Amazon and purchase books, magazines and newspapers wherever your in range of Sprint's EVDO high speed cellular network. And you get all this for only (choke)

FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS.

Personally, I'm made of money so paying $399.00 for an ebook reader means nothing to me, but I'm guessing that most other people will find that price a little steep. Especially bookworms, who are basically cheap to begin with and not inclined to spend a wad of dough for a pricey plastic gizmo when a good ol' dog-eared, coffee-stained paperback would do just as well. Hell, most bookworms won't even spend money on hygiene and new clothes let alone a $400.00 ebook reader.

It's the kind of gift one book lover could give to another though, especially if the giftee spends a lot of time on the road. It's nice and portable, can around 200 books, and can even play MP3's and audiobooks from Audible.com. If only it didn't cost so much.

My second Christmas gift is for the budding Steve Vai in the family. I just bought one of these myself and it's cheap (around $90.00). It's called the Guitarport and it's a little box that allows an electric guitar to connect to a Mac or PC via a USB port. It's made by the folks at Line 6 who also make amplifers and other electronic musical goodies, and I'd say even the most burnt-out, brain dead rock and roller can get the thing installed and running.

The package consists of the little box itself and some software that needs to be installed on the computer. The box will not run without the software, so if you need to plug it into a mixer you're probably out of luck. Then again, if you have a mixer then why would you need a Guitarport? Hmmm... You plug the guitar into the front of the box and the power and the USB cable in the back and voila, you're ready to jam. The Guitarbox software comes with an insane amount of effect, amp and cab models, and on my Mac I can feed the input directly into Garageband and use all the effects, etc.. built into that software as well.

How does it sound? Pretty good. I made this little sample file so you could hear me jammin' with one of the Guitarport instruments. I'm sure that after listening you will come away convinced of my status as an amateur guitarist, but in the hands of a competent musician this box could probably do some wonderful things.

jazzy.mp3

Anyways, if I come across any more holiday gift ideas I'll be sure to pass them along. In the meantime, keep readin' and rockin' and have a Hi-tech Christmas.

New Love

2007-11-13T20:58:00.000-08:00

So I think I mentioned I got this new MacBook thingy, and I know you're wondering why a dedicated PC user like myself would even consider buying an Apple computer, so I guess the world deserves an explanation. Ah well, that's the burden I've taken on by deciding to be a responsible cyberjounalist. It's not a job, it's a calling.

Actually, buying a Mac had nothing to do with being a Microsoft hater or anything like that. I was just curious, that's all, and thought it was time I tested the waters. Now, having spent the past month and half or so with the new machine, I think I'm ready to offer a few observations. Before I start, though, I just want to make it clear that I haven't made the "switch", if you know what I mean. People get so involved in this whole PC vs Mac debate (I'm sure you've seen the commercials) that they seem to think it's gotta be one or the other. Not so, dear reader. Truth is, it's quite easy to use both, and it's all a question of the right tool for the right job. You know, "from each according to his own ability to each according to his own need" and all that.

Marxist references aside, there is a fundamental difference to the PC approach and the Mac approach, and you notice it the minute you start the machine up. Booting into Windows is like walking into the cockpit of a Boeing 747. You've got all these dials and buttons and controls to master, and although they do allow you to control this powerful machine, it feels more complex than it should when presented with such a dizzying and complex array of options. Boot the Mac, on the other hand, and it just kind of smiles at you. It says "hey there, little buddy, want to do something fun today?" You feel like it's play time, not time to get down to some serious work. The downside to that is that complexity of the PC also allows you to make your own fun, while on a Mac you're pretty much limited to playing in Apple's sandbox. I might be overgeneralizing, but it's true.

But now the question you're all asking is "Is it hard for a PC user to learn to use a Mac?", and I'd have to say that yes, it's impossibly hard and if I wasn't born with such a superior intellect and ability I never would have been able to pull it off. If you're a moron, then I'd suggest you stay with the PC.

No, no, no, I'm just kidding. In fact what you've just witnessed is a small manifestation of the dreaded "Mac effect", wherein people who use Macs seem to think themselves slightly above the uncultured, unhip and definitely uncool PC crowd. Geez, I've only had the thing since September and I'm already acting snotty.

Anyways, learning the Mac isn't hard. It takes some practice, but otherwise it's a pretty seamless transition. The other question you're probably asking is "Can I still run my Windows programs on a Mac?" Well, duuuuhhh, it's a Mac, so I guess if you want to run your Windows programs then you should probably run Windows. What do you think (you moron). However, the good news is you can actually run the Windows operating system on a Mac and, in that way, have a nifty little do-it-all machine. I use a program called Fusion by an outfit called VMWare, and there are a couple of other programs that will do the same thing, but the upshot is the same - two OS's on one machine. The downside is that you're going to have to buy a copy of Windows, and let me tell you it ain't cheap. So the answer is yes, by investing a little more money you can run Windows programs on a Mac, just be sure you haven't maxed out your credit card by buying the computer.

Those questions aside, how do I like my Mac? I love it. I confess that most of my computer time is spent on email and the internet nowadays, and for that pretty much any kind of computer - Mac or PC - will do just fine. The Mac has the added advantage of being a (so far) virus free environment, so you don't have to hassle with all the preventative measures that you need when you run a Windows machine.

Like I said I've got the MacBook, which is not the most powerful laptop in Apple's line, but it's still a mighty fast machine with a gorgeous 13 inch screen and an Intel 2.2 Ghz Core 2 Dual processor inside. It's the first white computer I've ever owned, which seemed pretty cool when I bought it until I realized that I'd have to wash my hands before using it to keep from smudging up the keys. I added an extra gig of ram to it (not Apple's ram which is hideously expensive, but regular store bought ram), and haven't run into any performance problems whatsoever.

If I had to list my dislikes I'd start with the keyboard which is not nearly as responsive as my old Toshiba Satellites was, and the speakers which are tinny and thin sounding, especially when matched up against some of the higher end Windows machines out right now. My main beef, though, would have to be ITunes. I know that Apple users everywhere love this piece of software, but unless you own an Ipod it's usefulness is pretty limited. Just another example of Apple locking you into their little world, but I sure wish there was some better Mac alternative out there that would support my Creative Zen player. I know that's probably not a big deal for most people, but it's a big deal for me. Funny how Windows will support Apple's Ipod just fine, but Apple seems to insist on bending you to it's will with their OS. Oh well, you can't have everything.

Other than that I really like most of the Mac features, particularly this thing they call Spaces. Spaces is really nothing more than a repackaging of an old computer concept called virtual desktops, which I can remember going back to a program I used to run 20 years ago called PC Tools from Central Point Software. I never used the PC Tools virtual desktops much, but I like Spaces. All Spaces does is let you run programs on different screens within the computer, so, for example, you could have your browser running on one screen and your email client running on another, and through a simple keystroke command you can switch back and forth from one screen to the other. It seems like a simple concept, but it really does a good job at reducing screen clutter. I just wish we had something like this at work.

I also like a program that ships with the Mac called Garageband which lets you set up a little home recording studio on your Mac. I'm still learning it, but so far it seems quite versatile and easy to use. I'm just waiting for Zzounds to ship me my USB guitar interface, and then I can start laying down some hot licks and editing them right there in my Mac. Who knows, maybe I'll even post something one of these days.

Anyways, it's getting late and my shoulder is starting to hurt so I'm gonna have to end this post. Turns out when I fell off my bike a couple of weeks ago I ended up tearing my left rotator cuff. Go figure, huh. I thought people tore their rotator cuffs by throwing fastballs or touchdowns or something like that, not falling of their bikes. Well, at least now I can say that Joe Montana and I have something in common besides our money and good looks. I'm sure I'll have more to say about the Mac experience in the future, so stay tuned.

It's Natures Way of Telling You Something's Wrong

2007-10-29T19:05:00.000-07:00

How is it that I find myself so busy at my computer on this fine California evening? Well there's a story behind that, and if I can just get my fingers to work this MacBook keyboard I'll tell you about it (more on my new MacBook later, perhaps). Let's see, where do I begin...

I commute to work most days on my Suzuki GZ250, and last week the weather was just perfect motorcycling weather. Last Friday, in particular, was especially lovely. The sun was out, the Bay breezes were blowing in from the north, and, as so often is the case in California, the temperatures sat mildly and comfortably in the mid-70's. Just a perfect Autumn day, and as I was cruising down the freeway on my Suzuki I couldn't help but reflect on how truly lucky I was to be in this place at this time and on this bike.

(are you with me so far?)

I needed to pick up a few things and so I got off the highway and cruised down the street to the local supermarket, all the while feeling remarkably cool and incredibly virile all dressed up in my black leathers and such. Riding my bike in my black leathers always makes me feel so male and manly, and as I pulled into the parking lot I just knew that more than a few passers-by wished they were me. I found a spot and pulled in the clutch as I eased into the empty parking space, turned the engine off and coolly looked around for admirers while I kicked the sidestand into place.

At least I thought I kicked the sidestand into place...

Actually, I had only partially kicked the sidestand into place, and as I leaned the bike over to rest on the stand it promptly folded back up against the bike and left me leaning over into nothing but an empty void and the inevitable gravitational vortex to which all of us are victim. Now, as you may recall from your high school science class, bodies at rest tend to stay at rest, but bodies in motion tend to...well...let's just say a more experienced pilot probably would have recognized the futility of trying to right the bike once it had begun to fall and would have immediately bailed out, but for some reason I decided to hold on for dear life, not stopping to think if this was a smart thing to do.

The next thing I knew I was lying on my side on the asphalt with my bike laying on top of me, not feeling nearly as cool as I did before, with a shooting pain in my left shoulder and a nagging doubt as to whether Marlon Brando had ever had a moment like this. Of course not. Brando was cool, and there was nothing cool about lying under my bike in a parking lot with my face shield in someone else's dirty motor oil. No time to worry about that now, though; the first thing I had to do was get up and pick up my bike.

So I slid out from underneath the bike and somehow struggled to my feet, feeling like the newbiest newb who ever put on a set of black leathers, and as I looked around I noticed that not one person in the parking lot who had seen my little mishap came by to offer assistance or ask if I was ok. If I had been hit by a car or something like that then sure, all kinds of concerned citizens would have come to my aid, but when you drop a bike, believe me, no one wants to be your friend.

In fact, come to think of it, when you ride a motorcycle people just treat you differently in general. Not in any drastic kind of way, but, you know, in subtle ways. For instance, sometimes when a woman sees a biker coming down the street she might start acting differently than if he were coming down the street in a car. You know, when she sees a biker she might start reaching into her purse for her cellphone or a can of pepper spray or something. Subtle little things like that. On the other hand, when some women see a biker coming down the street they have just the opposite reaction. They smile and flirt and give you that look like "Ooh, you sexy man. Give me a ride on your bike and have your way with me." At least that's what I think that look means. It could also mean "What a loser." I'm not really sure which.

Anyways, back to my story. Since I couldn't get any help, I picked the bike up and put it securely on it's stand, and even though my left shoulder was throbbing with pain, I nonchalantly made my way into the store as if to say "Oh that? It was nothing. Bikes do that sometimes." It wasn't until after I got out of the store my back started to stiffen on me and my left thigh started to throb, and yes it all made for a very interesting ride home as every time I shifted a gear my left leg would ache and my back would go into spasms. Somehow, I managed to make it home, and when I got in the door I immediately laid down on the bed and screamed my lungs out. That's when I found that getting into the bed was a whole lot easier than getting out of it, which I did only to go to the bathroom and even then not without much inner turmoil.

Well, it's now been 3 days since my little mishap in the parking lot and, though still not completely healed, I'm finding that I can physically do almost anything I want to as long as it doesn't involve sitting or the movement of any of my body parts. You know when I was younger I suffered harder falls than this one and I always just jumped right back up without feeling a thing, but you can't do that when you're old and decrepit. Damn, how I hate being old and decrepit.

So rather than just lie on my back and stare at the ceiling while I feel miserable and sorry for myself, I thought I'd do a little blogging and get some of you feeling miserable and sorry for me too. No, no, no, I'm just kidding. My back only hurts occasionally, and I've got the point where I can lift my left arm high enough to put a shirt on without breaking down and crying for my mother. Ah, life's little victories. And as for the bike, well, you know the old saying. When you fall off the horse then you got to dust yourself off and...learn to stay the hell away from horses.

No, that's not true. In fact I went for ride last night. Once you get a motorcycle in motion they're just fine. It's when they're standing still that they're dangerous.

Born To Be Wild

2007-10-11T21:05:00.000-07:00

I just logged my 1000th mile on my little GZ this week, so I thought now would be a good time to write down some of my impressions. I don't know why anyone would care, but indulge me, ok?

First of all, I love biking. Period. End of argument. Any day I can't ride is a day wasted as far as I'm concerned. As for the GZ, it was a little tight for the first 500 miles or so and getting it to go any faster than 45 mph was a real chore. I took it in for regular maintenance at 600 miles, and ever since it seems to have really loosened up. The engine revs freely and the clutch has lost it's initial grabiness. The other day I was breezing down the expressway and couldn't believe it when the speedometer read 62 mph (ok, so this isn't a superbike - I thought I told you that).

Anyways, each day it seems to run better and better, and some mornings I can't wait to get out of bed and head off on my morning commute, only to drag around the office all day until I'm ready to head home again. I tell you, there's just something about being outside and feeling the thump-thump-thump of that engine that lifts my spirits every time I go for a ride. Especially when I pull up to a light and look at all those people lined up around me in their little metal boxes, all of them so remote and insulated from the world around them, that justifies all the little inconveniences of motorcycling (bugs, manhole covers, exhaust fumes blowing in your face, etc...). It's like all these people are driving around in little living rooms and never bothering to step out the door and experience what's outside. There they are - mom in the front seat talking on the phone and the kids in the back watching TV on their built-in video players, too self-absorbed to even engage each other, let alone the world going past their windows.

(Which reminds me of a story I saw on the news. Seems that Yosemite National Park has been having a hard time attracting visitors lately because a lot of kids seem to think that National Parks are boring. They're so busy living their digital lives that they just can't get into trees and waterfalls and stuff like that, so the Park Service is trying to find ways to get kids interested in nature again. Hmmm, maybe they could cover Half-Dome with a giant HDTV screen and set up some XBox 360's or something. That might interest them, for a couple of minutes that is).

Anyways, motorcycling, I've found, is all about being out in the world and engaging with nature and the elements, and like I said, I love it. Now that I've had a taste there's just no way I'll ever stop riding these things. That is, of course, unless I die first. One big problem with the GZ, though, is the seat. I can only go about 30 miles or so before major butt pain starts settling in. This is a real drag, and unfortunately none of the aftermarket seat manufacturers takes the GZ seriously enough to develop a replacement seat for it. The only solution I've found so far is short rides with long butt breaks, however that may change because I just placed an order for something called a buttbuffer. It's supposed to be some kind of space-age pad and I have no idea if it's gonna work, but at this point I'm getting desperate.

Other than that the GZ is pretty much what I expected it to be. It's steady and reliable, not too fast, and gets me around 70 mpg riding around town. I haven't taken it on the freeway yet, but maybe after I get my buttbuffer I'll be able to take an extended trip somewhere. Meanwhile, I stopped by a Triumph dealership the other day and looked at one of their new Bonnevilles. Ah, now that's a bike. No Harleyesque heft or sportbike plasticiness, just classic 60's styling, a 865cc parallel twin and nice firm cushion to rest your tush on. Hmmm, maybe next spring...

Oh, and before I go this news item just came across the wire. It appears that the Turkish government has passed a non-binding resolution condemning the United States for the genocide it committed against the native North American peoples during what it called the Great Indian Wars of the late 19th century. Although many in the American government were outraged at this meddling in U.S. history, there were a few democrats on the house floor who openly wept. Keep following this blog for more updates in this curious exercise among Washington politicians to assert their virtue and claim the moral high ground.

Twenty-four and Still Growing

2007-10-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

Despite all my best intentions I'm afraid I've seriously neglected this blog of late. Yes, though I've heard the masses crying out for more posts and the mind is always willing, the clock and the calender simply haven't made proper allowances. In fact, I don't really have the time for a post tonight, but this news item was so good that I had to get it posted.

If you've read this blog at all then you know that I've been quite a fan of the young German violinist Julia Fischer. In the past I've said that she is probably the best of an army of very talented young violinists now appearing on CD and on the concert stage, and I even predicted that if you haven't heard of her before you almost certainly will in the future.

Well, she took an enormous step toward classical music superstardom today because it was just announced that at age 24, Julia Fischer has won the prestigious Classic FM Gramaphone 2007 Artist of the Year award. Now, some will quibble as to the importance of this or any other award, and I have to admit that this whole practice of ranking artists seems a little contrived to me, (who was better - Rembrandt or Van Gough?), but the fact that Fischer should beat out names such as Barenboim, Abbado, Gergiev and Terfel and be recognized as among the very best speaks for itself.

So, a short post and a hearty congratulations to Julia Fischer - the Classic FM Gramaphone Artist of the Year. Damn girl, that is so cool.

Sixteen Tons, and What Do You Get

2007-09-18T21:12:00.000-07:00

Now I'm no economist, and just to prove the point I want to talk about the housing market. As you know, the Federal Reserve Bank lowered both the federal funds rate and the discount rate by 1/2 a percentage point today (that would be 50 basis points for all of you economic obscurists out there), and Wall Street went bonkers. All the major indexes were up well over 2%, and people were dancing and cheering like it was 2003. I'll admit I have a dollar or two invested myself and was feeling pretty good as well.

But what I don't get, and by the way the reason I'll never be an economist, is why this is such good news for the economy - particularly for the housing market. Yeah I understand about lower mortgage rates (which I was always told were more closely tied to Treasury rates than the fed funds rate), and I understand that lower interest rates makes it easier to borrow and buy those big ticket items, but so what?

Let's face it, the reason we got into that subprime mess to begin with was that people couldn't afford these houses they were buying, even way back in the days when the fed funds rate was down around 1%. So what's so different this time around? The growing disparity between rich and poor is still with us, and even most economists concede that for the past decade or so real wages have actually been in decline. CEO pay is up - way up, but the average worker has been losing ground and real estate prices have been going straight up.

So it seems to me that unless you're one of those people shopping for a summer estate on Martha's Vineyard, it's still the lenders job to find a way to get the average buyer into a home he or she can't afford. That means looser standards, creative lending, and yes, lower interest rates. However, lowering rates while simultaneously tightening standards just looks like a wash to me.

But then I'm no economist.

Anyways, Countrywide announced today that they were getting out of the subprime business, while the interest rate cut sent the financial and housing stocks way up. Whew, I guess that means the housing "crisis" is over. Not that I'm upset about that, mind you. Not in the least. I'll take a 300 point gain in the Dow any day, and I'm not above doing a little dancing in aisles myself. In fact, I'm feeling so good that I thought I might just head down to the men's room at the local airport to see if there were any parties going on. Maybe do a little toe-tapping, if you know what I mean.

Meanwhile, let's just see what happens with housing. If nothing else, the rate cut should be good for the home equity loan market, that is if anyone has any equity left in their homes (and there are any home equity lenders still in business). Other than that, I don't what any of this means except that health care costs keep rising, oil prices keep climbing, budgets keep stretching, and paychecks are getting thinner and thinner.

The Lost Cause

2007-09-09T18:20:00.000-07:00

This is going to be the big week when Gen. Petraeus finally gives his report to Congress, not that anyone is expecting any big surprises. I think most people already have the gist of what he's gonna say. In fact, I was reading somewhere that somebody took a poll somewhere and found that a majority of Americans think that Petraeus is not being truthful about the situation in Iraq - and he hasn't even finished his report yet. Geez, you'd think people would at least let the guy open his mouth before they start calling him a liar.

But that's not how it works, and it all fits in with a phenomenon that I call the "liar, liar, pants on fire" syndrome. You see, through careful research and observation I've come to the conclusion that it's always easier to call someone a liar than it is to allow that he might be telling the truth. The reasons are simple. So long as you call someone a liar then that puts the onus on him to prove he's telling the truth. He's the one who is called to action, not me. I only have to stand and point.

On the other hand, if someone tells me something and I accept it as true, then the situation is reversed. He's done his job and now I am called to action. For example, if someone comes up to me and tells me my house is on fire and I dismiss him as a liar, then it's up to him to prove he's telling the truth. However, if someone comes up to me and says "look, isn't that your house on fire?", and I see that my house is indeed on fire, then suddenly it's me who has to get off my lazy butt and do something about it.

Does that make sense? Maybe I didn't explain it as well as I should, but I think the basis for 90% of all cynicism in any given population can be directly linked to the "liar, liar, pants on fire" syndrome. It's just so much easier for us lazy humans to dismiss something as a lie and feel ourselves astute than it is to act on uncomfortable truths. Not that I know what the General is going to say, but the sooner we can agree it's all lies then the sooner we can get back to what we were doing before we were so rudely interrupted.

Don't you agree?

Anyways, I don't think there's anything that Petraeus could say that would assuage the Copperheads, er Democrats. At least not when there is an election so close at hand. You make a little progress in Anbar and Baghdad and they just complain that you haven't ended the violence in all of Iraq. You end the violence in all of Iraq and they complain that you haven't ended the violence in Afghanistan. You end the violence in all of Iraq and Afghanistan and they complain that you haven't brought peace to the Middle East. You end the violence in all of Iraq and Afghanistan and bring peace to the Middle East and they complain that you haven't brought about total world peace. You end the ... you get the idea.

Personally I think what the General should do is occupy Savannah. I mean it worked before, didn't it? Why not give it a try. Just have Petraeus send a telegram presenting the City of Savannah as a Christmas gift to the President, and watch the tide of public opinion turn. Of course Petraeus seems more of a diplomat that General Sherman was, and Dubya is certainly no Abraham Lincoln, but what this Iraq War needs is a identifiable symbol of success. Without that, the American people are just going to keep on thinking that the politicians and generals are a bunch of liars.

And speaking of the Democrats, did you see that little fundraiser that Oprah Winfrey gave for Barak Obama the other night. Oh you should have seen it. Here we had the Democrats, the "green" party, then environmentally conscious anti-global warmimists, making their way into a car park to be bussed up the road to Oprah's exclusive Montecito Estate, and among these earnest and committed people not a Prius or Civic or any other fuel efficient vehicle in sight - just block after block of idling limousines and birds falling dead out of the sky from the fumes.

I guess that's all a part of what you could call the "it's easier for rich people to make movies about the world's problems than to sacrifice any of their comforts to actually do something about them" syndrome. Meanwhile, here's crusty old me riding my GZ to work each day (70 mpg), while these Hollywood hypocrites pollute the skies and debauch themselves with money, sex and drugs.

Damn, what am I doing wrong?

I Don't Want a Pickle, I Just Wanna Ride My Motorsickle

2007-09-02T21:46:00.000-07:00

Wow. Over the last two months I've made a grand total of two posts. Not that the internet can't go on without me, but I really should try to do better than that, don't you think? My New Year's resolution this year was to make a blog post each and every day no matter what, but I guess that only proves the futility of resolving your way to better personhood.

Anyways, the weather has been so nice out here this summer that I just haven't had the time for much computer time. As I've said before, I'm not the kind of person that likes to sit inside and tap on a keyboard all day, especially when the sun is out and there's a nice cool breeze blowing in off the bay. Nope, sitting in front of a monitor may be okay for those other pasty-faced blogger geeks out there, but I'd rather go for a hike or a bike ride or even a trip out to the coast instead.

So that's my excuse. Indian summer is starting to settle in so I thought that as long as the weather is heating up I might as well enjoy this air conditioning and catch up on some blogging (hint for all of you out-of-towners: the hottest days around the bay usually start sometime after Labor Day and continue on until about the middle of October. That's when the fog disappears and the Santa Ana's pick up and our fire season reaches its most dangerous stages. The great Oakland fire was an October fire, as those of us who live around here remember all too well) .

For my first topic of this new blogging season I'd like to talk a little about motorcycling. You see, as you get older you start to think about things - lots of things; things you've done, mistakes you've made, and things you'd always meant to do but never got around to actually doing. Back in High School most of my friends rode motorcycles, but I never had the cash to buy one of my own. Other than a very occasional ride on one of their bikes, a motorcycle of my own was beyond my means and just sort of fell onto my "someday" list.

Fast forward a few decades later, and my brother mentioned to me that he had signed up for a Motorcycle Safety Foundation Beginning Rider Course that, unfortunately, had been canceled due to noise complaints from the neighbors. I asked him to let me know if he ever decided to sign up for another class, and the next thing you know it's 7:00 in the morning and we're standing in the parking lot of the local community college getting ready to gear up for our lessons.

If you don't know about the MSF or the BRC then I should explain that it's a class open to both raw beginners and experienced riders that is predicated on the belief that a lot of motorcyclists you see out on our public roads don't know what the hell they're doing. These are people that usually begin by asking a friend or family member to teach them how to ride, and then pick up an enthusiast magazine and drool over the latest high-revin' zero-to-sixty in 3 second pocket rocket, and then go down to the local dealership and buy themselves "one of those". That's the way many motorcyclists you see have learned to ride provided, of course, that they survived the trip back from the dealership. Sound familiar? Hmmm, maybe you have a young one of those living in your upstairs bedroom?

Which brings up this point: Is the "pro" rider the one you see weaving his way in and out of traffic at 90 mph, or is it the one who pays attention to his surroundings and rides within his ability level, having practiced techniques such as maximum braking, proper turning, swerving and low speed maneuvering? If you're under the age of 30, then I guess you'd say the "pro" rider is the one going 90, but if you're over 30 then you probably think the MSF BRC might not be such a bad idea.

The BRC always sounded like a good idea to me, so I took the course and passed it. Righ now I'm just waiting for them to send me my paperwork and then I'll be headed off to the DMV to get my M1 license (in California, passing the MSF BRC means you don't have to take the motorcycle driving test). In the meantime, I've got my permit and I'm happily riding my new motorcycle. That's a picture of me over on the left (handsome devil, ain't I?)

I read somewhere that you shouldn't think of your first motorcycle as your "dream" motorcycle, but rather you should think of it as your trainer. It's the bike that hopefully you'll be making all your beginner mistakes on. With that in mind, the best starter bikes are typically light, cheap and underpowered. Now the dealer won't tell you that. The dealer is going to tell you that with a 1800 cc engine and a dry weight of only 860 pounds, that $25k Honda Goldwing is the perfect bike for a beginner, or that Suzuki Hayabusa with a top speed of 190 mph and a 9 second quarter mile time is just the kind of bike to get started on and one you're not likely to outgrow in a couple of months. Well, I'm no fool. I'm a MSF BRC graduate so you can't oversell me like you do all the other noobs that walk in the door.

So what did I buy instead? Well, don't laugh - I mean it. My rider coach told me that you can learn on any bike, but you'll learn a lot faster if you start on a small bike and move up to something bigger, and since I trust my rider coach a lot more than I do some high commission motorcycle salesman I bought a Suzuki GZ250 - probably the safest and most boring motorcycle on the road today. Top speed? Are you kidding? Quarter mile times? You could get there faster on roller skates.

But is it fun? Damn, if it didn't make my butt so sore I'd ride the thing all day. Besides, it has all the features a beginner needs. Like all cruisers it sits low to the ground with a low center of gravity making it easy and stable to ride. It has a single cylinder engine making it very easy to maintain. It's fast enough to get around town, but not fast enough to get a beginner into too much trouble. It handles very predictably and you'd have to try really hard to dump the clutch and get the front tire in the air. And best of all, it doesn't look like a beginner bike. Fact is, I've gotten more than a few admiring looks while straddling my little GZ, and since I know nobody's gonna be looking at me then I have to conclude that others find it quite a looker too.

I also bought around $600.00 worth of gear (those helmets can get expensive) and a book considered to be the Bible of motorcycle riding called Proficient Motorcycling by David L. Hough. If you've taken the BRC then I think you'll find it an excellent resource for building on some of the fundamental concepts you've learned. In fact, David L. Hough was one of the people responsible for developing the coursework in the MSF program, and you can tell by reading the book that this guy knows his stuff. It's just a matter of absorbing it and applying it to your everyday riding habits.

And did I mention the GZ gets between 70-80 mpg? Well, it does. Today I pulled into a gas station next to a guy filling his Chevy Silverado and it was great. Five bucks and a gallon and half of gas and I was on my way, while that guy was still sitting there watching the the numbers spinning higher and higher. Ah, the joy of motorcycling.

In The Good Ol' Summertime

2007-08-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

"Ain't like the old days."

"Yeah, the kids had respect back then. That's 'cause they was brought up right, not all pampered and spoiled like they are now."

"Why sure. You talked back like some of these kids talk nowadays and you're backside 'd get a good tanning, that's what would happen."

"You got to lay down the law, that's what you got to do. Teach your kids some respect. That's the problem, you see. Kids don't respect their parents anymore."

"Naw, they just do what they please. Like wild dogs, that's all they is. A pack of wild dogs."

"You know what I can't figure out is what they're all so angry about. When I was their age we didn't have no TV or Nintendo's or any of that. We did our chores and was grateful for everything we got. But these kids of today, they're always pissing and moaning about something, and joining gangs and shooting each other dead. What are they all so angry about?"

"It's all that TV they're watching. That's what does it to them. That and them videogames. They watch that stuff and it's like they want to go out and shoot someone, just like the people on TV. "

"And that music they listen to. That is, if you can call it music. All that cursing and sex and violence and such. How is that music? And little kids listening to it too. And their mothers don't say nothing. It's like the whole country's gone crazy."

"Yeah, it ain't like it used to be. Used to be you'd drive your girl out someplace quiet and turn on something romantic and, well, you know. Ain't like that anymore. Now you like a girl you just grab her and take her into the mens room, and 9 months later she's pregnant and applying for welfare."

"You're right. The romance is gone. Everything is sex, sex, sex. Hell, they even post pictures of it on the internet. Back where I come from we used to call girls like that sluts, but now they call them celebrities. Like that, uh, you know, Hilton girl. You hear about that. Had sex right there on the internet."

"Well listen to the songs. It's all bitch this and ho that. That's all they know."

"Those aren't songs. 'Tennessee Waltz', now that was a song. No sex and violence there. You could take a girl out on the dance floor and hold her close and not feel embarrassed by what they was singing with a song like that."

"Sure you could, because songs were romantic back then. Just a bunch of grunting and screaming is all they do now."

"You're right. We had songs about love and feelings, but all they sing about nowadays is sex and violence. No wonder these kids are all screwed up."

"You know I can still remember my dear old grandma sitting in her rocker listening to those old Jimmie Rodgers records. That was music, my friend. That was music. None of this sex and violence."

"Yeah, my grandma loved that Jimmie Rodgers too. You remember that ol' song, what was it called - T for Texas."

"T for Texas, T for Tennessee. T for Texas, T for Tennessee. T for Thelma, that gal made a wreck out of me."

"Yeah that's the one. I can still see my grandma sitting in her rocker listening to that song too. Kind of makes me want to cry to stop and think about it."

"If you don't want me, mama, you sure don't have to stall. If you don't want me mama, you sure don't have to stall. 'Cause I can get more women, than a passenger train can haul."

"That's good. Keep going."

"I'm gonna buy me a pistol, just as long as I am tall. Gonna buy me a pistol, just as long as I am tall. And I'm gonna shoot poor Thelma, just to watch her jump and fall."

"That part always made grandma cry a little."

"I'm going where the water drinks like cherry wine. I'm going where the water, drinks like cherry wine. 'Cause the Georgia water tastes like turpentine. Gonna buy me a shotgun with a great long shiny barrel. Gonna buy me a shotgun with a great long shiny barrel. Then I'm gonna shoot that rounder stole away my Gal."

"Yodel-a-ee-hoo, a-ee-hoo, a-lay-eee"

"Rather drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow log. Rather drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow log. Than to be in Atlanta, treated like a dirty dog."

"Yodel-a-ee-hoo, a-ee-hoo, a-lay-eee. Ha, ha, ha. That sure does bring back some memories. They don't write 'em like that anymore, do they."

"No sir, not like that. No sir."

Sell in May and Go Away

2007-08-05T19:54:00.000-07:00

"Hello everyone and welcome to Weekly Business Roundup, where each week we look back at what was making news on Wall Street, and what lies ahead for you and your money. I'm your host Jackson Bailey."

(go to camera 2)

"Well, after what proved to be a particularly brutal week for investors, with the stock market in a deep decline and continued weakness in housing and the credit markets in turmoil, what should investors be doing now? Here to talk about that with us this week is our special guest Dr. Jack Kevorkian. Dr. Kevorkian welcome."

"Thanks for having me."

"What about this market? What's going on out there? Do you think the subprime mortgage mess is to blame, and have we seen the worst of it?"

"Before I get into that, Jackson, do you mind if I ask you something? That is, sre you feeling alright? I can't help noticing that you seem to be in some kind of pain."

"No, I feel fine. I guess I slept a little funny last night and now I've got some stiffness in my neck, but I feel great. Really."

"Oh, ok, I just thought I'd ask. You know no one has to live in pain, Jackson. There are other...more humane ways to deal with these very personal issues."

"No, Dr. Kevorkian - honest, I'm alright. Now back to the markets."

"Yes it was a very tough week for investors, wasn't it. How they've suffered, and a miserable, futile kind of suffering as well. In times like these I think it's important for investors to weigh their options, and consider some of the alternatives, if you know what I mean."

"How about those investors who sold bonds a few weeks ago when we had that big selloff in the bond market and saw the yields go well above 5%, only to invest that money in stocks and watch the stock market promptly go into the toilet just as the bond market started to rally and regain it's losses. What would you say to them?"

"I'd tell them that they must feel like total assess, but there's no reason to feel that way - worthless and stupid, if you know what I mean. It's all so avoidable."

"Well, Dr. Kevorkian, what would be your advice to investors in times like these?"

"My advice would be to face the truth, no matter how brutal, and ask themselves some hard questions. Can they really go on living like this, and what about the future? Sleeping on park benches and eating out of garbage cans - is that how they want to live out the rest of their days?"

"You don't mean..."

"I can offer them another way. A machine. It's very simple and humane, and portable too. That's so important for investor's who cherish their privacy."

"But Dr. Kevorkian, it's only money. I mean, for crying out loud, it's only numbers on a piece of paper."

"Only money? Is that what you think? Is that what your audience thinks? C'mon Jackson, let's be..."

"No. That's enough. The interview is over. This is a finance show, not The Twilight Zone."

"Sometimes it can be comforting to take control over your own destiny and..."

"I said that's enough Doc. People, if you don't know what to do with your money then put it in a CD or money market account. Take your 5.25% and wait for the dust to clear. But whatever you do, don't listen to this nut job."

"How often we fear what we don't under..."

"Will somebody please cut his mike. Thank you. Please join me next time on Weekly Business Roundtable when we'll discuss mezzanine subprime collateralized debt obligations with our special guest Tony Danza, and until then have a great week."

(but enough about the economy, let's talk about me)

Did I tell you I bought a bike? No, not a "hawg", but a bicycle. A Trek 7200 with Alpha Aluminum frame, RST CT-COM I C7 50 mm front suspension, alloy front and Shimano RM60 rear hub with Matrix 750 rims, a Shimano TX71 48/38/28 crank (with chainguard), and a Shimano Alivio rear derailleur, to be exact. I have no idea what any of that means, but it cost me $380 bucks.

First I should say that back in my younger days I had a Raleigh 10 speed which I used to ride just about everywhere, but since then my riding has been a little, uh, sporadic. After my Raleigh I bought a Mongoose hybrid that I rode for a while, but that soon found it's way to the trash heap. Since then, I haven't done much (any) bike riding.

That said, I decided I needed to get some exercise and since I live in one of the best bicycling areas in the country (that's a fact - I read it in a magazine), I bought the Trek. The only reason I'm bringing this up is because I know that there are probably some people out there who are in the same kind of shape I'm in and might not have done much bike riding lately, and if that's the case, then I've got some good news for you.

First of all, forget about that bike you used to ride years and years ago. These modern bikes are nothing at all like those. Bicycle technology has advanced leaps and bounds over that old 10 speed you used to ride. This Trek I've got is a 24 speed hybrid which means lots of gears to work with and no more drop down handlebars. Of course that has it's advantages and disadvantages. For example, try riding into the wind and you'll quickly discover the advantages of a bent-over riding position, but, all in all, us old folks will generally find the upright seating and the extra gears a little more comfortable and reassuring.

The Trek also has shocks on the front fork and underneath the seat, which is also greatly appreciated by us old geezers. I won't say the ride is butter smooth, but it's a lot better than those bone shaking models we rode as youngsters. The seat itself is generously padded, with extra padding provided in the butt cheek areas and a little groove running down the center of the saddle. Mothers and daughters may not appreciate the groove, but fathers and sons surely will.

The bike itself is smooth as silk to ride and shift. In the old days we used to have those derailleurs that went "chick-chick-chick" as we coasted along, but nowadays these things are absolutely silent. That can be dangerous if you happen to come up behind someone who can't hear you coming, so the Trek also has a little bell mounted on the handlebars that you can ring to let them know you're coming. Personally, I'd rather just yell "Out of My Way!" than ring that stupid little bell, but to each his own.

So there you have it. My new Trek 7200. The first time I rode the thing I went about 2 blocks before my legs started to burn and my lungs started running out of oxygen, but now I can ride a comfortable 7 miles or so each day. It's not much, about a half hour or so, but it's a start, and I'm thinking about getting a rack mounted on the thing so I can start commuting to work every now and then. We'll see. Meanwhile, I'm happy just pedaling along. I should mention that I'm already on my fourth tube for the rear tire because of all the garbage and debris that's piled up on the streets around here. That's the one drag about riding a bike, so if you're gonna start riding I'd definitely suggest you carry an extra tube, some CO2 cartridges and a tire tool with you. But if you can learn to fix a flat, then biking is actually a lot of fun.

And that's what's new in my world. Aren't you glad you stopped by?

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

2007-06-27T20:08:00.000-07:00

So I told you I was selling a house. Did you think I'd have time for blogging too? Sheesh, I barely have time for sleep, let alone profound blog thoughts.

Anyways, in case you were wondering I've been doing this house thing, and let me tell you, it's no fun being a seller. You just keep worrying and wondering if it's going to sell and if anyone's going to want to buy it, and it certainly doesn't help that every night some gloomy gus comes on the news and starts telling you how lousy the housing market is now. "Why, you'd have to be some kind of moron to try to sell a house in this market."

"Gee, thanks. I feel better now."

Now I'm sure that there are lots of people who have no problem selling their house. They just go with the flow and let the markets work their magic. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. I'm the type that when the house inspector comes out I'm just sure he's going to find major damage -

"Say, Mr. Myers, we checked under the house and it looks like the whole thing has fallen off it's foundation."

"It has? Is that what that big crack in the living room is?"

"Must be. It'll cost you three million dollars to fix it."

"Anything else?"

"Well the upstairs plumbing is leaking and you've got water damage in all the walls and floors."

"So that's why we haven't had any water pressure."

"Cost you three million dollars to fix it."

"Anything else?"

"Oh, and about that roof."

"Yes?"

"Well, have you noticed you don't have one?"

"To tell you the truth I haven't really looked."

"Yeah, it looks like the termites and the roof rats have eaten the roof all the way down to the rafters."

"Don't tell me. Three million do..."

"Cost you five million dollars to fix that."

Yeah, it's no fun to be a seller. It's kind of like going in front of St. Peter and answering for all your sins, you know what I mean. You know that Judgment Day is going to come, but you just keep putting things off. Then, you decide to sell and find out that all those little jobs you meant to get to sooner or later are written right there in that book. On the other hand, I am blogging tonight so I guess that can only mean one thing. Yep,

Someone actually wants to buy the house!

In fact it's better than that. Lots of people want to buy the house. Hmmm, seems to me that maybe that old saying is in need of a rewrite. Happiness may be a warm puppy, but true happiness is a good location and multiple offers. Anyways, that's why I'm blogging tonight. The house is sold, and for 3% over the asking price. So much for the great housing collapse of 2007. It might look like that in Detroit, but here in the Silicon Valley jobs are plentiful, demand is high, and folks are flush with cash.

Of course, the fact that it was...I mean is...I mean was...a great house might have something tgo do with it. I'm gonna miss my little castle in Spain. I really am, but life goes on. Still, I get a little misty eyed just thinking about how the new owners are gonna feel on that first peaceful morning when they look out their window at that serene little yard and see the dew on the grass and roses in bloom, and the deer out in the front yard eating all their exotic flowers and fancy ornamentals. Damn, I'm gonna miss those #$@^! deer.

But I don't want to talk about selling the house because, frankly, who cares. I've been thinking I should start a blog about books that came out four years ago and that I'm now just getting around to reading. I mean, that's how most books get read, isn't it? Most people don't read a book the day it comes out (except for Harry Potter). They hear about it or read a review, and think "Sounds good. I should read that sometime", and then four years later they finally get around to reading it.

The book I just read is The Devil in The White City by Erik Larson, and it was great. I know that's not much of a review but the book came out four years ago for crying out loud. At this point, what more can I say?

Anyways, the book is about the Great Columbian Exposition of 1893 and mass murder. It seems like a strange combination, but it works (and it's nonfiction, by the way). The thing that got me was how magnificent that World's Fair must have been. Think about it. People from farms in Iowa, Indiana, and Illinois who had no running water and only kerosine lamps to light their houses, got on trains and traveled to this fair in Chicago and saw these huge buildings lit with electric lights, saw safety elevators take people up and down in little cars, saw electric boats gliding silently on Lake Michigan, saw a giant wheel lift people three hundred feet in the air (Ferris' wheel was the tallest structure in Chicago at the time), saw kinetiscopes displaying moving pictures, and perhaps most amazing of all saw Thomas Edison's new invention that could actually capture and store the human voice. They say the people who saw the fair never forgot it.

Now here we are a little over a hundred years later, and that kind of awe-inspiring spectacle will never be seen again. It can't be. We've now become so accustomed to technological change and the pace of technological change, that most of the wonder and the magic are simply gone. Well not gone so much as mass-produced into irrelevance. Isn't that what the Iphone is really all about? Nowadays, "wonder" is focus-grouped and field-tested and produced in such a machine-like fashion that real "wonder" is just a relic of a bygone era, replaced by "hype" and "buzz". Or do you think it's just a coincidence that the Iphone is being released at 6:00 pm just when the local newscasts are going on the air? Do you think that Apple is going to complain when all the local news shows send their live crews down to the local Apple store to provide breaking coverage of "Iphone mania"?

It's the age we live in. The age of "Buzz". Man, what I wouldn't give to have lived a hundred and fourteen years ago, to have been ignorant and unknowing, and to have traveled to the World's Fair.

The Prince and the Pauper

2007-06-13T20:45:00.000-07:00

"Hey! What the ... How did you get in here?"

"Sorry Senator, but the door was open. I thought it would be ok."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No. You see I just wanted to talk to you for a sec..."

"Justin... Justin... JUSTIN!"

(a reply comes from another room)

"Yes Senator?"

"Justin. Who let this person in my office?"

(Justin enters the room)

"What? Hey, you can't be in here."

"If you don't mind I just wanted to ask the Senator a few questions."

(Justin replies)

"Look, you'll have to leave. No one is allowed in here without an appointment."

"But..."

"I said you'll have to leave. Do you understand?"

"Sure, I understand. I'm going, ok? But, first I wanted to ask the Senator a few questions. It'll only take a minute. I promise."

(Now the Senator starts speaking)

"What did you want to talk to me about? If you need a pass to visitor's gallery Justin can get you one from the front desk."

"No, I wanted to ask you about health care reform."

"I don't discuss policy - not without an appointment."

"But I'm one of your constituents. Don't you have time to talk a voter?"

"Yeah, sure. What's this really about? A hospital? A clinic? Let me guess, you need some help from Washington. A few dollars to get you going, or waiver of some kind. Right?"

"No, nothing like that. I just..."

"Justin, maybe you should explain the proper procedures to this gentleman."

(Justin turns to me)

"The senator is always glad to listen to the needs of his constituents, but you've got to understand that the senator is a very busy man and there are lots of people asking for his time. He can't just talk to every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes walking into his office. Of course, if someone was to do the senator a little favor, then I'm sure he'd be happy to offer whatever assistance he could."

"A favor? Like what?"

"Oh any little thing. It doesn't have to be much."

"You mean money? You want me to give the Senator some money?"

"No, no, no. A favor is all he asks."

"Well, I could give him twenty bucks."

Twenty dollars? Is that some kind of a joke? You're offering us twenty ..."

(The Senator bursts out laughing)

"Ah hell, Justin. Let the man have his say. Besides, twenty bucks might come in handy. Tell you what, just put the money on my desk there and I'll see what I can do for you. And that's a campaign contribution, you understand. I don't want want you to get the wrong idea."

"Yeah, sure...here you go."

"So you want to talk about health care reform, do you. Ok, what do you want to know?"

"Well Senator, I mean, you know, somethings gotta be done. Health care costs are going through the roof, and everybody's paying more and more and lots of employers are dropping health care coverage altogether, and people need help."

"Rumors, all rumors. I can assure you our health care system is the best in the world."

"Excuse me Senator, but they're not rumors. It's getting bad out there."

"Well then it's those damn illegals. They come over here just so they can get sick."

"With all due respect Senator..."

"Justin, get Fred Blake over at the National HMO Association on the phone. I want to see if he's heard anything about this health care problem."

"Sure Senator...I'm dialing...Hello, this is Senator ____'s office calling. Is Mr. Blake available. Yes, sure, thank you...Hello, Mr. Blake? Hello sir, I've got Senator ____ on the line. Just one moment...Fred Blake on line 1 Senator."

"Hello Fred? How 'ya doing you ol' fart. Yeah...what?...oh yeah, she's fine. Yeah, they're fine too. My oldest is starting college in the fall. Yeah, Harvard, wants to be a lawyer. I told her she ought to try to find some honest work instead. Hah, hah, hah...What? Are you kidding? Gonna cost me an arm and a leg...yeah, well...yeah, we're both very proud...Listen Fred, the reason I'm calling is because I've got a citizen in my office now and he's telling me there's something wrong with the health care system in this country. No...no...of course not, I'm just telling you what he said... What?...Yeah, I got it...Yeah, it was. It was very generous, and believe me I'm not gonna forget you for this...Huh?...No, that's not necess...well, yeah, sure. I appreciate that. You know how expensive these campaigns are getting nowadays...What?...The Bahamas? Let me check my calendar and get back to you on that...No, I haven't heard anything. I tell you, I don't think anything's going to happen until after the election...No, don't worry. That's not going to be a problem...Well thanks. I'm always glad to help. But listen, about this health care thing...well, you see, that's what I thought. You know how these news shows are. Getting people all worked up over nothing. Christ, they can't find any real news to cover so they've gotta start making things up and getting everybody in a panic... Yeah, I know, I know, it's those damn illegals. Listen, I gotta go, but I'll get back to you on that Bahama's thing...Sure...no problem. Say hello to the missus for me. Alright Fred, great talking to you."

(The Senator hangs up and talks to me)

"That was Fred Blake, and believe you me he knows everything there is to know about the health care business. You know he lobbies for over 100 different HMO's and PPO's in this country. There isn't anything he doesn't know about health care, and he tells me there's nothing wrong with the system. Says it's just these news people who are creating the problem. If I were you I'd just stop worrying and let the government take care of things. And don't believe everything you read in the paper."

"But Senator, it's real. People are afraid of getting sick because they don't have insurance. People are scared to death that something's going to happen to their children and they won't have the money to pay for it. Old people are spending their food money on drugs. The newspapers aren't making it up."

"Look, I'd like to help you but..."

"But what?"

"But you're out of favors, if you know what I mean. Look, I answered your questions so why don't you just let me get back to my business."

"No, you haven't answered my questions. You're just burying your head in the sand."

"..."

"Senator? Did you hear me?"

"..."

"Oh, I get it. You need another favor. Sorry, I don't have any more cash on me."

"..."

"Look, you can see for yourself. My wallet's empty."

"..."

"Geez. Ok, is there an ATM around here?"

"There's a bank around the corner."

"How about a check. Will you take a check?"

"How big of a check?"

"Uh, a hundred dollars?"

"..."

"Five hundred dollars?"

"..."

"A thousand dollars? I can't go any higher than that."

"Don't make it out to me. Make it out to 'The American Freedom Coalition'. They'll see that it gets to the right account."

"The American Freedom Coalition. Right...Here you go. One thousand dollars. Now can we talk?"

"Justin, get Gloria Palmer of the American Pharmaceutical Association on the phone...What line?...Line 1?...Hello Gloria, this is Senator ____ calling. How are you today?...Yes, yes I did. That was very generous of you...Of course...I'm behind you 100% and I promise I'll do everything in my power to...Where? Where's that?...Oh, the South of France. Sounds nice. Let me check my calendar...Of course I will, just as soon as I...no, you don't have to thank me. It's my pleasure. Listen Gloria, the reason I'm calling is I've got a citizen in my office who's telling me that there are uninsured people in America who are having a hard time affording their medications. Have you heard anything about that?...Uh-huh...Uh-huh...Is that so. No I didn't know...Well that's outrageous. Someone's got to put a stop to that...I see...Well, I'm glad you told me. I had no idea...Uh-huh..Ok, I'll get in touch with you later. Alright, bye-bye."

"So what did she say? I was right, wasn't I?"

"No, you were totally wrong. She told me that the reason the health care system is in so much trouble is because people are importing dangerous drugs from overseas. Did you know that? They buy 'em cheap and import them illegally into this country. Why, that's the most underhanded thing I've ever heard of. I can tell you right now, we're going to put a stop to that."

"You're pathetic, Senator."

"What did you say?"

"I said you're pathetic. You don't care about the people at all, do you? You just take care of your rich and powerful friends so that they can take care of you, and you don't care about the needs of the average working person at all. You're pathet..."

"Now that'll be enough of that. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and listen to you whine like a little baby just because the world doesn't cater to your needs. Is that what you think we're here for? Is that what you think Congress is supposed to do? Take care of you like your mommy and your daddy? Quit you're crying and get the hell out of my office."

"You're supposed to lead us and find solutions to the nation's problems. Instead you just stuff your pockets full of money and do nothing."

"Look, I'm going to tell you something, and then I want you to leave. Ok? Congress is not here to solve the nation's problems. You're thinking about it all wrong. Congress is like...like...like a venture capitalist. People come to us with their projects and ideas, and we provide the investment capital to get them going. If you need a few highway jobs in your district, we earmark a little investment. If you need some help for your pig farmers, we earmark a little for them too. You see, that's what keeps the people happy and the nation growing. We take your tax dollars and we invest them back into the community. Is that such a bad thing?"

"So you're not going to do anything about health care reform, are you? Or social security, or immigration reform, or energy independence. All you're gonna do is bring home the bacon for the folks back home, and hope nobody notices that nothing ever gets done. As long as the voters are complacent and lazy, that's all that matters."

"I believe you're finally catching on. Look, you want some advice? Don't take things so seriously. Sure we got problems, but who doesn't? Forget all that, and just concentrate on what's really important in life."

"Like what? Paris Hilton?"

"Yeah, like Paris Hilton. Like Lindsay Lohan. Like Brittany Spears. That's what people care about. They don't sit around and think about all the problems in the world. What for? As long as Paris Hilton is in jail and they're not, then how bad can things be."

"It's not always going to be like that. One day the people are going to wake up and see how people like you are getting fat and rich while they're just getting by, and they're gonna go to the polls and vote. And then where will you be, Senator?"

"I'll be right here in my office, and if they come looking for me, tell 'em to bring cash."

Whatever Happened to Bobby Sherman?

2007-06-11T19:21:00.000-07:00

The latest craze seems to be these eating contests. Do you have those in your area? They get a bunch of contestants together to see who can eat the most hot dogs or buffalo wings or whatever in the least amount of time. I don't know why, but for some reason news directors all seem to think that these eating contests make good TV. Personally, I think they're some of the grossest things I've ever seen. I sure hope this fad runs its course.

And the quicker, the better.

But on a evening like this, who cares about greasy slobs pigging out on TV. It's pretty redundant at this point to say that we've been having some weird weather, but, you know, the weather's been really weird this year. Here we are in the middle of June (almost), a season when we'd normally expect hot days and warm summer evenings, and yet the weather couldn't be milder or nicer. Right now I'm sitting out on my patio and the sun is just starting to set and there's a cool breeze blowing down through the pine trees and...man, this is about as good as it gets. In fact, if I had to describe it I couldn't, except to play you this old song that keeps bouncing around my head. For some reason an evening like this makes me think of this song.

So, I'll probably go to jail for posting this, but go ahead and download this. It's an old Afro-Cuban lullaby played on the guitar by Christopher Parkening. As it's playing close your eyes and imagine yourself sitting with me under the trees and staring at the stars. Just the two of us. Ooh, it's a little chilly - would you like to borrow my coat? There, that's better. Oh yeah, this is nice, isn't it?

(Ahem. Sorry about that. I was just having one of my little fantasies again)

So what's new. Well, let's see. I finally got my cable installed. I know, I don't watch much TV but Comcast has a pretty good deal going. It's $29.95/mo for digital cable with HBO and DVR. Not bad. That's about half of what I used to pay for DirecTV without HBO. Anyways, I've got this Comcast DVR thing setup and it's not too bad either. I'd heard horror stories about it, but I haven't had any problems with it at all. The UI isn't as good as my old TIVO, but it's not that hard to figure out.

The best thing is that Comcast gives you dual tuners and you don't have to pay for an extra line. That means is that you can watch one channel while you're recording another, or just record two shows at once. Pretty convenient, but overkill for me. I'm lucky if I can find even one thing on TV that's worth watching, let alone two things at once.

Which leads me to whole Letterman vs. Leno thing. Now that I've got my new DVR I can finally watch both shows, and, more importantly for me, I can see the bands they each have at the end of their shows. I don't know why they always put the bands on last, but that's what they do. Whatever the reason, I think it's clear that in terms of musical quality there's just no comparison between the two shows. Frankly,

Where does the Tonight Show find those godawful bands?

Not that all the bands on Letterman are picked from the top of the talent tree, mind you, but they do have some pretty good bands on that show. I don't remember their names, but I like most of 'em. The Tonight Show, on the other hand, has some of the worst bands I've ever seen in my entire life, and what really bothers me is that most of them can't play. It drives me crazy. Especially the guitarists. They line up there on stage with all these fancy axes and effect pedals - thousands of dollars worth of equipment, just so they can play a couple of chords and make it sound really cool. It drives me nuts. Why don't they learn to play first, and then move on to all the fancy doodads? Too old school, I guess.

The way it works, I think, is that someone from the Tonight Show staff goes down to the local modeling agency and finds a bunch of twenty-somethings with the right "look". When they find them they take them back to the studio, give them an instrument, teach them each a couple of notes, find some insipid little teen pop ballad for them to play, and then put them on in the last 3 minutes of the show when they think no one is watching. I'm watching, though, and let me tell you it's painful.

What I don't get, though, is that both shows have pretty good house bands but they never let them play on TV. All you get is a little snippet here and there, but never the full song. I remember Johnny Carson used to let the band play every now and then, but I guess those days are gone. Audiences are too fickle these days, and if you start indulging the band and let actual musical talent go out over the airwaves, then people are going to start reaching for those remotes. Ah well, there's no business like show business.

One last thing before I go. It's pretty obvious I don't have anything to talk about tonight, but I thought as long as we're talking about guitars I might as well mention this. Sid McGinnis is one of the guitarists on Letterman and he plays a Strat. At least I think so. Either it's a Strat or some kind of clone. Sounds like a Strat though. Felicia Collins is the other guitarist on the Letterman and she plays all different kinds of guitars. Mostly Gibsons, though, as far as I can tell. I've seen her play a Les Paul and a SG, and sometimes she's got a Strat and who knows what else. Might even have an Ibanez around somewhere when she's ready to do some heavy shredding. Kevin Eubanks is the guitarist for the Tonight Show and he plays a custom guitar. Looks like a hollowbody or a semi, I can't tell. It's got a big, fat sound though. Eubanks also has a doctorate in music. Go figure, huh? Makes you wonder why they can't get decent bands for that show.

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The Poor is Hated Even of his Own Neighbor

2007-06-07T20:37:00.000-07:00

The thing about moving is that it really disrupts your routine. First there's the hassle of loading all of your stuff and shipping it off to a new location, then there's the hassle of unloading it and trying to fit it all into your new surroundings, and finally there's the hassle of readjusting your life to fit in with all the changes. Fact is, for the first few weeks after a move it always feels like I'm staying at a hotel or something - like I'm just here temporarily until I can get back to my real home.

Anyways, the move is done so I figure it's time for me to start blogging again. I don't know why, but that's what I figure. Let's see, what can I talk about.

Well, of course the new immigration bill is all over the news these days. Personally, I want to congratulate the Congress for finally taking on this enormous problem and trying to find some kind of reasonable path to citizenship for all those Phd's and software engineers standing out in front of our local Home Depots. Now America can rest a little easier knowing that our immigrants have the proper job and educational skills they'll need when mowing our lawns or picking our strawberries.

Is it a good bill? Before I go any further let me just relate this little anecdote. Back when I was in the first grade we had a kid in our class who came from Mexico and didn't speak English too well. The only things I remember about him were that he used to wear the same clothes to school every day, and he wasn't in our class anymore when we started the second grade. But even back then, though I was only six years old, I knew what Congress is only now realizing. I knew that he, this skinny little kid with the simple clothes and the heavy accent, yes he was the great problem confronting our country. Who knows how rich and powerful I could have been if it hadn't been for the burden that kid imposed on me. Yes, even at that tender young age I realized that the great obstacle before me in my great struggle was...

Those People.

Let us give thanks that Congress has finally seen the light. Let's face it, all these illegals do is come here and sponge off of hard-working taxpayers like you and me. Right? Take, take, take, that's all they do and give back nothing in return. Right?

It's too bad that Latinos don't participate more in the elections. I mean, they're numbers are going up, but as they approach 25% of the population they still only account for around 8% of the voter turnout (please don't check my facts - they're mostly accurate, I think. Hey, I'm a blogger not the U.S. Census). Whatever the numbers are, it seems that if the Latino participation in the elections were commensurate with their participation in the overall economy, then these balding white guys from Georgia and Oklahoma wouldn't be so quick to insult them. I mean, they talk about 'em like they're some kind of criminal class or something.

As you know I'm a native Californian so this whole immigration debate seems a little pointless to me. The whole cross-border thing has been a part of California for my entire life, and I honestly have to say I've never felt threatened by it. Let's just say I'm kind of multicultural that way, and if anyone in Washington DC thinks that some convoluted point system is going to change the dynamics of what's happening down at the Home Depot, then they're sadly mistaken. People will do what they have to do to survive, and the best this Congress can hope to achieve is to drive immigrant workers further underground.

My suggestion to Congress - I mean if they really want to deal with what's wrong with America, would be to take a good, hard look in the mirror. Now, there's an idea. Maybe instead of walling off the border, Congress should build a gigantic fence around Washington instead. Yeah, give the people some relief from these money-grubbing politicians, and then maybe we can get on with solving real problems.

And you know what, if someone wants to come up here to pick strawberries, then why don't we just figure out a legal way for them to do it.

There, how was that for a blog post. I'm a little rusty, but, yeah...I'm feelin' it.

Dubya's Last Stand

2007-06-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

"Hi George. Damn, you look awful."

"I've gotta go to Germany. They all hate me you know."

"Who does?"

"All them Europeans. They all think I'm some kind of Yahoo or cowboy or something."

"It's the war, George. I told you that was gonna be trouble."

"You did?"

"Yeah, don't you remember. I told you it was going to be our Northern Ireland, only, it turns, I was being way too optimistic."

"Now the country wants to bail out on me. Instead of sticking it out, they want to turn tail and run. Thank God you're still on my side. At least you don't think we should surrender to these sons of ..."

"Well, actually..."

"Actually? What do you mean? Don't tell me..."

"Look, George. There are some really savage, murderous, people in the world. People who don't think twice about strapping a bomb on someone, yelling 'God is great', and sending them into a crowded market to kill helpless men, women and children. People who would cut your throat just for the thrill of it and the chance to be on national tv. People who rule by terrorizing the innocent. I hate to see the U.S. back down from people like that and let brutality win the day. But facts are facts - we're not making any progress. The enemy seems to grow stronger while we seem to bleed a little more each day. All I'm saying is maybe it's time to rethink our strategy."

"No. We can't surrender. We can't let the world think the U.S. is nothing more than a paper tiger. If we do, we just invite more attacks and more terror. We have to stick it out."

"I didn't say surrender, George. Sticking it out is one thing, but we're not getting anywhere. You know I'm all for making a stand and not yielding to ruthlessness and cruelty, but this war of ours is starting to look less like a brave stand and more like Pickett's charge. At some point we've got to regroup and rethink our options. Instead of calling it surrender, maybe you should think about whether or not Iraq is the right place to fight these guys in the first place."

"If we leave Iraq, then that's it. The democrats will never authorize another deployment. We'll have been defeated, and all those soldiers will have died in vain."

"How do you know? Losing the battle doesn't mean the war is lost. C'mon George, let's be realistic. Iraq is like a dream come true for these terrorists. They have cover, freedom of movement and a seemingly inexhaustible supply of arms and equipment. Meanwhile, we're the the big, foreign superpower, and, for crying out loud, we can't even keep the lights on and the water running. That's not the way to fight these guys, George. Face it, a big show of force is just a bigger target to attack, and the terrorists have all the time in the world to hit us and then disappear into the desert. It's futile."

"But we're there and we can't just walk away. Not without finishing the job."

"Yeah, we've go to finish the job, but not there. Not when all we're doing is squandering ourselves. Maybe it's time to find a new strategy, only this time we take what we've learned and get smart about it. You know, as this radical Islamist movement gets stronger and we continue to beat our heads against the wall, there is a possibility that we could lose this fight. We seem to be taking it for granted that we could swat Al-Qaeda like a fly if we so choose, and yet what kind of victories have we won? Where's our track record? For all the heated rhetoric after 9/11, what lessons have we taught them about invading our country and attacking our citizens? Yeah, I know that the democrats think that if we just ignore the problem it will go away, but we've got to be more responsible than that. We've got to figure out a winning strategy and put the terrorists on the defensive, and we're not going to do that by spilling our blood all over the Iraqi desert."

"It's too late for that now. If we don't beat them in Iraq then it's over. We've got to stay the course. We've got to beat them there. Whatever it takes."

"But General Lee, I have no division. "